The unicorn and the earth pony stepped off the train in Griffonstone.
"Even a year ago," Sunset Shimmer said as she looked around the train platform, "the train line stopped a full day's walk down-valley. We got lucky."
Wallflower Blush tripped and stumbled. "I'm still getting used to these hooves. How long did it take you to get used to two feet?"
Sunset frowned. "A while. Sometimes, if I haven't gotten enough sleep or I let my blood sugar get too low or I smoke too much pot, I still stumble."
A griffon in an Equestria Rail uniform looked at the two ponies, then turned her attention back to the roasted rabbit in her claws.
"Good thing Fluttershy isn't here," Wallflower said, looking at the golden-brown bunny.
"Let's find our contact. The train leaves again in two hours and I will be on it." Sunset levitated out a map and led off, northward from the train platform.
Dry air stung Sunset's eyes, dust swirling on the wind. As they passed griffon hovels, the stench of cooking meat, rotting garbage, and open sewer pits assaulted them.
"You good?" Sunset said.
Wallflower smiled and nodded. "I've smelled worse mulching the gardens."
"We're going to need to fertilize this garden!" Sunset said, then started humming We're in the Money.
"Stupid cops and their stupid hyperspectral imaging drones," Wallflower grumped.
"Luckily Vice-Principal Luna warned us in time to destroy the pot crop before the cops overflew the garden," Sunset countered.
"She still demanded half the last harvest."
"At least she's mellower about illegal parking."
Wallflower looked at an unusually green patch just beyond the built up area. "Is that it?"
"It is. Can you smell it?"
Wallflower raised her nose and closed her eyes, sniffing deeply. "Wow. Much better than pot. No skunky smell at all."
"Griffonstone Green. It's the best in the multiverse."
They reached the cultivated field. A tall split-rail fence surrounded the field where the woody shrubs grew. The plants looked more like long-needled rosemary than marijuana, which is one reason they expected they would be able to grow it on school grounds without anyone—such as the local police and their damn drone—noticing.
There was only one gate in the fence. They walked slowly to it, enjoying the smell wafting on the wind.
A smallish griffon flapped and landed in front of them, tucking his wings and staring at them. "Your letters said you weren't ponies."
"Portals," Sunset said. "It's complicated."
"I don't like ponies." He paused. "Whatever. You've got the money?"
"Samples, first," Wallflower said.
The griffon reached into a shoulder bag and pulled out a huge brown-paper-wrapped blunt the size of a horse tampon. "I'm Gram, by the way."
"Graham?" Asked Sunset.
"Gram."
Sunset looked him up and down. Rather small by griffon standards, smaller even than Sunset herself, and quite a bit smaller than earth pony-Wallflower. Buffy-brown and charcoal-gray kestrel head, off-white chest with black spots, and the light-tan and black-tiled body of a clouded leopard. His fluffy tail wagged back and forth as the sharp yellow falcon's eyes stared at them over the cruel beak. Gram held the blunt toward the ponies, gripped in the sharp killing talons of a predator.
A large mule, her ears poking through a floppy sun hat, walked out of the gate. "Who're these two?" she asked.
"Ponies. This is my partner, Dime Bag."
Wallflower raised an eyebrow. "Dime Bag... the drug mule."
"...yes?" Dime Bag said.
Sunset levitated the blunt from Gram and lit it with a flash of magic. "My name is Sun—"
Gram shhhed her and held up a claw. "I don't actually care what your names are."
Dime Bag rolled her eyes. "I care. Introduce yourselves, sweethorn."
Sunset blew on the end of the blunt to get its tip glowing well and a good plume of smoke going. She glanced at Gram and Dime Bag. "Sunset. She's Wallflower."
"Charmed," Dime Bag said. "Smoke that thing, you're wasting product."
Sunset glared at the giant blunt. It was crudely but obviously folded into the flared-tip shape of a griffon penis. "So... is this a joke?"
"Yes," Gram and Dime Bag said in harmony.
Sunset took a huge toke, pulling the thick woody smoke deep into her lungs. She held her breath, her eyes watering and head spinning, and passed the blunt to Wallflower.
"How the shit am I supposed to hold it?" Wallflower waved a forehoof.
Sunset levitated the blunt around, pointing the back end at Wallflower, who then sucked on it like a gerbil at the bent neck of a cage-mounted water bottle.
Wallflower coughed and gasped, her ears going flat and her tail flagging vertical.
Gram's eyes widened from his position behind Wallflower, where he had a good view under her tail.
Sunset blew the smoke from her lungs through pursed lips. "That's good. Hey, Wally, remember what we discussed."
Wallflower continued coughing and shook her head 'no.'
"The bit about 'remember you won't have underwear on?'"
Wallflower slapped her tail back down and turned to face Gram and Dime Bag.
The three females all looked at Gram, who had a hardon forming under his belly. Sunset took another huge toke.
Gram was perhaps the smallest griffon she'd ever seen—which made sense, being a kestrel-form—but he was clearly gifted in at least one department. (Sunset's years across the portal as a human had taught her that, indeed, size did make one hell of a difference, no matter what the clichés said.) Had Gram been a pony, hippogriff, donkey, or mule, Sunset would probably already be propositioning him. She was sick and tired of miniscule human dicks and wanted a proper railing. However, she remembered Equestrian middle-school health class and knew better than to fuck a griffon, so she found Gram's thick, throbbing, massive boner purely of academic interest.
"I'm sold," Sunset said, carrying the words on the thick plume of smoke as she exhaled. "We've got a deal."
Gram said, "The arrangement was two hundred featherweights of gold."
Sunset said to Wallflower, "That's six ounces."
Wallflower coughed again, lowered her hindquarters, and wriggled out of the saddlebags, leaving them on the dusty ground. "Can you do it? I'm still getting used to 'no hands.'"
Sunset levitated the saddlebags open and felt a rush of panic, followed by anger. She pulled several bricks of twenty-dollar bills from the bags and rubbed them into Wallflower's face. Wally gasped and spluttered, backing up until her butt hit Gram's flank.
"Sunset, what the shit?" Wallflower demanded, holding one foreleg defensively in front of her face.
"I told you gold! Gold!"
"I looked up the spot price of gold. Eighteen-ninety an ounce. I got twelve thousand in cash."
Sunset looked at Dime Bag. "You take Earth bills?"
"Heck no."
Wallflower's face paled. "What?"
Gram reached up and grabbed the giant still-smoldering blunt from Sunset's levitation. "No gold, no samples. I'm a busy griffon." He took a giant toke of his own. "Wow, that's from my private reserve. It's too good for ponies. Get lost."
Sunset glared at Wallflower, pawing at the ground. "Well, we have plenty of time to get back to the train." She turned and started back towards town, refusing to look behind her.
"Wait!" Wallflower called.
Sunset stopped and looked at her.
"Can't—can't—can we leave the cash with you and take the seeds, and come back with the gold later?" Wallflower suggested.
Gram and Dime Bag looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"There's got to be something we can do!" Wallflower said, her ears trembling and tail swishing.
Wallflower looked at Gram, tilting her head to see under his torso at his softening but still enormous boner. She waggled her eyebrows at Gram.
"No! No no no no nononono—" Sunset said, turning around and rushing back towards Wallflower.
"Yes," said Gram.
"What's in it for me?" Dime Bag said.
"I'll pay you for your half," Gram replied.
"And I get to watch," Dime Bag continued.
"Deal," Gram said.
"No! No, no, no, Wally, no!" Sunset said.
"What?" Wallflower said, wiggling her hindquarters. "He's huge."
Gram squawked happily at the compliment, feathers ruffling.
"That's not a good thing!" Sunset yelled.
"Put your forehooves on the fence rail," Gram said. "My rear legs aren't very long so we need your butt lower."
Wallflower hopped up, forehooves on the split-rail fence, and looked at her tail. "What to I do with that?"
"Pull it to the side," Dime Bag said.
Wallflower blinked and pulled her tail to the right. Gram squawked, staring at Wallflower's rump again. Wallflower looked back, over her withers. "C'mon, big bird."
"Birdcat," he said. "I'm not... eh... Fully ready yet."
Sunset took another giant toke off the tampon-sized blunt, letting the smoke beat back her inhibitions and good judgement for a few seconds, and then blew a smoke ring. With a cough, she said, "I'll warm him up with a glowjob."
"A what?" asked Dime Bag.
Sunset passed the blunt to the mule, who grabbed it with her tail and took a hit of her own, her ears trembling. Sunset then approached close to Gram, just behind Wallflower's rump—the other mare was dripping wet, her labia engorged and clit throbbing, apparently just seeing the size of the griffon's cock had turned her fully on—and bent down.
Looking up, she had a close front-row view of the griffon's undercarriage. It looked just like the illustrations with the warnings from middle school health class, except bigger. "Wallflower, I really don't recommend this."
"Prude," Wallflower said. "I bet Twilight doesn't even take off her glasses when she's in bed with you."
Sunset started to say something about strapons and spitroasts with Timber Spruce, but decided that she would have had to erase that from Wallflower's memory afterwards, and without the memory stone, it would have required a regular stone swung in a sock, and that always made such a bloody mess.
Lighting her horn, she began massaging the pointy glans of Gram's cock with one orb of magic and massaging his balls with a second. A third orb of magic went schloop inside and started massaging his prostate.
Gram screeched and flared his wings.
She stayed a good six hooves back, not wanting to physically touch the drug-farming griffon. Her magic buzzed around the tip of his cock and tugged and pressed on his balls. Grams' floofy tail whipped back and forth, his beak hanging open, and his half-staff flagpole quickly turned into a tremendous erection. Its tip pushed past his sternum, throbbing in time with his heartbeat and thumping against his chest.
He was huge. Sunset, despite having had the most active sex life in Celestia's School—and despite having fucked a measurable percentage of Canterlot's aristocracy before her hiatus to earth—had never seen a dong with so much ding behind it. It was a wonder he didn't lose consciousness with the amount of blood diverted to keeping it erect. He was nearly as big as the world-record-sized dildo, The DraconequusTM, Sunset had discovered hidden in Fluttershy's closet.
Gram looked at Sunset and smiled. "You interested in having a go after her?"
Sunset laughed, cut off her magic, and backed up until she was next to Dime Bag again. "Tartarus, no. Gimme that blunt, I can't watch what's about to happen sober."
Dime Bag took another huge toke of her own and passed it to Sunset, who then toked long and hard.
Gram hopped up to his rear legs, grabbing Wallflower's sides with his talons. His massive cock pointed upward, throbbing, long, and thick, its tip touching Wallflower's labia when it pulsed with his heartbeat.
"Hey, wait, can he make me pregn—"
Gram yanked forward, his talons digging into her sides, and slammed his dick about halfway into her.
"—oooooooh ouch motherfucker! Oh wait, that's good."
Sunset held the smoke in her lungs, eyes watering. She blinked and bowed down again, chin touching the ground, to look up.
Wallflower's belly bulged out where Gram's massive member filled her channel. With a cough, Sunset breathed out. "Yeah, that's a thing that's happening."
"Oh my god this is good!" Wallflower shouted. "It's like when I borrowed that giant dildo from Fluttershy." She turned her head and stretched her neck to kiss Gram's beak. He let loose a series of high-pitched chitters and then blushed red, right through his feathers.
"Heee-hawwwww!" Dime Bag laughed, holding her belly with a foreleg as she laughed. "He hates the sound he makes. The other griffons all have big loud screeches, and kestrels sound like a squirrel that got kicked in the nuts. Kiss him again."
He leaned backward, drawing his head away from Wallflower's second kiss attempt, and pulled his hips back simultaneously.
Before Sunset could form the thought here it comes, Wallflower screamed in pain.
"There it is," Dime Bag said.
"You ever fuck him?" Sunset asked her.
"Lots."
"Why?"
"Mules aren't really in demand, but a molly still has needs. And you get used to the barbs."
"Barbs?" screamed Wallflower.
Sunset took another hit and passed the blunt back to Dime Bag.
Wallflower let loose a massive stream of befuddled curses, Gram's dick now mostly withdrawn, glistening with pussyjuices, only its tip touching her labia. "What the actual hell?" Wallflower concluded.
"Cats," Sunset said, "have barbed cocks."
Wallflower stared at Sunset, realization slowly dawning on her face. "That's why you warned me?"
Sunset nodded.
Wallflower looked over her shoulder. "Actually, that hurt, but in a naughty way. Do it again."
Gram screeched once more, his wings flaring, and slammed his giant cock back in. Sunset winced in sympathy as Wallflower's belly bulged out again. Wallflower's ears went flat and twisted outward, mirroring in miniature Gram's flared wings.
"He's got lots more barbs than the average griffon," Dime Bag said to Sunset.
Gram drew back again and Wallflower bit down on the fence rail, her ass and rear legs shaking as his cock scraped her pussy walls again.
"I learned in middle school health class not to do griffons," Sunset said. "Then, in ninth grade, my roommate did a griffon, and she whimpered in her sleep and walked funny for days."
Gram slammed forward and Wallflower's tail flipped hard left to right, popping his flank under his right wing.
Dime Bag watched the rutting. "Wallflower must have skipped that class."
Gram pulled back out, and this time Wallflower accidentally peed a tiny bit as she moaned in pain, leaving a muddy puddle beneath them.
"She's not actually a pony. There's, uh, magic—" giant hit of the blunt, which was now about half consumed "—and stuff."
Gram slammed forward and Wallflower's ears tucked tight to her head as her forelegs now trembled where they rested on the fence rail.
"Gram is actually a pretty good lover, once you get used to the dickbarbs," Dime Bag said. "He's nice to me, unlike ponies."
He pulled back out again and Wallflower accidentally peed some more, her ears trembling with the pain from the dickbarbs.
"You two sell much green?"
"A fair bit," Dime Bag said. "Empress Twilight made it not-illegal—"
"You mean legal?"
Gram squawked and started pumping faster. Wallflower gasped and started cursing.
"Not quite legal, but not illegal, so we're selling more. Ponies aren't big on smokables, though. Ponies like cider. Dragons are our main customers."
"Smoke affects dragons?" Sunset asked.
"Nah." Dime Bag shrugged. "Beat poetry is getting big in the Dragonlands, and we're selling everything we can grow. They just smoke it to look cool in a beret and playing bongos."
Sunset nodded and took another hit from the blunt.
Gram leaned forward and bit the back of Wallflower's neck. She shouted again, pain sharp in her voice, and he slammed his hips forward one more time, farther than before, and Sunset heard the *pop* as his tip slipped through her cervix and into her womb.
"Oh, yeah, that's a thing too," Sunset called. "Forgot to warn you, sorry."
His giant balls clenched and Gram screeched as he pumped Wallflower full of griffon cum, her belly bulging out noticeably.
Wallflower shouted curses Sunset had never heard before. Sunset was going to have to remember sperm-burping gutterslut, that one was good.
Sunset took a last hit of the blunt. "You got anything stronger?"
"Nah," Dime Bag said. "You sure you don't want to have a fuck?"
Gram pulled out one last time and Wallflower gasped as his softening cock's barbs made one last scrape down her sensitive pussy. At least a pint of cum rolled down her inner thighs, leaving her soaking and sticky.
"Yeah," Sunset said, "some mule pussy might help me forget what I just saw."
"Ow," Wallflower said, walking next to Sunset as they headed for the train station. "Ow."
"I warned you."
"My pussy really hurts."
"I told you to bring gold."
"And my uterus. He fucked me in my uterus."
"I told you not to fuck a griffon."
"We got the seeds, though."
"We did."
"And we saved the money."
"That's true."
"I'm keeping your half," Wallflower said. "Since I fucked the griffon."
"Half of my half."
"Cheapskate."
"I did warn you."
Six months later, Sunset was on her hands and knees, pulling weeds from the garden behind Canterlot High School. The police drone buzzed overhead, not even slowing down to examine the green plot. Three blackbirds mobbed it, thinking the drone was a hawk or eagle and trying to drive it from their territory.
Wallflower, heavily pregnant, sat in a folding chair and fanned her sweaty face with a floppy sun hat.
"Soon," Wallflower sighed, then started humming We're in the Money.
"Hey, I see the first shoots," Sunset said. She frowned. "This doesn't look like Griffonstone Green!"
Wallflower waddled over and leaned down, using a hoe to balance herself. "It better not have turned into pot or something at the mirror-portal..."
Rarity walked up, high-heeled boots unsteady in the loam and a wide-brimmed yellow hat protecting her fair skin. "What's what, Darlings?"
"This plant," Sunset said, pointing at the first sprigs.
"Oh!" Rarity said. "I grow that in my window box."
"What?" Wallflower said. "What is it?"
"I grow it for Opalescence. Catnip."
Author's Note
I have no idea why I wrote this.
