Derpy Hooves VS Ronald McDonald

by n3k1dsk1llz

Rating: everyone
Tags: Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1120

Derpy stops by the arches for some breakfast

Derpy decides to try the new restaurant in town for breakfast on her way to work. She's sorely disappointed by what she orders.

Published 2021-11-17 02:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-17 02:00:00 UTC

That's Not A Muffin

Derpy woke up from yet another nightmare. Her dreams were beginning to feel more and more real every night, especially the nightmares. She didn’t know why they felt like nightmares, honestly. They were just dreams about her expecting to be given a muffin and instead she’s given a weird sandwich with egg and cheese. A mild annoyance, at best, but in her dream she’s completely terrified of it. She can never quite put her hoof on why.

She shrugged off her thoughts and began getting ready for the day. She got a quick shower and brushed out her mane. She brushed her teeth and rushed out the door, opting to stop for some breakfast on the way to work. It had been a while since she had done that and she really didn’t feel like doing any dishes this morning.

She decided to stop at a new place that had just opened up. The building had two giant yellow arches on top of a bright red roof. It was so bright and cheerful, Derpy was excited to give it a try. She landed and opened up the door, her snout instantly assaulted by the smell of burning grease. She gagged slightly and nearly turned to leave, but the sight of a restaurant full of ponies enjoying their morning caused her to second guess herself. If this many ponies were enjoying the food here, it must be pretty good, right?

She got in line and surveyed the menu. Well, she tried to. Her walleye kept distracting her by showing her the happy faces of other ponies. But even with that, she caught the word on the menu. The word that was exactly what she wanted. The word that was usually what she wanted, if she were to be completely honest with herself. So when she got to the counter, she looked at the pony in the red and yellow striped shirt and ordered with complete confidence.

“I’ll have a muffin, please.”

The young mare pressed a button on the register, “That’ll be three bits, please.”

Derpy hoofed over the money and took her receipt. She closed one eye to make sure she could focus on her number...65. She trotted to the side and waited for her food, listening to the slight din. She heard foals laughing with their parents. She heard friends chatting about their plans for the day. She heard her number being called.

“Number 65!”

Derpy hurried over to the impatient sounding clerk and thanked her for her order. She eyed the yellow wrapper suspiciously. It didn’t look like any muffin she had ever ordered before. It was...flatter. She sat at a table and unwrapped it, her shrinking smile fading into a frown. This wasn’t a muffin. She picked it up and looked at it. It was some sort of weird bread with stuff in it. It was a sandwich, not a muffin. She sniffed it and gave it a lick. Definitely not a muffin. She picked up her tray and walked back up to the counter. After catching somepony’s attention, she made her case.

“I’m sorry. I ordered a muffin and they gave me this...thing. Could I give this back to you and get a muffin, please?”

Without even looking at what she was holding, the mare behind the counter blurted, “Can I see your receipt, please.”

Derpy handed her the receipt and the worker snatched it away, causing her to flinch. The worker looked at the receipt and then at what Derpy was holding. “That’s what you ordered. A McMuffin.”

Derpy stared at the mare across from her for a few seconds, causing the worker to grow even more annoyed. Finally finding her voice, “But, I ordered a muffin.”

The worker let out an exasperated sigh. “No. You ordered a McMuffin. It’s right here on the receipt.” She waved the paper in Derpy’s face.

Derpy found herself growing annoyed with this pony in front of her. She placed the sandwich on the counter and kept her voice nice. “Well I don’t want this sandwich. Please take it back and return my bits.”

The mare behind the counter threw her head back, “UGH. Fine. Wait here.” She turned and trotted into the back.

Soon a creature walked out from the back of the restaurant. It was big, bipedal, and boisterous. It sauntered up to the counter and looked down at Derpy from it’s seven foot tall stature. It moved its giant red lips. “What seems to be the problem today?”

All Derpy could do was stare. The creature was so grotesque that both her eyes easily focused on it. It had a wild, unkempt red mane. Its face was completely white, save for those freakishly large red lips in a perpetual grin. Its yellow jumpsuit sported red and white striped sleeves capped off with matching yellow gloves. Derpy took it all in then tilted her head back to gaze into its beady black eyes. “I...um...would like my bits back, please. I don’t want this sandwich. I wanted a muffin.”

The creature flailed its arms up to the ceiling, “That is a muffin little filly. It's my scrumptious Egg McMuffin. Breakfast of champions!”

Derpy cleared her throat. “I’d like my bits back please.”

The creature dropped its arms. “Okay, little pony.” The creepy smile almost ceased to be as the creature went to the register and pulled out three bits. It handed the money to Derpy who took it and put it away.

“Thank you, um…”

“Ronald. Ronald McDonald. I’m sorry you didn’t like our food. Do come back and try something else another time.”

Derpy smiled at the creepy creature. “Okay. Maybe for lunch. You are right next door to the post office.”

“OH!” The exclamation made Derpy jump back slightly. “You work at the post office? Why didn’t you say so? Postal workers get a special discount at our restaurant. Hang on, let me get you a card.” The creature turned and headed into the back of the restaurant. Derpy followed him back with her eye and noticed socks that matched his sleeves and giant red shoes. Why was he wearing such strange clothes?

He soon came back with an even bigger and creepier smile. He placed a card in her hands and said, “There you go. Our special Postal Worker Discount Card. Good for one free drink anytime you come in.”

Derpy looked at the card, then back up at the creepy creature, “Thank you! Maybe I’ll see you at lunch.”

Ronald smiled, his giant lips spreading out beyond his face. “I would like that very much.”

Author's Note

I hope you all enjoyed this wonderful idea I had.