Out To Lunch

by Someguy458

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Doctor Whooves, Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Spike, Random
Length: 2430

The universe won't let Andy Syntyche meet Twilight or her friends.

Andrew Syntyche has appeared in Equestria. He doesn't know how he got there, or why, but he's not complaining. He simply can't wait to meet his favorite mare from the show, Twilight Sparkle.

That is, if only he could get an opportunity to meet her — or any of her friends, for that matter.

Just a fun story I'm working on in between other projects.

"Syntyche" pronounced "SIHN-tih-tshee".

Published 2021-12-07 09:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-13 15:29:55 UTC

Chapter 1: Chasing the (Twi)Light

The first time it happened, Andy thought nothing of it.

He went up to the library, mulling over what he'd say to her. After all, it wasn't as if he could just walk up to her and say, "Hi, my name's Andy Syntyche, and I'm a human from a universe where you're a cartoon character! It's nice to meet you!"

It'd been nearly a week since he appeared in the Whitetail Woods. At first, he was understandably confused to find himself as a beige Earth Pony with red hair, magenta eyes, and a three-leaf clover for a Cutie Mark. But once he realized what was going on, he became incredibly excited with the prospect of being in Equestria. Now was his chance to meet Twilight Sparkle and her friends!

But his first priority right then was to find a place to stay. So after he got used to movement as an equine, he made his way into town. After a bit of searching, he found a job as a cashier at Barnyard Bargains. It wasn't much, but it paid enough to get him a room in the local hotel.

He'd kinda hoped he'd be able to run into them naturally, but as the week went on, it became more and more apparent that it wasn't going to happen. So he gathered his courage and decided to find them himself, starting with Twilight.

Which led him here, walking to the library during his lunch break while trying to decide how he was going to introduce himself.

But when he arrived at the library, he realized introductions would have to wait, because it was closed. A sign on the front of the door read, 'Out to lunch.'

Andy sighed, disappointed but understanding. "That's okay, I'll just come back later." With nowhere else to go, he turned around and headed back to work.

The second time, he thought it was nothing more than a coincidence.

It was 5 that evening, and he was just wrapping up his shift. Filthy Rich came out from the back, smiling at him around a small sack of bits. "Good work today, Syntyche."

"Thanks, Mr. Rich," he wiped his brow. Filthy counted out twenty six bits for the day's work (two more than the minimum wage), and Andy happily took them, leaving for the day.

As he left, he scanned the crowd instinctively. He could see Lyra and Bon Bon walking together, Roseluck watering her garden, —

He froze. For just a brief moment, he saw her among the ponies, walking towards downtown.

Twilight Sparkle.

Andy nearly dropped everything as he suddenly took off, navigating the crowd as quickly as he could towards where he last saw her. He bobbed and weaved among the ponies, calling out apologies as he went.

He could see her now; she was much closer, but still walking away from him.

But before he could reach her, a pony pulling a cart of garbage happened to cross in front of him, and he crashed into the side.

The pony pulling the cart glared back at him. "Hey, watch where yer goin'; ya coulda tipped over ma cart!"

Andy rubbed his aching head. "Sorry, ma'am," he said absently, before regaining his bearings and rounding the cart.

Twilight was nowhere to be seen, lost amongst the crowd.

Andy mentally cursed his misfortune. He wasn't familiar enough with downtown Ponyville to even guess where Twilight could be headed. Twice in one day, he'd missed an opportunity to talk to Twilight.

Head hung low, he started the walk back to his hotel room.

The third time it happened, however...

It was the next day, and Andy was out in town, trying to enjoy his Saturday. He was seated at the local café, drinking a coffee (it doubled as practice for holding things with hooves, too) and watching the ponies walk by.

That's when he spotted Twilight and Spike from across the street. Twilight was looking over a list, while Spike was carrying several cans of bug repellent in his arms for some reason.

Andy realized he had another opportunity, and seized it. Leaving enough bits on the table to pay for his drink, he got up and began trotting over toward the two — the crowd wasn't nearly as dense as yesterday, and he didn't want to run into anything again.

But as he approached, one of Spike's cans of spray fell out of his arms and onto the ground. Time Turner, who happened to be passing by, accidentally stepped onto it, causing him to slip and fall straight into Andy, knocking them both down.

Time Turner quickly stood up. "Oh, sorry about that, my good fellow," he said in a light british accent. "I mustn't have been looking where I was going."

Andy got to his hooves as well, rubbing his aching head. That was certainly going to leave a bruise. "No, it was my fault; I was just trying to..." He trailed off when he looked where Twilight and Spike were, realizing that they'd already disappeared. He groaned in frustration, kicking the dirt.

"My word, are you alright?" The doctor looked concerned.

Andy huffed. "For some reason, every time I try to talk to Twilight, something always stops me!"

Time Turner pondered this for a second. "Have you tried asking one of her friends to send a message?"

Andy blinked. "No, I haven't! That's a great idea!" After he picked up the spray, he ran off, calling back, "Thanks, Doctor!"

"You're welcome!" Time Turner shouted as well. He turned to leave, but froze. "Wait, how did he know I'm a doctor?"

Andy knew of one pony he could likely ask to send a message: Applejack. Her family had that apple stand in the marketplace, after all.

Though, thinking back on it, he hadn't seen her at it once since he'd arrived.

And it seemed like this time was no different, as the stand was closed altogether. "Aw, what?!" Andy complained.

"Yeah," approached a mare with carrots for a Cutie Mark, "it's a shame they're havin' to close down the stand on account of the locusts."

"Locusts?!" Andy was both concerned, frustrated, and a little confused.

"Not just any locusts, though," another pony, a purple mare with grapes and a strawberry for a Cutie Mark, piped up. "I hear these ones can eat pony flesh!"

A stallion in the crowd called out, "No they can't, Berry!"

"Can so!" The mare called back, swaying unevenly.

"How much punch have you had today?!"

"That's none of your business!"

Andy decided to leave before things spiralled out of control.

"What is going on?!" Andy asked himself later that day, laying outstretched on his back across his bed. "All six of the Elements and Spike are helping at Sweet Apple Acres, and Granny isn't allowing anyone on the property until the locusts are gone!" He'd tried to get Granny to deliver the message, but her hearing aid would always act up at the worst times. He eventually got too frustrated, gave her the can of spray that Spike had dropped, and left.

He shifted so that he was laying on his belly now. "Why can't I seem to get a chance to talk to Twilight? And why haven't I even SEEN her friends?! Am I doing something wrong? Am I just... really unlucky?"

He glanced down at his Cutie Mark, a three-leaf clover. "I mean, that'd explain my Cutie Mark...."

Now that he thought about it, he'd always been rather unlucky all his life. From getting hit by a baseball when he was eight, to that brand new boardwalk breaking under him when he was fifteen, he'd always seemed to be a magnet for misfortune.

Was that what was going on?

He scoffed at himself, shaking his head. What was he thinking?! Luck was an abstract concept; it couldn't actually affect him!

..right?

He sat up on his bed, determination burning in his eyes. "Whatever this is, I'm going to overcome it! I will speak to Twilight and her friends! Luck does not control me!" He pounded his hoof on the bed to punctuate his statement.

A moment later, one of the mattress's springs, dislodged by his punch, broke free from the fabric directly underneath him, sending him head first into the ceiling.

"...that doesn't count."

Chapter 2: Near Encounters of the Sixth Kind

Andy looked up from the register. "What was that, Caramel?"

One of his coworkers, Caramel, repeated himself: "Clean Sweep needs help moving some boxes. You've been handling customers all day; I'll take over for a moment."

Andy smiled, genuinely grateful that his coworker was so nice. "Thanks, dude." With that, he went into the back to help, and Caramel took his place at the register.

Almost IMMEDIATELY, Fluttershy walked in through the front door. "Um, excuse me?" she addressed Caramel.

"Yes? What can I do ya for, ma'am?"

"I was just wondering if you had any gauze?"

"Aisle 13," the stallion helpfully pointed out.

"Thank you, sir," Fluttershy smiled, before heading there.

The moment she went out of sight, Andy popped his head out from the back. "Hey Caramel, do you know where the boxes of silverware go?"

"Third row, just next to the dishes," Caramel replied.

"Thanks." He returned to the back.

Fluttershy soon came back to the register with a few rolls of gauze in a shopping bag. Caramel totaled up the cost: "Alright, that'll be 2 bits."

She gave him the bits, thanked him, and went on her way.

That was when Andy came back out. "Alright, I think we're done."

But Sweep called out, "Wait a second; there's one last box that we missed!"

Andy blinked. "Nevermind," he corrected, before returning go the back.

Fluttershy poked her head in through the door. "Oh, sorry to disturb you again, but do you know when the first shipment of mangoes will come in? Colorete the fruit bat particularly likes them."

"Next Tuesday," Caramel helpfully supplied.

"Thanks!" Fluttershy smiled, before leaving again.

Andy came back out. "Alright, now I'm done." But he paused when he saw the lingering smile on Caramel's face. "What, did I miss something?"

Pinkie Pie hummed to herself as she prepared some lemon tarts. She'd just placed the tray into the oven, when a series of sensations overtook her. First, her knee got achy; then her eye got itchy; finally, her tail poofed out even further than normal (somehow).

She frowned. "There it is again! That combo usually means that somepony new is in town, but I can't seem to find them this time!"

She pondered this for a few seconds.

Then she shrugged. "I guess they don't want a party, like Cranky. That's alright; I won't force them."

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to her, a stallion was approaching Sugarcube Corner's backdoor, with the intent of meeting her.

Pinkie turned to begin preparing another dish, but paused when her nose became itchy. "Huh. Hope nopony's nearby...."

And, still unbeknownst to her, the stallion began to run as a swarm of bees chased him down.

Andy, now sporting several bandages over his bee stings, limped towards Carousel Boutique. I should've gone to Rarity first, he thought. She's almost always at her shop, and willing to help anypony. I might even buy a new suit while I'm there.

He immediately noticed the 'Out Of Town On Business' sign on the door, groaned in frustration, and began limping back towards his hotel room.

Just a few moments later, Rarity returned. She blinked at the faint feeling of having lost a potential customer, but shook it off and went inside.

The next day, he spotted a few stray clouds in the sky. They certainly didn't seem to be there on purpose.

Wait, isn't Rainbow Dash a weather pony? That means she'll have to come and take care of these clouds! he reasoned to himself.

He waited for a few minutes, staring intently at the clouds.

Time Turner, who was walking nearby, became concerned at the sight of a stallion seemingly staring at nothing. "Uhm, what, may I ask, are you looking at?"

Andy didn't reply; he wasn't going to miss his chance.

Turner followed his gaze, then frowned at the clouds. "My word, the weather team is starting to slip." He then glanced around, before smiling. "Ah, here they come now!"

Andy turned excitedly, but frowned when he didn't find Rainbow Dash among the ponies. Right, it's a weather team.

Time Turner didn't fail to notice. "Are you alright? You've been acting—"

Disheartened, Andy walked away.

"—strange..." Turner finished, frowning to himself.

Meanwhile, the weather ponies found Rainbow Dash snoozing in one of the clouds. They shook her awake, and after some talking, she drowsily joined them.

Andy moaned, collapsing into bed. His entire week had been a fruitless endeavor to even see the Mane Six again, much less say anything to them.

He sighed. "What am I doing wrong? Am I trying to force it too much? Am I not forcing it enough? Does the Universe just... not like me?"

He was seriously considering giving up right then and there. But in that moment of weakness, a memory bubbled to the surface:

8-year-old Andy sat in a boat in the middle of Lake Granby, frustrated that his fishing line hadn't yet hooked something. His father, William Syntyche, frowned as his son moved to the edge of the boat and began to shout, "Come on, stupid fishies, just bite already!"

"Andy," William began, "you can't force these things. You need to have patience."

"But I want to catch a fish NOW!" Andy complained, frustration scrunching up his face.

William laughed. "And I want to stargaze right now, but no amount of screaming is going to make the night come any faster."

Andy blinked at that, then sat back down.

About thirty seconds later, the line dipped. Andy gasped, grabbed the pole, and, with some help from his dad, reeled it in. It was a sockeye salmon!

"You see?" William chuckled as they put it into their cooler, "With some patience, anything's possible."

Andy sat up. "Let's try taking a step back. I won't try to find them for a week; just let the opportunity naturally come. If that doesn't work... Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it."

With some of his determination restored, he climbed under the covers and slowly drifted to sleep.

Any day now.