MY LITTLE [[Pony]] FRIENDSHIP IS KROMER

by WhyDough382

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Mystery, Spike, Suicide / Self Harm, Random, Adventure, Violence, Crossover
Length: 2343

After Spike's reputation is tarnished, he goes into a dark alley, prepared to end his life then and there. But a certain Dealmaker wants to well... make a deal

Ridiculed. Furious. Ashamed. These were only an iota of the feelings coursing through Spike ever since Thorax had fled the Crystal Empire. The young drake tried looking everywhere for the renegade Changeling, even the cliff where they first met. Starting to have...unpleasant thoughts, he considers freeing himself from this life. He then enters a dark alleyway, where not even the former chants of glory, now the cries of disbelief and rage could not echo in his ear. As he sulks closer to the dead end, the nearby dumpster crashes wide open, jumping from it, a strange little man wants to make a deal with him.

(Cover art is not mine, it's by Steampunkfox999 on Reddit)

Published 2021-11-27 23:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-21 15:30:41 UTC

[[$9.99]] LIFE

~~Follow me, and dare to face the unknown, and ponder the question... What If?~~

The Crystal Empire. A land of peace, prosperity, and glistening crystals that would make the Sun envious. No really, Celestia herself kept bargaining for low prices on those diamonds, who can blame her though? The Empire also boasted several of Equestria and beyond's greatest legends and was an oasis of hopes and dreams.

As with any good thing though, every oasis has its gators and parasites, as this isolated(Well, not really anymore) mass of pure love and chivalry is all that stands in its frozen wasteland, as a powerful shadow, one that feeds off of fear lurks in the icy plains, waiting to slaughter those who dare come within range of its cruel maws.

But, that's a story for a later time.

This story won't take place there, the cameraman thinks it's an absolute hell-hole. It will take place in the Crystal Empire, not in the village, but in the castle, as the subject of our story is a young drake, taking a friend with him to see the infant princess-in-line.

You may recall this particular story, with the ending being the lonely changeling finding true friendship. However, the changeling flees, and the drake finds some unexpected help(or burdens) from someone rather... eccentric.

"This place is everything I've ever dreamed of! But I can't keep pretending to be a Crystal Pony forever, can I?" A sky-blue-colored pony whispered to a stout lavender-colored dragon.

"Relax. You're winning them over. Pretty soon, nopony will care that you're a changeling," The petite dragon reassured.

Only a moment later, a pink-maned alicorn strode up to the duo with jubilance, eager to show the dragon's friend the newfoal Empress of the Crystal Empire.

The strawberry-pink alicorn beamed, "Spike! Twilight told me you were off with a friend. And any friend of Spike the Brave and Glorious is a friend of mine."

The dragon nervously chuckled, dreading the every-inching moment his friend's secret was revealed. To an eagle-eyed observer, that would have given away he was hiding something. Princess Cadence was not, much less right now. She led the pair of friends through the castle's ornate halls.

Guards were posted at nearly every nook and cranny of the gleaming fortress. Shining Armor, the ex-Head of the Royal Guard now crowned Emperor, ordered guards to keenly watch every post on the alert that a changeling, Equestria's most hated enemy, was spotted nearby.

Eventually, Spike, Cadence, and the sky-blue newcomer reached the throne room. Inside, there was a large gathering of ponies, the majority being guards and ponies. In fact, there was a surplus of guards in the throne room, all eager to catch an unlucky shapeshifter. Along with them, there was a tiny hot pink crib rocking back and forth.

Cadence and the sky-blue pony strolled over to the crib and he got a good look at the Empire's future empress. The baby alicorn cooed at the sight of the two ponies, excited at the prospect of making a new friend.

Endeared, the blue pony remarked, "Oh, she's so beautiful! There's so much l-love around her...! I... I...!"

Cadence looked confusingly at the pony from his shuddering when suddenly, the pony shifted into a grotesque coal-black insectoid with cyan eyes and transparent wings. Curiously, the insectoid had holes in its legs, implying a fierce battle or accident occurred. The other ponies in the room were astonished by the pony's true form.

"I... I'm so... sorry...! I can't... Can't... stop!" The shapeshifter apologized.

His reassurance was fruitless as one of the ponies, a lavender alicorn telekinetically dragged Spike and barked, "Spike! Get away from the changeling!"

"Wait, no! You don't understand!" Spike responded.

Another pony, an orange unicorn with a night-blue cloak and glasses panicked, "This changeling replaced your friend to get close to the baby! What other explanation could there be?!"

Speechless, Spike attempted to explain the truth, but he dejectedly replied, "I... I don't know."

Gutted to the core, the changeling fled the castle with a legion of guards committedly in pursuit.

Cadence stated with concern, "I hope your friend is okay."

Spike, feeling like a pack of bricks had fallen on him, found no other words to say except, "Yeah... Me too."

Far in the frigid outskirts of town, there was a cliff that overlooked a deep, icy fissure. As you may recall, this was the first place that Spike and Thorax met and the place they reunited. As such, Spike attempted to locate Thorax in his exiled home. In this reality, however, Thorax had fled much, much farther, and therefore, Spike could not find him.

"Thorax! Hello? I just want to apologize! I should have stood up for you... Aw, come on, Thorax! I know you're in here!" Spike hollered next to the fissure.

Seeing and hearing no sign of Thorax, Spike decided to venture closer to the frosty arch they scared each other, or more accurately, Thorax scared Spike.

Spike aimlessly wandered the place, checking every corner.

"Thorax, it's okay, I'm sorry!"

"Thorax, it was just a misunderstanding!"

"Thorax, if this is a joke, it's not funny!"

"Thorax, could you come out please, you're still my friend, aren't you?"

"Aren't you?" The cave echoed.

The barren cold offered no more replies.

Frustrated and hopeless, Spike returned to the Empire. Upon entering the plaza and experiencing its nighttime glow, he noticed that his once glorious statue had been bludgeoned, tarnished, and scorched. It was a formerly valiant, now ridiculed display of the hero that had prevented King Sombra from regaining his remorseless hold on the Crystal Empire. Not a bad likeness, Spike grimly thought.

Wherever he went, ponies that once idolized and cherished Spike had scorned and sometimes even ignored the fallen hero, refusing to make even a glimpse of eye contact. After a long walk, Spike lamented, "What's the point? Everypony that isn't Twilight had always acted as if I never existed. But the one-time anypony acknowledges me, it's to push me away from a friend. At least the Crystal Empire respected me. But now, they despise me."

A cloud of gloominess started to shroud Spike's mind. "Equestria will be better off without me. Hopefully, I can end my life without anypony noticing. I've always been a nopony anyway." Spike glowered.

Later, Spike searched around for an exceptionally sharp crystal in the. It was perfectly pointed for thrusting, with a sharp edge but a larger handle, like an icicle. It was also quite easy to find, as it only took around 10 minutes to search the glimmering expanse as there were a seemingly unlimited plethora of shiny gems.

Ignoring the jeers from the nearby Spike statue(Most likely about him) Spike then walked over to a back alley, constantly watching for anypony to look for him. The alley was inky dark and secretive, perfect for hiding. Despite the voices in his head telling him to not make a deal with the devil, Spike pressed on, eventually reaching a dead end and a dumpster on the right.

Spike then sighed to no one in particular, "Good-bye everypony. Hopefully, I will be valued in the next life."

Spike held the pointed crystal, its ruby features gleaming under the moonlight, ready to thrust it upon its neck.
He jerked it forward and suddenly,

T H U M P

Author's Note

*Looks like someone is about to become a [[Big Shot]].

*You wonder why there aren't any other Deltarunefics yet.

*Click the banana.

🍌

Turn the volume all the way up for maximum POTASSIUM :)

[[Specil Offer]]

The dumpster's opening flew up and out popped an ivory-colored man with slicked-back hair, eye-glasses, jet black clothes, and rosy red cheeks(However those simply looked painted on). He looked similar to a salesman from the 80s. His glasses had mismatched tints, the left lens being mustard yellow, and the right lens being coral-colored. He also looked vaguely like a puppet and had a large smile that made Spike uneasy for some reason.

"HEY EVERY !! IT'S ME!!! EV3RY BUDDY 'S FAVORITE [[Number 1 Rated Salesman2012]] SPAMT SPAMTON G. SPAMTON!!!" The man shouted in a sleazy but attention-grabbing voice while twitching repeatedly. Spike wasn't sure if that glee was genuine or just naturally forced. He didn't care, either way, so he decided to turn around to go to another alley.

However, it wasn't long before Spamton quickly caught some movement out of the corner of his eye and exclaimed, "WOAH!! IF IT ISN'T..." Spamton flipped down from the dumpster with admirable finesse and continued, "[[The Legendary Hero]]! HE-Y HE Y HEY!!!" Spamton inched toward Spike with each syllable until he was face to face with Spike. Spamton then aggressively shook Spike's hand. Spike thought his arm was going to get flung sky-high. When Spike turned around to look at Spamton, he was astonished that Spamton was just as tiny, if not a little shorter than him.

"LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE [[All Alone On A Late Night?]] ALL YOUR FRIENDS, [[Abandoned you for the slime]] YOU ARE? SALES, GONE DOWN THE [[Drain]][[Drain]]?? LIVING IN A GOD[[$@&^]] GARBAGE CAN???" Spamton ranted overdramatically.

Right after his monologue, he punched his dumpster for no apparent reason. The dumpster had dents all over it, implying this Spamton character was not to be trifled with. Spike realized that all of the things that Spamton noted seemingly applied to well, Spamton himself.

So he internally chuckled, the first time ever since Thorax disappeared. Suddenly recalling that event, he noticed that the traits applied to himself as well, minus the living in a dumpster part, though his Spike action figure toy line did get canceled. So, he decided to listen to this strange little man, although his instincts already shot off several red flags about Spamton.

"WELL HAVE I GOT A [[Specil Deal]] FOR LONELY [[Hearts]] LIKE YOU!!" Spamton swiftly turned around and somehow got himself in front of a jump-scared Spike. "You do?" Spike shakily replied. "OF COURSE MY [[Valued]] CUSTOMR!!" Spamton continued bellowing, "IF YOU [[Lost Control of Your Life]] THEN YOU JUST GOTTA GRAB IT BY THE [[Silly Strings]] WHY BE THE [[Little Lizard]] WHO HATES ITS [[3 bits]] LIFE WHEN YOU CAN BE A
[[BIG SHOT!!!]]

[[BIG SHOT!!!!]]

[[BIG SHOT!!!!!]]"

"Oh come on! I'm a dragon! Why does nopony get that right?" Spike disdainfully said after recovering from Spamton's outburst.

However, Spamton ignored that comment and continued, "THAT'S RIGHT!! NOW'S YOUR CHANCE TO BE A [[BIG SHOT]]!! AND I HAVE JUST. THE THING. YOU NEED."

Spamton rigidly inched closer to Spike as he said those words. Spike, trying to back away for the sake of personal space, asked, "What is it?" Spamton chortled in response, "IT'S [[Elementary, My Dear Watson]]. THAT'S [[Hyperlinked Blocked]]. YOU WANT IT. YOU WANT [Hyperlinked Blocked]], TO HAVE THE [[Ability]] TO MAKE YOUR OWN [[Acquaintances]] FREE OF CHARGE, DON'T YOU."

Spike was slightly confused. What was this "hyperlinked blocked?" What did it mean? Why can't he just speak normally? Who or what was "blocking" Spamton's ability to speak properly and for what reason? Why did he call him Watson?

Before Spike could ask anything, Spamton interjected, "WELL HAVE I GOT A DEAL FOR YOU!! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHOW ME YOUR [[HeartShapedObject]]." Spike queried, "Heart-shaped object?" Spamton ignored Spike yet again, "YOU'RE CRYsTAL HERO< AREN'T YOU? YOU'VE GOT THE [[Heroics]]. WHY DON'T YOU [[Show it off?]]"

Spamton then flailed around and made a laugh that would make a Dragon Lord tremble in fear, assuming they weren't already creeped out by this...this THING. Spike gulped, realizing that this was possibly a terrible, terrible mistake. And he was no Dragon Lord.

Spike regained his composure as if it were outside intervention, and even he was surprised that he was not cowering in fear. As he stood his ground, he suddenly had a random thought, "DON'T YOU WANNA BE A BIG SHOT?" He shooed it off, thinking it was because he already spent too much time with Spamton.

Suddenly, what looked like a light pink heart materialized in front of Spike. Before Spike could focus on it any further, Spamton obviously noticed it too, as he cried out, "HEY HEY HEY! I'VE NEVER SEEN A [HeartShapedObject] LIKE THAT BEFORE!! MY EYES ARE [[Burning]] LIKE [[Knockoff books at Half-pr1ce!]] I HAVE A VERY SPECIL [Deal] FOR YOU KID!"

Spamton then enlarged his already freaky head and started inhaling Spike's soul. "Oh no! Nonononono!" Spike pulled it away before it could be destroyed. The rattled drake then turned to see what looked like pure white coins the size of Spike's soul also being inhaled in Spamton's enormous maw. Spike was able to dodge most of the projectiles, with a few grazing his face.

"AHHHHH! Mother of Celestia! It burns!" Spike shrieked in pain.

"ARE YOU BURNING LIKE [Acid!] SPENT TOO MUCH TIME IN THE SSUN AND IT MAKES YOU WANT TO [[Commit die]]? THEN BUY SPAMTON'S OINTMENT AND SKIN [Tear] LOTION PACKAGE FOR -1 EASY PAYMENTS of 1982-"

"J-Just tell me more about this deal please!" Spike wanted to get whatever the Tartarus this was out of here in one piece, so he wanted to quickly end it.

"THAT'S THE ATTITUDE YOU LITTLE [Slime]! DEALS LIKE THIS ONLY COME ONCE IN YOUR [[Ant-sized]] [[Rapidly-shrinking]] LIFE!!" Spamton chimed.

"Ok then, let's talk about it!" Spike stated.

"NO CAN DO, [Pardner] TO BECOME THE CREAM OF THE CREAM OF THE [[System Error]], YOU'VE GOT TO STOP AND SMELL THE [[Capitialism]] SO BUCKLE UP, KIDS, WE'RE GOING ON A ROAD [Wreck]!" Spamton erractically remarked.

Crud, this guy is determined. He's not going to let me leave that easily, Spike thought. So, I won't give up either!

To be [[Sustained]]

Author's Note

For those of you who don't want to delve into Undertale AUs, Spike's SOUL trait is Innocence from Comic's fanmade SOUL traits in Voxistale. No, I'm not advertising it. It barely exists, as my several Google searches can vouch for me :P