"Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to exit the doughnut."

by Smashed Tapes

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Avengers, Princess Luna, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Profanity, Adventure
Length: 1058

Agent Luna and Director Celestia meet up with an obnoxious genius in order to get their help with an upcoming threat.

Agent Luna and Director Celestia of SHIELD find and talk to the obnoxious billionaire genius in the middle of a mental spirial known as Starlight Glimmer, or also known as Iron Woman. The two women in question need to somehow sort out this hero's downward spiral and get them ready for a larger threat to the earth.

MCU-Ish one shot?? Will absolutely make more if people are into this. World based off the MCU with personal changes made here and there. One shot based off Iron Man 2.

Published 2021-11-17 09:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-17 09:50:00 UTC

Threats

The sleek, black car slowly pulled into the parking lot of one Randy’s Doughnuts. Agent Luna sighed and looked at their boss.

“Ma’am….are you sure this is a good idea? We already know they’re….well not the ideal person to turn to even at the best of times, and our intel suggests that they’re….not exactly in the best headspace for this.”

Director Celestia unbuckled their seatbelt and rolled her eye.

“We always knew that this was going to be….tricky. And that threat isn’t going to wait around until we’re ready, so we’re gonna have to start from somewhere.”

The two of them exited the car, Director Celestia stopping and looking up at the large fake doughnut used to advertise the store. Inside the doughnut sat one Iron Woman, or Starlight Glimmer, in her high tech armour just eating away at a large box of doughnuts. Celestia shrugged before walking up and placing her hands on her hips.

“Ma’am! I’m gonna have to ask you to exit the doughnut!”

Starlight lowered her sunglasses down at the sight of the Director.

“Didn’t I already say no to your little ‘super friends’ project?”

Starlight sipped her coffee and winced, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Avengers project, and I don’t think you have much choice.”

The billionaire scoffed before taking another sip of her drink.

“Oh I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware that you were actually the boss of me.”

Luna sighed and quickly pinched Starlight’s neck with a needle.

“Fucking! Ow! What was- woah woah what was that?”

Starlight blinked, her thoughts becoming much more clearer as the sharp pain in her head went away as Celestia leaned in.

“Think of it as extreme coffee, Glimmer, we need you in top shape for this.”

“What, you cure my hangover and all of a sudden I’m meant to just roll over and follow? What are you even doing here anyway?”

Luna retrieved a folder from her bag and placed it on the table, Starlight taking a moment to look at it.

“....I don’t like being handed things.”

“What you will find in there, Glimmer, are reports of energy spikes out by the west coast, like nothing we’ve seen before.”

Giving in, Starlight slowly picked up the folder and examined it. Energy readings far beyond anything human, strange reports such as gravity changing and what appeared to be brown rain.

“W-What’s this, toxic rain?”

“Chocolate milk, actually. Our tests confirmed it.”

The tech genius looked up in surprise, before placing the folder back down.

“Okay so, what exactly is this?”

“We believe it to be a threat, we have a….let’s say contact out in the stars, and everything happening here could be a sign of something much, much worse coming.”

“You saying it’s what, aliens?”

“Aliens, beings from another universe, magic, it could be one or all of these things, Glimmer.”

She sighed, thinking to herself for a moment.

“Alright….let’s say….that it is something like that. What do you possibly have to fight that?”

Luna placed several folders on the table, Starlight eyeing the pile.

“Okay so, I’m not reading all that, at least not right now. So here’s what we’re going to do-”

“-Glimmer what we’re going to do is-”

“-Hey, I’m talking. Rude. Anyways, I’m just gonna skim and uh, blue hair can give me the TLDR.”

Luna shrugged at her boss, before Celestia sat back and let the two of them talk.

“Alright, first one, oh he looks mean, and uh, very green.”

“That would be Doctor Fluttershy.”

“H-Hang on Doctor Fluttershy? The gamma researcher? Her work advanced the field by, like, ten years. What….what the fuck happened?”

“Gamma, funnily enough. Giant reactor accident, and which caused….that to happen. She’s been on the run ever since.”

“I don’t know how happy she’ll be with you tracking her down just so you can use her as a big, green gun.”

“We’re not, she’ll be helping to track down and understand the threat.”

“....Alright then….”

She turned the page, and laughed at what she saw.

“Who did you convince to dress up like Captain Canterlot?”

“Captain Canterlot.”

“....You’re joking.”

“Nope, found her in the ice about a year ago, she survived.”

“....I’m sure dad would have been happy about that.”

Turning to the next page, she wasn’t quite sure what she was looking at.

“That’s some….colourful hair.”

“Rainbow Dash, also known by her title; Thor.”

“....Thor? Like, that thor?”

“Yes.”

“Damn, where did you drag her up?”

“Space. The hammer that fell to earth two months ago? That was hers.”

“....Okay, wouldn’t have guessed that.”

Starlight opened the final file.

“Note before you open that, we most likely won’t get her help.”

Starlight eyed Luna before opening and reading what was inside.

“The Black Panther?”

“Princess Rarity of Wakanda. We’ve been trying to reach her to help, but our efforts have been in vain so far.”

She downed her drink before looking at the two of them.

“Look, this all seems….well fun isn’t the word I’d use. But we don’t even know if there even is a threat.”

“Glimmer, face the facts, there’s a lot of smoke outside, and you’re gonna sit there, eating doughnuts, telling me that there’s no fire?”

Director Celestia and Agent Luna stood up from their seats.

“You have 24 hours before we’ll send for someone to pick you up….I suggest you have a shower before that.”

“Wait wait hang on, I never said I was all of a sudden on board with all this.”

“Well, Glimmer, looks like you have a choice to make: Are you going to sit back and let the others do the fighting, or are you going to be Iron Woman, and actually do some good? Your choice.”

The two of them walked out, leaving Starlight there with the files. She stared at them, before sighing, collecting them and stepping outside as she watched them drive off.

“Alright, let’s see what’s going on.”

Her suit's helment covered her head.

"Alright....gotta make a call.....uh hi, Sunburst? Yeah, start up Pinkie for me, I got a new project I'm taking home."

Author's Note

Hiya again! Instead of doing something like this, getting halfway through and then dropping it, I figured to do a small start and see what the reactions are!
I have so many ideas. Lemme know your thoughts below!