Three Diamond Dogs Kidnap Twilight Sparkle

by CartoonDuck

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Original Character, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 8306

Kidnap a Royal Princess and make a profit. Sounds easy, right?

A self-proclaimed supervillain, a sarcastic slacker, and a happy-go-lucky idiot kidnap Twilight Sparkle in a bizarre attempt to take over Equestria. What could possibly go wrong?

Published 2021-12-09 18:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-01-21 21:12:55 UTC

Chapter 1: Kidnapped

The feeling of waking up somewhere other than your own room could be a chilling experience, the fear of the unknown could paralyze you and freeze your mind of any rational thought. Twilight Sparkle felt that exact paralyzing fear as she lay on a cold surface, a stark contrast to the warm bed she had gone to sleep in. Twilight, however, would not let her mind stay frozen for long, she knew she had to analyze her surroundings, to judge how much danger she was in.

The first sense she felt was the taste of rope in her mouth, and a soft fabric covering her eyes. Secondly, she tried to move, but her hooves were tied together, as were her wings. Thirdly, she tried to light up her horn, but instead of the usual sensation of magic, she felt a strong pressure pushing it back, like a weight was placed on her head. She was completely helpless and therefore knew her situation was not just dangerous, but dire.

She felt the floor beneath her move at an unsteady pace, the grinding of metal grading at her ears and echoing all around her. The sound reminded Twilight of the time she and Princess Cadence had been imprisoned in the crystal caves, forced to drive a cart across mining tracks to freedom. An underground cave of some sort was her best guess as to where she was.

Suddenly, someone behind Twilight grunted loudly, which was followed by another voice humming a catchy tune. Twilight perked her ears up to listen intently.

“I told you earlier to stop humming,” a deep voice grumbled.

“Oh come on Rex, why do you have to be such a buzzkill,” a second, more high-pitched voice replied. “We did it! The pony princess is ours!”

So, there were two creatures, maybe ponies, maybe not, who had taken her captive. One of them appeared to lack a certain level of intelligence, as he was dumb enough to say his partner’s name.

“I’m tired, okay?” the voice belonging to Rex complained. “Tired of pushing this stupid pegacorn for half a mile down an endless tunnel!”

That was rude, Twilight thought to herself. It’s pronounced alicorn, not pegacorn. Wait, if they don’t know how to pronounce my species, they couldn’t be ponies, could they? It had only been a minute and her captors had already given her massive clues as to who they were.

“Oh relax, Mr. Grump,” the second voice replied. “we’re here!”

The grinding metal halted, and the floor under Twilight stopped moving.

“Get Princess what’s-her-face out of the cart,” Rex ordered.

“Okay, Pony Princess, I’m going to lift you out of there, so don’t be alarmed,” Rex’s partner said to Twilight reassuringly.

“Why lift her out? You can just do this.”

Twilight felt a strong force hit the cart from behind, which sent it falling forwards. She tumbled out of the opening and rolled onto the floor.

“Simple and easy.”

Twilight sat up and shook the dust from her coat. If she could glare at Rex, she would, even for a criminal, he came across as very mean spirited.

“I’ll get Diesel,” Rex said.

Another name drop Twilight would make sure to remember. As Rex walked away, Twilight listened to the sound of his fading footsteps against the floor. It was not the clopping of hooves, but something softer. It could be a dragon’s feet or a griffon’s talons, but she wasn’t sure.

A few minutes passed before the footsteps returned, accompanied by a second pair. A loud and boisterous voice spoke up. “Good work, Spot! I knew I could count on you to watch our prisoner!”

“He watched her for like two minutes,” Rex said dryly.

Rex, Spot, and Diesel. Twilight let those names sit well in her mind. Any and all information she could gain from her captors was of use, especially if she could escape and identify them to the authorities.

“Spot, be a kind lad and remove her blindfold,” Diesel said. “This is my time of glory, and I will not have Twilight Sparkle miss this!”

“She’s not going to zap me with her pony magic, is she?” Spot asked. “I heard it comes from their eyes.”

“It comes from their horns, you idiot,” Rex retorted.

“Indeed it does,” Diesel continued. “But have no fear, we placed a magic suppressor on her horn, and not a cheap one. This one is in fact my creation. Every diabolical instrument I construct is indestructible! This so-called hero of Equestria will do us no harm, I assure you. Now, remove the blindfold and be quick about it.”

The blindfold was hastily torn off, and Twilight got a good look at her soundings, and the creatures holding her captive. Three diamond dogs stood over her, all with different appearances and attire. A wooden table stood at the center behind them, with three chairs sitting around it and a map of Equestria laid out on top. Next to the map was some sort of metal glove, with wires sticking out from the sides. Behind Twilight was the cart she rode in, laying overturned in front of an old mining track. The walls around her were grey and brown, with protrusions of rock sticking out and patches of moss spread out between cracks and crevices. The air was dry and the ground was dirty, but it seemed like most diamond dogs preferred such arid conditions.

The dog with the loud voice, who Twilight assumed was Diesel, stood between his partners with his hands to his hips, giving her a truly wicked smile. He had jet black fur and wore a long trench coat, its dark red color reminding Twilight of blood. She couldn’t help but back up a little as his grey eyes sized her up like a predator stalking its prey.

“Welcome, Twilight Sparkle,” he addressed, spreading his arms out wide. “to my evil lair! HA HA HA HA HA!”

“Why do you always have to be so dramatic?” Rex complained.

Diesel’s arms slowly fell to his side. “Rex… don’t ruin my moment, or I’ll bury you out back like Oscar.”

Rex didn’t show any outward reaction to the threat, but Spot dropped his head sadly. “I miss Oscar.”

Spot had white fur and a black patch around his left eye, highlighting the bright blue in his irises. His only attire was a faded brown vest, far more simple and rugged than his two partners. Rex, on the other hand, wore a sleek black leather jacket, which contrasted well with his dark brown fur and equally brown eyes.

“Remove her gag,” Diesel ordered. “She should be allowed to speak.”

Spot united the rope around Twilight’s mouth. She spat it out and gave Diesel a death stare. “If you want gems, this is the wrong way to go about it. We’ve dealt with diamond dogs just like you and beat them!”

“The little pony thinks we want gems,” Diesel mocked. “No, my dear, we are far more ambitious than the fools you must have encountered.”

Twilight narrowed her eyes. “What do you want?”

“I want everything, starting with all that magic you got stored inside you. Hold her down, boys!”

“What!?”

Rex and Spot moved to Twilight and grabbed her from both sides, their crooked yellow nails digging into her skin. She struggled under their grip. “Hey, let me go!”

“Is this when the light show starts?” Spot asked excitedly.

“Thisis when the stupid princess gets her stupid magic taken away,” Rex answered. “Friendship ain’t going to save you now, Sprinkle.”

Twilight stopped moving to glare at Rex. “It’s Sparkle, and you’re not the first villains I’ve faced. You’ll fail, just like all the others!”

“Keep talking Princess,” Diesel said. He walked over to the table and picked up the metal glove, strapping it to his hand. He then walked back to Twilight and lifted it into her face. A shining blue orb in the center lit up, forcing her to squint her eyes. “Get ready Equestria, my evil reign begins now!”

The glove started up like an engine, the gears and other mechanical parts working loudly to make it function. Twilight thrashed and squirmed, her eyes clenched shut. “No, No!”

She knew what it was like to have her magic stolen, and it was not a pleasant experience. There would be a burning sensation as all the energy drained from her body, her head would spin and her thoughts would grow hazy.

There was no pain, however. In fact, nothing happened at all. Instead, the glove made a hissing sound, and the blue orb flickered out and died. Diesel looked down at his creation, which had gone silent. “Uh… give me a second.”

He opened up a small contraption and began tinkering with red and blue wires. When that didn’t work, he resorted to waving it around like a child. “This should work! Why isn’t it working!?”

Twilight breathed a sigh of relief, while Rex and Spot glanced at each other. Finally, Diesel gave up and let the glove slide off his hand and onto the ground. “Dammit, another failure. It looks like we need a new plan.”

Rex and Spot released their grip on Twilight, who glanced at her forearms to see if their nails left a mark on her coat.

“Okay, I say we take a breather,” Rex suggested. “Maybe a few hours at least. Have a nap, maybe a snack, and come back refreshed to -”

“I got it!” Diesel cut him off. “We sell Twilight Sparkle to Princess Celestia for ransom!”

Rex frowned. “You’re kidding, right?”

“It’s the perfect plan. My glove may have failed, but my mind is an endless hole of possibilities! I just need the funding to build a new device that can fit my evil whims!”

“Or we could just hunt for gems.”

“No no, that’s too pedestrian for us. We have the Princess of Friendship right here in our grasp, I say we take advantage of that! We’ll take every last bit from Celestia.”

“This is a stupid plan.”

“I think it’s a great plan!” Spot exclaimed. “Good idea, boss! Always thinking outside of the box!”

“Thank you, Spot. At least someone appreciates my genius.”

Twilight couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Such a reckless plan could only fail, they had to know that.

“So how are we going to do this exactly?” Rex asked.

“I am going to write a very thorough ransom note,” Diesel explained. “you and Spot will then deliver it to Canterlot.”

“How the hell are we supposed to do that?”

“Don’t ask me. I come up with the plan, you execute it. Improvise, that’s what a good henchman does.”

Rex crossed his arms. “Yeah, well you know what? A good boss comes up with a more detailed plan than improvise how to deliver a ransom note to the most powerful pony in the county!”

Diesel’s face stiffened, his eyes hardening. “I smell fear in you, Rex. Are you afraid?”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not afraid!” Spot boasted.

“I know you aren’t, that’s why you’re my number two. Try to look after Rex on your journey, will ya? He’s a delicate one.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” Rex groaned.

Spot gave Diesel a stern salute. “I won’t let you down, sir!”

Twilight meanwhile, shook her head in disbelief. Okay, it’s official, these guys are crazy!

Author's Note

Just a fun little story I thought of while trying to break my writer's block. I hope someone out there enjoys it! This story is meant to take place after Season 4. And yes, I know the cover is Twilight without her wings, but it just fits her mood throughout the story too well, so I had to pick it.

Three chapters left...

Chapter 2: Canterlot

The city of Canterot was alive with activity, the streets were full and many ponies went about their day in peace, enjoying the warm sun and clear blue sky. The afternoon train arrived at the Capital on time, and a large group of travelers and wealthy ponies got off, followed by two diamond dogs. Rex and Spot weaved their way through the crowded station and into the shopping district. Once they got there, Spot had to stop every few minutes to take in the lavish buildings, sleek cobblestone walkways, and high-end stores. Many well dressed ponies would stop to give the pair a funny look, but Spot just smiled and waved.

Rex, on the other hand, kept his face buried in the note Diesel had written. His eyes traced the page over and over as if he was expecting it to rewrite itself. Finally, he spoke up, his voice layered with contempt. "How the hell are we going to do this?"

Spot shrugged. "I dunno, but I'm sure we'll figure something out! We just gotta think like spies, traveling through enemy territory, hidden in plain sight!"

"Yeah, well good luck being inconspicuous,” Rex scoffed. “Diamond dogs aren't exactly a common thing in Equestria, just look at the stares we've been getting."

He was right, on every street corner they passed, there was at least one pony fixated on the two, giving them a look of either curiosity or contempt.

“I thought those were welcoming stares,” Spot said.

“Yeah, you would think that.”

Rex returned his focus on the note, while Spot took a closer look at the ponies around him. He noticed a little unicorn filly staring at him from afar, her head tilted in curiosity. He smiled at her and gave her a friendly wave. “Hello, little pony!”

The filly looked to her mother and tugged on her silver dress. “Mommy, what are they?”

The older unicorn regarded Spot with mild interest, looking him up and down to analyze his appearance. When she was done, her face wrinkled in disgust. “Don’t make eye contact with them, sweetheart. They’ll try to kidnap you.”

"Hey, no we won't!” Spot argued.

The unicorn ignored him and trotted away with her daughter, while Spot shook his head in disbelief. "Did you hear that, Rex? She said we'll kidnap them! That's prejudice!"

"Spot, we literally kidnapped a pony a few hours ago.”

“Oh, right.”

With a long drawn out sigh, Rex crumpled up the note and placed it back into his jacket pocket. “Alright, I can’t think of any other way to deliver this note… so I guess we’re doing this your way.”

Spot’s face lit up. “Act like spies!?”

“We sneak up to the castle, then drop off the note without being seen.”

“Oh, this is so exciting!” Spot exclaimed, clapping his hands like a child. “Can I hold the note? I would love the honor of taking it to the castle.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Rex handed him the paper. It didn’t matter who had the note, as long as the job was done, and Rex wanted it done as fast as possible.

***

Rex and Spot waited until nightfall to hatch their plan. The city had fallen silent, the streets had emptied out, and not a single eye watched the two out of place criminals stroll up the Royal Castle. If all went well, they would be back in their cave in a few hours, and a hefty sum of ransom money would soon follow.

Earlier, they had passed a clothing store, and Spot broke in to steal a black trench coat. He completed his new look with a pair of dark sunglasses that were too big for his face.

“I still can’t believe you’re wearing that stupid thing,” Rex grumbled.

“I already told you, Rex, every good mission needs a good aesthetic,” Spot countered. “We’re sneaking up to a castle at night, so we need to wear black. You should as well.”

“I’m already wearing black!”

“Seriously, Rex? You know as well as I, that leather jackets are only good for two things: looking cool in the daytime, and bar fights.”

Rex rubbed his eyes tiredly. “Every day, you continue to reveal to me how stupid you truly are.”

“We can always go back and steal another one.”

“Shut up, we’re here.”

They walked down a stone path that led to the castle. When they reached the end of the path, they stopped to listen for any royal guards. It was quiet, the only sounds were the crickets in the distance and the calm flow of the river that surrounded the castle’s white walls. The draw bridge had been lifted and the massive front doors were shut tight.

“Okay, this is it,” Rex whispered. “Let’s do this quickly.”

“Way ahead of you, buddy,” Spot replied.

Rex turned to his partner to see him holding a rock with the note taped to it. “Spot, what are you doing?”

"Who knows when someone will find this,” Spot answered. “I got a better idea so they see it now."

“No, that’ll be too loud, we need time to get out of the city!"

"Just trust me, my friend."

"You're not my friend and I've never trusted you once in my life.”

Spot didn’t listen, instead, he pulled his arm back and swung the rock as hard as he could. Rex held his breath as it flew through the air. Was he trying to aim at a window? Who knows, but it didn’t get very far, instead it smashed against the front wall and plummeted to the ground.

There was a tense pause, then a gruff voice spoke up. “Hey, what was that?”

“You damn idiot!” Rex snapped. “Now we have to run!”

“Aw man, really? My cardio isn’t that good right now.”

Before they could do anything, two earth pony guards trotted around the corner. “What are you doing on the castle grounds?” one of them asked.

Rex froze in place, while Spot rubbed the back of his head awkwardly “Uh, nothing bad! We were just uh… trying to throw a rock at one of the windows!” he blurted.

“You’re what?”

“I what?”

“What did you just say?”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You said you tried to throw a rock at a window.”

“If you knew what I said, then why did you ask me?”

The guard blinked, then frowned. “Alright, come here. We need to question you.”

Spot took off sprinting. Cursing under his breath, Rex followed. "Hey, get back here!" the guard yelled. They chased them down a hill and into an open field. Rex knew ponies had the advantage of running on all fours, so he pushed himself to his absolute limit, letting his adrenaline take over. There were larger, snow covered hills up ahead, a perfect place to lose the ponies chasing them, if they could make it there fast enough.

As they ran, Rex quickly began to realize how out of shape he was. His breathing had become rapid and his lungs burned from the amount of air he was sucking in. He had no choice but to stop to catch his breath, while Spot continued his sprint like a marathon runner.

“Bad cardio, my ass!” Rex called after him.

Spot ignored him and disappeared into the distance. Rex now stood alone, panting in an empty field, while the full moon hung over his head like a silver shadow. He couldn’t believe he was about to get punished for Spot’s stupidity. Was it really the end for him? No, he had one last trick up his sleeve that could turn the tide in his favor. At that moment, Rex couldn’t help but smile. If all went well, he’d be the one benefiting, not his lunatic of a boss or simple minded partner.

As the stomping of hooves grew louder, Rex let out one last ragged breath, then stood up straight. Raising both hands, he turned around to face the guards. “Alright, boys, I give _” Both ponies tackled him to the ground. He tried to struggle but was met with an armored hoof to the face. “Ah, my face! You guys are a bunch of dicks!”

“Stay silent, criminal!” the guard who punched him ordered.

“I’ll look for his partner!” the other one said, getting off Rex and running towards the hills.

The guard on top of Rex used a foreleg to pin his chest to the ground while he took out a pair of cuffs. “Vandalizing the royal castle was a foolish thing to do.”

With blood dripping from his mouth, Rex let out a soft chuckle. “Just wait until you see what’s on that rock.”

Chapter 3: Interrogation

Three figures stood in a darkened throne room, huddled over a piece of paper that levitated in the air. Princess Luna read the ransom note over and over in an effort to make sense of it. Two Royal Guards flanked her sides, trying to peek at what the note said.

Dear foolish Princesses of Equestria.

I have taken Twilight Sparkle to my evil lair, where she will no doubt suffer a grievous fate if you do not pay a hefty ransom. She trembles at my vicious might and begs you to take this note seriously. My villainy knows no bounds and my thirst for conquest grows by the day. Heed my dire warning: your peace will not last and your happiness shall be squandered. All joy in this world will be snuffed out if I do not get one hundred million bits by tomorrow at noon. Leave it in bags by the southwest hill overlooking Ponyville.

I am happy to have finally made myself known to the puppets that rule this stupid country. When I have my money, you will eventually hear from me again, so be afraid of my return and enjoy your precious peace… well it still lasts.

I haven’t thought of a cool name for myself yet, so stay tuned, when I reveal myself to you and your flock of dull-minded multi-colored horses.

Yours truly, to be announced.

Luna lowered the page and eyed the two guards with a calm sternness. “Take me to this diamond dog you captured.”

***

The guards led Luna down to the lower levels of the castle, where the interior was less scenic. The bottom floors were not visited by many ponies and therefore had no reason to look as grand as the ones above. The walls turned from the usual colors of faded lavender, white and pink, to grey and black stone. Torchlights led their way, the constant orange glow a haunting reminder of how deep underground they were.

Finally, they reached a set of grey double doors, and the guards stepped aside to let Luna through. She entered the more modern looking interrogation room, which was lit by a panel light on the ceiling, its bulbs flickering ever so slightly. In the room's center sat a long steel table, as well as a brown diamond dog. The dog leaned back into his chair with his hands resting behind his head. His ears perked up as Luna entered, but he kept his gaze on the ceiling. “You ponies sure do hit hard, I’ll give you that.” His tone was casual and relaxed.

“Yes, we certainly do,” Luna replied calmly.

The dog sat up slowly, stretched his arms, and even let out an obnoxious yawn. Luna stood in place to study him, his appearance, his facial expressions. She was a master at reading people, and she could easily see past his composed demeanor. In his eyes, she could see fear, but also a stubborn cockiness that fought its way to the surface. He had the makings of a criminal, but Luna never judged a book by its cover, not after everything she had been through in her life. So, she decided to treat the situation in a low-key manner, and see where the prisoner decided to take it.

“I am Princess Luna, co-sovereign of this nation,” she announced. “And you are?”

The dog grinned at her. “Name's Rex, but you can call me -"

“Based on what my royal guards have told me,” Luna cut him off. “it appears that you and one other culprit threw a rock onto the castle grounds. Taped to it was a ransom note, promising the safe return of Princess Twilight Sparkle, for the cost of one hundred million bits. The way the letter was written, makes it look like a prank, like an eight year old wrote it. So tell me, Rex, is this some kind of poorly thought out prank by a group of miscreants? Or is this a real hostage situation?”

Rex shook his head and chuckled. “I knew you guys would think it’s a joke at first. The guy who wrote that letter is a moron. The guy who threw the rock is an even bigger moron. Our leader’s name is Diesel, and yes, he has Twilight Speckle.”

“Sparkle.”

“Whatever.”

“You gave that information up rather freely,” Luna observed.

“I’m gonna be completely honest with you, Princess, I’m sick of my partner’s stupidity,” Rex revealed, the disdain evident in his voice. “So I’ll make you a deal: I’ll tell you exactly where they are, the layout of our cave, and heck, I’ll even show you a secret backway entrance, just for fun.” He finished his sentence with a wink.

Luna did not expect him to be so forthcoming this early in the interrogation.
“There is a catch to this, I presume."

“Always a catch,” Rex smirked, leaning back into his chair. “I want a pardon, a million bits, and a nice house, right here in Canterlot.”

Luna did not respond right away, instead, she let an awkward silence fill the room. Rex averted his eyes from her cold stare but otherwise remained quiet. Finally, Luna said. “...You’re joking.”

Rex returned eye contact. “This isn’t a joke, remember?”

“You have kidnapped a royal princess, attempted to damage royal property, and yet you believe we will give you a million bits? This is exactly what your boss is attempting.”

“Read that note again, Princess. My boss is a lunatic. He’ll move to a different location once he realizes I’ve been captured, and once he does, he’ll come up with a different plan that doesn’t involve returning Twilight Stroodle to safety.”

“It’s Sparkle,” Luna corrected for a second time, her jaw tightening.

“Do you get what I’m saying?”

Luna had to stop herself from grunting in frustration. The conversation had to remain under her control, but time was running out, and they both knew it. She had already sent out guards to Twilight’s home, and if she was indeed missing, and Rex was telling the truth about his boss’s apparent insanity, the situation could get dire real fast.

“I’d say you have a couple of hours before he moves her,” Rex added. "So I better be seeing my new home soon.”

Before Luna could respond, the doors behind her opened and the two guards stepped through. The one on the right, River Charm, cleared his throat. “Uh… sorry to disturb you, your majesty, but we need to talk to you for a second.”

Luna nodded at them, then turned to Rex. “I will be back.”

She walked out of the interrogation room, letting the guards shut the door behind her. When they were done, she let out a pent-up sigh “I can safely say that I do not like this diamond dog. Nothing would give me more pleasure than to wipe that arrogant smirk off his face.”

The guards glanced at each other, then the one on the left, Mighty Force, spoke up. “You might get that chance, Princess.”

Luna raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“We were so hasty in giving you the ransom note, that we… didn’t analyze the rock,” River said.

Mighty frowned at him. “You made us look stupid.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I was just trying to -”

“No need to feel sorry, my gentle colt,” Luna cut him off. “Just tell me what you found.”

“Well… it appears that a return address was written on the bottom of it,” River revealed.

“... What?”

“Yeah, we thought the same thing,” Mighty added. “Should we believe it?”

Luna quietly pondered this new development. Was it a trick? Or was it actually possible for a criminal to be that simple minded? Based on the guard’s description of one of them wearing a trench coat and sunglasses in the middle of the night to sneak around the castle, it actually seemed quite likely.

So, with the current knowledge she had, Luna came to a decision. “Rex told me that his partner was not very smart. Based on the writing of the ransom note, their leader doesn’t appear to be very smart either. I’m sure my sister would be more tactful, but I say we go for it. If it fails, we can always re-open negotiations with our prisoner.”

With her decision made, Luna re-entered the interrogation room. She found Rex sitting with his elbow on the table and his head resting on his hand. Luna cleared her throat. “We have decided to agree with your demands.”

Rex sat up slowly, eyeing the princess warily. “... Really?”

“Oh, yes. Come, and I will show you your new home. If you are satisfied, we can discuss things further.”

“That was fast… but I’ll take it!” Rex jumped to his feet. “Lead the way, Princess.”

Luna led Rex down a dark corridor, with the two guards flanking him on opposite sides. As they walked down a twisting set of stairs, Rex began to prattle on in arrogance, his snide tone like a nail on a chalkboard to Luna’s ears. “You know, I'm starting to like you ponies. You’re easy to kidnap and not very bright, but you got some good things going for you.”

“...Right.”

“Has a diamond dog ever lived in Canterlot?”

“I don’t believe so.”

“Well then, I’m happy to be the first.”

“Oh yes, we’ve made sure you’ll be close by to us.”

Finally, they reached a set of ominous back doors. Rex took one look at them and stopped in his tracks. The rusted handles were enveloped in a blue aura as Luna pushed them open with her magic. The metal doors creaked loudly as they opened, their sound echoing into a massive chamber. Inside was a large pathway, with rows of cells on both sides that stretched out into darkness.

These days, most criminals were sent to the modern prison in Manehattan, but certain cases could still be taken to the dungeons below Canterlot. With a smirk, Luna stepped aside to let Rex get a better view. “Here we are.”

Rex’s face went pale, and he began to back up slowly. “Uh… this isn’t -” he backed right into the guards, who stood like a brick wall.

“Take this criminal to a cell,” Luna ordered.

The guards grabbed both of Rex’s arms and dragged him into the depths of the dungeon. He thrashed and squirmed, but was no match for the strength of two trained earth ponies. All he could do was yell in defiance. “Get off me, you stupid horses!”

“No need for the racist remark, you mutt.” River said.

“You just contradicted yourself,” Mighty noted

“Sorry.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Just put him in a cell, please.”

Picking a cell at random, the guards threw Rex in. He landed on the cold floor with a grunt as they slammed the door behind him. He quickly got back up and glared at them. “You guys are dicks.”

“You already told us that,” Mighty said.

“Well, I’m telling you again!”

Luna walked up to the cell, her smirk never fading. “I do hope you enjoy your new home, Rex. It’s perhaps not the most spacious, but I’m sure you’ll get used to it.”

Rex grabbed the bars firmly. “You damn pegacorn, you tricked me!”

“It wasn’t exactly hard. The irony of you calling your partners the stupid ones is very humorous.”

Rex dropped his head down, his mind seemingly processing what was happening to him. A few seconds later he looked back up and grinned. “Okay hold on, let’s re-negotiate. I don’t need a house that big!”

Luna’s smirk fell, she could hardly believe it. Here Rex was, locked in a cell, completely at her mercy, and he was still trying to get something out of it? He was quite possibly the most selfish creature she had ever met. “No, you don’t. This will suit you well.”

“How about five hundred thousand bits?” Rex bargained, sweat dripping down his face. “That’s not bad, right?”

Luna shook her head slowly, her eyes narrowing in disgust. Without another word, she turned to leave.

“Okay, one hundred thousand, that’s my final offer!” Rex called out, his voice almost cracking.

The guards followed Luna out the door. “Goodbye Rex.”

“Damn you!” Rex screamed, punching the bars in a blind rage. Without turning around, Luna once again enveloped the doors in a blue aura. Rex watched helplessly as she slammed them shut, leaving him to vent in dim solitude.

Author's Note

One chapter left...

Chapter 4: Showdown

“Two hundred and seventy five… two hundred and seventy six...”

Twilight Sparkle had spent the entire day inside of a makeshift prison cell with nothing but her thoughts to accompany her. In a desperate attempt to pass the time, she had resorted to counting every protrusion and crack that lined the grey stone walls that entrapped her. Taking a break from counting, she turned herself around to face the rusted bars of her cell, the once grey metal now consumed by rot and decay. She looked down at her greying, dirt-covered hooves and sighed. Her coat was collecting dust and stary pieces of hair stuck out from her mane. Her stomach also rumbled from a lack of food.

Licking her cracked lips, Twilight stood up and called out to her captor. “Hello? Diesel? Are you there? Hello! Hey!”

A few seconds later, Twilight heard footsteps, accompanied by an old metal door creaking open. Diesel came around the corner, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “What do you want, princess? Did you hurt your tiny hooves again trying to kick through my impenetrable prison?”

“No, I was going to ask for some food,” Twilight replied. “or at least a bit of water.”

“And why would I give you that?”

“It’s been hours.”

“So what? What do you take me for, a babysitter?” Diesel snickered. “You don’t get anything until I have those precious bits in my hand.”

“Jeez, I know you’re trying to be a bad guy or whatever, but you don’t have to be this mean.” Twilight looked away, knowing she wouldn’t get anywhere arguing with him.

“Uh, hello? I’m a villain. I’ll be as mean as I need to be. And you” - Diesel pointed a finger at her - “will cower in fear at my awesome might!”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Yeah right.”

“Oh, come on, admit it. I’m the scariest enemy you’ve ever faced,” Diesel bragged, putting his hands to his hips and puffing out his chest.

Twilight had to stop herself from laughing in his face. If Diesel thought he was even close to the scariest enemy she’d faced, he was sorely mistaken. Just a few months ago, she fought an evil centaur, hell-bent on world domination. Her home had been destroyed and she was nearly killed. Being kidnapped by three incompetent diamond dogs didn’t compare in the slightest.

“You’re definitely not the scariest,” she put simply.

“Really? Huh… that hurts the ego, not gonna lie,” Diesel admitted, his posture deflating. “I guess I need to up my game next time. How do you think I should be a scarier villain?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

“Come on, work with me, Princess! I need multiple opinions here!”

Suddenly, the door at the end of the tunnel swung open, and Spot walked through. Diesel turned to him and smiled. “Ah, Spot! You’re just in time! Our prisoner was starting to annoy me with all her whining.”

“I was not whining!”

Spot gave Diesel a stern salute. “The mission was a success, sir! Unfortunately, Rex’s stupidity led him to be captured!”

Twilight’s eyes widened. That was a very strong deviation. Rex’s arrest could mean one of two things, he could give up their location, or stay quiet. It all depended on how loyal to Diesel he truly was. Twilight knew that Luna would be the one heading the interrogation. She’d seen first hoof, how intimidating the Princess of the Night could be. A two-bit crook like Rex would squirm under her gaze and probably look for any way out of imprisonment, even if it meant betraying his employer. There was no honor among thieves, and Twilight doubted her trio of captors were the exception.

Diesel didn’t give much of a reaction to the news, his expression stayed natural. “A shame. Did you at least deliver the ransom note?”

“Yes, sir!” Spot replied.

“Excellent! Then our plan is complete!”

“What about Rex?”

“Oh, he’ll be a necessary sacrifice,” Diesel dismissed, waving a hand.

“That’s kind of cold, boss.”

“I know it is! Princess Twilight here said I’m not scary enough.” Diesel looked over to his captive and grinned madly. “Well, how’s that, Sparkle! Sacrificing one of my own is pretty terrifying, don’t you think?!”

Twilight shook her head. “That’s not scary, you’re just a bad boss.”

“Oh, shut up!” Diesel snapped, crossing his arms and looking away. “Why do I care what you think?”

“What now, boss?” Spot asked.

"We all know Rex is a coward so it won't be long before the authorities find this place. Our only option is to move the princess to a different location."

Twilight’s ears perked up. They were going to move her? If that happened then Luna would never find them! She had to think quickly to stall Diesel’s plan. “You’re really going to leave all you’re equipment behind?”

Diesel looked at her suspiciously, then grunted. “The little pony has a point. Abandoning my precious creations would be a crime. Spot, stand guard while I pack up. If she tries anything, teach her a lesson."

Spot tilted his head to the side. "A math lesson?"

"No, a villainous lesson,” Diesel corrected. “If she tries to escape, show her who's boss.”

He walked out of the room, leaving Twilight alone with Spot. The diamond dog turned to her and puffed out his chest. “Alright, listen here, pony Princess! You will do everything I say, or else I will show you my, uh… my villainous ways! Yes, I am very villainous. And very sinister. So be afraid!”

Twilight didn't know how to respond to that. Her silence made Spot rub the back of his neck awkwardly. “So uh… are you afraid?”

“You’re not very good at this,” Twilight said plainly.

“Don’t say that!” Spot glanced around the room fearfully. “Diesel got rid of Oscar for not being scary enough! Just pretend, okay?”

Twilight gave him a deadpan look. Spot smiled nervously. “Please?”

Diesel came bursting through the room. "I'm all done!"

"That was fast."

Diesel shrugged. "I pack light. Always remember that, Spot, in case your enemies try to hunt you down."

“Great advice!" Spot said. "You’re so intelligent, boss! I wish I could be more like you!”

Diesel put a hand on Spot’s shoulder. “I appreciate the kind words, my faithful stooge.”

Twilight began to pace back and forth. Come on Twilight, think! You need to find a way out of here now! She scanned the room, looking for something that could help her escape.

She needed to come up with a plan fast or else she may never see her home again! Suddenly, an idea popped into her head. It was foolish and risky, but she believed Diesel was deranged enough to fall for it.

With an audible gulp, Twilight straightened her back and spoke with as much confidence as she could muster. “This is the climax of the story!”

Diesel raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I’ve read a lot of books in my life. In many of them, the bad guy’s evil plan falls apart and he attacks the hero in a last-ditch effort to defeat them. That is what is happening now! This is the final showdown!”

At first, Diesel narrowed his eyes, but then they slowly widened and a smile grew on his face. “That’s… that’s genius! I’ve always wanted to have a final showdown!”

Twilight couldn’t help but smile back. Her plan was working! Now for the finishing touch. “If you want a proper battle, remove the magic suppressor on my horn!”

Diesel chuckled. “Don’t presume to think your magic will save you, Princess. Spot, let her out of the cell and remove the suppressor.”

“Sure thing, boss! I hope you win!”

“Of course, I’ll win! I’m a diamond dog conqueror. She’s a little pony. Ponies prance around fields and talk about friendship all day. I sever heads from their shoulders!”

Twilight couldn’t believe his arrogance. If he didn’t realize how powerful an alicorn was then he posed no threat at all. It would be over before he knew it.

Diesel pulled out a pair of keys and threw them at Spot. He caught them with a single hand and walked over to Twilight’s cell. Twilight, however, kept her eyes on the criminal leader, who seemed to be fiddling with something else in his jacket. Right as Spot opened the door, Diesel pulled out a massive sword. Spot jumped back in surprise. “Whoa, boss, did you always have that with you?”

“Of course! I carry my execution blade wherever I go!” Diesel held his weapon in the air. The reflection from the torches shone off its silver blade, like an orange glow. It gave the appearance of a sword on fire.

Twilight smiled sheepishly. “Okaaay… could we hurry this up, please!”

Spot fiddled with the keys to find the correct one that would remove the magic suppressor. When he found it, he inserted it into the lock and turned it clockwise. The ring opened up and dropped to the floor with a metallic clang.

Twilight lit up her horn as a test, and the entire cave was illuminated in a pink-red aura. Spot shielded his eyes. "So it does come from their horns…"

"Nice magic show," Diesel said sarcastically. "Now step out and face me."

The light from Twilight’s horn died out, returning the cave to its darkened state. With a straight face, she trotted out of the cell.

With his sword pointed directly at her, Diesel proclaimed, “No turning back now, Princess. Today is the day you die. Attack!”

Twilight blinked, then fired a beam of magic from her horn. It hit him square in the chest and knocked him several feet back. And just like that, it was over. The self-proclaimed supervillain conqueror lay on his back unconscious, smoke rising from a hole in his coat.

Spot took off running as fast as he could. His terrified voice echoed through the cave as he sprinted. “Ponies are scary! Ponies are scary!”

Twilight turned around and smirked. It felt good to win, especially against three overconfident criminals.

Her moment of victory was interrupted by a sudden explosion. A massive beam of blue magic shot through the wall, incinerating everything in its path. The force of the blast knocked Twilight to the ground, while the powerful energy collided with the opposite wall. It burned through its hard surface with terrifying ease, leaving a giant smoking hole in its wake. Twilight coughed painfully as smoke flooded into the cave.

Princess Luna emerged from the dark cloud, her horn lit up as bright as a star. A group of royal guards marched over the crumbling rocks and flanked her on all sides. With her guards at the ready, Luna surveyed the cave for her targets, but they weren't there. Instead, she found Twilight on the floor coughing loudly. "Twilight Sparkle, what is… what is going on here? Are you alright?"

Twilight slowly rose to her hooves. I'm still alive."

“What happened?"

Mighty Force, who stood to Luna's left, spoke up. “It appears that she saved herself, Princess. Take a look.” He pointed further down the cave, where Diesel lay unconscious with his sword next to him.

Luna dimmed her horn slightly and her posture relaxed. “Well… okay then. Good… work everypony?”

There was an awkward silence that followed, as all the guards glanced at each other in confusion. Even Twilight stayed quiet, unsure of what to say exactly.

Finally, Luna laughed softly to herself. "Well, Celestia is going to be upset she missed out on this one.”

***

Later that night, Twilight found herself staring up at the night sky and the blanket of stars that surrounded Ponyville. Her friends, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack all sat with her on a grassy hill overlooking the small town. A meteor shower was predicted to fly overhead, and Twilight wasn’t going to let a kidnapping get in the way of her plans to see it.
The six ponies sat around a red and white checkered blanket, enjoying an array of sandwiches, fruits, and drinks. Twilight and Fluttershy sat together on one side, while Pinkie and Applejack sat on the other. Rainbow Dash leaned against a tree, casually biting into a red apple, and Rarity sat on her own hoof-sewn blanket, preferring the feel of its soft fabric.

Besides Twilight, who seemed to be the only one with a true appreciation for the stars above, all eyes were transfixed on Pinkie, who firmly grasped onto a flashlight. She made sure to keep it under her chin, forming extra shadows that danced across her face.

“And then he took his mask off to reveal…Horseshoe, the janitor!” she exclaimed, throwing her hooves into the air.

“Who?” Rainbow asked.

“The Janitor!” Pinkie repeated. “You know, the creepy guy they bumped into at the beginning of the story! Good twist, right!”

Rainbow shrugged. “Eh.”

“Fine, you tell a better story!” Pinkie huffed, putting the flashlight down.

Rolling her eyes, Rainbow looked at Twilight. “Hey Twi, when’s the meteor shower gonna start?”

“Should be pretty soon,” Twilight answered, her eyes still glued to the sky. “Maybe five or so minutes from now.”

“You said five minutes, five minutes ago!” Rainbow complained. “Come on guys, we gotta pass the time! So far, Twilight has been the only one to tell a good story tonight.”

“That’s because her story was real,” Applejack retorted.

“I still can’t believe you spent the whole day inside that dark cave,” Fluttershy shuddered. “That must have been really scary.”

Pinkie jumped to her hooves. “Not as scary as Horseshoe the janitor!”

“Yeah right, I bet it wasn’t scary at all!” Rainbow laughed, ignoring Pinkie. “You beat that Diesel guy in two seconds!”

“Yeah well, I’m just happy to be alive,” Twilight said.

“I certainly hope those ruffians don't come back.” Rarity added.

Twilight looked at her and grinned. "Oh, we don't need to worry about them. They've been taken care of."

***

Deep below the city of Canterlot, a lone diamond dog sat in a dark cell, left alone to vent his frustrations in silence. When he grew tired of pacing angrily, he took a seat on the floor and leaned against the wall. With a sigh, he called out into the empty chamber. “Can you guys at least give me a book or something? I’m getting bored here.”
As usual, he received no response. The only sounds he ever heard were a slight breeze coming from an unknown direction and water dripping in a cell further down. Suddenly, the entrance doors opened. Rex stood up as two royal guards dragged a struggling figure through the darkness. Diesel thrashed and squirmed under their grip. "Get your filthy hooves off me, you insufferable cretins!"

When Rex realized which cell they were taking him to, he spoke up. "No guys, don't put him in the cell in front of me, I don't -” The guards shoved Diesel in. “... Great.”

The ponies slammed the cell door shut and locked it. Rex glared at them, but they trotted away without giving him a single glance. Diesel jumped up and grabbed the metal bars. "When I enslave this nation, you two will be the first casualties, do you hear me!"

Diesel then noticed his former henchman in the opposite cell. “Rex…” He took a step back and spoke in a more calm tone. "So it's true. You were arrested."

"Yeah, no thanks to that moron, Spot," Rex replied.

Diesel kept his expression neutral. "I imagine you tried to betray me before being sent down here."

“Of course, I tried to betray you!" Rex shot back. "Your plan was terrible. I should never have helped you with it in the first place."

Diesel’s mouth twitched at the insult, but he kept a straight face. "My plan was perfect and you know it."

"Oh really? That glove you built didn't even work. Your plan failed in literally every way, I hope you're happy."

Diesel took a long, deep breath. "Let's not fight, Rex. I've always thought of you as a son."

"Oh, up yours!"

"What did you say to me?" Diesel stormed back up the bars. "I otta go into that cell and slap some sense into you, young man!"

"We're the same age, you idiot."

"Alright then. How about I go in there and throttle you to death!"

"I'd like to see you try."

"Maybe I will try!"

While the shouting match escalated, the guards marched out of the dungeon. They entered the long corridor and shut the doors behind them, leaving the two criminals to argue long into the night.

End

Author's Note

Well, that was fun to write. I hope some people enjoyed it!