Making magic in the moonlight

Chapters

Bran-new love song
The paperwork
The big apple and the bigger bookworms
Funny drinks and unique experiences
Pina coladas and dancing in the rain
B side; track 1
The cover up
B side; track 2

Bran-new love song

Cheerilee's bloodshot eyes shot open beneath a tangled mess of pillows and bedsheets as the metallic ring of an alarm clock echoed from somewhere on top of the worn-down nightstand beside her bed. Without a second thought, a hindleg kicked out from under the bedsheets, muscle memory guiding it into the kryptonite of every night owl to ever exist. This sent the ringing menace scraping across its wooden perch and into the Phantom Zone, affectionately known by its owner as I'll fold these clothes when I'm not busy. The fuschia mare stared at the old, fading band posters lining the pastel blue wall behind the headboard of her bed contemplating whether or not it was worth it to get out of bed today. Cheerilee's eyes fell upon a poster with a group of familiar mares posing in over-the-top clothing. A mare near the edge of the group bore a striking resemblance to the school teacher who was now lazily reminiscing as she slowly woke up on the wrong side of the bed for the umpteenth time this month. The Black Hearts… I miss those days. At least back then I didn't have to get up before noon.

After a moment of consideration she decided that the meager number of sick days that she had left was worth too much to spend on a whim. Sluggishly, Cheerilee rose from her bed and made her way to the bathroom down the hall, passing by piles of clothes, ungraded homework, and the occasional dirty plate. About half-way through the room the pony tripped and disappeared into the aforementioned Phantom Zone. "Ouch! Stupid bucking pile of clothes. What did I even trip on, anyhow?" Clutching her left forehoof in pain, Cheerilee looked down for the source of her pain before her eyes widened in recognition. It was a red velvet case that was sticking halfway out of a pile of old band t-shirts. "Well, that brings a new meaning to the phrase, 'nostalgia hits hard.'" Giggling at her own joke, she got back onto her hooves. Cheerilee's head reached down and picked up the guitar case with her teeth by its plastic handle and carried it to her messy desk where she laid the case upon a stack of various papers. Cheerilee made her way out of her bedroom and closed the door behind her, taking a moment to be thankful that the doorway trapped the mess inside of the bedroom and kept it out of the rest of her small house.

Cheerilee made her way to the closest of two other doors that connected to the upstairs hallway, noting that the staircase took up half of the walkway; which prevented the closet door from opening more than half-way and left barely enough room to reach inside and grab a towel.

Truly a well-envisioned location for the doorway. Cheerilee snorted and closed the hall closet with her hind leg. With the towel held firmly in her teeth, she trotted over to the final doorway that stood just a few feet away from the landing of the staircase. Inside was a cramped bathroom with a sink cabinet that was completely covered with various hygiene products, a modest toilet cleaned to perfection, and a stand-up shower with an opaque sliding glass door.

Cheerilee closed the toilet lid and placed the towel upon it. With a sigh she began her morning routine. "One of these days I need to install a towel rack in here."

"Alright class, it's almost time to go home for the day, but before I let anypony leave I want to remind you all not to forget that there's no school tomorrow." Cheerilee beamed as an echoing celebration rose from the disorderly class who was in the process of packing up their belongings. She let a small grin slip onto her muzzle as she waited for the foals to settle down before continuing, "However, just because it's a three day weekend that doesn't mean that you should forget about the book report that's due on Monday." As soon as the words left her mouth, the familiar sound of the schoolhouse bell rang out, causing a wave of schoolfoals to wash out into the formerly peaceful streets of Ponyville. Cheerilee smiled as she watched her classroom empty. Then she began checking over the classroom and tidying it up one last time before she could home for the day.

And they wonder why I stopped giving out pencils halfway through the school year. Cheerilee was in the middle of picking up the last of a number of pencils that she had found discarded underneath a desk near the back of the room when she heard a knocking on the door followed by the sound of it swinging open. In trotted a deep blue unicorn with a wide smile on her muzzle.

Quickly looking up from behind the desktop to see who had walked in, Cheerilee smiled and dropped the pencil on top of it. "Colgate! How's business at the clinic?"

"Oh, y'know how it is. I'm as busy as always," Colgate replied as a small smile spread across her muzzle, "no small thanks to a certain pink party pony and the cavities that spawn from all the sugary things that she serves at her parties."

Cheerilee giggled slightly at the latter half of her best friend's sentence. "Honestly, I'm not sure, but it seems to me that that mare hosts at least a dozen parties a week."

"By the way, how's your class doing? Just last week I had a trio of rambunctious fillies come in asking to help and hoping to get their cutie marks in the process. Luckily, it was a slow day, and no patients were in the clinic." Colgate jokingly shivered as she remembered the outcome of the crusaders attempts at helping out.

"Oh, you must have met the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Trust me when I tell you that not a day goes by without them getting into trouble." Cheerilee let out a small laugh.

She held her tongue at the other thought on her mind. I swear those three will be the death of me someday.

"Case in point: one of the girls, Apple Bloom, was sleeping in class today. The poor filly got the wild idea to earn her cutie mark by being a night owl and thought today was Friday." She shook her head. "Made her sister drag her all the way here."

"Ha-ha! I don't doubt that one bit. The only way I was able to convince those three to leave was to hand out toothbrushes and talk them into trying to get a cutie mark for brushing their teeth," Colgate jokingly replied before changing topics. "Hey, that reminds me. Are you already packed for tomorrow's trip?"

Wait, we had something planned for tomorrow? Cheerilee tensed up slightly, caught off guard by the reminder of something important that she couldn't recall.

"C'mon, don't tell me you forgot about it." Colgate decided to elaborate, "Y'know, Lyra's and Bon Bon's anniversary? We planned to visit them in Canterlot for the weekend."

"O-oh. Yeah, I totally remember. I was just making sure you remembered. By the way, what time are we taking the train tomorrow?" An embarrassed blush and a feeling of recognition flooded Cheerilee's mind at the reminder she had been given. That was this weekend? I could've sworn it was next month.

"Ha-ha, seriously? You completely spaced it, didn't you?" Colgate let out a couple more bouts of laughter before continuing, "We're supposed to take the overnight train. I can't believe you forgot that part, too. I mean c'mon Cheerilee, we're not that old yet; we're barely in our thirties."

Cheerilee's eyes rolled at her friend's jab. "Oh, you're laughing at my forgetfulness, are you? Forgive me if I remember incorrectly, but weren't you always the one who was late for everything when we all hung out back in highschool."

"It's called being fashionably late. It's supposed to build suspension or something."

"I'm pretty sure an hour is considered a little too late to be fashionable." Cheerilee checked the clock on the far end of the room as she held back another jab that had entered her mind. It was already half past four o'clock.

Cheerilee began heading towards the door and motioned for Colgate to follow suit. "Speaking of which, I hate to cut this visit short, Colgate, but I have to go, seeing as it's already past four and I still need to shower as well as pack my suitcase for this weekend." A small smirk slid across Cheerilee's face as she continued, "We don't wanna be fashionably late and miss the train, now do we?"

Colgate rolled her eyes as she began to follow the mare out into the hallway. "I headed straight here after my shift was over. I still need to go home and grab my stuff anyways. Meet you at the train station at eight?"

"Sure thing. I guess I'll see you later tonight then."

The setting sun painted the sky above the town in a pinkish-orange light as both mares waved goodbye to each other and began trotting back to their respective houses.

Cheerilee neared her small but quaint thatched house that sat on a hill near the edge of Ponyville. Although it was smaller than many other houses in town, her home made up for it with its gorgeous view overlooking the town square and a slightly larger lawn, which Cheerilee prided herself on keeping up. A small array of flowers grew in the garden bed as well, and a small apple tree stood near the middle of the left side of her lawn which had a stone pathway running through it. A small white picket fence, complete with a fuschia mailbox, tied the whole lawn together.

As she reached her front door, the school teacher lazily checked her saddlebags before pulling out a key ring with her mouth and inserting one of the keys into the deadbolt lock. With a quick turn the door opened.

Cheerilee's hooves noisily trotted across the wooden flooring on her way into her small living room that was furnished with dark oak bookshelves along pastel blue walls, a matching oak coffee table, and a cream colored couch in the middle of the room. She sat down upon the couch and undid the straps of her saddlebags before looking at the small electronic clock she kept on one of the bookshelves. Five-thirteen--only a couple of hours to get ready. I have to leave here by seven-twenty if I want to catch the train on time.

As Cheerilee pondered whether to shower or to pack her belongings first her stomach growled. "Well, I guess that settles it then." Cheerilee sighed as she rose and made her way towards the kitchen, deciding that finding something to eat would be the first thing on her mental to-do list.

Cheerilee's kitchen was on the smaller side. It had all the basic appliances--outdated as they may be--and enough counter space to house said appliances, but it lacked the room for a proper dining table despite the fact that the kitchen didn't have an island in the middle of the floor.

The physically tired mare made her way towards her refrigerator, an older model that you'd see on late night reruns of old sitcoms. Hers even had a couple of tacky magnets and old pictures to match. "Let's see what I'm working with here." Cheerilee opened her refridgerator and scanned its contents.

Eggs, tomatoes, milk, lettuce, a half eaten hayburger from the local diner, and more eggs. Cheerilee stopped to sniff at the hayburger to see if it was still edible; it didn't smell that bad. Shrugging, she pulled it out with her mouth and closed the door with her flank before making her way to the microwave on the counter directly opposite of her refrigerator. As she had her mouth full, Cheerilee rose onto her hindlegs and rested her right hoof upon the counter before pawing open the microwave door. They really need to make these things simpler to open for non-unicorns. Cheerilee slid the take-out box inside and closed the door as she fumbled with the number pad with her hoof.

After a minute-and-a-half of waiting the appliance beeped, signaling the completion of its task. Seconds later, Cheerilee trotted back to her living room and set the meal upon her coffee table. After settling onto the couch she began eating only to sigh and pause after the first bite. The insides are still cold. I just got comfortable too. Not wanting to get back up again, Cheerilee decided to just power through the unpleasant feeling of soggy hay and the cold grease that coated it.

Despite finishing in about half the time that she usually took, Cheerilee was still a slow eater. As she set the now-empty take-out box back onto the coffee table, Cheerilee glanced at the clock once again. Six-o-four. I need to hurry up and finish packing.

It has to be around here somewhere, I just bought the damn thing last year. Cheerilee found herself in the midst of the chaotic mess that she called a bedroom, cursing herself as she dug around looking for her old suitcase. After a few more minutes of searching she let out a sigh. She glanced across the room at what was once the Phantom Zone, the bane of alarm clocks everywhere, but now lay scattered across the ground.

"Great, now I've made a mess and I still can't find my suitcase." Cheerilee sighed in frustration as she looked towards her now freed alarm clock that sat upon her old work desk. Seven-ten. I'm going to miss the train.

As she finished that thought, her eyes caught the sight of the old case that had been the cause of a stubbed hoof this morning. Cheerilee thought out loud as she made her way towards the desk, "I wonder if the enchantment is still in place." Cheerilee unlatched the sides of the case before opening it to reveal an empty void. "At least that part of the enchantment still enchantment still works."

Cheerilee stuck her whole foreleg inside the case before pulling out an old yet pristine yellow bass guitar that was decorated with faded stickers that matched her cutie mark on the end of its body. "How long has it been since I've touched this?" Smiling as she admired her old passion, Cheerilee slid it back into the void, not wanting to take it out and leave it outside of the case for the whole weekend. There's enough room in here for my whole wardrobe. There's no use in wasting time unpacking this thing first.

Cheerilee shrugged her shoulders. Seeing as there was no other option for a suitcase, she decided to quickly shove the traveling essentials and a couple of slightly wrinkled dresses into the case.

Before stepping out of the door frame and into the cool night sky, Cheerilee checked the contents of her saddlebags and her makeshift suitcase one last time. She stepped onto the porch before turning and locking the front door. As she made her way to the train station on the opposite side of Ponyville, Cheerilee couldn't help but feel a little anxious about the weekend that lay ahead of her.

Upon arriving at the station, Cheerilee was met by the sight of a small mountain of baggage that stood next to an impatient Colgate. "There you are. I almost died of boredom just waiting here with nopony to talk to."

"I see you've traded one bad habit for another. You do know that we're only going to be gone for the weekend, right?" Cheerilee laughed slightly at the towering pile that sat beside her old friend. "We should have a couple of minutes before the train arrives. Mind if I add this to your collection while I go buy my ticket?"

"And here I thought I was the one who's supposed to be late. You better hurry up before the train comes." Colgate rolled her eyes as her light blue magical aura enveloped the suitcase beside Cheerilee. As it floated closer she noticed the unique shape of the case.

Colgate called out to her friend as Cheerilee trotted back to the platform with a ticket held in her mouth. "Hey Cheerilee, I didn't know you still had this old piece of junk. Princess, this brings back memories."

Cheerilee took a moment to place her train ticket in her saddlebags before replying, "Ha-ha, tell me about it. I couldn't find my regular suitcase, so I had to use this old thing."

"I remember us annoying the living heck outta your parents when we practiced at your place after school." Colgate smiled as the memories filled her mind.

"Yeah, it's too bad that we never really did anything besides play in those run-down dive bars back then." Cheerilee's muzzle faltered slightly as a sad nostalgic smile found its way onto her face.

"I think it was for the best that the band split up, y'know?" Turning to see Cheerilee's trepidation, Colgate decided to add a slightly humorous comment. "Besides, all those gigs we did helped pay our college tuition fees."

Cheerilee giggled slightly. "I guess you're right. I mean I'm barely getting by with a teachers salary as it is. I couldn't even imagine having student loans."

A distant whistle cut into the peaceful quiet of the depot as the two mares continued to reminisce of simpler days. Shortly after, the train came to a stop at the Ponyville train station, the last stop on the way to its ultimate destination, Canterlot. Cheerilee began boarding the mostly empty train as Colgate followed her on board, levitating their luggage.

Next stop: Canterlot Station.

Author's Note

Hmm, where to begin? Ah! I know! Did you guys know that this started out as a Luna x Pinkie pie one shot based on 'the hangover' (2009)? However, halfway through writing it I was introduced to the world of cheerilee x twilight and thus this monstrosity now exists. I plan of finishing with the goal of 60k-100k minimum words.

As for future chapters, the next one, was supposed to be the other half of this one. I couldn't decide on if I should stick with 2-3k ones or longer 6k-ish ones. Let me know what you think.

As for future release dates, I'm giving myself a soft bi-weekly schedule but if I finish early then I will release the next chapter early.

Also, any feedback and suggestions, even for already published chapters are appreciated. This includes things from grammar and punctuation to my choice of vocabulary. I.e. you think I should've used a word like 'exclaimed' instead of 'said.' my English isn't the first language i speak so I cannot catch all the mistakes.

Lastly as for how canon will shake out, well I'm probably not going to have Twilight become an alicorn and I'll try not to adapt episodes into chapters for the sake of simplicity and saving myself the effort of trying to rewrite episodes to include cheerilee in them. They'll still exist and will still be mentioned but I won't focus on them unless need be. (Should this be considered alt. Universe? Lemme know if I should add that tag.)

P.S. I don't remember where, but I remember reading a cheerilee story that had to do with her being in a glam rock band awhile back. So I decided that I'd incorporate that into the story, it won't be a major plot point but it's something that'll help me write cheerilee as a character. I used to be in a garage band and in my high schools ensemble, despite not being all that good lol.

IMPORTANT UPDATE
this chapter has been updated and edited by my friend xz29b. Currently only chapter 2 hasn't been edited, but that'll change soon. As for chapters 3 and onward, they'll be edited before uploading as to avoid re-uploads of current chapters in the future.

The paperwork

The setting sun filtered into one of the many office/study rooms that were within Canterlots Castle. Inside sat a group of ponies just one short of a dozen in number: Princess Cadence, Shining Armor, Twilight, her friends, and a handful of guards who were keeping a watchful eye over them. Each of the non-guard ponies present had recently been involved with the changeling invasion just two weeks prior. Currently, however, the group was confronted with a week-long invasion of paperwork and magical tests to ensure that they themselves weren't changelings in disguise.

"...and after filling out these sheets right here," a guard pony indicated the stacks of papers that stood taller than he was on top of each table in the room, "you'll be finished with the last of the paperwork. Anypony have any questions?" He gave the room a once-over from his desk at the front of the room before he and the couple of guards that accompanied him made their way to the door, satisfied that nopony had raised their hooves.

Soon thereafter, the sound of writing filled the room once more. In days prior there had been idle conversations that filled the room as the paperwork was steadily labored over, however in recent days the small talk had waned. As time wore on, the socializing had devolved into casual topics that one would talk about with acquaintances, and from there it fell into ponies taking turns half-heartedly answering the increasingly weird and mind-numbing questions that Pinkie would ask whenever the mood in the room became too heavy for her to bear.

Twilight was seated at the back of the room. In the desk closest to the windows along the wall that looked out upon one of the many royal gardens, her mind went into autopilot as she filled in the paperwork that sat upon her desk.

"....."

"...do you think?"

Suddenly the room was a blur of bright pink as if a flash bang had been dipped in dye, causing Twilight to jump back in shock as she was pulled back into reality. "Hey! Didja hear me?" the concerned voice of her pink friend called to her.

"Wuh-what happened?" was all Twilight could muster as she reeled back in shock from the pink party pony who currently stood on top of her desk, knocking over the paperwork in the process. A chorus of slight giggles erupted at Twilight's reaction.

"C'mon, silly-filly, I thought you were a smarty pants." Pinkie began to lower herself off of the table before continuing, "There I was in the middle of drawing my favorite flavor of cake on the back of one the fancy papers they gave us when I remembered the time in middle school when they served the ickiest most worstest cake ever. Then I remembered I had a Big Mac last month-"

How does a bad cake relate to Princess Luna? Wait, what's this about Applejack's brother? Twilight half listened to Pinkie Pie's rambling as she tried to make sense of Pinkie Pie's, Pinkie-ness.

"... and then a pony in a blue box appeared. And that is how I met your mother."

"Wait. What?" Twilight was beyond confused as Pinkie abruptly stopped her rambling and wore a wise look on her face as if she had just explained the secrets of the universe to her.

"Oh, darling, you know how Pinkie here gets sometimes. You see, Rainbow made a comment about the 'vibe,' as she put it, being the same as that of a high school classroom." Rarity flipped a completed paper over as she began filling out the back of it. "Anyway, one thing led to another, and Pinkie here practically demanded to know what a 'high school sweetheart' was. Then she began inquiring about everypony's high school affairs."

"Nuh-uh. I was just making sure you guys knew what it meant."

"I don't see how beggin' to know who somepony was sweet on when she was young and how she got on with 'em is makin' sure, Pinkie." Applejack huffed as she glanced over a paper that she pulled from the top of her pile. "Oh, consarn it, does anypony know what in the hay my great-granny's cousin's maiden name has to do with any'a this legal mumbo-jumbo we're filling out?"

Rainbow Dash was in the middle of making yet another paper airplane, The Sonic Rainboom Mark 3.4 (its predecessors had proven to be catastrophically aerodynamically unsound), when she chimed in, "Hah! AJ's just embarrassed that she didn't have anypony to smooch on back in high school, unlike some of us." As soon as she finished folding its tailfin she tossed it towards the mare in question. It performed an admirable immelman turn along its intercept course.

"I'll have you know I had plenty'a stallions who had their eyes on me. I just never had the time fer'em what with me workin' the family farm an' all. Why, I bet you couldn't even recall a name of one'a them stallions that you claim you were smoochin'-AACK!" The Sonic Rainboom M3.4 flew in hot and engaged Applejack's face, avenging its manufacturer against the heinous accusation and drawing a retaliatory salvo from Applejack's forehoof.

"Ha! I totally can. There was... uh, what's his name, y-y'know with the face, and then umm… that other one with that one mane style." A shade of red rivaling the one in her mane rushed onto her face as Rainbow Dash looked around in embarrassment, "Back me up here, Fluttershy. You remember, right?"

A squeak came from behind a stack of papers near the front of the room as Fluttershy tried to hide behind them. "I-I dunno Rainbow Dash. I don't think lying is a good thing."

"Ah-ha! I knew ya didn't have nopony tryin'ta get with your mangy hide."

Sensing the tension rising between her friends, Rarity stepped in, "Now girls, we shouldn't raise a fuss over something as trivial as school romances, or the lack thereof."

Rainbow Dash shot up from her desk. "Hey! I resent that. Besides, what about everypony else? What about you, Rarity?"

"I had my eye on many stallions in high school, but, alas, a true lady never kisses and tells." Rarity scanned the room as she said this, eager to rid herself of the sudden attention. In truth, Rarity had been a hopeless romantic with hopelessly high standards even back in high school, but, unlike Rainbow Dash and Applejack, she knew how to pivot away from a potentially embarrassing social situation, namely by throwing someone else into it. "Twilight, darling, what sort of romantic adventures did you get into? You attended Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, did you not? We on the outside can only dream of the star-crossed romances that must surely bloom behind those walls."

"EEYES! We're finally back to my question again." Pinkie Pie shouted as she appeared from somewhere nopony was looking. "Oooh, tell me-tell me-tell me. Was it a stallion? Do I know him? Oh! Was he royalty? Didja do that star-crossing thingy that Rarity was talking about? Huh? Didja?"

Twilight's ears folded back as she backed away from Pinkie Pie, who was only inches away from her face. "O-oh, I've never been one for romance. I'd rather be reading a book or something. Besides, why the sudden interest in me? What about Cadence or Shining Armor? I bet they have more interesting stories than I do."

Finally speaking up from the front of the room, next to where Fluttershy was trying to disappear behind her stack of papers, Shining Armor said with a laugh, "Y'know, I don't think it's proper to talk about other mares when my wife is sitting next to me. Besides, I doubt my li'l sis had any friends besides the teachers or somepony she only knew from a book like Starswirl the Bearded."

Cadence nuzzled her husband before she added, "My Shining here is right. You girls should have seen how Twilight adored Starswirl as a filly. I think I remember seeing posters of him in her room whenever I babysat her."

"Hey! StarSwirl was an inspirational role model for me. Unlike all the other foals, he never laughed at me for liking to read."

"Wow, Twilight, you were even worse than I was back then. At least I had Fluttershy to keep me company." Rainbow Dash commented as she put the finishing touches on The Sonic Rainboom M4.0--this model was at least twenty-percent cooler than its predecessor thanks to its paperclip nose.

Applejack spoke up after succssfully recalling the name of her cousin Marmalade, "Don't let Rainbow get to you none, sugarcube. I think it's better to study and get some proper learnin' done than to pretend that ya kissed every stallion within five country miles."

"Y'know sis, your friend is right, when the time comes you'll know who your special somepony will be, even if you're a late bloomer. Just make sure you find a special somepony before mom and dad kick the bucket." Shining Armor's last comment earned him a light jab from Cadence as she tried to stifle a laugh.

The nearly empty train car rattled along in the late moonlight. A comfortable silence filled the air as the conversation between the two mares currently occupying the train car had died down in favor of watching the midnight landscape pass by.

'I wonder how Lyra and Bon Bon are doing. It's been a while since I've seen them around Ponyville.' Cheerilee glanced across the cabin at her friend Colgate, intending to ask her about their mutual friends, but she decided against it when she realized that the other mare was already fast asleep. I should get some rest too. It's going to be a busy weekend.

Despite her reasoning, Cheerilee continued to stare out the window beside her; she figured that she couldn't sleep if she wanted to through the constant bumps and sounds that the train made as it chugged along the tracks. The hours seemed to crawl by at a snail's pace until, with a suddenness that surprised Cheerilee, the tall towers of Canterlot came into view.

"Attention, all passengers: Our next stop is Western Canterlot Station, arriving in fifteen minutes. Please have all luggage and personal belongings ready to debark before arrival. Thank you for choosing Sunshine Express for your travel needs."

Colgate's ears flicked at the compressed robotic sound that came from the overhead speakers. She slowly stood and stretched her limbs, causing various cracking sounds to emerge from her joints. With a mighty yawn, she asked, "Are we here already? How long was I out for?"

Cheerilee glanced out the window at the rising sun over the fast-approaching cityscape before replying. "Well, considering the fact that the sun is rising I'd hazard a guess that it's been a few hours at the minimum."

"Sarcasm just comes naturally to you, doesn't it? What's the matter? Couldn't sleep on the train or something?" Colgate chuckled slightly as she began collecting her portable mountain of luggage from the various overhead storage compartments above the seats of the train car.

Cheerilee rolled her eyes as she watched her friend amass a hoard of luggage that'd make a dragon blush. "Do me a favor, and use that horn of yours to hand me my luggage, would you?" Seconds later a familiar guitar case floated towards Cheerilee, before setting itself onto the seat cushion beside her.

As soon as Mt. Colgate was fully reassembled, the train jolted to a stop at the station platform, causing it to collapse onto its founder. The doors opened before Colgate could utter a cry for help as a rush of business ponies and tourists filled the car. After a couple of minutes the two friends managed to get out onto the train station platform with their mountain beside them.

"Y'know, for what it's worth, you're pretty strong for a middle-aged school teacher."

And you're two years older than I am. Cheerilee snorted as the thought entered her mind. "I'm barely thirty, if anything you're the middle-aged mare here."

Colgate hummed a low note and squinted at Cheerilee. "Tell you what, let's go find Lyra and Bon Bon. They said that they would be waiting at the usual café that we visit. I'll buy you a coffee or something if you promise not to mention my age ever again." Without waiting for a response, Colgate's horn lit up as she magically lifted her pile of luggage and made her way out into the city streets.

I swear some of my students have more maturity and sense than that mare. Cheerilee sighed to herself as she heaved her surprisingly light case onto her back and trotted after the blue unicorn.

Author's Note

Howdy,

Fun fact, I wrote this chapter after I finished writing and editing the next two chapters. Because I didn't like the pacing of the story, I'm planning on writing 1-2 more chapters before publishing the already written ones. In essence, chapter 2 and 3 has been pushed back to chapter 5 and 6.

Funner fact, I wrote this last night in a single sitting with half a bottle of pineapple vodka in my system. Anyways, I just barely scanned through this chapter for the basic mistakes. I'm open for editors btw.

If there's one thing I think I need to work on, it's character dialog and thoughts. Idk if its just me, but I either write characters as either too robotic sounding or I make them sound as if they're wacky and zany just because. If you guys wanna suggest changes in dialog or characterization, let me know somehow. (Editor pls? Just kidding lol.)

Writing multiple characters makes it harder to flesh out said characters without the use of repeating jokes, especially if they only have one or two lines of dialog at best. In the future I plan on giving each character a chapter or two of their own in order to flesh them out.

Next chapter should be uploaded by the day after Christmas, if not sooner. I'm a lonely guy, so we'll see how it shakes out, lol.

HUZZAH, MY EDITOR HAS GRACED ME WITH AN EDITED VERSION OF THIS CHAPTER. NOW IM PROUD TO SAY THAT GOING FORWARD ALL CURRENT CHAPTERS ARE GOING TO BE HIGH QUALITY DUE TO FUTURE CHAPTERS GOING THROUGH THE THE BEAST OF AN EDITOR zx29b

The big apple and the bigger bookworms

Canterlot, like most big cities, had its fair share of snobbish upper-class ponies. As such, most Canterlot ponies had some antiquated ideas when it came to certain aspects of one's personal life. Though many a pony may not have outright said it, it was clear that the more modern ideas of romance were looked down upon, and petty actions from both sides often fueled the fire of hate that kept the moral war going.

An odd pair of mares sat next to each other on the patio of a rustic-looking cafe in the business district waiting for the other half of their friend group to arrive. The cream-colored mare of the duo raised her foreleg and half-yelled as a waiter walked by, ignoring their group in favor of one that had just sat down. It was an example of what was a common occurrence for the two of them. Although both were often, as they were then, frustrated in such situations, it was the outspoken Bon Bon who usually caused one of two outcomes: a big scene or the pair getting kicked out of the establishment.

The second half of the duo, though not inclined to make a scene, attracted curious glances from other customers and from ponies trotting down the busy street due to her odd way of sitting. Lyra sat upright in a manner similar to how earth pony musicians sit when they hold their instruments between their hindlegs. Unfortunately, the average pony had no knowledge of this and saw her way of sitting as odd at best and vulgar at worst.

"Can you believe these ponies, Lyra? We've been here for THIRTY BUCKING MINUTES while those ponies who just walked in are already getting their order taken." Bon Bon's mane had become more of a bird's nest than its usual loosely curled style, and the clean divide of pink and blue hair had become more of an undefined mixture where the two colors met.

Lyra was barely paying attention to the words that her marefriend spoke. Her mind wandered elsewhere as her eyes took in the sight of Bon Bon, and she thought of how the frazzled earth pony now resembled how she had looked after one of the 'private concerts' that they had often performed. 'Bonnie, y'know how Canterlot ponies can get. Nothing they can do will change how I feel about you.'

Lyra lifted her left forehoof and placed it on top of Bon Bon's and said aloud, "You're so sexy when you get worked up."

Both mares froze and turned to look at each other as a heavy blush found its way onto their muzzles. Bon Bon's frustration quickly melted into bashfulness as Lyra's perversion turned into embarrassment. Though unintentional, Lyra's slip-up had defused the situation.

Several minutes passed before the sound of a waitress loudly clearing her throat broke their trance. "May I take your orders, or should I come back later?" Thinly veiled disgust laced her voice as she stood waiting with a pen and notepad grasped in her magic.

Bon Bon let out a frustrated breath at the question but held her tongue. Keep calm, the last thing we need is to get kicked out of another cafe.

Sensing her marefriend's rising frustration, Lyra quickly looked over the laminated menu that had lain untouched in front of them. "Oh, ummm… I'll have a cucumber sandwich and an iced tea, unsweetened." Lyra looked over at Bon Bon before continuing, "What about you, Bonnie?"

"The same." Bon Bon locked eyes with the waitress, her voice was heavy with anger as she glared at the unfazed unicorn currently writing on her notepad.

As she finished, the waitress let out a huff before turning and mumbling something under her breath about 'filly-foolers' and 'not getting paid enough' as she briskly trotted away. As soon as she was out of earshot Bon Bon resumed her tirade, albeit in a quieter and more reasonable manner.

"Why in Celestia's name did we have to come here of all places? Why couldn't we have gone to that one cafe with the free chips and salsa or to Donut Joe's? At least he isn't a stuck-up piece of-" Bon Bon's rant was cut off as Lyra's lips met her own, calming her down enough for Lyra to answer.

"Calm down, Honey. I know it's hard to not get angry at these ponies, but it could be worse. They could've just refused to serve us like that one high-class restaurant did last week." Lyra pulled her marefriend into an awkward hug before continuing, "Besides, you know why we're here. This place is like ten minutes away from the train station, and Donut Joe's is like half-way across the city."

Bon Bon's ears flattened against her head. She knew Lyra was right, but she wished that she wasn't as she embraced her marefriend. "Promise we'll leave as soon as Colgate and Cheerilee get here?" The tone of frustration that Bon Bon's voice had carried had been broken leaving a quiet whisper in its place.

Lyra turned her head and nuzzled under one of Bon Bon's ears as she soothingly whispered. "I promise. We don't even have to wait for our order, either. As soon as they get here we can go to Donut Joe's. My treat."

Lyra frowned internally. Having been born and raised in Canterlot had made her resistant to the harsh realities of the city, but seeing the way Bon Bon felt left an indescribable feeling in her stomach that made her want to lash out at anypony who wronged her marefriend, despite how bubbly and optimistic she normally was.

The mushy mood dispersed almost as soon as it had descended upon them, as a familiar voice called out, causing the other ponies around them to stop and focus their attention on them.

"Hey Harpflanks, Sweets! Long time no see."

Camelot Street was one of the busiest streets in Canterlot. It hadn't always been that way, but when the construction of Canterlot's first ever train station was finished it turned one of the quieter roads of the city into one of it's busiest thoroughfares, second only to Royale Avenue, which served both as an open air market and as the main entrance to the castle that housed Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

"Hey, Colgate, mind slowing down a little? I don't even know where we're supposed to meet up!" Although Cheerilee shouted, her voice was drowned out by the sea of commuters who were hurriedly galloping every way imaginable as they tried to navigate the street.

With a small sigh, Cheerilee found herself dodging and weaving through an oncoming crowd of ponies. She barely managed to not lose sight of her blue unicorn friend thanks in no small part to the giant mountain of floating luggage that shoulder checked any pony who dared to get in its way.

After a dozen minutes or so of navigating the rough ocean that was Camelot Street, Cheerilee caught up with the now-immobile mountain in front of her. Walking around it revealed a tired Colgate trying to catch her breath. Cheerilee smiled smugly at her friend as she tried to decide whether to ask either if Colgate was okay or where they were supposed to be headed. Settling upon the latter Cheerilee cleared her throat to catch her friend's attention.

"Looks like your age is catching up with you." Cheerilee stopped to readjust her own case that sat on her back. "By the way, any idea where we're headed?"

Colgate lifted her hoof and wiped away a few drops of sweat rolling down her forehead before pointing towards a deep green-colored cafe just up ahead. "Huff… We're… meeting at… Starbuck…"

Looking back towards the cafe, Cheerilee spied the lovebirds, Lyra and Bon Bon, hugging and enjoying the moment, oblivious to the world around them. 'Some ponies just have it all in this world, don't they? It must be nice to have a special somepony.'

"I guess I'll go on ahead then. You look like you're going to need all the help you can get with all that luggage you brought." Cheerilee trotted off without listening for an answer. Near the green ornate railing that lined the patio, Cheerilee came to a stop and called out to Lyra and Bon Bon. "Hey Harpflanks, Sweets! Long time no see."

Hours passed as the group of four managed, with no small amount of effort, to transport Colgate's mountain of luggage to a hotel near the heart of Canterlot. Gone was the sea of ponies on their morning commute, replaced by stragglers that occasionally wandered up and down the now-desolate roads.

"So, this is it, huh? I didn't expect you two Ponyville girls to be staying in such a high-class place," Colgate jokingly stated as she looked the building up and down. "How in the hay did you afford this?"

In truth, the hotel was one of the finest that the city had to offer. The blackish-grey stucco outer walls, accentuated with rich mahogany trimming, were contrasted by pure white load-bearing marble pillars that tied the facade together in a such a way that the typically ostentatious elements could be seen as minimalistic additions. No doubt a complex blend of engineering and exterior design had gone into achieving the perfect balance between the dark-grey, white, and rich brown tones that caused the building to stand out from, yet also blend into, the city around it.

Cheerilee absent-mindedly admired the building as the group prepared to walk inside. 'I bet a single night here would cost me a whole paycheck.'

Lyra answered Colgate's question, "You know how Bonnie and I were visiting because of that contract that I received to play background music for a series of plays?" Colgate nodded in response to the rhetorical question. "Well, one thing led to another, and both of us kind of got involved with that changeling invasion a couple weeks ago." Lyra shuddered thinking back to that awful day. "Totally not our fault," she said while shaking her head and holding up her forelegs.

Bon Bon nuzzled her marefriend before picking up where she had left off. "Totally. Thankfully, the princesses decided to reimburse us for the whole ordeal, because the plays were canceled for the foreseeable future." Bon Bon turned and pointed toward the top floor of the hotel. "As for how we could afford this place, the other hotel we were staying in had been destroyed by the invasion, so for the rest of our stay the princesses rented out the penthouse suite as a way of saying, 'sorry.'"

Both Colgate's and Cheerilee's minds raced at the information that had been presented to them. They went from wondering if their friends were hurt during the invasion to being curious about the price tag on their luxurious new hotel suite.

"Are you guys okay?" "Were you scared?" "Did either of you get hurt?" After processing what their friends had just told them, Cheerilee and Colgate bombarded them with overlapping questions causing the couple to giggle at their concerns.

"We're fine. Honestly aside from a couple of our suitcases getting screatched and dented we did not get hurt at all." Bon Bon playfully bumped her marefriend before continuing, "If anything, Lyra here was more put out by the paperwork that we had to fill out afterwards."

"Trust me when I say this: I'd rather go through that whole invasion again before even thinking about the paperwork that we had to fill out." Lyra's stomach growled as she finished speaking.

"We should probably get settled in, so we can go grab a bite to eat somewhere before it gets too late." Bon Bon turned to walk inside before calling back towards the rest of the group. "I'll see if we can get some of the staff to help us."

The suite took up almost an entire floor of the hotel, save for the hallway leading up to it. Its layout was asymmetrical, having two bedrooms and a bathroom on the left side of a living room while the right held a master bedroom with a connected bathroom. Each room was furnished with a sleek and minimalistic black-and-white theme. Near the far side of the living room was an open kitchen which sat right beside the entrance to the large balcony that took up an entire outer wall, allowing one to view the cityscape no matter where they stood in the living room.

The group sat on the black leather wrap-around sofa in the center of the living room of the suite waiting for Colgate to finish getting ready.

"Does Lyra usually take this long getting ready?" Cheerilee looked around the room, searching for a timepiece in order to figure out just how long they had been waiting.

Bon Bon rolled eyes. "You wouldn't believe how bad Lyra can get. Sometimes I have to lie about what time things are scheduled."

"Must be a unicorn thing. I swear to Celestia, every time I have an appointment scheduled at Colgate's clinic I'm stuck waiting half an hour in the lobby reading old magazines."

"I'll have you know dentistry is time consuming. I can't magic away cavities y'know." Colgate hollered from the bathroom that connected to the living room. "Besides, I'll only be five more minutes."

'That's what you said the last three times.' Cheerilee fought the urge to argue back with the unicorn knowing that arguing would just encourage her to take even longer.

The day drew to a close after hours of sightseeing and catching up with one another as the group of mares continued towards their final stop for the day: Cenando en la Luna. To many it was a charming family-run hole in the wall in the eastern district of Canterlot--the kind that, although it wouldn't be out of place in Mexicolt, stuck out like a sore thumb amongst the the high-class restaurants that littered that part of the city.

For Cheerilee, however, this was once a place she had called home. Her family had moved here and set up shop when she was a filly in hope of living the Canterlot dream. Depending on who you asked, you would get various answers as to whether or not they had achieved such a dream, but if you asked her mom and dad they'd regale you with stories of hardships and family bonds that'd make a grown stallion cry. Unfortunately, family bonds also came with a side of embarrassment so thick that you could cut through it with a butter knife.

"Are you two sure you want to eat here? It's your anniversary, after all. Don't you want to go to a high-class restaurant or something?" Cheerilee pleaded as the building in question came into view near the end of the block.

Lyra rolled her eyes at Cheerilee's question as she continued towards their destination. "Believe me, we've already tried going to one of those fancy places, and even though the food was good the atmosphere was ruined by the way ponies stared at us."

"She's right. It's always something with those high-class ponies. They always find something to dislike about a pony," Bon Bon added as she nuzzled against Lyra. "The last one we visited refused to serve us because we weren't wearing anything! Seriously, who would do something like that?"

"You don't have to worry about that kind of thing where we're going. Cheerilee's parents aren't the type of ponies to do something silly like that." Colgate jokingly added as she looked towards Cheerilee, "The most they'll do is accidentally embarrass their daughter, and luckily I'm not her."

"Oh, ha-ha. Very funny, Colgate. You can't even imagine how embarrassed I was the last time I visited them. They thought I was bringing a special somepony with me. They even had the whole place decorated with a reserved booth and everything." Cheerilee glared side-long at Colgate with that tight-lipped, high-browed frown that teachers love to aim at misbehaving students. "I wonder who told them that, anyway. You wouldn't know anything about it, would you?"

"Me? No, I have no idea who gave them that silly idea. OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! We're here. Ha-ha. Why don't I just make sure there's a table for us?" Before she had finished speaking the last few syllables, Colgate rushed on ahead of the group and to the relative safety of the check-in queue.

''Cenando en la Luna." Cheerilee hummed. "When was the last time we visited this place?" Cheerilee mused as they sat in a booth towards the front of the restaurant. Sparing a glance toward the front register, a collage of pictures of the local high school's various sports teams over the years caught the school teacher's eye. 'That brings back memories. How long has it been? Around ten years if I'm not mistaken.' Near the bottom-left of the various photos was a faded newspaper clipping labeled 'Upcoming Band Taking Canterlot By Storm' that depicted a group of familiar mares, including Cheerilee herself, posing with their instruments as though the picture were going to be the back cover of their new album. As that thought entered her brain the now-fully grown former muscian let out a sigh she didn't notice she was holding in.

"Oh, relax Cheerilee. It's only for one weekend. When was the last time we girls hung out anyways?" cried out the seafoam coated unicorn sitting opposite the magenta earth pony.

Cheerilee gently shook her head before replying, "Look girls, I know it's Lyra's and Bon Bon's anniversary, but aren't we a little too old to be doing something like that?" Her green eyes glanced around the rest of the group as she finished. 'Nothing truly changes, does it? Lyra, Bon Bon, Colgate, and me--we're all still stuck together after all these years.'

"C'mon, Cheerilee, loosen up a little. We're in Canterlot. No honor student's helicopter mom from Ponyville is going to be here to judge us for knocking a few back and cutting loose." Colgate grabbed Cheerilee by the withers with a foreleg as she motioned with her other hoof towards her friend's chest, "Or maybe your hang-up is that you have a super-secret somepony living here in the Big Apple that you're not telling us about," she teased.

"You do know that we're not in Neigh York, right Colgate?" Cheerilee felt her face become slightly warmer at Colgate's mention of a special somepony.

"Y'know, Lyra's right. The last time we did anything together was during cider season around five months ago back in Ponyville," replied Bon Bon, "and the time before that was when your class put on that Hearts and Hooves Day play." As she finished speaking an older burgundy-coated unicorn stallion with a graying lavender slicked back mane walked up to them carrying their orders in his magical grasp.

As he set down the dishes in front of the group he began to smile before speaking, "Dear Celestia! It's been ages since I saw you girls." He turned towards Cheerilee before continuing, "And you there, Little Miss Lee Lee, you should really come visit your mother and I more often or at the very least write to us outside of the occasional holiday letters."

"Not to brag or anything, but we come here at least once a month Mr. Spark," replied the tan-coated mare as she draped one of her forehooves over Lyra.

"Oh, don't I know it. You two are half the reason this place can stay afloat," Mr. Spark replied in a mischievous tone. "However, the only time we see our little girl is during the holidays what with her living in Ponyville."

"The train ticket to Canterlot from Ponyville isn't cheap, Dad," Cheerilee stated while she playfully rolled her eyes, "not to mention how much they jack up the prices during holiday seasons. A teachers salary isn't much." 'Not to mention that all you two do is question me about being single.'

"Y'know, I'm kinda hurt, Moonlit--all this talk about missing us but you haven't even said a word to your daughter's best friend," Colgate teased while she put a forehoof over her mouth feigning hurt.

"We see you more often than our daughter, since your parents and you often dine here when you come to visit them," Mr. Spark replied. "And besides, you actually send us letters unlike a certain somepony." The older stallion whispered that last part as he side-eyed Cheerilee who sat there with a barely contained smile. "With that said, however, I should let you girls enjoy your meals before they get cold." As he finished speaking, Mr. Spark turned around and trotted back towards the deep blue kitchen doors near the back of the restaurant.

"Remind me why we're doing this again?" asked a lavender unicorn as she and her friends sat around a large dining table in one of Canterlot Castle's many, many dining rooms.

"That's simple, silly!" exclaimed a pink earth pony currently bouncing up and down on her seat. "We've been here for FOREVER doing booooring paperwork after those mean bug ponies crashed the party in the Crystal Kingdom. AND! The princesseses said we could have the day off while we wait for Fluttershy to finish."

Twilight rolled her eyes at the overly animated Pinkie who sat--not that she stayed in her seat much--opposite of herself. 'Where does that energy even come from?' "I know Fluttershy is still busy with the last of her paperwork, but I don't understand what that has to do with us girls going out and making fools of ourselves."

"Pinkie, darling, it wasn't a party. It was an oh-so-romantic wedding," the marshmallow-white coated unicorn sitting next to Pinkie said as she dramatically threw a forehoof across her forehead and half-swooned at the idea. "Sadly, those despicable 'changeling' creatures simply had to ruin such a beautiful night and leave us with the paperwork."

"Y'know Pinkie, I may not be the best with fancy wordings and all, but I don't think 'princesseses' is a real word," replied an orange country pony with her mouth full of food, which caused Rarity to wince as a couple of bits of chewed food flew onto her plate thus claiming it as their own.

Twilight glanced sidelong at her friend. 'C'mon AJ, everypony knows not to correct Pinkie's Pinkie-ness.'

"NUH UH! Of course it's a real word, because I just said it," Pinkie responded as she blew a raspberry in Applejack's direction.

The resulting spittle piloted itself onto Rarity's plate to join the aforementioned chewed food in a fight to colonize their new found land. Rarity sighed, as the two began arguing semantics and pushed her plate forward to make room for her to face plant onto the table. Twilight winced at the resulting bang that ended the war of germs that was taking place on Rarity's plate.

'And so it begins,' Twilight thought, looking across the table at the now dejected Rarity.

"C'mon, you egghead, when was the last time you let loose?" asked Rainbow Dash. "Besides, did you see how much paperwork they had us do? Just look at how worn out Rarity is over there."

"I don't think going around and visiting clubs is a good way to alleviate stress," Twilight said as she spared her fellow unicorn a pittying glance. 'Besides that, I've never been to one of those places.'

"You're such a wet blanket, Twilight. What else did you have planned for today--reading books in the library or something?" teased Rainbow Dash.

"I'll have you know that the royal library has literal tons," Twilight paused to giggle quietly at her own pun, "of rare books that aren't easy to get your hooves on--for instance, Clover the Clever's Guide to the Natural World, Volumn III. It pioneered the idea of farming and-" Before she could continue her impromptu lecture Applejack cut her off.

"Y'know Twi, I appreciate the thought, but I'd rather not think about work on one of my days off." Thankfully, her argument with Pinkie had left her with no time to refuel the colony of plate invaders in her mouth. "'Sides, I feel like after that whole wedding shindig we should cut loose some whiles we're here in the Big Apple and all."

'We're in Canterlot, not Neigh York.' Twilight sighed and thought before deciding against correcting her friend. "I'm surprised that Rarity agreed to join us." Rarity's ear twitched upon hearing her name, and she regained her posture. Twilight continued, "I mean, isn't this kind of unladylike?"

"Please, darling, these last few days have been draining on my mind and on my beautiful body. I think I deserve to indulge if just for a night." Rarity flicked her mane back before continuing, "Besides, think of the romantic potential here--meeting a charming stallion in a quaint little bar and hitting it off only to find yourself in a secret relationship where the both of you have to sneak away to rendezvous under the midnight moon. Isn't that just the pinnacle of romance?" She squeed in happiness as she fell back into her imaginary world of romance.

'Looks like there's no way out of this.' "I guess you girls aren't going to let me sit this one out," Twilight said as she rolled her eyes.

"You bet we aren't, you egghead." Rainbow Dash paused for a second before swinging her foreleg around Twilight's withers and giving her friend a playful noogie with her free forehoof. "Besides, we need someone to keep us in check, and who better to do that than our favorite square?"

"Alright, alright! I guess somepony needs to keep you girls in line," Twilight replied as she tried and failed to escape Rainbow Dash's death grip.

"Come on, Cheerilee, you're the only one still eating and you're not even halfway done." Lyra looked over towards the half-eaten cherry chimichanga on her friend's plate. "Don't tell me you're getting cold hooves."

"Yeah, we're burning daylight, err... I mean night light here." Colgate spared a glance at a clock adorning the wall. "It's already ten o'clock."

"You girls know I'm a slow eater. It's not my fault. I'll go ask for a take-out box." Cheerilee excused herself before walking towards the register. As she stepped up to the counter, an older earth mare with a faded pink mane styled in an old-fashioned beehive with a complementary salmon-colered coat walked out of the back room door. Sigh. 'Here it comes.'

"Cheeri! Baby, Darling, Honey!" exclaimed the mare from behind the counter. "You should really visit more. Have you found a special somepony yet? I could introduce you to Margaret's son. Remember her? She's in my book club. She was at your high school gradu-"

"Mom! You don't have to be so loud, you know." Cheerilee's cheeks flushed slightly at her mother's comments. "Besides, I'm not looking for anypony right now. My job keeps me busy enough as it is."

"Mmm, Honey, I just wish you visited more often. Your dad and I aren't getting any younger, and I wanna see my grand-babies before I go grey like your father has." Her mom's eyes betrayed her cheerful tone. "Whatever happened to that farmer stallion you mentioned a while back?"

'Not one minute has gone by and it's already started.' Cheerilee sighed. "You already know what happened, Mom. It wasn't real love. Some of my students were messing around with a love potion."

"Are you sure? Did you at least give him a chance after that whole mess?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Mom. I promise, next time I visit we can sit down and talk about this."

"Oh, alright. I guess I shouldn't keep you girls waiting then." She started to type something out on the register using her forehooves before it started printing a receipt. "That'll be fifty-seven bits, Honey. Do you need any take-out boxes or anything?"

'Thankfully, I didn't have to stand here for a half-hour like last time.' Cheerilee thought for a moment as she fiddled with a strap on her left-side saddlebag and produced from the bag money that she handed to her mother. "Um, yeah. Can I get a small one?"

"Sure thing. By the way, Hon, if you don't mind me asking, what are you girls going to do for Lyra and Bon Bon's anniversary after this?" she asked as she ducked behind the counter before reappearing with a small white styrofoam container.

"Oh. Well, we were planning to have a girls' night out on the town, so to speak."

"Cheeri, I know your father and I are always asking about-" She stopped herself before finishing her train of thought, "well y'know, but don't do anything I wouldn't do out there."

"Thanks, Mom. I promise I'll visit again before I go back home." After a small hug across the counter with her mother, Cheerilee took the take-out box in her mouth and trotted across the restaurant back to her friends who were talking amongst one another.

As she reached the table, Cheerilee greeted them once more. "Sorry I took so long, girls. You know how my mom gets when I say goodbye."

"No worries, Cheerilee. Remember how long it took us to leave here back during graduation?" Bon Bon asked as the group began to stand up and stretch.

Lyra was the first one to respond. "Tell me about it. I remember us leaving like three hours after we finished eating."

Colgate jokingly shivered. "Don't remind me. My parents yelled at me for being late to the graduation dinner they had planned for me that night."

"Are we going back to the hotel before we start celebrating?" Cheerilee asked as she gently set her leftovers into her saddlebags.

"And give you a chance to get cold hooves again? Its already late as it is, and the hotel is a good thirty-minute walk from here. I say we get straight to it," replied Colgate as she playfully punched Cheerilee's left foreleg. "Nice try, though."

Author's Note

Howdy y'all,

Sorry for the long while in-between updates y'all, lots of things happened. Anyways, due to this I haven't been able to write and went like a week between writing sessions, so this chapter may seem a bit rough around the edges since I wanted to put this out there as soon as possible. I feel like I did a bad job with writing Cheerilee's group of friends in the middle part of this chapter, writing this many characters in the same scene is super hard.

Anyways, like and subscribe, and don't forget to hit that bell icon in order to get notific-comment on what I can improve upon.

Sincerely,

Bug

IMPORTANT UPDATE:

Heyo,

I'm not sure if anyone has clicked the bookmark button for this stories updates yet, I've seen a few peeps save this to their favorites though. Hopefully that still alerts them to new updates. ANYWAYS, important announcements for all. An incredibly talented person by the name of zx29b has helped me a ton by helping edit this chapter and are planning on going through the first two chapters as well. They even helped make the dialog feel more natural when the colorful ponies start speaking.

all in all, they've been a great help as they've went above and beyond for a random stranger like myself. With their help, hopefully this story becomes one of the great ones; despite it being a crack ship, lol.

As for future readers, hello I hope the fandom is still kicking all those years in the future.

Funny drinks and unique experiences

The group of four stepped out into the quiet Canterlot night as they made small talk amongst themselves. "So, where to?" asked Cheerilee as she looked at the pony closest to her.

"Beats me. Besides, shouldn't the lucky ladies choose where we're gonna go?" said Colgate as she inclined her head back at the couple who were nuzzling against one another a few paces behind Cheerilee and herself.

"Y'know, Bon Bon, you make me the happiest mare in the world, especially tonight," Lyra cooed as her left foreleg pulled her marefriend into a tight hug, causing them to trip slightly as they walked together.

"Come on, Lyra, not in front of our friends," Bon Bon replied as she half-heartedly pulled away, a blush creeping onto her muzzle.

Those two are sappier than the Cutie Mark Crusaders at a Hearths Warming tree farm. I wouldn't be caught dead doing something like that in public, Cheerilee thought before clearing her throat loud enough for them to hear. "I don't mind you two lovebirds enjoying yourselves, but I thought you invited us here to explore the nightlife, not to watch you explore each other."

Bon Bon chuckled slightly at Cheerilee calling them out before she lifted her nose up slightly up to whisper into Lyra's ear, "She's right, y'know, but if you're on your best behavior tonight I'll let you explore something else when we get back home." Lyra stood there as a sea of red washed over her face.

"Aw, c'mon Cheerilee, what's the matter? A little PDA never hurt anypony. You jealous that you don't have a stallion to cuddle up with at night?" As she turned around and started walking again Colgate teased, "Maybe we can find you one tonight that will loosen you up a bit and get your parents off your back--kill two birds with one stone as they say."

This time it was Cheerilee's turn to stand in shock and blush like Lyra had while the happy couple picked up their pace and cantered past her to catch up with Colgate.

'Seriously, does no one get tired of making fun of my personal life?' Cheerilee sighed through her nose as she began to follow her friends through the streets with a small smile on her face.

After a quick trot, Lyra and Bon Bon brought their party to a stop at Bridle Avenue, the start of a series of city blocks that made up Canterlot's 'red light' district. Unlike the shiny, tall towers that made up the rest of Canterlot's skyline, the buildings here were shorter, older, and seemed to have once housed heavy industry. Instead of being torn down when the former tenants vacated, the neighborhood had been reconstructed as the kind of place with enough neon light to let people know that they can have fun there and enough shadows to reassure them that they will not be seen having it.

"So, this is the place, huh? Doesn't it seem kind of... what's the word? 'Tacky' maybe?" Colgate pondered as the group came to a stop in front of a bar that appeared to be newer than the surrounding buildings. "No, 'scuzzy.' Definitely 'scuzzy.'" She nodded emphatically.

"It's actually quite nice once you're inside," replied Bon Bon. "It's quiet and clean. Well, it's cleaner than most other places around here, at least. Best of all, it's one of those 'mares only' type bars, so we won't get hit on all night."

"Hey, just because you're going to sleep in a warm bed tonight, that doesn't mean that the rest of us here would mind a little help in that department. Right, Cheerilee?" Colgate jokingly asked as she playfully punched Cheerilee's shoulder.

"I don't think hooking up in a bar would be a good idea, because, unlike somepony, I like to think that I have some standards," Cheerilee said while trying not to react to Colgate who was holding her own nose up with a forehoof and silently mimicing Cheerilee, to Bon Bon's amusement. "Besides, as I told my mother, I'm already plenty busy with the whole teacher thing," Cheerilee finished, rolling her eyes at Colgate's display.

"Well, I'm glad we decided to go here instead of to one of those nightclubs. I swear, those younger ponies don't know how to act, and don't even get me started on the music that they play," Lyra added, nuzzling up to her marefriend for the umpteenth time since they had left the restaurant.

Colgate grinned at her on-coming jab, "Jeez, Harp Flanks, you're starting to sound like Grandma Cheerilee over there. Where are the party animals I used to know?"

"Why, look who's talking," Bon Bon teased. "Besides, unlike you two old spinsters, we have already found our hook-up for tonight." Bon Bon wrapped her foreleg around Lyra and squeezed.

"Hey, I'm not even that old, okay?"

We're still the same as we ever were. Cheerilee smiled inwardly, ignoring the group's occasional light-hearted insults that they threw towards her in-between the ones directed at each other. She turned to look at their destination.

The building in question was only one story tall. Aside from the front wall of the building, which had a layer of tan stucco that tried to hide the building's true age, the other walls had their dull, cracked grey masonry exposed. The two side walls faced dark, narrow alley ways. A large fluorescent red neon sign that read in nearly illegible cursive: 'Midnight Rose.' A simplistic outline of a rose blinked on and off beneath the name. Whether this was by choice or due to faulty wiring was anypony's guess, but either way it drew attention to the building from passing ponies. Apart from the sign, the wall also sported a set of periwinkle doors with large windows on either side that were covered on the inside by heavy curtains.

Colgate was right. This place looks like it was pulled from one of my parents' old romance novels. Cheerilee rolled her eyes at the thought of how both her mom and dad were hopeless romantics and how that caused them both to worry about her personal life.

Cheerilee was pulled from her thoughts when the sounds of her friends faded, and out of the corner of her eye she saw movement in front of the bar door. As Bon Bon and Lyra started to make their way inside, Colgate stopped to hold the door open for her wool-gathering friend. Not wanting to make them wait, Cheerilee quickly followed suit.

As she neared the doorway a wave of jazz flowed over her and out onto the street. She felt the sudden transition from the crisp Canterlot night to a warm and stuffy perfume-filled room. The interior was small, yet its many shadows exuded an aura of comfort.

Cheerilee took in the sight of the bar as her baby blue friend trotted from her place beside the door to the booth near the back wall where their friends had found seats. The walls were a pale periwinkle that contrasted with the ebony wood flooring. A magenta glow beamed down from the shaded bulbs in the ceiling and coated the room in a dim light. To her left was a set of four dark oak booths that sat back to back from each other, their faux leather cushions tinted a bright pink shade by the artificial lighting. Near the middle of the room sat two medium-sized circular tables surrounded by chairs that matched the booths in their design. Finally, to her right was the bartender's station which featured a distinctive polished black marble counter with streaks of white throughout it that made it resemble zebra stripes.

My parents would have a field day if they ever saw this place, Cheerilee thought as she neared the booth where her friends sat, engaged in whatever silly topic Colgate had probably come up with in the seconds it took her to walk over.

"... then I suggested oatmeal, and you wouldn't even believe what she said to me." Colgate burst into a fit of laughter before she could finish whatever story she was telling Bon Bon and Lyra.

"It's been forever since I've stepped hoof inside one of these places. The last time was during college, if I remember correctly." Cheerilee absently stated as she took a seat next to Colgate.

"Careful there, Grandma. We don't want you to hurt yourself trying to remember," Colgate jokingly replied.

"That's the pot calling the kettle black, you know. Maybe it's my old age, but I can't remember you ever waking up with any memory of the night before when we were in college," Cheerilee retorted, giving in to the light-hearted mood of the night.

"Y'know, since neither of us can remember, how about we find out who's the light-weight around here?"

"Seriously, Colgate?" Bon Bon said with a small laugh. "Senile as we old gray mares all are, we know how poorly you handle alcohol. The last time you did this you woke up inside Zecora's hut, and she wasn't even at the party."

"On the bright side, we had the whole house to ourselves that night, even though she was supposed to stay over," Lyra cooed as she nuzzled up against her marefriend, causing Bon Bon's face to flush red.

"I'm not hearing anypony say 'no.' Any preferences?" asked Colgate as Cheerilee got up to make way for the unicorn to scoot past her.

"If we're really doing this, get us something strong. All joking aside, Cheerilee over here can drink us all under the table without breaking a sweat," Lyra called out, causing the school teacher to roll her eyes.

"Years of finishing the bottle while Colgate's passed out will do that to a girl," Cheerilee deadpanned. Not to mention the need to not be lucid when you two start attacking each other's faces soon thereafter.

Colgate leisurely trotted up to the mare standing behind the ornate bar, taking in the details of the room and the occasional customer. The bartender was a black coated mare with a dull orange mane who was casually cleaning a glass held afloat in her magic.

"I don't think I've seen you around here before, honey. What can I get you?" the mare said in a sultry tone as her eyes scanned Colgate's body.

"How much for a bottle of your strongest drink? Oh, and can I get uhh... four shot glasses? If you don't mind." Colgate asked.

"Well, normally I wouldn't give out whole bottles to customers, even if they're as cute as you are, however I think I can make an exception just this one time," the mare replied, offering Colgate a wink along with the compliment.

"O-oh. Sorry but I don't, y'know, swing that way, so to speak. We're here for our friends' anniversary," Colgate awkwardly replied as a slight blush creeped onto her muzzle.

"My apologies. I guess I have another reason to make an exception tonight, don't I?" the bartender replied, reaching down and pulling out an extremely dusty yet mostly full bottle of green liquid with a label that read 'Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster' in yellow cursive. "Meet the bastard child of absinthe and champagne. Take the potency of both its parents, double it, and you get this."

Wow. That sounds strong. Colgate thought, slightly taken aback by the mare's claim.

"How expensive is it?" she asked, hoping it wasn't too much.

The bartender sighed. "Truth be told, honey, a place like this doesn't get many new customers, and none of the regulars are brave enough to order a shot of it more than once. This bottle has been sitting here for years, so let's just say it's an anniversary gift for your friends over there," she said as she placed the bottle and four shot glasses on the marble counter.

"Are you sure? I kind of feel bad about not paying for this," Colgate replied while taking the collection of glassware in her magic.

"You'll be doing me a favor, honey. I couldn't sell this stuff if I wanted to, and I could use the space back here," the mare assured her.

Shrugging, Colgate offered her a small thanks and headed back to the booth where her friends were waiting.

"Hey, hey! Guess who's back," Colgate hollered as she set the glasses on the table.

"Great. Just when we were starting to enjoy ourselves," Lyra replied with a fake scoff.

"Oh, come on. You know you missed me. Besides, the bartender gave me something special." Colgate beamed.

"It wouldn't happen to be a shred of decency, would it?" Bon Bon asked with a small laugh.

"Even better, apparently this bottle right here is the strongest stuff she had," Colgate said, resting a hoof over the bottle's mouth.

"I'm betting four shots before she passes out. What about you?" Lyra stage whispered to her marefriend.

"I'll take the under. Knowing Colgate, I say it'll take two to make her forget tonight and a third to make her black out," Bon Bon responded while judgmentally looking over the dusty bottle.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Might as well get this over with," Cheerilee stated. She took the bottle in both of her forehooves with practiced skill and began pouring the first round of shots.

"Um, is it supposed to be bubbling like that?" Bon Bon asked, looking down at the green fluid that threatened to overflow with every bubble.

"It smells like lemons. It's probably carbonated like a seltzer," Cheerilee replied, tentatively sniffing the opened bottle.

"Alright, everypony, on three. Ready? One… two… three!" Colgate cheered, preemptively downing her shot as the rest followed suit soon after.

Seconds later a wave of shock hit the group. Each mare sat there as they experienced a sensation that could only be described as having your brains smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick.

"Ugh, what was that?" Colgate gagged, feeling the carbonation and burning slide down her throat.

"*cough* *cough* Ooh, that was stronger than I thought it was going to be," Cheerilee stated, not nearly as affected as Colgate had been by the alcohol.

"Oh, oh, are we there yet? Are we? Please say we are!" Pinkie Pie half-shouted from Twilight's right side as she bounced along like she was walking on the moon.

"So, do any of you other girls know where we're supposed to go?" asked Twilight as she and her friends neared the end of Lunar Boulevard. A good three-quarters of an hour had passed since they had arrived in the city proper and had begun making their way to the heart of Canterlot.

"Ugh, you two sound like a couple of foals, and you always call me impatient. Do you know how many times you've asked that?" Rainbow Dash called from above them.

Pinkie repeatedly swatted an imaginary buzzer in front of her. "I know! I know! It's seventy-six for me and fifty-three for Twilight." She pulled Twilight into a smothering embrace as she proudly announced how good her memory was.

"Ah relax, sugarcube. A saloon can't be too hard to find in this here fancy-shmancy city," Applejack assured Twilight from her left.

"Rainbow Dash is right, darling. I know that you have never been one to go out on the town like this, but that is no excuse to act like a bored Sweetie Belle." Rarity shook her head and sighed as she led the group on. "At least Twilight is not scooting along the ground on her chin yet," she said to herself.

"Are you sure you know how to get there, Rarity? We've been walking for about an hour now, not to mention how we made that wrong turn awhile back," Twilight replied as she pried herself from Pinkie's iron grip.

"Now, now, dear, that is all in the past. Besides, I could've sworn it was a left at that donut place." Rarity picked up her pace a bit, putting on an air of confidence to mask her abysmal sense of direction.

Twilight sighed. She watched the shadowy outline of a giant concrete donut in the sky pass over the group unnoticed for the third time tonight. Donut Joe's again. Either I'm getting deja vu or this is going to be a long night.

After twenty more minutes in limbo--and after passing by the same donut shop five more times--the group stopped and asked the stallion who ran the shop for directions, much to Rarity's dismay. They arrived at their destination only three minutes later.

"Honestly, when I asked where a lady could enjoy a night out this is hardly what I had been expecting." Rarity huffed as she glanced over the place in question.

Before them was 'The Golden Horseshoe'--a decrepit old stone building that had seen far better days. The rusty iron letters that spelled out its name held onto their moorings for dear life, ready to fall at a moments notice. Above the name was a gold-painted horseshoe that had become chipped and flaked over the course of its long existence. The bar itself, however, was seemingly quite popular in spite of its appearance. Many working-class ponies could be seen rushing in and out of the bar every minute or so.

"Shucks. It kinda reminds me of my old great-uncle's saloon in Appaloosa. It was always a rowdy joint come night time," Applejack stated as she began to separate from her now-immobile cluster of hesitant friends.

"Eh, AJ's right. Besides, I've been to sleazier places. Really, this doesn't even make my top ten." Rainbow Dash landed before following the cowpony inside.

"I can't believe those two would willingly go into that dingy building. Can you, Twilight?" Rarity's eyes shrunk, and her face turned an even paler shade of white as her eyes found Pinkie Pie next to entrance.

"I don't think this place meets OSHA standards. Wait, what is Pinkie doing over there?" Twilight froze in shock as she watched a stallion who had recently walked out of the building puking his guts out while her pink friend held his mane up.

"Ahem. W-well one shouldn't judge a book by its cover… r-right? Come now, darling, let's get a move on," Rarity said as she led her lavender friend inside and away from the offending display.

Unfortunately for Rarity and Twilight, this book's contents matched its cover. A sea of ponies awaited them inside. Wasting no time, the two found themselves at a table that had already been claimed by one of their more adventurous friends.

"This place has a certain… rustic charm to it," Twilight ventured, eager to get the night over with.

"Honestly, darling, I doubt that even Applejack here would go that far. Say, Applejack, did a server already come by to take your orders?" Rarity inquired as she and Twilight took a seat at the table. Pinkie Pie made her way around the room introducing herself to her new acquaintances who would only remember a high-pitched pink blur in the morning.

"This place isn't some kind of high-class joint, Rarity. I'm pretty sure there's nopony here to take your order, unless one of the boys here likes you, if you know what I mean," Rainbow Dash replied as she balanced a pitcher of what looked like cider and two empty glasses on her outstretched wings before setting them on the table.

"Now then, I don't know what y'all got planned fer the evenin', but I got a score to settle here with a certain light-weight. Last I recall, it was thirty to twenty-eight in my favor, wunnit, Dash?" Applejack taunted as she filled both glasses.

"Oh buck no. The score was twenty-nine, twenty-eight the last time I counted," Rainbow Dash exclaimed as she preemptively grabbed the first glass that Applejack filled and gulped down its contents in one swig.

"That's 'cause you can't remember the last time what with how drunk you got, Dash. Heck, I reckon you can't recall waking up in Granny Smith's bed the next day, neither," Applejack retorted as she downed her own glass.

"Oh, yeah? Just watch me drink you under the table so hard that you won't even remember all the paperwork we filled out today, you apple-brained loser!" Rainbow Dash shouted, grabbing the attention of nearby ponies.

"We'll see about that right now! Bring it on, you pidgeon-headed show-off!" Applejack yelled back. "Uh, no offense," she said over Dash's shoulder to another bar patron.

"None taken," replied a griffon with the head of a pigeon from a booth.

Applejack doffed her hat to him and then glared at Rainbow Dash before pounding another glass.

Not even five minutes into the night, and those two are already trying to compete again, thought Twilight.

Quickly, the group found themselves caught in a wave of commotion centered around Applejack's and Rainbow's contest as a group of stallions and mares alike chanted, "Drink! Drink! Drink!"

"Is this how this sort of thing usually works?" Twilight asked, turning away from the two mares who were already five rounds deep in the competition.

"No, dear. As I understand it, one usually comes to this type of place to unwind, not to get riled up," Rarity said as she fruitlessly scanned the crowd for anypony that resembled a waiter or waitress. Realizing that the only pony working at this establishment was the bartender, Rarity eyed a pair of empty seats near the bar, and she began pushing Twilight along toward them. "Lets at least try to enjoy ourselves instead of watching our friends make fools of themselves. Come along now. I would hate for you to get lost in this ménagerie, darling."

"Woah! O-oh, okay." Twilight yelped in surprise as Rarity used her face to push Twilight along by her hindquarters.

Rarity sighed. "At least we've managed to escape from those two before they had the chance to drag us into their nonsense," she stated as she signaled to the green gentlecolt behind the counter polishing a glass in his hoof.

The green earth pony made his way over to Rarity with a flirtatious twinkle in his eyes before asking, "Oi, what can I get you two lovely birds tonight?"

"Why, hello there mister... " Rarity trailed off, slightly off put by the stallion's heavy accent.

"Name's Clover, but everyone here calls me Lucky. Maybe you birds can make it a fittin' name, if yah know what I mean." Lucky replied with a toothy grin, seemingly unaware of Rarity's shock giving way to disgust.

"I'll have the strongest drink you've got, Mr. Clover." Rarity blew an aggravated huff out of her nose.

"Aw, c'mon. Don't be like that, lass. Tell you wot, my grandpappy used to make a l'il somethin' he named 'Aunt Roberta.' He always said, 'It'll give you a good time, just like Roberta herself.'" He unabashedly winked at an unamused Rarity.

"I should hope so," grumbled Rarity. As Clover turned to locate the necessary ingredients, she glared holes into the side of his head.

"Ha-ha! I've always wanted to make one of these," Clover mused to himself with his grin undimmed as he turned to Twilight. "And for you, my lavender flower?"

Twilight was distracted by the drinking contest going on behind her. As they say, you can lead a couple ponies to water, but you can't make them drink it, and right now the alcohol-to-water ratio that Applejack and Rainbow Dash are consuming is way beyond safe parameters. Somepony has to make sure those girls don't get into trouble, Twilight ruminated as she watched the two ego-driven mares order an eighth pitcher. It took a few seconds before she registered the fact that she had been addressed. "Huh? Oh, umm… I've never really been into things like this. Do you serve tea?" Twilight replied with uncertainty and a hint of unease in her voice.

"Are ya meanin' the Long Island sort?" Clover asked.

"Is that similar to Earl Grey?" Twilight asked, trying to recall whether or not 'Long Island' tea had been in Princess Celestia's tea cabinet.

"Ha-ha, Sure," replied Clover, as he turned away to get started on their orders.

"I'll take that then. How much is it?" Twilight asked.

"Don't worry yerself none. First drink's always free for pretty birds like yerselves," Clover replied looking over his shoulder.

"We can pay for our own *hiccup* drinks, ya know? We don't need a goon like you to pay for us," Rarity slurred angrily with a hint of her parents' accent insinuating itself into her usual theatrical dialect. Upon noticing her empty glass and levitating it upside-down above her face and squinting inside confusedly. "Gimme another."

Clover turned around with Twilight's drink in hoof. "Y'sure, love? How about I get you something lighter?" he said, setting down the Long Island in front of Twilight.

"Another!" Rarity huffed slamming the glass down in front of herself.

Twilight sighed as she sipped at the strange tasting tea. Great. It looks like the list of ponies I have to babysit just increased. It's going to be a long night.

"Don't say I didn't warn ya love, but I haveta cut you off after this one." Clover sighed as he got to work to appease the mare he was slowly losing patience with.

Twilight quickly gulped down the last of her iced 'tea' while glancing at the white mare sitting impatiently beside her. Her mind started to buzz. Ugh, this had better not be a migraine coming on. Why do I have to be the responsible friend?

"Hey *hiccup* give me another, mister bartender sir," Twilight slightly slurred at the bartender and levitated her now-empty glass in front of his face.

Clover merely rolled his eyes before speaking, "Hold on a second, love. You two gotta pay for these next ones first."

Before he could breathe in next a couple dozen bits flew past his face, a few hitting his chest and dropping on the counter.

"*hiccup* More," Rarity demanded as her glass decided to join Twilight's right in front of Clover's face.

Clover mentally grimaced as his grin turned into a straight line across his muzzle before quietly handing them their drinks. This isn't as bad as last Tuesday. At least these ponies are attempting to pay.

Near the front of the bar a dark orange Pegasus stallion stumbled towards the exit before bumping into a pink blur that appeared in front of him, seemingly eager to make his acquaintance.

"Oof. He-hey there ladies, yo-you know you two look exactly alike? *hiccup* Mind if I buy you a drink?" asked the disoriented pegasus.

"Ha-ha! There's only one of me, silly. *hiccup* What kind of drink is it? Is it hot chocolate? The last pony I met here gave me *hiccup* orange juice and told me its name was 'screwdriver.' Isn't that just hilarious? Oh! Can I name the hot chocolate? How about 'torque wrench?' Or 'ball-peen hammer?'" Pinkie bounced in eager anticipation of the stallion's approval, unaware of his attempt to hit on her.

Unfazed, the stallion once again tried his luck, "Ha-ha. That's a nice voice you have there. *hiccup* How 'bout we blow this joint and go make music back at my place?"

"Say, I like the way you think, new pal o' mine. We need some *hiccup* music! But we can't leave while the party's just getting started, so let's sing right here!" Her eyes lost focus, at which she giggled and snorted. "The rooms all wobbly and bobbly and rolling and waving... Do you know any good sea shanties? Don't *hiccup* worry, I gotcha covered. You just *hiccup* sing along with ol' Cap'n Pinkie Pie." Pinkie grabbed the confused pegasus and jumped on top of the table where Applejack and Rainbow Dash were seated, Applejack slouching precariously to her side and Rainbow with her face flat on the table.

"*hiccup* Ahoy, Applejack! This salty dog says he wants to sing, so let's sing!" Pinkie Pie scooped the half-conscious Applejack up and onto another table top and mercifully left the wholely unconscious Rainbow Dash to her dreamless slumber.

In no time Pinkie managed to convince the two to join her in singing a rousing sea shanty with incoherent lyrics despite their advanced state of inebriation. Soon more and more ponies joined in and before long the whole bar began shuffling around and singing merrily.

Rarity, who had more experience with Pinkie Pie's antics than just about anyone else, had been entirely unfazed by the impromptu musical number until Pinkie sent her two unicorn friends' drinks flying as she slid across the bartender's counter. Rarity let out a shriek of both terror and afront at the alcohol abuse, and Twilight looked upon her broken glass with a feeling of longing that was as profound as any she had ever experienced before.

Rarity groaned in frustration. "What does a lady have to do to get a night to simply bucking enjoy herself?"

"You happen to be in luck, love. If ya need to enjoy yerself I'm the pony to call." Clover winked as he wiped bits of broken glass and alcohol off of his face.

"Thats it. I am not going to stand here and endure this asfss... this afff... this ass-front to my dignity any longer!" Rarity huffed and completely whiffed an attempt to dramatically toss her hair out of her face before turning around and storming out of the bar.

Twilight took a second to process what had just happened as she looked around at the still-jolly scene playing out around her. Most ponies, including Pinkie herself, hadn't been aware of Rarity's outburst. H-huh? Wait, where's Rarity going? She's too drunk to go outside. Gotta be the responsible friend, Twilight, She thought as she followed Rarity's wavering, but still distinctly angry, trot to the door.

Twilight felt a jolt of cold air pass over her as she quickly trotted outside The Golden Horseshoe. She paused her pursuit as the sudden drop in temperature from the bar to the streets caused the Long Islands to hit her system at once. "Hey, Rarity where are we going? *hiccup* Do I still have to pay for my tea?"

The white unicorn turned around and gripped Twilight in an unladylike bear hug while she glanced over at the building behind them in disgust. "*hiccup* Twilight we're- *hiccup* we're leaving this dump. Come. We're going- *hiccup* going to a place beef-umm... befitting us ladies."

"*hiccup* Yay!" was all Twilight's mind could come up with as the two of them began to stumble through the streets in search of a place to wind down. Twilight hoped that there would be more tea.

Whether the drunkenness improved Rarity's sense of direction or the alcohol just blurred their sense of time Twilight could not guess. In what seemed like no time at all the pair stumbled upon a building most wouldn't hesitate to call tacky or even scuzzy.

Author's Note

Man oh man was this one a monumental effort, both in writing and in editing from what I've been told by my editor. (I royally screwed up when it came to writing drunken pony dialog.)

Anyways, did you know that lotus juice recently put out a new album? It slaps, ngl. I've also been listening to soul'd out a lot too recently. I was planning on naming the first bar that, but decided against it.

Also, Aunt Roberta is a real cocktail and one of the strongest ones I've ever had. A couple of those bad things and I don't remember what happened the night before. Sadly, pan galactic gargle blaster doesn't exist as it was pulled from the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. (You should read it.)

I've been preoccupied with the persona series recently and decided to dust off and rewrite my Aigis x Kawakami crack fic I never finished from years ago as a palette cleaner while I waited for this chapter to be edited. (I might post it on Ao3 during my free time.) However, as soon as this chapter gets posted I'm going to start writing the next one. So the next one is going to be out within this same amount of time.

Pina coladas and dancing in the rain

"Darling, isn’t-hic isn't this building just lovely? The colors! They're so… colorful." Rarity slurred as she gestured towards the tacky building that stood in front of them. "An-hic and the flashing of that sign is astutuh… uh, assta... clever advertising."

"I think it’s just, uh... it just needs to be fixed, Rarity. H-hey look! Those doors look just like me. Haha." Twilight replied, with a small fit of laughter as she looked over the rest of the building.

"Twi-hic, darling, that's periwinkle, you're lavender."

"I'm, uh, not Periwinkle, Rarity. She lives on Maple Way," Twilight said. “Wow, you really are inebruhh… drunk.”

Rarity returned a lazy version of her idiomatic pout, “No, the door… the door is periwinkle. I said-hic you’re lavender.”

“I’m not a bush either, Rarity. At least I don’t think I am,” Twilight said, taking a second to double check the statement as she looked down towards her forehooves.

Rarity bemusedly shook her head as she made her way to the set of doors, which she was pretty sure were not the same color as her friend.

“Nope, not a bush,” Twilight smiled before she noticed Rarity ambling away from her. "Hey, wait fo- wait for me. I don't want you to get lost."

As the two opened the door they were met with an almost empty bar, save for a little over half a dozen mares. Some were more conscious than others, Twilight noted as she glanced over a blue unicorn who sat passed out across from two mares who were either fighting or making out. It was hard to tell which from the front door, and Twilight preferred not to find out.

"H-hey, Rarity, do they also have tea here?" Twilight confusedly asked as they trotted towards the zebra-striped bar and its dusky-coated bartender, bumping into a couple chairs that had somehow stepped out in front of them.

"Darling, don't-hic don't you know how to relax? Here, allow me to order some-hic-thing for you." Rarity replied, as she drunkenly waved her forehoof around in an attempt to call over the bartender who was already directly in front of them.

Seated at the next stool down, a magenta mare babbled at the bartender’s backside, "And you wouldn't hic-believe how embarrassing it was after that whole 'love potion' disaster when everypony and their, um, when everypony and their mother was talking about it, and I have to talk to all the mothers." She rolled her eyes in exasperation which only made her look more woozy.

The mare behind the counter let her ramble and attended to the newcomers. She levitated a now-refreshed glass over to the talkative patron and addressed Rarity and Twilight, "My, my, you two look like you have had an exciting evening already. What can I get you?"

"Twilight are you-hic a lightweight or heavyweight?" Rarity asked her friend who was having trouble getting her own butt seated properly on her bar stool.

"Oh, so I’m Twilight now? I thought you said I was lavender." Twilight snarked feeling very clever both for her joke at Rarity’s expense and for her own conquest of the bar stool.

The drunken mare who had been content with babbling in the general direction of the bartender a few seconds before turned her attention to Twilight’s curious statement. "Your friend thinks you're a bush? You’re hic-not, are you?" she asked with a sloppy grin.

"No, I al-hic I already confirmed that I am not," Twilight nodded, certain of the conclusiveness of her findings. With a giggle she added, “She’s just a little” she drew out the word for comic effect, “drunk right now. You know she thought the door was a periwinkle?”

"Isn't the door made of wood? Can hic-trees be flowers?" Twilight’s new friend asked, oblivious to Rarity’s increasing impatience.

"Uhh, can they? Lemme ask my friend. Hey, Rarity, are, uh... can trees be flowers?" Twilight leaned in too close to the white unicorn and whispered the last part.

"Trees? No darling, can you hold your li-hic can you hold your liquor?" Rarity whispered back.

"Nope!” she said with an emphatic rap on the bar. The motion caused her to slip half-way off of her stool again, but, luckily, her diminished reflexes were still quick enough to keep her from face-planting. Unfortunately, for Rarity, Twilight had to use Rarity’s shoulder to brace herself “No drinking for me. I have to make sure you get home safely. Do, uh… do they have tea here, Rarity? They had tea at that other place. You should see if they have tea. Ask-hic ask her for green tea." Twilight slurred as she finally managed to get firmly re-seated between her friend and her new acquaintance.

"Shhh,” Rarity whispered as she brought a poorly-aimed hoof towards her lips in an attempt to mimic a shushing motion. “Twilight, you’re making us look like, uh... like tourists. I don't hic-think this sort of place sells tea." Forgetting her attempt at subtlety, she turned to the bartender and asked, “You don’t do you?”

"How about I surprise you girls with this week's special? It's half-off," asked the bartender, displaying her well-practiced skill for managing the intoxicated.

Twilight leaned over the marble bar and out of Rarity’s personal space. "Special? Can I have that too? Is the special tea? Is it the island kind? Say, do you know Miss uh..." Twilight trailed off both waiting for a response and wondering whether or not she herself had actually finished saying what she was trying to say.

"Call me Cheeri-hic Cheerilee. Who are you?"

"I'm Twilight. I’m pretty sure. And this is Rarity." Twilight replied, causing Rarity to give a small wave of acknowledgment towards Cheerilee before turning to answer the bartender's inquiry.

"I guess it's up to me to order for the two,” Rarity paused to glance at the two mares beside her. "...or rather three of us. We'll have-hic we'll order whatever that special whatsit you mentioned was. I'll also cover our new aqua- acquain… friend’s order as well."

"Are you sure, honey? You don't have to feel obligated to buy another mare's drink, especially if you're already here with somepony else," the bartender asked. Not waiting for an answer, she began mixing their drinks.

"It's quite alright. A... true-hic lady must always be generous, especially with the liquor as I’m sure you know." Rarity giggled at her own bon mot whilewatching the mare work her magic behind the bar.

Bottles coated in an orange magical aura floated from the shelves. A bottle of rum uncapped itself and sent a measure of the sweet booze from therein upward into the air where it mixed with a stream of coconut cream and a splash of lime juice as well as sliced pieces of frozen pineapple. Then, shaved ice flew from a refrigerator hidden beneath the striped marble counter to join the congealed weightless blob of cocktail-to-be. Before Rarity could blink, a trio of cocktail shakers materialized in place of the ingredients and began to shake and rotate in a circle as if they were dancing together to inaudible music. About half-way through the dance the aura shifted from orange to an icy blue, and the shakers slowly came to a stop. Finally, they poured their contents into the glasses sitting on the bar, filling them each with what looked to be a yellow smoothie. Rarity was visibly impressed.

"The classic piña colada smoothie—one of my personal favorite drinks. I hope you enjoy these," the bartender stated, as she slid the drinks to the trio.

Rarity bounced in her seat and clapped her forehooves. "Oh, that was simply brilliant, darling, the, uh… the way everything seemed to dance and-and shake! Twilight, did you see that?" Rarity tried to get her friend’s attention with a rapid series of jabs that she had intended to be gentle nudges.

"Nuh, I'm certain that certain trees… certainly can be made into tea -ngah!" The drunken ramblings of a school teacher and a plant who believed that it was a unicorn came to a sudden stop as a perfectly pedicured white forehoof almost poked one of its eyes out.

"Twilight, wha-what happened?" asked Cheerilee as she first looked over the mare in question and then studied Rarity who was bouncing in her seat like an excited foal, a sight with which Cheerilee was uncomfortably familiar.

"I don't… I don't know. Rarity, did you see what happened to my eye?" Twilight asked while holding a fetlock over half her face.

"Twilight! Twilight, did you see the drinks fly around… around and dancing?" Rarity asked, not noticing her friend nursing her eye.

"Rarity, I’m nuh-hic… I’m not seeing a lot right now. And the drinks aren't dancing. They are… they're right here." Twilight slurred, pointing a hoof at the three drinks on the counter directly in front of them.

"No, they were telephon… uh, they were magic." Rarity replied, stumbling through her words.

"They don't look like, um... like they’re magic, they loo-hic like regular old smoothies," Cheerilee stated, as she put her face right over her drink, eyeing it as critically as a drunk mare can.

Twilight slurred at her new acquaintance, "Oh, do you… y'know who has good smoothies, Cheerilee? There's… There's this really, really good restaurant... No, a bakery? No… guhh! I forget what it is, but they sell really good smoothies there."

"Oh, never mind. Just forget it." Rarity huffed as she irritably stared at the glass in front of her.

"Cheer up, gorgeous. At least you got to see the show," the bartender stated as she began to polish one of the shakers that was held aloft in her magic. "It seems your friend over there is enjoying herself. Any particular reason why you aren't?"

"Most ponies don't appreciate the finer things in life. This whole… this whole night has been a disaster. First, I met this dreadful..." Rarity wrapped her lips around the rim of her cocktail glass and sipped. The sipping turned to leisurely nursing. In short order, the glass was half-empty. "They just don't get me, you know?" The white unicorn finished, unaware that she had not actually been saying what she was thinking while she had been drinking.

The orange-maned unicorn nodded in feigned understanding as her gaze wandered towards the back of the room where the mint unicorn and the tan earth pony were still bludgeoning each other with their tongues. She silently weighed the pros and cons of tossing the pair out, since the only things that they seemed to not want to put in their mouths were their drinks. Rarity reacquired her attention by leaning to the side and blocking the bartender’s view of the amorous couple. “You understand, don’t you? Wanting to be in-hic the company of ponies with just a touch of class,” Rarity pleaded, her ‘s’s sounding almost like ‘f’s.

Meanwhile, a bar stool away, Cheerilee had gotten off on a tangent. “So, I said to Colgate, ‘Doughnuts for breakfast? You’re nu-hic nuttier than a squirrel.’” She sputtered a laugh at the memory.

“Uh, whoa-whoa-whoa,” Twilight said with a bit too much volume, and she waved her forelegs in front of her face while shaking her head. Her display drew Rarity’s attention away from the bartender. “Doughnuts are the be-hic best breakfast. They go with the coffee,” Twilight declared emphatically.

With Rarity distracted, the bartender could again see Bon Bon and Lyra at their table, or rather she could see Bon Bon seated at the table and Lyra slipping under it. The bartender telekinetically slammed the shaker that she had been cleaning on the bar, giving Rarity a start. “There will be none of that in my bar. You two beat it,” she yelled across the room. “And take Sleeping Beauty with you.” She nodded at Colgate who was just starting to drool.

“But it’s our anniversary,” Bon Bon pleaded. Lyra poked her head up from under the table.

The bartender glared. “Isn’t it about time to move the celebration to your hotel room?”

Lyra looked blearily up at Bon Bon from between her hind legs. “That actually sounds like a really good idea, babe. Come o-ow!” She clunked the back of her head into the table in her hurry.

As Lyra scrambled out from under the table, a pony leg thumping painfully against a table leg, Bon Bon pouted in her seat. “But we can’t get kicked out before Colgate does. She’ll never let us live it down.”

Lyra stumbled free of the table and stood lightly favoring her left hind leg. “Look,” she said indicating the sleeping Colgate. “She’s not even going to remember tonight.”

“I’ll tell her,” Cheerilee called from the bar with a laugh.

Bon Bon rose to her hooves and rolled her eyes. “Great. What are the chances that Cheerilee will forget tonight, too?”

Lyra did not respond. She was too busy trying to get her magic to work through the effects of the weird drink that she had earlier. With some squinting and grunting, her horn finally ignited, and the slumbering Colgate floated into the air in a mint-colored magical aura. She only got a foot off the chair before Lyra’s magic flickered and vanished, dropping her onto the table. Colgate just snored an inarticulate grumble in response.

“Oh le-hic leave the poor thing be, you ruffians,” Rarity scolded. She turned to the bartender with a dopey parody of her weaponized cutsey pout on her face. “You do have a pla-hic a place where a lady who has over induluh… had too much to drink can rest and recover, don’t you?”

The bartender narrowed her eyes at Rarity. “This isn’t a hotel, darlin’.”

Striking a dramatic pose that almost toppled her from her bar stool, Rarity announced, “Than I, as a prowa… as a proper lady, shall put her up in my Sweetie- um, suite at the castle tonight.”

“Are you sure about this,” the bartender said with a skeptical eye. “You don’t even know her.”

“Abfla- absolutely,” Rarity said with an emphatic nod.

“Is that alright with you two?” she asked Lyra and Bon Bon.

Lyra leaned over to talk into Bon Bon’s ear. “Well, I can’t carry her, and you look like you can hardly walk straight.”

Bon Bon replied with a teasing grin and a playful hip check, “That’s not because of the booze. But Cheerilee’s with them anyway. She’ll be fine.” She called to Rarity and the bartender, “Yeah, that’s alright.”

“’Preciate it, Miss,” Lyra smiled and sidled up to Bon Bon, the pair giggling and jostling on their way out.

The bartender set down the shaker and her dish cloth and sighed. She slipped out from behind the bar and over to the table over which Colgate was sprawled. “I really have to stop doing favors for pretty little things,” she said as she carried the sleeping unicorn to a little alcove at the back of the bar which led to a cozy office with a decorative white couch in it that could be used in a pinch as a place to nap. At the bar, Rarity basked in the satisfaction of having done a good deed.

Cheerilee watched Bon Bon and Lyra walk and limp respectively out the front door. As it closed, she became aware that, through all that, Twilight had not stopped talking at her about doughnuts.

"...and that's why doughnuts shouldn't be classifcal-uh… called desserts," Twilight boldly stated with a wobbly nod of approval.

Cheerilee felt a twinge of competitiveness at Twilight’s smug gesture. "Oh, what does a flowery bush know about dessert?” She slurred, “You probably hic-have compost or something-" Cheerilee was interrupted as both mares' stomachs let out a rumble of hunger. "You know what? I'm going to get some doughnuts right now. For dessert. Want to see how it’s done?”

Twilight sputtered a too-wet scoff. "Fine. You have your doughnut for desert before midnight, and I’ll-hic have my doughnut for breakfast after midnight, and we’ll see who the doughnut mistruff-uh… mistersuh… the doughnut commander is," Twilight said as the two began trotting towards the door. Twilight, lifting a foreleg to nurse her sore eye, leaned against Cheerilee in an attempt to keep steady.

"Oh my, what a delicate lady you are, Miss Lavender," Cheerilee sarcastically remarked as she exaggeratedly made her way to hold the door open in order to drive the joke home.

Twilight blushed in embarrassment. "I guess that makes you a, um... gentlecolt for holding the door for me, miss, uh… Miss Cherry Tree. Uh, yeah." Twilight replied, struggling to come up with a plant based pun for her new friend. She stepped through the doorway, and Cheerilee followed.

Rarity watched them leave with a bewildered look on her drunken face. “Wha? Twilight, you’re leaving? But…” Her bleary eyes struggled to stay open.

The bartender sighed and began cleaning the shaker again. “You know, sugar, I think you may be right. Ponies could use some class. Walking out on your date with another another girl—that’s just bad manners.”

“Bad manners,” Rarity echoed loudly. In a gesture of profound agreement, she pounded the rest of her drink and carelessly laid the empty glass on the bar.

“And those two love birds had not respect for a pony’s place of work.” She put the shaker away and began cleaning Rarity’s glass with a cloth.

“No respect!” Rarity cheered and reached for her glass only to find it gone. “That’s funny. I could... I, um.” Her eyes rolled up and then closed. “Goodnight, Sweetie Belle,” she mumbled before collapsing onto the bar, immediately sawing logs.

The bartender smirked at Rarity. Her tired eyes glanced at the back of the room where Colgate was sleeping. She looked back at Rarity who snored away with a look of quiet contentment on her face. She finished with the cocktail glass and hung it in its place before walking out from behind the bar. With the orange magic that Rarity had admired earlier, she lifted her slumbering patron off of her bar stool and levitated her to her office. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“So… do you know where to find donuts in this city?” asked Cheerilee as the two of them walked in a random direction that the earth pony had thought looked promising.

“Huh? I… I thought you had some at your home,” Twilight replied, stumbling her way down the street next to the older mare.

“I haven’t been here since, uh… a long time ago. What was that place called? Doughnut Jones? It… it should be somewhere around here,” replied Cheerilee as she made her own shaky attempts at walking, almost stumbling over a missing brick in the sidewalk in the process.

“Jones? Oh, you mean Joe's! I love that place, I remember my big brother taking me there all the time when I was a filly. It's just down the street from my parents' old place,” exclaimed the purple unicorn as she began prancing around her new acquaintance with about as much excitement and coordination as a foal.

“Yeah, that one! It had that big pink doughnut-shaped sign out in front, right? We used to eat there a lot because of how cheap it was compared to other places in town.” Cheerilee added as she continued after Twilight down another random street and into the night.

After several detours and about a half-hour wandering about town, the pair managed to find themselves in front of the aforementioned doughnut shop, a two-storied cafe sporting a simple pink stucco and brown brick aesthetic. It was located just off of the thoroughfares leading toward Canterlot Castle in the distance and half a block from Crowned Avenue with its middle-class town houses. As the pair happily stumbled towards the entrance they failed to realize the lack of interior lighting in the building, nor did they see the flip sign hanging upon the doors’ glass window announcing that it had closed for the night.

Cheerilee face planted into the glass door with a thud. “Oof- H-hey, why isn’t this door opening?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s one of those doors that open the other way. Here, lemme try.” Twilight replied as a mulberry aura wrapped itself around the door handle. “Huh? Why isn't it opening?” asked Twilight as the door refused to budge a second time.

“Hey, Miss, uh… Lavender, I think it’s closed,” Cheerilee stated as she stood back up and took a step back in front of the entrance.

“What? Oh horse appl-*SNAP*” As Twilight processed what Cheerilee had just told her, she gave the door handle one last tug with her magical aura which caused it to break off and fly straight into Cheerilee's forehead. Reeling, she fell backwards onto Twilight, her styrofoam takeout container cracking with a loud pop inside her saddlebags. Twilight panicked upon seeing the sticky, red-colored filling of Cheerilee's hours-old cherry chimichanga that had just coated the two mares. “Oh no, Cherry Tree! You’re bleeding!” She danced frantically on the tips of her hooves. “Dear Celestia, what-do-I-do, what-do-I-do? I think she’s dead! This is bad. If anypony finds out about this, I’ll be tried for murder… and vandalism! Oh, my perfect record will be ruined!”

In the midst of her terrified shouts, the voice of an older stallion rang out from above her. “Oi! It's three in the morning. Store’s closed, go home before I call the guard!”

Looking up, Twilight’s eyes went wide at the tired store pony who hung haphazardly half-way out of the second floor apartment above his store while he continued to grumble inaudibly.

“Ow. My head hurts. Wait, why am I covered in food?” Cheerilee asked. She looked about, trying to get her bearings as she lay in front her new acquaintance before she pieced the situation together. “Hey, Lavender look, I’m fine. See?” Cheerilee assured the Twilight, rising to her hooves in the process. Her legs were a bit wobbly and her eyes a bit bleary, but she was unhurt.

Twilight was lost in her apocalyptic vision. “...and then my friends will abandon me, and the princess will banish me to the moon. As neat as it would be to see the Oceanus Procellarum up close, I don't wanna become another Mare in the Moon!”

“Hey! Look at me!” Cheerilee shouted as she lightly jostled Twilight with her forehooves, grabbing her attention as well as her shoulders. Cheerilee’s stained coat met Twilight's clean coat, smearing the cherry sauce over both of them. “It’s just some leftovers from something I had earlier.”

“Thank Celestia,” Twilight exclaimed as she sprung forward, enveloping Cheerilee in a surprised bear hug. “I th- thought that I killed you!”

“That’s it! I’m giving you drunks until the time I get down there to get outta here, or I’ll make you two quiet down with my own hooves,” shouted the sales pony as he disappeared back within the window he had been hanging out of.

“Oof, hey… hey, did you just hear that pony?” Cheerilee wheezed as she tried to wriggle her way out of Twilight's grasp. “We’ve got to, uh… we have to go. I don’t want to wake up in jail again,” Cheerilee finished as she pried herself free.

“But I thought we were supposed to… we were going to get doughnuts. We’re still getting doughnuts, right?” asked Twilight, confused at the sudden change of plans.

“We can come back tomorrow. W-we should go, I'm gonna go home before that pony gets over, uh... gets down here.” Cheerilee stated while she began to pick herself up and walk away as the interior of the store floor lit up.

“Hey, uh… Cherry Tree? I’m pretty sure home is this way,” Twilight said as she vaguely pointed up the street with a wobbly foreleg. She stumbled up from the brick sidewalk in front of Doughnut Joe’s and led Cheerilee on.

Author's Note

A lot of things have happened since last chapter, and I've been delaying in uploading the chapter due to it. Most of it is due to my own laziness, this chapter has been sitting almost finished for months due to me not liking how the final scene was written and I've tried rewriting it several times before giving up and coming back months later. drunken ponies are hard to write and I'm glad I won't be doing that in the upcoming chapters. I'm currently 1/4th the way done with the next, so don't worry about a long wait in between updates again.

B side; track 1

Shining Armor cast his bored gaze around the office at the castle. Its every surface was tinged orange by the rays of the afternoon sun, but the lustrous glow of sunlight on flawless white marble had long ago gone dull and sterile to his eyes. The room had recently been emptied of all of its occupants save three: his newly wedded wife, a yellow pegasus acquaintance of his sister’s, and Shining Armor himself. Although he had finished much earlier in the day, he had elected to stay behind with Cadance to help her where he could in filling out the eroding stack of paper that sat in front of her.

“You know, dear, I can handle a bit of paperwork on my own. It’s not like it’s going to transform into a rampaging stationary monster and gobble me up if you’re not here.” Cadance rolled her tired eyes for humorous effect. “The worst that’ll probably happen is that I get a paper cut.”

“I know you can take care of yourself, honey. It’s just…” Shining Armor stood and began to pace around the room, his face tense with contemplation. “It’s just that, if something does happen, I want to be there for you. Just in case.” Shining gazed out of a nearby window at the garden below, avoiding the judgmental look from his bride that he expected her to be wearing.

“Shining,” she said to the back of his head, “I didn’t marry you because I wanted you to protect me like some helpless damsel. I married you, because I love you. If any other completely crazy, out-of-this-world stuff happens in the future, whether it be to you or to me, we can handle it together. Isn’t that what our relationship is about?” Cadance’s quill, glowing in a magical grip that had been dimmed by the long hours of drudgery in which it had served, floated back to the desk in front of her as she stood to face her husband. “Besides, we can both rely on Twilight and her friends around to help us if we can’t figure something out on our own. Isn’t that right, Fluttershy?”

Startled by her sudden inclusion in a social encounter, the yellow pegasus let out a small “eep” from her desk which sat beside the window that Shining was staring out of. The mind-numbing fog of the clerical work that had held her full attention evaporated. Her heavy eyes darted from side to side as she tried to determine what the expected response to Cadance’s question was.

Without recognizing Fluttershy’s plight, Shining Armor came to her rescue. “I suppose that’s true. Hey, speaking of Twilight, how’s my li’l sis doing these days? Aside from our wedding, she hasn’t visited mom and dad or me since she left. Does she still spend her every waking minute with her nose in a book?” Shining Armor directed the question at Fluttershy. A grin played at the corner of his mouth as he recalled his little sister as a foal walking headlong into an ottoman, because her vision had been obscured behind an open copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

“Well, um... no. That is, not really. She has us, her friends, now. Oh, and recently she has been helping me to take care of Mr. Bear. He’s a bear, you know, so it’s kind of hard for him to find the right food for his diet while he can’t walk. He got hurt, you see, and some of the things that he eats just can’t be found in Ponyville. And- oh, no. I’m sorry for going on about my own troubles when all you wanted to know about was your sister- Oh…” Fluttershy slid down her chair and allowed her mane to fall in front of her face. “I can be such a loudmouth sometimes.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s nice to hear that Twily’s been doing stuff besides just reading about other ponies doing things.” Shining leaned against the wall and half-smiled. The sun light pouring in through the tall arched window illuminated the side of his white-coated face that seemed inclined to smile. “I used to worry about her locking herself in a room with a pile of books, like she was spending so much time inside her own head that the world would just eat her up as soon as she stepped out into it.” The shadowed side of his mouth twitched upward into a grin that didn’t reach his eyes. “I guess I was worried over nothing, huh? She ended up saving me…” He bit off the rest of the sentence.

With a sudden levity that he did not feel, Shining stood away from the wall and into the direct sun light. “But, as her older brother, what I was hoping to hear was some good dirt—you know, something a loving older brother like myself could tease her about later.” At a look of rebuke from his wife, he pleaded, “Hey, I have a solemn duty to needle her at every opportunity.” He leaned over Fluttershy’s desk and gave her a conspiratorial smirk. “Does she have a boyfriend? Has she busted out the Twily Shuffle at any parties?” Cadance involuntarily snerked but quickly forced her expression back to a frown of disapproval.

Fluttershy’s wings reflexively fluffed, and she relaxed in her seat as she would often do when the door to Ponyville Day Spa’s steam room closed leaving her alone with a certain other prying white unicorn. A thin-lipped grin threatened to climb up her cheeks. “Aside from the girls and me, Twilight does not really have any other ponies she hangs out with, so I don’t think she has had any boyfriends. And aside from what happened with Smarty Pants, I don’t know anything too embarrassing about her.”

“Twily’s doll?” Shining’s eyes went wide. “She still has that? I could’ve sworn she had gotten rid of it when she was a filly. Anyway, what happened with her and her doll?”

Cadance huffed. “Come on, dear, don’t you think that it’s a little mean to be gossiping about your sister behind her back? I honestly don’t think I’ll ever understand how you two can love each other one moment but be at each others throats the next.” Cadance declared as she made a show of returning to her paperwork.

“Um, aren’t all brothers like that? I really don’t mean to be rude, but my little brother and I were always looking for ways to embarrass each other when we were growing up. I don’t think Shining Armor means any harm by it. It’s just what brothers and sisters do. Right, Shining?” Fluttershy’s certainty waned, and she awaited validation with bated breath.

“You’re an eldest?” Shining asked with a side-long glance.

Fluttershy nodded. Memories of pranks and teasing that she and her brother had directed at one another while growing up brought a smile to her face, though she continued to hide part of it behind her mane.

“Ahhh…” Shining offered Fluttershy the most genuine smile that he had worn all day as he presented a forehoof to her. “Don’t leave me hanging.”

She responded with a giggle and a hoofbump.

“Eldest rule,” Shining said softly to Fluttershy as if he were surreptitiously performing the top-secret Eldest Club greeting.

“Eldest rule,” Fluttershy returned with a decisive tone in her quiet voice.

“It’s just not something that an only child would understand,” Shining said to his wife with a sage shake of the head, earning him another eye roll from Cadance. Turning back to Fluttershy he asked with barely contained excitement, “So, what did she do with her doll?”

The dark princess shrouded the balcony of the castle's tallest tower in sunless shadow as she studied the inky cosmic void that was forming above the waning orange and pink hues on the horizon. The lights and clatter of the city beneath her did not rise above white noise at her altitude. Her eyes swung from point to point across the evening sky, lingering for just a fleeting moment at each stop. Wherever her gaze fell a star blinked into life. Within minutes the once-empty heavens became a twinkling tapestry of constellations. After allowing herself a moment to appraise her work, she closed her eyes and lowered her head to call forth the last and greatest of her charges. Her wings unfurled, catching wisps of shadow with their crests, and her horn began to glow with a silvery-blue light. Silent seconds later, at her command the lonely, pale orb that had for centuries been her prison crept up the horizon and perched itself at the zenith of the night sky. Her nightly duties at an end, Luna began scanning each star and constellation in the sky for flaws. Her eyes studiously avoided its most prominent resident. Satisfied with her work she let out a small sigh and turned to the balcony's entrance, but she stopped short at the appearance of her sunny counterpart waiting beside it and watching her with a mischievous grin upon her face.

Celestia strutted up to her sister, shadows retreating at her every step, and made a show of giving the sky above a once-over of her own. “I think you missed a spot. The night doesn’t seem quite as bright as it once was,” she commented with a hint of amusement both in her voice and at the corner of her eyes.

“Nay, I am most certain ‘tis not so. With great care have I studied the chart of the new constellations and stars that thou didst provide.” Doubt crossed her face, and she glanced skyward. “Pray tell, hath one of the Wonderbolts eluded mine memory again?” Luna asked as she began to retrace the stars.

A mighty wing with a warmth like home pulled Luna away from her task and into Celestia's soft embrace. “Perhaps I am the one who is misremembering. Ever since you’ve been gone, no matter how many more stars and constellations I added to your sky, it has always felt dimmer, emptier,” Celestia finished in a whisper as she looked up at the moon. A silent tear traced a well-traveled line down her cheek.

Luna unpinned the wing that was pressed between them and draped it over Celestia’s back. The shared warmth comforted both. “Dry thy tears, dear sister. The hour hath struck upon thy lonesome vigil, and we are as one again.”

Celestia took a second to wipe the tear away with the pinions of her free wing while silently apologizing to her lady in waiting who would have to preen her later. She allowed her head to rest atop Luna’s. “You are here,” she breathed as a faint whisper. “You are here, and I am overjoyed. Yet still, I miss the nights at the old castle when I could hear your laughter echo down the halls as you shared some bawdry tale with the kitchen knaves. Though I didn’t much appreciate it at the time, I miss being awakened out bed by the noise of some raucous celebration that you were hosting. Yes, indeed,” she added at Luna’s skeptical glare. “I even miss the mischief that you would get up to with the scullery maids. I miss when you were a star that shined for all the world and not just for me.”

“Alack, naught is as ‘twas save I. This new peerage finds little humor in mine jests, and these commoners are wont to meekly cower before me. I fear that, in whatever company I may find myself, mine manner shall be reckoned that of a barbarian. I fear-” The sentence caught in her throat, and her wing flexed around her sister. “I fear to commune with any save thyself. Ne’er before have I felt thus.” Luna finished in a whisper as she gazed upon the moon directly for the first time since she had returned.

“Luna, this fear will only be with you until you conquer it. I will be here for you should anything happen. Just promise me that you will let me know what you are feeling this time,” Celestia said, returning Luna’s squeeze.

“Easily do I so swear,” Luna replied with a dismissive shake of her head. “The path to ruin doth now appear most familiar to mine eyes, and well guarded am I against its perils.” Her eyes found a dark patch of the sky which she had favored with few stars. “‘Tis the unfamiliar which now vexes me. Verily, I know not how to begin to approach the ponies of this age.”

“You begin, dear sister, by putting one hoof in front of the other. A first step not taken is always a false step.” Celestia withdrew her wing in signal that it was time for Luna to begin her quest. Luna furled her wing as well, and the night air upon Celestia’s back gave her a shiver.

Luna bit back a mirthful giggle, which Celestia was quick to notice. “Is there something funny about what I said?”

Luna’s barrel trembled with suppressed laughter. “To hear the low vulgate of this age upon thy tongue as thou wouldst dispense thy profundities is delightfully absurd.”

Celestia narrowed her eyes and favored her sister with a thin-lipped smirk. “It is a skill, Luna, which you would do well to cultivate.”

Luna’s silent chuckle stopped, and she blinked, rolling the thought over in her head.

Celestia continued her lesson, “Speak with those whom you already know such as my student and her friends. Surely they will not shy away from you, and, even if they do, do not let it upset you. Simply try again with others. Keep in mind that the castle's staff are as anxious and uncertain of you as you are of them. I am sure that you will find somepony among them to make friends with, just as you did long ago.” Celestia let out a slight yawn and began to move away from Luna. “It has been a long day for me, and your night has just begun. If you’ll excuse me, I'll be off to my rest. Good night, Luna.”

“Until the morrow, sister,” Luna replied as she watched Celestia disappear down the tower’s spiral staircase. When Celestia was out of sight, Luna spread her wings and took flight, keen to put her sister's advice into practice.

Shadow cloaked her flight, making her appear as a hole in the starry sky. She searched the palace below for places where her sister’s student and her friends might be laboring over great stacks of papers and spotted a window in the west wing behind which a figure moved in the interior lamplight. Luna began to descend but balked at the open arched window. In her own time, unicorns had tended to be disturbed when fliers entered a room through the window. This was not her time, she rationalized, eager as she was to get on with her adventure. She swooped down through the window and into what proved to be a spacious and opulent drawing room. Shadows flowed in around her looking like a great wispy specter.

The lone chambermaid who had been in the room shrieked and bolted, escaping into the hall before her feather duster hit the ground. Luna sighed and rolled her eyes. It seemed some matters of decorum had remained unchanged.

Luna trotted into the hall after the maid and, not knowing which way she had gone nor where her own quarry might be found, turned west to head further into the wing, the hope of rekindling the companionship and liveliness that she had enjoyed in the distant past driving her on. As she made her way along the long hall which intersected the numerous corridors of her still-unfamiliar new home, she noticed that they were all silent and devoid of occupants save for the occasional member of the household staff who seemed so engrossed in their nightly duties that Luna decided that it would be terribly inconsiderate to waylay them.

After walking on a ways her patience began to wane, and she slowed to a walk before coming to a complete stop behind a porcelain-colored unicorn mare with a black mane tied into a messy bun who was occupied with reorganizing a bookcase that sat along the wall across from a corridor that led to several guest bedrooms. Luna stood a few feet behind the unaware maid weighing the risks of attempting to engage her in small talk. ‘’T’would be poor formfor the lady of the manor to call awayone who labors upon her behalf for naught but idle chatter. Is there a proper subject by which I might engage her? Commenting upon her work may be mistaken for scolding. Mayhaps I might inquire after her cutie mark? Aye, that seems agoodlycours-’ her thoughts were interrupted as she felt something bump into her. Luna looked down at the mare who was now tangled in between her forelegs and quite frozen in surprise.

Thinking quickly, Luna blurted out the first thing that came to her mind, “Good eve, maid. Thou hath tarried long upon yon bookcase. Might that be thine special talent?” She regretted her words as soon they left her mouth.

The maid's expression shifted from surprise to horror as she scrambled to her hooves, being mindful to not bruise the royal legs and thus further cement the end of her career. “I’m s-sorry if I was taking too long, Your Highness. It’s just that today is my first day and, um... I-I noticed the dictionaries on this bookcase weren’t in order while I was dusting it, and I decided to reorganize them. Please don’t send me away, Your Highness. I can’t go back to the travel industry,” the maid pleaded as she dropped to her front knees before Luna.

With a small sigh, Luna tried to remedy her own mistake as best she could. “Fear not, for We had intended no rebuke. Rather, ‘tis We who should apologize for afflicting thee so when Our purpose had been only to praise thy diligence. Arise… Prithee, what is thy name?”

“Turn Down, Your Majesty,” the maid said as she rose to her full height which was just above Luna’s shoulders. Her shaking abated, but she continued to breathe heavily though her nose as she came down from her earlier scare.

“Thy…” Luna began but just as soon recalled her sister’s words: It is a skill, Luna, which you would do well to cultivate. “...Your,” she pronounced the word while feeling it upon her tongue, “efforts are most satisfactory, Turn Down. That... you recognized that the books were out of place is a testament to your quality. ‘Tis said, ‘Eyes that look are common, but eyes that see are rare.’”

A warm blush spread across Turn Down’s face, and she bowed her head in part to hide the irrepressible grin that spread across her face at the praise coming from the princess. “You are too kind, Your Highness. I was just doing my job. It’s hardly worthy of your attention.”

“Poppycock. She is a poor mistress who permits the good efforts of her servants to pass without remark,” Luna spoke with ease for the first time during their conversation, feeling quite satisfied with the rosy glow that the maid now wore. “Turn Down, might We impose upon you further? We are afraid that We find ourselves quite lost in this palace and want for some guidance.”

“Of-of course, Princess.” With nervous excitement, Turn Down curtsied and awaited Luna’s instruction.

“...and then, from what I remember, Princess Celestia fixed the whole problem. Twilight and her doll were the talk of the town for at least two weeks. The other girls teased her about it for much longer than that,” Fluttershy finished as she scribbled Angel Bunny’s social security number onto the last of her paperwork.

“Dear Celestia, that was a good one. Next time I see my li’l sis I am so bringing this up.'' Shining laughed, stamping his hoof in the process.

As his laughter died down, a creak from the tall oaken door at the front of the room announced the arrival of Princess Luna. She stopped to thank a member of the staff for guiding her before throwing open the door and walking inside.

“Good eve, dear subjects. Our sister hath counseled Us to call upon Our redeemers and… to whence hath everypony fled?” Luna asked, finding only one of their number in the room.

“Oh, Your Highness! What brings you here at this hour?” Shining asked, surprised at the lunar monarch's sudden appearance but, out of habit, immediately settling into his familiar role as the captain of the guard. His hooves clicked on the marble floor as he stood to attention. The other two mares in the room stopped what they were doing and rose from their desks to perform an impromptu curtsy.

Sensing the abrupt change in atmosphere Luna approached Shining Armor as he finished his question and thought of the best way to engage with the trio in an informal manner. Her thoughts were interrupted when a low grumble rang out from Shining’s stomach giving her the perfect opportunity.

“You have,” Luna mouthed in an awkward manner that caught Shining’s attention. “not yet taken mess, Captain? We had come here to extend Our gratitude to the ponies who did serve in the defense of Canterlot not yet a fortnight past and perhaps to share their company, but ‘twould seem that nary a one is to be found save th-you three who are now before Us,” Luna began. She paused to take a clearer look at the ponies before her. “’Tis of no great import. As your bellies do protest mightily, ‘twould not do to await your fellows any longer. We would ask that you sup with Us tonight. Indeed, We insist,” Luna said with a magnanimous, narrow smile. The trio before her had relaxed their postures by the time that she had finished speaking.

“Uh, are you sure you want to eat with us, Princess?” Shining asked, uncertain if he had heard her correctly due to her archaic manner of speaking.

“I think that sounds very nice, Nightmare Moon- oh!” Fluttershy covered her mouth with her forehoof. “I mean Princess Luna. I’m sorry,” she finished in a strained whisper while hiding behind her mane and squeezing herself into an ever smaller ball behind her desk.

Luna forced a smile over clenched teeth. “Think naught of it, dear Fluttershy.” Clearing her throat, she turned her attention back on Shining Armor, “Now then, Captain, wouldst you be so kind as to guide Us to the dining hall? We fear this maze of a palace that Our sister did commission while We were away,” she said with a quick glance at still-cowering Fluttershy, “is still unfamiliar to Us.”

Shining Armor performed a smart military bow and took the lead. Cadance hastened forward and sidled up to her groom.

“I guess we’re eating dinner with the princess now?” Cadance quizzically whispered to her husband.

“I’m not sure we can say no. Anyway, it definitely beats paperwork,” Shining replied with a laugh and held the door for his wife and Luna. With a nod of his head in the direction of the egressing party he beckoned Fluttershy to join them.

Fluttershy slid out from behind her desk and began to hurry after Cadance and Luna before giving an uncertain glance back at Cadence’s stack of paperwork. “Um, what do we do about these?”

Shining smiled, “It’s okay, Fluttershy. We can leave them for now. We’re on official business for a princess who’s actually in charge of something.”

“I heard that,” Cadance sing-songed from the hall.

Shining winced and followed Fluttershy out of the room. “She must have super princess hearing,” he whispered to Fluttershy who suppressed a giggle.

“Yea, much to our horror, We found the cliff nigh at our very backs as Our company was set upon by the diamond dog freebooters,” Luna regaled her dinner guests with no shortage of dramatic flair, conjuring up magical shadow puppets to do mock battle upon the long dining hall table. The head of the table where Luna sat served as the cliff in her tale. “Verily, We weathered the onslaught, but those of Our number who bore wounds from the tilt did need to suffer their afflictions with the aid and succor of neither medicine nor healer, being that we were far afield in the Badlands. A most remarkable cavalier, using only his unicorn magic, held the very limbs that had been struck from his body fast to their sockets and forced his blood to pass first into his severed legs and then out again back into his own body for all of eight days and nine nights. That he was able to keep his spell turning even as he slept- Ne’er before nor since have We witnessed the like.” Luna allowed her magical constructs to disintegrate into incorporeal mist that retreated into the shadows around the room.

Fluttershy, who had been listening intently, interjected, “Oh, what a wonderful way to prevent necrosis from setting in. I will have to remember to ask Rarity to help me in surgery the next time some poor, poor opossum gets run over by a fast-moving wagon cart.”

Despite the bloody tale with its spectral actors and Fluttershy’s surprising interest in all things involving disembowelment, Cadance kept a polite and neutral bearing just as Aunt Celestia had taught her to do at the dining table when others behave inappropriately. Her appetite had been lost much earlier on, so she contented herself with observing how many shades of green her squeamish groom could turn. Is that ‘seafoam’?

I just had to ask about Blue Blood the First,Shining thought as he tried to concentrate on counting the marble tiles in the floor for the third time. One-thousand, two-hundred, and thirty-nine had been his last count, but it would hurt less to recount them yet again than it would to give his full attention to Luna’s gory retelling of The Third Diamond Dog Civil War.

More shadow puppets—of a much larger scale than those before—congealed from shadowy mists. They depicted a bed-ridden pony with two glowing legs surrounded by supportive armor-clad ponies. “Afore We had completed Our retreat to Everfree the cavalier’s fellows had taken to calling him by the name “Blue Blood” owing to the blue glow which his magic cast upon his wounds, hence a noble lineage was born,” Luna finished her story and looked about the table for her audience’s reactions. Cadance clapped politely with a Celestia-like smile. Fluttershy clopped her forehooves together with glee. Shining Armor was late to offer his applause, but he did so with enthusiasm and a grateful grin on his oddly colored face.

“That was wonderful, Princess,” gushed Fluttershy. “It reminded me of when I had to perform surgery on one of my beaver friends who almost lost his tail when his dam collapsed. It was oh so difficult to properly set. I think I have the pictures from the operation in my saddlebag in my suite if you want to see them later. May I ask, how did Sir Blue Blood have his legs reattached? I would love to learn more surgical techniques,” Fluttershy asked while nearly bouncing in her seat, much to Shining's horror.

There’s teal, Cadance thought.

“Ah,” Luna’s expression fell. “We fear that in Our time Our healers had not the mastery possessed by the surgeons of the current age. For though brave Blue Blood’s magic had saved his legs, unbeknownst to Us, it had also impeded their natural mending,” Luna began with regret lacing her voice. “For a time they were left be, as all had thought they would heal on their own. By the time the healers became aware that they would not it was too late to save the poor soul. We have heard the healers of this age call his affliction ‘sepsis.’ Blue Blood's body rotted from the inside as though it had died that week in the badlands and he had persisted by will and magic alone.” To illustrate this, the princess conjured up a shadowy illusion of the ancient unicorn's body as it writhed in pain and fell apart to become some horror from a B-movie.

And that’s avocado. Uh-oh. Cadance watched her husband with concern.

Fluttershy reached over the table to place a forehoof upon Luna’s. “Oh, Princess, I know how hard it is to lose a patient. Living next to the Everfree Forest, it seems that every other day a cute little critter appears on my doorstep who was injured by the awful, awful monsters that live there. Just last week, Mr. Bear showed up with a broken rib cage and jaw after getting into a fight with a mean old chimera. His fourth rib had a full compound fracture that pierced-”

Evergreen. Time to go right now. “Excuse the interruption,” Cadance forced a demure yawn. “but I fear we may have to cut our meal short. I am feeling completely exhausted from all that paperwork that I filled out earlier.” Cadance glanced sidelong at her husband, and he returned a sickly look that said ‘my heroine!’

“Ah.” Luna slumped in her chair. “It had been Our hope, Niece, that th-you would join us at Night Court after Our supper, however We are aware that most ponies spend the night at rest. Might we then assume that you Captain and you Fluttershy will also be leaving?” Luna asked, her voice shrinking with each passing word and her ears slumping until they fell flat upon her scalp.

“Oh, if I may, Princess, I would like to stay up with you. I don’t feel tired at all. If you want, I could even gallop up to my suite and find my photo album,” Fluttershy offered. Luna’s posture and expression bloomed.

“By your leave, Your Highness, I would like to join my wife. All that paperwork really took it out of me,” Shining said before trying to imitate a yawn. He cut the attempt short when his gorge rose along with it.

Luna responded in a soft and sympathetic voice, “You have Our leave, Captain. Well have We marked your anguish. As ‘twas in Our time, the boldest of stallions ever suffer most cruelly the tedium of scrivening. But surely, you and Our niece will not be billeting in the castle barracks. If you have found lodging in town, We would gladly arrange for a carriage to ferry you there.”

Shining Armor stood at attention as best he could manage in his state. “Thank you for the offer, Your Highness, but we are staying at my parents' townhouse. It’s only a short walk from here, and they have asked me to do a bit of housekeeping for them while they are away on business.”

“Very well, however it is Our command that you rest this eve before fulfilling your obligations to your parents.” Luna dismissed Shining Armor with a nod and turned her attention back to Fluttershy with girlish glee. “Do hurry with your album, dear Fluttershy. We are nigh on giddy with anticipation.”

The late hours of the night seemed to emphasize the emptiness of the streets of Canterlot at night as the pair of newlyweds made their way down Crowned Avenue, the half-way point on their journey to their temporary home. Each pony took turns discussing whatever thoughts happened to cross their minds as they slowly trotted along.

“Hey, Honey, remember that old game we used to play when we went out on dates back in high school?” Shining asked during a lull in their conversation.

“You’ll have to be a bit more specific, Dear.” Cadance replied, taking the opportunity to drape her wing across her husband's back as a cool wind blew over them.

“I’m pretty sure you’ll remember if I start,” Shining began as he inclined his horned head toward a pair of younger stallions stumbling down the other side of the street. “Friends?”

Cadance subdued a giggle behind a tight smile as she turned a subtle glance at the pair, “Hmm… I’d say acquaintances. Even though they look like they’re drunk they’re not trying to support each other as they stumble down the street,” she replied. She began to look over passersby for couples, eventually setting her sights upon a pegasus mare and a slightly older pegasus stallion, each of whom was in a different state of intoxication. “Lovers,” she pointed out, as the pegasi came to a stop on the corner of Horseshoe Lane and Blue Blood Boulevard.

“Nah, siblings,” Shining stated. “You can tell by the way the dude glared at the two acquaintances that stumbled past them, that was the look of an overprotective brother if I’ve ever seen it.” Shining’s search for couples was interrupted by a growl coming from his stomach, which was by now missing the meal that it couldn’t get earlier. “You know, it might be just me but the princess and her stories totally killed my appetite.”

“I hope that’s what that sound was, otherwise I think I might’ve just heard a monster from the Everfree on the loose in the city,” Cadance jested, poking her husband in the stomach with her foreleg. “Since we’re being honest now, I’m not really tired yet.”

“You could’ve fooled me. Either way, you saved me from a Luna-tic,” Shining replied. He chuckled at the small groan and a light jab on his shoulder that he received from his wife for his awful pun. “Thanks for that, by the way.”

“I was saving myself, too, you know. It’s not fun to explain that your big, brave, studly husband gets faint at even the mention of blood. Remember last Nightmare Night? The haunted house?” Cadance asked, already knowing the answer. “Friends, by the way,” she added as she indicated a pair of mares--a seafoam unicorn and a tan-colored earth pony, the former holding up the latter’s long two-toned hair as she began to empty the contents of her stomach onto the sidewalk.

“I thought it was my turn,” Shining replied, eager to change the topic of conversation away from his own squeamishness. He stared at the pair that Cadance had pointed out as he and his wife rounded the corner that turned onto the street that his parents’ home was on. “Uh, it looks to me like those two are more than friends.”

“As if! Do you mean that they’re ‘best friends’ or some-” Cadance said, before following Shining’s stare back to the pair who were the subject of discussion. “Oh dear Auntie, that’s disgusting.” Cadance gagged, caught off guard at the sight of the two mares making out over the puddle of bodily fluids they had created moments before.

“You mean the vomit and not the mares, right?” Shining jested, earning him another jab in the shoulder, this time with a bit of force behind it.

“Oh come on. You know I meant the vomit,” Cadance replied in mock annoyance. “You know, I was thinking of fixing a snack when we get to the house, but you can forget it now.” Her gorge almost rose again at the thought of eating after what she had just witnessed.

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry,” Shining pleaded, as the pair reached the stoop in front of his parents’ house. “How about one last one before we get inside?” he asked as they made their way up the steps to the front door.

Cadance looked into the street behind her as Shining fished a set of keys from his saddlebags. “Where? I don’t see anypony.”

“Neither do I,” Shining began as he turned the key inside the lock, “but I’m pretty sure you know who I’m thinking of.” He shot a sly grin at Cadance as he held the door open for her.

“Is it us?” Cadance guessed. She stepped inside the small but well-furnished townhouse. With the hideous display on the streets out of sight, she again began to crave a snack and headed for the kitchen with Shining in tow.

Eager to get to the point, Shining said, “I’ll just come out and say it: Fluttershy and my li’l sis. Do you think something more is going on between them?”

“Them?” Cadance wondered out loud as she began raiding the pantry for the basic ingredients of a hay sandwich. “I doubt it. Growing up Twilight didn’t seem to be interested in mares.” She gave Shining a questing look as her magic began to assemble her sandwich. “I know what you’re thinking. Fluttershy seemed eager to talk about her, but I’m pretty sure she just wanted to talk about that bear that she’s nursing back to health, not Twilight.”

“Maybe that’s true, but Twilight never seemed interested in stallions either. I’m pretty sure I would remember chasing off a couple of them if she were.” Shining added, handing his wife a jar of mayonnaise as he perused the fridge for something to snack on. “But I mean, come on. Do you know of any boys in her friend group? And no, Spike doesn’t count. Every day for Twilight is Taco Tuesday.”

Cadance put the jar on the counter and massaged the bridge of her nose, “You did not just say that.”

“Let’s make a bet,” he declared as he bit into a carrot that he drew out of the fridge. “Five bits on Twily being into mares and ten more if it’s Fluttershy.” He nudged the refrigerator door closed with his hind hoof as if to punctuate the offer.

“And if you’re wrong?” Cadance asked, as she put on a pot on the range.

“I’ll do any favor you ask for, except for that thing with the socks,” Shining responded as he turned to make his way to the hall. “I’m gonna hop in the shower first, okay?”

“Alright, bet. But are you sure about not doing that sock thing? I promise not to take pictures this time,” Cadance shouted down the hall before hearing the bathroom door open and close.

Cadance hummed to herself as she levitated the sandwich in the air before cutting the crust off of it, smiling as she recalled how embarrassed her husband was when she had first found him secretly peeling the crust off on their first date. As soon as she was finished a trio of loud bangs came from the front door, accompanied by the sounds of wheezing and groaning, startling Cadance enough for her to drop the sandwich onto the counter.

“Honey, what was that noise?” Shining's voice rang out from the hall.

“I-I think somepony’s at the door. I’ll go see who it is,” Cadance called out. With wary steps she made her way to the front door. As she drew near, she was able to make out one pony slurring to another.

“Are we- is this your house?” asked a feminine voice from the other side of the door.

“Shhhh, I think they’re asleep,” responded the other in a voice that Cadance thought to be familiar before a series of sloppy bangs that could hardly be called knocks crashed upon the door once again

“What are- why are you knocking? Where are your key-urk! Lavender, I think I need to use the bathroom.”

“Shhhh! You’ll wake up Mom and Dad,” slurred the second voice.

Cadance’s body froze, and her mind's gears turned at full speed, trying to put a face behind that drunken slur. Her eyes went wide in shock, as she recognized who it belonged to. “Twilight? Is that- is that you?” she called out before inching the door open to look at the two mares leaning against one another for support. The unfamiliar one held a forehoof over her mouth in an attempt to keep down her stomach’s contents.

“Cadance!” Twilight cheered through a wobbly grin. “Sunshine… and ladybugs, and… uh, how’s the honeymoon? Hey, is this Mom and Dad's house? If it isn’t- if it’s not, can I- no, can we stay the night? I’m *yawn* sooo tired. That tea musta been camuhmull,” Twilight slurred as her eyes drifted shut. She wobbled in place before falling face-first onto the mare beside her, the impact causing the strange mare to finally vomit before passing out beneath Twilight’s prone body.

“Shining! Come quick!” Cadance shouted. “Oh, why is it always vomit tonight?”

The sound of the bathroom door slamming open followed by a series of quick hoof-falls preceded the arrival at the doorway of a soaking wet Shining Armor. “What? What happened? Are you okay? Did those bug things come back?” Shining asked in a panic as he swiftly scanned the street for signs of danger. At last, his gaze fell to the stoop just beyond the front door. His relief was short-lived, as he was overcome by a fit of laughter upon seeing the state that his little sister was in. “Oh, dear Celestia, this is hilarious! Cadance, am I seeing what I think I’m seeing?”

“Yep. You definitely have something to tease her about,” Cadance sighed. She appraised the mares at her hooves. “Can you help me get them inside?”

“Wait, wait. Lemme get a camera first.” Shining chuckled as he dashed back into the hall.

“Oh, and these,” Fluttershy exclaimed, “are from when I had to treat Gummy’s gingivitis. That alligator needs to learn proper dental hygiene before his big boy teeth grow in.” She flipped the page to show a collection of photos that chronicled the dental procedure. She and Luna laid upon the soft red carpet that decorated the dais of the otherwise unoccupied throne room and poured over Fluttershy’s photo album. Luna’s ethereal tail swung idly in the air as she listened.

“Aye, ‘tis of great import to avert the rot taking root within one’s mouth. In Our time, we had not so many sugary treats as you do today, but still the rot did afflict many,” Luna added with a slight nod. “Verily, We are at a loss to say wherefore Our sister’s perfect smile does appear unaffected by her diet of tea and sweetmeats.” With a giggle she added, “The royal mouth may be her most miraculous quality.” Fluttershy hummed a demure laugh along with her.

Their conversation fell into a steady rhythm, as Fluttershy carefully flipped through the album. Occasionally she paused to answer the various questions Luna posed when she saw a photo that caught her eye. Minutes went by like this until Luna’s ears flicked at the sound of knocking coming from the great doors at far side of the room. Momentarily, the guard ponies on either side of the doorway pushed open the double-doors to allow a flustered Turn Down to enter the throne room. Several strands of black hair had sprung loose from her bun, and her curtsy was performed in haste.

From the open doorway, she said in an anxious voice, “Pardon the interruption, Your Highness, but I believe the ponies that you were looking for have just arrived, but, um,” she trailed off while trying to think of the most delicate way to put it, “they seem to be-”

“Looking for the party,” Pinkie Pie’s chipper voice interrupted as she wobbled into the doorway with Rainbow Dash and Applejack draped over her back. Her grinning half-lidded eyes, with some effort on her part, focused on Luna from across the long room. “Hiya, Princess! This maid pony told me that you were having a party in here and I thought,” she stretched her face into a look of drunken amazement, “’Wow, Pinkie! Another royal party? This is gonna be the third one you’ve been to since the wedding,’ and then I was all, ‘*gasp* I know, right? That means we gotta make it bumpin’.’ And now here I am to commence with the bumpaan’.” Applejack mumbled something unintelligible from her back when the guards closed the door behind them, and Pinkie looked back at her. “Or should I say here we are… buuut I don’t think they’re gonna be doing much bumpin’.”

“Oh, Pinkie,” Fluttershy exclaimed as she ran to meet her friends half-way across the room, “Are they alright?”

“Yeah, A.J. and Dashie are just partied out. Hey, where’re all the decorations and treats?” Pinkie searched to room with wavering eyes as she carefully balanced the two sleeping mares upon her back.

“This isn’t really that kind of party, Pinkie,” Fluttershy offered, but when Pinkie’s drunken grin fell into a look of hazy disappointment she added, “It’s more of a scrapbooking party.”

Pinkie’s jaw fell as her eyes grew to enormous proportions. “Zulu. Oscar. Mike. Golf! You have Princess Luna’s scrapbook?” She was shrieking by the end of the sentence. She bolted past the stunned Fluttershy to the open book laying on the steps leading up to the throne, not noticing that Applejack and Rainbow Dash had tumbled off her back and onto the soft red carpet. “Hey, it’s Gummy! Princess, why is Gummy in your scrapbook?”

Fluttershy rushed to Rainbow Dash, and Luna hurried to check on Applejack. Applejack’s bleary eyes fluttered open, and she was greeted by the sight of Luna staring down at her with concern. “Heh. It’s Princess Luna. That means I’m sleepin’.” She yawned. “Good, ‘cause I’m powerful tired,” she said before passing out again.

The cover up

Cheerilee sat in her booster chair in a corner booth of her parents' restaurant. The wallpaper and the decorations were all new, her father having put them up just the past weekend. Seated beside her was a large chimichanga, its height almost double the height that the foal would have been if she had been standing up. On her other side stood her parents. Her father’s mane had only begun to gray, and lines formed at the corners of his eyes as he smiled down at her in anticipation. Her mother’s mane had been pulled back into a wavy ponytail and held in place by a brightly colored scrunchie that Cheerilee liked to play with when her mother wasn’t looking.

“You know, we made that for you to celebrate our move, right?” her mother asked. She gestured with her nose at the tower of food beside Cheerilee.

“Oh, Hon, don’t worry about her too much. We haven’t been here long. Our little cherry is probably just nervous. Isn’t that right, baby girl?” her dad responded with wink. “Your mother’s right though. You should eat it before it gets cold.”

Little Cheerilee looked towards the giant chimichanga on her left before replying, “I’m not nervous papá, see?” As those words left her mouth, she gently bit into it. The texture was different than the usual, smaller chimichangas that her mother usually made. It felt hairier than usual, as well--a lot hairier. Also, it’s taste was off. Behind the sweet flavor of cherry that made up its filling was a more sickly sweet and almost sour aftertaste that overpowered the cherry flavor. Something was definitely off about it, but her parents were watching. She couldn’t disappoint them. Cheerilee decided to lick the filling to get a better taste in the hope that the previous wrong taste had been just her imagination. As she leaned forward and tasted it for the second time the Chimichanga let out an ear-splitting scream causing Cheerilee to wince in pain. The searing ache in her brain caused the world around her to disintegrate.

As she opened her eyes, the brightly lit and decorated diner was replaced with a dark, blurry bedroom, and the screaming chimichanga was replaced with an equally as blurry unicorn mare who was attempting to escape Cheerilee’s limp forelegs. Cheerilee released the struggling stranger from her leaden limbs which caused the unicorn to fumble off of the twin-sized mattress and onto the ground letting out a yelp as she landed causing both mares to groan as the sound helped to intensify the sharp pains in both of their skulls.

Cheerilee closed her eyes once again and wiped the grogginess from them. “Where am I? Wait, who are you?” she asked as her hazy eyes slowly took in a room that looked like a furniture store’s attempt to depict an unrealistically orderly schoolgirl’s bedroom before focusing as clearly as she was capable of on the pony who had fallen onto the floor. She was a younger and vaguely familiar unicorn mare, very purple, and sporting bedhead so outlandish that it was a certain kind of impressive.

For her part, Twilight took a moment to process her situation. Although her dull, throbbing headache protested even the low light present in the room, she was immediately able to recognize the room that she had spent much of her childhood in. The pale coat of dust that rested on everything made her entertain for just a moment the notion that she had miscast some time spell that she had found in the forbidden section of the palace archive. that the room was not the only thing covered in subverting gross suddenly became apparent. “Ew, what is this stuff on me?” she said before a stray beam of light hit her square in the face making her pinch her eyes closed again.

Shielding her face with a forehoof, Twilight cracked her eyes open again and gazed up in silence at the stranger who was lying prone in Twilight’s childhood bed. Memories of re-shelving books (by Spike, mostly) following the prepubescent tornado that would touch down in her library every week flashed in her aching head, and Twilight was able to pick the image of the mare before her out of them. “You’re Sweetie Belle's teacher, the one who likes to assign book reports. Why are we in my-”

“The librarian,” Cheerilee exclaimed. Upon hearing the name of one of the world’s three most adorable natural disasters a survival instinct had kicked in and gave her a moment of clarity. “Oh, Dear Celestia, of all the ponies...”

A light knock on Twilight’s bedroom door spooked both of them, their ears reaching for the ceiling. The pain that the jolt caused in Cheerilee’s head made her wince and cover her eyes. Twilight was too in the moment for a little thing like the worst headache of her life to distract her from the freak out that was bubbling up inside her. Fearing that there was somehow a disappointed Princess Celestia behind the door in this crazy nightmare, she called out to the entity, “Daddy?”

“It’s just me,” Shining said as he eased the door open so as to give the room’s occupants time to make themselves decent, “Don’t worry, Twi, my eyes are closed just in case you two are, uh, yeah, just in case.” After a brief moment of silence and with great hesitation he opened his eyes. “Wow, you look even worse than you did last night,” he remarked as he studied the bewildered mare sitting lopsided on the bed as his little sister was sprawled out on the floor. Twilight’s fur was matted with dried vomit, and the hair on the side of her face was brushed upward in a fresh wet cowlick. Shining decided that he really didn’t want to know anything about that.

“Are they awake honey?” echoed Cadance's pleasant voice from down the hall. The presence of someone beyond Twilight’s little room gave both her and Cheerilee a sense of reassurance that this wasn’t just some crazy dream, and the pair began to think about how they had arrived in their situation.

“Yes, Dear,” Shining replied before turning his attention back to the bedroom without actually looking at the two mares, “I would ask you two if you want breakfast, but it’s already like eleven-something. You know where the kitchen is. Cadance has to get back to the castle, and I have to pull guard duty soon. Oh, and the bathroom’s down the hall. Smells like you need it.” he forced a weak chuckle that turned into an awkward cough before he left the room, closing the door behind himself.

Cheerilee cleared her throat, catching the attention of Twilight. “So, about last night…”

Twilight’s ears perked up. She wasn’t sure if what Cheerilee had to say was going to be embarrassing or not, but it would be new data which was something that she was desperately lacking at the moment. She waited for Cheerilee to continue.

She continued in a tentative voice, afraid of offending Twilight, “What happened exactly?”

Twilight slumped in disappointment. “I’m not sure, but I’m going to go take a shower.” Twilight said as she pulled herself up. “Maybe not being covered in… whatever this is will help me think.”

Cadance fidgeted in her seat on the plush living room sofa as she waited for her husband to return from checking up on his little sister. Her ears flicked toward the stairway when she heard his hasty steps descending to the main floor. She verbally pounced before Shining had time to take a seat, “So, what are they to each other? Did you get her name?”

“I think I walked in on something I shouldn’t have,” Shining said as he eased himself into the sofa beside her, “but at least I’m ten bits richer now.”

“That’s five bits, hot shot, unless her name also just happens to be Fluttershy,” Cadance said with a knowing smirk. “So, tell me, what exactly did you see to make you think you won that five?”

Shining Armor looked his wife in the eyes the way that he always would when he was serious about something. “Well, I went up to her room because we heard that loud thump, right? When I got to the door I heard them talking like they were excited about something.”

Cadance interrupted, “What were they saying?”

“I couldn’t make it out through the door, so I knocked. They didn’t answer, and the voices stopped, you know, like Twiley always does when she thinks she’s been caught doing something bad.” He screwed up his face in a grimace and continued, “Okay, in this situation I really didn’t want to catch her doing anything, so I knocked again and told them that I was going to open the door. The first thing I noticed is that the hair on Twiley’s face was all smeared up like someone thought that she was an ice cream cone, and she was on the floor next to her bed like she had just fallen out of it with, um, her friend sitting on the bed with her front legs up like she had been holding her. It didn’t help that Twiley was making that face—you know the one.”

“The one that she made when I caught her stealing your father’s library card?” Cadance guessed, nodding her head as if she already knew.

“That’s the one. I just noped out of there at that point,” Shining admitted as he lightly shook his head in embarrassment.

“Oh come on, Shiney! I’ve known that mare since she was a foal. There’s no way she’d be swapping spit first thing in the morning. You know how she is about bacteria.” Cadance put on her Twilight impression, “Don’t you know that the mouth is the dirtiest part of a pony’s body?”

Shining cut his snickering short when the sound of running water from the upstairs bathroom signaled that somepony was up and taking a shower. It was soon followed by the sound of unsure hoof steps making their way down the staircase and into the room. The married couple turned their heads to the stairwell and found a disheveled Cheerilee staring with twitching eyes at the Junior Princess of Equestria and the big stallion from before who, now that she thought about it, looked an awful lot like the framed pictures of the Captain of the Royal Guard that were hanging on the walls of this relative palace of a house.

“Um, good morning, Your Ladyship, Officer,” Cheerilee choked out. Unsure whether this situation called for a bow or a curtsy, she dropped into a deep knee-bending half-bow/half-curtsy. Oh, Sweet Princess, what have I gotten myself into?

Cadance took a second to consider how best to handle the not-yet panicking earth pony before deciding to attempt her aunt’s go-to tactic for engaging commoners: being the embodiment of benign motherly benevolence. “Good morning, um, Miss. Please, do join my husband and I while we wait for Twilight to finish her shower.” She gestured towards the matching couch opposite of the one that she and her husband were using.

“Uh-of course, Your Ladyship. Please, call me Cheerilee,” Cheerilee responded with a diminishing tremor in her voice. Having something to do in the moment helped her to think through her nerves. As she made her way to the proffered couch, she thought, The librarian’s name is Twilight, and she knows the junior princess who is married to the Captain of the Guard. That means that this is probably their home, and they’re not here to throw me into the dungeons. She took a calming breath as she eased into the surprisingly soft seat.

“It is good to meet you, Miss Cheerilee, but please just call me Cadance. This is Shining Armor, my husband and Twilight’s older brother,” Cadance said with a nod of her head to Shining during which their eyes met. “I hadn’t been expecting Twilight to visit, let alone to bring another mare with her, but then again she probably hadn’t been expecting it either,” Cadance finished, letting out a dry laugh.

Cheerilee took the implication that this little tête-à-tête was an interrogation—a ‘meet the family’ event. “Well, neither had I,” Cheerilee added with a dry laugh of her own that was too nervous to match Cadance’s.

“So, how long have you and my little sister known each other?” Shining asked, sensing his wife’s attempt at getting information with leading statements going south.

“Oh erm, well, she runs Ponyville's library, and I teach at the elementary school. We sometimes run into each other when I assign research projects. I'm pretty sure that we met shortly after she moved to town,” Cheerilee responded, fiddling with her forehooves. Seriously, Cheerilee? He’s her brother. Of course he knows what she does for work.

Shining smiled, trying to calm Cheerilee down. “You’re a teacher? Now, don’t get me wrong. I like foals and all, but I would never want to deal with them for hours every day.”

Cadance turned her much less than benevolent gaze on her husband, and without a single word let him know what the mistake that he had just made was.

Shining tried to not acknowledge the moment and move on. “Although sometimes I think they’d behave better than the castle guards,” he said with a weak laugh.

“Normally I say that the parents are the real troublemakers, but this year’s class of foals is a real hoof-full. Oh, they’re just the sweetest little angels one minute, but the next they are drugging you, barricading you inside a changing room, and trying to marry you off to their big brother at the bottom of a pit,” Cheerilee said in a light tone that left Cadance and Shining Armor wondering just how serious she was being.

“You’re talking about the Cutie Mark Crusaders,” Twilight said from the hall as she made her way to the living room, her coat still damp and her mane still a mess after her shower.

Cadance looked back and forth from Twilight to Cheerilee, concern growing as she found no sign from either of them that they were joking. “Wait. You’re… That actually happened? Who are these foals?”

Twilight trotted around the back of the sofa that Cheerilee was sitting on and took a seat at the other end. “You met them before. They were the ring-bearers at your wedding.”

Cadance’s jaw dropped. “The ring-bearers? But they were just the most darling little…”

“The most darling little natural disasters in Equestria,” Cheerilee sing-songed with an enormous grin before she wheeled on Twilight. “Wait, you let them near a wedding?”

“Yeah,” Cadance interjected, throwing Twilight a disapproving look. “You could have warned me. Well, no, I guess you couldn’t, could you?” She cleared her throat.

Cheerilee felt the moment of silence after Cadance's look to be awkward, so she decided to try to and continue the conversation topic. “Like I said they’re a hoof-full, but they really do mean well. They’re good children. It’s just that they’re also the most challenging students I have taught in my entire career.”

Cadance took a second to process that before she looked up at Cheerilee with glint in her eye. “Speaking of your career, where did you get your degree? Does Ponyville have a university? If you don’t mind me asking, that is.”

Oh, dear, the interrogation is back on. “I actually went to Canterlot Academy for my degree. Class of 2010,” Cheerilee replied

“No way!” Shining gasped, “You went to the same school as us, and you were in the same graduating class?”

“I-I guess so” Cheerilee sputtered, taken back by Shining's sudden interjection.

“I didn’t think you were the type to go for older girls, Twilight.” Shining said, with a wink and a teasing smirk.

“Wait, what?” Twilight and Cheerilee exclaimed in unison like an old married couple.

“Hey, hey, there’s no judgment here, none at all.” Shining waved his forehooves in front of his face as if deflecting misunderstandings, “I didn’t know that you liked mares, but I promise I won’t treat you any differently.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes at Shining Armor. “Well, thanks for the unconditional acceptance, Big Brother, but we are not…” She waved her forelegs like a third base umpire calling a runner safe. “I don’t even like mares. Not that I have anything against mares, but- uh, I mean, some of my best friends are mares—all of them are, really.” Her left eye twitched at a stray thought that popped up in her head before she stuffed it into the “Requires Future Study” section of her brain.

“Um, I also don’t, you know, swing that way, just for the record,” Cheerilee quickly added, her pink cheeks darkening to a candy apple red.

“Well, this is awkward,” Shining stated the obvious, at a loss for how to move past the embarrassing moment.

Cadance came to his rescue, a common occurrence that seemed to happen whenever something of importance was happening. “Well, now that we know what didn’t happen, why don’t we talk about what did happen last night? At least we could clear up any misunderstandings.”

Twilight nodded, “Yes, we should compile all the information that we have.” She turned to address Cheerilee at the opposite arm of the couch, “My night began with the girls talking me into going out with them to a bar. I stuck to tea, but Rarity got just a little tipsy. She started arguing with the bartender and did that ‘walking out in a huff’ thing that she does when she’s upset. I followed her to keep her out of trouble…” Twilight’s eyes went wide, and she looked at Cadance, Shining Armor, and Cheerilee in turn. “What happened to Rarity? We went to another bar where we met you,” Twilight pointed a hoof at Cheerilee, “You started talking about doughnuts, and that’s all I can remember.”

“Doughnuts?” Cadance asked. Twilight, still tearing through her memories to discover what happened to her friend, nodded in response.

“I’m afraid I don’t really remember your friend,” Cheerilee said, “But I do remember something about doughnuts. I also remember somepony threatening to call the city guards on us.” She favored Shining Armor with a nervous smile.

Shining hooted a laugh. “I can’t wait to hear the rest of this story when one of you finally remembers it all.” He leaned over the table between the twin sofas and gave Twilight a look that would have been pointed if not for the grin curling the corners of his mouth. “And you have to spill if there’s a report on you at the guard house.”

Twilight slumped in her seat and flattened her ears.

He continued, “But Cady and I already know the best part of the story. We were getting ready to go to bed when we heard banging on the front door. When we open it, there are the two of you so wasted that you can hardly stand, and, sure enough, you both fall down and throw up all over the steps. Bleh!” Shining stuck out his tongue and points at the back of his mouth to mimic vomiting.

When Cadance failed to cover her own giggling with a cough, Twilight uttered a groan of despair. “At least no pony else knows about this right now. Can you two please promise me that you won’t tell anypony else about this? Knowing Rarity and Pinkie Pie, if they hear about this all of Ponyville will know the story before we’ve gotten our bags off the train.”

Cheerilee leaned in and pleaded, “Um, could I also ask that you keep quiet about it? Rumors have a tendency to get out of control, and a rumor like this one is just the kind of thing that would be brought up in a PTA meeting.” At the very least keep it from Colgate. That mare couldn’t keep a secret to save her life.

“Aw, come on, I finally have something embarrassing to tease you about, and you want us to keep it a secret?” Shining whined with an exaggerated sigh of disappointment. “It’s totally not fair. I mean, you never do anything to get in trouble.” His eyes trailed up and away, and he tapped his chin with his forehoof. “Although earlier I did hear something about your doll, Smarty Pants-”

Wild-eyed, Twilight sprang out of her seat and declared, “I invoke The Charter!” When she realized that Cadance and Cheerilee were looking at her like she was crazy, she cleared her throat and continued, “The Light Siblings’ Charter—specifically the ‘No Snitching’ article—prohibits the telling of any embarrassing or incriminating stories, recounts, or descriptions to any figure of authority or to anyone who might tell a figure of authority.”

Shining Armor rolled his eyes, “You can’t be serious, Twi. We made that up when we were little foals.”

Twilight nodded; her eyes lidded in smug satisfaction. “And the Preamble states that our siblinghood is forever, and thus the rules of the Charter are to last in perpetuity.”

“That sounds pretty binding to me, Hun,” Cadance teased while affecting her most regal posture. “As a junior princess I hereby recognize The Light Siblings Charter and promise that neither I nor my husband will snitch…” she suppressed a giggle, “…about the events of last night to anyone.”

Twilight sighed in relief. “Thanks, Cadance.”

“Yes, thank you very much, Your Ladyship,” Cheerilee added, relaxing for the first time that morning.

Cadance stood from her seat and motioned for Shining Armor to follow her, which he did. “Any time, Ladybug. Now, Shining and I really should be getting back to the castle.”

As the couple trotted to the front door, Shining Armor chuckled, “Yeah, I need to check the wanted list for any drunken purple unicorn mares,” which earned him a snarky fake laugh from Twilight.

In the doorway, Cadance stopped Shining and looked him in the eye with a smoldering gaze, “Now, you be nice to your sister, and I’ll be nice to you.” She leaned in for a kiss.

Shining ducked and slipped past her and onto the steps. “Sorry, Cady, but the ‘No Gross Stuff’ article of The Charter strictly prohibits us from kissing anyone except our parents or grandparents.”

“Hey, I have an amendment for you,” Cadance declared before chasing him into the street.

Cheerilee smiled as the royal couple galloped out into the Canterlot streets to play like children. As the excitement and shock of watching a princess of Equestria and the Captain of the Guard calling each other by cutsey nicknames and arguing over a childhood game wore off, her headache—forgotten before—once again became noticeable. The feeling of being in over her head followed on its heels.

Poor little Cheerilee was sitting in the home of royalty with a princess’s sister-in-law. What have I gotten myself into this time? She took a moment to take a good look around the room. The off-white walls and a full set of matching birch furniture, tastefully spaced along the walls, were understated and thus allowed the many portraits of Twilight and Shining Armor at various ages to grab all the attention. It was the home of doting parents who would no doubt ill-appreciate a low-class schoolteacher leading their precious daughter on a drunken late-night quest for doughnuts. Very rich and very powerful parents, Cheerilee thought as she spotted a framed picture of Shining Armor receiving a medal from Princess Celestia herself.

I really should be going, she thought, but where? She was somewhere in a rich neighborhood where she had probably never been before, and she had no idea where the hotel that she and her friends were staying at was relative to herself. “Twilight, could I ask you for a favor?” Cheerilee asked, turning to the mare beside her.

“I don’t mind if you need to take a shower,” Twilight started, turning her head towards Cheerilee. “It's the second door upstairs.”

Cheerilee awkwardly kneaded the cushioned fabric beneath her hooves. “Thanks for offering. I’d like to take you up on that, but I sort of, well, forgot where I was staying in Canterlot. Would you help me find my hotel,” she turned to face Twilight. “I don’t want to impose, but-” Cheerilee stopped short of finishing her sentence as she noticed their muzzles were inches apart.

Both mares locked eyes with each other for a moment before Twilight hopped to her hooves from the couch. “Of course!” she exclaimed before cantering to the hall. “I, uh- I should probably get you a towel for the shower. You probably don’t want to go outside looking like that, not that you look bad or anything. I think you look good, I mean, not like that—not like my brother thought I meant.” She forced a weak laugh. “Anyway—towel.”

“Are- Are you sure?” Cheerilee said, flustered at the awkward compliment that Twilight had given her. “About the shower, I mean,” she added when Twilight wheeled on her, her eyes wide with fear. “I could just take one later. After all, I’m already asking your help with directions.”

Twilight waved her off. “I’m sure you would do the same for me. At least I think you would given what little I know about you, which isn’t really enough. I mean, uh,” her mind raced trying to get her train of thought back on its rails. “You like doughnuts, so you must, um- you know what? I’m just going to get a towel now.” Twilight fled down the hall.

“I’ll, uh, I’ll go take a shower then,” Cheerilee said to herself and the now empty living room.

Cheerilee glanced around the bathroom as she entered, the room was twice the size of her modest bathroom at home, and its every surface was clean and gleaming like an ad in a magazine. I wish my bathroom looked like this, Cheerilee lamented as she stepped into the room. Just behind her, the sound of hoof falls approached.

“I brought the towel,” Twilight said as she trotted into the room with purpose before removing a folded plush white terry cloth bath towel from her back and hanging it on a chromed towel rack by hoof. “If you need anything I’ll be in the living room.”

“Thank you,” Cheerilee replied as she glanced around the room, avoiding Twilight’s eyes. She noticed the shower fixtures that were on the wall of the walk-in rain-style shower. “Uh, Twilight which of these is for hot water?” Cheerilee asked, stopping Twilight before she could escape into the hallway.

In a hurry, Twilight wheeled about and stepped around Cheerilee’s right side. “Here, let me show you,” she said, her front legs just beyond the threshold of the shower stall. “This knob,” she indicated with her nose, “is for hot water and the other one is for cold water. And this,” she said, taking a step to her left to poke her nose at a lever. She stopped short as she realized that she had brushed herself up against Cheerilee. Both blushed at the contact as Twilight tried to get her mind back on the lesson, and an awkward silence filled the room. “This opens the spigot to make the water come down. I, uh, I’ll be in the living room then,” she finished in a weak voice and all but fled the bathroom.

“Thanks again,” Cheerilee mumbled as Twilight cantered beyond the door frame, closing the door behind her with a light kick. She felt herself tremble with anxiety. Relax Cheerilee. You didn’t do anything with her last night except vomit and pass out, as if that weren’t embarrassing enough. Cheerilee stepped into the shower and fiddled with the knobs for a moment before using her foreleg to drop the lever that poured warm, calming water over her head and back.

She stood under the sprinkling downpour, her eyes closed as her mind drifted. For a moment, she imagined herself as one of Daisy’s potted plants getting its weekly drink from the florist's watering can before the awkwardness of her most recent interaction with Twilight refused to be ignored anymore. Soon you’ll be back in Ponyville in your homey little apartment with its low-flow shower/bath combo and threadbare towels. You and the librarian will go back to only seeing each other on book report days at the library with excited foals all around, and you will never bring up last night again. Cheerilee inhaled deeply, envisioning herself going back to her daily schedule and finishing with a long sigh. Her thoughts turned to the fantastic, to high tea with a giggling princess who had insisted upon referring to her by a silly nickname, to being escorted around the rich district with its high-class speakeasies and doughnut shoppes, to satin bed sheets and decadently soft upholstered sofas—each shared with a warm and familiar companion. Maybe my friends are right that I need to get out more. Maybe I’m just lonely.

What in Equestria was that? Twilight thought as she stood in front of the bathroom door she had just abruptly shut, taking a few breaths as the heat pooling in her head and the nervous fluttering in her stomach faded. Wasn't there an article in the Canterlot Journal of Medicine that said that hangovers sometimes cause stomach conditions? Twilight tarried a moment as she tried to recall other potential causes of her symptoms before the dull remnants of the headache that she had woken up with shut down her thought process. Yeah I'm pretty sure there was. It would be so much easier if I could just read it, but my collection is in Ponyville. Maybe I still have a medical book in my old room. Taking a deep breath and then exhaling, Twilight made her way down the hall to the door of her childhood room, eager to have something to do apart from waiting on the mare in the shower.

She reached for the doorknob with her magical energy, mindlessly weaving it around the handle, before the dull drumming in her head thwarted the attempt. Twilight decided it would be less unpleasant to use her hooves like she had been all morning for mundane tasks. Opening the door by hoof, although easy enough, felt strange and inefficient. Cheerilee opens doors and operates shower knobs without magic all the time. Now I get why earth ponies use their mouths for so many things, Twilight ruminated. Her thoughts wandered back to the sleeping Cheerilee nibbling on her ear before assaulting the side of her face with her tongue, the sensation still vivid in her memory. Why am I thinking of that now? I have a book to find. The fluttering feeling in her stomach and the heat in her face returned as she stepped back into her childhood bedroom. Twilight glanced over her room before spotting a small bookshelf above the study desk that sat against the opposite wall.

Twilight crossed the room wondering how little Her had managed with such a small bookshelf, especially since many of the volumes contained therein were dedicated to the single subject of training pets. Spike had been a difficult hatchling. She scanned the row of books, but to her disappointment she found only one medical book: My Pony Body. Although the trusty tome had seen her through to her coming-of-age, it’s broad, puddle-deep perspective had been written with very young readers in mind. Fully-grown Twilight knew that she would find it remedial. Oh well, I will just have to make do with what I have, Twilight said to herself as she, without thinking about it, began to weave her magic around the object.

She only got it past the desk when her purple aura flickered out and dropped the worn book onto something on the ground with a soft thump. She groaned. If magic disruption is a side-effect of hangovers, then I am never drinking again. Twilight looked down at the fallen book and found that it had landed on an unfamiliar pair of saddlebags that were embroidered with a trio of smiling sunflowers and stained with a substance that looked to Twilight like what she had woken up covered in this morning. This must be Cheerilee’s, Twilight thought. The bright red and the sugary smell brought fuzzy memories of the night before back to her. After a second of recollection Twilight remembered her own overreaction to what had looked like a bloody mess at the time but had turned out to be a red sauce that Cheerilee had been carrying inside a takeout container. I don’t know what I would do if I had really hurt a nice pony like her, Twilight thought to herself as the strange feelings in her stomach acted up again.

I should probably get them cleaned up before we leave. If I don’t get distracted by this headache, maybe I can concentrate long enough to cast a Minute Mending spell. Twilight magically prepared the familiar cantrip, it being her personal go-to on the all-too-common occasions when books would be returned in almost illegible condition. Twilight shut her eyes, focusing through the pain, as she wove the spell. The saddle bags levitated up from the ground in a wavering aura. As the magic cleansed them of contaminants—the first step of the mending process, her headache spiked which caused her levitation magic to flicker and drop the weighty book into one of the open bags. The spell’s successive mending cycles were coming to an end when Twilight heard Cheerilee call her name from the door frame. Feeling that the spell was stable enough to play itself out, she dared to open her eyes.

“Oh, you’re- Oh. My, it’s beautiful,” Cheerilee mumbled in awe before locking eyes with Twilight. Where in the wide world of Equestria had ‘beautiful’ come from? Even an earth pony like me has seen that spell before. When I was a foal, Dad would always use it whenever I would spill soda on the carpet. Cheerilee thought to herself, still absently staring at the mare in front of her even as her saddlebag fell to the floor, the spell completed.

“You think so? It’s just a cantrip. Nopony has ever really complimented me on it before,” Twilight said, eyes trailing up and away from Cheerilee as she rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. “Um, thanks.”

Cheerilee shifted on her hooves. “I, uh, was looking for you downstairs, but couldn’t find you. Were those my saddlebags that you just cleaned?” Cheerilee asked as she gestured with her nose at the object of the spell that Twilight had cast.

“Sorry for cleaning them without asking. I came in here for something, and I saw them on the floor. Cleaning my old room is still a force of habit, apparently,” Twilight replied. The fluttering in her stomach was on the verge of becoming outright churning, and her face flushed with embarrassment, at what exactly she wasn’t sure. Stupid hangover.

Cheerilee stepped over to her fallen saddlebags. “It’s okay, I had forgotten all about them until just now. I probably would have left them here if you hadn’t seen them,” she reassured her awkward new friend. “We should probably get going soon. My friends are probably wondering where I am right now,” she finished as she bent down to retrieve her bags from the floor.

“Right. I’m sure mine are worried about me too, and I would like to know where Rarity is. I mean, I know that she can look after herself, but we really should get going,” Twilight replied, stepping around Cheerilee and into the doorway. “We also need to find your hotel.”

“I’m almost certain that it was made of marble with dark oak trim. It looked very different than the buildings around it,” Cheerilee replied as she strapped the saddlebags to her back. “But I am afraid that I have no clue what street it’s on,” she said even as her teeth were occupied with tightening the belt around her belly.

From the doorway, Twilight carefully noted the display of oral dexterity that was no doubt quite commonplace among non-magic users. Amazing. She cleared her throat and refocused. “Well, then we should begin by retracing our steps from last night,” Twilight said before turning down the hallway, Cheerilee following just behind her. As the pair made their way to the bottom of the stairs, Twilight continued, “the last place I remember being last night was the bar. We should start there.”

“The bar,” Cheerilee thought out loud. “Didn’t it have a neon light in the shape of a rose?”

“Yes!” Twilight exclaimed, the memory coming back to her at the mention of the sign that drunken Rarity had found so appealing. “We could also ask about my friend Rarity while we’re there.” She telekinetically grabbed the set of spare keys off of the mounted key rack near the front entrance, her returning clarity giving her focus that she had lacked earlier. “I’m not sure where it is exactly since last night was the first time that I had been there, so I’ll let you take the lead.” She pulled open the front door with her hooves, not wanting to test her magic on anything heavier than a set of keys just yet and stepped aside to allow her companion through the door. With her wobbly magical aura Twilight managed to lock the door behind them.

“To tell the truth, that was my first time there as well,” Cheerilee said slowly. “Bar hopping isn’t really my scene, and neither are mares-only bars. Also, I’m pretty sure that most bars are closed during the day.”

Twilight hummed, contingency plans running through her head like a runaway train. We could try to find it in a directory! ...If we knew the name of the bar. We could ask for directions! ...Yeah, asking random ponies in Canterlot for directions to the nearest gay bar is going to go over real well. We could visit the city archive and find a listing of businesses with liquor licenses in-

“Doughnuts!” Cheerilee shouted, startling Twilight out of her reverie and making her take a step back in surprise. “Don’t you remember something about getting doughnuts last night?”

“I think so,” Twilight replied, trying again to penetrate the pain-inducing hangover fog that was obscuring her memory. This time an image of an enormous doughnut-shaped sign showed through the haze. “You’re right! We passed by a doughnut shop on the way home. We could ask there about nearby bars.”

“Exactly,” Cheerilee replied. “Do you know of any doughnut shops that are close by? That’ll probably be our best chance.”

To her relief, Twilight found that her childhood memories were not guarded by headache or haze. “There was one place that my brother used to take me to when I was a filly. Follow me,” she said as she descended the front steps to the sidewalk below.

Author's Note

screw it. After all the procrastination and dozen unplanned events that has happened since last upload, I'm just gonna make the last scene I was supposed to add onto the end of this into its own mini chapter (it's roughly 1,700 right now and is only halfway written.) The holiday rush is dying down and I don't have plans for any extended business trips halfway across the U.S. anytime soon, so hopefully the next chapter will be out before the end of the ~~year~~ month. No promises though.

on an unrelated note, I commissioned a piece of artwork for this story. It's sort of based on a scene I want to have included in the second act of the story where the two of them decide to spend an afternoon together as friends that quickly evolves into an unplanned sleepover of sorts, with the next morning ending up like this of course said future scene in at least half a dozen chapters away and probably won't make it into the story depending on how much I decide to change. (I only have up to the point where everypony arrives back home via train set in stone, everything else is just a hot pot of various threads that don't connect with one another let alone have a planned place anywhere in the story.)

B side; track 2

The muffled sound of hooves on the pavement outside beat a rhythm in Rarity’s head that was simultaneously faint and ear-splitting. A rustle beside her and the chill of cold air on dried sweat assailed her as somepony next to her in an unfamiliar bed kicked a blanket's sweaty warmth halfway off her body. She let out a pitiable groan again, finding herself in this situation. As much as she wished to return to the alcohol-induced dreamless sleep, she knew from experience that it was better to gather her bearings before the situation could turn into her usual sort of predicament; An awkward ghosting, a walk of shame, and a humiliating grilling from a one-night stand’s friends or family were all things that could be avoided with quick thinking.

Now, if only she could make herself think. As Rarity’s consciousness returned, she was pleased to find that she was no worse for wear than the last time this sort of thing happened. Trying to remember the previous night was painful enough that it caused her dull headache to gain a sharp edge. She decided it would probably be less agonizing to simply open her eyes and see where she was. A ripple of pain stung behind her eyes at the sight of artificial lighting in a small room. She flinched and slammed her eyelids shut again before she could process what she saw. The rapid changes in perspective threw off her equilibrium, sending her tumbling off the side of the bed.

A small chuckle came from a doorway in which stood a familiar mare with no name that Rarity had attached to the memory of her. “I haven’t seen anypony wake up like that in a while, although I imagine that many do so after spending an evening here.” The mare turned to walk out of the room before continuing, “I made coffee. I had a feeling you two could use some after last night.”

Deciding to embrace the pain, Rarity, with great reluctance, opened her eyes once more. It was a simple room with walls papered in a pastel green adorned with colorful citrus fruit patterns. Rarity and her bedmate were sharing a faux antique queen-sized bed dressed in plain yellow sheets. A couple of birchwood dressers were the only other furnishings. She concluded that the room’s theme was South Marreibean, although there was little commitment to it. A ceiling fan would likely help tie the room together.

Supporting her body against the bed, Rarity forced herself to stand on her four tired legs. She paused to stare at the still-snoring mound bundled in the blankets. “Oh, dear, who was I with last night?” her sluggish brain pondered aloud. Her hangover fought her attempt to remember, but she managed to push through its throbbing objections. “I left that awful bar with—oh stars—Twilight.” Not only was Twilight un-ghostable, being one of her best friends, but she was currently in the city where Twilight’s family lived and could definitely give Rarity the third degree. “Twilight, get up at once,” Rarity stage-whispered. She jostled the sleeping mare, causing the blanket to slide down from her head. The unfamiliar blue-and-grey mane that emerged from beneath the covers was another mystery to her hungover mind. Still, Rarity was nonetheless relieved not to find Twilight beside her.

The blue mess of a unicorn didn’t seem bothered by Rarity's attempts to wake her. Sleepily, she scratched her ear before making a lazy effort to pull the blanket back over her head. Her appearance stirred no memories in Rarity’s mind despite her uncomfortable attempts to recall the sleeping mare.

In a subdued tone meant to be unheard, Rarity said to the completely unaware pony, “Well, Miss Whoever-you-are, as magical as I’m sure last night was, alas, I’ll be returning to my hometown soon and won’t be able to pursue any kind of romantic affair. I think you would agree that it would be less unpleasant for both of us if I weren’t here when you wake up.”

Rarity slipped out through the open door and made her way down the hallway to find the familiar mare who had offered her coffee. Passing the door that led to the kitchen, Rarity found the pony she was looking for, casually reading through a copy of The Canterlot Gazette by hoof while levitating a nearby cup of coffee to her mouth. The sight of the mare levitating a cup jogged a flash of memory about flying glasses filled with colorful beverages. Although the aroma of freshly brewed coffee was enticing, unraveling the mystery of the lost evening held an even greater allure. “Pardon me, Miss…"

“Tropicana,” she replied, taking a small sip from her floating cup. She looked around her paper at Rarity. “There’s about half a pot left if you want any.”

That face, that magic, those cups- the bartender! Rarity found herself at a bar that she and Twilight had stumbled into the night before. The thought that she could have been here more than one night crossed her mind, but a quick glance at the date on the newspaper confirmed it was, in fact, the morning after her and Twilight’s excursion. Had she passed out before or after getting into bed with the blue pony in the other room? Ugh! The hazy pain of her hangover was making it hard to think. And where’s Twilight?

Softly, to avoid aggravating her throbbing head, Rarity asked from the doorway, “Miss Tropicana, I don’t want to impose further on your hospitality, but would you be so kind as to tell me what happened last night? I seem to be missing a few memories, as well as one of my friends.” Not wanting to make Tropicana speak any louder than necessary, Rarity moved to an empty chair at the end of the table opposite Tropicana and took a seat.

“Well, sugar, why don’t you share what you remember, and then I’ll fill in the blanks?” Tropicana said as she placed her cup on the table and folded her newspaper.

“Well, as I recall, early last evening, my friends and I decided to have a ‘night on the town’ as it were,’” Rarity began. She paused, coaxing herself to recall the events of the night before. “We had been directed to an establishment that quickly proved to be entirely unacceptable. I and a dear friend of mine—a unicorn by the name of Twilight Sparkle who has her mane styled into bangs—followed some lights…” Rarity squinted, trying to solidify the vague memory of flashing neon. “to this quaint little bar where I’m fairly certain we first encountered you. I’m afraid that what happened afterward isn’t entirely clear to me right now.”

“I don’t know what happened before you two walked into my place, but the rest of the night went something like this,” Tropicana paused to take another sip of fragrant coffee before continuing, “You and a purple unicorn—Twilight Sparkle, I assume—were already buzzed when you showed up at the bar, bumping into things and almost slipping off your stools.”

Rarity tensed at the thought of who in Canterlot might have seen her in such a state.

“After you both settled in, a pink mare who had been drinking with a group of friends sat down next to her and began chatting her up about…” Tropicana let out a bemused but dainty snort. “...cherries, doughnuts, and other things that were silly, even for drunken rambling.”

‘That definitely sounds like Pinkie Pie, but I would think I’d remember her being with us. She’s really hard to forget.’

Tropicana swirled a forehoof in the air. “At first, I thought they didn’t know each other, but the way they seemed to understand each other’s nonsense I wasn’t sure. Anyway, after a while, the pink one spirited your marefriend away into the night.”

Rarity’s tired eyes blinked open wide. “My marefriend? Surely, you don’t mean Twilight? Oh no, no, no, no!” Rarity shook her head, exacerbating its throbbing. “She and I are quite close, but wherever would you get the idea that we were involved, so to speak?” With a pitiable whine, she worked the muscles in her temples with her hooves.

“You two walked into a mares-only bar on each other’s hips, and I just assumed.” Tropicana hummed. “Usually I am better at spotting couples. Up until she walked out on you, I had thought you two had a certain chemistry. Has anypony ever told you that before?” Her grin was playful but sincere.

Rarity continued to massage her head, her eyes rolling in their sockets. “Only some ancient gems that transform into jewelry and create magical rainbows capable of vanquishing evil gods. A story for another time, perhaps.” Tropicana’s non-committal nod in response suggested just how accustomed she must be to hearing such outlandish tales.

Another fact that she had picked up from the bartender’s story piqued Rarity’s interest. So, this is a mares-only bar, is it? That might explain my choice in bedmates. As she contemplated how to ask her next question, Rarity levitated a mug from the counter and poured herself twelve ounces of bitter energy from Tropicana’s coffee pot. “And how, may I ask, did I come to know the undoubtedly charming unicorn in the back room?”

“You never did,” Tropicana said, her shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. “You begged me to let that little blue straight girl back there sleep it off here, and then when you passed out too, I levitated both of you to my backroom apartment.” She rubbed her horn as she finished, “I gotta say, my horn still feels sore. I’m not used to lifting anything heavier than a fifth.”

A grin of relief curved Rarity’s lips as she took her first sip of decadent black coffee. No walk of shame, no embarrassing chance encounters later, and no worries about being recognized after a sloppy, drunken make-out session in a bar. ‘There is absolutely nothing at all to worry about.’ Her inner sleuth protested, Except for what became of Twilight.

“Miss Tropicana,” Rarity said, leaning over the table, “you mentioned that you saw Twilight leave with a pink mare. Was she an earth pony with a curly mane, three balloons for a cutie mark, and an, shall we say, outgoing demeanor?”

Tropicana gave Rarity a surprised look, “Oh, you know her? Mm hmm, she was an earth pony with a curly mane and an,” she giggled, “outgoing personality. I didn’t catch a glimpse of her flanks, though. I try not to check out the customers' butts unless they’re especially cute, Miss Diamonds.”

“Please, call me—oh!” Rarity bounced in her seat, flushing red as the implication finally registered in her hungover brain. She leveled the squinting frown she often directed at Sweetie Belle at Tropicana.

Tropicana raised a foreleg as if swearing an oath. “I only noticed when I had to lift you off the bar stool you fell asleep on.”

Rarity’s frown softened into an askance disapproving glare. “I suppose that couldn’t be avoided.” She sipped her coffee, and the warm succor melted away her suspicion of the surely angelic creature who had offered it to her. “And I further suppose that a little peek can be forgiven in light of your most gracious hospitality.” She took another draw.

“My, how generous,” Tropicana teased over her mug, savoring the aroma and not deigning to match Rarity’s faster pace of caffeine consumption.

“So they tell me,” Rarity said, finishing her drink with an action too hasty to be called a proper sip. “Unfortunately, while I truly enjoy your company, Miss Tropicana, I fear it would be terribly unkind of me to leave Twilight and Pinkie Pie unaccounted for.”

Tropicana nodded and gazed into her cup before taking a sip from it.

Rarity continued as she stood up from her chair, “Honestly, I don’t know which of the two I should be more concerned about. Why, they might be in the castle dungeon right now after some absurd meringue experiment of theirs went horribly wrong.”

“I hardly know them, and I think that sounds like them,” Tropicana said with a wistful laugh.

Rarity trotted to the doorway and stopped to turn profile and say, “Thank you again, Miss Tropicana, and if you are ever in Ponyville—that’s my home town—do drop in at the Carousel Boutique.”

As Rarity was about to leave down the hall, Tropicana called, “I never did get your name, cutie.”

“I am Rarity,” she offered, bending her knees ceremonially. “But you may call me Miss Diamonds,” she breathed more than said, delivering a sideways thrust of her bejeweled hip toward Tropicana.

“Hey,” croaked an unfamiliar voice behind Rarity, causing her to rear up in surprise with a wah-ha-hah and skitter down the hallway like a frilled lizard. “Watch where you’re pointing that thing.” Colgate shuffled into the now-abandoned doorway with a low chuckle that turned into a pained wince at the sound of her own voice.

“Well, good morning, sleepyhead,” Tropicana sing-songed before taking a leisurely sip of her coffee.

“Not really,” Colgate replied. Upon entering the room, she squinted against the kitchen's artificial lighting. The irresistible scent of fresh coffee lured her to the table without her needing to look up. She inhaled deeply, savoring the aroma, and refilled the cup that Rarity had been using. “But it’s already getting better.”

Cadance and Shining Armor spent most of their walk to the castle lost in thought, distracted only by the sounds of conversations from the crowd of pedestrians on the busy thoroughfare. Finally, Cadance voiced her thoughts. “So, how long do you think it will be before we attend their wedding?” she asked as she noticed two stallions who appeared to be on a date at an outdoor café they passed.

“Huh? Who’s getting married?” Shining replied, tilting his head toward his wife and raising an eyebrow. The worry that he might have forgotten about an upcoming wedding—always a sensitive subject with his wife—gnawed at him.

Cadance chuckled at her husband's reaction before responding, “No pony officially just yet. Your bet last night, along with the fact that Twilight brought a mare home when she was supposed to be out with her friends, has me thinking.”

“Oh no, you’re not doing this, are you?” Shining replied, rolling his eyes. “They couldn’t have been any clearer about not being into each other. Besides, wouldn’t Fluttershy have mentioned it if Twilight had a special somepony? She doesn’t seem like the type to hide something like that.”

Cadance pressed into Shining Armor’s side as she pressed her point. She spoke in a low, conspiratorial tone, “Maybe Fluttershy doesn’t know. You know how Twilight likes to keep anything that embarrasses her quiet.”

“Well, you’re not wrong about that,” Shining conceded, though he still cast a skeptical sideways glance at Cadance.

“And do you really buy their story? I mean, they both know each other from Ponyville, yet they just happened to run into each other here in the big city at a bar completely by chance?” Cadance narrowed her eyes and focused her thoughts on the topic of conversation. “Then, at the end of the night, they stumbled hoof-in-hoof back to your parents’ place when Twilight knew they wouldn’t be home. The more I consider it, the more Twilight’s little adventure sounds like a romantic rendezvous away from the prying eyes of her small-town neighbors.” The smirk on Shining Armor’s face told her that she was losing him. “Don’t you find it suspicious that she would leave her friends behind to get doughnuts with Cheerilee unless that was her plan all along? Twilight makes plans, Shining. She doesn’t just run off without thinking.”

Shining Armor’s cheek twitched, and his gaze shifted away from Cadance to the bustling sidewalk in front of him. He tilted his head to one side and thought for a moment before adding, “Unless she’s completely blitzed like she was last night.”

“Okay, but she only got drunk after arriving in Canterlot. Remember that Fluttershy said Twilight hasn’t had any close stallions since moving to Ponyville. Maybe Fluttershy’s expectations caused her to overlook what was right in front of her,” Cadance insisted with a sly grin. “Besides, you can’t tell me that a young mare with her own place, far from her parents for the first time, wouldn’t do some experimenting. Experimentation is Twilight’s thing, after all,” Cadance giggled.

“Honey, even if you’re right, we really shouldn’t involve ourselves in Twilight’s business-” Shining began, just as a voice called out to them from behind.

“Are we talking about Twilight?” Rarity cantered up to them with a spirited gait from the fenced-off outdoor dining area of a busy coffee shop. She was levitating alongside herself a twelve-ounce cappuccino topped with a generous dollop of frothed fat-free milk, sprinkled with raw cane sugar and dusted with powdered cinnamon. Her practiced magic kept the disposable cup so steady that it seemed to glide on an invisible conveyor belt. “Do pardon the interruption, but I was just searching for our dear Twilight. After getting sufficiently caffeinated to keep me focused through this dreadful hangover, of course.”

Shining Armor noticed a weariness in her eyes, but he had been in a close relationship with a mare long enough to know better than to comment on it. “Oh, uh, hi, Rarity. Cadance and I were just talking about Twilight and her maref-” he began to say before his wife interrupted him.

“We were discussing Twilight and her migraine from last night, weren’t we, dear?” Cadance interjected, accompanied by a glare that could make even her Aunt flinch.

“A ‘migraine,’ hm?” Rarity’s expression remained neutral as her eyes flicked between Shining Armor and Cadance. Her lips formed a polite smile as she continued, “I might borrow that little euphemism to describe my own condition today. If you’ve already seen Twilight this morning, then perhaps you both could ease my mind,” she said, focusing her gaze directly on Shining Armor. “Was Pinkie Pie with Twilight when she arrived at your parents’ place? We got separated at some point, and I worry I’m still at a loss as to how that happened.” Rarity’s smile was benign, but her tired eyes looked at him like an old tomcat waiting outside a mouse hole.

“N-no, Pinkie Pie wasn’t with them,” Shining replied. Cadance stared wide-eyed at her husband, barely restraining herself from rebuking his mistake.

After a beat, Rarity responded, “Them?” Her tone conveyed innocent curiosity, and her expression betrayed no other motive behind the question.

Cadance bit her lip, and Shining Armor thought fast. “You know, Twilight and her enormous headache,” he chuckled as earnestly as he could manage.

Rarity laughed along with him, her eyes knitted shut as if she were enduring the discomfort of her own hangover. “Oh, I’m afraid mine is as big as a pony too, and a rather unpleasant pony at that,” she said, allowing Shining Armor his thin illusion. “But did Twilight tell you where she had been?”

“I’m afraid she didn’t get the chance,” Cadance said, taking over her husband’s part in the conversation. “She passed out before she made it in the door, and the poor thing hasn’t been able to remember anything from last night.”

“I confess that I am having similar memory issues this morning, which is why I’m asking so many questions,” Rarity said as the trio rounded the street onto the main street leading directly to the castle gate. “I do hope that I am not bothering the two of you.”

“Not at all,” Cadance said with a smile that held just a hint of tension in the corners of her eyes. “We’re glad to help.”

“For that, I am most grateful,” Rarity said with genuine affection as they trotted through the arched castle gate, which had likely not been closed in centuries. The silent guards on either side stood at attention for the junior princess. Their walk to the base of the staircase at the foot of the palace passed in silence, apart from their hooffalls on the stone floor and the delicate sips that Rarity would occasionally take from her paper cup of a coffee-like beverage.

As they ascended the steps, Rarity cast a surreptitious glance at the married couple and paused for a moment. At the top landing, she stopped and asked, “Perhaps you could help me with something else. As I’m sure you know, Twilight can be quite reserved when it comes to her personal life. Now, I won’t claim to be a gossip, but I do take pride in keeping my ear to the ground, as they say. Do you have any fun stories about Twilight that I might not have heard yet?” She took a long sip of her cappuccino and waited with bated breath for the couple’s response.

Cadance was taken aback for a moment by the sudden directness and impropriety of Rarity’s question. Shining Armor, however, immediately preferred this to the dance they had been doing. “Sorry, Rarity,” he chuckled. “The Light siblings have a strict “no snitching’ rule.”

Far from being crestfallen as Shining Armor had expected, Rarity’s grin blossomed, the weariness fading from her eyes. “Of course, Darling, I completely understand. I have a little sister myself, you know. I shall simply have to ask Twilight and hope she's in a mood to share.”

“She’ll probably be in the West Wing with her other friends,” Cadance said, guiding Shining toward the East Wing. “But Shining and I still have some paperwork to complete, so we’ll see you later.”

“Oh, dear,” Rarity said with a sympathetic frown that did not erase the excitement written on her face. “You have my condolences. I’ll see you when you’re finished then.” Rarity wheeled about with a “ta-ta” and trotted westward down the main hall.

“Why do I feel like I’ve just been mugged?” Shining Armor asked his wife once they were out of Rarity’s earshot.

Cadance walked on, eyes forward. “Remind me not to entrust you with any crown secrets, Dear.”

In the two weeks since she had been staying at the castle, Rarity had developed more than a passing familiarity with its layout. During this trip she spared no thought to the stylized columns, the towering tapestries, or the elegant abstract sculptures of The Princess that adorned the West Wing hall. Her mind was completely occupied with what she had recently learned.

‘So, Twilight has a secret, and it must be a juicy one if she has her brother sworn to silence about it,’ Rarity thought as she walked between a pair of guards on patrol in their shiny ceremonial armor. ‘While we mustn’t jump to conclusions, it might very well be in regard to what Twilight did last night after we parted company. Now, what could Twilight have gotten up to?’

As a reflex, Rarity turned down the corridor that led to the suites where she and her friends had been staying in the palace. Rarity continued to deduce as she trotted on, her mind barely registering that no noise came from the rooms she passed. ‘It would be quite unlike Twilight to engage in any sort of criminal mischief. She is far too devoted to She-Who-Makes-the-Law to ever break it, not to mention that Twilight is as conscientious as any pony I know. In her inebriated state, could she have-’

Rarity was drawn out of her thoughts by the sight of the last door in the corridor—the one that opened into the suite where Rainbow Dash was staying—slightly ajar. Rainbow Dash wasn't her usual go-to friend for gossip, but the direct and frank aerobat made a marvelous sounding board for bouncing ideas off. Rarity trotted toward the open door, thinking, ‘No, the secret is almost certainly not of an incriminating nature, especially considering the light tone in which dear Shining Armor mentioned it. It's embarrassing then, something that an older sibling might find amusing.’

She peeked into the room and sing-songed, “Yoo-hoo, Rainbow Dash?” She nudged the door open to reveal a laundry cart standing in the middle of the high-ceilinged, sunlit front room of the suite. Out of the adjoining bathroom, carrying a stack of wet towels on her back, stepped not Rainbow Dash but a chambermaid. Rarity felt a pang of sympathy for her rumpled Maresian-style uniform, which had been worn for too long that day. She had to suppress the urge to offer the maid a makeover when she noticed the tired look in her eyes and the several strands of black hair that had come loose from her bun.

The maid gave Rarity a quick and shallow curtsy that nearly caused the towels to slide off her back. “Good morning, Miss,” the girl said. Rarity always appreciated the touch of class that the castle’s staff consistently provided, and this particular maid, with the black-and-white colors of her uniform and her coat and mane, reminded Rarity of an old photograph depicting a scene from a glamorous hotel.

“Good morning,” Rarity replied with a smile that masked her aching head. “Would you happen to know where I can find the other guests staying in this wing? Here, let me help.” Despite her hangover, Rarity’s magic was skilled enough to float the towels from the maid’s back to the hamper on the cart, easing the burden for both the weary servant and her tired dress.

“Thank you, Miss,” the chambermaid replied with a nod. “Her Majesty, Princess Luna, is currently entertaining several guests in the servants’ mess hall in the West Wing. Would you like me to take you there?”

“Please, I would be most grateful,” Rarity said, stepping back into the corridor to clear the way for the maid.

Leaving her cart in Rainbow Dash’s room, the maid walked to the door and past Rarity into the corridor. Her weary legs told the tale of a night spent cleaning, dusting, and bed-making. None the less, she seemed eager to go. “This way, Miss.”

Rarity trailed behind the maid to let her set her own pace, recognizing that this walk served as a late break for her. ‘None know the happenings in a home better than the help does, they say. Perhaps the maid knows something, and she would surely welcome a chat.’ “Perhaps you could also assist me with another matter,” Rarity said to the ear that the maid had turned in her direction. “Last night, my friends and I went out for an evening on the town. For reasons that escape me at the moment, Miss Twilight Sparkle and another pony,” Maybe Pinkie Pie, maybe not, Rarity thought, “left the bar we were patronizing and went to her old home in town, and I haven’t seen them since.” Rarity noticed that both of the maid’s ears were now pointed toward her. “Um, you’ve been awake for a while, I assume. Might you know what happened to them?”

An undignified noise met Rarity’s ears. It had been quiet, but she was sure she heard it. The maid had snorted—it was the kind of snort that rises involuntarily when somepony fails to stifle a laugh in time.

“No, Miss, I’m sorry,” she replied. From her position in the maid’s wake, Rarity could see the twitch of a smile at the corner of her lips as she spoke.

“But you have an idea, an amusing one. Tell me, darling, what were you thinking?” Rarity pressed, leveling her piercing eyes at the maid.

Worried that she had overstepped, the maid stopped in her tracks and made the mistake of looking Rarity in the eyes. “N-nothing, Miss,” she said, her voice slightly louder than before. “I don’t know your friend, and I didn’t mean to imply anything.”

“Suggest what, dear?” Rarity asked in a calm but pointed tone.

“Nothing—that is,” she stammered. As Rarity waited, the maid took a breath. “I used to work at a hotel,” she said at length, “and when a pony meets another pony at the bar and takes him back to her room, it’s usually because they’re going to…” She trailed off at the sight of Rarity’s eyes dilating and her jaw going slack.

“Of course,” Rarity exclaimed. “Why, that would explain everything!”

The maid breathed a sigh of relief and slumped, the weariness in her posture returning.

Rarity continued, “How did I not think of this before? It must be this blasted ha- um, migraine. Ohhh,” she danced in place on the tips of her hooves, “it’s wonderful to think that Twilight is finally allowing herself to pursue amour.” Her dancing came to an abrupt halt. “If that is indeed what happened, we mustn’t get ahead of ourselves,” she finished with her nose in the air.

“Of course not, Miss,” the maid humored her eccentric guest.

Rarity smiled. “I am truly grateful for the insight, Miss…”

“Turn Down, Miss,” the maid said with a polite nod.

“Turn Down, you may call me Rarity. Now, let us off to the servants’ mess. If Twilight and Pinkie Pie are there, we can get the rest of the story straight from the horse’s mouth, as they say.” Rarity began trotting in the direction they had been walking, and Turn Down ran after her to regain the lead.

Rarity and Turn Down stood before a plain set of double doors made of pine—the entrance to the servants’ mess hall in the West Wing. A muffled yet boisterous female voice echoed from beyond the doors. Rarity turned to her companion and asked, “Are you sure you wouldn't like to join me and see this mystery unfold? You’re more than welcome.”

“I apologize, Miss Rarity,” the maid responded. “It’s been a very long night, and I need to finish with the suites before I can retire for the day. I’m on night shift again tomorrow, and I need to be rested.”

“Of course, darling, I understand completely,” Rarity said with a nod.

Turn Down curtsied with a “Good day, Miss," and turned to leave. Rarity called after her, “If we happen to meet again tomorrow, I'll share the whole story.” This earned her a brief but genuine smile from the retreating maid, who soon rounded the corner to the main hall.

At the door, Rarity mentally prepared herself for Pinkie Pie’s inevitable well-meaning but likely overwhelming cheerfulness. Exhaling, she pushed her hoof against the door in front of her, her mind still too hazy to focus her magic on more than the now lukewarm cappuccino she still held in her telekinetic grasp. As she pushed into the dining room, the animated voice of Pinkie Pie grew clearer and, to the dismay of Rarity’s throbbing head, louder. Every friend group has one pony who is immune to hangovers, and, naturally, that pony in our group could only be Pinkie Pie.

“Then I said, ‘I call it, The Aristocrats!’” Pinkie finished the joke that she had been telling to a pair of groans.

“Ugh, seriously, Pinkie? It’s, like, noon-thirty, and having to deal with your- your Pinkiness and a headache the size of Equestria at the same time is not cool.” Rainbow Dash held her hooves against her flattened ears and rested her chin on the table.

Pinkie Pie stared at Rainbow Dash and deadpanned. “Haven’t you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?” Rainbow Dash just rolled her eyes, which Pinkie hardly seemed to notice. “Well, have no fear, ‘cause Nurse Pinkie Pie is here to help you feel better,” Pinkie declared with a slam of her hoof on the table for emphasis, causing both Rainbow Dash and Applejack to wince in pain.

“Sorry to burst your bubble, sugarcube, but there ain’t no proper treatment fer a hangover but time,” Applejack offered with a kind but pained half-smile.

Looking past the far end of the long table and bench where Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and a now-disappointed Pinkie Pie were sitting, Rarity noticed only two other ponies—Fluttershy, who was clapping her hooves in applause, and Princess Luna, who was conjuring a revolting shadow illusion to accompany her retelling of the gruesome aftermath of some dreadful battle or another. Rarity cleared her throat to capture the room's attention before speaking, “Good morning, my fellow sufferers—well, as good as can be expected, anyway. Is Twilight about? Surely she accompanied Pinkie here?”

Pinkie Pie shook her head with a sound that reminded Rarity of Mooriella’s bell. “Twilight’s not here, and neither is Shirley. Last night,” Pinkie explained while climbing onto the table to boop Rarity on the nose, “you and Twilight left because I think somepony was making you all—grrr,” Pinkie growled, gnashing her teeth. “I only took these two with me last night after they got way too partied out.” Pinkie illustrated her claim by lifting Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s weary heads off the table—one under each foreleg—and presenting their faces to Rarity.

“She speaks true,” Princess Luna declared from the far head of the table, the gruesome image in front of her transformed into a child-friendly depiction of an alligator brushing its teeth. “Fluttershy and I did pass much of the morning by endeavoring to instruct Pinkie Pie in the art of reptile dental hygiene.”

“I’m afraid we’re too late to help Gummy,” Fluttershy said with a guilty frown, “but it never hurts to learn such an important skill.”

‘So, Shining Armor was telling the truth. Pinkie Pie really never was with Twilight,’ Rarity ruminated. ‘If Twilight did indeed leave the bar with a, um, partner last night, then that partner is a complete stranger. Of course, I trust Pinkie Pie to not take advantage of Twilight in her condition, but who knows what dastardly deeds some brutish barfly might have inflicted upon poor, innocent, sloshed Twilight?’ “Oh dear. I hope that Twilight, wherever she is, is alright,” Rarity stated, only to notice, to her great confusion, that Pinkie had managed to pilfer Rarity’s cup of cappuccino from her still-glowing aura and was just then slamming its sugary, caffeinated goodness down her throat. So baffled was Rarity that she failed to notice the double doors swinging open to admit Twilight Sparkle.

“Is everypony talking about me?” a clean but weary Twilight asked as she trotted into the mess hall with a stack of three pink cardboard boxes balanced on her back. “I brought doughnuts in case anypony is hungry,” she added with a backward nod of her head toward her load.

Author's Note

It's been forever. Sorry for the wait, guys; I've been busy bouncing from job to job and dealing with other personal things. Mainly my grandpa's death and the drama that came with it due to old family drama being dug up and new drama starting when it came to his funeral and belongings. I hope to get the next chapter out sometime within the month, but we'll see.

I've also started posting on A03 under the same name; I've been writing some persona stuff on that account, so if you like the series, go check it out.

Hopefully, updates will be more regularly scheduled from here on out.