The map table in the Castle of Friendship was circular, it’s thrones all equal height. This allowed the friends who met here to always feel even with one another, a subtle reminder that while some of them might be newly immortal alicorn princesses, in the eyes of their duties to the land, at least, they were still equal.
So why did Applejack feel like she was on the wrong side of an interrogation table at the moment?
The farm pony swallowed hard and wilted under her friend’s gazes. “Uh… so what’s the meetin’ about again?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” Rainbow Dash snorted.
“Can’t…” Another gulp. “Can’t say that it is.”
“This meeting is about you, Applejack.” Twilight leaned over the table and rested her head on her hooves. “Specifically about you and your brother.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “I still don’t follow.”
“Applejack, we’re all friends here.” Rarity took a sip from the wineglass suspended in her magic. “Let’s not be coy. You knew this meeting was going to happen sooner or later.”
“I don’t get why anythin’ concernin’ me or my kin is the concern of the rest of ya.” Applejack looked at each of her friends in turn. “’Specially not enough to warrant a meetin’ like this.”
“Um, excuse me?” Fluttershy raised a hoof timidly. “Would anypony mind if I spoke frankly?”
“Go ahead, Flutters.” Pinkie Pie waved her on encouragingly.
Fluttershy gave her friend a warm smile before looking back at Applejack. “Applejack; you need to stop fucking your brother in public.”
The silence that followed was palpable.
“Be… beg pardon?” Applejack’s eyebrow raised just a smidge higher.
“Well said, Fluttershy.” Rarity nodded approvingly at her friend before returning her attention to the earth pony at the meeting’s center. “What you do behind closed doors is nopony’s business but your own, darling, but once you bring it out in the open…”
“It’s gross, okay?” Rainbow Dash threw her hooves in the air. “It’s fucking gross and I hate that you make me look at it.”
“Don’t rightly recall makin’ you watch anything, Dash.” Applejack growled.
“Oh really?” Rainbow Dash leaned in, her eyes narrowing in challenge. “Then what about last Wednesday? When I came over to pick up that barrel of cider I’d preordered?”
Rainbow Dash gracefully landed on the farm-house’s front porch and raised a hoof to knock. Instead, the door swung wide on first contact. Confused, the pegasus leaned past the threshold and looked around. “Uh… hello? Anypony home?”
“Oh, h-hey D-dash.” Applejack poked her head around the corner from the nearby kitchen with a friendly, if slightly dopey, look on her face. “Help you with-th somethin’?”
“Uh… yeah?” Rainbow Dash gestured to the nearby clock on the wall. “You told me this was a good time to come grab that barrel.”
“Oh, shucks. Th-that’s on me.” Applejack’s face was flushed already, so her blush of embarrassment was barely visible. “I can get that for you lick-lick-lickety split.”
“Is everything okay?” Dash tried to look around Applejack’s head into the kitchen. “Any problems in there?”
“Nope. No problems at all. Just finishin’ up, actually.” Applejack was panting now, her tongue starting to slip past her lips. “Won’t be b-but another m-minute.”
Rainbow Dash sniffed and wrinkled her muzzle at an aroma she was all too familiar with. “Geez, AJ; I know how bad you need it sometimes, but is the kitchen really the best place to get yourself off?”
“Who… who said anythin’ about… about…” The rest of the sentence was lost in a choked cry as her eyes rolled backwards and her entire body shook with an internal tremor. When the following aftershock passed, her eyelids slid forward and she looked at Dash with a look of pure and plain satisfaction. “There we go. ‘Preciate the patience, Dash.”
“Hey, no worries. I get it.” Rainbow Dash waved a dismissive hoof. “But I really do need that cider. I’ve got some of the Wonderbolts coming over tonight and…”
“Naw, I get it.” She straightened herself up, righted the hat on her head, and looked back behind her. “Would ya mind grabbin’ that for her?”
Big Mac emerged from behind his sister and smiled in a friendly manner, his sister’s post-orgasmic juices still coating his face. “Nope.”
“But my house ain’t public!” Applejack protested. She pointed a hoof at Rarity. “You just said that behind closed doors didn’t count.”
“You explicitly told me to be there at that exact time. You knew I was going to be there, and yet you still had Mac muzzle deep. That’s, like, all kinds of fucked up.” Rainbow Dash stuck out her tongue. “And inconsiderate to boot.”
“Well how was I supposed to know Mac would come in from the field wantin’ a sna…?”
“If you finish that sentence, I swear to Celestia I’ll fly across this table and bury my hoof in your teeth.”
Applejack bared the threatened items in question. “I’d like to see you try.”
“Applejack, please.” Rarity made to refill her glass. “It’s not like Rainbow Dash is the only one among us whose had your personal acts shoved into our faces.”
Applejack looked at the fashionista incredulously. “I’m hard pressed to think of a time when you…”
“The marketplace.” Rarity recalled airily. “Two weeks hence, I believe it was…”
Rarity adjusted her new hat as she waved to Roseluck and the other flower mares. "Good morning, ladies!" She beamed as she took in the hustle and bustle of the Ponyville Sunday Market. Tucked into her saddlebag was a list of essentials she needed to pick up today, but she figured a quick visit to the Apple Family's stall, and a snack of freshly prepared applesauce, would be the perfect way to start the shopping day.
As she approached the simple wooden structure, she could plainly see Big Mac's impressive size framed by the sales window. Of his business-minded sister there was no sign. 'Must be in the back checking on stock.' She decided.
Oddly, Mac paid her no mind as she stepped closer. Normally Mac was ready to greet a customer or friend from a mile away. But now? Now he appeared to be totally lost in his own little world. Daydreaming? How adorably coltish of him. Or perhaps he was taking a late morning cat-nap. Those Apples always were rousing themselves at the crack of dawn.
In any case, a little scare wouldn't do him much harm. She stepped up to the window and cleared her throat. "Ahem?"
Mac didn't acknowledge her at all. Just remained staring straight ahead, a slightly euphoric look on his face.
Rarity pursed her lips. "Uh, Mac? Is everything alright?"
Still, nothing from her fellow Pony-Tone.
Slightly irritated now, Rarity placed her hooves on the windowsill and hefted herself up to Mac's eye level. "You know, it's not very polite to ignore..."
Mac cut her off with a sudden shuddering moan. His whole body seemed to sag, and his normally laid back and relaxed demeanor returned. He turned to her and smiled widely.
Rarity smiled nervously. "Are… are you feeling alright, darling?"
"Eeyup." Came the cheerful reply.
"Woo-ee, Mac. That was quite the back up." Applejack's head rose into view and she smiled at one of her dearest friends. "What can we do for you, Rares?"
Rarity's eyes focused almost unwillingly on the dollop of white on the farmer's orange cheek. "Erm, dear; is that...?"
Applejack followed her sightline and chuckled. "Oh, must’ve slipped out. Thanks for pointin' that out." Her tongue darted out, lapped up the drop, and carried it home to her mouth. She swallowed and smiled widely. "Woulda been right embarrasin' to have that on my face all day."
Applejack blushed. “Well, I reckon that don’t rightly count. Jest a lil’ ol’ blowjob. Who’d that ever hurt?”
“It’s not the act itself that’s the issue, Applejack.” Fluttershy offered in her most conciliatory tone. “It’s you being so open about it, no matter the time of day or location.”
“I don’t see why…”
“Because some of us don’t like coming to pay you a social call and having our noses shoved in to a random act of incestual passion.”
Applejack blinked slowly. “You… yer talkin’ literally, ain’t y…”
“Of course I’m talking literally!” Fluttershy snapped.
Fluttershy hummed softly to herself as she made her way through Sweet Apple Acres’ eastern orchard. She’d stopped by the farm to invite Applejack to tea, and Apple Bloom had told her that her older siblings were working out this way today.
The sun was beaming down with all its glory, and the warmth on Fluttershy’s coat was matched only by the cozy warmth in her heart. All around her was the ambient noises of nature; the soft rush of the wind in the trees, the layers of birdsong in the air. The air itself smelled of fresh apples and warm sap. She closed her eyes as she continued on, letting her nose and ears fully relish the stimuli around her.
She heard low voices ahead of her and unconsciously picked up the pace. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, but the tone and inflections gave away the owners as the pair of ponies she was seeking. She opened her mouth to announce herself…
…and ran her muzzle smack dab into something hot, wet, and writhing.
Her eyes shot open, filling her vision with a doctor’s view of a pony’s vagina and tail-hole. Her wings popped open and flung her backwards where she collided with a tree trunk. She paid it no mind as she used her hooves to desperately wipe at her muzzle… which was now positively soaked with marecum.
Applejack dislodged Mac’s sizable rod from her throat with nary a choke (years of practice) and looked back in concern. When she saw just who had become intimately familiar with her back end, she grinned. “Well, hey there Fluttershy! What brings you all the way out here?” She raised her plot slightly. “Mac, look who’s here.”
“Howdy, Fluttershy.” Mac’s upside down face greeted from his place under Applejack’s hindquarters.
“Look, I don’t understand why I’m still apologizin.’ There’s only so many ways I can say I’m sorry.”
“There’s at least one too many mares at this table who know what your asshole looks like, Applejack.” Fluttershy’s face was thoroughly unamused.
“Well what in the hay were you doin’ traipsin’ through the orchard with your eyes closed anyways.” Applejack broke eye contact and pulled her hat down over her eyes. “Coulda tripped on a root or somethin.’”
“If I’d been coming the opposite way, it would’ve been Mac’s root that I tripped on.”
“Not likely.” Applejack’s sly grin was still visible. “I can take that bad boy deep.”
“Don’t be gross, Applejack.” Twilight gently chastised her as she examined a nearby book. “I’ve considered the possibility that this might be some kind of kink you have…” She snapped the book shut and stared hard at the farmer. “Do you get off on being watched?”
Applejack returned her hat to its proper place and shook her head. “Can’t say that I do. Can’t imagine where ya’ll would get that idea.”
“You can’t.” Pinkie Pie deadpanned. “Even after what happened last Monday? At the bakery?”
Pinkie’s ears perked up at the familiar DING of the bell above Sugarcube Corner’s front door. “Be right with you!” She called merrily as she didn’t even bother looking up from the task at hoof.
“No worries, Pinkie. We don’t mind waitin’.”
Pinkie Pie looked up with a grin at the familiar drawl. “Hey, AJ. Just finishing up your order now.”
“Thanks, sugarcube. I know Granny’s gonna love these cupcakes.” She elbowed the large stallion by her side. “Pay the mare, Mac.”
“Eeyup.” Mac rumbled, reaching for the bag of bits tied to his bag.
“Ah ah ah!” Pinkie Pie placed the box of perfectly frosted confections on the counter with a flourish. “You know the house policy; no payment until tasting.”
“That’s not policy!” Mr. Cake called from the back kitchen.
“Pinkie Policy, then!”
“YOU DON’T OWN THIS SHOP!”
“Not yeeeeet!” Pinkie Pie whisper-sung. She gestured to the cakes. “Go ahead.”
Applejack lifted one pastry to her nose and sniffed. “Smells real good.” She held it out to her brother. “Give it a lick?”
Mac obliged with the tiniest touch of his tongue to frosting. His eyes went wide at the first taste and the cupcake was suddenly gone in a single bite. He swallowed and gave an embarrassed smile. “Sorry. Just tastes real good.”
Applejack laughed heartily as she shook her head. “You big doofus. I didn’t even get to taste it.” She spied a dab of frosting at the corner of Mac’s lips. “Oh, there we go.” She leaned forward and kissed the icing away, licking her lips at the taste. “That is good.” She leaned toward the platter to take another whiff, but her nose dipped too far and touched the frosting. “Oh, damn…”
“I’ll get it.” Mac leaned in at once and slowly, languidly, dragged her broad tongue along his sister’s muzzle.
Applejack didn’t hesitate, capturing his mouth in a sloppy and hurried kiss.
“Please don’t do this here.” Pinkie Pie whispered, her smile frozen on her face as her eyes widened in panic.
The Apple siblings paid her no mind as they clutched and groped at one another, the platter of cupcakes forgotten for the time being.
Pinkie’s eye twitched as the pair began sinking towards the floor. “Please. I have to clean the lobby today…”
“Got awful quiet out…” Mr. Cake peeked out the doors to the kitchen, took one look at what was happening on his store’s floor, then returned from whence he came.
“We paid extra.” Applejack defended herself.
“Do you have any idea how long it takes to get jizz stains off polished hardwood?” Pinkie’s eyelid twitched again.
“’Smatter of fact…” Applejack coughed. “I do.”
Twilight sighed as she again leaned in. “AJ, this is all small potatoes. We talked about it, and we were all willing to look the other way.”
“Well, then what’s changed?”
Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “Four words.” She tapped the table with her hoof in time with each one. “The. Grand. Galloping. Gala.”
“I think that’s the last of them.” Twilight slumped against Luna’s throne and cast a minor healing spell on her sore hoof. “I think we personally greeted every duke, duchess, and baron in the whole of Equestria.”
“Indeed.” Princess Celestia exhaled as she too returned to her seat. “I’m so glad it’s Luna’s turn next year.” She looked down at her student and smiled. “This fulfills your official obligations for the evening. What are you planning to do next?”
Twilight shrugged. “The girls and I didn’t really have anything planned.”
“Any eligible stallions catch your eye?” Celestia winked. “I saw that Applejack brought that handsome brother of hers.”
“Yeah, that. That’s complicated.” Twilight scanned the grand ballroom’s circumference, looking for a sign of her friends.
“Oh, my.” Celestia peered over towards the center of the room.
“What?”
“There’s some kind of commotion on the dance floor.” Celestia leaned forward. “I can’t quite make out…”
Twilight’s eyes were millennia younger than her mentor’s, and she saw the source of the noise much faster. “Oh no.”
“Is that…? It is! It’s Applejack!” Celestia laughed as the crowd began to pull away from a pair of ponies. “I fear your friend has had one too many hard ciders tonight.” She cocked her head. “And who is that stallion she’s dancing with. Er, rather, on.”
Twilight wanted to shrink away and vanish. “That would be Big Mac. Her brother.” She peeked out from between her hooves. “And they’re not dancing.”
Celestia blinked rapidly. “Oh. Oh my.” She leaned even closer. “What is it you young ponies call it these days? Reverse cowgirl?”
"Alright, that's about enough of this." Applejack slammed her hooves down on the table with enough force that small cracks radiated out from the impact (and immediately fixed themselves because, y'know, magic map table.) "I think I've finally figured out what ya'll's problem is."
"Wow, it took you this long?" Rainbow Dash muttered sarcastically. "I thought it was pretty clear after Rarity's nut-chugging recollection."
Applejack ignored the barb and looked around at her assembled friends. "Yup, I've just about got it sorted." She snorted irritably. "You’re a bunch of damn hypocrites."
"Hypocrites?" Fluttershy gasped.
"That's right. Hypocrites. Ya'll are gonna sit here and judge me about how I carry on business with my kin... when we all know damn well that ya'll are all into the exact same shit I am."
Five sets of eyes widened. "Applejack..." Fluttershy started. "That's not..."
"Fluttershy, I'm most surprised by you. Ain't you been tendin' to Zephyr's needs since the first time Dash turned him down? You're the last pony I thought would be condemnin' a little roll in the hay with yer brother." She turned to the next in the circle. "Rarity, you were just tellin' me last week about how much closer you felt with yer folks since ya'll hooked up at that underground swinger's party. What was it you told me?" She raised her nose in the air, affecting a decent impression of Rarity at her most snobbish. "'I tell you, darling; there's nothing quite as delicious as your father behind you and your mother under your tongue at the same time.'"
Rarity made a face and chugged the last of her wine.
Applejack's eyes came to Rainbow Dash next. "And speakin' of being the meat in a parental sandwich; haven't you been 'trainin' with your folks practically since your first heat?" She looked to Pinkie Pie. "And you, Miss 'It Gets Lonely On a Rock Farm?' You wanna tell me you got a little weirded out by Mac and I makin’ out in the bakery after what I heard you and your sisters getting into last Hearth's Warming?" Before Pinkie could rebut, Applejack turned her gaze at last to Twilight. "And we can't forget the Queen Bee of Brother Boinkin,' can we? Is Shining Armor coming over with more official business this week, or will you be takin' another little trip to the Empire to scratch that particular itch?"
Silence reigned as it felt, to Applejack at least, that the proverbial tables had turned.
She sighed and shook her head. "Girls... I get it. Yer jealous."
"WHAT?!" Came the unified reply.
"Yup, plain jealous. Ya'll can't stand that Mac and I ain't got no shame in how we conduct ourselves. Yer jealous because you feel like you don't have the courage to be as out about it as we are. And that's fine. I ain't mad. But from now on? How about ya'll just mind yer own business?" She tipped her hat politely and sprang from her seat. "Now, if ya'll will excuse me, hearin' all those stories has got me good and randy. Think I'll head back and see if I can catch Mac before he takes a shower." She shivered pleasantly. "I love it when my big bro's all sweaty."
And, whistling cheerfully, she took her leave of her fellow Bearers of Harmony.
Twilight waited until they heard the grand doors click shut before face-planting onto the table. "She still doesn't get it."
"Ugh, I know." Rainbow Dash rubbed at her temples. "I mean, we were talking plainly, weren't we?"
"It's the down-home mind-set, darling." Rarity pouted when she realized the wine bottle was bone dry. "Can't see past the end of her nose sometimes."
"When you do it out in the open, it takes away the taboo nature of the thing." Fluttershy shook her head.
"Right?!" Pinkie threw her hooves in the air. "That's, like, eighty-seven percent of what makes it so hot!"
Twilight looked up and nodded sagely. "Putting it out in open like that? Then it just becomes regular fucking. Booo-ring."
The assembled mares nodded and made noises of agreement.
"So, since talking to her hasn't worked, what's the next step?" Twilight looked around for suggestions.
Fluttershy was the first to raise her hoof. "I might have an idea." She smiled gently. "As princess, what legal powers do you have?"
Twilight caught on at once. “More than you’d think.”
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PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE ISSUES NEW DECREE: "ALL OPEN PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION BETWEEN MEMBERS OF THE SAME FAMILY ARE HEREBY BANNED, PUNISHABLE BY SEVERE FINES."
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Big Mac eyed the headline. "Now what in the hay could've brought that on?" He was so focused on the story that he didn't notice his sister approaching until she'd already gotten a good hold on his harness and began pulling him out the door. "AJ? Where are we going?"
Applejack looked back at him, a savage and manic glint in her eyes. "If that's how they wanna play this, then that's fine by me. C'mon." She jangled the bag of bits tied to her saddlebag. "Let's go see just how high these fines can go."
