SteedWarriors

NEO CANTERLOT-EQUUS HEGEMONY

Cinnamon Bon, crown prince and third in line for the throne of the Lyra Commonwealth, knelt down in front of Ephemera Wings, the crown princess and thirteenth in line for the throne of the Federated Hives, aboard the star yacht Illustrious Emeralds in orbit around Neo Canterlot and presented to the crown princess of the Federated Hives a velvet box containing an engagement necklace that contained as its centerpiece a large, multi-faceted diamond that sent small displays of refracted, glittering, rainbow-colored light that shone through its many facets.

Every creature of both royal families that were currently gathered held their breaths awaiting the princess' response(they already knew what the response was going to be, but they still enjoyed playing the part, after all the life of a great house noble of the Equestria Sphere was rather boring).

"Yes, Prince Cinnamon Bon, I accept your wedding proposal.", Ephemera Wings said with all of the grace and poise befitting of one who was thirteenth in line for the throne of the Federated Hives.

The changeling princess used her foreleg to push her webbed maned aside, the unicorn prince levitated the necklace to her neck and fastened it just atop her withers.

"As my wedding gift to you, my bride-to-be...", Cinnamon Bon said rising from the floor.

The two betrothed royals walked over to a holovid. A servant turned it on, displaying the Equestria Sphere.

"I shall conquer in your name these systems in the Free Moons League the worlds that keep our two nations separated.", the prince continued. "And together our two great nations will unite as one."

"Then we shall become the inheritors of the Harmony League of old.", Ephemera Wings replied. "As my wedding gift to you, my-groom-to-be, I shall give you fifteen full lances of BattleSteeds and thirty full divisions of infantry."

In (not so) secret, the two great houses had been building up their forces on the Free Moon League's borders. All across the 'Sphere every creature knew war was coming and it was going to be the largest one in over a century, possibly another succession war. If the creatures of the Equestria Sphere had known that two thousand light years "north" of them was an enemy who had been eyeing the 'Sphere with a conquerors envy, they would have been preparing themselves for an invader instead of playing the usual power politics with courtroom grandstanding, backroom deals, knives to the back and conflicts. So far only a select few within the 'Sphere knew and they were secretly sharing technology with the creatures of the Equestria Sphere.

***

Celestia, Luna, Cadance, Twilight, Flurry Heart and Chrysalis watched the events play out in real-time on their own personal holovid projectors being transmitted by secret cameras being broadcast across the MPG relay, piggybacked onto astro-cartographic signals, something nocreature would even bother to look for in extra signal bandwidth.

"Aw! So sweet to see young love!", Cadance crooned, which got her looks from the other four princesses and one former changeling queen. She gave them a look back. "What? A mare can dream, can't she?"

Twilight cleared her throat. "Anyways, is everything in motion?"

"Indubitably.", Luna replied. "Agents from the Free Moon League 'stole' the plans for 'Project Annihilator' and have been constructing the new assault tonnage BattleSteeds. They're even calling them Lunas."

"My visit to the Draconic Combine went well. Their spies 'stole' the schematics for a rail gun and LBX auto-cannon. I'm sure my 'accidentally unsecured' message containing the same schematics has been intercepted by the Minotaurian Concordant, Zebra Magistracy and New Yakyakistan", Twilight said.

"My sit down with the Rising Suns went well. I told them I understood their plight and that if it came to them forming their own breakaway state, I'd consider urging my fellow princesses to support their legitimacy.", Celestia said. "I also 'accidentally' left out a data slate that contained the schematics for a light tonnage BattleSteed. They've been assembling them in secret factories without the knowledge of the League and have called them the Philomena."

"I had a sit down with a group of separatists living along the border region between the Lyra Commonwealth and the Draconic Combine who do not want to be under the rule of either.", Flurry Heart said. "They've been building up a force of infantry, aerospace assets and BattleSteeds, mostly Iron Will medium-tonnage 'Steeds and Appleoosa heavy-tonnage 'Steeds, without either of the great houses' knowledge. They're probably going to kick off their separatist war while the rest of the Equestria Sphere is distracted with the dust-up involving the conflict involving the allied forces of the Lyra Commonwealth and the Federated Hives against the Free Moons League. I hereby put in a formal request that StarCom put their support behind this separatist movement currently headquartered in New Stalliongrad."

"Well you've seen my contribution.", Cadance said.

"Eh, I bet fifty S-bits that they divorce in five years.", Twilight replied cynically.

"You're on, sister.", Cadance retorted.

One by one the princesses disconnected, their holographic images winking out, leaving Chrysalis alone in her office with a laundry list of things to add to her already impressively long list of things to worry about. "Blech! A changeling princess shouldn't be marrying a pony prince, she should be manipulating and hypnotizing him into placing her into a position of power." Of course noling of the Federated Hives knew she was still alive, and even if they did, none would recognize her authority. Centuries ago Thorax had shattered her pheromone control over her subjects by showing them they no longer had to steal emotions.

Chrysalis stood up from behind her desk and walked over to the viewport, looking out at the ocean of stars that made up just a tiny portion of the Equestria Sphere. The memory of the heavily degraded, text-only message came to mind. If these vat-grown warriors were the successors of the HLDF, then there was going to be blood, worlds would burn and the scars of that conflict would forever change the dynamics of the 'Sphere itself. She walked back over to her desk and pressed a button on her intercom.

On the holovid came up the image of her current secretary, Paradise Springs, a kirin. Chrysalis' personal staff would change monthly, though she never actively fed on any of them, she was a changeling of the old blood and would passively feed on anycreature within two meters of her. So her personal staff needed to be changed monthly, sometimes sooner if she was feeling especially peckish.

"How can I help you, Miss Chrysalis?"

"Paradise, in a few moments I am going to be sending you orders for the StarGuard deep operatives. Send them out on the tertiary circuits and mark them urgent, eyes only."

"Yes, Miss Chrysalis. Oh! before I forget. The cafeteria is offering peanut butter and honeysuckle sandwiches, trumpet vine salads and hummingbird bush nectar smoothies. Creature Resources has also asked that you no longer actively feed on the custodial staff or prisoners in the holding cells."

"Did they say anything about the prisoners serving multi-life sentences in the cell blocs?"

"No ma'am. Nocreature cares about those war criminals, mass murders and serial rapists."

"Very well. I am feeling a bit peckish today. Alert the warden that I'm coming up. I'm in the mood for something spicy. Maybe a nice helping of sociopath with a side of foal fiddler, and a hummingbird bush smoothie for dessert."

"Yes ma'am. Very well ma'am.", Paradise said with a very visible gulp just before logging off.

Chrysalis cackled to herself as she pressed the button to alert the staff of her own personal high-speed tram.

***

Starbright Shimmer grumbled to herself as she drunkenly stumbled aboard the shuttle that would convey her back to the Xerxes. What was supposed to be a month-long furlough on New Las Pegasus had been rescinded after two weeks. She had intended on spending every available moment when not passed out by going on benders of booze, fat lines of cocaine and getting railed by every street-trotting gigolo she could afford. She was currently in the middle of receiving the services of a gigolo in an alleyway behind a skeevy dive bar, the kind of bar that had a layer of grimy sawdust spread on the floor to soak up the spilled booze, blood and other fluids that wound up spilled on the floor, when the recall notice came in. There was a big war brewing and the Star Gallopers had received a fat contract from the Lyra Commonwealth.

Fortunately(depending on who you ask), Starbright had managed to score enough bottles of booze and baggies of nose candy to kill half of her brain cells as she went to town on herself with Mister Happy, though a hunk of silicone with a vibrator built into it was never a real substitute for the real thing. The bottles and baggies were currently stuffed in her rucksack. Plus there was the inevitable three days of sitting in the quarantine booth for the inevitable pubic mites she most likely caught from one of the gigolos, or maybe from that group of JumpShip crewponies. For the next three days that she would spend in the quarantine booth, Wrecks would be scrubbing her down with anti-mite, delousing and defleaing treatments(though only diamond dogs could catch fleas, it was better to be safe than sorry). Then there was the chance that she most definitely caught the clop, but when the symptoms showed up, she would just need to go on a round of antibiotic pills or shots. And of course there would be provided to all female crewmates a pregnancy termination pill upon request, which she would most definitely request while in quarantine.

As Starbright drunkenly staggered off the shuttle and up to the Xerxes' boarding ramp, she was met with two members of security, one armed with a shotgun, the other with a sub-machine gun. She hoofed over her rucksack without a word. As the security team searched through her rucksack, she drunkenly slurred, "How-how-hhhhhhhow much S-bits would it take ya fellows ta not*urp*--oof! That was a spicy burp! Ta not-not-nnnnnnnot-uh--what was I sayin' 'gain? Oh, I 'member. Ta not confi-confi-confi--uh, take my baggies of cocaine?" It never worked, but she was too drunk to remember that it never worked, as the security crew took their jobs very seriously.

Starbright snored drunkenly as she lay half on the floor-half propped on the stainless steel toilet bowl in the quarantine booth. In the bowl a mixture of stomach bile, booze and partially digested food swirled in the blueish chemical liquid the DropShip's septic system used. Her coat, mane and tail was grayish-white from the rubbed-in powder that was designed to kill, in the words of Wrecks, 'Any buggies that might be camping out in your fur'.

The outer door to the quarantine booth opened with a *click-clack*, followed the *hiss* of the cold water vapor mixed with denominating chemicals in the short passageway between the inner and outer door, followed by the *click-clack* of the inner door. Wrecks stepped in, clothed from head to paws in a plastic suit that ensured no fleas that might have survived the powder could jump onto him and take up residence in his fur. "Come on, Star. Time to wake up."

Starbright lifted her head and blearily looked around. "Huh? What--Ooh! My head! What you need? And could somepony make those lights not buzz so loud?!"

When occupied, the lights of the quarantine booth were never switched off, that way at any time members of the medical staff could look in through any of the windows to ensure the current resident within was doing okay.

"Can't do anything about the sounds the lights make, but this might help." Wrecks extended a plastic-covered paw which held an unopened packet of painkillers.

"Wrecks, you're a*urp* Oh! Tha's not good!" Starbright leaned her face back over the toilet bowl. *blargh*

Wrecks tapped a hind paw on the floor as Starbright finished voiding her stomach. She then went over to the sink, swished some water around in her mouth and spat it into the sink.

"I swear you 'Steed jocks are in love with destruction, whether it is destroying others while piloting giant war machines or the garden variety self-destruction.", the diamond dog medic said.

"Fuck you, mutt!", Starbright snarled as she snatched the packet from Wrecks' paw with her magic, opened and shoved the two pills down her throat. "When a stray shot to your cockpit means you get hosed out and flushed down a drain, or you get fried to a crisp like cheap hay bacon because the ejectors fail when the reactor underneath your plot goes critical, then you'll spend every moment on furlough getting blitzed outta your skull and banging everything that moves."

"The gunslinger program does more than train SteedWarriors, they also offer PTSD counselling."

"Yeah well, I may take'em upon it when I retire." Starbright's demeanor changed as she looked off at nothing with a thousand yard stare. "If I get the chance to retire."

"Because 'Steed jocks are known for having high retirement rates.", Wrecks snarked. When Starbright shot him a death-filled glare, he held up his paws. "Sorry, I went too far with that remark. I know you SteedWarriors are a special breed. It takes a special kind of crazy for somecreature to want to drive a death machine powered by an artificially-created MagiTech star."

"Damn straight!", Starbright said as she stepped under the shower head and turned on the water. "Brr-rr-rr! Would it kill you to have some hot water for these showers?"

"Actually it might kill you. The chemicals in the anti-bug powder are pretty toxic and activated by body heat. The cold water helps stop the reaction. Adding more heat would increase the reactions and blister the skin and fur right off of you, and that'd put quite a bee in Star Burst's bonnet that the co-owner and best SteedWarrior in the company wound up unable to work because of serious chemical burns."

Once Starbright had finished rinsing off the powder, Wrecks said, "I'll pass you through the sterile drawer a tube of anti-mite gel shampoo. And once you finish sobering up, if you want it, I'll bring you a pregnancy terminating pill."

For three day, three long and boring days, Starbright sat in the quarantine booth. She thought about messing with Wrecks and scratch herself like she had a bad case of fleas, but the first time she had done that, Wrecks had hit her with another dose of the combination delousing-defleaing powder. She hated that powder, it itched and burned. Just thinking about it made her skin itch. What made it worse was that she had to go through this treatment after two weeks instead of a month on furlough. But being co-owner of the Star Gallopers, she knew Star Burst made the right call taking up that contract, especially when it offered that much in S-bits and salvage shares. And barring a freak supernova or a really bizarre JumpDrive failure, New Las Pegasus wasn't going anywhere.

After leaving quarantine and going through the usual,'If you experience any itching, burning or difficulty urinating, or you notice an unusual smell or any unusual discharge, come see me immediately' speech from Wrecks, Starbright left the medbay. The diamond dog medic was only doing his job as chief medical officer, but dammit if he wasn't annoying about it sometimes. She walked into the office she shared with Star Burst and began reviewing the contract. "Holy shit!", she shouted. "Three quarter of a billion S-bits and enough salvage shares enough to build our own Tirek from the ground up for a six month deployment?! Guess the rumors were true about the Commonwealth and the Feds teaming up."

Starbright left the office and walked onto the bridge. She walked onto the bridge where Star Burst was currently going over daily reports. "I knew the contract was a big one, I didn't know we'd walk away rich."

Star Burst looked over his withers. "Yeah. While you were off on furlough, Cinnamon Bon and Ephemera Wings announced their marriage. The Lyra Commonwealth and Federated Hives also declared war on the Free Moons League and publicly declared their two states joined in an alliance they're calling the Federated Commonwealth."

"Eh, not the most creative of names. If the Fed-Com, that's what I'm calling them from now on, are the ones offering the big bits, then I'll be all 'Yessir. I'll shoot that bale, I'll shoot that barge!'"

"You and me both, sister. You and me both."

"Does Cookie have anything available in the canteen? Three days in quarantine with only nasty-plot calorie bars to eat, I just wanna shove some real food down my throat before I drink myself blind and hoof-blast myself into a coma."

"Didn't need to hear that last part, but yeah, there should be some tacos. Since Spring had her encounter with that chaos wave anomaly, she won't even look at tacos without bursting into tears."

We'll return to your local MPG broadcast of [insert popular local program here] after these messages from New Las Pegasus.

New Las Pegasus! The only planet where drinking, drugs, prostitution and gambling isn't just the main attraction, it's our planetary pastime!

New Las Pegasus! Our roulette tables are guaranteed to be 30% less rigged or double your earnings lost!

New Lass Pegasus! All of our licensed prostitutes are guaranteed to have 50% less sexually-transmitted diseases or your first visit to the clinic is free!

New Las Pegasus! We now offer family friendly experiences! So feel free to drop off your kiddies at one of our [patent pending for further review] padded safety play spaces where they'll be entertained by insipid cartoons, like Bobo the Dancing Starcom Clown, My Little SteedWarrior and One Buck Pone, [Meals and bathrooms cost extra] while you get to go off and act a the good degenerate tourist, what with all of the gambling, prostitutes, alcohol and [mostly] legal drugs.

New Las Pegasus! The casino security details have been deputized and have the authority to enforce the law as they see fit. So don't try to cheat'em!

New Las Pegasus! If you get arrested while on-planet, you can purchase a framed copy of your mugshot to take home as a souvenir! Now available in portrait and wallet sizes! We definitely, probably won't sell your arrest information to the first, second, third or other interested groups with plenty of S-bits who are looking to blackmail you. So don't bother asking!

What happens on New Las Pegasus, stays on New Las Pegasus! Unless you catch the clop, PIV or develop a crippling addiction, then you're on your own.

This advertisement has been approved by the New Las Pegasus tourism board and StarCom MagePulse Network. StarCom! We know you have no choice in reliable interstellar communications and you made the right one! Thank you!

With a flash, the JumpShip Hyperion came out of FTL near the zenith of the star Hoplite and deployed its solar collecting sails so it could begin the month-long process of recharging its JumpDrive. The DropShip Xerxes detatched from the JumpShip and began its dive towards the star system. It's destination, Nuevo Pegasusopolis near the Free Moons League/Lyra Commonwealth border.

After three months of following official Lyra Commonwealth JumpShip routes, the crew of the Xerxes was ready to get in the fight. Through the black gulf of space the Xerxes towards the WarShip Lyra Bon's Prize, the trip would take a week.

Starbright and Star Burst sat at the head of the table in the DropShip's conference room.

"Alright ya mooks, pull the dick outta your ears and listen up!", Starbright barked. "When we dock with that WarShip, we're going to be jumping into an active war zone. Make sure that anything that isn't welded down to the bulkheads or the deck plates is properly stowed. In the event we take fire from a WarShip or an anti-DropShip battery the last thing we need is for an errant wrench or auto-cannon round to go bouncing around all willy-nilly. I'm not going to lie to ya, shit's gonna get hairy. Everycreature make sure your next-of-kin contact information is up-to-date. Last thing we need if one of you gets vaporized is for somecreature's spouse or grandma calling us up because we sent your paycheck and life insurance policy to somecreature else."

We're going to be running fire and decompression drills until we reach our next JumpPoint. Just be ready, they can come at any time.", Star Burst chimed in. "Wrecks, I'm going to need you to run injury drills. We're going to need everycreature to know how to treat a wound, whether it's how to properly kiss a boo-boo, or shove somepony's guts back into their bodies and stitch them up."

***

Wrecks walked into the 'Steedbay and hit a red button on the wall. Klaxons wailed, red lights strobed and pulsed. He turned off the alarms and shouted,"Alright ya mutts, stop what you're doing and lay on the deck! We just took an AC/20 round to the bay!"

After every creature had laid on the deck, the diamond dog medic walked to each of them and handed them a sealed envelope with a card inside. "In each of those envelopes is a card that contains a potential injury, ailment or even the possibility of death. I'm going to leave and in ten minutes crisis response teams will arrive. Take the next ten minutes to lie there, read what's on your card and do the best to act out it says on your card."

Starbright and Matchstick were laying next to each other on the gantry-way. They pulled the cards out of their envelopes and read them.

"I got shrapnel embedded in the lungs.", Matchstick said. "What'd you get?"

Starbright looked at her card. "Tubal pregnancy. Wanna trade?"

"Sure!"

***

The crisis response teams rushed into the 'Steedbay. Some were wearing grease-stained jumpsuits signifying they were engine room mechanics, some were wearing the stained aprons of cooks, several were wearing security barding. All were carrying first aid kits and trauma packs.

"Oh my chest!", Starbright said over-dramatically."Cough-cough! Kaff-kaff! I can't seem to stop coughing up blood!"

Cookie rushed over and looked at her card. "We got shrapnel wounds in the chest. Move! Move! Move!"

"Oh my stomach! It hurts!", Matchstick exclaimed.

Cookie looked at his card and the head cook's eyes went wide. "I...uh...it looks like this one's fucked." He showed the card to his nearby teammates and they started snickering. "But don't worry, I think you're going to be rich.", he said.

***

Star Burst skimmed over the reports from the injury drill in the 'Steedbay. "Let's see...hmm. Ten killed almost immediately. Ten more dead from blood loss. Three cases of pony pox. Two cases of feather flu. Seven cases of food poisoning. Aaaaaaand one case of... A STALLION WITH TUBAL PREGNANCY?!" He quickly scanned over the list again. There it was, a stallion with tubal pregnancy. He walked over to the intercom and punched in the code for the medbay.

"Medbay. Chief medic Wrecks speaking. Who is in need of medical aid?"

"Wrecks, is the report from the injury drill in the 'Steedbay correct?"

"As far as I can tell. Why? Is there some sort of inconsistency that I need to double check?"

"Just one. At the bottom of the list. It says there's a stallion with a tubal pregnancy."

There was the sound of shuffling that came over the intercom.

"Ah yes, here it is. One...stallion with...tubal pregnancy, named Matchstick."

"You know what that means?"

"That Matchstick is a very lucky and rich pony?"

"That and I think there's going to be a stallion at every injury drill with tubal pregnancy."

There was a sigh that came over the intercom.

"Should I pull that card just to be sure?"

"I don't think it'll do any good. Knowing this crew, there's at least one unicorn who knows a duplication spell and has been selling them for a few S-bits. I'll order security to keep an eye out for anypony buying extra stuff from the commissary, but I doubt they'll drop the point-one-zero S-bits on crewmates, especially if they get some extra marshmallow pies to shut up about it."

***

Star Burst walked up to the intercom in the office he shared with Starbright and punched in the code for a ship-wide broadcast.

"All hooves hear this. Due to the outbreak of non-females and egg-laying creatures having a tubal pregnancy card on them during injury training drills, Wrecks has removed the tubal pregnancy card from the deck until further notice. Any creature found with a tubal pregnancy card on their person during an injury drill will have the pleasure of personally depositing the card into the nearest incinerator chute and then spend the next three days in the brig. It was funny the first few times, but now it's lost its humor, especially when every griffon and stallion on C-deck wound up with tubal pregnancy. I can't make you give up your tubal pregnancy cards, but I can make you spend three days in the brig."

Star Burst closed the intercom and began walking to his desk.

Starbright started snickering.

"What is so funny?", Star Burst said.

"I*snrk* I can't tell you.*snrk* *snorpt*"

"And why not?"

Starbright held up a card that read 'priapism'. "Because I've got an erection that has lasted longer than four hours! Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!" She rolled on the floor, holding her sides as she took desperate gasps of air between guffaws.

Star Burst snarled, snatched up the card, ripped it to pieces and stormed back over to the intercom, punching up another ship-wide broadcast. "The same goes for any non-males who have priapism cards!"