The (Mis)Adventures of Party Leader
“Closed? By whose authority?!”
Party Leader glared at the bored looking pony standing guard in front of the cave entrance. Behind him, Second Fiddle and Extra Padding exchanged amused glances.
“The Canterlot Caves of Gems are closed per the order of the Crown,” the guard said in a bored monotone. “If you would like to be granted access, please make an appeal at the court.”
“But you don’t understand. We’ve traveled all across Equestria to try and explore these caves. Surely you can let a few poor travelers through?”
“I have my orders, sir,” the guard repeated.
“Come now, Party Leader,” Second Fiddle called. “As I hear it, Princess Celestia is quite reasonable. I’m sure she’ll be willing to let us in.”
“Princess Celestia is not who you need to speak with, travelers,” the guard interrupted. “These caves were ordered closed by Princess Luna.”
Extra Padding made a little moaning noise.
“Oh no, not her!” Second Fiddle said. “I hear she’s right mad!”
“One Princess is as good as another,” Party Leader declared, raising his head in a majestic fashion to look at the city above. “Come, let us go. I shall speak with this Princess Luna, woo her with my charms, and we shall return here posthaste!”
The guard had a decided smirk on his face as the group of travelers made their way to the path leading up to Canterlot City itself.
“Woo the Princess of the Night,” he said, chuckling. “That's something I would give my left flank to see. The others back in the barracks will love hearing that one.”
A few hours later, the three adventurers were standing in a line outside the Royal Palace, waiting to speak with Focused Task, the pony responsible for assessing the validity of requests to meet with the Princess.
Party Leader was misty eyed, imagining himself striding into the throne room, all the attending mares wilting from the sheer masculine energy he knew he radiated. This Princess Luna – a dainty thing, he was sure – would be butter in his hooves, cooing at his smile and laughing at his jokes. It wouldn’t be five minutes before they would have her permission to enter the caves, and if luck was on his side, he’d be invited to return to the city to get to know her better.
Behind him, Second Fiddle and Extra Padding were quietly whispering to each other, casting the occasional glance at their self-styled leader.
“Name and purpose?” Focused Task had finally made his way down to their place in line. He stared at them over a thin pair of pince-nez, quill and parchment held in his magic.
“I am Party Leader, noted adventurer and explorer. These are my companions, Second Padding and Extra Fiddle. We are here to see Princess Luna!”
Focused Task blinked at them several times. “This line is for the Day Court, to meet with Princess Celestia. You will need to return this evening for the Night Court if you wish to speak with Princess Luna.”
“My good pony, we are adventurers! Here on an important quest! It is imperative that we be allowed to see the Princess Luna immediately!” He flashed a grin at a pair of passing mares, who exchanged a glance before giggling as they walked away more quickly.
“Yes, yes, important quest, as always,” Focused Task repeated, rolling his eyes. “Regardless, the Princess of the Night only sees visitors at night, as you may have guessed from the title. You can return this evening if you wish to see her.”
He walked onward, leaving the three adventurers standing there.
“So what’s your big plan now, Party?” Second Fiddle asked, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “Should we storm the palace?”
Party Leader snorted. “No. We shall go and find food and rest, and then, once I feel properly ready, we shall return here.”
He strode off. Sighing, the other two followed.
“This better be worth it,” Extra Padding muttered.
Later that evening the three adventurers returned to the Palace, finding that there was no line at all this time.
“Purpose?” the bat pony standing guard at the door asked.
“Party Leader and his two companions, Fiddle Padding and Extra Second, are here to see Princess Luna.”
“Great. Now that you’ve told me who you are, how about telling me why you’re here?”
Party Leader’s smile dimmed, ever so slightly. “We are here to ask the Princess for permission to enter the caves below Canterlot,” he said.
“Very well,” the guard replied. “You may enter.” As Party started to move forward, the guard barred his entrance with a spear. “A word to the wise, visitor. Princess Luna does not suffer fools easily. Keep your petition short and to the point.”
“But of course,” Party Leader replied, discarding the advice as soon as he heard it.
A steward pony led them through several silent corridors on a winding path until they reached the chambers where Princess Luna held the night court.
The inside of the chamber was dimly lit. While Party Leader was otherwise occupied with his own thoughts, Second Fiddle and Extra Padding noticed that there didn’t appear to be a ceiling. Instead, the night sky was visible, with a blanket of brilliant stars twinkling down on them; clearly a masterwork of magic.
At the far end of the hall, a tall mare sat on a throne of obsidian, her mane waving slowly in an unfelt breeze. Her icy eyes followed the three ponies as they approached.
“That’s close enough,” one of her guards snapped, when Party Leader drew too close to the throne.
Second Fiddle and Extra Padding each bowed, paying due deference to the Princess, whom they had heard more than a little about. Party Leader, however, merely smiled.
Princess Luna narrowed her eyes, but waved off the guard that was coming forward to smack Party Leader on the forelegs to induce a bow.
“Why have you come before me, mortal?” she asked, her tone cold.
“My dearest princess,” Party Leader began. “I am but a humble explorer, who has traveled far to behold the beauty of your great city…and your own beauty, of course.”
He smiled, bringing one hoof up to brush at his mane in what he believed to be a smooth manner.
The princess smiled back, though it didn’t reach her eyes. The three travelers mistook it for a kind smile, but the guards knew better. They did their best to subtly turn where they could better see the throne, without looking like they were doing so.
Of course, their movement didn’t escape Luna’s notice, but she didn’t begrudge them a little entertainment. They did work hard to serve her, after all. And this interaction promised to be mildly entertaining, at the very least.
“Why, such flattery,” she said, stepping down off her throne to approach, taking slow, steady steps, swaying her hips ever so slightly more than was necessary. Party Leader felt his temperature rising from the sight. She stopped in front of him, bringing one hoof up to caress his cheek. “And from such a handsome stallion, too.”
“Of…of course, Princess,” he replied. “I have heard stories of your looks, but such words did not do them justice.”
“Is that so?” she purred, before turning back to return to her throne. “But surely you did not come here just to praise me?”
“Your Highness,” Second Fiddle said, recalling what the first guard had warned, “we come before you to petition for entrance into the caves below Canterlot.”
“Ah,” she replied. “Seeking gemstones?”
Extra Padding began to reply with “Yes, Your-“ before he was cut off by a hoof on his muzzle.
“No,” Party Leader cut in. “No, of course not, Princess,” he lied. “We are mere explorers, seeing to learn more of the natural wonders of this land. Wonders such as yourself.”
“Then you know nothing of the gems in the caves below?” she asked, giving Party Leader one last chance.
“No. Padding Second here was just confused,” he replied, putting on a fake smile.
The Princess stared at the three of them for a long time, her eyes unblinking and unmoving.
“Very well,” she said. “Your companions may enter free of charge.”
Extra Padding and Second Fiddle gave another bow.
“Thank you, Your Highness,” Second added.
“As for you…Party Leader, was it?” When he nodded, she smiled again. “You shall remain here.”
A look of confusion appeared on his face, but was quickly replaced with his trademark cocksure grin. “But of course, Princess! Shall we go to dinner?”
“Oh no,” she replied. “I have special plans for you. Very special plans."
"Marriage?"
"A fortnight in the dungeon.”
“But…but?!” he began. Luna motioned for her guards to seize him.
“Lying to me is a capital offense,” she lied. “A few weeks in confinement should teach you to never do such a thing again.”
“But…Princess!?”
Second Fiddle and Extra Padding did their best not to grin, having grown tired of Party Leader weeks ago.
“I will grant you an early release on one condition,” she said.
“Anything!” Party Leader shouted, as he struggled to escape from the guards.
“Your charming companions can choose to bring your share of the gems to me, as payment for your release.”
The other two ponies exchanged a glance.
“Yes! They will!” Party Leader assured her.
“No, we won’t,” Second Fiddle replied. “Apologies, Your Highness, but we’ve got a low budget for this expedition, and can’t afford the...overhead.”
“Yes. Can’t afford it,” Extra Padding affirmed.
“I see,” Luna replied, a tight grin appearing on her face. “Well, I cannot fault you for honesty. You both may go.”
“You’ll be sorry for this!” Party Leader shouted, as the guards dragged him away.
“Somehow, I doubt that very much,” Luna muttered. “Send in the next petitioner.”
Author's Note
Just the first in a series of shorts I plan to publish with this character.
