Equestria Girls: Language is Magic
Author's Note
I am sorry for this, I honestly have no idea where this came from
You did what?
The Main 7, save for Rainbow Dash, were at a cafeteria, drinking tea and eating cakes. They had a good time, talking about their day, the monsters they defeated and their interests:fashion, animals, farming and sweets. But even though all was good, they wondered where their rainbow maned friend was. The girls could not contact her at first, but then Fluttershy told the rest of the Main 7 to go without Dash, because she will be catching up with them, and so they all agreed. Suddenly, Rainbow Dash entered the scene, looking as cool as she could, and adressed her friends sitting at the table, in the most peculiar way:
"EEEEY WHAT'S UUP MYY BITCHEEEZZZ!!"said Rainbow Dash to her friends.
"Rainbow Dash, that is so uncouth! Cease that language immediately!", responded a very angry, confused and pouty Rarity.
"Geez Rarity, you're such a prissy bit-", answered Pinkie Pie, but was cut off by Applejack:
"Yeah Dash, Rare's right. You act like you had too much cider and your raunchy ass couldn't handle it!"
Fluttershy tried to intervene too, with her shy and timid voice:
"Umm, maybe she has a problem and she felt the need to address it in the form of vulgar vocabulary". Just as she finished her sentence, Twilight said nonchalantly:
"Maybe she has a problem and she felt the need to address it in the form of vulgar vocabulary". Fluttershy just glared at her.
Rainbow Dash looked at her friends, then looked at the floor, thinking what to say next. Sunset Shimmer got out of her chair and went to soothingly put a hand over her friend's shoulder:
"Yes Dash, tell us, why do you have such a shitty vocabulary?"
Rainbow Dash looked at her, and then suddenly said:
"I JUST LOST MY VIRGINITY TODAY, OK??". All her friends looked at her baffled. Rainbow continued:"Yeah, I know, outrageous!I mean, I was the only one that still had that pesky hymen, so I had to do something about it!". The others slowly blinked. The silence was then broken by Rarity:
"Was it with Soarin'?"
Rainbow shook her head, and wanted to reply, but then Twilight said:
"Was it with Flash Sentry?"
Sunset and Rainbow looked at her in a strange way. Sunset replied:
"Didn't YOU lose your virginity with him though?".
Twilight smiled and responded:
"Yeah, but remember, friendship is sharing!!"
"No, friendship is magic, or something like that", said Sunset with a sigh and narrowed eyes.
"A-actually, remember how we get those pony ears and tail extensions from our hair?Heh, hear out my genius: I thought that if we kinda transform in a pony...why not try it...with a horse?!", Rainbow trailed off. Everyone gasped, but Fluttershy suddenly got out of her seat, and came to hug Rainbow.
"You too?? Ohh, I'm so happy to hear that!", she said. Again, everyone gasped and shot each other confused looks, then looked suspiciously at Rainbow Dash. Seeing that her prank was degenerating, she decided to admit that she lied. Fluttershy looked hurt and betrayed. She took her hair and covered her face with it, and silently went to her chair.
"Ok, but seriously, who was it?", asked Rarity, impacient.
"Iiiiittt was Zephyr Breeze". Again, everyone gasped. This time, however, it felt like they were more shocked about this than "the horse prank".
"What?", Rarity deadpanned.
"Uhm, Dash, don't get me wrong, Zephyr is a...nice guy?" Sunset said while birefly glancing at Fluttershy, which looked somehow confused and disappointed, "but we thought you hat- I mean, we thought you disliked Zephyr."
"Yeah, of course I hate Zephyr! But the dude's...huge. Like, hung like a horse!T hat dick's bigger than-"
"Rainbow Dash, for fuck's sake! Please stop using such unladylike language. Zephyr is well endowed, we get it. But are you such a shameless floozy that would do that just because his genitals are adequate?", asked Rarity, while trying to calm herself down from her outburst.
"If you're asking if I fucked him just because he has a big dick, then yeah, that's the answer.", replied Rainbow shamelessly.
Rarity's eye twitched, Sunset looked at her with confusion, Fluttershy with a strange look that she couldn't quite decipher, Twilight with her mouth agape, Pinkie appeared that she wasn't even mentally present and Applejack was just tired of her blue friend's shenanigans.
"Oh come on guys, I thought you'll be happy for me", said Dash with a huff.
"Um, congratuations?", said Fluttershy, but it was barely heard.
"Can you at least tell us how it happened? For scientific purposes of course", Twilight blushed.
"Ehh sure. I knew Zephyr had the hots for me and he was pestering me all the time, so I had a genius moment and thought I knew how to get rid of him: I told him that I'll fuck him only if his dick is able to tap guts. I thought I got him with this, but the guy listened to me without saying anything, and after I finished, he put his hand in his pants and fished out one of the best dig ol' bick I've ever seen! So...yeah, there's that", Rainbow told her story in the most casual way possible.
"And will you end up datin' tha guy?", asked Applejack
"Huh? Oh hmm, I don't really know. Zephyr has the personality of a bag of flour, no offense Flutters, but I feel like I hit the jackpot on the sex department. So yeah...I'd also like some advice. Fuck him or date him?", Rainbow Dash said while gently scratching the back of her neck.
"Date him", replied Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy in unison.
"Fuck him", replied Sunset, Pinkie and Applejack.
"Umm, how about a compromise? Continue to...shake sheets with him, and if he proposes to go on a date, you tell him that you're not looking for that type of relationship with him", said Twilight.
"Hmm, yeah, great idea", murmured Rainbow, with a hand on her chin.
After a few days, the girls were sitting in Rainbow Dash's bedroom. They were looking at their friend then at eachother with expressions ranging from confusion, pity and surprise. Rainbow Dash was crying in her bed, in a way that would even put Rarity to shame.
"HE STOPPEEEDD GIVVIINGG MEE DIICKK BECAUSEE I SAAIDD III WOOUULLDD NOOOT DAATEE HIIIMMM", bellowed Rainbow Dash.
Sunset Shimmer sighed, then turned towards Fluttershy.
"Fluttershy, what the fuck is wrong with your brother?"
The yellow girl also sighed, lifted her eyes from the floor and looked straight at Sunset with a solemn expression.
"Zephyr may be hung as a horse, but he is dumber than one."
