One Last Thing (Love Of My Life)

by applejackofalltrades

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Death, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Romance, Strawberry Sunrise
Length: 9379

As Strawberry's condition worsens, Applejack resolves to do one last thing.

As Strawberry's condition worsens, Applejack resolves to do one last thing.

Originally written for Quills and Sofas Speedwriting’s Strawberry Sunrise contest, it has since been expanded to this.

Published 2021-11-17 00:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-17 00:10:00 UTC

Gone Forever

She really thought it was quite pleasant. The soft swishing of the grass, the tickling breeze, the song of the birds, the hissing coming from the device attached to her.

Okay, so maybe not that particular thing. But still, it had been a part of her life for years now. She supposed she had to learn to enjoy it. With a soft sigh, Strawberry looked at the device that embedded itself into her nostrils. It sat there, grounded and unmoving. Like her on most days.

Yes, Strawberry’s flying days were long over, ever since the doctor at Canterlot found that tumour in her lung. Or... was it a tumour? Strawberry chuckled briefly once, letting her gaze fall to the soft grass beneath her. “You’d think I’d remember.”

“Remember what?” the pony next to her mumbled drowsily.

“Nothing important,” she assured. “Just go back to sleep, I didn’t mean to wake you from your nap.”

The mare got up and stretched her limbs in turn, then turned her neck with a satisfying pop. “Naw, I’m up now. Everythin’ alright?” she asked, worry lacing her emerald eyes.

Strawberry nodded, twitching her muzzle. “Yeah, I was just thinking.”

“Oh?” She pressed up against Strawberry. Her larger form instantly sent warmth through Strawberry’s entire body. “Been a while since ya done that, huh?”

“Come on, Applejack,” the pegasus snorted. “Shut up. I don’t think you’ve ever used that big head of yours for anything other than headbutting.”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “You say that, but then it’s always me figurin’ out what we’re gon’ be doin’. Seems a mite silly, don’tcha think?”

“You’re a mite silly,” Strawberry shot back, doing her best impression of Applejack.

In return, she got a well-deserved thwack. “Hey, that ain’t what I sound like,” she whined. “Anyway, you wanna be mean? I’ll just head on home, then. Who’s gon’ carry your air tank now?” She took a few steps away, then looked back with a smug grin on her face.

Strawberry narrowed her eyes and carefully stood up despite her aching bones. “It isn’t called an air tank. I’m not a scuba pony, you idiot,” she corrected. “And I know you wouldn’t just leave me stranded here. You love me too much.”

Applejack took one more step in the opposite direction. “Hmm, I dunno, sugarcube, findin’ myself a nice marefriend sounds kinda temptin’.”

She was bluffing. Strawberry knew, and she knew that Applejack knew as well. “Fine, then leave,” she said with a melodramatic pout. “Poor sick pony… Woe is me…”

“Woe is you, indeed,” Applejack snorted. Despite that, she walked back to Strawberry and lifted her oxygen tank, placing it in the saddlebag strapped to her barrel. “C’mon, let’s start headin’ home. I’m gettin’ hungry.”

Begrudgingly, Strawberry rose to her hooves. She let out a sharp exhale, stumbling forward a bit. Applejack extended a hoof and caught her. Strawberry blushed and stepped back. “Sorry.”

Applejack’s eyes lingered for a moment. Her hoof was slow to fall back to the ground. “Y’alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, just dizzy. Stop asking,” Strawberry huffed. Her ear twitched as she followed beside Applejack, who trotted slowly down the path leading back to town. Her face fell into a frown as she realized that Applejack was probably going slow for her sake. She didn’t need that, and Applejack knew it.

“Hey, you can trot faster you know,” she muttered angrily.

Applejack turned to look at her. Her brow creased with worry. It was a slight thing, but Strawberry could see it plain as day. “I ain’t goin’ that slow,” she replied evenly. “I just don’t want ya to get tired or somethin’. You were dizzy just a bit ago,” Applejack pointed out.

As they entered the town, she noticed the townsponies giving them friendly waves. Applejack waved back for the both of them, but Strawberry kept her head down, not wanting to risk any of the pitiful smiles she would surely receive. Applejack was nice enough to make up for it, though. She gave quick greetings to anypony within hearing range and a polite tip of her hat to the rest.

Soon enough, not even halfway through the entirety of Ponyville, Strawberry found herself slightly panting. The tickle in her lungs forced her to slow down, which in turn got Applejack to stop next to her. It’s not supposed to be like this, Strawberry thought with a frown as she steadied her breathing, holding a tremoring hoof to her chest.

Though, try as she might, her breathing did not steady. Applejack smiled apologetically at the ponies who now had to trot around them as they sat in the middle of the street. Strawberry clenched her jaw, trying to breathe through her nostrils, then through her mouth. None of it made the action any easier. She turned to Applejack and reached around her front to the saddlebag holding the machine that kept her breathing. Her hoof scrambled on the machine, but nothing seemed out of place.

“Woah, hey, Strawberry,” Applejack said, putting a hoof on her shoulder. “What’s wrong? Are you dizzy?”

Strawberry couldn’t even shake her head in response. Her vision turned to stars as the lack of oxygen finally reached her brain. Desperate, though unsure of what she was doing, she flailed a bit. Applejack’s panicked yell faded into the blur that became her senses as she collapsed onto the dirt ground.

Applejack frowned as she paced in the waiting room. She felt strangely light as the saddlebag and its contents were stripped from her. They wouldn’t even let her keep that.

A mare and her foal glared at her as she anxiously paced from side to side. The foal watched her with large eyes and an extremely pale face.

“Miss Applejack?”

The earth pony practically jumped and spun to face the doctor that spoke. “What? Is she alright? What in the hay happened?” The doctor’s unchanging face was somehow worse than if he had been frowning. A pit formed in Applejack’s stomach at the uncertainty of the news that could follow. He didn’t say anything for a moment, urging a growl to be released from Applejack’s unwilling throat. “Well, what is it?”

“If you would follow me, I think it’s best to discuss this privately,” he murmured, ushering her to follow as a clipboard floated next to him.

The pit became a whirlpool in Applejack’s body. Or at least, she thought that’s what it would feel like. She couldn’t be sure as any words Twilight might have ever spoken to her were lost in the tempestuous state of her thoughts. Almost automatically, Applejack’s limbs worked against her mind and followed the stallion. Her breath hitched with every step, heart racing as she imagined why he would want to move her away from the busy waiting room.

“Is she gonna be alright?” Applejack finally asked as the stallion slowed to a stop. “Please tell me she’s fine.”

The brown stallion pursed her lips and glanced at his clipboard once more before rubbing his snout. “She’s alive, and she’s in a more stable condition,” he revealed. At Applejack’s relieved sigh, he frowned. “But we found a new tumour on her left lung. Her condition advanced to the next stage. The treatment didn’t work as we planned. It’s terminal now, and it’s only a matter of time until she passes.”

No.

The doctor didn’t seem to notice Applejack’s gaze drifting a thousand yards away. “There are many reasons this could have happened,” he continued, “although your quick thinking definitely bought her time. I suspect that—”

His voice drifted away as Applejack zeroed in on a painting on the wall. The hallway seemed to get longer as her unblinking stare focused on the happy couple in the painting. One of them had a cannula in her nostrils—like Strawberry had. Bile rose up Applejack’s throat, but she sent the burning thing back to where it came from.

“Can I see her?” Applejack asked, her senses slowly snapping back to attention. Her gaze fell once again on the stallion, though tears now brimmed her eyes, making him blurry. “Please, doc.”

He hesitated a bit, but nodded firmly. “Yes, of course. Right this way,” he replied gravely as he led Applejack down the hall. Every step echoed in her mind. Her thoughts raced against her imagination. But all of it ended up in the same spot.

She’s going to die.

“It’s this room here.”

Applejack blinked, nearly bumping into the stallion. The door opened magically, and she found herself unable to move. She glanced inside. Strawberry lay on the bed, connected to a plethora of machines. She knew only what a few of them did; the heart rate monitor that beeped steadily, and something that looked like her oxygen tank, only much larger, and it connected to a mask in addition to the cannula in her nostrils.

It was when she tried to cover her eyes with her hat that she realized she must have lost it in her earlier panic.

All of her constants were gone. Strawberry had been so strong so far. It was easy to forget she was even sick when her oxygen tank could be ignored. Applejack choked back a sob. Even when Strawberry had that illness, she smiled. Through all the machines hooked up to her, Applejack couldn’t imagine her to be smiling. She wished she could hold her hat for comfort. Instead, she stood in the doorway, trembling.

“I’m sorry, miss,” the doctor whispered. “She’ll be awake soon. We had to sedate her and shut down her lungs temporarily so she could be assisted in aspirating or else she wouldn’t have been able to breathe.”

“How long does she have?” Applejack demanded. Her voice cracked, though the steeliness did not waver.

“It’s hard to say… even with everything we were able to do and your quick reaction, it seemed something had been going wrong for a while,” he explained softly. “It could be a few weeks. It could be a few days. It could be a few hours.”

Hours?

Applejack swallowed a lump and nodded. She turned to the room and slowly made her way in. The doctor did not follow. Immediately, she went up to the bedside and put her front hooves next to Strawberry’s. Gently, she put one on hers, making sure not to move any of the various tubes entering her limb.

Strawberry stirred slightly. “Hmm?”

Applejack tensed and snapped her gaze to Strawberry, who groggily blinked awake. “Strawberry,” she whispered. “You’re awake.”

“Mmm… yeah,” she wheezed. As if she was unable to move her head, Strawberry’s eyes glanced around until they landed on Applejack’s hooves and her own foreleg. “What… happened?” she rasped. “Ugh, my throat…”

“Shh, don’t talk,” Applejack murmured, pushing back tears. “You got sick.”

“Again?” Strawberry asked, her word turning into a rattling cough that sounded like a wheeze. Her eyes opened, strain and pain masking the usual confidence in them.

Applejack nodded. “Yeah, hun… Uh…”

What do I tell her?

“What is it, Applejack?” Strawberry asked. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

The earth pony bit her lip, desperately wishing she could hide behind her hat. Uselessly she nodded. “They, uh…. Found a new tumour,” she explained, trying to remember the words she had been trying to forget she heard. “On your heart. Nothin’ we c-can do.”

Strawberry lifted her hoof to Applejack’s shaking face. “Please don’t cry,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”

“No… no it ain’t,” Applejack sobbed. “Don’tcha get it? You’re gonna die, and I didn’t even notice there was somethin’ wrong.”

The quiet in the room was masked by the hissing of the air tank and the various beepings of the machines. Strawberry drew in a raspy breath that rattled the device. “It’s… not your fault, Applejack,” she promised, though her own voice wavered through the sentence.

She knew that. But then, there had to be something she could have done. Applejack shook her head and buried her snout into the blanket. It smelled sterile, exactly like a hospital should. It made her want to puke. “I know, but… I coulda done more. Coulda taken you to yer appointments even though they were optional,” she murmured into the blanket. It became wet around her muzzle.

Strawberry didn’t respond for a moment. Applejack’s heart skipped a beat as she shot her head up, only to be relieved as she realized the pegasus was simply looking outside. Strawberry sighed. “I shouldn’t have said no. It’s more my fault.”

She punctuated the sentence with a cough. Applejack sat up and dried her tears before setting her full attention on her lover. “Don’t say no more. Don’t yer throat hurt?”

Strawberry shrugged and looked down at her tube-filled hooves. “You’re one to talk,” she muttered, but kept silent after that.

Applejack hadn’t noticed how… drained Strawberry looked until then. The mechanical, artificial wheezing of the machine killed what would have been a very pregnant silence with its hissing. Applejack’s heart hammered in her chest as she stared helplessly at her marefriend. She seemed to have zoned out. Had they given her any pain medication? Maybe that was why.

She frowned and gently rubbed her hoof on Strawberry’s. And to think I had a whole thing planned today… She wondered where they might have put her saddlebag. I wonder if they looked through it.

Would be quite the way to ruin the surprise if they had somehow accidentally revealed the precious item in the bag to Strawberry. Applejack grimaced. Should she wait? Should she even go through with it anymore?

‘Course I should. I love her, don’t I?

Strawberry’s sudden coughing fit startled Applejack out of her thoughts. Her attention snapped back to Strawberry. Applejack’s forelegs twitched in her sudden movement. “Hey, Strawb, what’s wrong?”

“I’m just… tired,” Strawberry wheezed. “Sorry. Maybe… I just need to sleep.”

Not now. Right? Not yet?

“Oh, c-course,” Applejack stuttered. “Uh, I’m not too sure if they’ll let me stay.” Her eyes drifted up to the clock in the room. “Visitin’ hours are over soon. I think I’ll have to go, sugarcube. But I’ll be back tomorrow, okay?”

“Please don’t go,” Strawberry whispered. “I don’t wanna be alone.”

Applejack hesitated. She glanced at the clock and then back at Strawberry, her mouth tightening into a firm line. After a sharp inhale, she exhaled, shutting her eyes slowly. “Alright. I’ll stay here ‘til either ya fall asleep or they kick me out, okay, hun?”

Slowly, wincing, Strawberry nodded. She murmured something, but none of the sounds she made were words. Her eyes drifted shut as her chest rising and falling slowed.

Applejack set her chin on the edge of the bed, watching Strawberry sleep. Her own breathing slowed to match Strawberry’s as exhaustion overtook her. She didn’t even have the energy to cry as her vision faded to black. The beeping of all the machinery was the last thing to fade into the silent darkness of sleep.

“No, it really isn’t a big deal,” that mare promised. “I mean, it kind of is, but the doctors say I’m getting better. The tank is a bit annoying, yeah, but what are you gonna do about it, right?”

Applejack shifted in her seat, looking over all the ponies sitting in a circle. That pony, Strawberry Sunrise, spoke with a smile, despite having just come back from a big treatment according to her story.

“Anyway, I’m happy to be back. This support group has really helped me get through it,” she continued. “Plus, the free food is pretty good too!”

Everypony in the circle laughed heartily. Applejack herself chuckled while Strawberry smiled proudly at the reaction she got. It was the most Applejack could do without her throat hurting. She was still getting used to her new limitations, despite it being months after her own treatment. At least most of those would go away.

The attention shifted back to Nurse Redheart, who smiled at Strawberry. “I’m glad it went well, Strawberry. Sorry you can’t fly, though. Must be too heavy with the tank, right?”

Strawberry shrugged, rustling her wings a bit. “Oh sure is. I don’t mind, though. Always been a ground pegasus, you know?”

“Of course. Well, as long as you’re healthy, that’s what matters.”

Strawberry glanced at Applejack. “Yup. I’ll be okay. That’s what they said.”

Applejack couldn’t tear her gaze off of Strawberry.

“How about you, Applejack?”

Huh?

“Applejack. Applejack? Applejack? Hey, Applejack?”

Applejack blinked her eyes open. “Hmm?” She let her eyes adjust to the morning light as she lifted her head with a sore neck, stiff from her uncomfortable position. Wincing, she attempted to roll out her neck, but decided against it as the subtle pain overcame her. She glanced up at Nurse Redheart.

“Hello, Applejack. Sorry to wake you, I came to check on Strawberry. Since you’re here, though, I do need to talk to you about her,” she explained.

Applejack nodded groggily, clearing her throat. “Sure thing. Sorry I fell asleep in here, though I’m surprised y’all didn’t kick me out.”

Redheart waved a hoof. “Oh, don’t worry, really. You’re welcome here anytime. We’ve missed you both at the support group.”

“Oh, right. Strawb don’t like going much, an’ to be honest, neither do I,” Applejack admitted sheepishly. “It’s nice to see how everypony’s doin’, but I’d like to try an’ move on from my… well, y’know.”

The nurse nodded. “Of course, I understand. Just know you are always welcome. Your story is very inspiring to other ponies.”

Applejack rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly. “Ain’t really nothin’. I just got lucky.”

“Well, luck or not, you’ve still made a near-full recovery.”

Applejack laughed. “Near is the keyword there. Ain’t completely full just yet,” she half-joked. “Hear my voice? Ain’t as high and pretty as it used to be, right? Plus, still got a few more trips to make before I’m officially done with all this.”

“Oh, well it’s still quite melodic, Applejack,” Redheart assured. “And I wish you the best of luck.”

“Sure,” Applejack agreed with a shrug. “I don’t really care ‘s long as I don’t gotta do none of that treatment no more. Anyway, this ain’t about me. Ya wanted to talk about Strawberry?”

Redheart nodded, taking the clipboard at the edge of Strawberry’s bed in her mouth. “Yes, follow me. We don’t want to wake her up or anything,” she spoke surprisingly unmuffled around the item.

Obediently, Applejack brought her hooves back to the floor. She took a wobbly step, steadying herself before following Nurse Redheart out of the room. Just before she shut the door behind her, Applejack stared at Strawberry’s sleeping form before letting the door close. The smooth tiled floors felt cold under her hooves.

Redheart led her down the hall into a separate room, one used for physiotherapy. Different items littered the room, each used to serve a purpose. The pair stepped inside the surprisingly normal-smelling room. If Applejack ignored where she was and the faint smell of hospital sterility, she might have thought she was in somepony’s playroom.

Redheart set down the clipboard on a nearby table. “I’m sure you were told that she doesn’t have long.”

Applejack’s heart dropped in her chest at the reminder. “Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. I know you two are close,” Redheart offered her condolences. “It was a treat seeing you two become friends at the group meetings. I thought you girls were… rivals of some kind.”

Images of that first interaction with Strawberry flashed in Applejack’s mind. She smiled weakly at the spunky pegasus’s brutally honest words in her memory. “Yeah, we had a bit of a… interestin’ first meeting. But I think we found somethin’ in each other at those get-togethers.”

Redheart nodded, mirroring Applejack’s bittersweet smile. “I can tell. That’s why I’m giving you the option to take Strawberry home.”

“Take her home?” Applejack cocked her head. “Whaddya mean?”

“Well, you see, she’s essentially bedridden, now. She can be taken out for a bit once or twice a day, but ultimately, it’s best for her to stay in bed and connected to the paraphernalia.” She gestured in the air with a hoof. “I don’t think her quality of life will be very high here, so what we can do is transfer everything she needs to your home if you’re willing to take care of her.”

Applejack’s heart skipped a beat. “Of course I am! I want her to have the b-best rest of her life as possible. If yer tellin’ me that there’s a way so that she don’t have to be stuck in this hospital ‘til then, I’ll do whatever I can to make it happen.”

“Fantastic. I’ll have the unicorn doctors set that up for you then,” Redheart confirmed. “Oh, and Applejack? We found this in your saddlebag. Perhaps you might want it back.”

Applejack watched as Nurse Redheart reached behind her into a small saddlebag on her side with the familiar red cross cutie mark on it. Between her hooves, she procured a small red box and held it out for Applejack to take. She stared for a moment before reaching out to grab the item she thought she had lost. Her hoof absent-mindedly reached up to her empty head, pushing down on her mane. “I thought…”

“We needed your bag,” Redheart explained. “But we didn’t know this was in there. I would have given it back yesterday if I had known.”

The little red box weighed far more than it had just the day before. Applejack cracked it open ever so slightly, just enough for the light to catch the red, perfectly faceted apple-shaped gem inside. She sniffled and shut the box. “Mine’s shaped like a strawberry. Supposed to represent each other, y’know? I was gonna ask her before but… We’re here now.”

Redheart placed a gentle hoof on Applejack’s shoulder, giving her a tiny smile. “I think it’s beautiful. And I understand that this is not according to plan, but perhaps when she is more awake, you would consider asking her anyway?”

“Yeah, I was thinkin’ about that, actually,” Applejack admitted. “Maybe we can have our own li’l weddin’. Just us two. Ya think Mayor Mare’ll be up for that?”

Redheart nodded. “I think she’d be delighted. And I think that the happiness will be good for Strawberry.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Applejack had never cleaned so fervently in her life.

The spare room on the first floor had been used for storing miscellaneous things for years. Boxes upon boxes of old family things, once seemingly lost possessions, old toys gathering dust… Now it would house something even more precious. The room now emptied and dusted, cleaned to sparkling perfection, Applejack finally paused for a break, letting the box she pushed into the living room come to a rest.

She panted, wiping sweat from her forehead and looked to the fruits of her labour. Soon, the unicorns would teleport in, bringing Strawberry with them. Strawberry and all her medical devices.

Applejack frowned slightly, gritting her teeth as she went in to give the room another sweep. It had to be perfect. She gripped the broom resting against the wall between her front hooves and pushed the non-existent dust, not really collecting it. Her thoughts wandered as the soothing sensation of broom bristles scraping the ground overtook her.

And then there was a knock at the door.

Applejack stiffened. They weren’t supposed to knock. She stayed unmoving, paralyzed by her own fear. No, it wasn’t supposed to be like that. They were supposed to pop in with Strawberry and explain how it all worked and tell her that it would be fine. They were supposed to startle her, and then they would all laugh together, and she’d nuzzle Strawberry, and Strawberry would smile despite the pain, noting how long she’d been waiting to move in. And Applejack was supposed to laugh and nod mention that she’d only imagined it after something special.

She was supposed to then drop to a knee and offer the jewellery to Strawberry. A gem, meant to be worn as twin necklaces, as she asked for Strawberry’s hoof in marriage because she loved her no matter what obstacles prevailed. And Strawberry was supposed to laugh and cry and say yes. They were supposed to have a little, personal marriage ceremony in the room, because all that mattered was that they were together, and then they would go out together for a bit to breathe in the fresh orchard air as newlyweds as Applejack pushed Strawberry during her daily trip for fresh air.

It was supposed to be their last hoorah.

It was supposed to be one last thing Applejack made sure they did.

The knock once again slapped Applejack out of her thoughts. The broom slipped out of her grip and clattered to the ground as she dropped down to her hooves and made her way to the door. Her throat as barren as the desert, she cleared it, doing her best to mask any fear in her voice as she opened the front door. “Howdy,” she greeted, her voice barely wavering. It took a moment for her brain to catch up with what she was seeing, but it confirmed her fear. Stood in front of her were a pair of unicorns in hospital attire.

“Good morning, Miss Applejack,” one of them responded. “I’m afraid we do not come bearing good news.”

The world grew louder. Applejack swallowed dryly, though it only served to nearly choke her. “Oh, w-what is it?”

The three doctors turned to each other with a frown, then turned back to Applejack. One of them cleared his throat. “Strawberry Sunrise has to stay in the hospital. Her condition has deteriorated since last night, so it’s been decided that it is best for her to stay where there will always be a doctor around.”

Applejack glanced back into her house. Her heartbeat roared in her ears. “B-but she’s fine, right?”

“Well—”

“She’s gotta be fine!” Applejack pleaded. “I don’t… care if she can’t be here, y’understand? I just want her to be okay, doc.”

The leading doctor nodded. “She will be better in the hospital. You can come visit her any time during visiting hours. In fact, she was asking for you. Did you want to come?”

“Of course!” Applejack paused and looked back once more, flicking back and forth between the empty room and the trio of unicorns. “J-just let me get somethin’ first, alright?”

“Take your time.”

Applejack sidestepped, then galloped into the room. Her heart raced as she stumbled past the boxes littering the living room, even knocking one of the lighter ones down. Her hooves skidded on the ground as she bumped into the dining table, on top of which was the item she searched for. Luckily, next to it was also her saddlebag. She threw in the pair of twin boxes in the saddlebag and haphazardly threw it on herself.

“Alright, I’m comin’,” Applejack called as she met the unicorns outside.

They turned to each other and nodded. “You okay with teleporting?”

If she was to be honest, the sensation made her feel a bit queasy, but she nodded anyway. Anything for Strawb. “Sure, just get me to her as fast as ya can.”

The unmistakable spark of unicorn magic filled the air before the world popped around Applejack. She could only describe the feeling as wrong, but before she could complain, everything materialized around her once more, causing her to stumble on the loud tile beneath her hooves. Her gaze flew upwards to the room number on the door. Applejack’s breath hitched in her throat. That was Strawberry’s room. She was in there. Was she awake? She had to have been, right? To have called for Applejack?

The earth pony swallowed. “Right. I reckon I can go in?”

The door clicked open with the aid of green magic as a response.

Applejack breathed in deeply. Already, the sound of beeps and hissing filled the air. Never a quiet moment in these rooms, Applejack reflected with a frown. She cleared her throat, feeling the nervous tickle coming for her again. Slowly, carefully, she stepped in. On the bed, Strawberry stirred, sitting straight up. Applejack smiled. “Hi, hun.”

“AJ,” Strawberry breathed, “you came.”

With barely functioning legs, Applejack made her way to her bedside, letting her weight fall on her front hooves next to Strawberry’s. “Was there ever any doubt?” Applejack asked, giving Strawberry her best smile, which the pegasus returned. “How’re ya doin’?”

Strawberry’s smile faltered for a moment, flickering like a dying lightbulb. “I don’t feel so good,” Strawberry admitted quietly. “I feel… tired. So tired.”

Applejack wrapped her hoof gently around Strawberry’s. It surprised her how cold her marefriend was. Applejack’s voice barely masked her own fear. “I know, sugarcube,” she murmured. “Is there I can do to help? Are ya thirsty?”

The pegasus shook her head. “No, I’m not thirsty. I just… wanted you here, AJ.”

Every breath the pegasus took rattled. Applejack grit her teeth, but kept it together even if it was just for Strawberry’s sake. “I’m here, hun,” she reassured, nuzzling Strawberry’s cheek softly. “I promise.”

Strawberry let out a choked breath. Then another. Applejack leaned back in concern, but what she saw was somehow worse than what she had thought. Strawberry was crying.

“I d-don’t wanna die,” she sobbed. Strawberry’s body shook uselessly as every forced breath came with a shake of her body. Tears streamed down her face as she wept. “Applejack, I’m so s-scared.”

It was all Applejack could do to hold back her own tears. “I-I know, s-sugarcube,” she responded, now stroking Strawberry’s foreleg. She couldn’t stop herself from trembling.

They sat there together for a while. Strawberry’s crying eventually died out, once again replaced by the mechanical beeping in the room. The pegasus hiccuped as she tried to calm down. “I’m s-sorry. I w-wanted to spend the rest of my l-life with you.”

Applejack swallowed dryly.

“Well, I g-guess I will,” Strawberry added with a snort. She almost actually sounded amused. “Please don’t l-leave.”

“I won’t,” Applejack promised. She gazed at Strawberry, who seemed to be gazing a thousand yards away. “Can I tell you somethin’?”

“Mhm.”

Applejack rubbed at her hatless mane. “I, uh, I wanted to propose to you ‘fore this all happened.” She frowned and reached into her saddlebag, pulling out the right jewelry box. Strawberry stared at her, mouth slightly agape. “I had these made. Yours has an apple on it, mine has a strawberry.”

The pegasus let out one curt breath, then smiled. Applejack, though she could see the pain in the smile, loosened up. Strawberry giggled. “I don’t even like apples.”

Applejack chuckled lowly. “I know,” she responded with a tiny smile of her own. “But ya like me, right?”

“I love you, Applejack.”

“I love you too, sugarcube,” Applejack replied, setting the box on the bed. “That’s why I wanted us to get married.”

Strawberry stayed silent for a moment. Her voice came out as a hum before turning into slow, quiet words. “That would have been nice.”

Applejack fidgeted with her hooves, staring at the out of place box on the bed. She longed to play with the brim of her hat, but found her hooves rubbing against each other instead as she thought. Slowly, fearfully, she reached for the box. “Say, Strawberry?”

“Yeah?”

She had to be doing the right thing. It didn’t matter that Strawberry was going to… be gone. Applejack and her both wanted it. The earth pony fiddled with the box in her hooves. “I know this ain’t how we… wanted everythin’ to go, but… You’re still my mare, Strawb.” She paused and searched Strawberry’s face for any hint of an emotion, but for the most part, the pegasus just seemed tired. Regardless, Applejack pressed on. “An’ I want you to be my mare for… for the rest’a my life, hun. So, I guess… Well…

“Will you marry me, Strawberry Sunrise?”

Applejack held her breath as Strawberry gaped at her. Why is she surprised? I told her I wanted to do this.

“I... Y-you want me to marry you?” Strawberry finally asked.

“Y-yeah,” Applejack said with a nod. She opened the jewelry box to reveal the gem necklace. “I… thought you wanted this, too.”

Strawberry grimaced. “I do, I just… Why do you still want this, Applejack?” She retracted her hooves to her chest and took a shuddering breath. “I’m going to die.”

Applejack frowned, gazing at the pretty apple-shaped gemstone. “I know, hun. But… you’re the only one I want,” she squeaked. The words she wanted to say weren’t coming to her as she flailed her hoof, trying to think of what to say. Finally, she decided on what to say. “I love you, Strawb. I want us to be together forever, e-even if my forever is longer than yours.”

“Applejack,” Strawberry whimpered. “I don’t want you to prevent yourself from finding somepony else. You deserve somepony who’ll be there for you for your entire life.”

“And what about you?” Applejack countered, her frown deepening. “I wanna be there for your entire life. A-an’ who knows? Maybe you’ll get through all’a this.”

Strawberry saw through her foolish hope immediately. “You know I won’t,” she muttered. “I c-can tell I’m dying, AJ. I can feel it.”

The earth pony’s throat closed up. “It… don’t matter. Not to me, Strawb. C’mon, we both wanna get married right? I want our love to be f-forever, hun! Please don’t tell me ya don’t want it. Don’t lie to me,” Applejack rasped.

Strawberry looked away, panting for breath subtly. Applejack watched her with a grimace. Had she made it worse? She thought Strawberry would like the proposal. The idea of being together forever. Had she made a mistake?

“Yeah,” Strawberry muttered. She nodded slowly and turned to Applejack with a teary smile. “Okay, I’ll marry you.”

Applejack sighed in relief, letting tears slip down her face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Aw, I’m so happy,” Applejack exclaimed, nuzzling Strawberry gently. “Yer gon’ look so pretty in that necklace, hun.”

“Too bad it’s an apple.”

“Oh, shut it.”

Applejack uncharacteristically squealed in glee. She would always deny it, of course, but she did. The smile on her face remained glued on as she all but skipped around the small hospital room. “Mayor Mare’s gon’ be here soon! Aren’t ya excited?”

Strawberry nodded weakly. “Yeah.”

“Woo-hoo! I can’t believe it, Strawb.” Applejack paused next to the bed and grinned. “I sure hope you don’t mind it’s just gon’ be us two and the Mayor.”

Strawberry shook her head. “No, it’s okay.”

The distinct lack of energy in Strawberry’s actions forced Applejack to slow down. “Hey, you okay, hun?”

The pegasus nodded. “Yeah. Just… tired, I guess. Sorry, AJ. I know you’re excited.”

“Aw, it’s okay. Don’t wanna make it worse,” Applejack reassured her. “It’ll be quick, then we can rest.”

“Just rest?” Strawberry asked. Applejack could have sworn there was a joking tone to her voice, so she responded with a simple raised eyebrow. Strawberry chuckled slowly and ducked her head. “You’re right.”

“Anyway,” Applejack drawled out, “we’ll be married soon. Are you excited?”

“Of course I am,” Strawberry forced out. “I’m just… I’m just tired, AJ.”

The beeping grew louder, or at least that was what it seemed like. It was then that Applejack remembered she was in a hospital room. “Nothin’ doin’,” she responded with a meek smile. “Just… hold out for a li’l bit longer okay?”

Whichever way Strawberry took that would work for Applejack. The pegasus nodded and cleared her throat, gazing out the room’s window. Their breathing filled the room for several minutes before there was a knock at the door. Applejack jumped to her hooves and turned to the slowly opening door.

“Hello, girls. Oh, I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Mayor Mare greeted as she walked into the room. She shut the door gently behind her and smiled at the pair. “I understand you want to get married, is that right?”

Applejack nodded. “Yes, ma’am, that’s right. Thank ya kin’ly for comin’ on such short notice.”

“Well, congratulations! It really is my pleasure. You two make a lovely couple,” Mayor Mare started. “I do offer my condolences. I wish it wasn’t under these circumstances.”

“Don’t we all,” Strawberry muttered with a grin. “But hey, it’s happening, right?”

Mayor Mare nodded, taking her place at the foot of the bed. “Yes, that is true. Applejack says you both have your own vows written.”

“Eeyup,” Applejack confirmed. She glanced at Strawberry. “You got yours, hun?”

“Yeah. Got Nurse R-Redheart to write ‘em out for me,” Strawberry said with a nod. Her eyes slowly drifted to Mayor Mare. “Um, d-do you think you can read them for me in case I can’t?”

“Of course,” Mayor Mare agreed with a nod. “You just let me know, alright?”

Applejack watched painfully as Strawberry nodded once in return, barely managing a hum in response. She was doing fine yesterday…

Mayor Mare smiled and cleared her throat. “Right, shall we get started?” She blinked as Applejack nodded for both of them. “Okay. Do keep in mind I don’t usually wed ponies without an audience.”

“It’s fine,” Applejack replied with a quiet chuckle. She held Strawberry’s hoof in her own, subconsciously rubbing it with her other hoof, trying to warm up her ice cold hoof. Her gaze flickered occasionally to Strawberry, who mostly just stared ahead, though she returned the smile whenever she caught Applejack staring.

“Well, my beloved mares, today we are gathered together to unite you two in marriage. In front of me, I see two mares full of love and determination, united by their bond with each other. No matter the circumstances, or the challenges, your love for each other prevailed.” She paused and smiled fondly at the two. “Even through the hardest of times, you share a bond that most ponies could only dream about.”

“Some would die for it,” Strawberry managed to joke quietly. Applejack coughed in return.

Mayor Mare seemed like she wasn’t sure how to respond, so she smiled awkwardly. “And while not the most luxurious of wedding halls, this humble room will do the same. The love radiating off of you two make it seem perfect. With that, I will be joining you in maretrimony. Applejack, are you ready to say your vows? You may do so now.”

Applejack cleared her throat and gazed at Strawberry, who moved her gaze to her. She seemed pale but she was still beautiful. Applejack’s eyes welled up at the sight of her partner, who even at her worst, was every bit as breath-taking as she was at her best. “Strawberry, you have been the best thing to ever happen to me. Honest. Every day, I’m beyond grateful that I went to those silly group meetin’s, hun, because that’s where I met ya. When I was down-trodden by my slow-goin’ recovery, you showed me the humour in my condition by showin’ off how you can smile despite yours.

“Even now, ya manage to smile that wonderful smile of yers. An’ I realize how lucky I am that I get to see it every day. I remember all the jokes ya’ve made, sugarcube. Every laugh ya brought me when I’d cry, every witty remark—ya smartass—ya’d throw back at me. Yer probably the most infuriatin' pony I’ve ever met,” Applejack paused to chuckle, “an’ I love ya so much for it. I’ve been wantin’ to marry you for so long, Strawberry, and I’m just so… so happy that it’s finally happenin’. I wanna be yours forever, no matter how long that may be. I’ll be by yer side ‘til the end, hun. Always will be, okay? I’ll keep you safe, an’ I’ll be yours forever. Oh, an’ I swear I’ll stop babyin’ Apple Bloom. I know y’all teamed up against me about it. Heh.”

Her voice trailed off as her vow came to an end. She glanced at Strawberry, who smiled fondly at her. Mayor Mare smiled and glanced at Strawberry, who nodded and cleared her throat. “I, uh, didn’t… have as much written. But… you’re my everything, AJ,” she began, her voice crackling the whole time. “You literally carried my air. I mean, wh-who does that?” She paused as Applejack and Mayor Mare chuckled. “I couldn’t have asked for a better marefriend than you. Well, m-maybe one less... apple-y.

“I love you so much, AJ, and I wish I could put into words how much I mean it.” Strawberry shut her mouth and swallowed, then cleared her throat. “Uh, I, h-had some more but…” She cleared her throat and shook her head, motioning to a folded slip of paper next to the bed.

Mayor Mare glanced at it. “You want me to read it for you?”

Strawberry nodded.

“Okay. Applejack, can you give me that paper?” Mayor Mare reached for the paper that Applejack held out for her. She opened it and found her place. “Oh, you went a little off script, but I found where you left off.

“‘Applejack, I know I’m d-dying’,” Mayor Mare read for her, her voice faltering with every new word. “Sorry.

“‘I know I’m dying, and I won’t be around for long, but I am s-so happy that you want to marry me anyway. I never thought I’d marry anypony, but now here we are. I promise that I’ll hold off as much as I can, Applejack. I’ll stay with you as long as I can. Through s-sickness and… and death, I will love you forever, even a-after I’m gone.’”

Applejack could feel the tears rolling down her face as Strawberry’s smile widened, despite her sleepy expression. Strawberry sniffled. “I love you,” she whispered.

Mayor Mare wiped a tear from her eyes. “That was beautiful. Do you have your unifying jewelry?”

Applejack nodded. “Yup. That’s next, right?”

“Yes, now, you will take turns. Applejack, you can go first,” Mayor Mare responded. She gestured for Applejack to put the necklace around Strawberry’s neck.

Applejack gently put the necklace around her lover’s neck, having practiced with the clasp enough to do it effortlessly. “With this necklace, I profess my love to ya. Forever.” She let the necklace fall around Strawberry’s neck. The pegasus exhaled sharply with a smile. Applejack’s smile mirrored hers. “Your turn, hun. Ya want me to put it on myself?”

Strawberry nodded, but cleared her throat. “With this necklace,” she took a deep breath, “I profess my love to you. Forever.” As she said the words, Applejack put the matching necklace on herself, appreciating the strawberry shaped gem hanging from it. The two mares gazed at each other lovingly as Mayor Mare smiled.

“By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you mare and… mare,” Mayor Mare declared happily.

Applejack grinned widely, leaning in to nuzzle her wife gently. Strawberry giggled softly, nuzzling her back with the same softness of her laugh. The earth pony smiled as Mayor Mare clapped.

“I will leave you two be, now. Is that okay?” Mayor Mare asked.

Applejack nodded in turn. After they had been left alone again, she turned to the pegasus eagerly. “Aw, Strawberry, we did it! We’re married.”

Strawberry nodded again. “Yeah. We are,” she whispered.

“How are you feelin’?” Applejack asked.

“Kinda sleepy,” Strawberry admitted with a forced chuckle. “You don’t mind if… I take a nap?”

The way she asked it made Applejack a bit uneasy, but she figured there would be no harm in resting. Unsure, she shook her head slowly. “Naw, it’s fine, sugarcube. I’ll stay here with ya, okay?”

Strawberry huffed. “This is… this is all I wanted before I die,” she whispered with a smile. “I don’t think I’m scared anymore.”

“Don’t say that,” Applejack interjected. She rested her forehead on Strawberry’s cheek. “Don’t. It’s okay, hun.”

Strawberry shuddered. “I love you so much, Applejack.” Her eyelids drooped as she looked forward. “So, so much.”

The constant beeping in the room had changed a bit. Applejack halted, her smile dropping to a concerned frown as she leaned back to look at her wife. “Is there something wrong?”

Strawberry shook her head. “N-no. I’m just tired, Applejack. I’ve been really tired the whole time.”

“I know b-but…” Her voice faltered. “Please not yet.”

“N-no, it’s okay, AJ,” Strawberry promised. “I’m just… Tired.” She blinked, her glossy eyes barely fluttering open again. “Just a bit tired.”

“B-but ya made it through the wedding,” Applejack pointed out. “Strawberry, please, ya can’t go n-now,” she pleaded, her crying turning to one of desperation.

“I… I’m trying,” Strawberry responded. “I’m just so tired.”

Applejack held her hooves tighter, her tears dropping on them. There was nothing she could do. “I know, hun,” she muttered hoarsely.

“I’m sorry, Applejack,” she whispered. “I really… tried to hold out…” She took in a rattling breath and gazed at her newlywed wife. She cracked a smile. “‘Til death do us part is… stupid. I’ll never leave you, AJ. I love you.”

Applejack watched her helplessly. “I love you too,” she replied, the words stumbling out of her mouth.

Strawberry’s smile widened before she shut her eyes. It almost seemed like she fell asleep, but as that last, damned breath left her body, the beeping slowed, then flatlined altogether. Applejack’s lip wavered as she choked back a sob, staring out the window. It took a moment for her mind to catch up to her trembling body, but once it did, all consideration for her vocal limitations left the room.

Applejack shrieked in agony.

Gone For Good (Epilogue)

The seat was hard beneath Applejack’s rump.

Glad to see nothin’s changed.

She sighed and looked around, her front hoof reaching up to play with the necklace that had adorned her body for nearly a year. There were some new ponies, but a lot of the same old ones. She wondered if they were there because they were still sick, or because they liked to keep up. Regardless, she admired them for coming.

The room was full of chatter, inquiries about each other’s lives, updates, and progress. Friends from out of town who were happy to see each other, budding friendships, and ponies of all ages. She noticed a small group of younger ponies, each showing each other their prosthetic limbs with eager grins. Applejack couldn’t help but smile at that.

Finally, Nurse Redheart entered the room, and everypony who was out of their seat returned to it, facing the snow-white earth pony eagerly. Applejack shuffled uncomfortably in her seat as Redheart noticed her and shot her a reassuring smile. Applejack simply tipped her hat and tried to remain aloof, though she noticed some of the newer members eye her. Perhaps a few from Ponyville were even surprised to see her there. She had kept her medical life mostly secret, after all.

“Welcome, everypony, to this week’s group meeting,” Nurse Redheart started with that cheery tone. “I’m glad to see a few new faces, as well as some”—she glanced at Applejack proudly—“returning faces. It’s great to see everypony here looking cheerful and well! As a reminder, we have baked goods complimentary from Sugarcube Corner on that table, as well as drinks on the opposite side. Bathrooms are in the room in the back and anything else you may need, please let me know. We will take a short break once we get around half the circle today. Would anypony like to start?”

A stallion a few seats over from Applejack raised a hoof eagerly. She recognized him from right before she stopped coming to the meetings, though she couldn’t quite remember his name. Everypony’s eyes turned to him, and Redheart nodded encouragingly.

The stallion smiled and waved. “Hi, everypony! My name is Andante and I was diagnosed with osteosarcoma right on my hind leg. I started my treatment a long time ago, but I was recently confirmed to be cancer-free!” Everypony cheered for him. Andante squealed happily. “I know! I had surgery first, then a lot of magic radiation, and now I’m free of all that! I can actually get back to playing music! But I will keep coming to these because I know lots of ponies who need support. If any of you need somepony to talk to, I’m your stallion!”

Applejack clapped her hooves together. She was glad to see that Andante was doing good, and despite how much she hated the meetings, she picked up on that sense of… familiarity. Maybe they weren’t so bad after all.

“Wonderful, Andante,” Redheart cut in, giving Adante a big smile. “Now, let’s go in a circle. Remember, you don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but it is encouraged that you do.”

The unicorn mare next to Andante shuffled her hooves. She was young, maybe even a bit younger than Applejack herself. Her short purple mane seemed frazzled, though maybe that was just her style. “Um, hi. I’m Raspberry Sorbet. I’m new here. Um, I was diagnosed last month with leukaemia, and I’m going to start my treatment next week.” She chuckled a bit. “I’m a little nervous, but my doctor recommended I come to one of these. I like it so far, you all seem nice. Mine was caught early, so I’m not too afraid, but,” she chuckled, “it’s just scary, y’know?”

Everypony greeted her and wished her good luck with her treatment. Applejack, of course, did the same, though she mostly looked down at her necklace.

The next few ponies came and went. She had seen the two of them before. One of them was like her and came back to visit, while the other one was a fresh face. Before Applejack knew it, everypony’s eyes were turned to her. She swallowed dryly at the realization that she was at the exact middle of the circle.

“Uh, howdy y’all,” she greeted nervously. It’d been a while since she’d had to do this. “The name’s Applejack. I actually haven’t been here in nearly two years.” She brought a hoof to her neck and rubbed it absent-mindedly. “Was diagnosed with, uh, subglottic cancer ‘round five years ago. I’ve been through all my treatments, clearly, though I haven’t been labeled as cancer-free just yet. Still waitin’ on that, so uh, guess what I’m tryna say is… don’t smoke.” She cleared the scratchiness away from her throat. “Y’know, my wife ‘n I actually started datin’ ‘cause-a these meetin’s,” she added with a weak smile. “They’re worth comin’ to.”

Everypony clapped, though a few of them offered her sad smiles. She had figured at least some of them would pick up on the truth. In return, she tipped her hat and turned to Redheart.

“Thank you for sharing, Applejack, and thank you for coming back. We are glad to see you here.” She paused, then clapped her hooves and smiled. “Now it is time for our break. You are welcome to all the food here. If you need assistance, do let me know.”

The room was instantly once again filled with chattering. Applejack cocked her head. These meetings had always felt so long before, but this one had felt really short so far. At least she could have something to eat; she had forgotten to have lunch before coming.

Carefully, Applejack hopped off her chair and made her way to the surprisingly uncrowded food table. There were only a few other ponies there, each one with a donut or a cupcake. Applejack smiled. Pinkie and the Cakes were always so kind for supplying the meetings with food.

As she approached the table, the ponies there turned to her and waved. She recognized Andante and Raspberry Sorbet from before, but there was another earth pony who Applejack hadn’t seen before. Applejack waved back and smiled.

Raspberry Sorbet was the first one to speak. “Hey, you’re Applejack, right?” After she asked the question, she cringed a bit. “Well, I mean, duh, you just… talked.”

Applejack chuckled as she picked out a plain donut. “Yeah, that’s me. Nice to meet ya.”

“You know, Andante was just telling me about how he remembers you from before,” Raspberry recalled. Andante next to her blushed and rubbed his neck, while the other earth pony snickered.

“Yeah, well, I just remembered you from when I got here, Applejack,” Andante mumbled sheepishly. “I’m glad that you’re doing well though!”

The other earth pony nodded. “Yeah, I think I’ve seen you around Ponyville before. I come here a lot for physio, and you seem to be pretty popular around here.” He cut himself off and laughed. “Oh, sorry, my name is Felix!”

Applejack tipped her hat. “Nice to meet ya, Felix. An’ I wouldn’t say I’m popular. If I’m bein’ honest, it’s just the farmin’, I think. Small town, everypony knows everypony or whatever.”

Andante scoffed. “Oh, come on, Applejack. I don’t know you very well, but I know ponies, and everypony knows you. And hey, now that I think about it, you were with that, uh, that other mare when I last saw you, weren’t you?”

Felix opened his mouth wide and nodded. “Oh yeah,” he exclaimed. “That yellow pegasus, right? Is she your wife?”

Applejack frowned and glanced at her necklace. The strawberry gem grew heavier with every passing moment. “Yeah,” she replied with a nod. “She is.”

Raspberry cleared her throat and gave Applejack a small smile before turning to the stallions. “Come on, guys, I think you’re upsetting her.”

The pair of stallions frowned. Felix looked away as Andante pawed at the ground. “Sorry,” they both muttered.

“It’s fine,” Applejack reassured them. She took a deep breath. “I don’t… I don’t mind talkin’ ‘bout it anymore. Strawberry an’ I became friends here an’ then we started datin’. When I had my first recurrence, Strawberry was there for me. An’ I was always there for her.” Applejack rubbed at her foreleg with a sad smile, unable to look at any of the ponies in the eye. “I was a bit luckier, I reckon. I’m better now but…” Her words caught in her throat. “But she’s gone.”

The three ponies looked at each other sadly. “I’m sorry,” Andante offered.

Applejack smiled. “It’s okay. I guess we both knew it was gonna happen before it did, y’know? I’m actually here ‘cause of her. Today’s the fifth year since we first went out. I thought I might finally come to check up on everypony.”

Felix nodded. “I’m sure she’d be happy you came back.”

Snorting, Applejack laughed. “Naw, she hated it here. I did too, though I think it’s only cause we saw it as somethin’ sad,” she admitted. “But I think today’s shown me that… Well, it don’t gotta be sad. I wish we’d seen it that way before.”

Andante offered her a warm smile. “Well, from what I remember, Strawberry was really… happy. So I think she’d be even happier that you found happiness in this place.”

“How many times are you gonna say happy in one sentence?” Raspberry teased. “But he’s right. And frankly, I’m glad you came, Applejack. It’s nice to see someone who’s doing so well. You made me less scared,” she admitted.

The group smiled at each other as they each took a coordinated bite of their baked confection. Applejack had hated being around other ponies like her before. They were reminders of things she’d rather forget but these ponies…

They only reminded her of everything she loved about Strawberry.

Felix prodded Applejack. “Nurse Redheart is calling us back. Are you going to come?”

Applejack glanced at her necklace, then at the all-too-familiar circle of chairs. She took a deep breath and nodded once. “Yeah, I reckon I am.”

Author's Note

I’m not too sure how I feel about this story, but it was definitely an interesting one to write. Think I went a too The Fault In Our Stars with it (though tbh I don’t remember in extreme detail how that one ended).

Uh yeah but idk. I almost didn’t want to have this epilogue be part of the story, but I thought maybe AJ needed some closure. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one.