The Anti-Friendship Lesson

by Ezekiel Namuh

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Adventure
Length: 38185

A depressed, anti-social teen recently turned brony is somehow transported into the land of Equestria, which he'll hopefully grow to love now that he's fending for his life.

Ty is sick of life on Earth. In a small town where everyone else has friends, hobbies, and a place to belong, he has no clue what he should be doing. Only finding one thing he can do reliably, screw up, most people generally don't like him, earning him some rivals.

When he decided he could be a brony, he gives Friendship Is Magic a shot to help his depression. While he enjoyed it, it didn't seem to work. But when a field trip turned otherworldly transportation brings him to Equestria, the neurotic coward must find a way to survive in a world that works the opposite of how he does.

Published 2021-12-13 04:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2024-11-15 15:03:48 UTC

Wait, the end is the beginning?

"What is your problem?"

This is normal, apparently. Caden is being a massive pain in the neck by pelting me right in my head with M&M's from Miss A's trail mix he's allowed to have for who knows what reason.

"Hey settle down you two! I'm sick of everyone in this room acting like this," Miss A. shouted, not noticing my glare. Our teacher's a tall, dark and blonde haired woman. She's nice enough, but she's a little worn-down from dealing with my classmates. I can get where she's coming from, between everyone else's social needs and the bus coming for the field trip in 4 minutes, it sounded even louder than normal somehow.

My school was built like the internet. If you have social skills, you're set, that's all you need. And if you don't, you fade into obscurity until you do something to get made fun of again. I rest somewhere nearing the bottom.

I was the only one at the bottom.

If you had something you could do, chances are, someone else did it too. The sporty guys formed a massive alliance mostly everyone else resented. Popular girls, nerdy kids, people who liked 'adult' jokes (Most of the guys), and even more niche ones like Brody, a kid with height to rival my own and the hair to match, who fit in and had friends simply because he could take a joke and everyone else sure could think of some. He replaced me as the weird kid at the merge two years ago.

Once we reached 6th grade, three of the biggest schools in the county joined together to form WHHS, which is much smaller than you'd think. The school offered a variety of physical activities, football, basketball, FFA, track, even golf. And the mental activities? No. None at all.

I had never been the type to enjoy physical stuff. Maybe that's why I couldn't deal with Caden, that blonde-haired jock who always wore the same red hooded sweatshirt. Then again I basically wear the same dark blue and red-striped hooded jacket and light gray sweatpants everyday. It's not like I had a knack for anything mental either. Or useful.

I tried stuff. Baseball didn't work, and that was pretty much the only one of the things I'll mention that I did voluntarily. I told my parents I could see from a mile away track that cross-country won't work, yet they won't listen. They claim I'll be good just because I've "got long legs." Same thing with basketball. They all assume I'll be good at it just because I'm tall. Now we just need sports where having short-minded people surrounding you and a screwed-up head are apparently all you need to succeed and I'll be set. Sure, people say I'm smart, and I'm smarter than I give myself credit for, but they only think that since I don't interact with others much. And that's why I felt the need to have something of my own.

BBRRRIIIIIIIIIIINNNGG

Out of time, I slowly started down with my lunch my mother had made in a rush while she was on the phone with our neighbor, Zach.

He was one of the reasons I settled on what I wanted to be. A brony. Him, and depression.

I had a feeling now me and him were the only ones in the entire state. While depression was a bit more... complex. When I first learned Zach was a brony, I didn't think much of it. Then I thought more and it began to make sense. My peers and even my own family were convinced I was depressed at this point, so maybe a happy-go-lucky show (excluding the apparent cult I had heard about from Zach) like Friendship Is Magic could help lift my spirits, the friendship part specifically as the only real social concept I had grasped so far was basic, general manipulation. It didn't.

Not to say it was bad, I enjoyed it, but it didn't really help. Really it made me more jealous than optimistic. Did I mention I'm depressed? I've accepted it at this point. Maybe it'll change after the scattered parts of the first two seasons I've seen, as I had barely made a dent in season three. I knew there would be a time I would tell someone about the decision I made about it a few months ago, but for now no one else knew.

"How d'you feel 'bout the field trip?" I looked over(and down) at Samuel, making eye contact with his short, brownish-blonde hair. I didn't need to think long about my answer.

"I think that, for our one field trip per year, we're a little old to spend it on a circus."

"You do?" Samuel asked, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"Well, only in age. Maturity-wise, you're perfect, " I said, getting a short chuckle as a response.

"Yeah, that makes sense," He responded. "So who are you paired up with for the ride? I'm with Payten."

"Firstly, it makes sense for all of you," I said. "Second of all, lucky you, I'm stuck with Caden," I added with a grunt.

"He's not too bad once you know him. And get past him kind of assaulting you back in the science room."

"Trust me, I know him well enough already," I told him, slightly grimacing as I did so.

We had finally reached the commons and with it the exit to the school. Shifting my black backpack of random stuff for the 4 hours on the bus, I looked around for my assigned partner. Finding him with his usual friend group that I obviously wasn't a part of and probably had a good ten people in it, I walked over.

"Alright everyone!" Everyone's eyes shifted over to the source of the announcement. "We're about to start getting people on the bus, and then we'll be on our way," came from Mr. Peterson, our high school's principal.

"Yeah, on our way after we've been ready for ten minutes." I turned around and met Edward, who looked quite a bit like me.

"At least you'll be spending the 4 hours on the bus with Zackary," I retorted to one of the more tolerable people here.

"Sorry you have to be with Caden," he told me. I think he was just feeling sorry for me, seeing how grumpy I was acting (And usually acted). But it was kind of hard to focus on that when light was glinting off parts of his dull green coat.

"It's fine," I replied uncomfortably. Unsure of why Samuel or Edward had talked to me in the first place, I was glad to hear kids being escorted to the 3 or 4 buses outside. I had never done well with social interactions, not like I was shy. I just didn't like the way it often worked out for me. Or doing it in general. At least Edward and Zackary I could put up with, as I could tell they were in a similar situation. Only vaguely.

With that out of the way, the only thing to do was actually get on the bus. We headed out the front doors and turned right past a small bronze statue that had nothing to do with our school in particular, not even our mascot. Just two kids on a bench while one of them reads. I would have preferred another actual bench. Our school was filled with this kind of stuff, murals, trophy cases, photographs, the works. You'd never see me in any of it.

Slowly we found ourselves gradually filing into the third and final bus. They looked exactly the same as every other school bus you might have seen in a movie, just sitting there in the cold you would normally find in late November. Good thing I brought my toque.

Caden managed to separate himself from his amalgamation of a friend group and made his way over to me. We shared the look on our faces that roughly translated to, "Alright, let's get this over with."

"Alright, let's get this over with," Caden confirmed. Once we got there, he was just going to go and hold hands with Amelia or whatever people do in a romantic relationship.

"You said it," I returned. Now all we had to figure out was where we were actually going to go. It doesn't really do us a lot of good to stick with an assigned partner if we aren't assigned anywhere.

Our school does this sometimes. They'll do something, but won't actually give a good reason for doing it. I doubt they have one most of the time. Change for the sake of change, I guess.

The inside of the bus was exactly as you would expect from looking at the outside, average and boring. The only real thing to do was talk with friends (I'm sorry, who?) or do something with your own stuff. Luckily I had my own stuff to spend the time on. Inside my backpack were a few things to spend the time on, all of which collectively felt like they weigh more than they probably should. A small puzzle made of a string of cubes, a couple of books, and a small music player with earbuds.

I had only gotten that last one recently for my birthday a few months ago. On it was a bunch of songs no one here would easily recognize, either because I have different tastes in music, or because it's from MLP. They'd certainly recognize where it's from though.

As it turns out, Edward was right. There was little to do while the bus driver did... something. Might as well start reading these books. Rather do that than listen to swears being repeated over and over. Finally, we started moving.

After we were actually going I quickly found myself struggling to find a way to keep myself occupied. I finished my books in twenty minutes, and the puzzle wore out it's welcome in two. I figured the music should be enough to keep me company. More than the guy on my right at least.

10 more minutes of staring out the window and I felt Chaos King was getting a bit old, so I looked down at the device to see what I had put on it next.

'This Day Aria'. Ah yes, a classic. One of the main reasons I got into things was it's music. Same is true for MLP. It's not my favorite style, but I've gotta give credit where it's due...

"Whatcha' listenin' to?"

My head jerked up. I tried to do something, but all I could do was watch Caden pull the music box out of my hand.

"Wai-"

RUMBLE

The earth felt like it jerked to the left two feet, leaving the bus behind. I felt a slight tilt.

And then nothing.

Author's Note

Take what you read with a grain of salt. I'm not a great writer, to put it extremely mildly.

Utter confusion

'Ow. What happened? Well, I can say two things for sure. One, my neck really hurts. Two, I can't tell if my eyes are open or closed. Everything feels weird, out of place, mangled.'

"Huh," I thought out loud, managing to actually sit up. Vision returning somehow, as if I had been hit by a flashbang, I noticed a few things. One of them being that I wasn't in a bus anymore, but instead a forest. This one much darker than any other one I remember though. What did happen?

Oh, right, I was dealing with Caden. At least I don't have amnesia, though that doesn't mean I understand what's happened to me. Did the bus crash? Is this purgatory? I'm definitely not getting to heaven now. I can't tell right now anyway, so all that's left is speculation. The bus probably just crashed, sending me out the window and into these woods. Hopefully if I do have any injuries, they aren't major. Doesn't mean I shouldn't check. I started to get up...

Only to fall flat to the ground.

"What the?" I said, trying to rub my face with my hand to see if I had something wrong with me before abruptly freezing and widening my eyes. I might have a few things wrong. Or flat-out missing.

"Dear Lord."

"Hey, look Ed!"

"What do you want sis?" I replied.

"Your little 'episode' is on TV!"

"Oh." It had been two days since the incident in question. Most of it had been spent on video games with Zackary (Different Zack, Ty's friend is Zach. People having the same name is the best, no wonder it never happens in fiction), while the rest was going over the crash with my parents.

'BHHS school bus crashes, breaking the door, stop arm, and windows.' The headline distracted me from my sister's babbling, though one line in particular stood out.

"And you would have had so much fun on that trip. You would've had fun with Zack, and Ty, and..." It made me wince to hear that name, causing her to stop. "What's wrong, Eddy? Is something wrong with Zack?"

"No, it's just... Ty."

"What's the deal with Ty?"

"They couldn't find him."

I stared, slack-jawed, at something I couldn't quite say was my hand. After all, it didn't feel, look, or function like my hand. Instead, I saw a pure white stub on both my former arms.

"Ah, come on!" I exclaimed, slamming one into the ground.

CLOP

"Wait a minute, these are hooves!" I near-shouted. Rubbing them against each other showed they were covered in fur I could barely see. Probably due to the cartoonish gray outline...

Cartoonish black outline. Cartoonish. Cartoon. 'Oh, you've gotta be joking kidding me.'

I was in a cartoon. Nonetheless a cartoon I was somewhat familiar with, but does that make this better? Or easier to grasp?

Now that I was contemplating the usefulness of certain aspects of my, er, unique situation, maybe it would be a good idea to make sure that I'm not just hallucinating. Reluctantly, I made another attempt to stand up. And another. And another...

It makes sense that someone, as in a human being, would have trouble being a quadruped. This all just feels uncomfortably real. I think I might need to sit down for this.

"Well, I'm pretty sure the hallucination theory is out the window," I whispered to myself, glad to actually hear something other than a faint crackling in the distance. Actually hearing things sparked another question. I reached up to the top of my head, fairly unsure of what would happen. Good, I could feel my ears before they uncontrollably flattened. Not okay, they were completely different, alongside what I could tell to be my mane.

There was a lot different, as you'd expect. My usually pale skin was fitted by a white coat, which was the exact same color as what I could see of my mane. That was fairly curly, unlike my usually shaggy, parted brown hair.

As I looked around, I could tell I had little to work with. Nothing but trees and shrubs and a bush with something sticking out of it. 'Now that's intriguing.' I did my best to walk a couple feet over, only stumbling about four times. Finally reaching the bush, I attempted to pull it out.

"Okay, this is ridiculous," apparently this bush is like superman or something. It probably didn't help that I didn't have fingers. After a whopping thirteen attempts to yank the mystery fabric out, I finally succeeded.

I don't know if you knew this but accomplishment and underwhelming don't go particularly well together. I busted my butt, uh, flank, for my toque.

"Well, at least I still have something," I frustratingly slipped the teal hat over my mane, though a portion remained outside it. I don't have the time for this, however. I need to elaborate on my situation.

'So, I'm stuck in a forest which I may as well say is the Everfree, doesn't matter all that much since the Everfree is pretty big. I'm also a pony. And if I'm stuck with a bunch of other ponies, then I might be in trouble. If ASPD isn't received well on Earth, it's probably ten times worse in a show about interpersonal relationships.'

"Okay, you've avoided any chance of social relationships before, these are just ponies. They can't do anything that bad. Nor would they, I don't think I'm in a parody. If this were something like Pony.mov or My Little Pwny, I would understand. As far as I can tell, my hooves are in the original art style, not like any parody Zach's ever shown me. Besides, why would they even want to know where I come from?"

I slapped myself in the face again. "Ugh. Because if they don't, I'll be considered an antagonist. That's probably the only thing I could be here. Ugh, I still have no idea what I'm doing or what I should do.

Well, guess it's time to change that."

Chart a course

'What is the rational thing to do when I, a pessimistic, neurotic, and, fairly, mentally unstable human in the body of a pony, am launched into a world of optimistic, social, happy-go-lucky ponies, assuming I'm in the canon universe?

Did I ever even say I was rational? Another for the list, then.

What do I have at my disposal? Shouldn't someone here have something more useful than a toque? Like weapons, their original form, or at least some connection to somepony on this side?

Then again, why would I be here specifically? Why not a military cadet or a royal scientist? That'd be more interesting than some kid that's the polar opposite of pretty much everypony here.'

In the end I deducted that a toque and knowledge of another universe is going to get me nothing but a few bits and a stalker who's as crazy as they think I am after hearing about "Earth" and "humans."

Wait, what would I actually be able to do in this place. Let's see here.

Otherworldly knowledge + social skills equivalent to a piece of burnt toast + strange actions

=

Loony bin

Not a particularly welcomed ending. As I'm not in that place yet I'll just get moving.

Trying to ignore the deformed trees and disembodied sounds I kept moving. I wouldn't have stopped I my luck hadn't chosen to stop for me.

SPLASH

'Great, water.' I would've been more thankful if I hadn't found it via faceplant. It's probably necessary here, though. "I'm not thirsty..."

I trailed off as I realized this water was actually really reflective. And in that reflection was me, open mouth and all.

As I would have explained to someone, just a completely white version of Pinkie Pie, with a subtle difference. My eyes.

Man, they made me look like whoever designed me really wanted me to stand out. They were mostly cyan with a strange bottom part. A shade of purple rested on the bottom of my irises, almost like bags on the inside of my eyes. The pupils had no catchlights, which was pretty off-putting. And on the outside were a pair of pronounced eyelashes.

Now that I look at it, I have the female body type. "Great. Not only am I a pony, but a transgender one too. My voice didn't get higher at least. I get it, it's because I'm weak, isn't it? Not trying to sound sexist or anything, but..."

'Weak...' That triggered something. I could barely lift my toque out of the bush, yet it was barely stuck in there. I turned to look at a rock about twice the size of my hoof. Moving to pick it up I thought out loud, "Please tell me-"

It barely budged.

CLOP "GREAT."

Now there's a whole new factor to deal with. And I'm an earth pony! Aren't we supposed to be strong? Isn't that their only redeeming quality over the other types? It certainly throws a wrench in any previous plans.

"*Sigh* I'll deal with this later." Looking around, I saw the water I accidentally drank came from a river. There's really no reason I can think of that suggests any other route would be better. Might as well follow it and see where it could lead.

I tried to get a feel for my surroundings by looking around and regretted it fairly quickly. These forest backdrops were always pretty unsettling actually- "Oof!"

What did I just trip over?

"Hey!"

"GIH!"

Hearing something other than my own voice, hoofsteps, or the river sent chills through my spine so fast I must have shot two meters in the air before landing. I slowly turned around, visibly shivering, looking to see what, or who, I tripped on.

Behind me I saw two small figures. One was completely greyish-silver with a near-white mane and glasses, while the other, the one I had tripped over was pink with a mane consisting of purple and white. Both looked too short for fillies though, but I couldn't tell why. Maybe the perception of size changes when you involuntarily jump universes. The silver one looked a mix of shocked and agitated. Gee, I can't even begin to imagine why.

"What the tartarus is your problem?" The pink "precious little filly" hissed, pulling her muzzle out of the dirt.

Just beginning to realize who I upset, I stammered out, "I...I..."

"Who are you anyway? I've never seen you around here before," Silver Spoon asked me.

"Nobody. Why are you here?" I quickly asked, trying to get the two's focus off of me.

"We don't need to tell you, miss 'Nobody'. Your name is as weird as you are," Diamond Tiara responded.

'If she didn't misinterpret that as my name I would be toast. I need to get away from these two.' That was easier thought than done, as they were circling me now for some reason. This was getting more uncomfortable by the second.

"It looks like that party pony, but the freak doesn't sound like her," Silver Spoon whispered.

"So Nobody, in your words, 'Why are you here? *Giggle*" Diamond Tiara said while stopping. I slowly started to prepare myself to bolt.

"Yeah." Silver spoon responded coming to a rest next to me, as I turned away to laugh. As she said this, she realized the offending pony's stature was that of getting ready to run.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going, weirdo?" Silver Spoon asked, causing the mare's face to transition from focus to surprise.

"Good catch Silver Spoon, how did you know he was starting to run?"

"Years of psychologically bullying my inferiors really brought out my awareness," Silver Spoon replied.

"Did it ever bring out your irony?" Her distant voice asked.

"Why would it have-" Silver Spoon started, before being cut off by the sudden realization of 'Nobody's' absence.

"Great job, Silver."

I saw my opportunity and took it, dashing away from the two fillies back into the Everfree.

'Well, that went pear-shaped fast. I was expecting something else there. Less awareness and more name-calling. Maybe they were too distracted to call me "blank-flank" fifty times over. Or maybe...

How could I not have thought about this before? This is one of the first things to know about ponies. How could I not have looked back there for it?'

I looked back and saw exactly what I expected. A Cutie Mark. As to what it depicted, I would not have guessed.

It was a horseshoe, angled upside-down and snapped in half, surrounded by what looked like some kind of lens, maybe the kind you'd see on a camera, a circle with some light reflecting off the top right of the inside.

(The horseshoe)

"Okay... not entirely sure what to think of that."

My best guess for the horseshoe was my infamous luck back home, and the optic lens probably referred to the one thing I was good at there, avoiding things. That or the whole TV show problem I have right now.

"Well, at least I have some idea- OW," I slammed into a dark brown dome. I looked around, observing everything about the place, from the interesting shape to the more interesting colored masks. It didn't register in my mind where I was, because I hadn't seen the place before, nor the figure that came from within. A fairly pony-like animal, somewhat resembling a zebra. A mix between that and a stereotypical Indian, explaining the masks and gold bracelets(?) they wore around their neck.

I stepped back, and accidentally stepped in a bush. Their head jolted towards the vines I was behind.

'Oh, shoot.'

They moved towards me. I moved back.

"Do not be alarmed, pony with words of few. I promise that I will not hurt you."

'How did they know I was a pony? Did they see me? I believe her, I'm just more worried about them accidentally hurting me, what with how weak I am here. Either that or my social skills strike again and you try to kill me, zebra I don't know.'

I took a few steps left, they followed. I go to my right, they go to their left. The two parts of my Cutie Mark, constantly counteracting each other. Which would win out in the end?

'Could they see me? How else would they be following me other than sheer dumb luck?'

In an act of pure desperation, I scooped up a pebble, threw it, and ran in the opposite direction as fast as I could, though I collapsed after ten seconds. It seemed to be sufficient enough, as I could no longer hear whoever was back there.

'Phew,' I thought to myself, running my hoof through my mane.

It didn't make the trip.

Eyes widening, I pulled my hoof out from halfway through my mane. I tried putting my hoof back in, and there was still something in there. A cone-shaped object was jutting out of my forehead.

"Oh, that might explain a few things. I need to see this for myself before I can be sure." I shot back to the river I was following, making sure to go behind those two fillies' path.

Once I found the river, I looked back to my reflection for a reinspection. Focusing on my mane, I noticed not only was it slightly smaller than I figured it should've been, but a small section of horn jutted out from its front.

'Now that gives me an idea.' I moved my forehooves against the bottom of my mane. Now not only was it shaped to look the exact same as the real Pinkie's, but it also concealed my horn.

"There we go." I was quite proud of thinking that up. Now if I ever got in a skirmish and I worked on my magic, this would hide my abilities.

With no reason to stay any longer, I made my way through the Everfree. I heard several rather strange noises, almost like an animal. 'Let's just steer clear of that for now.'

Turning right and away from the river, I made a decent amount of distance. I was still getting used to moving around as a quadruped, before I came across the edge of what looked like a different kind of forest. Although this specific kind of tree reminds me of something.

As I looked around I noted every individual thing I saw. 'I think I know where I am now...

Hello, Sweet Apple Acres.'

Gamers don't die

"Run that by me again, please," came from Twilight Sparkle and her very confused expression.

Rainbow Dash sighed exhaustedly and replied with, "Me and Fluttershy were supposed to help Applejack and Big Mac paint the barn when we see somepony lurking around in the Everfree forest. One song-and-don't-dance-but-instead-run later, I'm the only one left following them. Then they fell off a cliff."

"They fell off a cliff?" Twilight recoiled.

"They were going to fall off a waterfall, but tried jumping back last second."

Twilight stared dumbfoundedly for multiple moments. "Run that by me again, please."

Rainbow Dash looked exasperated. "Come on Twilight, that's the fifth time you've asked, and each time I've told you less! All you really need to know is the Everfree Pony."

Twilight responded, "And I presume you don't know why."

"Nope."

"Well, did you even talk to them? They had to have a reason for being in there."

"We tried, but they seemed like they didn't want to talk."

"By 'we', I assume you mean Applejack," Twilight snarked.

"Not. Important."

"This ordeal must be important if you four constantly think back to it or mention it for some reason. You've brought it up multiple times since this morning. I'd think it was you getting nervous after we just got home from the Equestria games. I feel like you're concerned."

"Well, you'd be too!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed.

Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash after sighing and said softly, "Alright, how about this, we'll sleep, and then us and the girls will look around and find them at dawn. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah! I'll be ready to kick some flank!"

"You mean if they turn out to be causing trouble, right?" Twilight questioned.

"Yeah, right," Rainbow Dash said, almost looking disappointed.

Night passed(More easily for some than others), and somehow, all of the elements of harmony were willing to go. It was either concern, the prospect of a new friend, or... what Rainbow Dash was thinking. Fluttershy seemed to be most concerned for the mystery pony after hearing the story of what happened after she left.

"They just disappeared like that?" she asked.

Rainbow Dash replied with, "That's the gist of it, yeah."

Fluttershy gave of a concerned face and muttered, "I wonder what happened to them."

Twilight, after staying relatively quiet, said, "Well, Rainbow Dash didn't find them after they fell off the waterfall, so we'll start at the river after that point." That seemed to reassure Fluttershy slightly.

"Let's just hope they're okay."

Somewhere, in a part of the forest that looks suspiciously similar to where Ty first awoke, he did it again.

"Ugh, where did I end up this time?" He muttered to himself while sitting up. He looked around to see where he was. "Ha-ha. I get it, we respawn." He then noticed there were some differences, like how he could see the waterfall he fell off in the distance and the river flowing from it was directly behind him. After thinking about water multiple times he realized something else.

"Why am I soaked?" His best reason was he got knocked unconscious after hitting the river and floated down here. Those suspicions were confirmed when he coughed up some water. "Well, it's not as bad as I expected." He said before something hot on his back made him freeze before turning around.

He came face to face with a creature that looked like a bunch of sticks cobbled together into the form of a wolf. Its glowing green eyes felt like they bored holes into him before he thought, 'I was pretty sure you guys hunted at night.' Then he looked up and saw the sun was, instead of directly above him, moving down and almost completely covered by the cliff next to the waterfall.

"*Sigh* Great," he said before the timber wolf growled while its face was still inches away from Ty's own. He backed up before hearing the sloshing sound a river makes when you back into it out of fear of being eaten alive. "Okay, screw this," he thought before weaving around it and dashing along the river. As it followed him, he got an idea/remembered something/stole an idea from a fictional character. He jerked to the right and stuck out his forelegs, expecting the timber wolf to jump over it and smack into the tree positioned behind him.

Well, the wolf hit the tree, but it sure didn't jump. It instead rolled after it hit Ty's legs and took him with it. Ty kept moving while the wolf hit the tree, shattering.

'That's kind of graphic. This would probably be easier if I had the body I'm more used to. I don't even have hands!' His gaze turned slightly upward. 'But I do have that.'

He turned and saw the pile of sticks next to bright blue flowers with berries. Since I probably can't eat these, I'll try to use my magic on them. He imagined how using magic would actually work, then concentrated on one of the berries.

It took a little time, but he eventually saw a slight haze around it. 'Come on...'

In a short period of time, he saw an aura materialize. It was so surprising it broke his concentration, causing the berry to drop. The aura was the same colors as his eyes, an almost psychedelic swirl of deep purple and cyan.

"Okay, let's try that again, shall we?"

He concentrated again, and it happened almost instantaneously. Once the aura was on the berry, he tried to move it upwards. The berry slowly started to ascend.

'Yeah!' He thought to himself before the berry started to waver and fell again. 'Nope. Well, maybe it's because of the specific thing. Levitating water seems like it would be hard, so maybe a fruit filled with liquid would be almost as difficult,' he thought while turning over to the sticks. He concentrated on one and it slowly raised.

Then he realized that all of the sticks were floating. 'Wow. I didn't expect it to be that much stronger.'

Realization struck again when he realized his aura only surrounded one stick, while the rest reformed into the timber wolf. His eyes widened and his concentration effectively shattered, allowing the last stick to snap into place.

'Now that is just unfair.'

One unnecessarily short chase scene later and Ty pulled the exact same trick on the expectedly stupid timber wolf. As he righted himself he grumbled, "I really need to find a less painful way to deal with those things."

He looked at the wolf and nervously thought, 'Let's just get away from that and find a place to sleep.'

He walked along the river and found a bush a while away that didn't seem to have anything wrong with it. After what felt like seven hours of just sitting there, he finally fell asleep.

For ten minutes. He woke up and saw through the bush that it was still nighttime.

'Come on. Can't you just let me sleep until it's almost morning?' The moon immediately went down and the sun replaced it. 'Oh.'

He laid in "bed" for about 40 minutes before giving up, sitting up, and leaning out of the bush, where his vision was immediately assaulted by pink.

"Hi!"

He squinted at her before muttering, "It's too early for this." He then laid back down, thinking, 'This is the last pony I want to see right now.'

"That's what I told Twilight and Rainbow Dash, but I get to make up for it by meeting somepony new!" Pinkie Pie agreed.

Ty was visibly disheartened, "Oh, I suppose they were looking for me, then?"

Right then they heard Twilight call out from some distance away, "Pinkie! Where are you?"

Ty said, "Hey, when they come straight to us, because of course they will, can you not tell them about me being here, please?"

"Sure!" She said before turning around and then turning back. "Why?"

He answered, "I just don't feel like going anywhere or talking to anyone... Or anypony."

"Okay, you can count on me," Pinkie practically exclaimed while saluting. Twilight and everyone else showed up directly after.

"Who were you talking to?" Twilight asked.

Pinkie responded with, "Definitely not some random pony that may or may not be the one we're looking for." She lowered her head to the bush Ty was laying in and loudly whispered, "I don't think they've caught on."

Ty groaned and replied after sitting up, "Yes, that was so well executed it was painful."

Twilight leaned over to Applejack and whispered, "Is that the pony you saw two days ago?"

"Yep, that's them," Applejack confirmed with a suspicious look on her face.

Rainbow Dash looked over to Fluttershy to make some bad joke, but realized she wasn't doing anything. Just staring after hearing that voice. "Fluttershy? You alright?"

Fluttershy, still staring at Ty, whispered back, "That voice, for some reason, reminds me of Flutterguy."

"You mean the fact it's a mare with a stallion's voice, right? 'Cause she doesn't sound anything like Flutterguy. Aside from sounding bored, flat, and dry." Rainbow Dash said back.

Ty spoke up now, "Firstly, you all whisper way too loud. Secondly, I'm a stallion in a mare's body." He aimed the last sentence toward Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.

They all looked visibly confused. "I've never heard of somepony being born in the wrong gender's body," Twilight wondered aloud.

'Man, THAT kind of speaking wouldn't fly back home,' Ty thought before responding. "That's because I wasn't born like this."

"Well, what could've happened to you?" Pinkie questioned.

"Nothing, I was like this when I got here two days ago."

Twilight flew forward and squinted at him, "What do you mean by that."

Ty was going to respond, but then he looked at the narration in the last paragraph and thought, Wait, flew?

Indeed, on Twilight's back were a pair of two wings allowing her to hover inches from Ty's face while still having her trademark horn.

'Great. Whatever universe I've landed in has essentially the protagonist of the series as a literal god.' "I've said too much."

Pretty much everyone was wearing a skeptical face now. Ty backed up, saying, "Okay, I'm just going to go now."

Applejack stepped forward and started, "Now wait fer' just a-" She didn't finish as Ty shot to the right in a curve. He looked back at the two ponies who looked at him with a mix of shock and... concern? He turned to face forward only to get a face full of white and purple, knocking both him and Rarity unconscious.

Rainbow Dash flew up to them and said, "Well, I guess that's just what happens when you sit in the back and say nothing the whole time. Almost as if someone forgot you were here."

"What do we do now?" Applejack questioned, "it's not like we can actually learn anything from him when he's knocked out."

Twilight pondered this. "Let's just take them back to the library," she said while levitating Rarity into the air. Rainbow Dash threw Ty over her shoulder.

"Holy crud this guy is light," she said before they made their way back to Ponyville.

Author's Note

Have a happy new year and Merry Christmas.

Xmas?

Hanukkah?

Hearth's warming?

Boxing day?

Whatever you celebrate, I hope you're faring better than I am this time of year.

The amazing "interrogation"

Ty slowly squinted his eyes open, seeing what he could tell to be the main six across from a chair he was sitting in. He could hear they were bored as Applejack gossiped, "Y'all hear Trouble Shoes got pardoned? Apparently, he's on a lucky streak." That was when somepony actually noticed him, that being Rainbow Dash.

"Well, well, well. Look who finally decided to wake-" Her smug remark was interrupted by a loud crash as Ty lunged toward the stairs, only to bring the chair with him. He looked down at his barrel and saw it and his front hooves were strapped to the chair by a lasso.

"Gee, way to trust me on this, guys," he said, garnering some unimpressed looks.

Twilight responded with, "Say's the guy who's so secretive we don't even know his name?"

"Touche," Ty admitted. Fluttershy came over and lifted him off the ground as Ty started to get aches in his head and back. "I really need to stop getting knocked unconscious," he groaned.

"You and me both," Rarity grumbled while rubbing her horn in pain as her friends rolled their eyes at their friend who was well known for doing... the exact thing she just said she needed to stop doing. Ty recognized that his headache originated in his horn too. We must've smacked our horns together, he thought.

...

Rainbow Dash broke the awkward silence with, "So, are you going to answer that?"

Ty looked confused. "Huh?"

"Your name. What is it?" she answered.

Ty visibly cringed. "One. I don't know who you are, and two, I... can't tell you."

Everypony simply ignored number one and went straight for the more suspicious answer. "Now why in the world would y' not be able to tell us your own name?" Applejack wondered.

"Normally when you say you can't tell, you really just mean you don't want to say," Ty said in a dryer tone than usual.

"Why don't you?" Twilight asked.

"I didn't say that," Ty responded.

"It was implied," Twilight said, clearly getting annoyed.

"No, it was assumed," Ty said back, closing his eyes in disagreement.

"Uhhhhhh!" Twilight groaned. "Look, are you going to tell us anything!?"

"Well maybe if this little predicament didn't look like this. I mean, you've got me tied to a chair in what looks to be a basement. What is this, an interrogation?" Ty joked. Twilight and Pinkie looked at each other before responding.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"What?" Twilight looked over.

"But that's what you said it was!" Pinkie exclaimed back. Twilight nervously looked back at Ty to see he had an unimpressed expression on his face.

"Hehe..." Twilight laughed nervously. "Could you give us a minute? Stay right there." she said before pulling the rest of the girls upstairs.

SLAM

"Wasn't aware I had a choice," Ty grumbled.

On the main level of the Golden Oaks Library, Twilight was mulling over her ideas to figure out who Ty was and why he was here. It might've gone better if she wasn't repeatedly smacking her head against one of the tables. "That's it! I'm out of suggestions," she sighed.

"How about that there stare of yer's Fluttershy? That oughta get him to squeal," Applejack asked. Fluttershy hung her head with a somewhat concerned look.

"Are we sure that it's really necessary?"

"I don't have any other ideas for him!" As Applejack said this, Rainbow Dash's ears perked up.

"Then how about one of our old ideas for you?" Rainbow Dash said with a sly look on her face.

"Ya' mean that stunt y'all pulled with Pinkie back in Dodge Junction? With the chimi-cherry-changa, or whatever?" Applejack wondered with a confused look on her face. Nearly everypony had that same expression except Pinkie, who had a vaguely excited look, Twilight, who still had her muzzle in the table, groaning her lungs out, and Rarity, who was still rubbing her horn in pain.

"Yeah! If it works on a pony as strong-willed as you, it'll definitely work on some rando from the woods!" Rainbow Dash shouted.

"It's one of our last ideas," Twilight groaned, pulling her snout off the table, "so it's worth a shot."

"I still don't know," Fluttershy whispered.

"I agree, darling," Rarity said. "How do we know this pony is worth the effort?"

Rainbow Dash was getting impatient. "Oh, forget this!" she shouted, flying downstairs with a burst of speed. Pinkie was already hopping after her.

"Rainbow Dash..." Rarity groaned.

In a flash of rainbow, Ty was already staring into a pair of rosy eyes with a shocked expression, breaking his concentration.

"Spill it!" she screamed in his face.

...

"No."

He frowned as she just kept staring, eyes tilted. She seemingly teleported back a foot, then she did it again before turning around and galloping towards her friends. She huddled into the group of five. "What now?" she asked. Pinkie slowly rose up in front of her, an overly excited look on her face.

"Eh. Sure," Rainbow said, getting a squee from Pinkie in response. "Just do what you did last time and it should be fine."

"Okie Dokie Lokie!"

"This is not okie dokie." The mane six stood flabbergasted as they watched Ty sit through the whole thing with nothing more than a curious stare. Applejack and Pinkie looked especially shocked.

"What the hay do we do now?" Applejack whispered, though nopony could tell if it was out of secrecy or exasperation.

"I know," Twilight admitted. "That was one of our best shots."

"You all really need to learn to have an actual private conversation. Keep your voice down like our friend over there," Ty said, doing his best to gesture in Fluttershy's general direction. Twilight's eyes suddenly brightened as she looked at Fluttershy expectantly.

"Whimper..."

"Did you just say the word 'whimper'?"

One convincing (Equivalent to about ten minutes) later...

"I d-don't think I can do it," Fluttershy looked conflicted. "He even called me a friend."

"That was quite likely a figure of speech," Rarity said, putting a comforting hoof on Fluttershy's shoulder. "Besides, we're counting on you here."

"Alright... I-I'll do it," Fluttershy agreed with a determined look in her eyes.

As she turned around, Ty's expression turned into one of concern and confusion. "Now what?" he said.

While she was next to him, she had to turn her head away from him and whisper to herself, "You can do this. You can do this. You can do this."

"Do what?" Ty asked shakily, making the pegasus jump in surprise.

Ty was honestly getting concerned as his thoughts ran wild. 'What if she has a poison dart frog in her mane!? She probably knows where a pony's pressure points are!'

His thoughts were cut off as he realized she was just staring at him with a scowl. Her head was just inched away from his and he could feel her breath on his nose. There were flecks of spit on the side of her mouth that got him really unsettled for some reason.

"Jeez your face is gross."

...

"What!?" Everypony recoiled in shock. Fluttershy's eyes were starting to tear up before she flew up the stairs, wailing uncontrollably.

"Oh, Fluttershy dear!" Rarity called, galloping up after her.

Ty attempted to call up after her. "I'm sorry! That just... slipped out." What was that about? Now that I think about it, I remember Zack saying something at one point about Fluttershy being able to see inside your soul. I thought he just read that in a creepypasta somewhere, but if she really can maybe it's best for her mental and emotional stability that she doesn't. Lord knows what would happen to me if that happened.

Everypony else just sat on the floor, jaws dropped. Pinkie just barely managed to stammer out, "I-you-b-j-w...

WHO IN TARTARUS ARE YOU!?" Pinkie screamed, pointing an accusatory hoof at him.

Ty managed to get his hearing back and replied weakly, "I don't know, maybe you're supposed to figure that out." Twilight raised her hoof to her chin, thinking.

"Well, I could check the Canterlot archives for birth records, appearance, cutie mark acquisition, occupation-"

"No don't do that!" Twilight looked back at Ty questioningly. "I mean, I'm joking." Twilight's look quickly turned accusatory and suspicious, sweat beads forming on Ty's forehead as he nervously grimaced.

"Haha! Good one." Ty looked around, swearing he heard Pinkie laugh, but she was still in the corner, pointing her hoof at him. He turned back to see Twilight continuously chuckling, a genuine smile on her face.

"Right..." Is this seriously happening, or are they just as exaggerated as in the show?

"This is gittin' us nowhere!" Applejack suddenly shouted. "Jus' git' me mah rope, then I hogtie 'em and we hang 'im up like a pinata."

Pinkie clapped her hooves together repeatedly, "Oh I love that game! I call going next!"

Rainbow looked over at Pinkie. "Ya' mean hit him? With a stick?"

"No, silly! Why would I want to be a stick?"

"No, hit him with the stick!" Rainbow returned.

"No-"

"Sake's alive! We are not indulging in Pinkie Pie's fantasies right now!" Applejack shouted, fed up.

Ty was glancing around frantically. If these ponies keep worrying, Twilight's going to end up force choking me!

Twilight had joined in the argument which was now a massive cluster of shouting. This all ceased however as Ty butted in, shouting, "Wait!"

Everypony looked at him and tilted their heads, wondering what he had to say.

"*Sigh* You all want the truth?" Ty asked, getting uncontrollable nods from Pinkie and Twilight, skepticism from Applejack, and a look of pure disbelief from Rainbow Dash. Whelp, guess it's time to start up the alias.

"Fine..." Ty groaned.

"Fluttershy! Rarity! You won't believe this!" Rainbow Dash shouted as she zipped upstairs.

Discoveries and disturbances

Rainbow Dash jumped down the stairs like a little kid on Christmas morning, urging Fluttershy and Rarity onward as if they were her parents.

"That's it? He's just... quitting the charade?" Rarity skeptically asked.

"I guess you could call it that," he responded. Ty sighed as he looked at everypony's expectant faces. "Now, this will definitely seem strange and unorthodox, but you'll just have to bear with me."

"We're all ears! If you don't count the rest of us, that is," Pinkie said.

"Oh, boy. I can't believe I'm doing this", he muttered. "Alright, I think it was two days ago when I first got here. It was right in that forest where the waterfall is."

"Wait," Twilight stopped him. "Got here? Where were you before you got to the Everfree?"

"Look, nosy Nancy, I'd get to that... if I could answer it," Ty shot, getting somewhat awkward glances from the main six.

"Now how do ya' not know where ya' came from?" Applejack questioned, clearly unimpressed.

"That's just the thing, I don't. I don't know where I am or where I was before now, let alone who I was."

Rainbow Dash and Applejack shared an uneven look at each other while everypony else just stared at him in disbelief. Fluttershy looked especially concerned, surprising since some of her tears hadn't entirely stopped. "Oh goodness, so you have amnesia?"

"If that's the term for a loss of memory that isn't just blatant forgetfulness, then yes. I don't suppose any of you six know what might've happened"

Everypony looked around at each other as they wondered what Ty could have meant by this. Twilight decided to speak up. "Well, I was concerned when Rainbow Dash came to me to tell me about you yesterday, so after she left I did some digging. She gave me a rundown of your basic appearance and, weirdly enough, the closest we got to your coat and mane colors were a skier named Double Diamond, but he's been missing for a few years and had a different cutie mark. Even weirder, nopony has ever seen a pony with eyes like yours. Birth records from the last forty years didn't turn anything up either."

Pinkie popped up suddenly. "It's a lot like looking into a mirror, just instead of seeing you now, it's back when everything was black and white!" she said in a tangent.

Ty looked shocked. At Twilight's statement, not Pinkie's. He knew to disregard that. "Okay. First, holy cow that was a lot of work for one pony in one night. Second, I thought I told you not to do that. Finally, forty years was way too much for a fifteen-year-old."

...

"You're how old!?" Rainbow Dash shouted, grabbing him by the shoulders.

Ty winced in anxiety. That, and his ears hurt now. "I don't entirely understand how amnesia works, seeing as I still know how to talk," 'Thank goodness I'm in the English version, knowing my luck I wouldn't be surprised if I ended up in a Spanish translation', "but sometimes I just... remember things. It's weird, but it's happened, seeing as how I know my age. Once I was getting into a bush to sleep, then I thought, 'I'm in Equestria.'" Ty finished with a gulp more audible than it should have been. "Right?"

"Yes," Rarity answered him. "Ponyville, specifically."

"Thank you." 'That's reassuring. Maybe I'm closer to the canon universe than I thought.' "And Celestia and Luna still rule the place?"

"M-hm," Rarity responded again. Ty only now realized Rainbow Dash was trying to stutter something out.

"B-B... Fifteen? How? You're the same height as most of us."

"Why's that matter?" Ty said, looking over at Pinkie. Now sitting in a rocking chair, Ty saw he was indeed a the same height as Pinkie. The others were all around the same size.

"Cuz' it jus' don't make sense," Applejack said, shaking her head. "That's only two years older than Applebloom, yet yer' still nearly twice her height!"

Wait, aren't Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon that old too? The sizes here make no sense.

"It's out of my control. Just like a lot of others." Ty muttered, "Like how I'm here. A lot of things about me don't make sense."

Twilight just rubbed her hoof against the wooden floor in thought, "I need to think about this," she said as she turned to the stairs that led to the main floor.

Ty turned to his flank and sighed, "Like how I'm one of the elements of cringe or something. Of all it could've been, I get that as a cutie..." he trailed off as he realized everypony in the room was focused squarely on him, even Twilight, who had turned away from the exit as he started to talk quietly to himself.

"The elements of huh?" Twilight questioned, looking extremely confused. Ty looked around nervously as he realized he'd let something from his homeworld slip.

"Um, it's not important," Ty said lamely.

"A set of elements other than us is absolutely important!"

Of all things to randomly mention, I bring up a Youtube series that hasn't had an installment in four years.

Ty wanted to get off this topic quickly. "Wait, you're a set of elements?"

Rainbow couldn't lose this opportunity to gloat. "Yup! Elements of harmony, live and in person! Name's Rainbow Dash, element of loyalty," she reached out to give him a hoof shake, only to jerk him towards her. "Oh."

"It occurs to me you all have a lot to learn about hospitality," Ty shot a glare at Twilight and Applejack. 'Wait. In person?'

"Hehe..." Twilight laughed nervously, while Applejack just watched Ty skeptically.

Rainbow Dash got back to introducing Ty to their fame, and started listing off her friends, extending a forehoof toward each of them, "Getting back to the important part, Pinkie Pie is laughter, Rarity's generosity, Fluttershy is... missing, apparently. She was kindness."

Everypony just noticed Fluttershy wasn't heard from for a long time. Rainbow Dash only cared enough to look for two seconds, as she was just in the corner, too nervous or shy to say anything.

"I'm just back here. I don't, um, really have anything to add."

Rainbow Dash ignored this and continued, "Applejack's honesty and Twilight is magic. Finally finished," Rainbow said with a smile of relief.

Ty made his best inquisitive face. "What do elements actually do?"

Rainbow Dash was beginning to brag again, before Twilight silenced her by placing a hoof in her mouth. "That's what I'm trying to figure out, Mr. element," she scowled.

Ty gulped. Maybe it's best I just come up with something simple that would make sense in this universe.

"Ugh, fine. The elements of cringe were another set of elements that disappeared ages ago. Happy?"

Twilight slowly got an excited look on her face. "I've never heard of another element set before! What were the elements? Who were the bearers? What about their disappearance?" Twilight rambled, pushing her muzzle inches from his. Eyes widening to an almost frightening degree.

All right, this is going to go too far. "Do I have to talk about that?" he asked Twilight. Her face slowly got red in anger. "Okay! Fine!"

Twilight exhaled, pulling her head back, "Oh, thank you."

"The elements of cringe were pain, awkwardness, stupidity, disgust, misfortune, and recklessness. I'm fairly certain I'm misfortune, and that's all I can say," Ty shot off, eager to get this over with.

Nopony seemed to know how to respond. Pinkie burst out laughing. "Wow! We got that worked up over a random pony, and they turn out to know about lost elements. Then after all that, they're the element of misfortune!"

"You know, you've got a point," Ty thoughtfully said. "You were this concerned about a pony who came here with little knowledge of how things work here. Then when he does get here, all he has is a toque."

Twilight didn't know what to be confused about. She picked the boring option. "What's a toque?"

That's what you want to know? "A kind of hat."

Rarity perked up at the mention of clothing. "Oh! Do you mean this lovely little thing Fluttershy found?" She levitated Ty's toque seemingly out of nowhere. Ty's confusion was subsided by finding something more familiar.

"Hey! You found it!"

Rarity got a bit too into the clothing for Ty to hear, something about "shading" and "interweaving." This went on for some time until she addressed him directly.

"Huh!? Hm!? What!?" Ty was startled like he had been abruptly woken up.

"This 'patch' on the side. What does it mean?" Ty had no idea what Rarity was talking about until she rotated it, revealing two band-aids crossed in an X pattern on the back left.

Ty didn't recognize it. "I don't know, symbolism?" Rarity just shrugged.

"Eh. Makes as much sense as any other explanation. I initially thought it was a designer's mark." Ty just gave her a confused glance. She continued. "Like how I always use my cutie mark on the tag so ponies know I made it. I figured you made it yourself."

Ty seemed to understand. "No. That was on there when I had awoken. Plus, you know those are bandages right?"

Pinkie was the first to inspect the toque's mark, popping out from behind Rarity. "Oh yeah! These always seem to appear when I get hurt. Don't know how." Ty regarded this sarcastically. The animation budget, that's how.

"Yeah, I've gotten familiar with those lately," Ty said. "Just another cartoonish aspect to pile on to my physical attributes. Speaking of which, do you think I could, y'know, stand?"

"How do we know we can trust you?" Rainbow Dash questioned intently. Ty just smiled.

"Rarity? Hand me my toque, please."

Rarity's nose scrunched up. "Hand?"

Ty loudly groaned, "Ugh... hoof! Just give it to me, please," he finished with a tired tone in his voice.

"Err, right. Of course dear." Rarity levitated the hat on his mane, making his head visibly dip from pressure.

"Careful! You're going to snap my neck!" He winced while rubbing the back of his neck with his head. Ty then pulled his head back up, causing the toque to fall over his eyes. "Um... Anyway, why would you need to trust me?"

"If I fell off a cliff I'd need to trust you to pull me up," Rainbow Dash said with a tone that seeped with sarcasm.

"If you were holding onto a ledge, you'd just pull me down with you. Plus, you can fly."

Rainbow Dash just chuckled to herself. "Heh. Fair point," she said as she went to work on the ropes.

"How do we know we can trust you?" Rainbow Dash questioned intently. As these events transpired, Applejack leaned against the wall, a sour expression on her face.

Twilight was simply watching when Applejack leaned over to her. "That's just it. We can't," Applejack whispered. Twilight glanced over in confusion.

"Why do you say?"

"Come on now, Twilight! This whole thing is just an act! He's givin' us a bunch of literal horse crud," Applejack attempted to convince Twilight as they both turned back toward the mysterious pony, who now had his toque over his eyes.

"He looks harmless. Plus, he seems sincere to me," Twilight argued.

"That's cuz' yer' not me. Element of honesty and all that? Ah' can tell when somepony's lyin' and that there was a massive example! Fer' all Ah' know he coulda' been eatin' mah' apples. Ah swear, he's reminding me more and more of that other stallion we saw the other day."

Twilight raised a hoof to start objecting, but slowly put it down again. "Fair enough. I'll keep that in mind."

As the two ponies got back to the subject at hand, Ty was finally up on his hooves again. "Shoot, my back hurts a ton."

'Shoot'?

"Are you all right?" Fluttershy asked.

"Yeah, I think so. You're too kind." This made her blush slightly.

"Oh, thank you," Fluttershy mumbled.

"No, I'm serious. I get you're the element of kindness, but that doesn't mean your entire life has to center around that one trait," Ty looked at her with an unimpressed yet somehow concerned look. He twisted his back into multiple [And rather unsettling] positions, causing several snapping sounds. If he twisted any harder he'd definitely end up killing himself. "Holy cow, what did you bring me here with, bricks?"

'Holy cow'?

"Nah, I just carried you." Rainbow Dash said in a tone reminiscent of bragging, but you can't brag about lifting a sack of air.

Ty looked at her questioningly. "That's it?"

"Yeah, and you might want to consider working out. It was easier than turning the page in my Daring Do books.

"Hey!" Ty stomped a hoof on the ground, making a noise a couple of bats heard. "I weigh more than a sheet of paper! I'll just..." Ty looked around and, to a very small amount of surprise, found what he was looking for.

"Use this balance scale and paper sheet that're just... here, I guess." Ty trotted over to the scale and bent over to pick the paper up. To absolutely nopony's surprise, he found that he can't.

"Okay, what is wrong with me?" Ty held his hooves in front of his face in exasperation, marveling at how inconsistent this cartoon world actually is.

"Here. Let me get that for you." Fluttershy walked over and, with no effort, simply blew on the page, sending it directly onto the scale.

"Wow. I knew pegasi could control the weather but not to that extent," Ty thought out loud. Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy simply looked at each other with confusion.

"We didn't do anything to the wind," Rainbow Dash said with a confused and skeptical tone.

"Of course you didn't," Ty said as he lifted himself onto the balance. It didn't even move at first, but then it tipped sharply a few inches. Ty felt himself being raised. His eyelids drooped as he moaned, "Of course."

Applejack seemed slightly relieved, figuring he was nothing more than an 'insecure liar' who didn't want to share who he was at first rather than an actual threat. "Well now that that's cleared up, what're we s'posed ta' do now?"

"Maybe you could let me leave?" Ty mumbled to himself before getting loudly interrupted by Pinkie Pie.

"I know! We'll give him a tour of Ponyville!" she shouted, making everypony look in her direction. Most were rubbing their ears.

Ty felt like this could be a way out. "Eh, why not?" He looked around at the cartoonish characters in front of him. This ought to be an interesting tour.

Canon-ball

After the ponies waited for Twilight to go upstairs and say goodbye to Spike, they headed through town towards the town hall. Pinkie was leading the tour, much to the dismay of Ty's eardrums. As she hopped along, she rambled, seemingly more to herself than the ones she was guiding.

"That's the Quill and Sofa store. I forget what they have. There's Sugar Cube Corner, where I work. Golden Oaks Library, where Twilight lives."

"Yes, Pinkie. I know. I was just held hostage there," Ty grumbled while Pinkie pointed in the direction they were walking away from. Twilight just whistled behind him.

"Hehe... yeah, crazy..." she laughed nervously.

Pinkie shrugged and moved on. "Dr. Hooves's timey-wimey place, Ponyville Confectioner, Stale Pretzels..."

"Stale Pretzels?" Ty shot Pinkie Pie a very confused glance.

"Sure! I go there all the time! Mr. Pretzels is really nice!" she shouted.

Rarity leaned over and whispered to Ty, "Tends to talk to his bedroom wall, for some reason."

The ponies discussed small matters with Ty as Pinkie continued to ramble. Whether it was general stuff about their lives like their recent adventure at the Equestria games or personal stuff like Twilight's position as Princess of Friendship.

Ty always responded the way he felt fit, while providing them with some of his recent escapades they hadn't seen, like with Diamond Tiara or the zebra. He never mentioned any names. The majority of the elements started to feel he was more trustworthy than previously thought, despite being a bit sardonic.

Ty was going to carry the conversations farther when an ear-splitting shriek cut him off. "Here we are, town hall!" Pinkie said happily. It was a large building with a corkboard out front. Lost dog, found dog, reward: changeling, recently spotted, the like. Several streams of water floated near it. Pinkie noticed these and jumped in, splashing water everywhere.

Ty, who was now soaked, asked, "Is she always like this?" He felt like he already knew the answer.

"Pretty much," Rainbow Dash answered. "You get used to it."

Pinkie came back up with eyes closed and a mouthful of water. She spit it out in a stream and wiped her eyes, seeing Ty now even more soaked than earlier.

He grit his teeth and said dryly, "Somehow, I doubt that."

"Sorry!" Pinkie rushed up to him and pulled a towel out of... a place. She did her best to roughly dry him off. As she pulled it off, his mane seemed to get even more frayed, and the "bags" in his eyes seemed to dilate, filling more of his irises. "It's just there hasn't been a new resident in Ponyville for a while and I'm so excited and how could you not be." She dashed around talking to anypony and anything that would listen, even grabbing what seemed to be thin air. "Aren't you?"

Ty walked over. "Wait a minute." He grabbed where Pinkie had and felt something rectangular. On the end was a circle that reflected slightly. Ty instantly recognized the device. It was a camera.

"We're on air!?" He was shocked. So that was why characters like Pinkie and Discord could screw with the elements of the shows. The shows were filmed in-universe. Of course, that isn't what he was thinking at the time.

He reached for the camera and shook it around, bringing it towards his face. "Someone get me outta-" He was cut off as the camera disappeared. It just wasn't there anymore, bringing Ty's grip on it with it.

He fell, getting his muzzle stuck in the ground, sighing. He proceeded to pull it out before letting off, in an impeccable southern accent, "Dag nabbit, naggit, daggit..." He pounded a hoof against the floor in frustration. "Darnit!"

Well, I guess that confirms I'm in the canon universe. It explains why I was censored earlier at least. But how is Twilight an alicorn now? Is this an alternate timeline or some future where Twilight became an alicorn? Second option seems more likely since they're still in Ponyville and not much else seems to have changed.

He looked back at everypony, who were all understandably confused. All except Applejack, who was in a mix of shock and stifling a laugh.

She eventually couldn't hold it in anymore, on the brink of tears. "Now that is the best imitation of an Apploosan accent Ah've ever seen!"

Ty looked almost as confused as everypony else. "Okay... Not entirely sure whether you mean the accent itself or the near-swearing..." He looked around awkwardly.

'This doesn't feel right. I knew this was a cartoon but to this degree? I'm gonna lose the rest of my sanity if I spend more time here.

Here goes nothing.' He sighed, "If I give you a reason to trust me, will you let me go and live in the forest or something?"

Several ponies just looked at him in confusion. Pinkie even looked a bit let down. "But I was already planning a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party."

"I'm not quite sure that's a good idea. I just don't fit into this town." Twilight tried to ask what he meant by that, but he kept going. "This place practically runs on friendship, I can tell. I don't belong in a place like that."

"That's funny, because I thought we could have been friends." Ty snapped around and looked back at Pinkie.

"...What the hay are you talking about?"

"Well I just thought-" Pinkie was interrupted by Ty as his face contorted into pure rage and confusion.

"No, what in the name of the goddesses are you thinking? You pulled me out here for no good reason, and upon seeing something unique that doesn't immediately attempt to befriend you ya' immediately assume 'Oh, look everypony! It's the major antagonist of season seventeen!' And after everything I go through because of you, you honestly think I want to be friends!?"

Pinkie just staggered. "I-well, yeah! Isn't that the way the show works?" she asked, turning back to her friends.

They weren't much help. "Show?"

Ty turned towards Fluttershy and shouted, "That's what you're concerned about right now?"

Pinkie kept going anyway. "Every time we do something like this, the pony who rejected us wants to be friends at the end!"

"Yeah," Rainbow Dash counted on her wings. "There's Princess Luna when she was Nightmare Moon, the buffalo, Cranky, Trixie, Discord..."

"And I figured you would be like the other ponies!"

"I'm not a pony!" Ty shouted, unaware of who had heard him.

"Uh... Yer' not?" Applejack was bewildered.

I've gotta find a way to play that off. "No, ponies are friendship-obsessed dipwads who have no way to tell when they've gone too far. I'm not saying that they're all like that, that's racism. So no, I don't think I'm just a traditional pony you can slap in the background. I'm a misanthrope for a reason, and you're not helping that change!" He raged.

He sighed. "Holy crud, I just want to go home now."

"You have a home?" Rarity said. Ty just hung his head and turned around.

"*Sigh* No. I have my bush, my toque, and my very small will to live." Ty started to storm away. "I can't believe I'm stuck with a bunch of moronic, clingy, cartoon-" He was interrupted when he bumped into something. Being warm and fur-coated, he figured it was a pony.

"Whoops. Sorry, I..." He trailed off as he looked up at who he had bumped into. It was another white-covered horned mare with a mane in a spectrum of colors. Then he noticed the crown and wings on her back.

'Oh, no,' Ty thought. Twilight shot up to her while the rest of the elements bowed. Ty stood still, frozen. "Yay, more royalty for me to inevitably anger. There goes the last of the will to live."

"Hello again, Twilight," Princess Celestia greeted. "How's my ex-student?"

"She's overreacting, as usual." Princess Celestia looked down at the pony who'd bumped into her.

"Oh, you must be that strange stallion Twilight told me about," Celestia didn't know how strongly he would react.

"Hello, Sun-butt. I'm Ty and please excuse me for a second." He turned sharply in Twilight's direction. "Care to tell me the meaning behind what she just said?"

Rainbow Dash flew slightly above them, sulking. "Yeah sure tell her your name-"

"Yes!" Ty looked up in rage. "I'm not going to tell a bunch of oppressive strangers something I don't want them to know, but maybe it would be a good idea to be on more personal terms with the literal goddess who can send me to the moon if she wanted to! That would probably be an improvement over my current situation!" He snapped back over to Twilight. "Now what did you tell her about me!?"

Twilight's eyes zipped back and forth, mostly from shame but also out of shock. He'd bluntly insulted the princess of the sun, then admitted he knew what she could do. She didn't know if he feared her for it. "Oh, that. Remember when I went to say goodbye to Spike?"

"Twilight..." Ty groaned.

"I had him send a letter telling her about your recent appearance."

"Twilight... I knew you could get obsessive over the smallest things but really? You just had to contact the princess?"

"I-"

"Twilight." Princess Celestia looked at Twilight with a stern expression. "Is there something that wasn't in the letter that you want to tell me?" Everypony's eyes slowly moved to Twilight, who was lightly sweating in anxiety. "Is there a reason this pony is acting in such a fashion?"

"Well, I-"

"He seems mad about something but you never told me what. Also you mentioned he ran away at first. I'm assuming the reason he didn't do that again was that you convinced him he had nothing to fear?"

"That, wasn't the first thing we..." Twilight trailed off as Celestia had already figured what she did, shaking her head lightly in disappointment.

"Ty, I greatly apologize for anything these ponies may have subjected you-and he's gone."

The elements looked around and saw what Celestia meant. The pony they now knew was Ty had vanished.

"W-where did he go?" Fluttershy stuttered. Nopony answered since there wasn't an answer.

"Great..." Pinkie sulked. "We really screwed this one up."

Twilight walked over and put a hoof on her shoulder. "It's all right Pinkie. It isn't your fault."

"Yeah!" Rainbow agreed, landing right next to her. "It's not our fault he ran."

Twilight turned to her. "That's just it Rainbow Dash, it is our fault. If we would've been more considerate, he would've felt welcome. Now we'll never make it up to him."

"You'll be fine, Twilight," Applejack told the alicorn. "Ah got a feelin' he'll be back."

"I am never going back there!" Ty near-shouted through clenched teeth as he trudged through the Everfree forest.

"I don't know what they thought they were doing, and I don't care anymore. I'm never gonna' feel welcome there, and they can try and make me feel that way, but this whole race is the problem," Ty kept disagreeing with everything those mares had thought one horizontal rule ago, just as you would expect someone like him to argue with a bunch of cartoon characters. He agreed with one thing they said, though. This was their fault.

"I'm not a pony!" Ty shouted. In an adjacent alley, a pony watched intently. She pulled out a suitcase with a strange insignia on the front. It slowly opened, revealing several pairs of sunglasses, a grappling hook, and several papers. The mare grabbed a paper with a thumbtack still stuck to the top. It read, "Wanted : Changeling. Recently spotted on the outskirts of Ponyville in the Everfree forest." Said changeling looked like if you mixed a changeling with a changeling with Queen Chrysalis, retaining some of her elements like her eyes and mane but otherwise a normal changeling.

The mare smiled to herself as she whispered, "S.M.I.L.E.'s got you now, creep."

Author's Note

Holy crap this goes on forever. I honestly had to split this into two chapters, this and the last one. I guess it's for the best since we're moving past the intro.

Also, thanks to everyone who took the time to let me know what I screwed up on. I'll try to improve with the future chapters. I went back and fixed a few errors in the earlier chapters, too. ~~It might not always look like it, but feedback is always welcome, no matter how harsh.~~ Ignore that last part, I now know what a baby I am.

What an expected surprise...

"Hey Bon Bon!" The mare jumped as a unicorn appeared behind her, attracting unwanted attention.

"Hello, Lyra," Bon Bon said unenthusiastically.

"What're you looking at?" Bon Bon quickly shoved the suitcase out of view.

"This," she showed Lyra the poster. "I'm fairly certain it's that pony back there."

Lyra looked back at the pony she was pointing at. A completely white earth pony mare with a strange choice of hat. "Why her?"

"She's been lashing out for the last few minutes, she's a near-exact copy of Pinkie Pie, only white with a different cutie mark, and I've only noticed her here today."

"You sure she's only been here today? I saw Rainbow Dash carrying somepony who looked a lot like her last night."

"Why was... You know what, I don't care." Bon Bon turned back to Lyra, who was scanning over the poster.

"Were you interested in the reward?" Lyra looked up expectantly.

"Why?"

"Because there isn't one." Bon Bon quickly scanned over the reward section which was indeed empty.

"Who made it?" Bon Bon tried to find any identification for who wanted this changeling.

"Spoiled Rich," Lyra bluntly answered. Bon Bon face-hoofed at this act of greed before turning back to her suspect.

Her eyes widened as she viewed the scene. "Nevermind. Guess the princess's got 'em."

"What!?" Lyra's head popped out of the alleyway. She saw the "pony" staring up at Princess Celestia, who was talking to Twilight. Bon Bon started to think something was wrong as everypony's heads slowly turned to Twilight. Everypony's except one-the supposed changeling's, who was starting to slink behind a building.

"We've got to go do something!" Lyra said. Bon Bon nodded in agreement as they dashed out. Two inches out and they were slammed back into the alleyway by a very familiar pegasus.

"What're you guys doing this morning?"

Bon Bon sat up and dashed out the alley's entrance. "It's the middle of the afternoon and we're trying to stop that-" she stopped as she saw them lunge into the Everfree when the main six and Celestia were all focused on Twilight. "-Pony..."

"It's fine Bon Bon," she said while turning over to the mare who had bowled into them, "Hello, Derpy. Did you need something?"

"Not that I can remember," the wall-eyed mare said while scratching her head. "Who were you talking about? Celestia?" Derpy continued, pointing her hoof at a certain cream-colored mare.

Bon Bon simply replied, "No, it was a white earth pony mare that we think is this changeling," the confectioner showed Derpy the wanted poster.

Derpy got visually excited, "Ooh! Can I help?"

Lyra was going to say 'sure' when Bon Bon cut her off. "No thanks. I can handle it."

Lyra looked back confused. "You mean 'we', right?"

Bon Bon contemplated it a bit before reluctantly agreeing, "Fine, you can help, Lyra."

Derpy looked slightly disappointed, "Why her?"

"I still remember when I was in Canterlot during the changeling invasion. I learned the spell to un-disguise and stun them in case I ran into one again."

Bon Bon was relieved to hear Lyra had more magic in her arsenal than she first thought. "Exactly. Now come on Lyra, she went into the Everfree." Bon Bon strolled out as Lyra followed. Derpy waited a few seconds before shrugging and following them anyway.

Ty was walking through the dense trees, still complaining about his situation. "How am I even gonna' survive this? I guess I could just find a river and eat the grass that grows near it. Ponies still eat grass, right? It's not much different from hay." He leaned down and took a bite out of the long grass growing near a gnarled tree. Or attempted, as he was so weak even grass seemed to best him. "Well, let's hope eating isn't a requirement here."

He started to look for anything slightly more edible when a bush began to rustle behind him. He instinctively looked around for something to either defend himself with or make himself look more intimidating. Finding only a rock the size of his head, he reluctantly walked behind it, facing toward the bush

"Stop! I've got a rock and I can throw things so hard!" The bush stopped moving directly after his desperate shout. Ty could make out three figures hiding in the bush. The bush shot out several leaves as a flash of purple shot out and stopped... several feet below him.

"Freeze!"

"You can't be serious," Ty groaned as he looked down at the pony in front of him. The other figures began to step out. A unicorn popped out of the bush, glaring at the scene before her.

"Scootaloo!" She complained. "You blew our cover!"

Scootaloo turned and argued, "Applebloom's the one who made the bush rustle." This was answered by a small, yellow filly wearing an oversized, pink bow practically teleporting in front of her.

"Ah did not!"

Before the arbitrary lightning could form between their eyes, they were cut off by a disbelieving voice. "Aren't you the fillies who drugged your teacher? Great! Now I've got children that want me dead," Ty quietly complained. Of all the ponies to find him in here, the CMC would be extremely annoying.

"Dead!?" Sweetie Belle said in confusion. "We were just interested in this!"

Earlier, as Derpy was flying after Lyra and ~~Sweetie Drops~~ Bon Bon, the CMC watched on the road. "Ah wonder where they're going." They walked past the alley the mares came out of as they went into the Everfree.

"Wait, crusaders!" Scootaloo spotted something drifting around in the alley. The fillies walked up to the object the pegasus had seen. "It's a poster."

Completely ignoring the suitcase jammed against the wall, Sweetie Belle floated the parchment up to them. "So that's why they went into the forest. They must be after the changeling!"

"That's jus' gotta be worth a cutie mark!" Applebloom exclaimed before the fillies inhaled.

"You seriously wanted to get your cutie marks in bounty hunting?" Ty asked, interrupting the fillies's tale.

"Maybe?" Scootaloo answered. If anypony would be able to, it's them. Or a pony from a certain series about a nuclear fallout.

Ty squinted at the torn paper Sweetie Belle levitated before him. "There's no reward on that. At least I'm assuming, I can't read. But there's no big bold text. And that's a changeling. Albeit a weird looking one." There! Nobody but me would insult themselves so casually. No changeling would replicate that.

"That reward's gonna be our cutie marks! Now as we were saying..."

"Applebloom here thought it was you," Sweetie Belle bluntly admitted.

"Why me?" Ty was actually confused by this.

"When Derpy flew in that alley, we heard Bon Bon say something about a white, earth pony mare. We figured that was you." Sweetie Belle said casually before Ty startled her.

"PFFFT-HahaHA! I-I'm sorry. It's j-just that description is insane. I'm a stallion, you know that right?" They think I'm an earth pony? I might be able to use that.

"Well, yeah," Applebloom confirmed.

"That's understandable. The round chin, the smaller stature, the pronounced eyelashes. That all must mean I'm a mare. It doesn't matter that you all barely know who I am and you've never seen me before, right?"

"We did not say that!"

Ty looked down at Sweetie Belle. "Of course you didn't. That would be rude."

Scootaloo whispered softly to Applebloom, "I don't like the way this pony's acting. It doesn't feel normal."

Applebloom was about to answer. "Of course it doesn't," Ty leaned down and interrupted them, causing them to shout.

"After all..." he said while chuckling creepily, closing his eyes as the area around him started to glow a mix of cyan and purple. Dust began to rise around him in a swirling, almost dust devil-like typhoon.

"I'm not a normal pony." Ty's eyes pulled open as he leaned toward the crusaders, sporting a near-malicious grin and a stare that felt more powerful than Fluttershy's. As hard as that is to believe.

"O-Okay then, it was nice to m-meet you, but I think we better g-go!" Sweetie Belle hurriedly said, pushing Scootaloo back in the direction of Ponyville. Applebloom quickly scurried after them, not wanting to get left behind. Ty stayed staring at the bushes they'd exited through for a few seconds, before exhaling a large amount of air and letting the dust settle around him.

Well, that happened. I used a whole lot of concentration to nearly scare a bunch of children senseless. Am I supposed to feel bad about that, or do I feel proud of any magical ability? Ty questioned, leaning more into the first option. He didn't need to do that. They were a couple of years younger than him, and he could've just ran.

Feeling guilty and not entirely sure why, Ty just kept moving forward. Wanting to avoid letting the previous events fester, he hummed a tune he remembered from earth. He even started softly singing the words to the song, unaware of his quiet musical accompaniment.

He was also unaware of a gray shadow hidden behind several trees. It looked like the basic outline of an earth pony before Ty froze as the song concluded. The pony darted away before Ty muttered to himself.

"Wait, why did I choose to hum that? The whole point was to distract myself from feeling guilty, not just make me depressed about being here," Ty wondered, probably not taking into account he hadn't chosen that song.

Ty, currently lost in a state somewhere between confusion and anger directed toward Lauren Faust, walked partway out from the trees in front of him, looking out at a very familiar waterfall.

Author's Note

I couldn't think of a better way to end it. Also not sure how Hasbro would've gotten the rights to that song.

SMILE! You're on camera.

Author's Note

I know this hasn't been around for a long time, and I have no idea how you're all going to react to it. This wasn't very fun to write, and I don't know if it will be any fun to read, as it is just a (Slight?) rewrite of a former chapter I intended to scrap when it first came back. I'll try not to get anyone too upset, okay? Please? I don't want to screw up again.

I hope you're having a better day than I am.

-Ezekiel Namuh

SMILE! You're on camera.

"What's that guy's problem?" Rainbow Dash asked as she, the rest of the main six, and Princess Celestia were walking through Ponyville. "What did we do to him to make him run away?"

"Yes, that's what I want to know, Rainbow Dash," Celestia looked up sternly at the pegasus.

"If Ah'm bein' honest, your majesty, we kind of overreacted." Applejack pulled her hat off, "We had no idea who he was or why he kept tryin' to run from us, so we, uh, tied 'im up and asked him."

SMACK

Celestia rubbed her forehead, "Ugh... Of course."

"Well, we were just so confused as to why he would keep running from us like that, we felt like we had no choice," Rainbow Dash admitted.

"I will say I don't know why he would do that," Celestia pondered, "But that doesn't mean it was right to do that. It was actually a little cliche." She bent down next to Twilight.

"Just because a creature is confusing or flat-out different doesn't mean they should be treated like this. I think we all remember your incident with Zecora a while ago." Twilight nodded. "You're the princess of friendship and the elements of harmony. You should know everypony can be befriended if you treat them the right way, even if they seem otherwise."

"Wait," Rarity butted in. "If he said he lost his memory and couldn't remember his name, then how did he say his name was Ty? I'm sure he would have said if he'd remembered it just that moment."

"Cuz' he lied to us."

Everypony looked shockingly back at Applejack, a flat and unmoving expression on her face. Fluttershy spoke up from the back. "He what?"

Applejack turned back. "He's been lyin' to us the whole time. I could tell, he knows more than he wants us to."

"Well, that would explain the knowledge of old and previously unknown elements," Twilight wondered.

"And the magical surge in the Everfree a few days ago," Celestia added without acknowledging, you know, more elements.

"There was a what!?" Pinkie shot over and asked her.

Celestia responded, "Four days ago, a large burst of energy occurred just a short distance away from Sweet Apple Acres in that forest. Still, nopony knows what caused it. I've looked into it, and my best guess is Di-"

"I know what caused it!" Pinkie interrupted her by shouting, making the others look at her expectantly. "Grapes!"

"Grapes." Twilight looked unimpressed.

"Of course! He had weird purple marks in his eyes, right? And there's nothing purple shaped like that other than my sliced grapes."

"You eat grapes in slices?" Rarity (Among others) looked confused.

"Uh, yeah. Who doesn't?"

"...Okay... Well, on a related note, I'm looking forward to hear a more detailed and complete version of your story," Celestia said as they walked into the Golden Oaks library, in a tone that was sure to drastically change.

This was mostly the same place that Ty had remembered. After all, he fell off the cliff here. But "mostly" was included for a reason, being a new edge that jutted out to the left of the river. This confused him, but he quickly passed it off.

"Eh, wouldn't be the first time backgrounds changed..." he also started to consider a bigger meaning behind this. "But when things do change, it's always for a reason. Sure, that reason could always be 'We wanted it to look nicer', but this seems more... functional," he wondered aloud. His suspicions were quickly starting to confirm as the bushes behind him rustled.

He turned around, hoof between his eyes in dissatisfaction. "Holy crud. Do you fillies really need to hear this again? I'm not a changeling, I don't know where it is, and you need to leave me alone!" Oddly enough, the sound of shaking leaves intensified. The lack of a response unnerving him, he slowly crept forward.

I can barely see something moving, just slightly a different shade of green than the bush. Since I don't know what it is or if I even want to know, the best thing to do is get away from-

Ty's line of thought was cut short as a familiar mare shot out of the bush, tackling him back onto the outcropping.

Great, Lyra. Guess I found the purpose of the mystery rock.

"Found it!" She called over her shoulder. Ty said nothing, less out of defiance and more because she knocked the wind out of him. Getting worried, he tried to push her off. That unsurprisingly failed to get the pony off him as she stared down at him with her massive eyes in confusion. So he did the most reasonable thing he could think of.

"What are y-AGH!" Lyra recoiled off of Ty as he poked her in the eye. He rolled over onto his side, breathing deeply through his mouth in an attempt to make the effects subside.

"*Cough* Okay, sorry about that. But you did land on me and I didn't *Cough* couldn't think of a different way to get you off," he said before muttering to himself, "Of course the audience was probably screaming 'Just use your magic!' Cut me some slack, it was an impulsive decision."

Lyra was going to answer before Bon Bon walked out of the bush to Ty's right.

"Oh, great. You're here, too. Let me guess. You think I'm the changeling the CMC was looking for?"

"Uh... Yes?" Lyra shrugged.

"Ugh... Terrific. Typical misunderstanding conflict. You know what? I'm not doing this."

"What? What is that supposed to mean?" Bon Bon said, shoving herself in his path. She hadn't expected this, and still wasn't entirely sure this wasn't the changeling.

Ty had an exhausted look in his eyes as he regarded the mare in front of him. "You listening?" Lyra nodded while Bon Bon kept watching questioningly. "Okay. Grass grows, sun shines, birds fly, and me? I go alone. I'm a pone wolf... please forget I ever said that. That's the way I've always worked, and the... experiences I've had only enforced that."

"Experiences?" Bon Bon was getting more confused. Ty could tell, and he wasn't having it. He replied as anger slowly managed to build in his tone.

"Fantastic. This was a huge waste of my time. And in case you haven't gotten the message yet, which of course you haven't, look at who I've been surrounded by for the past few days, I'll put it more bluntly this time. I'm not a changeling. And if you still think so, you're crazy. I'm just a random pony you shouldn't care about, and I'm tired of ponies saying that I'm wrong."

Lyra and Bon Bon just looked at each other. Bon Bon specifically still didn't fully trust him, and this was an extremely weird way for a pony to be acting. Of course, we know the reasoning behind that.

"I'm taking my leave now, should I need to ask permission?" He snarled. Bon Bon mulled Ty's question over before walking over to Lyra and whispering something in her ear. Ty just looked on skeptically as Lyra's horn started to glow. A wave of golden light shot over Ty's mane down to his hind legs.

Just as fast as the magic started, it stopped. Lyra snapped back and held her horn in her hooves.

Bon Bon dashed forward to see what was wrong. Ty only got off the outcrop. He was concerned why Lyra was on the ground now, the spell couldn't have done anything since he wasn't a changeling. Then again, he wasn't a pony either.

Or maybe that was the whole point.

Lyra still sat rocking on the ground like a baby, though she was getting better. Ty backed towards the forest in fear he'd indirectly injured her.

His focus quickly shifted to the steaming confectioner stalking towards him.

Ty crouched to the ground awkwardly with legs that seemed like they'd collapse any second, forcing himself to look up at her. "Hey, look I didn't know what-"

Bon Bon cut him off with a growl. "You are going to stop blabbering about your stupid excuses."

"I-"

"Because of you my friend is writhing in pain on the ground over there!"

"If you-" Ty's face turned from fear to desperation.

"And what do you have to say for yourself, you stupid changeling!?" With that one word from Bon Bon, Ty's feelings immediately changed.

"You're going to be lucky if S.M.I.L.E. just decides to kick you back to the wastelands you came from! Some of our agents would gladly dissect you for intel. And if the honour of thanking you for attacking Lyra is granted to me, I swear to Celestia I am going to-"

"You what!?"

Ty roared in anger at the agent that was just staring daggers at him. His formerly human body wretched toward the sky as he pulled his forelegs off the ground, flexing them in hatred. The only thing left touching the ground were his hind legs, placing him upright and at double Bon Bon's height. He abruptly began shambling toward her as she backed up.

"You're saying you want to attack me because 'strange' things just 'happen' when I'm around? You wish me dead for reasons that I can't control?" Ty pointed an accusatory hoof at her and made all manner of manic movements. Bon Bon backed onto the outcropping in nervousness. Ty's shaking pupil's glanced downward at the steep ledge.

"You want answers? Then let me BUCKING talk!"

Bon Bon's hind legs started scraping off the end of the cliff. She only tried reason now. "C-Calm down, now. Why don't you just forget about all this a-and extend a hoof in friendship?" Ty snapped.

"This. Isn't. Friendship!"

Ty extended a hoof directly into Bon Bon's eye. She leaned back to grab at her head, sending her careening over the edge.

"JUST TUCK YOUR KNEES, YOU'LL BE FINE!" Ty shouted down at his former aggressor before she splashed into a curve in the river.

Ty stalked over to where the outcrop connected to solid ground, his frowning muzzle clenched together. That tends to happen when you're mad. You also tend to not watch where you're going. That little flaw was responsible for Ty tripping over someone for the second time since he got here.

He quickly pushed himself back off the ground, dusting off his chest after it made contact with the ground. He looked down at the mint mare who stared back up at him, while a grin spread across Lyra's face. Now normally, this would just confuse Ty. But as his vision drifted further down to his hind legs, then back up to the face of Lyra. 'The pony known in the fandom for one thing.'

Shock ran through Ty's spine as he made a beeline for the forest, attempting to run just as he was used to in a stumbling and scrambling frenzy. All in all, he was doing pretty well.

"Wait!"

A gold aura grabbed at the Ty's mane, pulling him down and onto his back. He stared up at the mare above him, half fearful and half angry. "Please don't get me thrown in a padded cell!" Mostly fearful. I don't know, the rapid flailing of his hooves and the rapid breathing kinda' makes him look like he's in a panic.

Lyra gently motioned with her hooves, trying to get him to stop cowering. "Hey! Hey. Shh. Calm down. I'm not going to get you arrested."

She gave him time to try and stand back up. This time on all fours again, each one shaking faster than an excited Pinkie. "What, really?"

"Of course not," Lyra said in a calming voice, though there was some curiosity in it. "Why would I do that?"

Ty looked at her dumbfoundedly. "Um... Did you not see me knock your friend off a waterfall? I somehow reversed your spell back on you? I did..." Ty stood back up on two legs for a moment, before collapsing back down to the more "natural" position. "That? Aren't you mad about any of that?"

Lyra responded, "I saw your face when the spell backfired, I'm fairly sure you didn't even know what you did. I'm not entirely sure why that happened, on a regular pony that shouldn't have done anything, but I'm no alicorn. My magic is a bit out of practice."

'If it supposedly does nothing to regular ponies, then I think I know why the spell backfired on her.' Ty still looked confused. "And what about her?" he asked while gesturing to the nearby waterfall. He shivered slightly and his pupils shrunk, his mind was still feverish. "Is this what murder feels like? Am I a murderer now?"

"What!?" Lyra looked shocked. "There's almost nowhere in Equestria high enough for a pony to fall and die from. That waterfall running through the Hush River is only around 50 feet tall."

Ty just stared at her while her words sunk in.

He slowly made his way over to the treeline.

He turned around, facing in the exact opposite direction.

THUMP

'Idiot.'

THUMP

'Moron.'

THUMP

'Stupid. Don't you ever pay attention to cartoon physics? I knew she wouldn't be injured that badly at least.' Ty finished bashing his head into a tree and approached Lyra again.

"I apologize for that, I've only recently ended up in the Everfree. I don't know what this place tends to entail. Is your friend still conscious at least?"

Lyra beckoned him towards the waterfall, as she was already peering down the cliffside. Her hoof had been raised and then waved side to side. Ty lowered his head beneath the grass's edge and spotted the cream colored mare waving back to Lyra. Said anthropology-related mare was just about to speak to Ty before being interrupted.

"Lyra! Stop conversing with the enemy!" The mare's shout elicited a scowl from Ty's snout, but Lyra seemed used to it.

"You see miss? She's just fine!" Lyra reassured him. Ty took notice to her getting his gender wrong, but he couldn't blame her. He'd essentially retired from correcting unaware ponies about it.

Ty would surely get used to it and he had already stopped caring too much. The exact opposite was true right after, as Lyra gave him a friendly slap on the back.

"OW!"

"Yeah! Get him, Lyra!"

"Shut it, Bon Bon!" Lyra bent down to check on Ty. "Don't worry about her. We'll be friends until the end of everything, but Bon Bon has always been a bit bullheaded."

"That's one way to put it," Ty retorted, his back still arched in pain. He had been knocked down from the impact and currently laid on his side. "She's one to talk, demanding I give her my life story before telling you to stop talking to me. Is she just a glory hog or what?"

Lyra pulled Ty back to his hooves (specifically and surprisingly, his hind hooves) before giving him her answer. "Nah, just competitive and a little short-sighted. But are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, it isn't terminal. Probably." Lyra continued looking Ty over as he brought his hooves up to his face. "I can't believe I just did that."

"Did what?" Lyra asked with confusion plastered on her face. "I've already forgiven you for knocking Bon Bon off the cliff, and if I didn't forgive you for hitting me in the eye earlier, I do now. We didn't know who each other were, and you were probably just defending yourself."

Ty rubbed the back of his neck. "I was talking about everything else. I've committed an 'act of violence' on one of the subjects of a certain ruler I've already ran away from, Bon Bon is probably still peeved and will undoubtedly seek SMILE's help, I barely even remember what Bon Bon said that made me so mad, and to top it all off, I did so through the use of an overused 300 reference," Ty listed as he flopped back onto his back. He only stayed on the ground for about a second before Lyra pulled him back up and onto his hind legs.

"I'm sure it will all work out. By the way, I think I've seen that movie you were referencing."

Ty's eyes widened slightly, even if it was hard to see since his eyes and coat are the same color. 'I'm not quite sure I believe that, although it's entirely possible a 'ponified' version of it exists in Equestria.' "Really?"

"You know, the one about the 300 human Spartans fighting off the Persians?"

"..."

"Miss?"

"..."

"Hello?"

"Where did you see that?"

"The movie?" Lyra asked nervously. "Um... I bought it through perfectly legal means, I assure you."

Ty just rubbed his lower forehead in frustration. "I'm not sure I want to know how you came into contact with the film anymore. Let's start with something simpler. Why did you buy it in the first place?" Ty began tapping his forehooves in anticipation. A small amount of worry, too.

Lyra's face lit up. "Oh! Well that's because I was learning about human culture, I've developed a real fascination for it over the past two days."

"Just two days?"

Lyra nervously rolled her hooves. "Well, that was when I first learned about them. I met a pegasus who mentioned them. Seemed really proud to know what they were, so I decided to jump in with the herd."

'For some reason I don't believe that... Are the writers screwing with me again? Ah, whatever. If it is true, I'll have to pay this pegasus a visit. See what I can find out. Speaking of which...'

"Well, I believe I should be going, but before I do I'd like to genuinely thank you for being more reasonable than... essentially anypony else I've ever met. I was thinking standing up like this would make me look strange to you."

Lyra passively waved a hoof. "You're perfectly fine. Walking on your hind hooves isn't exactly common, but some ponies do it from time to time. There are more secluded villages that think it's the superior way to walk, but tradition wins out. Most ponies around here would just think you look strange." She started giving Ty a look that made him feel slightly uncomfortable. "I certainly don't mind it."

"Alright then..." Ty mumbled before extending a hoof to Lyra. She shook it. "Thank you for not screwing me over as much as this stupid sho-... place has."

"You're welcome." Lyra gave him a warm smile. He couldn't help but find her at least a little endearing. "And good luck with whatever comes up next."

"Thanks. Believe me," Ty leaned forward a little. "I am not going to be the next Kenny Mccormick. At least I hope not."

Lyra watched Ty trudge back into the Everfree. "I wonder how she knows who that is?" she mumbled to herself before making her way down to find her friend.

Ty made his way through the trees with renewed confidence in each of his two-legged strides.

'A pony had finally given me a bit more of a chance, and I was sure not to reject it that time. I'd acted like a person. A person with psychological issues, sure, but a person nonetheless. I didn't be overly pacifistic, and while Bon Bon didn't either, Lyra still respected me enough to have a 'normal' conversation.'

'I am certain this experience in Equestria is going to turn around once I get out of these woods, maybe I'll even try and improve my social skills and find a town to settle down and hide in. After all, I am living in a cartoon now, a land of ponies who would hopefully be very nice if I dropped the cynicism. Maybe I'll just live the dream in Equestria, learn how to use magic, and do everything anyone who watches the show wishes for,' Ty thought with one main emotion: Hope.

Hope that became the second main emotion he felt after pain, when he unwittingly slammed into a tree. Dazed, he looked up at the oaken attacker that was rapidly descending upon him.

'Why Mother? Why wasn't I born a Mary Sue?'

CRUNCH

Queen me

Author's Note

1) Does anyone know the feeling when you're working on something, then just stop and have an anxiety attack, thinking that everyone that lays eyes on it is going to despise it? That was me the entire time I was writing this. And it's the worst right after you hit publish. Luckily, I'm getting better at it with time.

2) I've looked at other people's work, and mine in comparison looks really different. I don't know if this means I'm bad at it, or if it's just my writing style. I am unsure about all of this. Heck, I didn't even know what PM was until a few months ago.

3) I've got one more rewritten chapter after this, then it's a 'completely' original chapter. And I feel it's going to be a big one.

Queen me

"Alright then... Now what?" Ty groggily thought out loud. You usually aren't ecstatic about needing to wake up from some of the only 'sleep' (as in getting knocked unconscious AGAIN) you've gotten for the past few days, especially when you're stuck under a tree.

Ty mumbled a bit to himself before trying to lift the rotten hunk of wood off him. You can tell how well that went, as neither the tree or himself moved.

Ty sighed in frustration. He decided to sit there for a bit, not that he really had a choice. And when people don't have a choice, they tend to lose their positive attitude relatively quickly. 'Oh, man. What have I been thrown into? I'm stuck in a horse body, in a horse world, without a horse mind. Now I've gone and made myself look like a terrorist by not just pretending I lived here in the first place, and instead I kept running away from any pony who came near me. Is that all I'm going to be doing, running from the six ponies that have repeatedly saved their world before? They'll probably be even madder if the CMC or Bon Bon got their word to them. I'm probably considered just another antagonist to be blasted by the elements, the bearers being 'All your knowledge are belong to us', 'Random creep gets hurt-no more questions', 'Lying is for sinners-no, I don't care why they're lying', 'Be my friend or suffer the consequences', and the two mares who don't have many problems other than for the love of my God himself voice your opinion for once. Pinkie isn't that bad either'

At least I'm probably in the right, and maybe some other villain cropped up. Then once they're done with them they'll forget about me. I could just sit around in the Everfree, and the Lord knows I'm not staying in Ponyville, land of all those cartoon physics I don't have. I'd be killed there, if their opinions of me now don't change. But knowing me, they'll probably get worse.'

'To top it off, Celestia probably isn't even telling them off for this. After all that, and of course she's going to side with the elements. As for now, I'm getting desperate. Hopefully Lyra's still around.'

"Hello?" He shouted. Or maybe Ty would get another response.

He did get a response, but Ty didn't think those crickets would be of much use. The crickets did cover up a sound similar to someone saying "eggs", but Ty didn't pay much attention to it. Maybe the word was "begs." Or "legs." Perhaps even "questionaires." What? RhymeZone said they all rhymed...

"Help!"

Still nothing.

"*Sigh* One more try to get out," Ty groaned as the weight on his back was starting to get more painful. He tried his magic again. He was able to lift a very small amount of dust with it, so maybe he'd gotten better over time.

The area around him filled with that familiar blue and purple glow, although Ty swore there was much more blue than purple when he last used it. It was roughly 50/50 this time, maybe even more purple. But that wasn't what he was focusing on. He intended to get this log off of him. Of course, the tree barely moved.

Ty groaned in exhaustion. "So I can't pick up large objects, I can pick up small objects like particles of dust or sticks, and weird light blue flower bits explode the moment I try to grab them. Good to know, very unhelpful." Ty muttered. His head was the only thing he could even move, as everything else was pinned under the tree.

"Maybe if I try really hard, I can teleport out of this place. I haven't studied magic or have any idea how it works, so it's a fool's hope. But I am a fool and technically a foal, so It might apply. Even if they say 'foal's hope' or something like that."

Ty closed his eyes and concentrated. He'd done magic before, but he'd also had bad luck with it. He almost definitely wouldn't get it to work, and if he did he'd probably teleport into the wall of Ponyville bank. But he needed out and this was one of his last options aside from waiting.

The familiar multicolored glow filled the air again. He heard the semi-familiar chime of magic start, before it began to intensify. Ty wasn't completely sure if he was close to getting it, but he did feel something working. Eventually his concentration was broken by a light thud. His eyes shot open and took in the surrounding area. The first thing he noticed was the tree on his back. The second thing he noticed was that he hadn't moved. The last thing he felt was a burst of wind from above him that shot directly downward onto him.

Frantic, he looked up at where the wind came from. The only things he saw were a rapidly fading aura from his magic and a red and gold streak in the sky, probably from some pegasus learning to fly.

Somewhat disappointed he didn't see much to be intrigued in as the streak had already faded, meaning the pegasus was gone, he lowered his head and rested his chin on the ground. His muzzle ended up facing right beneath the origin of the wind. And right in that spot was something that caught his eye.

"Where did this come from?" Ty questioned as he attempted to pull the metal object closer to him. It was a yellow disk split in two and connected with a hinge. It also had an engraving on the front, looking like someone tried to make a hummingbird, but messed up and ended up making some Frankenstein abomination of a hummingbird, toucan, and cardinal mixed together.. And it certainly hadn't been there before.

If it weren't for the button on the top, I would've thought it was a frisbee. But Ty is smarter than me.

"Hello? Is this anyone's?" Ty asked no one in particular. 'I should really stop shouting, I don't want to attract any more timberwolves,' Ty thought, before immediately ignoring his own advice.

"Wow, I haven't seen a pocket watch this fancy since my mother and I went on that trip to the Black Hills. This place is really making me miss Earth."

"So that's where you're from..."

Ty froze up.

"*Ulp* How much of that was out loud?"

Celestia was holding her head in her hooves. "So let me get this straight... I send you to Ponyville with the prospect of making friends. You do so well and learn so many friendship lessons that you gain the title of the princess of friendship. And the thing you do with all that knowledge is take a pony who doesn't want anything to do with you, barely consider their reasonings behind running from you, unlawfully imprison them, and then attempt to force them into a friendship with you?"

Twilight chuckled nervously. "Well, uh, we actually don't know why he keeps running."

Celestia frowned. "One of many things you have so idiotically forgotten."

She looked almost offended. "What do you mean by that?"

"He told you himself. Remember the conversation he had with you a moment ago?" They all nodded. "Then you remember what he has been through. Even though Ty was lying about a few things, he has a reason. Ever since Ty woke up in the Everfree, with no knowledge of how mind you, he has been running from things. It's gotten to the point where he felt the need to run from fillies."

The mares shifted their hooves around, memories of Ty's off putting conversation topics only just coming back.

Celestia scowled. "And his already degenerative state isn't being helped by your downright ludicrous antics. You girls need to consider the moral implications of what you do, before you do it. You can't expect him or any other pony to think higher of you for enacting justice on pure opinion and bias. He is just another pony, only with a different mind. One that is being shaped by how he is treated."

Celestia sighed. "Now, I know this isn't like you so I'm going to give you another chance. But this time, be more considerate. He's not at his best right now, so give him some comfort. Give him a reason to befriend you, instead of trying to force it on him."

"But why should we?" Applejack asked. "If he's been lyin' to us about nearly everything, how are we supposed to trust him?"

Rainbow flew in front of her. "He's what?"

Applejack froze, then chuckled nervously. "Oops. Ah guess I should've said this earlier, but yeah. Ty's lied about a ton of stuff."

"Which is exactly my point," Celestia interrupted. "They keep lying and running because Ty isn't... well in the head, not being helped by you. And because now I'm not asking."

"O-Okay, then. I guess we'd better get going." Fluttershy piped up from the back as she started to slip out the door.

"What?" Celestia asked before she could get all the way through. "Did you think I was done with you?"

Fluttershy turned back nervously. "Well, I-I guess-"

"HAHAHAHA-NO!"

"What in all of Equestria were you six thinking!? Have you gone insane or are you all seriously just that stupid!?" Celestia turned and slammed a door behind her, presumably one to a broom closet. "The six of you need to get a grip instead of blindly doing whatever just so the ones above don't have to be creative! This place bucking sucks, you ruined it, I'm gonna go drink-"

Accompanied by a loud bang, Celestia was interrupted by a bright flash emanating from her side of the door. Twilight slowly and nervously opened the closet again, only showing extremely dark scorch marks on the inside. Likely the result of a hasty and angry teleport.

"Well that's not very reassuring," Pinkie muttered.

None of them really knew what to do after that. "Let's just... uh... go," Rainbow suggested, getting various muttered agreements from mares who kind of just wanted to leave.

The six of them walked out of the library, not entirely knowing what to do next. But this story would be somehow more boring than we already think it is if they just stood around for an hour, so let's up the danger by adding some children.

All shouting in carefully prepared imperceptible gibberish, the three afore-implied fillies tumbled out of the forest that the bright founders of Ponyville decided to live next to. Thanks, Granny Smith. You went senile at 60. MONTHS.

Anyway, if you could call the holocaust a 'little' issue, then the elements were a little confused.

"Applebloom?" Applejack rushed over to attempt to pull her sister out of the panic pretzel. She succeeded rather quickly, holding her in front of her while she was still squirming around like a lion cub. "What has gottten into you?"

As Rarity and Rainbow went to get their respective crusaders, Applebloom began explaining their experience with the grace and style of a desperate politician. Making absolutely no sense. For the safety of your eyes and a certain someone else's sanity, her attempt to relay her message in babbled (accidentally) demonic tartarus-talk will not be written.

It will be translated though.

"Weird [flipping] demon [thing] from [Hell]! That [abomination] made a [darn] dust devil an' tried to [wreck our [stuff]]! Now we gotta [run fer the hills] before-"

A Stetson in her mouth stopped her from going too far.

"Applebloom! Language! Y'all remember why we've been growing that Jonathan tree ever since our ancestor George Appel discovered the baked apple vinegar you can make from them?"

"No!" Applebloom pleaded. "Don't make me eat a Jonathan!"

Applebloom's further hysteria was cut short by Applejack, who sighed in exasperation. "It's okay. You were panickin', I can forgive that."

"Who's George Appel?" Sweetie asked the adults near her.

Twilight was perfectly inclined to flex her knowledge again. "He was a bank r-" The bookworm's rant was cut short by a wet stetson being shoved over her muzzle.

"Teller! He was a bank teller."

"Ah thought you said great grampy George was a criminologist?" Applebloom asked.

"Uh..." Applejack's green eyes darted back and forth. "Hey, uh, how about y'all tell us more about that thing that showed up?" The element of honesty finished with a smile and scrunched up muzzle.

Applebloom glared for a bit before continuing. "Oh, right! White coat and mane. Looks like Pinkie. Got a busted up cutie mark. And apparently it was... Was she a mare or a stallion, gals?"

Scootaloo and Sweetie just shrugged confusedly, both giving the exact opposite answer. Very nonchalant when compared to the others' reactions.

"That's Ty!" Twilight exclaimed. Good job Twilight, we never would have figured it out without you.

"Did he hurt you fillies at all?" Applejack sternly asked.

Luckily for Ty, the crusaders were much more sensible than they might appear. Children don't get enough credit. "No, he just kinda' blew some wind around and told us to go away," Scootaloo answered. "Honestly, it was our fault he got that way since we just kinda showed up and started yelling things. But then he started getting all creepy and and doing stuff that looked less like a magic act and more like something out of a Jason Vorhooves movie. The ones with the earth pony who does things like teleport and give me nightmares."

"Scoots, all he did was do an impossible feat of nature for an earth pony. We live in the same neighborhood as Pinkie."

"Oh. Right," she muttered against Sweetie's irrefutable logic.

Meanwhile, 20,000 meters west and 19,998 meters east...

"Pinkie... Pinkie... PINKIE! That's it!" Twilight exclaimed, punctuating each word with a hoof-tap to the forehead. She turned to address the party pony, asking, "Pinkie, do you know how Ty keeps doing these things? You've turned up in potted plants before, do you think he's doing the same thing every time he disappears?"

She brought a hoof to her chin in thought. "I dunno' Twilight. It doesn't quite feel the same as when I do it. With me, I feel like I'm just having fun! With him, I just feel he's scared." Pinkie explained further, her next sentence eliciting a look of discomfort from the other elements, "It's like he doesn't like friends, and that's the reason everypony he's met he's run away from. Us, Zecora, the princess, even Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon."

Pinkie's rather astute observations didn't quite get the response anyone wanted, as the first thing that happened was Scootaloo bursting into laughter.

"Seriously!? The pony we met in the most dangerous place in Equestria nearly wet himself because of those snotty brats?" Scootaloo's eyes were watering up for some reason. I don't get it, why is it funny? (Sums up the comedic part of this story perfectly.)

Rainbow added, "Yeah, I found it pretty funny, too."

"Hold on," Sweetie asked. "If he ran away from our classmates, then why didn't he do the same with us?"

None of them entirely knew the answer to that. "He's got to have some kind of pattern to his actions," Twilight theorized. "Some kind of reason why the severity of Ty's actions are escalating."

"You bet your butterscotch he's got a reason!"

Every mare there quickly looked to the source of the voice. A completely drenched and limping Bon Bon being helped along by Lyra. "He's a violent changeling!"

"Bon Bon, you saw what happened with the scan. Whatever happened to me wasn't his fault. He looked shocked, and I'm not exactly a master spellcaster."

"Stop defending him!" Bon Bon whined. She was soon met with the sympathies of a unicorn sprinting up to her.

"Bon Bon?" Rarity looked shocked. "What happened to you?"

"That little love-sucker pushed me off a cliff!" She shouted.

Lyra retorted, "No, he hit you in the eye because you were harassing him. You were completely welcome to fall in any other direction. Besides, I've seen you take much worse than falling into water. Plus, you're faking that limp for sympathy."

"Shut up Lyra."

Twilight decided to butt in and ask, "So he did this in self defense?"

Lyra, hoof over a no longer limping Bon Bon's mouth, interrupted her by answering, "Yes. Once Bon Bon here fell into the river, he calmed down. You know, after I assured him I wasn't going to get him locked up in a mental hospital."

Twilight put a hoof to her chin in thought. "Whatcha thinkin' about, Twilight?" Rainbow asked, the others also noticing her calculating expression.

"I think princess Celestia was right," she explained. "The more happens to Ty, the worse his reactions get. He may not have been a villain to begin with, if he thought two random fillies were out to get him. But he's getting closer, especially if his special talent is anything to go by. And the only way I think we can tell is by observing first-hoof."

"So we find him, and get him help if he needs it?" Fluttershy asked.

"Either that... or it's the rainbow laser for him. It's really up to Celestia. She's the one who rules over him, after all," Twilight muttered.

"Hey," Pinkie added. "There's always the middle ground of throwing him a farewell party and letting him try to survive in the Everfree."

"That's... well... that could happen."

"He wouldn't last another day out there," Rainbow said in a vaguely insulting manner.

"Yes, yes, that's a very good point, Rainbow," Rarity added, giving them their last reason to head back into that stupid, stupid forest. Where ambitions go to DIE. Along with a bunch of other things, such as any life that isn't a flipping monstrosity.

"... So, do you guys want to go make caramel?" Bon Bon asked.

"With children?" Lyra asked while holding a hoof to the side of her head.

"We won't get that sticky..." Sweetie ironically muttered, seeing as she was usually the one to get sticky the most.

"No, it's that..." Lyra paused, "You know what? Bon Bon, can you bring these fillies home? I'm going to go practice my lyre," Lyra lied, before she walked away along the edge of the forest and towards her house.

"Hey-Hey... Uh, Rarity?" Ty chuckled nervously, hoping the creature behind him wouldn't take advantage of his situation. "Fluttershy? Is that you?" 'I couldn't recognize their voice, but it sounded familiar. Like Rarity mixed with someone else.'

"What kind of parent would name their kids something as stupid as that?" The voice asked, accompanied by the sound of strange hoofsteps. It definitely sounded feminine. "But that's not why I'm here."

Ty audibly gulped. "Then why are you here? Wait, scratch that. Who are you?"

He heard a short laugh from behind him. The hoofsteps got closer and louder, making it clear whoever walked on them did not have normal hooves. It was right behind the oak before she spoke again. "I have no idea why I'm here in horsey-land, but I think it's because of you. So you tell me where we are, and I help you instead of reporting you to the horses chasing after us."

'Us?' Ty wondered. "Wait, there are..." Ty stopped as he started feeling pressure on the tree pinning him to the ground, whoever was behind him must have been leaning on it. Straining, he focused on answering "Never mind, we're in a place called Equestria. Hi, my name is Ty-OW!"

Ty stopped as whoever was behind him jumped on top of the tree. But through his squinting, he just barely made out the figure looking down at him.

"I KNEW I remembered you! It's me, Amelia!" The black figure Ty now recognized jumped off and started trying to lift the tree off of him with legs littered with holes. He watched her as she attempted to move it, analyzing the transformation she had also went through.

Ty gasped, accompanied by a strange 'poofing' noise from right above him. He swore some kind of pressure was weighing his head down. Oh, well. More pressing matters at the moment. 'She's the changeling from the wanted poster! And I knew I recognized her voice from somewhere, I just got confused by that weird doubling filter thing changelings speak with!' "Wait! I know you! Wait, no I don't... Oh, yeah! You're from my school! There are others aside from me here!" he shouted with a slowly widening grin, dampening slightly immediately after. "You're... Caden's girlfriend."

"Totes," she answered in a tone that made Ty cringe. "I'm gonna miss him."

"Please don't remind me," Ty pleaded as he watched her shove her hooves under the tree pinning him down. He definitely recognized her from the wanted poster, but that was just her face. Said face had green eyes with slitted pupils and a slightly warped horn. Her bluish-green hair was tied back behind her head, a ring of changeling slime just below the level of her chin holding a ponytail in place. Her tail also had a ring holding it together near the tip. Just as his toque had come with him, Amelia appeared to have been pulled into Equestria with her lime-green scarf and a few similarly-colored wristbands, woven through one of the holes in her foreleg.

Amelia continued to strain herself, making more progress than Ty had, but still no more than half a foot. She was also muttering about his magic, as she didn't know what it was. Ty himself was rambling excited questions. "Where have you been all this time? Have you met any other..."

Ty trailed off as he heard twigs snapping, each one getting closer to them. The sound of Amelia talking about the pocket watch and something about blue holes faded from his attention, replaced with snapping wood, grass brushing around, and some deflating sound right above him. He saw a flash of color moving through the trees, head covered in something brown.

Ty bit his lip.

"Amelia!" Ty hissed. "Maybe you should go!"

The black, green-eyed changeling looked back at him in confusion. (Don't worry, she got confused a lot, you'll learn more about her later.) "Why? Don't you want me to get this off you?"

"No, just listen," he whispered in a hurried tone. "I saw you on a wanted poster. I don't know what happened to you, but something's going to find you here. So leave before somebody else sees you!"

She looked at him funny while buzzing her insect-like wings before hearing another twig snap, making her decision to go hide somewhere nearby.

"Thanks for distracting those two ponies who were chasing me earlier! I'll be right behind you!" She whispered to him before they both heard the brush in front of them separate. Ty saw a flash of green behind him right before hearing another pony's muffled laughter. His head shot up to his right, finally seeing who had approached them.

"You really ought to stop finding yourself in situations like this, darling."

Back to breakdown

Author's Note

So... you know how most of my chapters are 1,000 to 3,000 words? To heck with that, I guess. Either way, the chapters are probably going to be longer than they were before as I go forward, but if you prefer the longer or shorter length I can always adapt.

Also, sorry if this one feels cramped. It's kind of supposed to, but I don't think I've got it quite yet.

Also, I'm apologizing for how slow I'm writing lately. I have enough free time to write more than I do, but sometimes I just don't want to do it. I know that's unfair to you all, but all I can do is apologize and try to get better at this.

Back to breakdown

Ty stared up at the mare he probably expected to see least aside from... Applebloom, I guess. Rarity looked back with a vaguely apologetic look, although that may have just been her trying not to complain about all the twigs stuck in her carefully maintained mane. Ty was trying his best to be unreadable.

"You know, I'm really trying not to be rude here," Rarity uttered, "But you look dead. What happened to you?" Rarity got no answer as Ty had pulled his head underneath the tree.

"Nothing," Ty whimpered. "Now go away. I'm a grown-up, I can handle myself."

Rarity cut him off with more muffled laughter. "Ty, you told us yourself. You're a 15 year-old colt. Although your use of the word 'grown-up' is childish enough to tell." Remembering the reason she was there, to help him, she walked over to do her best to get him out. She only lifted it around three inches, but it was enough to see him huddled in a corner of the trench the tree had dug during it's descent.

"Why are you here?" Ty whined as he huddled in the corner farthest away from her. "I ran away from you guys, twice! Why would you want to come back? Am I that irritating?"

Rarity looked at him apologetically. "Not you by yourself, but you know what they say. 'Words show one's wit, but actions their meaning.' And neither one of yours have been particularly honest," she finished with a scowl. Ty widened his eyes in shock.

"What do you, uh, mean?" Ty raised his head a bit in attention. He still did his best to hide further back under the tree, before letting his head drop against the ground again. "*Sigh* Why do I care. I can see where this is going."

Rarity, confused with where he was taking this but also a bit preoccupied with pulling some wood out of her mane. She asked in her usual way, "Whatever do you mean?"

"Oh, come on, you know where I'm taking this." In all truth, Rarity knew how odd Ty's answers could be to questions asked of him. She could guess something completely random and get it exactly right more often than not. He continued.

"You show up, the other five follow. You convince me to stop running away from my problems, which serves as the moral. You convince me to live happily ever after in Ponyville. Once the episode ends, you begin noticing how sheerly unlikeable I am. My strange actions single me out so no one else wants to be friends with me other than you six. You slowly begin to hate me. You let a short amount of time pass..." Ty looked up at her solemnly.

"I'm thrown into a padded cell so nopony else has to deal with me. I've seen this story before. I've caused nothing but problems," he muttered. 'Not to mention the many other reasons like my non-existent social skills, luck, and my old life. I'll probably create so much damage to the hospital they cut costs in two days. *Sigh* By euthanizing me. That's the only thing the writers would do with me, after a minor antagonist.'

Somehow, Rarity took this as a joke.

"Oh, come on Ty," she chuckled. "There must be something you're good at aside from running."

A flickering section of cyan and purple aura did its best to lift a medium sized stick from behind Rarity to the tree pinning Ty down.

"Yeah, that's very helpful." Ty remarked while his tone was growing in frustration. "Name something even I couldn't screw up."

This seemed to grow Rarity's excitement, distracting her from the film of magic hovering behind her. "I'd be willing to let you help out around the boutique! Dying cloth can't be that hard for you to do."

"Could you give me that stick?" he asked impassively. He stuck a hoof to the opening his head used to be in. Rarity turned to find the object he was referring to, floating right in front of her muzzle. Obviously not expecting that, she jumped back in surprise. The small piece of wood fell from the weakly shaking aura, before it dropped right in front of Ty's outstretched hoof.

"Thanks," he said to the now recovering mare. He didn't entirely know why he was thanking her, as all she did was jump in shock. He just felt he should've said that. Ty never came off as being sarcastic, not intending to, either.

Rarity watched in awe as the wood on the ground was surrounded by magic again. The aura slowly attempted to lift the stick onto his hoof. Ty strained to keep using his horn, before the flow of magic cut out abruptly and dropped it on him. Ty's hoof immediately hit the dirt, weighed down by the immense power of a 2-pound stick.

Ty whined in discomfort as the magic surrounded the stick again, flinging it off his hoof and sailing behind the tree on top of him.

Struggling to catch his breath, he followed up his demonstration. "That is why I-"

BONK

"OW"!

The two pony's conversation (One pony's, really. Rarity was still getting over what Sweetie Belle had told her about him. Both that he had these abilities and that her sister found him threatening.) froze when they heard the distinct sound of a piece of wood striking another creature's cranium.

"Whoops. I think might've hit a timberwolf or something." He whispered his lie. He knew full well the identity of miss migraine, but he figured it would generally be a good idea to grant her anonymity. Something his boring, cookie-cutter self had yearned for, and missed. Ty continued. "Anyway, that's why I can't, I'm not even strong enough (physically). And think about this. Would you even want the pony under this tree to live in the same place as you? You've seen the picture on my flank. Picture it."

Rarity's mind did slowly tear away from her earlier thoughts to imagine his proposal, but all she got was a discouraging image of her right after getting home. She imagined cloth had somehow gotten everywhere. Dye was covering everything, and her pet cat Opal was trying to claw down a particularly large piece of cloth somehow stapled to the ceiling. And wrapped in that cloth, twitching nervously, was Ty.

She shook her head to get the disturbing image out of her mind. "You are very strange, you know that Ty?"

"Just depressing," he responded, finding the courage to stick his head out again. "I also tend to have ponies trying to kill me."

Rarity barely kept a level head as Ty attempted to bring another, suspiciously similar looking stick towards the tree. "I never should've thrown the first one. Not even sure why I did. Guess I just panicked," he muttered while wedging the stick between the tree and the ground.

He attempted to use it to leverage his magical strength, but his concentration was shattered when a burst of laughter made him snap the log in half.

Angered at his interruption, Ty looked to the bushes the sound was coming out of, and spotted the five sources coming out with it. The rest of the elements of harmony. All laughing at him. Even Fluttershy had been giggling softly.

"Yeah, I get it," Ty frustratingly muttered. 'I've dealt with this kind of thing a few times before, and it would be nice to not be constantly reminded of-why are they still laughing?'

"I get it!" Ty snapped with raising annoyance. They were still laughing, joined by something else now. Rarity wasn't laughing, and there wasn't anyone else around aside from a certain changeling, so why are there multiple... 'Hang on'

"Is that a flipping LAUGH TRACK!?"

Silence followed. The laughing stopped, so that was good. What wasn't good were the collection of mares that were now staring at Ty quizzically.

"You've heard me say weirder things than- Oh, forget it." Ty stopped grumbling and shifted his body so his legs were facing upward. He pushed with all his strength, and all his limbs. He even tried using his tail, but that didn't help much. After it didn't move at all, he gave in. "Are you going to help, or are you going to insult me? Pick one already!"

Applejack shrugged and sauntered over to the fallen oak. "That depends, insect."

Ty didn't respond to that. Heck, he barely even moved. The way she said it just upset him.

"...You, uh... Bon Bon talked to you, didn't she?"

"Ignore Applejack," Pinkie assured as Applejack stretched a little. "She's just having a little fun with you."

Twilight also responded with, "Besides, I don't think Bon Bon's at her best right now."

'No, but she was close.' Ty thought as he nervously swallowed, "Hey, could I ask you a question?"

"Sure, fire away," Rainbow muttered. "It's not like I was expecting anything from you."

"Okay, so... um..." Ty mumbled, tugging at his neck with a hoof. "What would you say if Bon Bon was actually correct?" he asked while wincing in nervousness.

The question got a few confused looks from the ponies, not that Ty wasn't used to it at this point.

"You mean, if you are a changeling?" Twilight asked, before thinking, 'But that can't be right, Lyra said she checked him. Unless... she got the spell wrong.'

She kept going, "Well, I wouldn't worry about that. Ever since the wedding of Shining Armor and Princess Cadence, changelings aren't allowed in Equestria."

"And if you were one, you would've been locked up with the others already!" Rainbow continued for her.

Presented with this information, Ty stared slack-jawed at the ground in front of him, mulling over... around two different scenarios before Applejack decided on her moment (given Ty's 'special talent,' one of the worst moments) to buck the log off him. Only it didn't just roll off, it got sent flying!

The tree went airborne for at least four seconds before finally shattering completely around twenty feet away. Applejack flexed one of her forelegs. "Whew, still got it."

She continued gloating to her self as Ty slowly got up, staring at the shattered remains of the log two others had failed to lift more than a few inches. He almost didn't hear the gasps coming from the ponies behind him.

Ty glanced back at the crowd behind him. All but one had slack jaws and were staring at him. Except for Applejack, who was still bragging about her expertise at kicking trees.

Eventually she stopped, too, freezing up to gawk at his stance with the rest of them.

Ty himself rapidly glancing around, thinking of every possible outcome. Their current state, Applejack's strength, Amelia's safety, and his own life all swirled together into one collective, 'I'm boned.'

Or, as Ty put it in his own words...

"I need to get out of here."

In that one moment, Ty blanketed the ground in his magic. Dust stirred into the air surrounding him as he bolted away from the elements of harmony, leading them away from the actual changeling.

"Hey! Where'd he go?" Pinkie shouted looking around the dust cloud for the tell-tale outline. Of course, it was not there.

"There he is!" Applejack's voice, hoarse from all the dust inhalation, echoed in Ty's ear's as he sprinted away.

Rapid hoofsteps quickly rang out, following Ty's. It became immediately apparent that getting Ty to calm down would no longer be their main objective. Ty glanced over his shoulder to see two mares following far behind him. Pinkie was busy helping Applejack, who was stuck in a patch of grass, while Fluttershy and Rarity hadn't bothered to follow at all.

Each group was having their own discussions. Fluttershy and Rarity debated even going back before inevitably deciding it be good so they could act as a mediator.

Pinkie finally helped Applejack get unstuck, though they had a hard time realizing what she was actually stuck in. Rainbow and Twilight followed right behind him, Rainbow stating that he seemed faster than usual. Twilight was ignoring that sentiment, though you could faintly hear her trying to get Ty to be somewhat reasonable, shouting things like: "Why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

And Ty himself... Thoughts were running through his head so fast, he couldn't even tell what he was thinking.

One emotion that stuck out was surprise, as a flash of purple light temporarily blinded him. Rubbing his eyes with his wrists (Yes, horses technically have them), Ty's vision cleared enough to see a very determined-looking Twilight staring him down while hovering in place.

Just the expression on her face reminded him of the knowledge-obsessed mare he'd come to think of her as. The fact she might've saw him as just another test to be observed or problem to be solved already made him angry. Yet despite all that, he chose to yell...

"This statement is false!"

Twilight looked at him concerningly. "Are you okay? Because that... wait," she stammered as she slowly dropped to the ground with growing confusion on her face. "How does that make sense?"

Ty blew right by her, though he also had a look of confusion on his face. He was thinking something along the lines of, 'Did that actually work?'

He had to glance behind him to make sure, but somehow Twilight was more focused on figuring out Ty's screwball of a statement. She didn't even falter as Rainbow flew up to her.

'Holy crap, that actually worked! I guess being in a cartoon can be a good thing,' Ty thought as he watched Rainbow try to shake Twilight out of her thinking. Applejack and Pinkie had finally managed to catch up to those two. Fluttershy and Rarity were just barely visible, making their way over in a hurried walk.

Rainbow backed up to say something to Applejack, though he couldn't hear what the earth pony had told him. All he heard was Rainbow's shout.

"He's what!?" Ty had no time to mull it all over, as Rainbow quickly dashed at him.

Streaks of rainbow-colored light emanated from behind her as she flew over him. Ty was forced to duck down onto the more natural position for ponies to run just to avoid her. Rainbow turned around after her first attempt, albeit not very fast. Ty had to shift his path around her, a fairly easy task when you're not very top heavy. That small victory was quickly overshadowed by him nearly charging straight into her again, due to her dashing right in front of his path. That forced him to change course again.

That process continued multiple times, forcing Ty to make a mental note that this would be twice as hard if Pinkie was the one mad at him. After all, he couldn't break the laws of physics.

He needed a chance to break the cycle. One which might be coming from her next charge, accompanied by her shouting, "You embarrassed us in front of the princess, you little bugger!"

Less and less space closed between Ty and Rainbow. She was flying with less than a couple inches of space between her chest and the forest floor, likely attempting to sweep his legs out from under him. "I say we do this the old fashioned way, beat the bad guy into oblivion! Face him head on!" she yelled, with a face showing just how determined she was. Or maybe how excited she was.

Ty shrugged as nonchalantly as he could, showing no enthusiasm whatsoever. "Eh, prankster planet, prankster rules." Rainbow had to react as Ty quickly leapt above her line of vision.

Situations reversed as Rainbow was forced to stare up at Ty's form. He was squinting down at her in midair as he tipped his toque in respect (mock respect, at least according to Rainbow). Rainbow stared back at him in awe, continuing to rocket forward before slamming into another tree.

"Eye's on the road, man!" Ty yelled back at her. 'I swear I've done some move like that on Caden sometime during track and field day, back when we were forced to play ball tag,' Ty thought with a mental chuckle as he continued to look behind him. Heh, I fell flat on my face then anyway. Ahh... just like old-

THUD

Ty was interrupted as his side slammed into a thin tree, sending him spinning and sliding into the ground. All he could tell was his old trick of 'run in a straight line' didn't work when you didn't watch where you were going. He was only given a second to realize where he was before being hoisted up into the air by the front of his neck.

Rosy eyes stared back at him as Rainbow held him up with one hoof.

The cyan wings on her back beat as she began flying, pulling him above the Everfree.

Rainbow's hooves lifted Ty over her head.

"Payback time, punk-"

CONK

"Ow!" Rainbow shouted as pain erupted in the back of her head, forcing her to drop her grip on Ty.

"Hey! Who threw that..." Rainbow tried to ask. Her answer was floating right in front of her, encased in a cyan and purple field. "Branch?"

The wood dropped to the ground where Ty was already sprinting in the direction he thought he was going earlier. Leaves parted in the canopy as Rainbow flew back down to try and see where he was.

"Hey!" Ty looked behind him as Rainbow shouted at him. "Get back-"

SPLURCH

Yet another unnecessary and interrupting sound effect played as Rainbow was knocked down again. Angered, she opened her wings to fly...

Until she found she couldn't.

Deeply confused, Rainbow craned her head around to find a fairly big problem.

Her wings were coated in green slime.

Rainbow glared as she flicked her head back to where her friends were, and looked right past Ty. "Bon Bon was right!"

Ty, being oblivious at the worst time, just looked back at her in confusion. 'Why is she telling me this? Wait...'

"Wrong way!" Ty yelled as he tried to change his direction a moment too late. A loop of rope flew at him, high and from the left. Ty made an attempt to stop before the lasso tightened around his torso, the weight bringing him down onto his back.

"Don't ya'll worry, Ah've gottem," Applejack shouted through the rope in her mouth. Ty made no attempt to slow her down, nor was he moving at all.

'Think, Ty! You can wriggle out of this, you've done stuff like it before,' Ty thought, before realizing his mistake. 'Or is that my problem? That I do the same thing to deal with everything?'

Applejack ignored his movements as she pulled him towards her.

'They expect me to run, and they can find a way around that. They don't expect me to use the abilities this new world has given me. They don't expect me to adapt, humanity's biggest strength.' Ty grinned as magic enveloped the ground around him. It began to focus around a small piece of metal lying on the ground and a shard of a black rock.

'Then how about I show them just how human I am?'

Ty magically lifted the items he grabbed above his head before slamming them both into the same section of the lasso, slicing it apart. Ty watched as Applejack stared at the separated rope.

He took note of the shocked expression on Applejack's face as he tried to magically untie the knot in the lasso, which seemed to be getting easier the more he used his magic. He absentmindedly rambled in his mind. 'PFFFFT-hahahahaHA! She looks so confused! I've hated that lasso for a while now.'

It was way too silent for the situation, making him stop to ask a question.

"Hey, do you smell smoke?"

Applejack nodded back at him before pointing down at him. "Yep."

Noting the flickering light below his line of sight, Ty's eyes widened as he looked down at where she was pointing. A small flame had started on the end of the rope. Ty didn't pay much attention to it, as it was almost off. Plus, rope isn't normally very flammable.

As if any of this was normal.

The flame spread up the rope the instant he noticed it, quickly lighting his entire torso.

"FIRE!" Ty shouted, frantically swiping at it when it spread towards his neck. "FirefirefirefireFIRE!"

Ty spastically ran around a bit before reminding himself of his abilities. Magic wrapped around his torso as he quickly rubbed dirt over himself, snuffing out the flames.

The magic dissipated from him as he collapsed onto his stomach.

No further response as Rainbow hoofed up to Ty, poking him in the side. "What happened here?"

Applejack grabbed Rainbow and turned her away from his limp form, pointing over her shoulder. "Somehow managed to light himself on fire. Don't worry, he should be getting up in a second."

Groaning from behind them assured that Applejack was correct. They turned back around to see Ty making an attempt to get up.

He'd also ended up several feet away from where he'd originally collapsed, and he'd lost most of his coat's burn marks. The only evidence he'd been on fire was a good amount of soot left on him.

"Ugh... Wha happen..." Ty slowly rose, while staggering around slightly. He looked dazed, holding a hoof up to his eye and revealing a burned spot to himself. His jaw dropped as he realized what had just been done to him, before muttering to himself, "Holy crap, that was dark. What the heck are the writers doing?"

Wanting clarification, Ty magically lifted up the items he slammed into the rope. A C-shaped piece of metal, and a triangular chip of black flint.

"Oh, you've got to be joking kidding me," Ty muttered as he angrily chucked the flint and steel back on the ground, yelping as they started another fire. Rainbow quickly flew up and grabbed a cloud to put the flame out. "The one time I think I have a good idea, this crap happens to me."

Rainbow and Applejack just watched as Ty paced around in frustration, the former stifling her laughter. The other four were nowhere to be seen, by Ty at least. "He looks just like Twilight," Rainbow whispered.

"Shut it, pot-of-gold butt!" Ty shouted. "If I wanted to get hurt this much, I'd move to Ponyville!"

"You're gonna move to Ponyville!?" the bright and currently obnoxious voice of Pinkie came in out of nowhere, nearly shattering Ty's eardrums.

"No!" Ty attempted to shout. But Pinkie wasn't paying attention. She was celebrating, and already pulling out her trademark giant confetti cannon, dubbed the 'party cannon.'

And aiming it right, at, him.

STREAMER

A high-pitched squee rang out as confetti blew Ty backwards, slamming into a tree, coating him in colorful paper, and unintentionally lodging some confetti in his throat.

"I-ACK-!" Ty stuttered, while stumbling around with his forelegs around his neck, coughing and making raspy calls for help. "*Cough!* Help! I'm being attacked by a party!"

"Whoops! I got ya!" Pinkie assured as she zipped behind him and wrapped her forehooves around his torso. She squeezed... not as hard as she could, as her natural earth pony strength likely would've split him in half. But she squeezed hard enough to get the heimlich (probably hooflich or something stupid like that in this world) to work, while her kneader's hooves also got an audible crack out of his spine.

Pinkie let go of him so he could lay back on his stomach. "Thank... *gasp*... you..."

Confusion briefly flashed across her muzzle. "Hey, how come I don't get a villain response? You know, something like, 'Curse you, Pinkie the Pony!' Why didn't I get one?"

Ty pushed himself up onto his back after a few seconds of silence. "Because you... *gasp*... tried to help me," Ty slowly answered as his lungs finished restarting. "Why would you think I wouldn't be grateful for that?"

Pinkie tapped her hooves together. "Well... Dashie literally just said you were a changeling, so there's that."

Ty looked as confused as ever as he glanced over at Rainbow, who was in the middle of preening green slime out of her wing. His eyes went wide before he covered his eyes with his hooves. 'Thanks for trying to help Amelia, but it just made leaving peacefully a lot harder.'

"I'm not exactly a lawyer," Rainbow angrily admitted. "But I'm pretty sure changelings can get slapped with jailtime for existing."

"Alright, you know what?" Ty asked, finally giving up. "Way too much stuff just happened, and I'm really beginning to hate slapstick. So I'll cut you a deal. You let me go, and if I'm still alive in a week, I'll come visit. How about it?"

"What?" Applejack asked. "Have you forgotten who we're talking to? No-"

"DEAL!" Pinkie interrupted. She rushed over and began shaking his hoof, in turn lifting him up and down rapidly.

'Why does Equestria hate me?' Ty thought as he stumbled around.

"Hey, you should Pinkie promise!" Pinkie said excitedly.

Ty, in his dazed state, didn't remember what she was talking about and lifted his hooves up to his face. "Huh? What were we talking about? Who are you?"

"The Pinkie promise? The super-duper special promise nopony can ever break? Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye?" Pinkie asked with gestures accompanying each part of the promise. "That one?"

"Oh, yeah. Right. That one," Ty muttered. He didn't get to respond further, when the distinct sound of flapping wings flared behind him.

"We will not be making any deals unless you consult with Princess Celestia," Twilight announced before gliding around to her friends. Apparently she had 'solved' Ty's statement. "What did we just agree to?" she whispered.

"He's gonna visit next week!" Pinkie answered excitedly.

"Oh. Well that's not so bad."

"He's probably lyin' Twilight," Applejack whispered back, resulting in a massively overplayed gasp from Pinkie.

"WHAT! How could he!"

Ty yelled over them. "How could I what!?"

The trees near them rustled as Fluttershy and Rarity finally managed to catch up. "Oh, dear. I hope nothing drastic happened here."

Fluttershy flew up to the other four. "Oh, thank goodness you're all alright," she said sweetly.

"WHAT? THEM?" Ty shouted, exasperated. "She's not the cardboard cut-out being pursued by... by... you!"

Rainbow Dash acted as if she took offense. "Oh, really? Us?"

Ty shook his head in astonishment. "*Sputter* Yes! I'm a literal paper-weight being pursued by my literal opposites! How am I supposed to survive being pitted against an athlete who never loses, a stubborn farmer with superstrength, some fashionista I have nothing in common with, a possessive animal-whisperer, a literal fun lord, and multiple bucking goddesses!?"

...

"Those are..." Twilight struggled to find words. "Slightly creepy ways to describe us."

Fluttershy, barely audible, asked, "Why is he shouting?"

"Because," Ty answered, startling her, "no matter how many times I tell you to buck off, you have never once considered anything regarding me besides negative assumptions!"

Rarity said, "Now, that's not quite-" but didn't finish as she was interrupted by low growling. Looking back at Ty, everypony saw him hunched low to his shoulders. He fumed as the purple 'bags' in his eyes dilated further, stretching over halfway up his eyes.

"Hey, you're eyes are doing that filling thing again!" Pinkie said as she bent closer to him, only for him to try to shove her back when she pressed her face up against his.

"You are the last pony I want to see right now. Who knows, maybe it's a meter that tells you how much I'm sick of this BS. At this point, I LIVE in this forest."

"Then that makes us neighbors, my cottage is just on the edge of this forest," Fluttershy sweetly said, completely ignoring Ty's state.

Ty briefly stared at her kind response in confusion. "Perfect. Just what I wanted. Now go back there, please," he asked, finding it hard to remain calm. "Or is the big scary Celestia actually going to do something about this?"

"Yes, she did..." Twilight muttered.

"Did what? Gave you a slap on the wrist?" Ty mocked.

Struggling to get her words out, Twilight turned her head down in shame. "She yelled at me."

"...And?"

"And what?" Pinkie asked.

"What else did she do?"

Twilight said, "Um... n-nothing, really."

"Th-that's it? That's bucking IT?" Ty stuttered with raising volume. "Not 'That is morally unacceptable' or 'Your status as an expert on friendship has been revoked'? She just said something?" He smacked his forehead repeatedly. "Great. Even the pony in charge of raising the sun has lost her bucking mind!"

"Well, somepony's being a bit of a downer. What's this guy's problem, other than refusing free friendship?" Rainbow Dash closed her eyes in defiance. "We're the elements of harmony, our opinion is obviously the right one."

Ty snapped behind him, but that wasn't the only thing that snapped. He grit his teeth as his left eye twitched. 'That's it. I'm done. Buck subtlety. I don't care If I get locked in some government compound for this. I don't care if these are even the real ponies, or just some stupid exaggeration being strung along by an idiot of a writer who doesn't know what he's doing. These ponies can be as big a problem they want, if a problem can't be solved by throwing enough force at it, or just running away, it isn't a problem.'

"Darling? Is something the matter?"

'...Yeah,' Ty thought. 'Things need to change, starting with myself.'

He noticed something immediately after that. A certain chiming, musical sound, accompanied by a small reflective circle appearing right in front of him.

'Oh, come on...'

"What moron can't put their crap away?"

Late at night, a janitor is looking at a confusing mess of Hasbro-owned TV screens, as well as a single script. The television in the middle had turned on somehow and was playing a rudimentary version of an episode of MLP. Or at least it looked like it.

Janitor Jack picked up the script and begrudgingly read it aloud. "The Anti-Friendship Lesson - act 1, scene 12, lines, 42-7, show 3, parallel universe 244870, song 1. Stranger realizes the meaning of friendship and lets the elements of harmony lead him to a better life."

Looking back at the TV, Jack saw exactly what the script depicted. A cheery tune had started up as Twilight took in a deep-

"No."

The white Pinkie Pie look-alike (Probably a placeholder.) stared at the camera, with the mane six behind him. Their mouth hadn't moved, so it was probably a voice-over from an editor.

The area began glowing a purple haze with a glimmer of cyan.

[No, that won't work, we need him against them.] a female voice muttered in the background before a light, electronic tune wafting through the purple air, with light piano in the background and accordion for the melody...

The janitor pressed the power button on the side of the TV.

"Nope. Not watching that."

The mane six just watched as Ty stared at a circular reflection on a tree across from them. A bead of sweat formed on Rainbow Dash's forehead as Ty began tapping his right forehoof and the area around them glowed with mostly purple magic. His head turned right, showing one glaring eye that had a sliver of cyan left. He took a deep breath.

"You've pushed me past, good job, I'm done with this grind.
So please stop trying to see what you can find.
My life is best ignored,
SO IF I SEE ONE MORE STUPID HORSE
I'll make sure I stay out of camera's sight.

For you see,
I know there's been a lot of ponies I've crossed.
I fought the law, and the law lost!
I know I'm new here
BUT YOU SHOULD THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU COME NEAR!
I know what nopony else does, too.
(You shouldn't care what I do!)

Just,
Go,
Back to your house.
Because you could just tip-hoof quiet as a mouse.
(STOP FOOLING AROUND!)

HELLO!"
"We're your neighbors!"
"GOODBYE!"
"(I'll see you later...)"
My past is just not meant for you to see, take it from me!
HELLO! How ya feel, guys?
'CAUSE I'M THE OPPOSITE OF 'JUST FINE'!
You may think I'm the Devil,
And I wish your lives in peril.
Let me spell this out for you, I'm just a pony.
go
a
WAY!" He shouted while using telekinetic magic to fling a large amount of dirt everywhere, blocking the mane six's vision and allowing him to hide behind a tree.

"Where are you now?"
"Playing Hide-and-seek!"
"Ugh, they always find me... HOW?
GO AWAY!

...

...go away...

So what if I don't interact, I just like to hide.
It's six vs. one, I've got no one on my side!
I'm not strong, not brave, not bold,
AM I REALLY THAT SCARY AT 15 YEARS OLD!?
Please just let me take my loss in stride.

For you see,
I'm starting to think everything here is a trap,
That tends to happen after you've been kidnapped!
I may not be 'all there'
THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT I'M NOT SCARED!
I can't believe I'm on this stupid show...
(It's gonna make me explode!)

I,
don't,
care what you say.
Because to you, I'm just another stray.
(SO GO AWAY!)

HELLO! You're no greater.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU LATER!
This anti-social freak should not be seen, take it from me!
COME ON! You can do better.
GET A GRIP ON YOUR BEHAVIOUR!
My rough edges need a buffer,
AND I HOPE FOR THIS YOU SUFFER!
I'll make sure you understand, I'm just a pony!
GO
A
WAY!

WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND!?" Ty screamed as he intended to try his luck with teleporting them away from him. As he'd never successfully done it before, it was going to take an extreme amount of focus, care, and luck.

The music stopped while he visualized what he needed to do. His telekinetic magic was getting stronger, so hopefully teleportation shouldn't be too different, right?

Light emanated from his horn, getting blocked from showing by the mane it was hidden in. Magic surged from him as he strained to accomplish anything, before abruptly stopping immediately as a flash of blue light in front of him forced him out of his concentration.

Good news, there were no longer six ponies staring him down anymore. Bad news...

Now there were eight.

A circular blue portal had opened behind the mane six, and on the other side were two quite familiar royal faces.

Very shocked faces. Both with horns unlit. There were no powerful artifacts near them, unless Celestia's teacup had the power to open rips in space.

Clearly they weren't causing it, and the elements of harmony looked confused too.

So why did Ty feel this was his fault?

He backed up a bit to recollect himself, but as he thought to back up, the portal moved back with him. Initially jumping in surprise, Ty's thoughts were flashing faster than he could understand them.

"What the..?" He muttered as he put his hoof to his head. He decided to try pushing it back with his magic, shocked as it did as he wanted it to.

He yanked his head back, tripping the elements of harmony and forcing them to fall into it.

The music to the first chorus repeated itself, and Ty found himself singing along. He was nowhere near as enthusiastic with it this time, only sing-talking when it felt he should've been singing or yelling.

"HELLO! Meet your maker!
Don't bother trying again later.
This place is not for you to look and see, take it from me!
BUCK OFF! You'll make danger!
NO EXCUSE FOR YOUR BEHAVIOR!
Just go back to your space,
and I hope that you learn your place!
Why can't you understand
I don't accept this!?
GO AWAY!

Ya' won't find me now!
A match of hide-and-seek!
Only now it never ends."
"Um, Ty?"
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE!
GO AWAY!"

"You... I..." Ty stuttered, trying to make sense of anything in his current situation. "I...Ugh... " he groaned as he stared at the characters he didn't understand now.

"...I don't care anymore."

The portal closed immediately after he spoke, ending the music, and Ty simply turned to walk the other way.

He suddenly felt two hooves grab him at each side, before they pulled him into the air. Ty panicked immediately and sharply looked up, relaxing once he saw a familiar face.

"Hey, you forgetting something?"

"Oh..." Ty muttered as his face lightened a bit. "Sorry, Amelia."

"It's OK," she muttered. "Sorry I didn't get to help earlier, totally massive tree came flying out of nowhere and almost landed right on me!"

"I didn't do it." Ty mumbled.

Amelia immediately giggled, "Of course you didn't. If you coulda, you totally would've thrown it off back when I first scared the magic out of you!" She faltered for a moment. "That's not what I said."

"Yeah," he muttered back, looking back at his flank. "You'll never know how the writers will try to screw you over..."

"The who?"

"Look at it this way," Ty suggested. "This 'Horse-land' as you so eloquently put it-"

"It was 'Horsey-land,' not horseland," Amelia interrupted.

"Sorry. Anyway, think of it as one big children's book. All created by Lauren Faust."

"You got that from the few days we've been here?" She inquired, instantly believing what he said was true.

"Yeah," Ty answered, even if that's not exactly true. "Sometimes they'll throw something completely new at you just because they're lazy. Like that portal thing back there, that had NO buildup. Completely new."

"But then you did it again to get rid of the horses, so it was only new the first time."

Ty looked up at her, exasperated. "Wait, what was the first time, then!?"

"Uh, back with the pocket watch? Duh."

"Really?" Ty asked, his face brightening slightly. "YES! I knew the writers wouldn't deus ex machina me like that!" His expression faltered. "I thought. Actually, there's a lot of stuff I thought I knew, and now I find myself questioning that as well."

"Eh, cheer up. I didn't really expect you would know even that much about this place. But she had me follow you for a reason. Speaking of which..." Amelia finished as her eyelids drooped.

"Yeah, I know pretty much everything about this place-wait what who is 'she' and why did want you to follow me!?" Ty started frantically asking.

She just shushed him before talking again. "Yeah, I found him. What, no I'm not going to drain him! I know we're running low on food, but- What? Yes, I know him!"

"What are you doing!?" Ty yelled.

Amelia shushed him harder. "Yeah, he's from the same place I told you I was from... Okay, I'll be there asap."

She turned her gaze down at Ty, now glaring. "Oh my gosh, what do you want?"

Ty turned his eyes away from her, his tail actually going between his hind legs. "Sorry. Just, who were you talking to?"

Amelia scoffed. "Don't you have some angry woman yelling in your head all the time?"

"No? You do?" Ty asked before gasping. "Wait! It's the queen, isn't it? Queen Cheese-Legs, as I've heard Zach call her."

"Yeah!" she confirmed. "She's so bossy, all I ever hear is 'Get back to the hive!' 'What are you doing in that forest?' 'Who the hive are you?' It's so annoying."

"You mean she can just talk to you telepathically?"

"Probably, I don't know what that word means."

"...Is she also the one who told you to follow me?" Ty asked.

"Yeah." Amelia responded. "She took an interest in you for some reason. I don't see why, just being around you kinda' leaves a bitter taste in my mouth."

Ty head lowered a little. He wanted to say: 'Bitter, huh?' But that would mean ignoring what it signified.

"Totally. Wait," she paused, smacking her lips together. "I taste something else. Like when I was near the blue horse earlier."

Ty lifted a hoof. "That might be the source."

Amelia followed his pointing to a red streak in the sky, squinting to track it's origins. "I don't see anything."

"Look at him!" he pressured, while she continued to miss it. Indeed, the end of a streak would reveal its cause, a small red colt. The pegasus evidently wasn't a very high level flier (He couldn't even flap his wings properly, only buzz them). He'd fly with a burst of speed, before losing control and having to struggle to regain it.

Ty's eyes widened as he saw the colt's irregular flight pattern, then their similar height levels. "Amelia?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop flying."

"What!?" she yelled. "Look around us, we're like 15 feet above the rooftops, and you want me to just drop? That has got to be the stupidest thing I've ever..."

Ty stopped hearing her as he just stared at the mark on his flank.

'It won't matter.'

THWACK

Ty closed his eyes before he felt Amelia's hooves being ripped from his torso. He quickly dropped downwards, glancing at the window of the very familiar treehouse he was soon to crash into.

'I don't even need to say it.'

You don't need to say it.

Ty sighed inwardly.

'BUCK MY LUCK.'

THUMP

Health Breaks

Author's Note

I am alive. Is nice.

Hey, anyone else miss the first person style, or is it stupid to return to it after all this time?

Health Breaks

BEEP

...

BEEP

... 'What did I do last night?'

BEEP

... 'Okay, what the heck is that?'

Ty slowly opened his eyes, because he currently felt as if opening them any faster would give him a big ol' case of extremely annoying migraine.

White tile lined the roof he stared up at. The room he was in was sterile smelling, which meant two options. He was either in the kitchen of a cannibal, or he was held up in a hospital.

BEEP

The harsh noise made him wince, closing his eyes again.

"Ugh... Stupid alarm clock..." Ty muttered wearily, before slowly sticking his arm out to hit the top of the clock he thought to be there in his state.

"Mmmf, ooouuld you pweeze get your hhhf out ff my mmmf?"

"AH!" Ty shouted, yanking his hoof back to him and accidentally hitting himself in the eye. "OW, FRICK!"

"Are you feeling okay, ma'am?" The mare to the side of Ty asked as he tried to rub the pain out of his head.

"The heck does it look like to you?" He grumbled before shuffling around a bit.

"My bum hurts."

"Yes, that's to be expected," the mare said as Ty slowly reopened his eyes, glancing to the side to see who was talking to him. A white-coated mare with a pinkish mane and an old-fashioned nurse hat on her head. He could also see a good amount of the rest of the room he was in. Essentially every surface was painted white, excluding a couple posters, diagrams the frame around the room's only door, the clock over it with writing Ty couldn't understand, and a desk by the bed he was in, which held some kinda' glowing red crystal. That's definitely not important. "You had quite a nasty fall there. Mind telling me how that happened?" She asked, jotting things down on a clipboard with a pencil in her mouth.

"My friend dropped me out of the sky."

"Uh-huh, sure," she muttered, writing down something that seemed much longer than what he said. If you could hear somepony write words, Ty was certain he would've heard 'delusional' somewhere in there. "Alright, we'll get you a concussion test in just a minute."

BEEP

"Hey, uh listen." Ty leaned forward, before grimacing and shifting back to staring up at the ceiling. He glanced over at her and said, "Nurse Redheart, isn't it?"

The mare squinted at him. "Excuse me, are you from around here?"

"Not really, you're just the only nurse I can remember the name of. I think there's a Dr. Horse or something like that, but that might just be me coming up with stupid names."

Nurse Redheart just looked at him incredulously. "Okay, I'll be sure to mention that to Doctor Hoarse when he comes to see you."

"Actually, that's what I wanted to talk about," Ty muttered before trying to sit up again, only succeeding with leaning toward her awkwardly. "Do I really need to do all this? Why not just stamp 'Lost Cause' on my forehead and be done with it?"

Redheart shot him another look. "If you're going to get better, you'll stay in bed. I'm going to have to ask you a few questions, if you feel comfortable yet."

A frown appeared on his face at that last sentence. "Fine. I don't care."

BEEP

"Have you been sleeping well lately?"

'You know, I expected something more like, 'What insurance do you have,'' Ty thought. "Now that I think of it, I don't think I've slept at all since I got here, aside from... maybe ten minutes?"

Redheart scribbled some more words down. "Okay, then. Have you experienced any other major injuries recently?"

Ty tried to lift a hoof up to his chin, but he was still too stiff to do it very fast. "I think I've been knocked unconscious five or six times in the last couple nights or so. And, honestly, I may have brain damage," he muttered before looking out the window to see the sun was slowly going down, as opposed to the night sky that he'd seen right before Amelia dropped him.

More scribbling. Ty flexed his hooves a bit, finally getting them to move somewhat responsively. "Okay then, miss..?"

"Ty."

Redheart looked at her clipboard, then at Ty's cutie mark, then back to the clipboard. "O... kay? First name?"

Ty grimaced. "You were asking for my last name the first time?"

The nurse grumbled as she turned the pencil around to erase something. "Yes, I was. Sorry for not making that clear."

"Alright, it's Ty Smith. It's the most generic thing I could think of, I know. But I prefer it over my actual legal name," Ty answered, before mumbling, "Stupid hospital misspelled 'Smith' as 'Smath.' How the flip does that even happen?"

Nurse Redheart chuckled. "Don't feel bad Miss Smath. My name isn't acually Nurse Readheart, either."

Ty glanced over at her. "Wait, really?"

She smiled at him. "Yep. My name's actually Doctor Redheart, but I never grad-" She stopped to cough. "I never liked it, and I didn't want to be a doctor anyway."

"So you became a nurse?" He asked. Readheart nodded in response.

"M-hm," she answered before looking up at the clock. "Well, that's my shift done." Readheart threw the clipboard over her shoulder, before she turned and walked out the door. "Bye."

"What you're just leaving me here?"

"Yes."

Ty started to sit up and complain, but Nurse Redheart put her head back through the doorway and beat him to it.

"Oh, and the one who got the hospital to help you will be here to see you in a minute."

"Oh really?" Ty muttered. "And who might that be?"

...

"Hello? Nurse Redheart?"

BEEP

Earlier... Like last chapter levels of earlier.

"...I don't care anymore."

The portal snapped shut, leaving behind five confused elements, one flabbergasted Princess of Friendship, one relatively angry solar alicorn, and Princess Luna. Come on, one of you jumped at that name.

Let's focus on the bookworm, shall we?

"I... I don't get it!" she shouted, spinning around to meet the gazes of each of her friends. "How does this mare-"

"Stallion," Rarity corrected.

"WHATEVER!" Twilight shouted back. "How does this *pony* keep doing these things? They just run around, run away, and then run me up the walls!" She ducked down, holding her forehooves over her head and whispering to herself. "I feel like my brain has been swapped with Pinkie's."

"Twilight, I think-"

"Or maybe this isn't a pony at all!" Twilight realized, also interrupting whoever was trying to talk to her. "But then what is it? Some kind of alien?"

"Now Twilight, you really need to-"

"No, that doesn't make any sense!" Twilight cut in again. "Maybe he's hiding something about his past!"

"Ah literally told ya that a few minutes ago!"

"She is right Twilight, now if you would just-"

"Oh, I've got it now!"

"Twilight."

"Ty is actually just Discord in disguise, and he's doing all this to teach us a-"

"Twilight!"

Celestia looked forward at Twilight, who was only now starting to pay attention to her surroundings with wide eyes and shrunken pupils. "Twilight, please, listen." Celestia put on the most calming face she could. "I would like you and your friends to do something for me. So if you would follow me outside, please."

Shortly afterwards, at the front door...

"AAAAHHHHH!"

SLAM

"Sister, was it really necessary to magically punt the elements of harmony across the royal lawn?" Luna asked as the sisters took a stroll throughout the castle, heading towards the kitchen.

Celestia raised a forehoof defensively before pushing open the door. Celestia waved the kitchen staff out so the princesses could be alone. "It was all in their own interests, they need to... know how to..."

Luna gave her sister a disapproving glare.

"Ugh, who am I kidding. I just needed to blow off some steam." Celestia shook her head, pouring herself a cup of tea. "I don't know what I'm going to do with those mares. I know they all mean well, and I'm certain they're good ponies at heart. When you've worked with them for as long as I have, you'll get to know each and every one of them very well."

Luna folded her front hooves over each other. "What was the yellow one's name?" she asked.

"... Don't try to change the subject on me."

Later, at the train station...

"It'll take how long!?"

Aside from Rainbow, the rest of the elements were waiting for the ticket... pony... guy... to explain why they would have to wait until tomorrow to get on a train to a backwater town in the middle of nowhere. Rainbow hadn't screamed this loud since a few minutes ago, with that stunt that would've made DJ Jazzy Jeff proud.

"I'm very sorry ma'am, but this is always our biggest week of the year," the brown unicorn stallion attempted to explain to the mare who was currently 2 inches away from him.

"It's the middle of November! Literally nothing is happening right now!" Rainbow complained.

The stallion wiped sweat off his forehead, right under his bright yellow mane. "It's because we always have a big sale for my boss' birthday!" he nervously stuttered, pointing to a large sign that [In majestic pony language] read:

BOGOF

Buy-One-Get-One-Full-Price

"I have another suggestion, if you'd be willing to listen," he muttered. "Here at Berg Trains, we cover all terrain possible. But our sister company, Hindrance Zeppelins, covers terrain we can't. They're right next door! They'll get you there by tomorrow morning!"

"We'll take your advice, thanks." Rarity told him, finally walking up to the counter. "Let's go then, everypony."

The elements all mumbled some manner of manner of acknowledgement, except Twilight who was still refusing to accept she was thrown out of Canterlot Castle, and Rainbow Dash, who threw a paper airplane at the salespony.

"I wonder why this place is called Hindrance Zeppelins," Fluttershy wondered aloud. The mares had paid for their tickets/put it on the pretty princess tab and made it into the zeppelin, most of them choosing to sit by a few windows on it's side. Not many ponies had shown up, partially due to the stigma relatively new technology had, especially when it came to transportation, food, or computer entertainment.

"Cause the guy who made it is named Hindrance?" Applejack guessed, looking at one of the plaques on the beige wall of the now rising zeppelin. "Apparently this is the first vessel this company ever owned, named after the founder of this company and his sister."

"So THAT'S why it's called the Hindrance-Berg!" Pinkie realized, looking out the window.

"Or maybe it's called that because there are always problems with it," Rainbow Dash grumbled. "We're gonna get there by tomorrow night instead of in the morning, all delayed because of some stupid birds in the way. Do they not know how to go around things?"

"I can't even see the ground from here," Fluttershy muttered once the vessel had stopped rising and continued moving over several lakes. It passed over large amount of mountains and tiny towns nopony cared about, because the only small town that will ever amount to anything here is Ponyville.

"This is way higher than most pegasi ever go," Rainbow added.

Soon enough most of the ponies had gone to sleep. Except for Twilight, because she was not only angry she couldn't stay at Canterlot Castle overnight and read, but also because she had to stop Pinkie from cranking open a window 30,000 feet in the air.

Morning came, and the staff served their six passengers a rather large breakfast during a pit stop. It was cheap, too. However, all bread was absent from it as one of the chefs' hooves were tired from kneading dough, that he put it out the window as they descended so the wind would stretch it for him.

That dough went from six feet in diameter to 80 feet long in roughly two seconds. So that chef was promptly tossed out of the zeppelin.

Nothing else happened on the way to Ponyville, and just as the sun was starting to set, the captain walked through the door into the economy section where the elements were all still waiting.

"Okay you six, we're almost to Manehattan."

"Wait, Manehattan?" Rarity questioned. "But we're going to Ponyville, that's too far."

"Oh," the captain muttered, rubbing a hoof across his black mustache. "Well everypony in first class is on their way to Manehattan." He answered, pushing the door he came through over. In the other room was a single orange unicorn with a firey yellow mane. The stallion wore a bright red suit, and was currently throwing bits around like confetti. The captain closed the door. "Our boss is very proud of his company."

None of the ponies in economy knew exactly how to respond to the sight, but Rarity tried anyway. "Okay... well what about us then?"

The captain smiled. "Well, Ponyville is just underneath us right now, so you should be good to go," he told them, before rummaging around in a compartment and pulling stuff around.

"I'll have to thank you for givin' us a ride, cap," Applejack said as the captain threw several bags over his shoulder. "But I gotta ask, what's with the saddlebags?"

The captain's smile got much wider as he grabbed the fourth saddlebag in the storage compartment, throwing it at Applejack's hooves.

"Yer j-joking," she stuttered, looking up at him in shock.

The captain chuckled. "Yeah, I am," he said as he started putting the bags away. "I love that trick. Anyway, we'll be down shortly. Thanks for flying with us."

BEEP

It had been 10 minutes of Ty just lying there, and he still couldn't see where that dang beeping was coming from. Part of him wanted to make a run for it, but at the same time he didn't really care. (If you had been doing all this running, you might've wanted to just lay down for a while, too. Or not, I don't know.)

As far as he could tell, there was no noise in the building at all other than those beeps, so there might not have even been anypony there. Most of his own time was spent just moving that crystal around with both his magic and his hooves, though the first few times he'd attempted to use his magic had completely sputtered out.

"Ah, screw it," Ty muttered to himself. Pressing his forehooves against the hospital bed, he tried to heave himself up and off of it. Everything was still a bit stiff, but he was feeling way better than when he first woke up. 'They must've been using healing magic on me, or something like that. There's no way I'm feeling as better as I do from just laying there.

All four of his hooves hit the ground with a soft thud. He honestly felt more natural on just his hindlegs after doing it a few times, but he didn't want to startle anypony on his way out of town. 'First order of business is getting somewhere to hide, lest I be tossed in a padded cell. Then I have gotta make sure Amelia doesn't get thrown in a dungeon, and then I've got the elements to avoid, and my headache is back!'

"Ow... OW!" The moment Ty got within a few inches of the door, all the pain he felt when he first woke up returned in an instant. His forelegs gave out from under him and he rolled out the doorway, slamming into the wall.

"Um... you feeling better yet?" A fuzzy voice asked. Ty tilted his head to the right to find the one talking to him, but all he saw was a blurry purple shape.

"TWI-"

BONK

Ty jumped back in his assumption of who had walked up to him, hitting his head on the wall in the process. He looked up at the pony slowly going further out of focus in front of him, as well as the second one walking up to the other one. He just barely made out the words, "Ty, is it? You have a visitor."

BEEP

A pair of hooves wrapped around Ty's torso and pulled him back into the room he was in previously. The moment he got through the doorway, Ty felt his vision begin to return and the stiffness in his limbs slowly fade. The second pony, who Ty could now tell was medical staff, lifted him up onto the bed.

Laying on his side, Ty glanced back at the yellow stallion staring back at him, with his brown mane nearly covering part of his eyes. "Now stay in bed, you saw what happened when you don't. I'll be back to pick him up in about ten minutes."

"Pick who up?" he asked, glancing around. "There's nopony here."

"Technically correct," Ty heard, before seeing a purple hoof shoot above the edge of the bed. 'Wait, not a hoof. A hand? Claw? Talon? Oh, this was obvious a long time ago, now I feel kinda' stupid.'

"Oh, hi Spike," he said, watching the claw grab the sheet and hoist the young dragon up, before he sat down by Ty's midsection.

"Uh... Hey," Spike muttered. "So, are you the..."

"Everfree pony?" Ty guessed. Spike nodded. "Yep."

"Oh. Okay..." Spike trailed off, rubbing his shoulder.

"Are you the one who got me here?"

"Huh?" Spike asked, eyes widening slightly. "Oh, uh... Yeah, that was me."

"Well thank you," Ty grumbled before rolling over.

BEEP

... "How old are you?"

Ty flipped around again. "... Why?"

"Just asking," he shrugged.

Tilting his head slightly, Ty responded. "... I'm 15."

Spike grinned at that. Suddenly gaining some bravado in his voice, he added, "Well I'm 16!"

Ty just stared back at him, before leaning back and relaxing a bit. "Okay, what grade are you in?"

BEEP

He looked back quizzically. "What do you mean? I finished school ages ago."

Ty slapped a hoof against his forehead. "Okay, then why are you here?"

Spike backed up a bit. "I, uh, just wanted to-"

"See what the Everfree pony is really like? See if I was okay? Well thanks for your concern, but I'm holding my own in here, and I need out so I can make sure..."

The look on Ty's face as he trailed off was something Spike took immediate notice of. Something between frustration and... fear? "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I..." Ty muttered before trailing off again. "I'm fine."

"You know, you can talk about it if you want. Healing magic only affects your body, not your mind," Spike said, grabbing the crystal from the desk and putting it in Ty's hoof, forcing it down a little less harshly than he expected.

"What?" Ty muttered, before hitting himself in the forehead again and smiling slightly. "Oh, yeah. I figured that's why I felt better so fast after getting dropped out of the sky."

"Speaking of which, how exactly did that happen?" Spike asked.

BEEP

He grimaced slightly. "Well... I had a bit of an... altercation, with your friends. And I have... I really shouldn't tell you this."

"Don't worry, I'm great at keeping secrets!" Spike said, jumping slightly.

Ty paused, before sighing. "You're lucky you're one of the more reasonable guys I've met. You see... a few ponies seem to think that I'm actually a changeling." Ty noticed Spike jump a bit at that. "No! No, I'm not a changeling, they just think that. But the thing is... I'm kinda' sorta'... friends with one. And I'll admit I'm kind of concerned-"

"SPIKE!"

A shout from the doorway made both Ty and Spike look for the noise. Of course, it was the same six mares one would expect.

"AHHHH" Ty started panicking, and screaming, and, out of pure instinct, chucked whatever was nearest to his hooves at the source of his stress.

"Ty, you have-" The medical staff from earlier was promptly interrupted by the crystal Spike had put in Ty's hoof earlier. It shattered against his face and exploded into vibrant red lights that enveloped the stallion and the mares next to him, magical twinkles and plus-shaped projections fading out of and into nothingness around him, leaving everyone it enveloped intact.

Darkness filled the room as Ty felt stiff and weak again. Maybe that thing was more important than he thought. Ty could feel his body lean over the edge of the bed.

"This again. Every frickin' time."

BEEEEEEEEEEE...

Write way

Ty was a lot of things at the moment, but unconscious was not one of them. It's a little sad he was starting to miss the sleep-like sensation being comatose brings.

But for now, as he wasn't sleeping like someone lucky might've gotten to, he felt really off. Well, he felt off the moment he arrived in Equestria, so maybe he's just like that. Or maybe Ty's supposed to feel this way, and he's actually been feeling off the entire time before this.

What does feeling off entail? Maybe it means that he just hasn't felt like himself. 'And no, that does not mean I've felt like Pinkie. Or at least, not entirely like Pinkie.'

For another thing, it's gone.

What's gone?

Yes. Name something, and it is no longer visible. Ty probably didn't notice it at first because he's used to waking up in places he doesn't recognize [Don't make an alcohol joke]. Perhaps this place would be classified as a void of some sort, black everything.

One thing Ty knew for sure, though. He was completely lost, and he was completely alone.

[Hello.]

"GAH! AGAIN, MOTHER-"

Ty's startled sentiment was cut off as he lost his balance and fell over backwards, folding over himself into a clam shape. He untangled himself, slowly standing up while muttering, "*Ugh* Alright, who the flip is it this time?"

Now straightened out, though wary with a slightly hunched back, Ty frantically looked around for the thing that made that noise. But, of course he saw nothing. "Oh, great. Just great. Pony after pony show up, just talks to me, I get knocked unconscious. Look, I get the pattern already." Ty waved his forelegs around sporadically. "And now guess who our special guest star is? THAT'S RIGHT! It's the VOICES IN MY HEAD!"

[Ty, I'm right here.]

"Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever. Now let me wake up already and I'll get back to running around aimlessly."

[No, Ty, I'm serious, I'm right- Oh wait. I bet this is one of those 'beings whose forms are not understandable by mortals' situations. One second here-]

And that's when Ty practically went blind from the great white flash going off in front of him. The 'grand reveal' of sorts made up for it, though.

Now standing there in font of him was a tall, white pony, sat down on her haunches and staring down at him. Her reddish mane spilled down her slimmed shoulders in the back and obscured the tops of her baby blue eyes in the front. Said mane was parted by a long white horn, framed by her open wings. The sight of her made pinpricks appear in the eyes of her beholder.

(Translation: Ty is absurdly bucked.)

The smaller pony stepped back, holding one forehoof in front of him and the other behind him as he continued his slow retreat. "Dear. GOD."

[Yep, that's me!] The mare smiled, before raising a forehoof to her chin. [Well, I guess I'm not God exactly. But I'm pretty much the closest thing Equestria has to one.]

Ty said nothing as he continued to cower behind his forehoof. [Wait... are you... scared of me?] No response. [You know who I am, right? It's me? Lauren Faust?]

...

[Look kid, if you're going to meet God, the least you can do is be courteous.]

'Look, I'm trying to. But it's hard to even believe who I'm supposedly talking to. Or that she even wants to talk to me. I mean, at least I think that she's talking,' Ty thought.

"...O-Ok. Yeah, I can do that," Ty breathed. "Uh... Hi. H-How are you?"

[Good, thank you.] She smiled at him before her horn lit up. [And I can see you aren't doing particularly well.]

"What do you mean?"

[I mean, come on! Just look at your review from Nurse Redheart!] Her horn flashed, summoning a long parchment next to her. [Your weight is practically negative, your ribs are visible from half a mile away, you'rebasicallydead, you're allergic to poison joke, THAT'S a bad one, and you've been diagnosed with equinophobia, ramplophobia, pantophobia, ichthyophobia-]

"Wait a second," he interrupted. "Did you say... Nevermind, must've misheard you. I get everything in there except the phobias. I never answered any questions, so how'd they get all that?"

[Well, that's actually a funny story.] Faust laughed to herself. [You know that gemstone you threw at my favorite pony friend group? It turns out that it was enchanted with tons of recovery and info-gathering spells. On an unrelated note, you owe Ponyville Hospital a few hundred bits, now.]

"You know, I thought it was a little strange they never asked me to pay for treatment. Thought for sure that would've been the first thing they said to me."

Faust blinked at him for a moment before her eyes grew in realization. [Oh, right! You're from the states, aren't you? Well, here in Equestria, healthcare is free. All paid for by the crown. The fact that magic exists makes it easier and cheaper, so that helps.]

"The crown?" Ty asked. "As in Celestia and Luna?"

[Those're the ones!] She confirmed.

A snort was her reply. "Great. Nice to know they have some level of decency."

[Well of course they do. They are the benevolent dictators of the greatest nation in all of fiction, you know.]

'Well, you're a bit full of yourself, aren't you?' Ty thought.

[I can hear that, you know.]

"Oh." He slumped. "Sorry."

[I get it, you know. It's perfectly fine to be upset with her and her student.]

"It's not just that," he responded. "It feels like no matter how much I have to deal with them, Celestia's never even concerned about the actions of her supposed 'Princess of Friendship' and her friends. Where was she the whole time?" He asked bitterly.

She just laughed in response.

[Oh, you silly little horse. You still think Celestia isn't doing anything about all this. Here, why don't we see what she's doing right this very second. From the point of view of somepony else entirely!] Faust exclaimed, horn glowing to summon a glowing rectangular panel. Said panel displayed static for a few seconds, before cutting to a view of a purple alicorn. A black box displaying the text "Y7" hovered above her as a pleasant musical intro started in the background.

Twilight, with rather dark bags under her eyes and a very frayed mane, was not having a particularly good day. You'd've thought the Princess of Friendship would've been able to ask for and get a good day whenever she wanted, but even royalty don't have that much power. She thought going out and getting her longer-than-usual list of errands done might help her relax, but it didn't do all that much for her. Now hauling around her groceries and a small amount of writing supplies, she trudged back into the Golden Oaks Library.

"Spike! I'm back!" Twilight halfheartedly shouted as she turned around to nudge the door shut with her nose, before backing up into a large, furred, very, very hot mass. She turned around and fought to keep her eyes open and greet the pony she accidentally bumped into.

"Oh, hi Princess Celestia... Is there a book I can help you find or... PRINCESS CELESTIA!?" Twilight screamed, shaking herself awake and frantically fixing her mane. "W-what are you doing here? The library's a mess, I'm a mess, I don't have anything ready-"

"Yes, I can see that," Celestia said, looking from the dented pane of a rounded window at the top of the stairs, scuff marks lining said stairs, and the books knocked out of the shelf directly across from the stairs. Celestia herself looked not quite like herself. Her pupils were slightly smaller than normal, and her mane was billowing at least triple its normal speed. Sweat was visibly dripping down her barrel, falling onto the ground and evaporating into steam. Despite the fact she was shaking, her overall tense appearance was betrayed by her usual calm and serene smile. "You've really made a mess of things haven't you?"

"Yes, but-"

"Oh, I'm not talking about the library, Twilight," Celestia interrupted, her smile wavering slightly. She approached the smaller alicorn slowly, Twilight backing away from her while hunched close to the ground. Her ears flopped down the sides of her head. "I am talking about quite literally everything else." With every word her voice became higher and lighter, as if she was struggling to even get the message out of her head.

Celestia laughed softly and put a hoof to the side of her head, her mane shifting out of the way of it as if scared. "I don't know what I expected, you and your friends have been learning the most wonderful lessons. Or at least that's what's in the letters Spike sends me, but who am I to suspect those might've been lies the whole time?"

"What!?" Twilight screamed. "Princess, I would never lie to you!"

"Oh, I don't doubt that. Much," Celestia reassured her, as her mane's billowing became erratic and twitched back and forth occasionally. "But lying isn't just giving false information. Withholding the truth also counts."

Celestia began stalking towards Twilight, her taller stature leaving her looming over the now shivering student.

"So how do you think I felt when I received a letter, not from you or Spike, but from an anonymous patient at Ponyville General Hospital through the Equestrian Mailing System that took a week to get to me, informing me-" Celestia's voice faltered and her eyes became moist.

"That Ty was dead!?"

Celestia shouted at the top of her lungs as she leered over her student. At this point her mane had burst into flames, smoke filling the library and the edges of most close by books curling and turning black as they began to burn. "P-Princess, please! I can explain!" Twilight pleaded to her mentor, the rage and disappointment in Celestia's eyes inflicting what felt like physical, actual pain to both ponies. "It wasn't even our fault, he was essentially killed by himself, not us!"

"That's the BAD part!" Celestia raged. "The patient who wrote that letter said he panicked the moment he saw you and your friends during visitation. He thought you were there to cause him harm, and I can easily see how being effectively kidnapped by you and your friends would put that thought in his mind."

Celestia stared at her slack-jawed student before continuing, "Oh, yeah, they talked about that in the letter, too. I don't remember your letter you sent to me before I first met him mentioning that. Though it would certainly explain a bit of how he acted when he first met me," Celestia raised a forehoof at Twilight. "Though there is one thing you did say in that letter I want to bring up, and that's his amnesia. He probably didn't even know the object he threw at you and inadvertently destroyed was the one thing keeping him alive! Apparently all of that's not important enough for me to know!?"

"I wanted to tell you, I swear, but... Well, I was..." Twilight hung her head and folded her hooves over her eyes. "I was just so scared of what would happen once you heard the truth."

The sound of fire extinguishing above her caused Twilight to peek through her hooves at the other princess, though her mentor's appearance was warped in Twilight's vision.

Celestia sighed to herself, rubbing a hoof across her eyes. "You probably should've been," she muttered looking around at the fire she inadvertently started, flames engulfing Golden Oaks and all the knowledge it contained. "Consider this your punishment for indirectly taking a life."

Princess Celestia sneered at Twilight before teleporting, leaving her sat in the inferno.

"Twilight! The smoke alarm's goin- SON OF A BI

[Whaddaya think? Good material to use in the actual show?]

Ty sat in silence as he stared at the screen, which rapidly cut from the yelling baby dragon to a motivational cat screensaver and now to a toy commercial, processing the events that apparently had just transpired. Because of him, Golden Oaks was destroyed, sure. But Celestia's initial outburst was what captivated him the most.

"I... I'm dead?" He asked. Really the question wasn't directed at anyone, but Faust took it otherwise.

[Well, not exactly. You almost are, but not entirely.] Faust rambled, though Ty was only half-listening. [See, you were about to die, but then just before it happened, I patched you up and teleported you here! I've done the same thing several times already, I just dropped you off back in the Everfree those times. Heh, those many times. And I'll probably keep doing it until you're done with your part, given your 'special talent.' After that I really couldn't care much about what happens to you. Plus, those times it was essentially an instant between you going in and out of consciousness. This time it took a week since I brought you here, first.]

"... So... that stupid joke I made back when it first happened was actually true? I really died back at the waterfall, under that tree, when I lit myself on fire, when I slammed into the library's window, even back on the school bus?" Ty questioned, again to himself but with some direction to Faust.

She replied, [Well, not the window, Spike found you before any massive damage had been done to you. After just one look at your eyes he thought you had died, too, if you'll believe it. I don't about the bus, though. Hay, I didn't even notice when you first got here.]

"And I'm really stuck on this show," Ty muttered again, not as a question and more as something else.

[Yep! Isn't it great? You get to meet all your favorite little ponies, take part in wonderful celebrations, hay, you've even been in the background of a couple of episodes already.]

Ty shook himself for a moment, looking at Faust incredulously. "I've what."

[That's not to mention 'The Anti-Friendship Lesson: Part One' airing with you as a major character.]

"WHAT?"

[Just finished airing in North Amare- *ahem* I mean, North America. People apparently like it.] Faust smiled down at Ty and elbowed him in the side, as he continued to just stare at her wide-eyed. [Good job, there, by the way. Never thought this storyline would get a good reaction from viewers, seeing as the writer is new at the company and doesn't think much of his work himself, but look at what you've managed to do with the script you've been given!]

"S... Script..?" Ty asked weakly.

[Oh, yeah. It's a real piece of work.] Ty heard of Faust's admittance. [But on the bright side, they don't really seem to care. Bronies like you, you know.] She smiled down at him before her horn lit up.

Faust created another rectangular panel, though this time she leaned her entire front half inside it. She rummaged around, creating sounds of metal clattering and papers flapping as she leaned in a bit further, her hind legs now off the nonexistent ground and flailing around in the air. [Ah-ha! Here we go!] She exclaimed before leaning back and sliding out of the panel, landing on her flank with a small yelp. She was levitating a small collection of printed photos by her head, before floating them over to and in front of Ty. [You've even got your own fanart!]

Faust coughed and muttered something under her breath while smiling, something that sounded suspiciously similar to, 'Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of...'

Ty himself was looking over the pictures, rather stunned at seeing the work of others depicting the kid from the middle of nowhere turned pony from who knows where. There were only four pictures, one detailed photo depicting him cuddling with Pinkie Pie, a minimalist one depicting him and Pinkie in a yin yang type formation, Pinkie smiling widely and Ty looking dejected, and one each depicting an argument/fight with Twilight and Applejack, respectively. "Hey, these are actually kinda' cute," he admitted, before a fifth picture that was stuck to the back of the first one slowly peeled off it and fell to the floor.

"Hey, what's... What exactly... What's that stuff between our legs?" Ty asked, holding the picture up to the nonexistent light with his magic, framing it with his forehooves and rotating it. His right eye was closed and his tongue was sticking out in contemplation, while his cheeks noticeably reddened.

[Huh?] Faust asked, weaving around Ty and glancing over his shoulder. [Oh... OH!] She exclaimed, before telekinetically ripping it out of Ty's magical hold. [That's... not important right now.] She muttered to him while hastily shoving all five pictures back into the panel and closing it. [Anyway, we better be getting you back to Equestria. Your voice actor hasn't expressed his... want to stick around on the show for more than this special, so we better get this show on the road. I can't remember, who was your voice actor, anyway? I think it was either Carter Hayden, Lyon Smith, or Zachary Bennett. Or maybe it was... Ah, forget it. Doesn't matter whose voice is coming out of your mouth when you get to be a part of the real deal, huh? And you're going to have a part, and you are gonna like it.]

"I..."

[Just be prepared for a little more... friendship, this time around, shall we say? Have fun! We'll be watching.]

Ty was off-put by a bright flash emanating from Faust's horn once again, consuming his vision as all his other senses dulled and went numb. The last thing he remembered seeing was Faust smirking down at him as the light faded.

Waking up to the sensation of falling usually is not a good sign. Immediately feeling a sensation of hitting several surfaces before impacting the ground directly after that's usually even worse. Yet, that is exactly what happened to Ty, currently doing his best to shake the bleariness out of his eyes and the dirt out of his mouth.

"BLEH! Ugh, that is disgusting," he muttered, before shakily getting back onto his rear hooves. He stumbled around as he tried to get his balance back, slouching down and staring at the dirt path he was stood on. 'Okay, guess it's time to do this charade again. Stumble into pony, interact, near-death experience, repeat. I can practically feel it coming, three, two, one...'

Immediately after he thought 'one' a pony bumped into Ty from behind. 'And there it is.'

"Watch where you're standing!" The orange mare yelled, running past him with an overflowing cart of carrots.

"... S-sorry!" Ty yelled back to her, not expecting her to keep going. Another look at where he was revealed Faust apparently dropped him off a series of rooftops at the edge of Ponyville's market, late at evening with most stalls closing up shop.

"'Scuse me!" A walleyed pegasus said before flying between Ty's legs, getting stuck at first but squeezing her way through with some effort. "Heh-heh, that was fun!"

"Excuse you, too, I guess," he muttered. Not many ponies were left at this point, Ty noticed. Just a few running late or had more complex and permanent shops to close up. There was the bowling alley, a small diner, a bakery, made out of gingerbread, currently situated behind a pink flash that glomped Ty so hard the two masses were sent bowling through multiple stalls.

"OH MY CELESTIA HE LIVES!" Pinkie yelled, the rolling ball of ponies stopping with the mare sat on top of the still not entirely conscious Ty. "Are you a vision, or are you a ghost, or am I dreaming, cuz' I've been punching myself in the face for the last two sentences and I don't think this level of pain is possible to be felt in dreams!"

"Huh?"

"I mean come on! You died a week ago, I gave a speech at your funeral, and now you're here and Twilight's gonna be super-duper-ooper-schmooper happy to see you because Celestia's gonna be super-duper-ooper-schmooper-pooper-scooper happy to see you and *GASP!* We gotta go tell them somehow Ty returned because-"

Ty stuttered out while he gasped for air, as Pinkie had unwittingly been squeezing him and slamming him into the ground repeatedly out of excitement. "Pinkie- Please-! Brain damage-! I wa-hanna die again-!"

"Oops," she muttered, hopping off of him and biting his forehoof to help him get up. She continued while bouncing in place, "Sorry! It's just that now that you're back, things can go back to the way they used to be! Come on, Twilight's hotel is thisaway!"

Ty watched the party pony bounce off, contentedly closing her eyes and bounding over other pedestrians. Seeing her inattentiveness, his gaze was inevitably drawn to a nearby alleyway. A secluded, dark alleyway that invariably led to a way out of his situation. Ty pressed both his forehooves to his temples glancing to the alleyway, to Pinkie, to the sky, and to his flank.

He deeply sighed with closed eyes, and, dropping to all fours, held his head low and slowly trotted after Pinkie Pie.

[You know I heard your little remark about Ty back there.]

(It was still right, eh? He was absurdly bucked.)

[I know, but you need to know when an appropriate time to butt in is.]

(Never stopped you.)

[That's different, I'm God.]

(Uh huh, sure.)

[Oh, shut up. You're the reason I say the stupid things I do, anyway, idiot.]

(And you wonder why I write so slowly.)

[Nope. That's just you being slow.]

(Thanks.)

[You're welcome.]

...

[You gonna end the chapter, now?]

(Eh. Sure.)

Author's Note

Just a little reminder that all characters are owned by Hasbro.

I mean, at least I THINK Lauren Faust is owned by Hasbro.

The thing about sails...

'Looking at this vast mass of apple trees, I realized something. I had something more than just my toque, but a better idea of where I am. The Everfree couldn't have been that big, and since I saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon back there, I'm probably near ponyville, and at least in Equestria. But now I'm positive.

Come on, there's a barn-ish building over there and an outright sign showing me where I am. At least I think that sign means this is Sweet Apple Acres. It's only ten feet in front of me and I can just barely make out the sign's inscription. Was my vision always this... no, it had to be the writing. It's just a bunch of wavy lines, that's all. Completely indistinguishable from gibberish if you didn't understand it. Like newspaper print in animated TV shows like the one I'm in. Or Japanese.

'*Sigh*' Well this is an interesting situation. I'm basically a paper cut-out who can't read, has no idea on how to use magic, and no personal connections in a world pretty much depending on them. And I thought this could've been simple. I had my ship's route, and the sail just had to catch a different breeze. The only thing I'm missing is amnesia and I'll be...'

Would amnesia help here? Actually, yes. I've got it! I'll pretend I've lost my memory! Then it'll make sense that I know barely anything about this world, and if I say something they don't understand, I'll just play it off as an inside joke.

I'll save that for when I need it, which might be quite often considering who I'm sharing a world with.

Anypony would be concerned if there was an alien in a pony's body, so anyone with a lot of power would probably have me put in jail and questioned as if I was here to invade. Being studied by a foreign government was generally something I wanted to avoid. And since I don't know of any portals to Earth just lying around, it might be best If I just stay out of the way, especially of any royalty.

The elements in general all present their own little problems for me. Twilight would catch on quicker than the others, and if she did it's only a matter of time before I'm strapped to a chair next to a bunch of surgical equipment. Applejack would be the one to find me, considering I'm right next to her family's farm which might be my only source of food for a while. I might be able to convince Fluttershy to stay quiet if she met me, but in order to do that she needs to not see me as a threat to either her, her friends, or any animals. Rarity would have the most social influence, so if she's concerned, essentially everyone else is concerned. I might have to simply trick Rainbow Dash in some way. She would be the hardest to outright lose, what with the whole "fastest flyer in Equestria" and all that. Pinkie Pie might not even be believed by her friends about the whole "Shapeshifting alien" bit. Knowing her, she'd probably just find out naturally. I'd never be able to do anything to lose her though, and after a while the "Welcome to Ponyville party" invitation cards would start to say "Get your flank over here this instant!". And all of them at the same time? I'm basically screwed in the "don't get found" department at that point.

The only other pony I would worry about would be Lyra. Now, my knowledge on the shows world and it's characters itself is somewhat limited due to my small pool of episodes to pull from, as the only way I could watch it was at Zach's when he's not at work. So because of that I've seen Boast Busters more times than I have hooves (He really likes Trixie), and I haven't even seen the first episode. But I've also hung around him long enough to know about what bronies think about Lyra and Bon Bon, so putting those two together with me would be absolute chaos.

At this point, I'll just make my way back to the divide between the Everfree and orchard. The only other thing I could do to sell it would be to change my name, as "Ty" doesn't exactly scream Equestrian or Earthen. If I wanted Equestrian I could easily think of something. I guess I could name myself after someone for an Earth name. All I have is a toque and bad luck to work with on either one. Really, I don't know if I should lean heavily into one or the-

"So, why did you want us out here, again?"

I froze. I'd recognize that raspy voice any time. Slowly turning I saw several ponies down by the barn. Small patches of orange, yellow, and cyan, along with a larger red one. I quickly figured out who they all were.

"The paints runnin' thin and the ladders busted. Now, ain't that right Big Mac?"

"*Sigh* eeyup."

'Gee, thanks captain exposition.'

I could barely make out Fluttershy saying, "Well I would be glad to help."

Luckily nopony had seen where I was, so I started to retreat into the brush.

Keyword, 'luckily'.

I don't normally associate myself with that word.

"Hey, did you see something over there?" I heard Rainbow Dash ask.

Applejack replied with, "Yeah, it kinda looked like Rarity."

"But why would Rarity be in a forest, let alone the Everfree?" Rainbow Dash returned.

"What if there's a problem?" Fluttershy suggested.

"Then we had better go solve it!" Applejack said back.

This could prove an issue. They made their way over to where I was, but I had nothing to distract them with. Well, almost nothing.

With a sigh, I started to pull off my toque, then threw it over towards a tree.

"Was that her?" Fluttershy thought out loud, "It kind of looked like her mane."

"Let's see," Applejack told her.

'Perfect. Now let's just back up slowly and-'

CRUNCH

"EEP!" Fluttershy squeaked.

Startled, I whipped around and saw I'd stepped on a dry branch. SCREW YOU, CLICHES!

"W-W-Was that her?" Fluttershy asked the others.

Nopony answered.

"Hey, da' any of ya'll get the feeling we're being watched?" questioned Applejack.

"Eeyup."

'This could be bad.'

"It feels like it's coming from over here," Rainbow Dash suggested, heading directly toward my bush.

'And it's bad. Thank you cartoon logic! Very cool! Now they'll be here and thinking I'm Pinkie Pie!

Wait... That might actually be a good thing.'

As though nothing was wrong, I slowly stepped out of a bush, looking at everypony with an unrealistically large grin on my face.

Applejack and the others looked surprised. "Oh! Howdy there, Pinkie. You feeling okay? That's a really small smile on yer face. How'd you get all white anyway, it's not really your color."

Unrealistically for me anyway.

"Wait, that's not Pinkie Pie, Applejack. Her Cutie Mark is different," Rainbow dash responded. This made me lose the grin further, and start my way back into the bush.

"Hey, now wait just a minute," Applejack said.

"Uh... hi," I did my best to answer calmly, though their shocked expressions showed me they weren't calm.

Just then, a sound rang in my ears. No, not a sound. This was more, musical. Oh, please don't tell me I have to deal with musical numbers.

Apparently, Applejack noticed my confused expression. "Um, you alright there sugarcube?"

This, at the time, was a bit too much to process as the music started up. "NNNOPE!"

"I'd rather"

I don't know why, or more importantly how, but I automatically knew what to do. The words just came out, even though not talking might have been more beneficial. I still know how to play the cards I'm dealt, and I felt the song felt the same way.

Every time one of them was a bit too close, whether because they just wanted to ask who I was or whatever comic book randomness Rainbow Dash was expecting, the words decided to help me out with some surprising nonsense they had to stop and consider.

The words felt perfectly designed to help me out, even if smacking into a tree didn't. That was what caused me to get cornered between it and Big Macintosh. Using the lyrics to my advantage, or the other way around, I did the first thing I thought of. I can't say it was the best idea, but casually calling Big Mac "Dad" was just enough to confuse him enough to zip by him, though he didn't seem to keep following after that for some reason.

Not much else seemed to help at the time, and all I could do was continue as the three that were left kept chasing, more or less out of concern. "Concern" actually sums up how I felt when the first to catch up to me was Fluttershy. Something for the cartoon, probably.

"Um, sir, do you think we can stop and just talk?" She asked me.

"Oh, I'd love to. But I don't think your friends would like that idea. Maybe you could ask them?"

"I think that's a lovely idea," Fluttershy said as she started to drift back to her friends.

'Perfect. Now I just slow down and convince them to let me leave once they stop.'

Applejack and Rainbow Dash couldn't believe what had happened in the last thirty seconds. Fluttershy caught up to this random pony who ran from us for no reason. After all, what's strange about musical numbers in the Everfree? We've all had one at some point, right? And then all she does is talk to them and come back here asking them to stop so we can come to an agreement.

"Honestly Fluttershy, it's probably just a trick," Rainbow Dash told her after seeing what had happened.

Applejack added, "Yeah, it's probably best if y'all jus' head back, we'll take care of this."

"Alright then," Fluttershy added before leaving.

"Oh, well. I offered."

I hadn't even noticed the music I had hit a split in the song, but immediately after it reminded me by forcing some lyrics out of me again, this time managing to flash by Applejack after convincing her we shared the same name. Now all that's left is Rainbow Dash. Unfortunately, that's where the song ended, so I have to do the improvising now.

She was just a few feet behind me. I was continuing my efforts to utilize our relatively thin frames by dashing through small sections of vines, upturned roots, and thick foliage, yet she was still gaining on me. Rainbow seemed like most of her practice was held in open areas, mainly focused on sheer speed and stunts. She may have the ability to do tricks and travel extremely fast in a single direction, but this is a woodland filled to the brim with obstacles. That's my specialty.

Despite that, those short bursts of speed were just too much. I needed an idea, and I think I've got it. I suddenly jerked to the left, still failing to lose her.

'Come on, where is it?' I looked around until I finally found it. Right in front of me was the river.

SPLASH

It worked just as I thought, pegasus wings didn't exactly do well in water, and she refused to go in it. I couldn't hold back a grin. She started to hover towards me.

"Look-"

"Yeah, right. Now you're trying to talk to me. Maybe you should just stop since apparently I'm your enemy," that's when they stopped when they saw the concerned look on my face. "There's a waterfall right behind me, isn't there?"

I nodded.

"*Sigh* Just my luck," right behind them was a large drop.

The pony jumped. They didn't make it to the ledge, they just jumped.

"Wait!" I shouted at the falling mystery pony, but as I lurched forward towards the ledge he had already disappeared. I couldn't see him over the edge and I had no idea where he could have gone. He wouldn't have hit the bottom by now.

"That's gonna be hard to forget," I thought out loud, before heading back to find the others.

Unseen by Rainbow Dash, Ty was holding onto an indent in the cliff with his forehooves.

"Phew, thank you Henry-" he started to say before realizing he shouldn't be able to hold on to this rocky section. He started to lose his grip, and almost immediately after he lost it entirely.

It was at this moment that he knew. He screwed up.