"Have a wonderful day Mr. Damascus!"

"You too ma'am."

"Oh dear, just call me Ivory."

"I will not do that actually, see ya!"

After the last statement he shits the door to the town hall. That was...... grueling to say the least. He got that paperwork was boring but jeez it was worse than he initially thought. Now.... where did she say the house was? It was "To the left of the library of you are standing in front of it. The mailbox will have the number "271" on it." Seemed easy enough.

As that thought came into his head there was suddenly a blur of pink in front of him.

"HI,INOTICEDYOUWERENEWHEREANDSINCEYOURENEWIWANTTOINVITEYOUTOAPARTYMYNAMEISPINKIEPIEANDALSOWELCOMETOPONYVILLENOWIHAVETOGOPLANAPARTYBYE!"

At the end of that rush of a sentence Twisted is handed a flyer. But before he looks at that though he can't help but wonder what the hell just happened. Was that a pony? How did they move that fast? How did they TALK that fast?

"What the fuck."

He said that more to himself than to anybody around him. Um, she gave him a flyer right? Let's look at that.

It was a simple flyer decorated with illustrations of balloons and confetti. The title read "GILDA'S WELCOME TO PONYVILLE PARTY/ NEE PONY'S WELCOME TO PONYVILLE PARTY! The caption under it read, "Don't be late!"

So, he just got invited to a party apparently? That uh, happened he guesses. He thinks he's gonna go find that house now.

A few minutes of walking later...

It has now just occured to him that he had no idea where the library was. He was yet again going to have to ask somebody. He looks around the area and spots that apple cart he had spotted earlier, the one that was selling apples. He supposed he don't mind something to eat either.

grrrrrr....

Ah, looks like he REALLY needed something to eat. He had no idea how he was only just realizing. He supposed he could use a few apples.

As he walks to the apple cart he notices the same pony he saw earlier attending it, now that he was closer he could actually make them out, though it was still obvious they were wearing a cowboy hat. The mare had an orange coat and yellow mane, and as he said earlier, donning a cowboy hat. He couldn't make out her cutie mark from here.

"Excuse me."

The mare now only notices your presence and looks down at you.

"Well howdy there little feller! You need somethin'?"

"Yeah. How much are those apples?"

"Why they're only two bits a piece," she says with a smile

"Oh, well I'll take three then."

After saying that he takes 6 bits out of his saddlebag and gives it to the mare. The mare then gives him three apples, which he promptly puts in his saddlebags.

"Say, I don't think I've seen you round these parts before, you new here?"

"Oh, just came here today yeah."

"Oh well that's just swell! If you don't mind me asking, why are you uh... covered in muck?"

"May or may not have fell off of a hill, don't ask."

Upon saying that, her face gains a look of slight suspicion, but after a moment it seems like she brushes it off.

"Well, I'm might sorry about that. You okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine. Oh! Would you happen to know where the library is?"

"Well I sure do! One of ma friends lives there actually. It's just thatta way."

She points to Twisted's left.

"Ma friends name is Twilight Sparkle, why don't you give her a hello since you're new round here?"

"Uh, sure I guess. What's it look like?"

At that she gives a look of amusement.

"Well, it's mighty hard to miss."

"That doesn't really tell me what it looks like ma'am," he gives her a deadpan look.

"Uh, well, it's a giant tree," she says

"Thanks"

Twisted then starts to walk off.

"Partner wait a moment!"

"*sigh*. What?"

"What's your name?"

"Twisted....just Twisted."

"The name's Applejack, but you can call me AJ. Hope to see you around!"

"Ok"

Applejack looks at the little colt walking.away with a curious and slightly shocked look on her face.

"That was mighty bit odd..." she says, watching the colt walk away.

Yet another few minutes of walking later...

So, that tree earlier was actually something of importance. Though he doubted it wasn't considering, y'know, it's a giant fucking tree. Also he was not going to say hi to this "Twilight Sparkle" because frankly, he just wanted a shower. He doubted that the library had a working shower. As he was instructed by the mayor, Ivory or whatever her name was, he went left from the library. After searching for a little while he found the mailbox with the numbers "271" on it, then proceeded to approach the doorway. He couldn't believe it, he had A HOUSE. LIKE HE WAS JUST IN THE FOREST AND NOW HE OWNS A HOUSE. Like, the chances are close to impossible. Like he just happens to find a shitpoad of cash right before he finds a town?!?! The chances are astronomical.

After that whole tirade of him comprehending the ridiculousness of his situation, he opens the door and steps inside. When he steps into the house he is greeted by a tiny hallway. Just a little corner that lead to the living room. Branching off from that was the kitchen. It looked pretty nice overall, though he didn't really care about the layout. The furniture in the room were covered in plastic sheets. Seems like nobody had had the house for a while with the layer of dust covering them.

On the other side of the living room was a staircase, which obviously lead to the upstairs. There were 4 doors in total, one led to a bedroom. One led to a second bedroom, what he assumed was a guest one. Third one led to a room that was actually empty, he guesses that one didn't really have a purpose yet. The fourth and final one lead to, yes! A b a t h r o o m. Oh he was so about to get his shower on.

An hour of "getting his shower on" later...

Unfortunately, he ran out of hot water. What could he say, he enjoyed long showers.

After that, he headed back down to the living room after drying off. He takes the plastic sheet off of the couch and sits down on it. Oh my Faust it was sooooo comfy. He's never getting off this couch. Never. After laying on there for a bit he realized he was still hungry, and it had only gotten worse since he stopped at the apple cart. Speaking of apples, he did still have those.

He then reaches into his saddlebags and pulls the three apples out and, huh? Oh right, the pink blur lady, what was it, "Cream Pie" or something. She was talking a little fast...... ok, a LOT fast. It was only about 15 minutes from now actually. He tosses the thought out of his head for a minute while he finishes eating the apples. He takes the plastic sheet off of the coffee table and places the spent apple cores on it.

Oh right, the party thing. It was a welcome party or something. Sheesh, did they do this for everybody that visited the town? He can't imagine having to pay for all that. Though they did make a party just for him and some lady named "Gilda" so he assumed it would be rude not to go. Where did this thing say it was? Located at "Sugarcube Corner" with a picture of a weirdly proportioned gingerbread house on the back. Oh wait! He's seen that before, he still had to see whether it was made out of real ginger bread or not though...

Well now there's only about 10 minutes left until the party so he supposes he better get going.

Yet ANOTHER time skip later MWAHAHAHA (about 10 minutes or so)

He has arrived, and even the front door looked like it was made of gingerbread. He would take a bite but the door was already opened and there were other ponies inside. He would have to taste test later.

"Hi new pony!"

Aaaaand the blur was back, this time she was less of a blur though thank Faust. Now that he could actually see her, well she was just all pink. Light pink coat, dark pink hair, the only things that weren't pink were her baby blue eyes and cutie mark with three balloons on it, what he assumed meant partying or something.

"Uh, hi."

"Well? No need to be shy! Step right in!"

As Twisted stepped into the room he could a few ponies he'd seen before, there was Applejack talking with some fancy mare with a white coat and quite noticable purple hair. There was the yellow and pink pegasus that the griffin had shouted at earlier, talking with a, wow, that lady was really purple. It was a unicorn with a light purple coat and dark purple hair with a streak of what looked like hot pink through it, including her tail.

Sadly he didn't recognize anyone else at the party though, so he kind of just wandered off into a corner and browsed through the snacks. While doing that and totally not eavesdropping in on other ponies conversations he could hear the yellow and purple one talking to each other.

"You've met Gilda right?" the purple one said, "What's she like?"

Gilda? On yeah, that was on the poster too.

"Oh, um, well, I'll tell you later, Twilight."

Wait.... Twilight, Twilight Sparkle? Yeah Applejack said to talk to her. Well trust me he totally would but she was preoccupied talking with somebody else right now. Nothing he could do about it.

When he looks away from the snack table he sees, oh Faust, it was the griffin again. He really hoped that little encounter earlier didn't come back to bite him now. The griffin exchanges words with uh, what should he call her, he'll call her blur he guesses, it was better than Pie. Once their conversation is done they shake hooves/claws, or at least attempt to. After the griffin touches the blur's hoof, she reels back in, quite literally, shock. He thought something was seriously wrong for a second until blur had revealed that she had a joy buzzer in her hoof.

After that, a, what the fuck. That is the most colorful pony he has ever seen. The lady had a light blue coat, and a literal rainbow mane and tail. He didn't really look at her cutie mark at that moment since he was just go smacked at how insanely colorful she was. She and the griffin exchanges words, they actually seemed to be friends. He decides he's had enough eavesdropping and leaves them for the punch bowl. Until all of a sudden he is pulled aside by a pink hoof.

"Everypony! I'd like you all to meet Gilda and- what's your name?"

"Wait when did I get here. Oh! Uh, Twisted."

"And Twisted! Gilda here is a long time friend of Rainbow Dash's, and Twisted has just moved in. Let's give them all a warm welcome to Ponyville!"

After she says that, all the ponies begin to cheer. After that dies down, she leads us both to a dining table. Wait a minute, that was Gilda? Well the name does surprisingly fit actually. His train of thought is interuppted by blur telling them to "help themselves".

"Lemon Vanilla Drops. Don't mind if I do."

After that, Gilda walks to the table, takes one of the drops, and pops it into her mouth. Upon doing that her face suddenly scrunches up and gets red.

"HOT!"

The colorful pony from earlier shout at her.

"G! The punch!" she says while pointing towards the punch bowl.

Gilda rushes over to the punch bowl and immediately tries to guzzle down one of the glasses of punch. The liquid did not reach her mouth however, instead it dribbled straight onto her chest. After the whole thing the ponies at the party laughed and Gilda seemed to be slightly embarrassed. Served her right he thinks.

"Well, waddya know, pepper in the vanilla lemon drops, and the punch served in a dribble glass!" the blur proceeds to say

"Ha! Priceless! Priceless!" the rainbow one says

Gilda then gulps down the cup of punch next to the other one and gasps.

"Yeah, hilarious."

What went on after that a couple of more pranks being pulled on her throughout the party. There was a box of those snake things that jumped out of cans and relighting candles on the birthday cake.

After those two pranks had occured it was the for a party game: pin the tail on the pony. Usually you would walk forward, take your best guess at where the back of the pony was, and pin the tails to see how close you got. This was not what happened however, as the blur was turning Gilda around so she could pint the tail. She instead went the opposite direction claiming the blur was trying to prank her. Instead of getting to the poster however, she ended up crashing into a bunch of stuff and falling over. When she got up however, she proceeded to have an outburst.

"This is your idea of a good time? I've never met a lamer bunch of dweebs in all my life! And Pinkie Pie, you! You are queen lame-o with your weak little party pranks! Did you really think you could make me lose my cool? Well, Dash and I have ten times as much cool as the rest of you put together! Come on Dash, we're bailing on this pathetic scene."

The rainbow one, who I presumed was the "Dash" she was referring to, answered her.

"You know Gilda, I was the one who set up those party pranks. So I guess I'm the queen lame-o huh?"

"Dash, c'mon, you're joshing me right?"

"They weren't even all meant for you specifically, it was just dumb luck that you set them all off."

"No way! I-it was Pinkie Pie! She set up this party to make a fool out of me!" Gilda said, now getting noticably more nervous.

"Me?" the mare who I finally knew as Pinkie Pie said stepping in, "I threw this party to improve your attitude. I thought a good party might turn that frown upside-down!"

"And you sure didn't need help making a fool of yourself." said Dash, speaking up again "You know, this is not how I thought my old friends would treat my new friends. If being cool is all you care about, maybe you should go find some new cool friends someplace else."

"Well- yeah? Well you, you... you are such a, a flip-flop, cool one minute and lame the next. When you decide not to be lame anymore, gimme a call," Gilda says as she goes out the door and flies away.

"Um, that was awkward," somepony said aloud.

Dash then proceeds to step in front of the crowd.

"I'm sorry everypony, for bringing Gilda here. I didn't know how rude she was. And Pinkie Pie, I'm really sorry she ruined that awesome party you put on for her."

"Hey! If you want to hang out with party-poopers that's your business," Pinkie says.

"Well, if it's no problem. I'd rather hang out with you. No hard feelings?"

"No hard feelings."

"This is till kind of awkward," Twisted says aloud.

Everypony just kind of shrugs off what he says.

After that, Twilight walks up to Pinkie Pie and says a few words to her. He didn't really hear what they said but Pinkie Pie tells everypony that there was still "a whole lotta party to finish".

Soon enough everypony is going back to what they were doing. Including Twisted, who was going to back to totally not eavesdropping on ponies at the snack table. Sadly nobody had anything interesting to say. So he decided he was gonna get him a slice of that cake. Sadly he was interuppted by somebody approaching him.

"So, you're new here?"

Upon turning around he discovered a, what the fuck is that. Is that, like, a lizard.

"Uh, yeah. If you don't mind me asking, are you like, a lizard?"

"Nope! I'm a dragon!" the dragon guy says, putting his fist on his chest.

"There is no way in Tartarus you're a dragon. Like, aren't they supposed to be like, huge?"

"Well, I'm just a young one, I haven't been around that long yet. Once I grow up through I'm gonna be the biggest and fiercest dragon of all time!"

"Arent y'all supposed to be like, enemies against ponies or some shit?"

"Whoa! Geez buddy watch your language! But yeah most of us are. I was just raised around ponies. Twilight hatched me out of an egg."

"Twilight as in, Twilight Sparkle right?"

"You know her?"

"No, somebody named Applejack said I should visit her or something."

"AJ told you? Hm, well if you ever want to stop by or anything we live at the library "

"Wait, live?"

"Yeah!" the dragon said

"That's uh... why?"

"Twilight really likes books," the dragon says with a deadpan

"Nothing wrong with books."

"Well no, but she can get a little obsessed sometimes."

"Um... ok. Is there anything else I should know about?"

"Well, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow dash occasionally pull pranks around town, so watch out for that I guess. Besides that I don't really think anything else."

"Ok, cool."

After that they both kind of just stand around in awkward silence, until thankfully, somebody arrives to save the day. Though he could have done without the spontaneous nature of it.

"Hi!"

All of the sudden once again there she is again, the blur, somehow in front of him in a split second. Just between me and you I'm pretty sure he almost punched her in the face judging by the way his hoof suddenly flinched backwards.

"Could you like, not do that?"

"Do what?"

"The uh, the suddenly appear in front of me thing."

He is suddenly interrupted by Spike.

"That's one of her things man, you're gonna have to get use to it."

All he received in response was Twisted looking at him for a long moment, then slowly looking back at Pinkie Pie with a deadpan look.

"What do you want?"

"Well you are the guest of honor. I thought you might want to do some party games!"

"If it's anything like what happened earlier than I dont think I want to."

"Oh dont worry, I'm pretty sure mean ol' Gilda set off all the pranks."

"Pretty sure?"

"O K well maybe not all of them. Dashy doesnt usually go lightly on the pranks."

"Who? Oh yeah, the colorful one. If she's setting up things like that I'm hesitant to even touch the floor."

"Hmmmm, be right back!"

"Wha-"

And then she was gone in the blink of an eye. A quick look around the room and he could see that she was talking to Dash. After a few words are exchanged Dash looks at him for a moment, then looks back and keeps talking to Pinkie Pie. He thinks it couldn't have been more obvious they were talking about him. After a minute Pinkie Pie zooms back over to him.

"Ok! Dashie says that were no more left, so you should be fine."

Looking back at Dash, Twisted can see her silently giggling to herself. Upon looking back at him though, she acts like she wasn't doing anything literally a few seconds ago. He just gives her a deadpan look.

"Ok I dont know if you just don't see her silently giggling to herself over there or if you're just in on it, but frankly I just don't believe that."

After hearing that she looks to Dash, then looks back at Twisted.

"She doesn't look like she's doing it to me."

"B-because she- oh nevermind."

"I'll play if the game wasnt already set up beforehand. Like not something that was already here at the beginning of the party."

"I can do that!"

While she was doing that, Twisted was finally going to get a slice of that glorious cake. He gets a slice of the cake, puts it on a paper plate, and sits down at the nearest table. Now he was finally going to- oh COME ON. IT WAS CHOCALATE. Listen, it's not that hale doesn't like chocolate. He just didnt like it in a cake.

"*sigh*"

Back to the snack table he presumes. On the way there he puts the plate onto the snack table to look like it was supposed to be picked up. He didn't want to be wasteful of course.

By the time he's at the snack table Pinkie Pie was already back and in his face again. Of course.

"I JUST GOT THE BEST IDEA!"

"Please don't yell in my ears."

"Sorry, but I just got the bestest most fantastical idea!"

"What's the idea Pinkie Pie," he says in the most monotone voice he can muster.

"charades...."

"That's, fine actually."

"Yay!"

After that Pinkie turns around and acknowledges everybody in the room.

"Everypony listen up! We're going to be playing charades!"

"That sounds fun," he hears from somebody in the crowd. Also, somepony? Ponies actually say that, I mean, there was a dragon in here too. Maybe he just hasn't been keeping up with the trends lately considering he's been in a forest for a year and a half.

One game of charades later...

I'm too lazy to write the whole thing

"Why did nobody except one get the cockatrice? Like I even pulled you up there for it."

The one he is talking to is the dragon, Spike, he met earlier.

"Dude, most ponies probably don't even know what a cockatrice is."

Upon hearing this Twisted gets a perplexed look on his face.

"They literally turn people to stone. How do you not?"

"They what?"

"Wh- c'mon man. How did only a single pony get it."

"Well, Fluttershy is kind of an animal expert."

"It shouldn't matter if you're an animal expert. They turn you to stone. How is that not noteworthy?"

Spike just shrugs. Twisted yet again gets a deadpan look on his face. Suddenly he hears a voice.

"Spike!"

Upon hearing this Spike turns around and is greeted by Twilight.

"It's getting pretty late, we should start heading home."

"But Twiiilight, it's a party! Can't we just stay a little longer?"

"Well..."

Twilight looks at the clock on the wall.

"Ten or fifteen minutes should be fine, but after that I don't want to hear any complaining."

"Sweet! Oh, Twilight! This is Twisted!"

"Oh, hi! That was quite the show you put on earlier."

Twisted, still with a deadpan look, responds.

"It's a cockatrice, how else was I supposed to show it?"

"Um, I don't know actually."

"I'm surprised you of all ponies didn't get it. You are a librarian aren't you?"

Hearing this, Twilight gets a distressed look on her face.

"Oh my Celestia you're right! I should know this! Spike! I'm going back to the library, I expect you to be back when I said! I think I'm slacking off on my studies!"

After she says that, there is a sudden *pop* and a flash of light, Twisted assumes she teleported out of the room.

"It- it wasn't that serious jeez."

"Told you she could get obsessive," Spike chimes back in.

"Shut up."

10-15 minutes later...

"See ya later Twisted!"

"Maybe!" he replies back

After a few more "welcome to ponyville's" along with a quiet one from the "Fluttershy" mentioned earlier he leaves the party and goes to his newly acquired home. He has no complaints about it, it was roomy and, y'know, it had a bed. It was a huge improvement from the forest.

Speaking of that bed, he didnt know if it was because he hadn't slept on one in the longest time but it was comfortable as shiiit. He cant help but think about before, before he went to this town, before he went to that forest. He knew he dreamed, he just never remembered it. He was glad that he didn't though.

Because most likely,

They're all nightmares

Author's Note

Biggest one so far, forgive me if there are grammar mistakes.