And No, I Don’t Mean A Zombified Football Player
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And No, I Don’t Mean A Zombified Football Player
The rain pattered outside as Hitch waited in a bar in the middle of nowhere. He had a very exhausting day of sheriff-ing and would like to kick back, relax, and enjoy a fresh glass of orange juice.
“OJ,” Hitch told the bartender, “On the rocks.”
From under the bar, the bartender pulled out an empty glass and a juice box filled with orange juice. With a tight squeeze, the orange juice was poured into the glass. After throwing away the crushed juice box, the bartender ducked down under the bar again to whip out a pair of ice cubes and gently place them in the glass of orange juice.
“Thanks,” Hitch said as he picked up the glass and took a quick sip from it.
The bar door opened as a very soggy pegasus trotted in. If it weren’t for the raspberry-dyed mane with cyan highlights, Hitch wouldn’t have recognized her as Princess Zipp Storm. Especially since, unlike its usually spiked appearance, Zipp’s mane was flat and damp because of the rain.
“Give me your strongest drink,” Zipp ordered the bartender.
“Sure thing,” the bartender said as he got out a mixer and poured all sorts of alcoholic beverages into it.
“Bit early for that, don’t you think?” Hitch asked.
“Yes, well, I’m gonna be talking with the leader of the Hippogriffs in an hour,” Zipp replied, “And because my mom and the Hippogriff king have a...uh...complicated history, she left the whole negotiating thing to me.”
“Hang on,” Hitch said, “Didn’t your family get overthrown by every other pegasus in Zephyr Heights?”
“We did,” Zipp replied, “Which is why it’s up to me to make sure the Hippogriffs become our friends.”
“Ah, a power play,” Hitch said as he took another sip from his glass of OJ, “Just like what Twilight Sparkle did. You know, if she was real.”
After mixing the potentially lethal concoction, the bartender poured it into a glass and pushed the glass in Zipp’s direction.
“Thanks,” Zipp said as she caught the glass.
With a lift of her hoof, Zipp took a swig from her cocktail. She immediately spat it out all over the poor bartender and started coughing.
“Too strong,” Zipp said raspily.
The bartender shrugged, “Well, you asked.”
Hitch poured the rest of his OJ into Zipp’s cocktail, “Here. This should make it taste nicer.”
“Thanks,” Zipp said as she picked up her drink once more.
After the weather had cleared up, the Hippogriff king and a group of his royal guards showed up to the bar where they assumed Zipp would be at. He had received a tip-off that Zipp was getting plastered and, since she was two hours late for their meeting, he decided it would be wise to bring the negotiations to her. With as much elegance as a brick to a window, the Hippogriff king burst through the bar door in a theatrical fashion.
“Princess Zipp!” the Hippogriff king announced, “You are late for our negotiations!”
The presumably drunken princess slowly turned to face the king. There was something off about her appearance. Her coat was a darker shade of white, her eyes were filled with cataracts, and her lips have withered away to reveal her bare gums and teeth. The stallion next to her also turned around to reveal he had a similar appearance to the princess. Like a pack of rabid animals, the two ponies charged at the Hippogriff king and…
Oof. That happened.
It had been two days since the zombie outbreak, with the remaining survivors hiding out and boarding up the town of Maretime Bay. Because the town had been prepared for unicorn attacks back when they thought unicorns were brain-frying monsters, the traps and anti-unicorn measures proved to be surprisingly efficient in stopping actual brain-eating monsters. But it wasn’t enough to stop all of them, as the other zombies just climbed over their trapped brethren. In the town centre was a trench occupied by Izzy, who appointed herself and Sunny as generals in the army against these undead foes and even wore a soldier helmet for the occasion.
“Release the kraken!” Izzy commanded.
“Uh...Izzy,” Sunny pointed out, “We don’t have a kraken.”
“Oh,” Izzy said with a disappointed look on her face, “What do we have?”
Sunny pulled out a list from her saddle bag, “Well, we have ninjas, giant lawnmowers, a nuclear bomb, and the band KISS.”
“Perfect!” Izzy exclaimed, “Release the KISS!”
As a zombie horde marched towards the town square, the band KISS showed up and took out a few of them with the power of rock and pyrotechnics. But, because they were a normal rock band from the human world that didn’t have any supernatural powers, it did not take long for them to be devoured by the horde.
“I dunno why but something tells me, after we killed all the zombies, a lot of rock fans would want our heads,” Sunny said.
“Yep,” Izzy bluntly stated.
“What now?” Sunny asked.
“Send in the Giant Lawnmower Division!” Izzy commanded.
A giant lawnmower with a pony on top slowly mowed its way through the horde of zombies. But, because of how slow it was going, the zombies decided to climb onto each other and crawl up the lawnmower.
“What happened to the rest of the Giant Lawnmower Division?” Izzy asked.
The pony riding the lawnmower pointed at a trio of giant lawnmowers in the distance, all of which had zombies crawling all over them.
“Oh,” Izzy said before looking back at the giant lawnmower before her, “Release the ninjas!”
Smoke bombs were suddenly deployed as a group of unicorn ninjas showed up and took down the zombies one by one. With the combination of ninjutsu and magic, the zombies didn’t stand a chance. Unfortunately, because their primary method of dispatching the zombies was to cut their heads off with their katanas, they failed to notice that they accidentally sent a decapitated zombie head directly in Izzy’s direction.
“Ninjas!” Izzy said confidently, “Works every time.”
“Uh...Izzy?” Sunny said as she pointed at her friend’s horn.
Izzy tilted her head in confusion before looking up and noticing Hitch’s disembodied zombie head nibbling on her horn.
“Oh,” Izzy said in an oblivious tone, “Hi, Hitch.”
And then Izzy was a zombie.
Author's Note
As you can see, I interpreted the "kiss" prompt differently. 
