Wait, Me?

by applezombi

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rainbow Dash (EqG), Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Equestria Girls, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Applejack
Length: 1590

The Cutie Map calls Applejack to the portal that leads to Earth. Alone.

Applejack is not quite ready for her latest friendship mission.

She has to get sucked through an interdimensional vacuum cleaner, have her entire body re-shaped, and get dumped in an alien world she's only heard about secondhoof from Twilight.

It certainly doesn't help that she has no idea what her mission will be. And since the map only summoned AJ, she has to go alone.

Not that she's scared or anything!

Written in one half hour for a Quills and Sofas PANIC! Authors were given a very specific prompt that fit a very specific genre, then required to NOT write in that genre. This came out of that mess.

Published 2021-11-25 18:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-11-25 18:20:00 UTC

Chapter 1

“Are you sure?” I hated how my voice shook. I was a damned coward.

“I’m sure, Applejack. It’s safe. I’ve been through a hundred times.” I could hear the impending lecture in Twilight’s voice. She wanted to explain to me how it all worked, I could tell. But she was holding back.

“But what if I…”

“AJ, just go already!” Of course Dash sounded jealous. She wanted to go through instead of me. But it wasn’t her butt that was flashing and vibrating, it was mine, which meant it was my body being sucked through the mirror portal, my innards being rearranged and reshaped until I looked like some sort of bipedal horror show with no hooves and no muzzle, my body that’s gonna be shoved into magically summoned clothes, my…

I couldn’t think about it too hard. I gulped, and stepped up to the portal. “Yeah, yeah, keep yer pants on, Dash. I just… just gotta work myself up to it, that’s all.” I held my hat on with one hoof. Maybe Twilight was right, and I’d have clothes on the other side, but I needed to keep my hat. It was the rule. “Honestly, Twi, I’m jumpier than a cat in a room fulla rocking chairs. I just dunno…”

“I'm certain that you’ll be just fine. I’d be coming too, except we both know that’s not how the map works.” Twilight always looked a little put out when she couldn’t come with us on our friendship missions.

“Well, if you’re so sure…” I reached out with one hoof, and brushed it against the mirror. It didn’t feel like any mirror I’d ever touched before. It was warm. My fur stood on edge, and my skin crawled. I couldn’t help but shudder.

“Are you gonna chicken out? Cuz I thought you were the second bravest pony in Ponyville!” Dash, as usual, was hovering, and she threw her hooves high in the air. “For goodness sake, AJ. Spike goes through all the time! If he can…”

“Shut up, Dash,” I growled at her. “Fine. I’ll go through.” I pushed my hoof just a little further, and it disappeared into the mirror. The surface was rippling, I could feel… something brushing up against my hoof. “Uh… T-twi? Is it supposed to feel like that?” I glanced back to see the two faces of my friends; Twilight’s, patient and encouraging, and Dash’s, annoyed and bored.

“I’ve always gone through quickly, Applejack, so I…”

“I-I can’t, Twi. Maybe the map got it wrong. Maybe…” I started to pull my hoof back, but that’s when something wrapped around it. Several long somethings, in fact. They grabbed onto my hoof, and with no warning, they pulled.

I may be the pony of Honesty or whatever, but I’ll never admit to screaming.

Going through the portal felt like being eaten alive by a rainbow and then pooped out the other end. It’s like I imagined what looking into Pinkie’s brain might feel like. And then there’s the physical sensation; ever had your hooves pulled apart and put back together again, your neck bent at a weird angle, your tail get sucked into your behind, all while your hooves sprout little tentacle things and your ears shrink into your brain? Yeah. It’s like that.

When my eyes started working again, I was on all four hooves, on some sort of cement.

Wait.

Not hooves. Hands. That was the word Twi had used when I told her I hadn’t read her ‘briefing materials’. But what did she think I was, some sorta scholar? Yeah right, not this gal.

Somepony was standing in front of me. I could see her red shoes. One of them was tapping impatiently. They were oddly shaped, but when I glanced down to the end of my way-too-long hind hooves (legs, AJ. They’re legs. That’s what Twi said. With feets on them.) I had some sorta boots on, too. And they were just as oddly shaped. Too long. I could feel little wiggly things on the end of them, too, like the ones on the end of my hands, only shorter. Guess I had claws like a dragon now, or something.

“Took ya long enough!” Dash said. I glanced up at…

Was it Rainbow Dash? Looked like her. Same rainbow hair. Same magenta eyes. Same confident smirk. Only her muzzle was flat, her ears were on the sides of her head, her… everything… was all out of sorts. It looked like one of those ‘modern art’ sort of things that Canterlot ponies drooled over and looked like something Apple Bloom mighta drawn that time she mistook Granny’s secret reserve cider with the un-fermented stuff.

“Dash?” I said dumbly. “You come through too?”

“What? Oh, no, I didn’t. I’m this world’s Dash.” She held out her forehoof, wiggling the little appendages at me. “C’mon, lemme help you up.”

“What’s goin’ on?”

“We got a message from Twi. Her magic map summoned you to help with some sorta friendship problem, right? Well, she let Sunset know, and so I volunteered to come pick you up. Couldn’t be you, of course. Well, this world’s you. I mean the you that’s not you. You know…”

“Y’all wanna slow down a bit, Dash?” My vision was swimming. “I feel like ten bits worth of apples in a five bit bag.”

She looked at me funny, and laughed. “That’s not how that phrase goes over here. C’mon, take my hand, I’ll help you up.” I lifted my own… hand… and wiggled my own claws. Fingers? Rainbow grabbed them, and with a gentleness I didn’t expect, pulled me to my hind hooves. I nearly stumbled, but she quickly reached out and steadied me. “Careful, there, AJ. Sunset warned us that it takes a while to get used to bike pedal local ocean. Or whatever words she uses.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” But her steadying arm was a blessing. She held me upright while I put one foot in front of the other. Good news was, it seemed my own body had instincts. It wasn’t hard to figure out, and after a few steps I was on my own.

“See? You’re a natural,” Rainbow clapped me on the back. “Now. Follow me, I’ll show you to my car. We’ll head to my house, that’s where you’ll be staying.”

“With you? Uh, I kinda thought I’d be staying with…”

“Staying with the other you?” Rainbow laughed nervously. “Nah. Not a chance. Um. She doesn’t know you’re here. Only me, Sunset, and Pinkie. And we had to bribe Pinkie not to say anything.”

“So… you lied to my counterpart?” I scowled at Rainbow.

“Not lied! Just… didn’t mention it, is all.” Rainbow looked like she was sweating. We walked side by side, towards what looked like some sorta closed-top cart with rubber wheels and metal sides and top. Twi had warned me about those, too. Automocars, I think she called them. Ran on some sorta explosion. I eyed it like you’d eye a bull minotaur trying to juggle Granny’s china.

“You wanna explain what’s going on to me?” I demanded. Making Dash tell me the whole story was a good excuse to stop from getting closer to the automocar.

“Um.” Dash turned her back to me, and she was wringing her hands together. It must have been a nervous tic.

“Dash, if you don’t tell me what’s happening, I swear to Celestia I’ll turn around and walk right through that statue again.”

“It’s me!” Dash wailed suddenly. She spun around and grabbed my hands. “I’m doomed, AJ. I can’t do it, and I need your help. I’m falling apart.” I could guess just how hard this was for her. My Dash had a hard time admitting weakness, so it made sense the other Dash did, too.

“Woah, nelly. Slow down and tell me the whole thing, RD.”

“I’m the friendship problem, AJ. You see, there’s this… girl.”

Oh. Well. Love problems. “Uh, shouldn't you have gone to see Rarity about this, then? Seems like her area of expertise.”

“You think I didn’t try that?” Dash snorted. “Of course she was the first stop. But three hours, six book recommendations, and twelve dresses later, and I’m no closer to asking my crush out. Rarity talks a big game, but she lacks experience. And I’m probably beyond her help! I can’t believe I’m such a… weakling.”

“Well, if not Rares, don’t you have your own AJ you could talk to?”

“No!” Rainbow squeaked. Squeaked. Seriously, the only pony I’d ever heard make a similar noise was Sweetie Belle. “I can’t! Not about… this!”

“Why not? I’m sure she’s just as…”

And that was when the other horseshoe dropped. The other AJ couldn’t come to meet me. The other AJ couldn’t know I was here. The other AJ couldn’t help Rainbow Dash with her crush.

“Oh, horseapples.”

Author's Note

As it says in the long description, this was an odd contest. I received the following prompt, with the restriction that I was not allowed to write sci-fi with this prompt.

Prompt: She wavered, one hoof in the portal, three hooves out, feeling the cool ripple of the nether against her fur. She was about to signal her friends that it'd been a false alarm when she felt something latch onto her outstretched hoof and *pull* from the other side.

On top of that, it was a panic contest, so I only had a half hour to write.