Son, what's a conversion bureau?

by aegishailstorm

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Thriller, Original Character, Comedy, Profanity, Violence, Princess Celestia
Length: 7639

Father finds out about Equestria, He isn't happy...

2 years ago, Equestria appeared in the pacific ocean, Then came the thumetic radiation storms, Then the conversion bureau's, Then the potion bombings. However, when a certain immortal crusader and his incompetent son find out about this all, They go with their usual course of action when discovering anything new...

A Bread boys parody.

Published 2021-11-08 02:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-13 17:52:40 UTC

Father? We have new neighboors

Father walked home in the dark, alone. As he walked up to the front door, He swore he could hear what sounded like...laughter?

"NOT IN MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!!"He raised his leg and kicked the door off its hinges, he pulled out his shotgun and barged into his house, ready to execute his son for his heretical behavior. He dropped the bread basket at the door way, and barged into the front room.

"Hey there dad, I'm just reading." He held up a copy of King Author and the Knights of The Round Table.

"Oh, Good. GO TO SLEEP! ITS 10:30 FOR GODS SAKE!!!Oh, by the way, I bought some more bread, don't eat it all this time!"

"Dad, I'm 722 years old! I think I can decide when to go to bed." He turned back to see Father gone. He just got back to reading.

Serval hours later...

Son was almost finished when the book, and he got of the couch to go treat himself to some of that bread the Father had just bought. He turned to see distinct figure of fathers helmet peering out from behind the curtains, eyes glowing into the moonlight.

"Father, what are you doing back there?"

"GO TO SLEEP!" He shouted back.

"Alright, fine, gosh." Son walked upstairs to his room, and fell unconscious on the bed. All the while father kept standing there, waiting for his son to come back out.

The next day...

Son got up off his bed, and walked downstairs to find father with his templar kitchen apron on, a baguette and a sack of flour in hand.

"MONIN SON, HOW'D YOU SLEEP!? I've been experimenting with this new thing called, 'Flour bread', see?!" He held out a piece of toast, covered with a fine dusting of flour.

"I slept...ok-"

"Great! Sit down and eat!" The 2 of them took their seats at their dining table and began to devour their so called 'Flour toast.' When they were just about finished, Son heard a beeping noise coming from outside, and Father noticed it as well.

"Son, what's that sound?"

"I don't know, let's go find out." the 2 of them peered outside and looked next door to see a moving van next door. Its back door was open.

"Looks' like we've got new neighbors!" The 2 of them kept watching though the window. What they saw next angered both of them. A green unicorn, a Grey Pegasus, and a White Pegasus hopped out of the truck, and began to unload the back. Father looked back at Son with burning hatred.

"Son, why are the colorful horses moving in next door!?"

"They're not called horses, they're called ponies."

"What!?"

"Ponies, like you know, miniature horses?"

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE CALLED!?"

"Because of the news? You watched it with me last night remember?"

"GRRRRR!" Father smacked son in the arm with the butt of his shotgun. He turned back to look at the ponies unloading their things.

"What should we do?" Asked Son.

"WHY, LETS GO OVER AND MEET THEM, THEY CAN'T BE THAT BAD RIGHT!?"

"Then why are your eyes glowing red again?"

"Uhh... Don't know!"

"Uh, If you say so..." The two of them walked across the street to meet their new Equine neighbors.

"Uh, Daddy, those humans are walking over to us."

Well, I'm sure they just want to welcome us to the neighborhood!" The 2 pegasi dropped what they were doing and hurried down to meet them. The grey pegasus approached Father.

"HELLO THERE, WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBOORHOOD!" Father shouted at the Newfoal.

"Why hello there, you're a loud one aren't you? My names Onyx, that over there's my daughter, Cloud Sweeper, and that back there's my wife, Ivory." The 2 of them stopped and waved at Father and Son.

"PLESURE TO MEET YOU, I'M FATHER, AND THIS HERE IS SON!"

"There's no need to yell like that, I can here you plenty with these ears of mine." Onyx chuckled. Father growled back at him. And turned back to see Son looking at the White one with dreamy eyes, who in turn was blushing. He Grabbed Son by the neck.

"WE ARE LEAVING!" He roundhouse kicked Onyx in the muzzle, and carried son back across the street, dumping him on the hardwood floor.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WHERE YOU DOING BACK THERE!?!?!?!?"

"Uhh, I was just going to ask her out on a date. Wait, FATHER WHAT are you Doi-!" Fathers eyes began to glow red. He unholstered his shotgun, and blew Son's head clean off.

"Heretic!" He walked back over to his bread, and kept eating. All the while, Onyx had been watching the whole thing from the cold sidewalk of his front porch, Muzzle bleeding.

"Cloud."

"Yes father?"

"I want you to help them."

"Ok!" She sped off towards her new bedroom.

Several more hours later...

"Owww... what happened?" Son came down from his bedroom, clutching his still aching head. One of the perks of having an immortal family, you can kill each other as many times as you want, and no one will ever care!

"I see your up, the rest of your food's waiting for you on your table, I have to go downstairs and... train...and do research!" He picked up his great sword and walked downstairs to the basement, locking the door behind him. Son sat back down at his spot at the table, and finished consuming his loaf of bread. Just then, He heard a knock at the door, and father came running back up from the basement like an angry Pitbull. If Pitbull's could operate firearms, that is.

"Son, open the door!" He did, and found Onyx and Cloud sweeper standing there.

"Hello there, just wanted to say I forgive you for hitting me earlier. My daughter was wondering if she could have your Son over?" Father thought back to the other times, He had "caught" Son with other girls.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT HIM FOR!?"

"Oh, Nothing much, I just- Heard he's into books, I've got a collection of them that I got when we went on vacation to Equestria, I was thinking he might enjoy them."

"Hmmm, Son, get down here!"

"I'm right here dad, I heard the whole thing." Father ponied at the white and yellow mare.

"SHE WANTS TO SHOW YOU SOME OF THEIR BOOKS! Nothing heretical right?" The 2 pegasi looked at the Bread boys with confusion, and nodded.

"ALRIGHT THEN, BE BACK IN ONE HOUR!!!!"Son walked outside with the two pegasi and and entered into their house.

"YA KNOW, I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING I'M GOING TO NEED TO GO SHOPPING FOR MORE BULLETS AFTER THIS!!"

He watched the two pegasi as they led Son into their new house.

Exactly 1 hour and .00001 seconds later...

"WHERE'S SON!?!? HE SAID HE'D BE BACK BY NOW!!!"He jumped of of the couch, and stormed across the street.

"HEY! NEW HORSE-PONY PEOPLE, WHERE'S MY SON!?!?!?!" He didn't get any response. "THEY MUST HAVE TIED HIM UP!"

He rushed over to the side yard fence gate, pulling out his sword, he cleaved the lock in half, and rushed into their backyard.

"What the hay are you doing in our backyard?!" Onyx came running outside. He gazed up at the angry figure of father, greatsword in one hand, and deagle in the other.

"WHERE'S MY SON YOU PIECE OF HORSESHIT?!?!??!!?"The Pegasus began nervously sweating.

"Please, there's no need for that kind of language, I just sent him back over to you house, I even sent him home with some bread loafs which we got from Equestria a while back, you said your into that kind of thing, right!?"Father looked at him sternly.

"Alright... have a nice evening!" Father began to slowly walk away.

"You too sir!" Just then Father stopped, and without warning charged the pegasus, jumping clean over him, he clamped on to the side of the house, and scaled it like a spider. He jumped up onto window sill on the second floor, and kicked in the glass. Inside he saw that...what was her name again... Cloud jumper....no that's not right, ah yes, Cloud Sweeper, and next to her was a dark red pegasus, flexing his wings, wearing Son's helmet. an empty bottle lie at the bottom of the bed nearby, bits of sparkling purple liquid dripped out of it.

"AHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!" Both of the pegasi turned to look at Father.

"Oh,-" Father raised his .50 Cal desert eagle, and mag dumped all 7 rounds into the red pegasus's head, splattering blood all over the room. Cloud Sweeper just sat there on her hunches, witnessing the whole thing. She fainted right there. Father slammed a fresh magazine into his pistol and approached the pegasus.

"No, Please! Don't we only wanted to help your son, She just wanted him to be happy!" Onyx and Ivory came storming into the room. Onyx looked at the dead pegasus on the ground, then back at Father. Ivory reached into her saddlebags, and pulled out a vial of the same weird purple liquid. She tossed it at Father. But to her surprise, it merely bounced off his helmet.
Father's eyes began to glow a deep red, he took aim at Ivory with his pistol, and fired a round at her. He found himself being grabbed by Onyx, Desperate to save his family, he grabbed Father by his chainmail coat, and took off into the sky.

"YOU FUCKING HERITIC, LET ME GO!!!"

"No, Celestia told us to treat others with kindness, but you've pushed me to fa-" Onyx was cut off when a Shotgun slug flew through his head. Sending both him and Father tumbling out of the sky. Father landed on Onyx, or rather, what was left of him. Standing at their front porch was Son, clutching the family's "Backup" Shotgun. "You're welcome!" He shouted at Father, who growled back at him. "We never speak of this again, UNDERSTAND!?!?!?!?"

"Yes Father, sorry about the whole... Pony thing."

"First thing in the morning-you know what, right now, We're going to this "California" to fix this problem for ourselves!!!!"

He slammed son's head into the wall, knocking him out cold. and charged back into the other house, Intent on..."Putting down" The other 2 which he had left alive.

"I'm BACK!!!!!"

Next time on Bread Boys...

"SON PACK YOUR THINGS, WE'RE GOING TO RENO!"

Son, time for another crusade

"GIVE ME BACK THAT SHOTGUN!"

"Father, this is the backup shotgun, you still have yours."

"I KNOW, YOU HAVEN'T EARNED IT YET!" He yanked the spare shotgun out of Son's hand.

"But, I just saved you!"Father didn't answer back.

The two of them walked back inside and slammed their still broken door behind them.

"Father, There's a problem."

"WHAT!?"

"You don't know where California is."

"Well of course I do!" He walked over to their front room, and pulled out their world map.

"THERE IT IS!" He pointed at Israel.

"Alright, first, that map is about 300 years out of date, second, that's Israel. California is... well, here." He pulled out his phone and pulled up Google Earth.

"Its right here, see?" Father squinted at the screen.

"What is this!?"

"It's uhh... Google Earth. I've told you about it before, remember?"

"Ohhhh..., that's that web browser thing of yours, right?" Son looked back at Father with confusion and threw his arms in the air.

"No, it-You know what? Lets go to bed, We'll continue this tomorrow."

"NOT A CHANCE! JUSTICE NEVER SLEEPS, FIND US A WAY TO GET TO THIS "CALIFORNIA" Its time for another crusade!" Father ran down to the basement to grab more ammunition for his shotgun. All the while Son just slumped down on the couch and fell back asleep.

Serval hours later...

After searching around their basement, Father, had finally finished finding the spare shotgun shells, under a stack of comic books no less. He stormed back upstairs to find Son asleep as usual.

"WAKE UP!" He hit Son's head with the butt of his shotgun.

"Alright, alright, I'm up!"

"Pack your things We're going to Reno!"

"Wa? How do you know where Reno is?"

"Used that Google earth thing you mentioned earlier!"

"Father, That was 6 hours ago."

"OH REALLY SLEEPING ON JUSTICE ARE YOU NOW!?!?!?!?GRAB YOUR SWORD, WE ARE LEAVING!"

"I'm hungry."

"Well... here you go!" Father ran over to the fridge, pulled out a slice of bread, and tossed it to Son.

"EAT IN THE CAR!"

"Yes Father." Son grabbed his sword and car keys, and the 2 of them stormed out of the house towards the car, ready to "Save the world" But before they had gotten to the car, a Black SUV pulled up to the house and 2 men stepped out of it.

"Hello, we're with the human liberation front, we're here in search of some PER operatives, have you seen them?" Father and Son looked across the street at the now abandoned house, of their Former equine neighbors, and shrugged.

"Nahhh..."The HLF Agent looked over at their weapons.

"You're sure packing a lot of firepower there, where you heading?"

"Where going to Cali-" Father put his hand over Son's helmet.

"We're going on a CRUSADE!!"HE lifted his sword up. The HLF Agents Continued looking on in humor and sarcasm.

"Well...where to?" One of them asked, still snickering.

"MINI HORSES!!!" Father shouted out.

"Ahh... Hey, The HLF'S always looking for new recruits, what do you say?"

"Wait, Father, isn't the HLF those Genocidal psychopaths' ?"

"I DONT REMEMBER A DAMN THING, ARE YOU SURE SON!?"One of the HLF Agents began nervously sweating, and he wasn't quite sure why.

"What do you mean by genocidal Psychopaths', we're trying to save humanity!"

"Hmmm, They're lying father."

"ONE THING I HATE MORE THAN ANIME IS LYING!" He right hooked one of the agents with his fist.

"Son, start the DAMN car!!!"the other HLF agent drew his sidearm. Of course, Father wasn't going to have any of this nonsense, he whipped his shotgun around and shot him in the side. He looked over at the car to see the 3rd agent calling for backup.

"Lets go!" Son shouted at him. Father turned around and got into the side seat.

"UH, SON, WHERE ARE WE GOING!?"

"The airport!"

"The what now!?" Father continued yelling at Son as they drove away.

"Hello, This is unit 14, we have agents down, request immediate backup!" All the while the Bread boys continued driving towards the airport.

About 30 minutes later...

Son, Why are you turning off the freeway? The sign says the airports that way!"

"Father, That's the international airport, we can't just walk in there like this!"

"Don't care, turn back around!"

another 15 minutes later...

Their black Toyota pulled up in front of the main entryway, and they jumped out and made a mad dash through the doors, setting of the metal detectors in the processes.

"Hey, stop!" They spoted a security guard running towards them. But rather than surrendering like sane people would, they turned and ran for the nearest terminal.

"Son, which one!?"

"Uh, Look for one labeled California!"They turned over to find a stewardess running past them.

"Hey, you! Person, Where's the flight to California?" She looked at the 2 Armored and armed crusader's in terror.

"Uh, there are none. Since the barrier made landfall, all flights into the state have been canceled, please don't hurt me!"

"Where's the closest one?!"Asked Son.

"Uh, There's one to Reno 2 terminal's down."

"THANK YOU!!!" Father pushed her out of the way, and the 2 of them ran for the terminal.

"HEY! HOLD THE FUCKIN PLANE!!!!"Father and Son ran right past the security guards. and onto the plane. They barged into the passenger cabin. Much to the surprise of the 70 civilians, and the pilots onboard.

"WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING STARING!? START FLYING!" Seeing as the pilot was in no mood to argue with them, he did as he was told. Father and Son walked back to one of the seats and sat down

"Sir, might I ask why you just took us hostage?" One of the waiters asked.

"You're not hostages! For Gods sake, we're just trying to get to California!"

"Why would you want to go there? the barriers in the middle of consuming it, if you go there, you'll die." Son looked back at Father.

"I don't think that… dying applies to him." He answered briefly.
"Oh..." A message came over the intercom telling the passengers to buckle up.

"Father, I think you should listen to them."

"WHY!?"

"Uhhh-"Son was cut off when the plane took off, throwing him to the cabin floor. "Owww." Father Glared at Son. "STOP COMPLAINING!!!" The plane began to ascend until it reached cruising altitude.

Several more hours later...

Father was staring out the window like a little kid, after all, last time he had flown in an airplane was when he moved to America, 90 years ago. When he spotted a flock of pegasi outside the window.

"Mommy look!" One of the little kids in the row in front of him was waving at the pegasi, who spotted him and waved back.

"GRRRRR, Unacceptable!" Father raised his shotgun to the window and was about to pull the trigger when Son stopped him.

"Father, We kinda of need that window."

"FINE!" He Got out of his seat and began walking down the isle towards the exit.

"Father, what are you doing?"

"You said we needed the window, SO I'M GOING OUTSIDE!!!" The passengers looked at him and burst into fits of laughter.

"You guys' better hold onto your seats!" Son shouted at the other passengers.

"Sir, we're 3 miles up, you can't be serious!" Father looked at the stewardess with disappointment and anger. He turned and pulled open the door of the airplane. And began to shimmy his way towards the wing of the plane. One of the pegasi noticed him, and flew down to ask what was wrong.

"Sir, What are you doing!? You're 3 miles up in the air!" Father climbed up onto the wing of the plane, steadied himself, and drew his shotgun.

"Wa-How are you doing that!?" The pegasus looked on with amazement, and the others flew over to join him. Fathers eyes began to glow red again. He let out a terrifying battlecry that they could hear even over the roar of the jet engines. He took aim at the pegasi, and open fire. Knocking the first one out of the sky. The others darted out of the way.

"I don't think this is a normal human!" One of them shouted in terror. Father racked his shotgun back again, and finished off the other 4 pegasi. He turned back, and climbed back into the airplane, shutting the door behind him. He turned to see that all 70 of the passengers were staring at him, dumbfounded.

"WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT ME FOR!?"

"Uh, sir, that was incredible, how did you do that?" Asked a middle age women next to him .He walked right past her and sat back down.

"Why did you kill those pegasi?" A few of them asked as he was walking back to his seat."Are you with the HLF?"

"HERESY!!!!"He snapped at them. Slumping back in his seat. they all colectively agreed not to ask the superpowered maniac any more questions.

A few more hours later....

"SON, WAKE UP, WE'RE HERE!!!" He slapped Son on his helmet.

"Wa? Oh...." HE got out of his seat and walked down the isle, following Father. The 2 of them didn't even wait for the stairs to unfold. They just jumped.

"HAVE A NICE DAY!!!" Father shouted back at the still bewildered passengers, and the pilots. The 2 of them ran as fast a they could onto the edge of the airfield, until they came to a barbed wire fence. Son, Drew his sword, and tore through it like a french baguette.

"GOOD WORK SON!!!!NOW, WHICH WAY!?" Son looked west, and spotted a massive shimmering purple dome.

"Uh, that way, I suppose?"

"WELL LETS GO!!!!"The 2 of them took off towards the Nevada-California line. They kept running, hopping over fences, running through traffic lights, and completely disregarding the safety of the remaining humans. They noticed almost as soon as they had left the airport that the majority of beings living there weren't even human. About 90 percent of them where ponies. Of course, father was not in the slightest happy about this. He raised his shotgun at one of them, but Son stopped him.

"Uh, Father, you should save your bullets' for the main event." He gestured to the enormous barrier of magic in the distance.

"GOOD IDEA!!" He drew his sword and shield, and changed into a nearby casino.

"RAHHHH!!" He kicked in the door, stabbed the security guard nearest to him, And charged onto the game floor.
"Wait, are these cards!? You’re gambling!? You’re blowing your money on this!? That’s heresy!" He began killing left and right, human and pony. Just them, he over heard a group of people talking about going somewhere called "A Conversion Bureau."

"HMMMM, WHERE HAVE I HEARD THAT BEFORE!?" His memory clicked back to when son had first told him about this all.

"THATS WHERE THEY MAKE THEM!!" He stopped stabbing and slashing for a moment, and ran over to the group, grabbing the first one by the shirt collar.

"WHERES THIS CONVERSION BUREAU YOU SPEAK OF!?!?!?!?"

"Uh-It's just down the road, about a mile from here, please don't kill me!" Father dropped him, and charged back out of the casino as fast as he could. He bumped into Son on the way out.

"There you are! Lets get out of here!"

"Son, I found out where the conversion bureau is!"

"Well, Lets go!" The 2 of them ran out of the casino. And towards where the delinquent had said the bureau was. as they ran down the street, Son spotted a group of pegasi flying high above them, wearing saddlebags. they looked around to see a group of humans running down the street in terror.

"Why are they running!?"The 2 of them looked down the road to see a cloud of purple mist expanding across the street. Any human that breathed it in fell to the ground and began to change into a pony.

"Father, what do we do!?" Father raised his shotgun, and took aim at the saddlebag wearing pegasi in the sky, and pulled the trigger.

"DAMNIT, THEY'RE OUT OF RANGE!!!" He looked to see Son running away.

"GET BACK HERE!!!"

"No thanks, I've delt with this stuff before, I don't want to get turned into one of them again!"

"AH, you'll be fine!" He grabbed Son, and walked straight into the purple mist.

"HMMM, SMELLS LIKE GRAPE, I HATE GRAPES!!!" When he made it to the other side, he looked over at Son, instead he found a very confused looking dark red pegasus. He rasied his sword and sliced its head clean off. 2 minutes later Son came walking out from behind a nearby building, clutching his head in pain.

"I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!!!"

"AHH, You're fine! That Conversion place is only a few blocks from here!"

"Wait, what about them?" Son pointed back to the the assortment of confused newfoals stumbling around in the street behind them. Father put is shotgun away and "Took care of them" So to speak with his broadsword. They continued running down the road, until they finally arrived at the conversion bureau. Father walked in through the front doors, and stepped into the lobby. The 2 of them looked around to see an assortment of humans and ponies alike, some standing, and some seated. Father eyes began to glow red again. He slowly walked over to the the front desk.

"Hello there! Welcome to the Reno bureau! We're more than happy to tak-"The White unicorn mare looked up at the ominous figure of Father, shotgun in hand.

"YOU HERITICAL ABOMINATION!!!!!"He grabbed her by the mane, put his shotgun to her head, and pulled the trigger. Then turned and smashed through the doors leading deeper into the building, Son on his tail. What followed next could could only be described as a massacre. Security guards from all over the facility rushed to meet Father, only to be gunned down, stabbed, or both. He grabbed a shotgun from one of the dead guards, and tossed it to Son.

"Really, You're letting me have my own?"

"YES, NOW HELP!!!"The 2 of them charged on the the second floor, and burst into one of the ponification serum storage rooms rooms. He drew his 40mm grenade launcher, and fired a round into it. He turned and charged back down the hallway, Son covering his rear.
Finally they made it to the last room.

"Son, care to do the honors?"

"Yes!!!"He kicked in the steel reinforced door, and stormed in. They found a group of ponies and partially converted humans hiding in the back.

"P-Please don't kill us!" They were practically crying at this point.

"Uh, Father, some of them are kids, what do we do?" Father groaned.

"Fine, I suppose you can go. BUT SWEAR TO ME RIGHT NOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER, EVER, TRY AND HURT ANY OTHER HUMANS IN ANY WAY, EVER, AND THAT INCLUDES TURNING THEM INTO MORE OF YOUR OWN!!!!!"They fearfully nodded at him and scurried out of the room.

"Now, which way to California!?" Father kicked open the window, and threw son out of it, he followed.

Next time on Bread boys...

"Father, why am I on fire?"

Son, what are the "Elements of harmony"?

Son hit the ground with a groan, Father landed on his feet.

"C ‘mon!" He grabbed Son by the shirt collar and pulled him up. They turned and charged off towards the California border, after about 20 minutes of running, they made it to the freeway, which they found empty.

"Dad, I'm tired!"

"NO YOU'RE NOT, KEEP WALKING THAT HERESY ISIN'T GOING TO GO AWAY ON ITS OWN!!!"

"Ugh, Fine!" He dragged himself behind Father. They continued walking through the desert towards the Sierra Nevada mountain range.

About 20ish minutes later...

They had just entered the mountains and gazed up at the barrier. Even for them, it was pretty impressive.

"Dad, please tell me we're not going in there!" Father shifted his gaze back at Son with disappointment. He turned back and continued walking forward. Just then, they heard a voice call out from above them.

"Hey there humans!I couldn't hep but notice you were headed towards Equestria!"Father looked up at the pegasus and flipped it off.

"Have some of this before you had on in!" The pegasus tossed down a vial of ponification serum. Father caught it in his hands, took one look at it, and crushed it.

"Are you sure about that? Humans and magic don't exactly mix we-" Father took aim with his shotgun and pulled the trigger. Unfortunately, the pegasus flew out of the way and headed straight for the barrier, and safety, or so he thought.

"After him!!!" Father and Son chased the pegasus for about half a mile, and Son began to notice something strange.

"Father, I feel strange..."

"It's probably those peanut things you ate earlier!" The pegasus stopped just at the edge of the barrier.

"Have fun melting!" The pegasus shouted in a disturbingly happy tone, before turning and diving into the barrier, Father and Son stopped at its base.

"Well now what do we do!?" Son cried out.

"FOLLOW HIM!!!"

"But-"

NO BUTS!!!" Father grabbed Son, and shoved his hand into the barrier.

"OWWWW!!!" Son pulled his charred hand away.

"HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU HOW!!!", Father stepped forward into the barrier, his foot made a crackling noise, he just shrugged and walked through it. Son could hear a distant "AHHHHHH!!!" Coming from Father.

Meanwhile on the other side of the barrier...

Father stepped out onto the green grass on the other side, and looked around. "Smells like Barbeque!" He looked down to see that he was smoldering.

"Ohh..." He looked back to see Son emerging from the other side. On fire.

"AHAHAHAHAHHA!!!HELP!!!" Son dropped to the ground and began to frantically roll around.

"GET UP!" Father grabbed Son and pulled him off the ground still smoldering. they both turned to look at the beautiful scene in front of them.

An enormous lush meadow sat sprawled out in front of them, and beyond that a forest.

"You got to give it to them, this is pretty nice." Father looked back over at Son and backhanded him over the helmet.

"What was that for!?"

"YOU'RE RIGHT, IT IS BEAUTIFUL!!!LETS BURN IT!!!" Just then that same pegasus that had taunted them earlier came flying over. He stopped in mid flight, and stared at the smoking forms of Father and Son, dumbfounded.

"B-But how!? Celestia told us that humans couldn't survive here!" Without saying another word, Father raised his shotgun to the sky, took aim, and pulled the trigger. This time, the pegasus wasn't quite fast enough. Father scoffed at it, and the 2 of them continued walking towards... Where again?

Father and Son sped through the forest, clambering over boulders and jumping over tree logs, crossing meadows and rivers until finally, at last, Mount Caterhorn came into sight.

"Uh, Father? You see that mountain in the distance?"

"YES!?What about it?"

"Well, when those ponies turned me into one of them, I had visions of that place... I think it's their capital."

"Well then... CHARGE!!!"The 2 of them sprinted off toward the base of the mountain. They eventually made it to the base of the mountain.

"Father, How do we get up there?" They looked over to see a road leading up to the top.

"Ohhh..."Father saw it as well.

"HELL NO, WE'RE CLIMBING!!!" All of this commotion did not go unnoticed. Drawing a crowd of newfoals, equestrian natives, and Royal Guard.

"HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN-" The Guards looked on at the 2 crusaders' with confusion.

"BUT-" They where cut off when father drew his sword and charged at them. Hacking the 2 dozen unfortunate ponies to pieces within the span of 50 seconds. Father dusted his hands off.

"WELL, LETS GO!!!"Father grabbed hold onto the cliff face, and began to scale it. Son tried to follow as best as he could.

GRAHHHH!!! WERE ARE YOU SONS OF-" Father clawed his way over the edge of the cliff face. To find no guards whatsoever.

"Huh, Those coward must've run off! Get up here son!" Son pulled himself up, and the 2 of them charged into the city.

Meanwhile in the Royal castle.

Princess Celestia had had a long day, dealing with newfoal delegates and mulling over the kingdoms problems, she was about ready to rest when a guardspony ran through the door.

"Your Majesty, There's 2 humans outside the city walls, and they have weapons! What do we do?" Celestia's eyes widened.

"Wait, did you say humans?"

"Yes. Right outside the city. "

"Gather the Guard, see what they want, and ask them how they're still alive."

"Yes ma'am!" The pony gave a quick solute, and ran off.

"Uh, Father, those ponies are walking toward us. What do we do?" Father growled at them, but let them approach.

"Greetings, human, Celestia would like to see you." Father let the pony approach, until they where practically eye to eye.

"Sir, Did you hear me-" The pony looked down at his chest to find a blade protruding from it. Fathers eyes flashed red, and he let out a roar of anger and blindly charged the army of ponies. Father crashed through the gates of Canterlot and began randomly killing ponies left and right, So much so that Son was able to leisurely stroll into the city behind him encountering almost no resistance whatsoever. All the while Celestia and Luna were watching from a balcony high above the city, witnessing the horror as Father mercilessly tore his way across Canterlot. She spotted one of her lieutenants flying towards her. Face dripped with blood and sweat.

"Your Majesty, They're tearing our forces to pieces! What do we do!?!?! We tried everything, magic, crossbows, swords, even conversion serum, nothing's stopping them!"

"Luna, contact Twilight and her friends." She turned back to the lieutenant, just in time to watch her explode in a shower of blood, fur, and, feathers. Followed by distant insane laughs and the sound of gunfire.

All the while Father continued his attack, He finally made it to the gates of the royal castle. Completely ignoring them, he lept over the walls, and charged through the gardens. Son on his tail.

"All forces fall back, protect the princesses!!!"Father heard this, and rushed over to the unicorn who had shouted it, grabbing him by the tail.

"WHAT PRINCESSES!!?!?!?!"

"I'll never tell you anything dumb ape!!"Fathers eyes flashed red, and the pony began to shiver in fear.

"Alright, They're that way, please don't kill me!" Father tossed his body off to the side.

"I HAVEN'T FELT THIS GOOD SINCE THE LAST GREAT CRUSADE!!!!" He charged into the castle. Tearing though the door way, he rushed down the hallways, tearing apart statues, and cutting down royal guardsponies wherever he found them. He turned a corner to find Son sitting on the ground, petting a pegasus.

"So, your boss yells at you as well?"

"Yes."

"Wow, we're not as different as I thought."

"SON, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" He raised his shotgun to the pegasus's head.

"Wait, dad, he said he hates his job, can he come with us?" Father stared into the yellow pegasus's eyes.

"Please sir, let me come with you, I hate my job anyway. They converted me with the promise that I'd be able to live worry free, instead they just made me guard this bucking palace." The pegasus pulled his helmet off.

"Please dad?"

"Alright, he can come with us, BUT GET IN MY WAY ONCE AND I WILL TEAR OFF YOU FUCKING WINGS, DO YOU UNDERSTAND!!!!??!"

"Y- yes?" He scrambled to his hooves. "Name's Everfree by the wa-" He looked off to see the 2 crusaders charging off.

"Wow, they sure have short attention spans. Eh, still better than my so called "Friends" in the guard."

Father and Son continued deeper into the castle, until they came to the gates of the throne room.

"You sure they're in there?" Asked Son.

"I can smell the heresy from out here, I'm sure of it!" He kicked open the door, knocking aside the barricade that the remaining guards had set up.

"HEY PRICCESSES COME TO FATHER YOU COWWARDS!!!" They found the remaining guards hiding behind a group of six colorful ponies, 2 pegasi, 2 unicorns, and 2 earth ponies all wearing some weird crown looking thing. Behind then sat the 2 princesses.

"Welcome humans, we have been waiting for you, we still believe that you can be saved, we are giving you this opportunity to join us. Now Girls!" the six colorful ones lit up, Father raised his shotgun and pulled the trigger, only to find it clicking on empty.

"That... thing cannot save you now." Father drew his sword and shield, and charged at them. He was met with a blast of rainbow colored light, he planted his feet firmly, and raised his shield, the blast hit it.

"Son, Help!!!" No response came.

"SON!!!!" Celestia watched on with mild amusement.

"Silly human, you can't stop the magic of friendshi-" Just then, she felt something cold and hard press up against her muzzle.

"EAT MY ENTIRE A-" Son pulled the trigger and a slug tore through the alicorns lower muzzle, causing her to drop to the floor in pain.

"GOOD WORK SON!!! Now, for that thing I showed you. Father put his shield away, and both their hands began to glow bright orange, the main six stopped, and watched in wonder.

"BURN IN HOLY FIRE HERITIC-" A massive explosion rocked the entire castle.

2 shadowy figures emerged from the burning ruins of the throne room. Father looked off into the distance.

"You smell that son!?"

"Uh, burnt flesh?"

"NO, BREAD!!!" He pointed at Canterlot bakery in the distance. They drew their weapons', and charged off.

For God, for humanity, FOR BREAD!!!

They will rue their existence

It all started two years ago, when the continent of Equestria appeared in the Pacific Ocean And with it came the barrier, a wall of magical energy that was harmful to almost all living things in our world, however, The Princesses of Equestria came up with a 'solution' of sorts. Through a combination of human nanotechnology and Equestrian magic, they were able to create the ponification serum, a liquid, which, when ingested turns human beings into ponies allowing them to survive the Magic radiation, dubbed "thumetic radiation" by scientists. They set up locations known as "Conversion Bureau's" Across the Globe to help. A human could walk in and get converted completely for free. However, as is human nature, not all were willing to just hand their humanity over to a race of alien's. And as such, rival factions soon began to form. On one side, there was the HLF or human liberation front, violently xenophobic and hell bent on wiping equestria off the face of the earth. On the other side of the spectrum there was the PER or Poinfication of Earth for Humanities Rebirth, hell bent on converting all humans into ponies, regardless of whether they wanted it or not. Most sided with neither. And for most life went on as usual, and the world just kept getting worse and worse. That would all end soon.

It was a mostly quiet day in the sunny neighborhoods of northern Tennessee, the exception being for one particular house. The residence of one Father and Son. That was their actual names, it sounds crazy, but it's true. They were anything but normal, they were known as the Bread boys, for their fanatic obsession with bread. They were originally a pair of crusaders from the 12th century, however, due to a freak accident, a blessing, or both. They were made immortal. However, they could not be more different from one another, Son was always interested in whatever new 'Fad' was going on in society, be it anime, taxes, or whatever other nonsense the world cooked up. Father on the other hand, preferred to do things the old fashion way, reacting to any new societal developments the same way every time, with pure immensurable violence and that, "Stomp it out" crusader attitude. Usually directed at His son. Once Father had discovered firearms back in the 19th century, there was really no going back. For the last 2 years they had gone about their lives the same way as they always had. However, that was all about to change Son had just finished his homework and had decided to spend the rest of the day watching tv. He grabbed himself a baguette from the fridge, and sat down on the couch, He grabbed the remote, and turned on the tv, It automatically went to world news, and he was about to change it when he saw what it was about. He leaned in closer.

"The Barrier is set to make landfall on the coast of California within a few days, so all you newfoals out there, get ready!"
"What do they mean by newfoals?" Son thought to himself. The next thing on the tv was an ad for a conversion bureau.

"Equestria's getting closer every day, head down to your local conversion bureau before it's to late! Brought to you by the Equestrian Royal Diarchy!"

"Ok, this needs further investigation." Son pulled out his phone and typed in "Conversion Bureau" What he saw horrified him. Unfortunately, Father had heard the tv from the basement, and came charging up the stairs, shotgun in hand. Barging into the room with the fury of God himself.

"SON, TURN THAT HERESY OFF!" Father raised his shotgun and racked a shell into the chamber.

"WAIT, you need to see this, it's important." Son turned up the volume of the tv. And Father sat down next to him, shotgun still gripped tightly in his chain mail gauntlets.

"Son, why is there a horse talking on the tv!?"

"That's What I was trying to tell you about!"

"YOU DIDNT AWNSER MY QUESTION, WHAT IS THAT THING DOING ON THE TV?" HE got back up and raised his fist.

"Father, sit down, And keep watching." From what he could gather, these colorful horses where slowly replacing humanity with their own kind.

"Unacceptable!" He threw a kitchen knife at the TV." What did you that for!?" Son cried, "The TV didn't do anything!"

"It was showing heresy." Father responded.

"What do we do now?" Son asked him.

"Nothing, I'm hungry" Father replied. “We're going to eat first.” He walked over to the fridge, and opened it up. But as he looked from shelf to shelf, his helmeted face grew dark.

"Son, where's The Bread?" Son looked nervously back at the bread crumbs that now littered the couch. He could feel the sweat dripping down his face.

"THAT WAS FOR BOTH OF US YOU HERITIC!"HE punched Son in the helmet, knocking him out cold.

Father dusted his hands off. "I'M GOING TO GO GET SOME MORE BREAD, ALRIGHT?!" He yelled at his still knocked out son.
He walked out the front door, and down the driveway. "Now, how do I drive? Son usually does this stuff. He sighed "I guess I'm walking!" He took off down do the road towards the nearby safeway.

A brisk 40 minute long stroll later...

Father walked into the Safeway's parking lot, he realized something. There weren't half as many cars as their usually were.
He walked through the front door, stopping only to yell at the stupid automatic door.

"Open! I command you! Open!" One of the employees rushed over to him.

"Sir, That door doesn't open that way."

"Oh, I SEE how it is!" He grabbed the 2 doors and pulled them apart by force. He walked into the Safeway, grabbed a basket, and began looking for the bread isle. He had been here before with his son many times. He finally made it to the bread isle, and found it replaced with...flowers? He stormed over to the nearest employee he could find and picked him up by his shirt collar.

"Where's The Bread you piece of shit!?"His eyes began to glow red. The worker looked at him in terror.
"It's two isles down! Can you please let me go!?" He was practically sobbing at this point. Father dropped him." THANK YOU, NOW, please explain to me why there's hay and flowers in my BREAD isle!?"

"We were just trying to diversify, what with those Ponies and all." Without saying another word, Father turned, and walked down towards the bread isle. As he did, He caught eye of something blue and fuzzy enter the isle which he had just left.

"Hmmmm...He walked into the bread isle, and began to shovel loaves into his basket, as he reached for another bread loaf, he found a blue hoof grab it at the same time. He looked at it with anger, his gaze shifted up, and he found the hoof belonged to a light blue earth pony.

"Uh, hi there sir, you don't mind if I have the las-" The pony froze when he saw the soulless gaze of Father staring him down. The poor newfoal could practically feel the anger radiating off him.
"You're one of those talking horse things I saw in the TV!"

"Well, I suppose I am. P-Please don't call me a horse." Father continued staring at the pony.

"Sir, you look like you got plenty of bread already, could you please let me have the last one?" Father growled again.

"You're one of those talking horse things I saw in the TV. You Heretic!" Father grabbed the bread loaf from the pony's hooves, and stuffed it into his basket. He pulled his shotgun out and dramatically racked a fresh shell.
"Please sir, I don't want any trouble, we can work this out peacefully, right?" Fathers leveled his shotgun at the newfoals head.
"I wish I could still swear." The pony turned and galloped as fast as he could towards the exit, Father fired, the red-hot buckshot just missing the newfoal by a few feet. He ran after him. Until he made it to the the checkout station.

"You, cashier! Did you by any chance happen to spot a blue talking horse about yay high run through here?!" Motioning to his waist. The cashier looked down at the pony hiding under his desk. Who looked about ready to wet himself.

"No sir, haven't seen any. Alright, here's the bread." Father handed the cashier the basket, who in turn began to check them out one by one.

"You seen any good movies recently?" Asked the cashier.

"No, I'm not a heretic, you'd have to ask my son about that."

"Well how about conversion? I'm getting it next month, I can't wait, I hope I get turned into a unicorn." Father looked at the cashier with disappointment.

"Anyway, The total's 45 dollars." Father reached down into his pockets and pulled out 2 gold coins.

"Here you go." The Cashier looked at the gold with amazement. "Are these real?" He turned back to see Father walking back out the door of the safeway. It was already dark outside when he got outside. He didn't care. He pulled out a loaf of sourdough and began to devour it as he walked back home.

"SON BETTER BE AWAKE WHEN I GET BACK!"