Fallout Equestria: Lionheart

It had been a long day.

Fixing PipBucks, prostitution, exercise, getting jacked off by a sheep, getting jacked at the gym, fucking with a jackoff at the gun range, and that bullshit at the gym...

There had been unexpected profits, high highs, and low lows.

But finally, Sparky was ready to go home and take his two best friends with him (one of whomstdve was also his daughter) to his home.

It was so lonely this morning... It was always lonely when his little Luna was having a sleepover at the home of one of her wolf friends.

But now, it was time to forget all about today, and relax together until it was time for Luna's shift at her gamer bar to start. And then it was time for Sparky and Rocky to sleep.

He opened his door, Sparky's friends walked into his room, and his ShitBuck started to vibrate.

Sparky accepted the call from an unfamiliar number. “Who's this?”

“It's Grace,” Said a voice on the other end.

“Who?”

“Grace... ...The Sheep... …From work... ...You know, at Life Bytes? I almost got fired six months ago for shitting in the sink but I got away with it because something something women's mental health. Now I do that whenever I'm pissed because I can.”

“Oh, right, I remember you,” Sparky smiled. Well, he remembered his coworkers getting pissed off about that. He didn't give a shit, he used the disabled bathrooms. “How did you get this number?”

“Your bitch of a boss just gave it to me. Listen, I know you work two jobs, and that's real impressive and all, but your boss just called me and told me you're going to have to make that three and cover the night shift over there in some unpaid overtime unless you want to be fired.”

“You're having a fucking stroke if you think I'm working for free,” Sparky growled.

“It's not my choice! I'm just the messenger! She said Tatiana's got paid leave for the next few months thanks to her stupid pregnancy so she needs at least one animal there actually qualified for their job, and you're the only one working there who actually knows how to fix stuff besides Luna, and she already works the night shift at some gay-ass nerd bar, doesn't she? She still works there, right?”

“Yes. Aren't you qualified to cover her shift?” Sparky asked hopefully.

“No, I'm one of the assistant managers! I wasn't some worker promoted for doing this job or knowing how it's done, I was hired for getting into debt studying how to manage peasants like you for years like a true Noble at Noble Academy! That's how my boss knew my dedication to Nobility is truly real!”

Sparky rolled his eyes with a smile, and then feigned a sad expression. “Real enough to make you terrified of getting fired and left alone with your unaffordable debt, right?” He asked understandingly, soothingly, softly, gently, sexily.

“Absolutely!” The sheep vented, melting. “Oh, you can't imagine what it's like to be this oppressed! The stress from dealing with that debt is awful! Do you know how many managers are willing to hire someone completely unqualified to manage workers?”

He grimaced, and grinned. Grinnaced, if you will. “I'm sure the number would shock any sane animal. But remind me again, why do you have to pay for Tatiana's maternity leave? Isn't she just going to kill her offspring anyway so she can keep being a slut until she's too old to keep anyone's eyes on her ass long enough for it to get fucked?” Sparky asked.

“Don't call her a slut, you retarded Nothing! Watch your fucking tone when you're speaking to your superiors!”

“Sorry, sorry,” He smiled, not sorry at all.

”Anyway, like I said, our boss still legally has to pay her for her time off, while having others handle her work, and she's cheap, so this is going to be done through unpaid overtime until she can find some idiot kid willing to work for free.”

”This whole situation is fucking retarded... Why the hell should a problem Tatiana got herself into by being negligent about using her anus or mouth or tits or armpits or thighs or some free condoms or some free birth control pills or even free tube-tying operations or free contraceptive implants, only to rid herself of the consequences almost fucking immediately, become a problem you have to deal with for six to nine months if she's not going to have or raise any young during this time?”

”Hey, I don't make the rules. It's the law.”

”You don't make the laws, but you do vote for who does. Ever considered voting for someone who supports freedom, instead of just voting for whichever prey animal looks cutest?”

”I could never! I'd be betraying my people!”

”We're not even supposed to recognize that we ARE different types of people.”

“No, YOU'RE not supposed to recognize that we're different types of people. It's only racism when you put your people's needs before ours. It's fine when we do it! Now get here now or I'll be fired for failing to bring you here!”

“Does it feel like you're considering your people's needs when you vote for professional liars completely out of touch with the common worker?”

Sparky's retarded middle-management whore decided to hang up.

Sparky growled. “Fucker didn't even wait for my answer... Then again, I guess I don't really have a choice, unless I want to get fired.”

Sparky sighed. Holding on to his anger wouldn't do him any good unless he was going to use it some day.

He thought about that old hobo outside the store.

Would he end up like him one day?

Was that his fate?

He wanted to take control of his fate.

He decided to phone the bitch up again, and she accepted the call.

“Hey, it's me, Sparky!” Sparky smiled.

“Didn't I already give you your orders?” She asked snootily.

“Listen closely, I'm not working another second for free, so if you want me working another hour at that shithole past my usual contract, I'm getting paid. If the boss isn't giving me wages, that's fine, I can take yours.”

“WHAT?!”

“Do you want a man in that room who knows how to fix things, or do you want him to quit? Your boss said you get fired if I refuse to show up, right? I know what I'm worth, and I'm sick of little shits taking advantage of me. You're already paid more than double what I make each hour for doing fuck all every day, so you're going to pay me double my hourly wages for every hour I lose to unpaid overtime, got it? These are the only terms I'm willing to accept, unless you're offering even more money.”

“Fuck it, fine! Pushy bastard.”

She hung up on him.

He decided to tell his friends the bad news. “Good news and bad news, guys. I've been offered extra pay if I work overtime at Life Bytes. Bad news, I have to go and work overtime at Life Bytes.”

“Don't we have enough money to live comfortably for a while?” Rocky asked.

“Sure, but who knows when the next opportunity to get even more money will show up?” Sparky asked.

“Fine,” Rocky sighed.

Luna ran over to him and hugged him tightly. “I wish you didn't have to go.”

“I wish I could spend my whole life with you,” He whispered as he gently hugged back. “Every hour of agony I go through, I do it for you, my beloved little sister.”

And so, he made his way back to Life Bytes, where he sat down at the HELP desk. “Sup,” He greeted the sheep bitch present, one with green dye in her wool. She probably had a fucking name but who cares.

“Hi, Sparky,” She still seemed anxious just to be around him.

“I'm going to sleep for a while, if that's alright with you. Wake me up if a customer arrives.”

“Actually, I was thinking... barely anyone comes into this store anyway, and nobody comes here at night. Plus you're the one who does all the work and I'm just here to keep an eye on you but I don't want to do that. I don't like my boss either and I was invited to a party but I'm not being paid to be here at all, so... so I... was... maybe... sorta... hoping you could cover this shift alone while I go to a party.”

“I really should tell the boss just to fuck you over, it's what anyone else would do,” He sighed. “But I'm not that kind of guy. Go, have fun, take any radios with you. And next time I ask someone to turn off some dogshit radio blaring rabbitshit rap, can you agree with me that it needs to be turned off?”

“We'll see!” She winked, running out of the building.

And with that, Sparky was alone in this boring, miserable building.

And then she came back into the room. “Fuck our boss! Let's close this store down and go to my party together!”

“I shouldn't,” He thought about it, “But I will, if you promise to tell the boss we both spent all night in here. Just give me a second to grab some tupperware containers from the staff break room, and a PipBuck model I can borrow to store them in.”

When he returned with an old PipBuck 3000 on his arm, she laughed. “That's the PipBuck you're taking to my party? More like ShitFuck!”

“If it works, it doesn't have to be pretty,” Sparky smiled.

And so, the two arrived at a seemingly ordinary room in a Stable full of identical rooms. But when this door was opened, metal dubstep fucked the air and booming bass pounded the room. The two were swiftly pulled into the party, the green Sheep joined the other sheep doing the Conga Line, as Sparky made his way to a wall to sexily recline against it, surveying the location and searching for the food. Almost everyone here was a sheep, but fuck it, he felt like checking their food out anyway...

Only for it to turn out to be a meat-free party.

Still, he filled his PipBuck with fresh vegetables, filled tupperware containers with vegetable soup before storing them inside his PipBuck, he made sure to store an entire bowl full of nuts favoured by vegans who needed their meat nutrients from unusual sources, he swiped food like a man possessed. He ignored bottles of foul brightly-coloured carbonation and stored some healthy juice drinks on offer. Unicorn-Lions could still eat meat and veg, but he needed a balanced mixture of both, and-.

“If the PipBuck didn't tell me you're poor, this would,” Said a Golden Retriever in a black leather jacket.

“If you say so,” Sparky shrugged as he kept swiping food.

“Want to buy some grass, horn-guy?” Asked the dog. “The good kind?”

“No, sorry.”

“You sure? First hit's free.”

“I've got an addictive personality, I'd almost gotten hooked on gambling before and getting out of that was the hardest thing I've ever done.”

“That so?” The dog smiled. “I guess you wouldn't want Mentats, then.”

Sparky's ear twitched. “You meant Mint-Als?”

“No, Mentats. Zero-Drop Mentats. The new shit, the better shit. The harder, better, stronger shit that'll hit you faster and take you higher than ever, and wear off like nothing ever happened. Won't show up in blood tests, won't get you addicted, it's all thanks to the miracle of taking pony science to old-timey Zebra superstition to make healthier, safer products.”

He really shouldn't ask, but... “How much higher?”

“We fed some to an illiterate drooling retard and taught him chess, then sent him into some church to beat the Stable's reigning champion. You can guess who won, and called the cops to demand a blood test. The stuff wore off just in time for a blood test to come up clean as a whistle.”

“Wouldn't horrible side effects for those who quit keep customers coming back for more?” Sparky asked.

“Sure, but it's hard to consistently afford drugs when you're getting fucked over by drugs. I want a sustainable business model, see? So me and my guys make sure the best stuff won't ruin you. Sure some whore can sell her body and some bastard can steal some wallets, but that sort of shit draws attention. Not the kind a respectable legitimate businessman like me wants. You seem like a clean guy, no drugs, no sex, no rock and roll-”

Sparky laughed. “That's me.”

“But I know a lot of smart fellers who appreciate what a good drink can do for the nerves. And the brain. And the eyes. And the cock.”

“Alright, buddy,” Sparky started to turn around.

“Pre-workout supplements, post-workout supplements... Not all drugs are addictive. Some shit's clinically proven to do good things, only for the bitch in charge to ban it for threatening her monopolies. When this happens, those science nerds who studied for years need someone to sell their newly-illegal patents to. Studying all night? Working all day? Got a big gaming tournament coming up? Need something to help you relax, help you focus, even help you get angry if that's what it takes? I've got enough stimulants for an old-timey pre-war sweatshop, and I've got enough clean non-addictive drugs that do anything you can imagine. Don't check your pockets till you're alone, got it?”

The dog moved to leave, bumping into Sparky and, unnoticed by the Lion, slipping something into his PipBuck with the art of pickpocketing. “Bone apple tea,” He smiled. “The name's Smokey Crypt, find me on the Dark Web.”

Sparky returned to the food, with no idea what had been slipped into his possession. In any case he ate some food there while leaving one or two of each type of food offered, swiped the rest, and fucked off home before anyone complained.

Finally, he left the party, and recalled the Church...

The Church of Dawn's Light.

Sparky made his way to his home to deposit his supplies from the party, only to notice drugs from that drug-seller at the party... He should have flushed them, but instead, he stored those inside his bedroom where nopony was likely to see them. He also noticed Luna and Rocky alone, reading a book together.

“I thought you were going to your nerd bar,” Sparky commented.

“They called me and said they're closed for maintenance,” She told him.

“Well, I guess the three of us have nothing to do tonight... Except visit a plot thread I was given today.”

“A what?” Rocky asked.

“Some mare who looked like Twilight Sparkle tossed me this,” Sparky tossed him a card for the Church of Dawn's Hope.

“What is this, some cult?” Rocky asked.

“I've played a lot of video games where Churches like these ones are the bad guys,” Luna confessed.

“I've heard about these weirdo recluses... They say they stick to themselves on a floor way down south of here, but they don't have any of the problems you'd expect to see in a lower Stable Floor. Rumor has it they never let outsiders in, so they never have any problems caused by outsiders.”

“I was invited in, and told to bring any friends I had.” Sparky told them.

“This could go horribly horribly wrong.” Luna smiled. “I'm in.”

“Count me in too!” Rocky grinned. “We've been through so much shit together... No way I'm letting you walk into some crazy cult's madhouse alone!”

"What makes you think it's a cult?" Sparky asked.

Rocky rolled his eyes. "Because it's a religion, duh! It's gotta be a load of bullshit. But a whole floor supposedly free from the usual bullshit ruining this Stable? I've gotta see this!"

And so, the three made their preparations and left their home, making their way to the elevator operator, where they bribed their way into getting to ride a normally-unused Maintenance Elevator specifically reserved for use by anyone willing to bribe workers, even though it constantly had a “Closed for maintenance” sign in the way of the door, a sign only money could move.

It was the only way to get down into a floor normally never visited, not even by those in charge of the whole Vault.

The floor had initially been designed as a recreational garden for the Stable, before it was taken over and turned into a mad world ruled by sheep and similar farm animals. But farmers here on this floor rejected their authority and had a revolution of their own. They decided to take control of their own land and their destinies, taking what had once been a recreational garden floor the size of New York, turning it into a home. Now it boasted brick pathways and purified waterways, over which stone bridges bridged gaps between the different segments of the garden. Plenty of solar lights were overhead to stimulate plant growth. The ceiling was high enough to enable comfortable flight for the rare Pegasi and winged predators/prey animals down here, and the ceiling had been painted sky blue. However, this was also the floor a certain group had made into their home, casting out all outsiders and rejecting outside influence. Fortifications had been built, especially surrounding the elevator, and stone walls were a common sight there, designed to funnel attacking intruders through paths with tiny holes in the walls used by gun-toting defenders of their homeland who observed the trio carefully.

More than eight guns were pointed at Sparky. “Show your invitation or get out of here!”

“Hello! I was invited here by a mare who looked like Twilight Sparkle!” Sparky smiled nervously, getting out his Church Of Dawn's Light business card and showing it off.

They gasped when they saw it. “You're the Chosen One!”

“I am?” Sparky asked.

“He is?” Luna and Rocky asked.

“No,” One of the gun-toting ponies laughed, “We're just messing with you Stable Ponies. You're always so shocked to see a floor without any hobos! Go and see Twilight Sparkle at the Church of Dawn's Light, son. She told us you were coming.”

Sparky kept walking, feeling like he could be shot at any moment, until he started to leave the fortifications behind. Now he saw streets paved with smooth brick, delightful gardens, ponies and half-ponies walking or flying around like nothing had ever gone wrong with the world. Old-looking buildings had been constructed in pre-war styles, with real lawns in front of them, some used for farming and some for decoration, and nopony wore Stable Suits or PipBucks. He saw no homeless people, and no miserable depressed faces.

He saw a lively crowd of brightly coloured ponies walking along, each with a strange matching necklace around their necks, and when they saw him, they stopped talking.

Sparky smiled to them and kept on walking, and they waved to him like he was a friend.

It felt bizarre.

Rocky leaned over to Sparky with a grin, whispering. “How is everypony here so happy? Is this some kind of cult? Are they using drugs?”

Sparky grinned back. “Shut up, we'll find out eventually.”

Sparky tried not to feel like this was some kind of trap.

But it was the strangest place imaginable to somepony like him... A happy place without war or suffering. Nopony seemed miserable, starving, or murderous, or overworked.

He kept on walking, feeling like an outsider in a world gone mad as usual, sure that eventually, he would uncover some dark secret and his cynical worldview would go back to being right.

A lifetime of media had trained him to think, any second now, he would see insanity. He would see insane cultists attacking him, surely.

But instead, he kept on going until his ears picked up the sound of a crowd singing old and slow songs of love from inside a deeply echoing church built from white stone with beautiful stained glass windows depicting Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle and her friends, or both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

Sparky got his card out again.

The one with the gemstone, the gift from Twilight.

And finally...

He entered the Church, interrupting their song as they all stopped to turn and look at him.

But Sparky's eyes widened when he saw the preacher at the front of the church, conducting the song.

It was Twilight Sparkle, without any dye or paint present to recolour any parts of her.

It wasn't a mare who looked like Twilight Sparkle.

It wasn't a mare with the same mane colour or eye colour or tail and mane style as Twilight Sparkle.

It was THE Twilight Sparkle, and she smiled when she saw him. “Hello, Sparky. Welcome to New Equestria!”