My Little Badger: The violence has escalated

by aegishailstorm

Rating: teen
Tags: Violence, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Thriller, Comedy, King Sombra, Profanity, Random
Length: 1683

TheRussianbadger and his team of morons get a special assignment...

King Sombra has just taken Canterlot, Twilight and her friends have been scattered, and The Royal sisters have been imprisoned. Sombra thought he had destroyed any possibility of resistance, clearly, he didn't Think twice about it. And whenever TheRussianbadger is given a task, you'd better believe he'll accomplish it, no matter how insane it seems or how extreme his methods...

A one shot parody based off of theRussianbadger and his cohorts shenanigans.

Published 2021-11-14 00:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-14 00:40:00 UTC

Hello, we're here to make you miserable!

King Sombra entered the throne room of Canterlot and sat down on his brand new throne, gazing out on his new kingdom.
Twilight and her friends were trapped deep with a cave in the everfree forest, Luna, Celestia, and Cadence had been imprisoned, and their magic neutralized.

"At last, Equestria is mine, and honestly, It wasn't that hard!" He chuckled to himself. All the while, Faust, the creator of this universe watched on in horror.

"It wasn't supposed to go like this! Think Faust think, how do you get rid of him?" She looked over at her computer. And it hit her.

"Ah yes, Therussianbadger, He's so over the top, he might just be able to stop Sombra!"She teleported away from her extradimensional room. She appeared in front of a Café on earth. She could hear yelling coming from inside.

"Well, here they are I suppose. I hope they agree."

Meanwhile...

TheRussianbadger and his 3 friends, Heavenly, Geuce, and Grouse where sitting around a table in the corner of the restaurant, fumbling over a menu.

"Hey Badger, I think we should get some fondue, Evreyone ok with that?" Heavenly stood up.

"Ah hell no! Remember last time?It took months to get the bullets and the cheese out of the walls. How about steak?"

"Yeah, your right, waitress!" Faust trotted inside, and looked around, she saw that the restaurant was mostly empty, with the exception of a few people here and there, now staring at her. She scanned the room, and spotted them, a soldier in all black combat gear, one in white armor, on in red, and one in green, with a massive helmet. They appeared to be laughing at one another.

"Ahh, that must be them." She trotted over to them.

"Hello there, Are you theRussianbadger? I need your help." They all stopped yelling at one another, and turned to face her.

"Uh, guys I think we had to much to drink, the hallucinations are back. "

"No, I'm quite real." Heavenly dropped his knife. And Geuce coughed up his water.

"Uh, Badger? The horse is asking for you."

"MFFFF what do you want?" The soldier in back armor swallowed his appetizer and turned to face her.

"First of all, I'm not a horse, I'm an alicorn, a lot of people make that mistake when they first meet me. There's a place that I need you to save , its called Equestria, perhaps you've heard of it before?"

"Hmmmmm, ah yes, it's from that kids show... My little pony right?" She nodded.

"You can't be serious." She sighed.

"This happens every time. I am serious."

"Oh, Well in that case, lead the way, GROUSE. GRAB THE CAMERA!"

"Don't you want more information?"

"Give it to us on the way." The 4 of them got up out of their seats. And ran towards the exit.

"I think this may have been a bad idea."

Serval hours later...

Badger, Geuce, Heavenly, and Grouse peaked their heads out of a bush which they had been hiding in. They looked off into the distance.
"Faust told us to be on the lookout for a city called "Canterlot."Does anyone in chat know where that is?" Badger looked at the camera.

"Ah, thanks, they say its about 8ish miles north of here." They piled into a jeep, and drove off laughing like maniacs.

King Sombra looked out over his newly acquired kingdom. And smiled. Wait what was that? He saw flashes of light on the horizon, and the flashes were getting closer.

"So, anyway Grouse, The audience has been asking, what's your favorite pony?" Grouse scowled back at Badger.

"Badger, what the hell?"

"What, was it something I said?"

"Hey look, there's that city that Faust was talking about!" The 4 of them sped off towards Canterlot. Weapons drawn.
Sombra turned back to gaze out onto his new throne room when he heard a piecing scream ring out across the city.

"BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKER!!!" Badger and his friends crashed into one of Sombra's soldiers, splatting the poor mindcontroled earth pony like a pancake.

"So, What was that about stealth Geuce?"

"Oh shut up!" Bolts of energy flew toward the team.

"Grouse! Incoming!"

"I see 'em Badger!" He drew an M32 grenade launcher and returned fire. The bolts struck their jeep.

"What the, these don't even hurt!"

"Faust really overexaggerated when she said we'd have a hard time here!" They kept on driving towards the city.

"What even is this?"Sombra looked on in confusion and horror.

"No matter."

A flurry of black crystals emerged from the ground and tore their jeep in half.

"What was that about "Hard"?" They jumped out of the burning wreck of their vehicle and charged the enemy lines.

"What are those things doing?"Sombra asked himself, He had seen many strange things over the course of his long life, but this was among the strangest. These things were charging his army, and... they where winning. He turned over to the paralyzed form of Celestia.

"What do you know about this!?" She simply lay there, motionless. It wasn't out of some act of defiance, but rather out of confusion, she was just as confused as Sombra was. He ordered his army to charge Badger and his friends. His army was in turn met with a wall of bullets. One unicorn got close enough for heavenly to grab her. He crushed her helmet under his power armor clad hands, the pony underneath opened its eyes, and blinked.

"Wa- What happened? WHO ARE YOU!?"

"What do you mean, you were trying to kill us a moment ago!" The mare just shook her head.

"Badger, STOP FIRING!!!, I think they're being mind controlled!"

"Oh, really? Well if we stop firing, they'll kill us!" A massive black crystal shot up from the ground at Badgers feet, he rolled out of the way.

"I think the crystals are coming from up there. He pointed up at The royal castle, now covered in black crystalline formations."

"You heard him!" The team charged past the approaching army and up towards the castle.

"Guards, stop them!" All of a sudden, everything went quiet, the gunfire stopped.

"Where did they go!?" Sombra franticly looked around the throne room, all of a sudden a small black canister dropped down from the ceiling.

"What is this?" It exploded, illuminating the entire room in a bright flash of light.

"AHHHHH!! What is this!? This isn't magic!" When the blindness finally went from his eyes, he found those same strange creatures standing in the middle of the room, pointing strange looking black sticks at him. A crystal shot out towards them. However, one of the strange creatures raised their weird sticks, and a projectile flew out of it. Shattering the crystal that Sombra had intended to dispose of them with.

"Lets have it for common military hardware!" The 4 of them let out a cheer.

"Lets see I you will still feel the same way after I'm done with you!" his eyes lit up green.

"What do you think he's trying to do?"

"I don't know, keep shooting?" The 4 of them raised their weapons and opened fire on Sombra. To their surprise, the bullets merely passed through him. However, he still collapsed on the ground.

"B- But how!? You don't have any fear in you!" The 4 of them let out a malicious cackle.

"Yo, shut the fuck up with that dumb shit!" Heavenly fell to the ground in a fit of laughter.

"What is it that you find so funny?"

"Well quite simple, you tried to read our minds, don't you realize you're at OUR mercy, not the other way around!?" The Teams eyes flashed red at the same time, and a javelin anti tank missile appeared in Grouses hand.

"Bullets don't work on you, lets see if antitank rounds do!!"

"What's an "anti-tank round"? "

"Well." Said Grouse, "You're about to find out!!!" He raised the launcher to his shoulder and was about to pull the trigger when Twilight and the other elements came barging through the destroyed doors of the throne room.

"Sombra, you-" The six stopped and took a second to look around, instead of the shadow form of Sombra staring them down. They Instead found him on the ground, surrounded by 4 bipedal creatures, all of them clutching strange black sticks in their appendages and eyes glowing red.

Geuce, turned around and nudged badger on the shoulder.

"Hey, Badger, look who showed up." He looked behind them to see the main six, elements lit.

"Wow, what great timing you have, this guy's ours by the way." Badger gave the signal and Grouse blasted Sombra straight in the face with a round from his javelin, when the dust cleared, he was nowhere to be found. They looked around to see that the black crystals were gone.

"Oh, wouldn't ya know it? That worked!" They gave each other a collective high five, and looked back at the six just in time to have a blast of rainbow colored light to hit them straight in the face.

"What where those things?" Applejack asked as they floated back down to the ground.

"I don't know, but they're gone now, and so is king Sombra." Responded Twilight.

Badger and his friends found themselves crashing though the roof of Faust's interdimensional house.

"Owww, What hit us?" Asked badger, rubbing his head in pain.

"I don't know, But next time I see a rainbow, I'm mag dumping it!" Faust looked around at the jumbled mess that was the 4 soldiers.

"Since you're back, I take it you accomplished what I asked you to do?"

"Yes we did, and those 'Ponies' repaid us by blasting us with fucking rainbows!!!"

"Oh, I suppose I forgot to mention the element's of harmony to you. Oh well, to late now."

"Where's our reward lady?" Grouse asked.

"Uhh...."The white and red alicorn stuttered.

"Oh boy... Heavenly, grab the magic proof handcuffs. Grouse, shut the windows." He shut off the camera.

"We're going to be here a while."