That's Not Big Mac

by n3k1dsk1llz

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Derpy Hooves
Length: 1031

Derpy returns to McDonald's for lunch. It goes better than expected.

Derpy's McVentures continue. She is quite happy with her decision to return once she meets the white stallion with the orange mane.

Amazing cover art once again by Little Tigress.

Published 2021-12-05 17:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-05 17:40:00 UTC

Derpy Meets Crispy Fry

Derpy walked into the restaurant on her lunch break, marveling at how the smell of burning grease from the morning had somehow grown so much worse. She looked at the Discount Card in her hoof, then back up at the menu. The restaurant was even busier and louder than it had been in the morning. Not wanting to make a similar mistake, she closed one eye so that she could really focus on the menu up on the wall. Looking from item to item, her frown deepened. She didn’t know what anything on the menu was. Then she saw it and a smile spread across her face. She knew it wasn’t what she was thinking about, she wasn’t a dumb pony, but the thought of a friend made up her mind for her.

She trotted over to the line and waited her turn, letting her eyes wander and take in the bustling scene around her. Some parents that she remembered from breakfast were still there with their foals. A few business ponies, probably in town on business, were tucked away into their food and just as much as they were their papers. She even saw a couple of fillies and colts laughing together over their food. They must have gotten out of school early. Either that or Cheerilee was gonna give them one heck of a scolding tomorrow. A tap on her flank brought her back and she noticed that she was next in line. She apologized to the mare behind her and approached the counter.

“Hi! Welcome to McDonald’s. What can I get for you today?” The white-coated stallion behind the counter was so much more cheerful than the mare she dealt with in the morning.

She smiled. “I’ll have a Big Mac and a drink.” She slid the card across the counter for the stallion to see. He looked at it and smiled.

“Hey, aren’t you the mail mare? I’ve seen you doing your rounds. You’re always so happy while you’re out delivering. It’s refreshing.”

His smile made Derpy’s cheeks warm up. “Heh, yeah. That’s me. Always bumping into things while I fly around delivering mail.”

He slid the card back to her. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Her blush deepened as he grabbed her a cup from under the counter. “Drinks are right behind you on the left. Your order should be right out.” He handed her the cup and her receipt.

She thanked him and turned away to calm herself down. After a few breaths, she looked at her receipt with her good eye to see her number. She then made her way to the drink station and looked at her choices: Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, and Orange Hi-C. Derpy had never heard of any of these drinks before. She took a step back and watched for a minute, as a handful of ponies came to fill their cups with Coke. She heard her number called and went to get her tray, still mulling over what to get to drink.

She placed her empty cup on her tray and picked it up in her mouth. The stallion that had taken her order was free and noticed her empty cup. He trotted over. “Hey there. Need some help?” Her enthusiastic nod nearly made her cup and sandwich fall to the floor. “Woah!” His hoof came up and steadied the tray. The heat in Derpy’s cheeks returned as she smelled his coat. It smelled good. He took the tray from her and guided her to a seat. Setting it down, he looked at her and smiled again. “You want me to get you your drink?”

Her grin spread across her face before she even realized. “Sure!”

He chuckled at her enthusiasm. “What did you want?”

The question drained all her enthusiasm as she remembered that she didn’t know anything about the drinks at this place. Noticing her frown, the stallion’s smile got just a bit bigger. “Would you like me to choose for you?” Her smile returned and she nodded. He nodded and made his way to the drink machine. Derpy watched him, this time the heat rising in her cheeks went all the way up to the tips of her ears. He was handsome and really nice. She looked down at her wrapped sandwich and began unwrapping it. It would be really fun to have dinner with such a nice stallion instead of eating alone again. The stallion returned and placed her cup next to her on the table. She smiled up at him again and thanked him.

“Is there anything else I can get for you?”

“Do you wanna go to dinner with me after work?” Derpy clapped her hooves over her mouth, her face burning all the way up to the tips of her ears. She turned to her food and started wrapping it up so she could leave, all the while murmuring, “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry…” A hoof on her shoulder stopped her. She looked back up to the stallion and his smile was even nicer than all the other times.

“I would like that. I get off at 4pm.”

Excitement bubbled in Derpy’s chest. “Hey! That’s when I get off!”

The stallion chuckled. “I guess it was meant to be. You finish your lunch. I gotta get back to work. I’ll see you later.” He gave her a wink and trotted off.

Her eyes followed his flanks again and she enjoyed the heat in her ears for a moment. She was excited that she was having dinner with somepony tonight. And not just somepony, but a really cute stallion. She was going to have to leave work early a bit so that she could get ready. As her friend Rarity said, “A pony in courting should always look her best.” A bath would be in order, as well as a touch of make up. Maybe Rarity would let her borrow a dress. Derpy smiled as she unwrapped her sandwich. She picked it up and took a bite.

She didn’t like it.

Author's Note

I'm so glad you read this.
Thank you.