When a princess drinks coffee
Written by KingSombraTheTyrantRuler
It was far from sunrise, and Princess Luna was for the first time in Celestia-knows-how-long, tired.
But she could not sleep now, even though every part of her body was willing to do so. She was the princess of the night, and it was her duty, and only hers to guard ponies dreams.
But she was tired. I wonder how the Lunar Guards manage to keep themselves fully awake at night. Perhaps I should ask them.
"Shadowlance?" asked Luna while coming out her room.
The batpony guard came as soon as called. "Yes princess?" he asked. "Is there anything troubling you?"
"I'm feeling rather tired, but I can't sleep now, because it's my duty to guard everypony's dreams," Luna started. "Is there anything that can help me stay awake? I mean, the Lunar Guards must be using something to be able to keep themselves fully awake at night..."
Shadowlance's reply was, "Yes, princess there is something that could help you. It's called coffee."
"What is coffee?" asked Luna.
Shadowlance started explaining, "Coffee is a drink made from roasted and crushed crystal berries. Would you like to try it, princess?"
"I guess a little try won't do any harm." said Luna. "Lead the way."
Shadowlance smiled as he took Luna to a coffee shop not far from the castle, which was run by Drinkie Soot.
Once in the shop, Luna sat at a table, waiting for Shadowlance to finish ordering the coffee. A few minutes passed, and Shadowlance came back with two cups of coffee.
He gave Luna's one to her, and then sat down, and started to drink his. Luna hadn't touched her cup yet; she was just staring at it. Shadowlance noticed this and asked, "Is anything wrong, princess?"
"No, it's nothing." replied Luna.
"Then why aren't you drinking your coffee?" Shadowlance asked, and quickly added, "Princess."
"It's just that...that..." began Luna. She sighed, "I'm afraid of what it would taste like. What if I don't like it?"
"I'm sure that you would like it princess; everypony loves coffee. Just give it a try." encouraged the batpony.
The alicorn looked at her coffee for a couple more minutes, and then deciding that there was nothing to lose, tasted it. The coffee went down her throat, and into her stomach. Luna sat still.
Concerned, Shadowlance asked, "Um...princess? Are you feeling alright?"
Suddenly, Luna used her Canterlot Voice, "I LOVE IT! I NEED MORE OF THIS COFFEE! I JUST MUST HAVE MORE!"
Shadowlance uncovered his ears and said, "If you wish, princess."
He then went to the counter to get more. He hadn't even put the cups down when Luna suddenly levitated them out of his hooves, and began drinking them all.
Her mane and tail shone with power, as she drank the coffee. Anypony who looked at her, would have to quickly look away if they wanted to see anything again.
Shadowlance had to shield his eyes with his wings. "Princess Luna?" he asked full of worry. "Are you sure that you are feeling alright?"
"YES, MY LOYAL SHADOWLANCE! I HAVE NEVER BEEN BETTER!" answered Luna in the Royal Canterlot Voice. "NOW I NEED MORE COFFEE! MORE COFFEE!"
Shadowlance rubbed his ears which were still ringing from Luna's use of the Canterlot Voice.
"But princess, it's not healthy to have more than five cups of coffee." he told her.
"IT...DOESN'T MATTER TO ME. I WANT MORE COFFEE!" was Luna's response.
Shadowlance sighed and bought more coffee, which Luna drank in ten seconds. I need to get the princess away from coffee before she drinks too much. So, he said, "Um...princess Luna? Isn't it time to lower the moon now? Sunrise is soon."
What he said wasn't a lie, the sunrise was soon. So Luna said, "YOU'RE RIGHT! LET'S GO BACK TO THE CASTLE."
After Luna lowered the moon, she told the batpony, "SHADOWLANCE? I NEED SOME MORE COFFEE. NOW."
Shadowlance couldn't help but have a feeling that it was going to be a long day for him. And right he was.
For the whole day, poor Shadowlance had to keep flying to the coffee shop and buying more coffee for Luna and himself.
So he decided to make life a whole lot easier for himself, and he replaced the royal swimming pool's water with coffee.
I'm not kidding. And as soon as he did that, like an ant to sugar, Princess Luna flew out, and got a relaxing chair.
She then said, "SHADOWLANCE!" The tired batpony jumped, and Luna continued, "I NEED MORE COFFEE!"
And now, here he was, filling Celestia knows how many mugs with coffee.
He regretted ever telling the princess of the night about coffee.
Princess Celestia was smiling, ready to do nothing but a dip in the swimming pool. But when she got there, she noticed something.
The pool, instead of being filled with water was filled with...coffee? A taste proved her right.
Why was the swimming pool full of coffee? There was only one way to find out. Asking the batpony who was busy filling mugs up.
"Shadowlance?" she asked. When no response came from the guard, she used the Royal Canterlot voice. "SHADOWLANCE!"
The batpony jumped five feet into the air, fell back down, bowed to Celestia, and stuttered, "Y-yes princess?"
"WHY IS THE ROYAL SWIMMING POOL FULL OF COFFEE?" she screamed. "HOW WILL I SWIM IN COFFEE? AND WHO DID THIS?"
"I-I did, y-your majesty." replied Shadowlance. "P-princess Luna wanted coffee, and I thought of making things e-easier by filling the R-royal swimming pool with c-coffee."
"EMPTY IT NOW!" Celestia said so loud that the birds flew away. "I WANT TO SWIM!"
Shadowlance started emptying it when Luna stopped him. "NOOO!" she screamed. "DON'T EMPTY IT! I NEED COFFEE!"
"EMPTY IT RIGHT NOW!" commanded Celestia.
"NO! DON'T EMPTY IT!" screamed Luna.
"EMPTY IT!" growled the princess of the sun.
"DON'T EMPTY IT!" roared the princess of the night.
"EMPTY IT RIGHT NOW!" Celestia screamed.
"NO! DON'T EMPTY IT!" shouted Luna.
"EMPTY IT!" commanded Celestia.
"DON'T EMPTY IT!" ordered Luna.
"EMPTY IT RIGHT NOW!" Luna screamed.
"NO! DON'T EMPTY IT!" Celestia yelled.
"LISTEN SHADOWLANCE," Luna shouted. "IF YOU EMPTY THIS POOL OF COFFEE, I WILL GIVE YOU MORE MONEY."
"SHADOWLANCE," Celestia began. "IF YOU EMPTY THIS POOL OF COFFEE, I WILL MAKE SURE THAT YOU GET NO MONEY."
"HE'S MY GUARD!"
"I STILL CAN TAKE HIS WAGES AWAY."
"NO YOU CAN'T!"
"I CAN!"
"CAN'T!"
And they carried on screaming. Shadowlance covered his ears and flew away. He had learnt his lesson, or lessons, which were:
Don't give Princess Luna coffee, no matter what.
Don't fill the Royal Swimming Pool with coffee.
Cover your ears whenever near any one of the Royal Sisters.
Try not to get the princesses angry.
Author's Note
This popped up into my mind! Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to leave a like or vote, and a nice comment!
Edited on 10/03/2022
