The Camping Episode: Redux
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𝕋𝕙𝕖 ℂ𝕒𝕞𝕡𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔼𝕡𝕚𝕤𝕠𝕕𝕖 ℝ𝕖𝕕𝕦𝕩
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• ――― ·• ʚ「𝕋𝕙𝕖 ℂ𝕒𝕞𝕡𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔼𝕡𝕚𝕤𝕠𝕕𝕖 ℝ𝕖𝕕𝕦𝕩」ɞ ·•
✙ The episode begins with the camera giving a bird's eye view of Equestria. Giving the viewer a wide scale of the beautiful lush landscape the ever iconic town was known for but staying stagnant in the air as a familiar French narration could be heard.
Ahhh~ Here we are, once again with our favorite sea friends and pony pals all congregating together in the same reality. How was this possible you may ask? Well. That's an origin story admin still owes the viewers so lets save that story for another day shall we?
The camera would then quickly pan over to an Easter Island Head. The obvious abode to the ever popular and possibly the most relatable character in all of SpongeBob: Skodeward Tennis Balls-ER I MEAN- Squidward Tentacles~ His home looks more or less the same only instead of pure stone like it was in Bikini Bottom his home was also made of wood in certain areas such as the nose of the house as well as around the sides to give it a more lived in Equestrian feel to it in order to better fit in with this ever expanding kingdom. The camera would then pan into the building to give a good view of Squidward walking into his bedroom from his bathroom. A relaxed yet excited smile lingering on his lips as he walked towards his bed with tea and book in hand.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Ah, finally, the weekend is here. And this isn't just any old weekend. This is the weekend that SpongeBob, Patrick, and those equally annoying (yet not nearly as bad as those two oafs) Pinkie Pie, AppleJack, and Rainbow Dash go camping.
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✙ Squidward then gestures at his "Dance Quarterly" calendar at a picture of the named group poorly drawn sitting around a camp fire surrounded by trees on his calendar.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Wouldn't it be great if they got lost in the woods and never came back~?
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✙ From here we peer into Squid's head via thought bubble and see a sick fantasy of a sad SpongeBob and Pinkie Pie trailing behind Patrick whom they, for some unknown reason that could only be explained by Celestia herself, trusted enough to wield and read the map.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Guys... I'm scared!
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✙ Squidward's delusions would then be brought to an end there with the fantasy bubble popping to show Squidward excitedly laughing and wiping a tear from his eye.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Ho-ho, that would be great!
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✙ Squidward is then seen, quick as a bullet, lunge towards his bed to get under the covers and started getting comfy with his book open, tea piping, and eyes ready to tear into those paragraphs containing words, containing letters.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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You've waited a long time for this. A soft bed, warm tea, a good book, and two whole days with no…
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✙ Squidward then imitates SpongeBob's laugh but wouldn't stop there, he'd also begin taunting and invoking Pinkie Pie by mocking her clearing his throat to start imitating her tone.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Oh Squidward how ya doin' I just wanna tell you every single insignificant detail about my day and make sure I use up as much oxygen around me as possible because I think everypony should be fully aware of what I do at all times and even know my sleep schedule and eating habits~
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✙ Squidward then blew a raspberry at the open space in front of him and rolled his eyes.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Who am I kidding? That pink horse is 10x worse than SpongeBob. I never even knew that was even possible. Had I known that someone worse than SpongeBob was around in this weird alien burg we're stuck in I'd have taken my chances with that cat armada. Ah well. No going back now...
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✙ Just as Squidward was about to get into the book it would seem his ranting about the situation costed him precious paragraph time as we would then hear the joyous laughter of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie just outside his window leading into his backyard which was more than enough of a reason for someone like Squidward to immediately go into red alert.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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What the-?! Is...Is that those boobs?! And is their laughter coming from my backyard?! What in Neptune's Lampshade are they doing there?!
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✙ Squidward would then immediately run towards his window to stick his whole upper body outside to take a gander at what was going on only to be disturbed by the sight of a tent with a fire pit in front of it set up and the sight of a light coming from inside the tent, outlining SpongeBob Patrick and Pinkie Pie's outlines. Only confirming their presence with their laughter ringing out once more which made Squidward grit his teeth to, predictably, get angry over this invasion of private property. Upon peering inside the tent we see that they were laughing at a "Living Fancy" magazine on a page of Rarity being labeled the 3rd most fancy pony two notches below Filthy Rich himself. Rainbow Dash and Applejack were just laying out on the grass star gazing, Rainbow already had her laugh at Rarity's expense done and was ready to wind down for the night though their once peaceful night was interrupted when they spotted Squidward about to roll up on their crib with an ever present angry look on his face.
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
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Don't look now, but something Squidward this way comes.
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✙ Upon hearing the heads up, Rainbow looked over at Squidward charging towards the tent which made her eyes roll before looking back up at the stars.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
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I'll let you know when I start to care...
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✙ Squidward then poked his head into the tent's front entrance and quickly got to the point as he pointed at SpongeBob.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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SpongeBob, aren't you guys supposed to be camping?
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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We are camping Squidward.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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SpongeBob...It's not camping... IF ITS IN MY BACKYARD! ON MY PROPERTY!!
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✙ Squidward was quite angry and his shouting did little to hide it if nothing at all. Which had Applejack and Rainbow look at the tent in slight shock from the sudden outburst. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie on the other hand just had smiles as they looked at Squidward.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Aww, it doesn't matter where you are as long as you're outdoors. While all those soft city folk are safe in their beds reading books, we're out here, pitting ourselves against the formidable forces of nature. You wanna join us?
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✙ Comically the remark about soft city folks being safe in their beds reading books seemed to have struck a chord with Squidward as the statement made him slightly recoil in shock at the statement as though SpongeBob had called him "Cringe". However the question had sparked some interest in Pinkie as she was shown bouncing in place with a big smile on her face.
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Yeah Squid Head! Join us! Join us! It'll be suuuuuper duper fun~!
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✙ Before Pinkie Pie could even get into her paragraph long tangents Squidward quickly put a stop to it by holding out a tentacle towards her to get her to cease her behavior right then and there.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Ohhh no no! No no no no no no no nope! Nuh uh! I'm NOT camping with anyone! IF anything I want you ALL to leave my backyard! But since I know for a fact that's not gonna happen given how these things usually go between us. I'd rather just not be involved at all thank you very much.
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✙ Squidward's statement got two reactions: A happy reaction out of Rainbow whom quietly looked at Applejack and gave her a silent hoof pump. And a sad reaction from Pinkie just lowering her head in disappointed defeat with Patrick softly rubbing her back. SpongeBob on the other hand was indifferent much like AppleJack and gave Squidward an understanding nod.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Ok. Have fun inside.
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✙ Strike one. Sure Squidward had left but this was only the beginning. As SpongeBob picked up the "Living Fancy" mag once more Squidward immediately came back into the tent with a "sus" look on his face while glaring at SpongeBob.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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What do you mean, "have fun inside"?
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
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Aw hayseed, here we go again...
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Just…have fun inside. See you tomorrow.
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✙ Strike two. Even though Squidward hadn't even left yet you knew this was about to only escalate EVERYTHING as Squidward would just stare at SpongeBob with his neutral expression any seasoned Squidward enthusiast would tell you sh[yay~]t was about to hit the fan-
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Oh. Bye.
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✙ Didn't really take long in the grand scheme of things when you think about it. As SpongeBob picked up the "Living Fancy" mag yet again it only took Squidward nano seconds to come back into the tent only now bearing a bitter accusing look on his face aimed at SpongeBob.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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You little sneak! I see what you're doing!
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✙ At this point Patrick looked at Pinkie Pie and vice versa, completely clueless as to what this talking sea dish was talking about.
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
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You see what he's doin'? I can't see anything with the light off right now.
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✙ Pinkie just shrugged before our attention would turn back to the dynamic duo.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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What?
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Don't think I can't see what you're doing!
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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What?
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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You're saying I can't take it!
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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But all I-
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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AH! You're saying I'm soft! You think your little "have fun inside" challenge is gonna make me come camping with you, but that is NEVER GONNA HAPPEN! There's no way I'm gonna sit out here all night with you herds of losers! So, get used to it!
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✙ Squidward took his leave sure but that "herd of losers" crack got Rainbow Dash about ready to choke a b{-}ch as she puffed out her chest with wings stiffening up.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
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HEY! Wanna try that "herd of losers" comment to my FACE this time?!
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✙ Applejack ever being the voice of reason here as she softly placed a hoof on Dash's arm and gently guided her back towards the ground.
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
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No no no. Believe me, t'ain't worth it.
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✙ Rainbow Dash let out a frustrated sigh, silently admitting AJ was right and would lay back down on the grass. Though strike three soon came and in the most natural of ways when it came to this group of bickering buddies.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Have fun inside~
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✙ Having incurred the WRATH of Squidward, Squiddy would pop his head straight back at the entire group with his POWERFUL vocal chords going ham in creating a gust of wind powerful enough to nearly knock RD and AJ over as well as blow over the tent with his loud voice coming bellowing out.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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THAT'S IT I'M IN!!
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✙ Squidward was then seen immediately running towards his house with both hands out in front of him. Now moving with purpose seeing as his fragile self image and ego were now bruised by the little yellow menace.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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I'll show you camping!
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✙ Despite Squidward's discontent SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie Pie were utterly elated that Squidward was going to come by and spend some time with them. Especially Pinkie. Now that Squidward was joining the festivities she was basically vibrating with anticipation with how much fun they were gonna have.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Squidward's gonna come camping with us!
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✙ Rainbow only rolled her eyes with an annoyed scoff at the news however.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
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I can see this going well.
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✙ Despite Rainbow Dash's clear displeasure of the situation Applejack had to lower her hat and cover her face to silently giggle at how everything just played out. Which lead Applejack to wonder to herself just how often these shenanigan's took place between the former Bikini Bottom crew. Though these thoughts were quickly interrupted by the triumphant return of the legend himself Squid Head running outside with an oversized camping backpack strapped onto his back.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Now you'll all see how a real…
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✙ In true dignified manner Squidward would fall face first into the dirt due to how overly packed his camping pack was which made Rainbow and Pinkie laugh at his expense. Ever the tank, Squidward didn't let this deter him, if anything once he pulled himself out of the pack he stood to his tentacled feet more determined than ever to prove to them that he could camp.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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...outdoorsman does it! Here we are-- my remote-controlled, self-assembling tent. Watch and learn~
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✙ Squidward had pulled out a cylinder looking pack which held his self assembling tent which had SpongeBob takes out binoculars while Patrick and Pinkie Pie gets out a notepad and a pair of glasses while Rainbow Dash only rolled her eyes. Though Applejack was showing some interest seeing as there was no "self assembling" type tech anywhere in Ponyville. If anything the only way you'd see something "self assemble" would be if unicorns were getting involved to construct buildings with the use of magic. Squidward had the show floor and he quickly went on with his display as he throws the bag in the air then gets out the remote and pushes the button. The bag explodes and the tent, sticks, and rope fall on the ground with an anti climatic resolution that just overall looked pathetic. Pathetic enough to get Rainbow Dash to double over onto her back laughing with Applejack once again removing her hat to stifle a giggle at Squidward's expense.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
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Bravo Squidhead. Bravo indeed~!
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Yeah, that was great, Squidward! But how do you get inside?
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
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Yeah, it's all crushy-looking.
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
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Is that how you guys set up tents under the sea? Or maybe is it like a beach type thing where people just set out mats on the sand and just lay back to catch some rays~?!
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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No! It isn't put up yet, you idiots!
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✙ Like the manly man that he was, Squidward would start fumbling around with the tent only to then rip it nearly in half which made Rainbow Dash start tearing up as she fell flat on her back while kicking her rear hooves up into the air.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Customization!
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
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Genius!
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✙ Said genius was seen beating the tent with the stick like one DOESN'T beat their meat cause' it's No Nut Novemnber and all reading this story are good little boys and girls. Right~? ….Riiiiight? Remember. NO NUTTING!! A-Anyway back to the story, Squidward is being his usual incompetent self which makes Rainbow do the funny.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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He's tenderizing the ground!
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
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Of course!
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✙ The next scene however showed Squidward blowing a whistle which summoned Spike to approach Squidward and kneel down to present a black box labled "Ye Olde Rel'iable" which when opened revealed the almighty jackhammer. Why one would need a jackhammer to set up a tent? Safe to assume Squidward just gave up and said "frick it!" which made him pick it up and turn it on to start jacking the tent up with Spike adding to the aid by inhaling deep into his tiny baby dragon legs before exhaling to start burning the tent which would then transition the screen to Princess Celestia's bedroom. Having gone to sleep for the night with her shift over only to then get tent equipment rained down on her making her yelp in surprise as she jolted to her feet.
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┊𝕻𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖘𝖘 𝕮𝖊𝖑𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖆┊
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What the-?! Who's it?! Whu-?
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✙ Upon looking down Celestia saw that the tent equipment was teleported to her bedroom which would then have her notice the name "Squidward Tentacles" engraved on a tent pole which made her face scrunch up with rage. Back to the group Squidward had just finished destroying the tent we'd see him sit down with Spike making his way back to the library while Squiddy cooled himself down.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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B-But what could compare to just lying out under the stars~?
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✙ Squidward tried to save face but that was ruined the moment Celestia was seen on screen which made both Rainbow Dash and Applejack quickly jolt from shock and fear given her look WASN'T happy at all. Though Pinkie SpongeBob and Patrick were as clueless as ever as the trio waved at her.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ/ραтяι¢к ѕтαя/Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Hi Princess Celestia~!
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✙ Sadly Celestia wasn't in the best of moods so the kind greeting was flat out ignored with Celestia staring UV rays down at Squidward that would cause skin cancer to anyone else. But this is my story so cancer doesn't exist here. Regardless Squidward had a look of shock and confusion hearing the trio just call out a greeting to Celestia which made Squidward's head turn back a full 1080 degrees like a danged owl.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Huh?!
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✙ The tent equipment Squidward thought he burned up was then hovered before him in a golden aura of magic which made Squidward give it a nervous look, having started to piece two and two together as to why she was here now.
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┊𝕻𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖘𝖘 𝕮𝖊𝖑𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖆┊
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Does THIS belong to you?
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✙ Squidward only gulped nervously before speaking up.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Uhhh….Y-Y-Ye...Yes?
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✙ Celestia then stretched her neck out as she glared deep into Squidward's eyes that were damn near creepypasta levels of furious. Her irises even turned into mini suns due to the rage of having her nap be interrupted having boiled to the surface.
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┊𝕻𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖘𝖘 𝕮𝖊𝖑𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖎𝖆┊
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I̶̴̗̗̦͍ͨͭ̉͢͟ t̴͕͖͓̀h̶̯̰̝̻̿̓͢ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚û̶͙̽̿͆̈g̴̶̛̮̣͙͠h̶̯̰̝̻̿̓͢t̴͕͖͓̀ s̩͙͖̋͛͟ȍ̸̢̢̮͚̐̚...
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✙ What followed next was a brutal beat down that's so brutal Pinkie ended up having to break the 4th wall by covering the screen with a "We'll Be Right Back" screen and a nervous look on her face only to look at you, the reader, with a look of regret on her face.
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
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Yeeeah….you REALLY don't wanna know what's going on back there...
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✙ Several moments of painful beatings later...
Celestia was then seen trotting away from Squidward to head back to her castle and hopefully continue her nights long sleep while Squidward was seen completely destroyed from Celestia's brutal beat down. Just laying flat on the ground with Rainbow's eyes drowning in tears from trying not to bust an artery from holding in her laughter.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Squidward! Are you okay?!
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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NO I'm not "okay" you BARNACLE HEAD! DO I LOOK LIKE I'M OKAY?!
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Well your nose does look pretty big. I mean bigger than usual because it's usually pretty big. And you look clammy. And- OH MY GOSH YOU'RE BALD!!
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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...Yeah...Whatever...
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✙ After picking himself up and popping the bones in his back into place...which...like...how? Octopi are invertebrates...? Mang, I dunno. I just know Squidward been popping his back in some episodes when he gets the Krusty Value Deals kicked out of him. So there! But after all that Squidward approaches the group with a defeated sigh on his face.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Well, I've worked up an appetite as big as all outdoors. Time for a little grub.
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
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Ya should be hungry after all that wrestlin’ with yer tent an’ yer surprise visit from royalty~
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✙ Apparently it was Kick the Squid day as everyone jumped in on the laughter this time not just Rainbow whom was already R.I.P'd in a pool of her own tears, doing the Peter Griffin lay out while in the puddle of her tears. Squidward on the other hand just looked at everyone with an unamused look on his face before casually pulling out a can in his hands.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Whatever. Anyway, for terms of food, especially knowing it involves the equines. I suppose you’re gonna stew up some hay and grass, right?
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Nope, we've got something even better-
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✙ Hearing this made Pinkie Pie suddenly look up in realization and looked over at her collection of hay fries, a fine delicacy in Ponyville mind you, and would look around before quickly scarfing them down to swallow and hide them. Smiling nervously at the audience as if to try and hide a mistake as the camera then panned to SpongeBob pulling out a bag of Marshamllows.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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-Marshmallows~!
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✙ SpongeBob would then pop one in his mouth with a pleased moan of joy before opening his mouth to show the marshmallow stuck to pretty much every part of the inside of his mouth.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
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Mmm-mm. Just like the astronauts eat~!
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✙ Understandably Applejack was pretty much confused as to what a Astronaut was as canonically the only person to be to the moon was Luna herself so space travel was never really possible for the ponies but this was where legendary 4th wall ball buster Pinkie Pie popped up and gave the whole speel.
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
You REALLY need to get out more! An astronaut is a brave frontier that goes into a BIIIG ship and flies off into the stars! Going off world and traveling the other planets in the galaxy that surrounds us! Some to seek aliens! Some to seek fame and fortune! But me? I dream to find the legendary planet known as NAMEK! To find the dragon balls and wish to be the 7th Hokage of the Hidden village and become a PRO wizard! Just like Harry Potter!
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✙ With a swift record scratch the screen looked over at the group just starring at Pinkie Pie like she just hit that sweet DANK KUSH! And was going off a pretty powerful high.
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Ah haven't the faintest idea on what yer goin' on about Pinkie. But if they're all the way up in them there stars, they must know what good eatin' like. Pass me a Marsh too!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Pass me two!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ SpongeBob handed the two their marshmallows upon request but soon enough someone imitating radio static with their mouth was heard and with the camera panning out Patrick was seen radio screeching into his hand.
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Patrick to SpongeBob. Patrick to SpongeBob. Do you read me? Over.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ SpongeBob was then seen with a fishbowl over his head in almost no time at all mimicking walkie talkie static to play along with Patrick.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
SpongeBob to Patrick. I read you. Over.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Pinkie Pie was next only taking it a full step further, as usual, by being fully donned in an astronaut outfit made for equines as she pushed a button which made a real walkie talkie static sound before speaking up.
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Pinkie to Spongey Do you read me? Over.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ The King of imagination himself, SpongeBob would be put in a space suit that would fit his spongey body to have both him and Pinkie float into the air. Pressing a button on his chest to activate the walkie talkie.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Spongey to Pinkie. You’re coming it loud and clear. Over.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Patrick of course wasn't being left out either with his body seen being kept inside a star fish suited astronaut suit now floating upside down in the air while looking at SpongeBob.
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Patrick to SpongeBob. I’d like on. Over.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Pinkie to Patty. Me too.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ The inseparable trio would just spam touch their walkie talkie buttons while Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Squidward were just dumbfounded, starring in utter awe at what they were doing. The space suits had NO logical explanations as to why they were there and the three were just FLOATING like gravity just took a vacation to its mothers house for a bit which had them just looking at them before looking at each other.
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Uhhhh….anyone got any Equestrian idea on what's going on right now?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Rainbow and Squiderd had no explanation to give and would ultimately just shrug and shook their heads before suddenly SpongeBob held up some marshmallows to toss them into the air which also floated in zero gravity.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
SpongeBob to Patrick, SpongeBob to Pinkie. Help yourselves. Over.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yummy!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Patrick would grab one and slam his fist through his helmet to have glass shatter everywhere making his astronaut suit suddenly vanish which made Patrick face plant into the ground before holding up his hand to give a thumbs up.
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Patrick to SpongeBob! Patrick to Pinkie! The deliciousness has landed!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ SpongeBob, Pinkie Pie, and Patrick all shared a laugh together having genuinely been enjoying each other's company since the group moved to Ponyville and became close friends with the Mane 6. Squidward on the other hand would just roll his eyes at their antics having lost interest in the explanation on why they have astronaut suits and would stand up while holding out his can once more.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Well, you astronauts can eat marshmallows. I gonna have a can of Swedish Barnacle Balls...just as soon as I can get my can opener.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Squidward pivoted to his house to grab it only to suddenly screech to a halt when SpongeBob spoke up.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
But Squidward, didn't you take a can opener when you hiked out here?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Why would I bother? We're ten feet from my house!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
This coming from the guy that packed a back pack that's larger than his music career? Gimmie a break! You didn't pack a can opener because you're lazy! And a bad camper, despite you supposedly "showing us how a real outdoorsman does it"~
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Rainbow's roasting, while fair, were ruthless making Squidward growl in angry anger before sighing in defeat as he leaned over to SpongeBob to grab a marshmallow.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Alright. Alright. Gimmie a marshmallow.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ At this point hilarity was to ensue. Squidward would put the marshmallow on a stick and start roasting it with Patrick being his usual dumb self in putting the whole marsh into the fire instantly putting it on fire which made Patrick scream before quickly blowing the fire out only to have the molten foodstuffs launched into Squidward's face which made Rainbow and Applejack burst out laughing. Squidward would just angrily wipe the food off his face only for Patrick to blow more molten foodstuffs into Squiddy's face which had Applejack and Rainbow give off a heart Mutahar SomeOrdinaryGamers laugh as they both looked at Squidward thoroughly humiliated by Patrick though Squidward just wiped himself off and quickly went back to roasting again but this time Patrick blew his hot food stuffs at Squidward but THIS TIME Squidward dodged and laughed this time. Feeling victorious only for us to see AU Twilight and Pinkie Pie opening up a wormhole in the fabric of space which caught the gang off guard.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
What the-?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Hurry Pinkie! We don't have much time! The fate of our very future is at stake!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊Ⓕⓤⓣⓤⓡⓔ Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Right!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Without warning or so much as a prior heads up, Pinkie Pie picked up the same molted food stuffs Squidward just dodged and lobbed it straight at Squids face which had gotten a snicker out of Rainbow just because of how random and just so out of place the situation was.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
HEY!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
You'll thank me for this later. I assure you.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ And just like that the two vanished, the rip in space time eventually mended itself. Sending that version of Twilight and Pinkie back to their original timeline. Leaving the group to just sit in their spot at the campsite with Squidward just looking at the group.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Ok. Besides lobbing molten food stuffs at me, what else do you do for fun?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Hearing that question made a dark smirk form on Rainbow's face before slowly rubbing her hooves together.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Simple~ Well tell scary stories! You guys do like scary stories, right~?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ As Rainbow asked this, she flew into the air, slowly and intimidatingly getting close to the gang which started creeping SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie out. Making the trio hug each other while shivering.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Uh, s-sure R-Rainbow...W-We don’t mind…r-r-right Patick?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
R-Right SpongeBob! We can totally handle it, we’re not babies. R-Right Pinkie Pie?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ At first Pinkie didn't say anything, the camera's panning to her showed Pinkie getting Holy water and a crucifix ready for the inevitable scares that ensued. Rainbow kinda had a history of regaling horrible (in a terrifying way) stories that left Pinkie wetting herself most of the times. And so Pinkie wasn't very confident this time around either. But she remained steadfast to at least go along with it to seem braver to SpongeBob and Co.
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
U-U-Uh-huuuh….
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Squidward on the other hand had a very different reaction, un-amusement. Squidward was that boring stuffy adult so to him the idea of "scary stories" being fun just seemed utterly ridiculous to him. Applejack on the other hand just knew at this point how Rainbow behaved when it came to her antics and was just bracing herself to act ridiculous to try and be "scary" which to AJ just came off as trying to be scary to kindergarteners rather than actual adults. But she digressed in just laying on her side to watch and see how things would turn out.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
The story is called "One Night at Flumpty's"~
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ The title immediately had the Goober Trio loosen up with Pinky almost ready to put the Holy Water away.
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
One night at Flumpty's~? That's doesn't sound so bad!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yeah! Flumpty sounds like a really nice name! Like "SpongeBob"!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Rainbow then quickly flew in their face which made Pinkie and Patrick quickly hug and squeeze each other tightly in fear with a big evil grin on Dashie's face being seen.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Oh that's EXACTLY what Flumpty WANTS you to think~!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Now just what in the flying Sarsaparilla is "Flumpty" anyway?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
An egg~!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ No further context was needed. The gang immediately burst out laughing at the revelation that they were actually about to hear the story about an egg.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
An egg?! You got us worked up over an egg?! EH-HAA! EH-HAA! EH-HAA!!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yeah! Ya gotta admit Dash! That's kinda ridiculous~!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ The laughter did little to deter Rainbow, she still smirked evilly as she rubbed her hooves together.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Flumpty is no ordinary egg~ Flumpty is a god! Or a devil. However way you wanna look at it.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Huh? A god? How?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Many years ago, a lone egg that was laid by a random hen had popped out and was nursed by her. But when it came time to hatch the egg didn't hatch in a normal way. No. This egg achieved sentience before hatching and by doing so the egg grew arms and legs. Even getting a face, naming itself Flumpty. As Flumpty continued to grow he noticed more and more he started getting powers. Powers that allowed him to transcend reality making him omnipotent and omnipresent. He can be anywhere and everywhere at the same time AND has magical powers too! But that's not what makes Flumpty so dangerous. No. What makes him so terrifying is he's immune to the plot.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Immune to the plot? What?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
What in tar nation does that even mean?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
It means there's no limits to what Flumpty can do~ Flumpty can kill everyone in Equestria and bring them back seconds later as though nothing happened. He can rewind time and manipulate stories and remain entirely unaffected. And you can't harm him. It's impossible! For he is, immune, to the plot.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Then that takes this story....where exactly?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Rainbow Dash would then blip in front of Squidward's face and poked his nose with her hoof.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Well listen up and I'll tell ya!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Dashie would then bolt straight back over the group and regale the story of Flumpty kidnapping the story teller and giving detail about the messed up lore of Flumpty's having gotten to the plot of One Night at Flumpty's 2 describing how many iconic icons like Piglet from Winnie the Pooh was pinned to a wall with his torso split open like a dissection project or how Luigi was horribly disfigured and used as a prop in one hallway.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
But that's hardly the worse part of it. Flumpty and his friends are as evil as they are sadistic. They once put the viewer in a room wide open and vulnerable to attack with his only means of survival being a light switch.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ At this point the Goofy trio were about to wet themselves again the story being a bit more twisted than they were expecting by this point with even AJ sitting at attention. She was no weakling by any means but stories of bodies being torn apart were never her strong area.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
A light switch? How did that help?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Like I said, Flumpty and his friends are as evil as they are sadistic. They all knew he was in the room. That's why they were working to get to that room. They were only following the rules. Of which the jingle explains.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Rainbow would then hold up a tape recorder and press the play button to have the One Night at Flumpty's 2 jingle play before singing along to it.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Welcome one and all to Flumpty Bumpty's if the lights turned off then you're safe~
If your lights are on then they'll come find you and rip you a brand new face~
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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*Author's Note: If you wanna hear the One Night at Flumpty's 2 jingle for yourself, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOBGNjrQs4w
✙ With the jingle sang and finished with weird audio garble Rainbow put the casset player away and would get back to the story.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
And so as the jingle goes, the rules of the game are if you turn the lights off then they'll ignore you and move on. But if the lights are on for too long when they reach your room...then....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Then- Then- Then- Then what?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
You sure you wanna know~?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
What? What do they do?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Are you absolutely sure you want to know~?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
C-C'mon Dashie...Tell us...What do they do?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Are you ABSOLUTELY sure you want to know~?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
What?! What?! What do they do?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Without a second's warning Rainbow suddenly teleported behind the overly anxious Goofy Goober trio and would poke SpongeBob on the back.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
THEY GET YA!!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ The perfect jumpscare which had sent the Goofy trio into an absolute ballistic frenzy of fear which made it Squidward's turn for once to start laughing at them with Applejack and Rainbow Dash joining in at their expense though soon enough they'd relax with Applejack looking over at Squidward with a soft smile.
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Now there, ya see Squiddy? Ain't that bad to cut loose and have some fun now is there?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Squidward didn't wanna admit it but seeing SpongeBob scream and cry like a baby was lethargic for the ole' stick in the mud but because it's Suidderd of course he'd never admit it so instead he pulled out his clarinet to try and lob the subject a bit off course as to not answer.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Maybe...But what's more of my speed is music. More specifically my own~
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Seeing Squidward whip out his weapon made Dash's eyes shrink in pure abject horror as she raised her hooves over her head.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Oh sweet Celestia no....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Squidward takes a deep breath as he held up his clarinet and plays "Michael, Row The Board Ashore" though in his usual no talent Squidward style he was infamous for which had made both Rainbow and Applejack cover their ears with looks of utter pain and horror on their faces.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Oh no!!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ SpongeBob called out in terror as he pointed at Squidward before pulling out a trusty slingshot and placed a marshmallow inside.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
I'll save you Squidward!!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ 3...2...1...Lift off. That Marshmallow zoomed straight into that squiddy windpipe like ya gurl sliding into the DM's only instead of a good result coming from it, it resulted in Squidward basically almost dying. Having only let out a small whistle on his clarinet only to then fall back and lay flat on the ground though Pinkie was quick to help him chew it down and swallow.
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
There we go. Chew. Chew. And swwalllowww…..There, now isn't that better?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
BETTER?! I WAS JUST FINE UNTIL YOU LAUNCHED THAT BALLISTIC JUNKFOOD INTO MY WINDPIPE!!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ The understandably angery squid had a point with which SpongeBob would explain as to why a Squid almost had to die on this night.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
But I had to! It's too dangerous to play the clarinet badly out here in the wilderness! It might attract…
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Once again Squidward had to imitate the blinking eyes meme with SpongeBob just so casually roasting him without so much as a second thought though this offense was quickly erased when SpongeBob brought the once sea squid in to whisper into his ear.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
...An Ursa Minor....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
An Ursa Minor? You mean like the ones that DON'T EXIST?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Such a blasphemous statement got Pinkie, Rainbow, AND AJ looking at Squidward like he just fell off the utz wagon.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Hey Squid, you sure that marshmallow didn't lodge itself into your brain? Of COURSE Ursa Minor's exist! There's even Ursa MAJORS that make the minors look like house cats in comparison!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yeah, as a matter of fact an Ursa Minor even came through Ponyville once. A while ago actually.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Really Applejack? Really?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ The doubt in Squidwards voice was as thick and palpable as the ink he stored inside of him though the group did not budge on the matter with Rainbow Dash taking her turn to give an exposition dump. Cause' those are always good to have in a good story.
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yeah! We had an attack when Trixie came by boasting about how ‘awesome’ she was thanks to some stupid evil magic enhancement necklace she found that put her magic on roids. She was real proud of herself until a real one came by and almost trashed the town. Course' the fraud was useless the whole time, would've been completely flattened if Twilight hadn't saved the day.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Honestly Squidward, ah don’t think you should be doubtin’ an Ursa Minor until ya see one fer yerself
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Squidward had the biggest "X to Doubt" look on his face hearing this nonsensical babble but would immediately have the idea to test out this theory. Having gotten rid of his doubtful persona and would then point at Applejack with a calm smile on his face.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
You know what AppleJack? You’re right! I should be more careful. In fact, why don't you tell me all of the things I shouldn't do if I want to keep the Ursa Minors away?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Rainbow wasn't the sharpest knife in the crayon box when it came to figuring people out but even she knew this had bull{schit} written all over it. And would shake her head in disbelief Squidward would be dumb enough to tempt fate but the Goofy Goober trio had his death sentence covered with Pinkie Pie pulling up a Do's and Don't's list for Ursa Minor's conveniently written and documented by Twilight herself.
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Thanks to Twilight's list its easy to follow. First off: Don't play the clarinet. Ever.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Puh-lease! Spare us the ear tumors!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
...Okay, what's next?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Never wave your flashlight back and forth really fast.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Flashlights are their natural prey.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
You're kidding.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ Squidward was so obviously leading them by their ringers but she wasn't gonna fall for this as she suddenly started flying off into the air to watch the brewhaha take place from up above.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Don't stomp around. They take that as a challenge.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Last pony to stomp near an Ursa Minor needed a closed casket funeral.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yeah, yeah, go on.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Don't ever eat cheese!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Sliced or cubed?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ Squidward was then revealed to ACTUALLY be taking notes which surprised AJ but also started getting her sussy meter rising a little bit though the question made SpongeBob, Patrick, and Pinkie hold a mini debate with each of them showing off conspiracy theory level boards with news articles stapled left and right with red lines made of yarn connecting the dots, and pictures of Ursa Minors/Majors on their boards. Soon enough the senate had decided Squid's fate as they looked back at him.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Cubed. Sliced is fine.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yeah? Yeeeah? Aaaaaand?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Never wear a sombrero-
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
-in a goofy fashion!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Or Fortnite/Among Us merch!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
And don't you 'ever'
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Ever!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
EVER!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Gasp!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ/ραтяι¢к ѕтαя/Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
ASK WHAT THE DOG DOING!!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ The complete breakdown of the Don't's had the gooft goober trio all breaking out into tears from fear as they all hugged each other though Squid's fake acting and bad talent seeped through as it usually does which made AJ raise an eyebrow at him.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Wow! That's amazing how many things can set an Ursa Minor off...
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ/ραтяι¢к ѕтαя/Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
They're horrible....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
And...all of a sudden I get the sense that we're all in danger....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ That right there the red flag AJ needed to hear which had her give Squidward a look of disbelief and annoyance at his antics.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
You wouldn't dare....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
I'm just saying Applejack....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ Squidward spoke in fake sorrow only to come back with every item listed above, even wearing an Amougus Shirt with a Fortnite Chug Jug container in his left tentacle.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Just a feeling~!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
No....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yes~
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
I'm warnin' ya Squid. If yew value yer life ya won't go invokin'-
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
What the dog doin'?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ Squid's fate was sealed. Applejack wasted no time in getting SpongeBob, Pinkie, and Patrick lasso'd up and yanked over to her in order to quickly draw an Anti-Usra Minor circle in the dirt before the group would sit in the circle. Squidward on the other hand was doing the Default Fortnite Dance Taunt as they were hiding behind the circle which made Rainbow nearly vomit from the sight alone.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Hrk-! At this point....I'm gonna rooting for the Ursa right about now.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! You guys are soooo gullible. See? I did everything that attracted an Ursa Minor and nothing happened. If they existed why didn't one show up?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ Plot Twist: The Ursa Minor was already here and tapped Squidward's shoulder to have him turn around to look at him.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Huh?....Uh......oh.....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Huh?....Uh......oh.....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊🅤🅡🅢🅐 🅜🅘🅝🅞🅡┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yeah, listen. Usually when I maul someone it's cause I do it to protect my home, my family, or I'm just hungry. But you? Actually wearing Among Us and Fortnite Merch AND default dancing in 2021...I'm sorry but what I'm about to do next is what's called "Divine Justice". It's just business.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ What followed next was Squidward getting the absolute ink kicked out of him, the Ursa Minor held nothing back. Just constant pummeling that would make Mortal Kombat 9's X-Rays look like a toddler playing with building blocks in comparison. It got so bad Pinkie had to censor that too with a Discovery Channel logo on top to try and pass the scene behind her as a nature documentary as to not get the Fanfic C&D'd by any pearl clutching TV network. Thanks Pinkie, you the real one.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
S'wat I do~
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ By the time the brutal beat down was over Squidward was just a lump of sore meat that was tossed at the gang's feet as the Ursa Minor stomped past them but before heading back into the forest he turned around and pointed at the group.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊🅤🅡🅢🅐 🅜🅘🅝🅞🅡┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Oh and by the way. If you ever bring him outside near my forest again? I'm gonna rearrange all your faces. Just a warning. See ya.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ Once the Ursa took his leave the goofy goober trio all waved at him to bid the massive f{ric}k off bear a fond farewell before all emerging from their Ursa Minor circle.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ/ραтяι¢к ѕтαя/Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Bye Ursa~!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
See Squidward? I hope you learned your lesson. Nature is no laughing matter.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊R͛a͛i͛n͛b͛o͛w͛ ͛D͛a͛s͛h͛┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
I dunno. Seeing that beat down kinda had me laughing up a storm for a bit. Haven't laughed this much consistently since the time I first met Pinkie. This camping trip was a huge success in my eyes.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Ah'm just glad no one got hurt.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Me too.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
If anything I'm just glad it was an Ursa Minor. That dirt circle would NEVER hold back an Ursa Major.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ Once Squidward managed to hold up his broken neck to hold up his head, he worriedly looked at Pinkie Pie having gotten the memory of the major bear's existence beaten thoroughly beaten out of his brain prior.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Wh-What attracts them-?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
The sounds of an Ursa Minor attack.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
✙ The Camera would then pan out to show that the Minor's mother, the Ursa Major was standing behind the group looking peeved as heck from the event that had just transpired which made Squidward ink himself on the spot in primal fear.
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Good thing we're all wearing our anti-Ursa Major underwear. Right Squidward?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Uhhh….Huh?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
• ――― ·• ʚ「𝕋𝕙𝕖 ℂ𝕒𝕞𝕡𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝔼𝕡𝕚𝕤𝕠𝕕𝕖 ℝ𝕖𝕕𝕦𝕩」ɞ ·•
The End
Author's Note
Hello there kind reader! I hope all you good little boys and girls enjoyed the read, because~ IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO WALK THE PLANK!!
Intermission...[i/]
Oops...Er- I mean uhh...It's time for me to thank you for reading! In case anyone that used to follow me didn't know (cause' I dunno if people get notified about updates when it comes to blogs) but I am indeed back. Life was busy, life was bad for about 2 years. Things still aren't great but they're WAY BETTER than what it was back in late 2019. Glad to be back and shall be doing requests for future episodes they wanna see adapted into this formatted style. Also give feedback. That's a must for story tellers to improve. Do you like the fancy layout I made for this redux? Or is it flipping awful and anything like this should never be brought back again? I'll be looking forward to reading your feedback and hope to see you in the funny papers!
Author's Note
And now it's time for the Author's Note corner!
We then peer inside Admin's house to see him spinning around his swivel chair to look at the readers.
Hey doods! Still around and still updating the story! Just job's been busy and currently on a 5 day work streak. So yeah. Episodes gonna be slow but hopefully this was well worth the wait.
Today's Episode was requested and brought to you by: "BlackWhiteFiM9120" so shout outs to that guy. Hope you enjoy the show!
The Admin then rolls away from the computer to show his PC screen so the viewer can finally tear into that good story content.
𝓟𝓸𝓷𝔂-𝓥𝓲𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷
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ᑭᗝᑎƳ-ᐯIᔕIᗝᑎ
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• ――― ·• ʚ「𝓟𝓸𝓷𝔂-𝓥𝓲𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷」ɞ ·•
✙ Ah yes, here we are. Back at it again with the good content. This episode being no different as it starts at the night view of the Pony-Ville with a parasprite on the sign, those little winged demons were STILL around despite the trouble they caused in season one...Seriously how have they not been geocided yet? Anyway... we then see there's a view of Squidward's house, with a light now turned on. Getting a closer look on the scene Squidward is seen picking up a tv remote and sits on his couch
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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All of the most intelligent programming starts before 5 AM~ At least...well...it did back in Bikini Bottom. I dunno if any of these talking multi-colored equines even understand the subtle intricacy of living fancy but...Only one way to find out I guess.
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✙ With nothing left to loose at this point, Squidward would push the power button on the remote to turn the TV on only to be shown a "Please Stand By" picture with an image of Luna and Celestia holding the sun and moon in the background.
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┊ᴀɴɴᴏᴜɴᴄᴇʀ┊
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Our programming will begin shortly.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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No, no, no. Take your time. I mean if you're going to let me down, the very least you could do is let me down gently.
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┊ᴀɴɴᴏᴜɴᴄᴇʀ┊
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Equestria Public Access presents: ...
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✙ The dramatic pause wasn't filling Squid with confidence, even shown with Squidward just folding his tentacles over each other and raising an...eyebrow? Or the part of his head where his eyebrows WOULD be if they actually existed. He just waited for the name to be announced until we would see a Title Card on screen reading: "Sweet and Elite" which the title seemed to have struck a chord in Squidward. The "elite" part of the title making his ego feel inflated.
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┊ᴀɴɴᴏᴜɴᴄᴇʀ┊
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..."Sweet and Elite," your source for the latest in exotic rich pony folk, collectible jewel-encrusted yokes, and classical doorbell chimes~
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✙ With each description given we'd get different views on the screen which made Squidward's eyes become slowly glued to the screen. The description of exotic pony folk showed snobby nose in the air rich ponies just sauntering around which pretty much sold Squidward right from the jump. By this point in the series Squidward was new to Ponyville and Equestria as a whole so it stood to reason that he believed that he didn't really think anyone understood his views of "fancy living." Though the jewel-encrusted yokes were kinda weird for him given he wasn't a horse and wearing those yokes weren't really his style but he admired their attempts all the same. Especially since MLP is a series kinda known for its stunningly beautiful gems. Though Squidward's interest was piqued to the point he was actually smiling and clapping when he heard a doorbell play the William Towel Overture upon being pressed.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Well skin me alive and trench me into boiling oil! This is amazing! Just LOOK at those amazing works of art! The high classes breathing the epitome of what it means to living fancy! To think these small horses know a thing or two about culture and art?! I may have spoke too soon about these good people~
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┊ᴀɴɴᴏᴜɴᴄᴇʀ┊
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...has been canceled!
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✙ A loud buzzer would then ring out which had caught Squidward off guard but he was also angered. Angered to the point he ended up kicking his table over with one swift leg motion.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Neptunes puddle! JUST when I thought I found SOMETHING I could relate to! SOMETHING that could make me feel "somewhat" at home, it turns out they CANCELLED it! Grrrr!! I need my tea....
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✙ Squidward was then seen at the kitchen counter with his tea being brewed in the tea machine and getting a piping hot cup filled after the tea bags were immersed in water.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Why in the world would they cancel "Sweet and Elite?" What could possibly be more enriching? Could their society be that advanced that they have more culture that needed to be shared?
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✙ Squidward walked back to the sofa to get a good sip of his tea only to spit that shit out on the tv screen when dubstep started blaring from the speakers. The house was even shaking with how loud the dubstep was which started making a small golden ball be seen from Celestia's room signaling Squidward was about to get goatsee'd yet again if he didn't kill the sound which Squiward took notice and started to frantically press the buttons on his screen to try and stop the noise from disturbing the peace.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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C'mon! C'mon! C'mon! C'mon!!
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✙ Just in the nick of time Squidward found the mute button which made all the noise suddenly stop and the quiet stillness of night took over once more with which Celestia's "warm" glow dimmed down until it finally vanished which made Squidward's blood finally start flowing again while wiping the sweat off his head.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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*Phew* Okay...Okay okay Squiddy...calm down....Nothing to get worried over. The noise is gone....
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✙ With that moment now gone Squidward suddenly remembered why he was in that situation in the first place and glared angrily at the TV to see who it was that almost earned him getting Celestia's name tattoo'd onto his brain. Seeing the TV again showed it was Vinyl Scratch herself still blaring music on her end but thanks to the mute button nothing was really going on that would earn Squiddy another royal aft kicking.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Grrrr….!!! And who is this?! She looks like the type that would hang with SpongeBreath and his clique of simpletons!
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✙ Squidward then angrily grabbed the remote and would unmute the TV and immediately lower the volume as to not get head hunted. Just in the nick of time with Vinyl's intro being finished, finally, showing a title for her shown called "The Night Life" with the emblem of Vinyl's cutie mark being embedded into the moon shown on the title screen with the next scene showing Vinyl standing in front of the TV and moving her shades up out of her eyes.
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┊🆅🅸🅽🆈🅻 🆂🅲🆁🅰🆃🅲🅷┊
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'Sup everypony~ Welcome to "The Night Life". A place where we can all enjoy some sick beats and spin some hype tables!
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✙ Squidward just couldn't believe his eyes and ears. Everything about Vinyl just rubbed him the wrong way (PAUSE!) and he wasn't happy to have his early morning fancy show, a show that was his one and only chance to get a peek into Equestrian culture and art, ruined by someone that looked like she did kids parties on the side.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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She obviously doesn't know the first thing about music! This is an outrage!
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✙ As Vinyl got her DJ table set up, Squidward was seen getting up and running out of his house, busting down the wall out of anger as he charged straight at Twilight's Treehouse Library (back when that was a thing for us OG's out there). From here we'd jump cut inside the treehouse with Spike fast asleep but Twilight was up doing some early morning studies. Twilight seemed extra prepared for this too, she already had a night light on with reading glasses all complete with a cup of hot cocoa and marshmallows inside.
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
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Ahh~ 3 AM, seems like that's the only time I can get some quality studying in without getting interrupted by-
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✙ BAM! Speak of the devil, Squidward just slammed into the library. Busting through Twilight's front door which made her drop her book and jolt up in surprise on what the hay just happened.
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
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What the {Dolphin sfx}?! Squidward?! What on EARTH are you doing?! And at 3AM no less?!
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✙ Squidward paid Twilight no mind and instead went up to the top bedroom bunk area to find and grab Spike. Raising him into the air which made Spike suddenly wake up while looking around.
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┊$pїкё┊
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Buh- Whu-? Whu happen'-?
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✙ Spike was rudely interrupted from his nap so he was still trying to wake up but before any questions could be answered Squidward started running out the door with Spike which caught Twilight off guard. Off guard enough to forgo logic and just use magic to grab him instead she just runs after him as fast as she could.
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
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HEY! Where do you think you're going?!
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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I need him for something important! I'll give him back in a minuet!!
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
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You COULD just EXPLAIN why you're doing this instead of just running off randomly at 3 IN THE {Dolphin sfx}ing MORNING!!
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✙ Soon enough Squidward lead Twilight back to his house, running back in through the hole in the wall he made prior to set Spike down in front of the TV and started writing a letter swiftly.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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I need you to send a letter Spike. And NO it's NOT to Celestia. In the name of Neptune's grace DO NOT bother or wake up that monster for any reason whatsoever!
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✙ Spike, still drowsy from the rude awakening, rubbed his eye with a yawn before giving Squidward an annoyed but also confused expression on his face.
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┊$pїкё┊
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So...It's not a letter on what you learned about the magic of friendship?
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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NO! I'm not doing that cringe stuff Twilight's into! This is important!
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
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Cringe?!
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✙ Twilight was heard off screen before walking into view with an irritated look on her face but Squidward was still writing his angry letter only to then roll it up and seal it before extending a tentacle out to Spike.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Here!
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
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Squidward! What has gotten into you? What's got you so riled up that you have to wake us up so early and just have Spike send a letter out so early in the morning?
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✙ Squidward then pointed at the TV in the living room to show Vinyl having just finished playing a song and spinning one of her vinyl records on her hoof. Smiling confidently at the camera.
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┊🆅🅸🅽🆈🅻 🆂🅲🆁🅰🆃🅲🅷┊
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And that was my new single~ I call it "The 12 Days of Dash-mas". A shoutout to mah boi Dashie! Out there hitting nearly sixift million subscribers! (Author's Message: This isn't a joke just a shameless plug. Sub to Dashiegames.) Keep it real out there Dash!
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Her! SHE is my problem! I was just about to enjoy an early morning show called "Sweet and Elite"! It was my ONLY chance at being able to enjoy high class culture and art Equestria might have! Ever since we were forced to leave Bikini Bottom behind I haven't been able to enjoy a SINGLE crumb, not even a morsel of culture that could satisfy my fancy schmancy sensibilities! Then came along fancy living high class ponies, jewel encrusted yokes, classical door chimes! ALL of it GONE all because of THAT talentless hack!
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✙ While Squidward was on his rant Spike just huffed some green fire and sent the message to Vinyl's location with Twilight trying to reason with him.
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
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Squidward! If you really want to know about Equestrian culture why didn't you just ask me? I could just let you borrow some books on the subject. I have at least VIII volumes on Equestrian history that could give you some good insight!
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┊$pїкё┊
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Probably because he didn't wanted to get bored to the point of losing interest.
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✙ Twilight shot Spike a glare for saying that but before she could continue Vinyl caught their attention after seeing the letter.
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┊🆅🅸🅽🆈🅻 🆂🅲🆁🅰🆃🅲🅷┊
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Woah, fan mail already? What's going on Mr...Spidwerd...PennisBalls? That's...Okay. According to the letter...He wants to know what happened to "Sweet and Elite" and why my show took over its spot? Well to answer your question PennisBalls, I got no idea. I just acquired this show because I didn't wanna bother with PonyTube. That field is just way too easy to get copyright struck for using my own music. So I just called up the local TV station Iron Will Studios and they gave me a TV show. Hope that helps.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
HOLD ON! PENNISBALLS?! I wrote S Q U I D W A R D T E N T A C L E S! HOW did that get mixed up?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊$pїкё┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
The ink probably melted slightly.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Spike's answer was casual, followed by a shrug of his shoulders which made Squidward angrily grit his teeth and made his head go red with rage only to then slowly exhale to calm himself down.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Alright, you know what? Forget it. Not even important! The important thing is that apparently this "Iron Will Studio" place is willing to give ANYONE a show! And...If that's the case...
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ A smirk formed on Squidward's face before suddenly slamming down another letter being addressed to Iron Will Studios but Twilight was already getting a bad feeling from all of this.
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Okay Squid-Cakes. Lets just take this nice and slowly. Do you even know what it takes to get a TV show or even maintain it? How to record and air yourself live?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Squidward had already finished his letter, the letter basically reading: "Dear Iron Will Studios...GIMMIE A TV SHOW! GIMMIE A TV SHOW! I WANT A SHOW!!" And with that Squidward handed the letter to Spike to send it out to them before turning to face Twilight all while gently pushing her and Spike out the hole in the wall they came it after Spike had already sent out the letter.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Oh but of course I do. I've been the star of many shows back home. All you need to do is just point a camera at yourself and say words. If it's so easy that Pinkie is able to somehow get 250,000 subscribers on her PonyTube account then I'm assured to get 1,250,000 viewers and fans if not more after just one showing. Now get out. My morning was ruined and I'm going back to bed.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ With that Squidward just walked away from the two back into his home with Spike looking at Twilight worriedly.
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┊$pїкё┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
I got a bad feeling about this Twi.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yeah, me too. But at this point? He's already made his bed. May as well let him lay in it. C'mon. Lets get you back to bed.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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The next morning, at the Krusty Barnyard Romp. Mr. Krab's Equestrian version of the Krusty Krab he established after... "the incident" basically imagine the Krusty Krab only they also sell food that would appease equines and griffins and all creatures alike that were introduced in seasons 1-2.
✙ From here we see Squidward just standing at the register with an excited look on his face, rubbing his tentacles together in anticipation while staring at the clock just above the exit/entrance door to the Krusty Barnyard Romp.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Just a few more minutes, Squiddie, and it will be your turn to bask in the lime light!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ That nasally laugh Squidward was famous for would ring out which made the first sign that Squiddy's day was gonna go badly for him would come in the form of two horses of the apocalypse. Pinkie Pie*. And SpongeBob.
(Author's Note: Pinkie Pie does indeed work at the Krusty Barnyard Romp with the OG Krusty Krab crew, she works two shifts one here and the other at the Bakery she works at in canon.)
✙ With the two being there SpongeBob was the first to speak up as he gingerly rests his elbow on the side of the register to smile at Squidward.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Ohhh, yeah! Oh, lime light basking! Baskin' in the lime light!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Pinkie Pie was about ready to burst already with excitement. Having a sixth sense for when something fun was going to happen when SpongeBob and co. were involved which had her bouncing in place eagerly in anticipation to see what Squiddy was going on about.
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Ooooh boy~! Lemon OR Lime light basking is sure to follow some good times! So Squiddy! What can we expect from today's adventure~?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
As if I'd tell either of you! Hmph!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Like a Vegeta/Shadow the Hedgehog wannabe, Squidward folded his arms and turned away from the two only to then stop when his synapses started popping off with an idea.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
(Although, I've waited my whole life to have enough glory to rub it in someone's face. Anyone's face...)
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Upon peering back to the two, Squidward would see SpongeBob and Pinkie Pie looking like poster boys having a high quality designed shot of the two smiling over at him and giving him a wink that released one half of a heart construct that left their eyes and would collide to form a whole heart towards Squidward. Making him cringe and look away sharply.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Even that face. Okay! I'll tell you, but the last thing I would want is for you to show up so plug your ears!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Thinking fast Squidward grabbed hay fries from the kitchen and plugged Pinkie Pie's ears while for SpongeBob, Squidward just used Pretty Patties* to plug SpongeBob's ears.
(Author's Note: Pretty Patties were actually successful enough in this continuity to be a main stay since it fits the Aesthetic of MLP.)
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Well, I don't want to toot my own whistle, but... Wait, no! That's exactly what I mean to do!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Squidward's words were just all treble at this point for the two. Barely able to make out anything he was saying and the only thing that could be understood was that nasally laughter he was giving off for some reason but this was all cut short as the clock struck 5:00 PM meaning it's quittin' time.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Ugh! Finally!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ In merry glee Squidward ran out the building with SpongeBob and Pinkie Pie just left staring at each other in confusion before both would remove their respective foodstuffs from their ears to finally be able to hear again.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Did you catch any of that?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Nu-uh. But I have a sneaking suspicion that he didn't want us to know.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Nah. It's just Squiddy being playful again. C'mon lets head on over to the Pineapple to feed Gary then we can head over to Mr. and Mrs. Cake's place to build that cheesecake patty I was telling you about.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ With a jovial bounce in her step Pinkie followed after SpongeBob towards his pineapple before we'd see a screen labeled "Equestrian Public Access".
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┊ᴀɴɴᴏᴜɴᴄᴇʀ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Equestrian Public Access presents: "Squidward Chat!" With your host: Squidward Tentacles.
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✙ After seeing a title card for "Squidward Chat!" which was just an image of Squidward smiling with a speech bubble of the show's segment title in it we'd see Squidward sitting at a desk in his Livingroom with a smile on his face.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Greetings. I'm Squidward Tentacles, your host of "Squidward Chat".
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Gary and Spike are then seen sitting on the floor of SpongeBob's pineapple, as the two are homies*, Gary flipping through channels on the TV remote would stop the moment they landed on Squidward chat which made Spike quickly jolt to his tiny feet in shock.
(Author's Note: This is canon)
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Today, on Squidward Chat, we'll be discussing something near and dear to my heart, under-appreciated artists like myself.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊$pїкё┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Woah-! Squidward wasn't joking Gary! He actually went and put himself on TV!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Spike's proclamation was not left unnoticed by the other ears in the house as SpongeBob and Pinkie Pie were seen blipping into the room with instant transmission to stare at the screen in shock and awe.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ/Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
SQUIDWARD'S ON TV?! SQUIDWARD! SQUIDWARD!!
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✙ The Goofy duo would then run off screen towards SpongeBob's front door which left Spike confused as he shrugged at Gary.
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┊$pїкё┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
The heck are they so hyped up about? Squidward knows he's on TV.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊₲₳ⱤɎ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Mur mow.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Uncaringly Gary just went back to watching the TV, having a good idea on what he was about to witness which made him glad he ended up popping that extra bag of popcorn before turning the TV on. On screen we'd see SpongeBob and Pinkie just run up to Squidward with Pinkie just bouncing in place from excitement to finally get that zing she was expecting prior to this.
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Squidward! You're on TV!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Yeah Squiddy~! TV~! Was this what you were hiding from us back at the Krusty Romp?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Squidward just gave an annoyed sigh while lowering his head at the idea of these two actually trying to tell him he's on TV as if he had no idea but just as Squidward was about to reply our view would jump cut over to Twilight's place. Watching TV while cooking herself up some lunch but upon seeing Pinkie Pie and SpongeBob there her face went from neutral to worried. Knowing full well on how the game was played and how it usually ends on situations like these.
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Oh no...I knew Squidward's show was gonna be a disaster but not like THIS! *sigh* I better get down there and mediate before things start getting really-
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ʂρσɳɠҽႦσႦ ʂϙυαɾҽ ραɳƚʂ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
See Patrick? So I ran to tell Squidward that he was on TV and he told me that I was on TV and now you're on TV!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Aww son of a Changling!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ As Twilight darts off we'd see on the TV screen that SpongeBob was guiding Patrick on set with Pinkie just sitting on the guest char like a human would. Having helped herself to Squidward's tea, a piping hot cup resting in her hooves.
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
I'm on TV?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Patrick would then high tail it out of the house to head over towards his rock, heaving the stone up into the air to hop inside and somehow...Turn on his TV...Made of pure sand...somehow, which would show Squidward just sitting there with his head in his tentacles. SpongeBob and Pinkie just smiling at him with Patrick just looking on in confusion.
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Huh? I'm not on TV....
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Patrick walked right back on set in a matter of seconds after that. Approaching SpongeBob with a hurt look on his face.
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
SpongeBob! Pinkie! I went home and turned on my TV, but... I wasn't on the TV. Why did you guys lie to me, SpongeBob? Why?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Pinkie just gave Patrick a very confused yet oddly neutral expression on her face. Patrick's stupidity being so legendary even PINKIE couldn't understand the depths fully. Yet. But having enough of this nonsense Squidward stood to his feet and approached the Goofy Goober Trio with an annoyed look on his face.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Patrick, just how stupid are you actually?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
It varies.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ That response, while unamusing to the cephalopod, got a good snort out of Pinkie whom covered her snout with her hooves to keep Squidward from getting angry though Squidward would just roll his eyes in annoyance.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Patrick, if you want to be on TV you have to be in front of the camera!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Which was probably Squidward's second biggest mistake of the day, he gestured his tentacle towards the camera to show Patrick where it lied to which Patrick would smile in realization.
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Ohhh. I get it!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ In a giggling fit, the pink menace ran towards the camera to wave at it.
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┊ραтяι¢к ѕтαя┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Hi, TV people! And my mouth is on TV!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ With an audible "aaaaah" from Patrick's end the screen for everyone at home was the sight of Patrick's mouth in 4K UHD 100FPS which we would then see Big Mac at the Apple Orchid home reeling back in disgust.
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┊ᗷIǤ ᗰᗩᑕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Eeeee-nope!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Thinking quickly Big Mac held up the TV remote. Ready to turn it off only to hear Applejack come trotting into the room which stopped him from turning to look over at her.
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Big Mac! Where in tarnation did ya-? Huh?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Seeing the hyper realistic deepthroat shot on screen had AJ reel back in disgust before quickly looking at Big Mac accusingly
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Now Big Mac! Granny and I told ya about going to "TheHub" in yer private times! That hockey will make ya into a degenerate! Now turn that off and help me find the apple jam jar! Unless ya already.... "Used it" did ya?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ WOAH! OKAY! A LOT to unpack with that exchange in dialogue but uhhh...Anyway Big Mac quickly booted the TV out his room with enough force to send it into orbit before quickly complying with AJ to help her find the Apple Jam Jar. Meanwhile back with the group the mediator Twilight showed up and trotted onto the set and saw Patrick deepthroating the camera to which she looked at another TV screen outside Squidward's Easter Island Head house to see that mouth on screen which made her spine tingle with disgust.
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Euuuugh! By Luna's Tiara, that's foul! WHY is Patrick deepthroating the camera?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
For popularity points!
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Pinkie if we don't get his throat off that camera I'm sure someone's going to think this is an AO channel and I doubt Squidward needs that sort of reputation.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Funny enough we'd then see Celestia in her throne room watching some TV. Finally getting a chance to relax only to flip to Squidward's chat to see Patrick still deepthroating the camera which made Celestia just give a blank wide eye'd stare at the screen. Only to then slowly look left and right without moving her head and then be seen floating up a tub of lotion and setting it on the sofa next to her only for us to immediately jump cut back to Squidward's house.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
If ANYTHING I don't need ANY of you here! You derailed my show enough! Grab Patrick and GET out of my house!!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ SpongeBob was already on the case, having yanked Patrick off the camera to finally let any poor soul watching this flaming dumpster of a channel see something that wasn't Patrick's tonsil health.*
(Author's Note: Which is canonically immaculate btw)
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Aw c'mon Squiddy! This is such a great opportunity for us to really entertain people! We have an entire section of Ponyvill watching us! We can entertain them in ways only WE can which will drive up viewer ratings and with that more profit thus equaling subscription membership costs for exclusive content they can only get from us if we charge them ridiculously overpriced rates!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ That idea was enough to get Twilight's mental gears churning as to how to fully capitalize on such a show but Squidward wasn't having any of it. He just pointed at Pinkie and started yelling again.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
No! That's a TERRIBLE idea! Now get out!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ But of course if problems were that easy to resolve we wouldn't be here now would we? Nah our screen would then shift over to Mr. Krabs whom was just lazily sitting on his recliner only stopped by seeing Squidward having his own show somehow.
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┊₼₹. ₭₹₳฿$┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Squidward has his own TV show?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
*Sigh* If I can get back to the main subject of my show pretty please? I'd like to-!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Squidward was immediately cut off by Krabs somehow speed blitzing over to Squidward's place with an "Eat at the Krusty Barnyard Romp" sign on his torso.
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┊₼₹. ₭₹₳฿$┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Eat at the Krusty Krab, home of the original Krabby Patty! [Squidward gets up] And remember, we change our grease monthly!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊Ⓟⓘⓝⓚⓘⓔ Ⓟⓘⓔ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Hey!! If he can advertise the Krusty Romp for free on this show then you can bet your candy apples I'm gonna simp for team Cake on THIS show!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Following Mr. Krabs' example Pinkie quickly put on a "Eat at the Cake's Bakery" sign over her torso to stand on her hindlegs while glaring down Mr. Krabs to which both business savy individuals would start slowly circling around each other which quickly got Twilight's mediator instincts to kick in.
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┊ȶաɨʟɨɢɦȶ ֆքǟʀӄʟɛ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Hey hey now! Guys? Lets just touch hooves and mate attracting claws together in a nice friendly manner!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Sadly the chaos was only gonna grow with Derpy Hooves being seen fluttering at her TV awkwardly to see that both "Eat At" signs were on screen which got her pretty hyped up, hyped up enough to accidentally slam into a wall due to natural clumsiness.
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┊ĐɆⱤ₱Ɏ ⱧØØVɆ₴┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
THERE'S A COLLAB GOIN' ON AT SQUIDWARD'S HOUSE?! I can get dinner AND lunch at the same time! Maybe even... "Linner"! I'm so on my way!
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✙ With Derpy speeding her way down from Cloudsdale to Ponyville we'd see Sandy approach her TV to see Pinkie and Krabs about ready to throw down which got her all excited as she held up her Karate glove.
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┊𝒮𝒶𝓃𝒹𝓎 𝒞𝒽𝑒𝑒𝓀𝓈┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Sheeeyoot! That's a good lookin' dojo if I ever seen one!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ In yet another few seconds Sandy arrived at the same time Derpy did on set which had Squidward reeling back from Sandy karate chopping Krabs in the back to get him to lay on the ground.
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┊𝒮𝒶𝓃𝒹𝓎 𝒞𝒽𝑒𝑒𝓀𝓈┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Alright! Rack em' up! I'll show y'all how we REALLY do things down in Texas!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊ĐɆⱤ₱Ɏ ⱧØØVɆ₴┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Uhhh….Where do I place my order?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Squidward on the other hand was just looking on in horror having a REALLY good idea on what was going on.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Nooo! My show!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Twilight was about to give some words of encouragement but first we need MOAR CHARACTERS! SEND IN MORE! And send in more we shall. All the way in the Changeling kingdom (yes they have TV signal don't question it) Chrysalis was seen approaching the screen seeing Sandy basically beating the snot out of Krabs with SpongeBob jumping in with some sweet Karate moves of his own only for the two to start wavedashing for some good Nicktoons All-Star Brawl action.
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┊ǫᴜᴇᴇɴ ᴄʜʀʏsᴀʟɪs┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Those idiots have their own show? Hmmm...A show would be the brilliant focal point for me to capture the hearts and minds of everyone across the land~ This will be my best chance! Children! Mommy's head out for a moment! Don't get carried away and keep the place clean while I'm gone!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ We ain't done yet! Next on this world tour we'd see Plankton himself with Karen, after "the incident" Plankton and Karen were actually living it up in Canterlot thanks to his inventions revolutionizing Equestrian technology the little bite sized mite found himself success in this world by building rather than chasing after Krabs. That's right, mod believes in Character Development supremacy! (Maybe you should do the same Nick. =_=) Regardless Plankton, upon seeing the TV screen noticed everyone just going wild on screen. Pinkie and Sandy were tag teaming Krabs, Derpy was setting up an order with SpongeBob (guess their Nicktoons Smash round ended already?) with Squidward just laying his head on the desk and Patrick just blasting music to set the mood.
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┊ₚₗₐₙₖₜₒₙ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Oh please. I can cause far more collateral damage than that...Karen! Where did you put my death ray?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ With our focus now back on the stage of the TV set we'd see Chrysalis though she was in disguise as Fleur De Lis herself to capture the hearts and minds of the viewers watching with Plankton just riding around on her back.
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┊ₚₗₐₙₖₜₒₙ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Heheheheheheheheh...Prepare for some TRUE destruction!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊"ғʟᴇᴜʀ ᴅᴇ ʟɪs"┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Just don't take too much attention away from me, mite. My beauty must capture the eyes of the many if I'm going to collect as much love as possible.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Plankton would visibly wretch at the mention of "love" as he looked at Chrysalis.
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┊ₚₗₐₙₖₜₒₙ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
What Neanderthal relies on love to get things done? It's highly unreliable.
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Before things would get political however Applejack would be seen bursting through the wall with Big Mac at her side with an unamused look on her face.
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Is this the channel getting Big Mac back into his bad ha-
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Applejack then took notice of "Fleur De Lis"s presence which quickly got her looking at Big Mac which made the big guy nervously look at Applejack, the poor guy just wasn't having a good day overall.
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┊ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇᴊᴀᴄᴋ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Who's in charge here?! And why in the hayseed are ya'll at a "Hub" set?! I thought y'all were better than that!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Everyone just looked at each other in confusion from Applejack's misunderstanding before they looked back at her to speak in unison.
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┊ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
"Hub set"? What's that?
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Before admin would earn himself a lynching from his reader-base with all this adult humor Squidward would stand to his tentacles with a beyond pissed off look on his face.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
That's it! Everyone, out! What do you think this is, huh? Some kind of housewarming?!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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✙ Very poor choice of words as we'd then see Bulk Biceps poke his head in with Larry the Lobster at his side. Both having just gotten back from the beach for weight lifting.
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┊𝘓𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Did somebody say house warming~?! That's awesome!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊𝔹𝕦𝕝𝕜 𝔹𝕚𝕔𝕖𝕡𝕥𝕤┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
YEEEE-UHHH!!
•╚════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╝•
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┊𝘓𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘰𝘣𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘳┊
•╔════ஜ۩۞۩ஜ════╗•
Hey everypony! It's a house warming!!
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✙ With Squidward's final mistake cemented people started flooding into his place left, right, and center which effectively destroyed his show's original focus of being a talk show for the unappreciated artists into a "Summer Home Girls Gone Wild" type show with everyone just going ham on set. Squidward on the other hand was just screaming in rage at this point as he started looking around at everyone.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Get off my set! This is not working!
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✙ Though of course just to dunk on Squidward just a bit more we'd see Iron Will emerge from his Iron Will Studios truck and approach the set with a smirk on his face.
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┊I̲r̲o̲n̲ ̲W̲i̲l̲l̲┊
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Actually, Iron Will begs to differ. Iron Will believes the show is doing just fine. At least according to our latest ratings.
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✙ Iron Will then pulls out a gem bag but once the camera zooms out its actually a small pouch housing a single purple gem.
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┊I̲r̲o̲n̲ ̲W̲i̲l̲l̲┊
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This is actually a lot by public access standards. Everyone is working out except for you...you...and you!
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✙ The three people Iron Will picked out from the crowd ended up being Derpy, Don the Whale, and Squidward himself which made Squidward jolt in shock.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Me?!
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✙ The very next scene showed Squidward, Don, and Derpy getting the boot off the set to which we'd jump cut to later that very night with Squidward just relaxing on his bed with a very tired and stressed look on his face.
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┊ᴀɴɴᴏᴜɴᴄᴇʀ┊
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And now, Equestria's top public access show for the last 20 weeks: "Squidward's House Party!" With your host, Vinyl Scratch!
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✙ The screen would then show Vinyl herself on a MASSIVE stage with her turn table of now a higher quality with LED rainbow lights on her turntables. A smug smile adorning her face.
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┊🆅🅸🅽🆈🅻 🆂🅲🆁🅰🆃🅲🅷┊
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Hey, hey, hey, Equestria~! Are you ready to party Squidward style~?
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✙ As the crowd exploded in rapturous cheers Squidward was seen gritting his teeth as this was NOT Squidward style. This was about as opposite of Squidward style as possible!
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┊🆅🅸🅽🆈🅻 🆂🅲🆁🅰🆃🅲🅷┊
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Thank you for making us number one because I was finally able to get...mah brand new BASS BLASTER SYSTEM 9000~! Thanks Squidcakes~! Lets PARTY~!
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✙ From there Vinyl would start scratching her records to blast some fire music. The scene zooms out to show Sandy line-dancing, SpongeBob playing the keyboard, Patrick playing the drums and Applejack and Big Mac joining in with Sandy's line-dancing, Chrysalis just standing around thotting herself up for the camera to collect simp energy, Mr. Krabs and Pinkie Pie swinging on a rope holding the their "Eat At" signs as Plankton is pressing buttons, which fire lasers. Squidward was just completely flabbergasted at the show but would angrily get up and start stomping on the floor of his bedroom while angrily glaring down at the scene taking place in his living room.
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┊ѕqυι∂ωαя∂ тєитα¢ℓєѕ┊
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Keep it down! I'm trying to sleep!
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✙ Squidward screams in despair as the camera pans down on Vinyl just rocking those funky fresh beats as rocks start falling from the ceiling. People continue to party around Squidward's house until it fades to black, ending the episode.
• ――― ·• ʚ「𝓟𝓸𝓷𝔂-𝓥𝓲𝓼𝓲𝓸𝓷」ɞ ·•
