Hearth's Warming was rapidly approaching in the magical land of Equestria. The sun was starting to fade behind walls of cloud, and the snow was continuing to fall from strategically placed clouds to ensure maximum coverage and exposure (one of the upsides of living in a world where weather conditions are entirely controlled and regulated by the dominant species of the planet). Songs rang out from buildings and from towns and forests, all a wondrous reminder of the world they lived in and what had brought about Hearth's Warming all those centuries ago. Mercifully, nobody had seen Windigos for centuries, and there were those still who speculated that they may not even have existed at all.
A far way away from Ponyville, Equestria's resident wierdness magnet, lies a small town called Foggy Bottom. Despite its name, the place was not particularly foggy at all, and occupied a narrow basin flanked by two small ranges of hills. Once a swamp, the entire place had been pumped out and drained a few years ago with the aid of seapony engineers, and now contained a rather nice park and series of pathways. This made it an extremely popular spot with travellers and walkers, and one such group that was there today were Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer.
Based on the way the two unicorns were interacting, you would never have guessed that they once disliked each other. Both were former pupils of Princess Celestia, and when the former had been brought onboard and the latter informed that her work was complete, it did not take Sunset long to conclude that Twilight had been brought in to replace her. However, any bitterness between the parties was soon cleaned up when it emerged that this was not the case; Sunset was so skilled that her studies legitimately were complete!
A grudge soon turned to friendship, and that friendship itself turned into a romance. Which was what had brought them to Foggy Bottom. The small park was miles and miles away from the chaos of Canterlot and the hustle and bustle of Ponyville. It presented them a perfect opportunity to spend some time alone together.
"Look at that snowfall on the tree," Sunset said, her radiant yellow and red colours standing out against the stark white of the snow. "Absolutely stunning. They almost missed a trick in not installing lights in the trees!"
"I imagine we could fix that," Twilight grinned. "The adjustments required to put in magical lighting would be miniscule at best, but I reckon that-"
"OK, there's no need to go into technical mode," Sunset teased. She then rotated her left foreleg and glanced at it. "Hmmm. We should probably start heading back. The light is beginning to fade, and I would prefer if we were not heading back at night. You never know what sort of things happen at night."
"Good idea," Twilight said, and they began to make their way back out of the park and back towards the railway station.
The railway station was a short distance down a steep road. Trains are not known for their ability to go up and down near vertical gradients, and as a result the railway line passed by Foggy Bottom on an embankment, with a station provided partway along it to allow passengers to get on and off. However, the problem was that the town was several miles down a road that connected to the station, which meant that until fairly recently it had been lightly used as it was so hard to get to. The road was also quite steep, meaning that getting carts up and down it was rather difficult on the local ponies, and goods had to be shipped up and down by pegasi. Usually in small loads so they didn't strain themselves.
Anyways, the two ponies trotted up the road, happy to be in each other's company and with seemingly plenty of time to make their way back to the station.
"Are we on time?" Twilight asked.
"Of course we are," Sunset reassured her marefriend. "The timetable is pretty slack, and the line is rarely that busy anyway, so I think we'll make it with plenty of time to spare."
This seemed to placate Twilight, but as they reached the station steps, it happened. There was a blast of a foreman's whistle, and a cry of 'right away'! Then another whistle sounded.
"Wait, what?" the two ponies said, and dashed through the booking hall to the platform.
Alas, it was too late. There was their train, steaming away under a bridge and into the distance, gradually getting smaller and smaller in the distance as it picked up speed, the loud chuffing slowly getting quieter and quieter.
Sunset looked confused. "I don't understand! The train isn't supposed to leave until four thirty!"
"On the Fall timetable, yes," said a voice. Both unicorns turned around to see an older Earth pony with a yellow coat and brown eyes. Upon his head sat a peaked cap with a protective coating, and he also wore a formal shirt, tie, and waistcoat. "Unfortunately, the winter timetable is considerably busier, and as a result the service leaves at four twenty five instead."
Sunset hit herself. "Of all the things to do! I mixed the timetables up!"
"It's OK, Sunny," Twilight said. "We all make mistakes. When is the next train, Mr...?"
"Clean Slate. I'm the station master of Foggy Bottom."
"When is the next train, Mr Slate?"
"The four fifteen from Dodge Junction gets in at five fifteen. In the meantime, I suggest getting out of the cold and getting yourselves something to eat and drink at the buffet. I'll be sure to notify you when the train arrives."
Suddenly, there was a voice. "Where did you put those parcels? They don't just walk about by themselves, you stupid boy!"
Slate shook his head. "Oh dear. It looks as though Aspen Wood has muddled the parcels up again. Excuse me whilst I attend to this problem."
A few minutes later, Twilight and Sunset sat in the buffet at the station whilst waiting for the manager to arrive. Sunset seemed to be annoyed. "I can't believe I mixed up the timetables," she said. "I'm supposed to be a former student of Celestia, and I can't even remember which timetable is in use!"
Twilight rubbed her back soothingly. "It's alright, Sunny. We all make mistakes, and there's always another train to catch later on in the day. We'll be back to Ponyville in time for Hearth's Warming, I know it."
Sunset smiled. "Thanks, Twiggles. Besides, we don't want to disappoint Spike. Tell me, why do you open the presents on the Eve rather than the Day?"
"My mom's distant ancestors came from Germaney, and there the custom is to open the presents on the Eve, whereas the rest of Equestria does it on the day. As a result, we adopted the tradition and still do it now. It just goes to show that even though we are one country, there are still a lot of things that make us culturally different and diverse."
"Tell me about it," Sunset replied.
Suddenly, a much older pony entered, wearing a similar uniform to Clean Slate. "Excuse me you two, have you seen a pig anywhere?"
"Not that I know of," Twilight replied. "Why would there be a pig on a train station?"
"Railway station," Sunset corrected. "Remember, there are always rails, but not necessarily a train."
"OK, it looks as though it's missing," the older pony replied, shaking his head. "It's a good thing there are no trains going through right now..."
He disappeared through another door, before continuing talking to himself about something or another that Twilight and Sunset couldn't quite understand.
Both unicorns shrugged at one another, before continuing their previous conversation as if nothing had happened.
Suddenly, a mare appeared through a door and stopped before them. "Hello! I have to admit I'm sorry for the delay. The dishwasher was playing up, and I had to clean everything manually! What can I get you two?"
"Two coffees, please," Sunset asked.
Another mare, who looked even older than the man seen earlier, got to work producing the drinks. "Are you two sisters?" she asked, smiling as best she could whilst managing drink making machinery. "You seem like sisters."
"Nope," Sunset said, "although I do have a brother up in the North. He works for Prince Shining Armour and Princess Cadence."
"So you're the other persuasion," she said. "Never you fear. Not one syllabus will escape my lips."
"It would need to be a very small syllabus!" the first mare joked. "Apologies, she sometimes muddles up polysyllabic words with one another."
Just as the drinks were provided, there was another loud crash, and several parcels came flying through the door.
"How did you manage to send those flying through the door?!"
"I take it this is Hearth's Warming strain?" Sunset said.
"Typical day here, actually," said the first mare. "This station has been, shall I say, a bit disorganised for a while now. Mr Slate, the station master, is currently trying to get things in order."
Twilight nodded, noticing the fact that many of the tables were empty, and some of them had table cloths that were still slightly soggy from whatever had been on them. "I get the impression this is not a busy station most days."
"It never really has been," the first mare admitted. "We're not exactly in a densely populated place, and the station is rather isolated. Foggy Bottom park is the only major tourist attraction, and back in the days before Equestrian Railways was formed the original company, the Canterlot, Hoofington, and Dodge Junction Railway, operated excursion services here to allow passengers to escape the city. Equestrian Railways ended that, and cut our service back to a bare minimum and constantly changed the timetables. Worse will happen, if that Doctor Neighsay gets his way."
"Wasn't he the one who tried to nationalise the School of Friendship?" Sunset asked.
"The same," Twilight mused. "I know he was transferred away from EEA at some point when departments were reshuffled, but I had no idea he ended up in Transport!"
"Indeed," the second mare grumbled, adjusting her glasses as she tried to clean some glassware (and failed horribly). "Now he wants to shut about 60% of the network and axe thousands of jobs to save money. Don't be surprised if we're not here next year. It would do us no good if a train stopped outside and flooded the room, as we'd all get sophisticated!"
Suddenly, two more ponies arrived in the room, a tall scrawny one alongside a fat, short one. "Did somebody say train?" said the fat one. "We need to get these parcels moved out of here and fast."
"It should be due in a few minutes," said the tall one. "Quite the mess."
"That you caused, Aspen!" said the fat one. "Now get this lot moved to the platform!"
"I thought the next train wasn't for a while," Twilight said, looking more and more confused by the second.
"This is a goods train that is coming through," said the fat one. "We still get a few, and this one's moving the last few parcels that need to go to Canterlot for the upcoming festivities. There'll be a lot of sad people out there if these don't go."
Both of them exited with the massive pile of parcels and letters, ready to be loaded onto the train. Sunset looked into her cup, expecting some more of her drink to be there, but was rather surprised when she saw hers was empty, her very body having drunken it all in the interim of the talking. "Oh. I'm finished. There's a surprise."
"Perhaps we should go outside and look at the stars," Twilight suggested. The pair then exited the room and went onto the platform to a rather chaotic scene, typical of winter railway station operations.
A train sat in the other platform, its twin headlamps shining out into the darkness like twin saucers of hope to a stranded traveller. The engine sizzled nicely, the brakes puffing and panting impatiently as if the train wanted to get away and onto its destination.
On the platform, men hustled and shouted, moving heavy boxes and parcels and mail bags across the platform. "Here's some for Whitetail Woods!" shouted one, lobbing them into the open door of the van where they landed with a thud.
"Careful! Some of these things may be breakable!"
More crashing and banging ensued as the remaining vans were loaded to the brim with parcels and boxes and bags of mail. At long last, the final door was closed.
"Makes you wish we still had mail drops, eh?" said the driver. "We wouldn't have to stop everywhere!"
"Keep a close eye on the signals, never mind the chit chat," replied the fireman, a much older pony with a full head of grey mane. "We should be due away very soon."
Further down the platform, the fat one from earlier blew his whistle and waved a green flag. "RIGHT AWAY!"
The driver blasted the whistle... repeatedly.
"One toot is quite enough! You'll get us fined if you're not careful!"
Both of them looked up to the signal, only for it to stay firmly stuck at red.
Twilight looked. "I wonder why the signal's still red? Surely they're good to go now!"
"I was wondering the same thing," Sunset said. "Perhaps they are being held for a oncoming train or something like that."
They soon got the answer to their question. At the other end of the station was a small wooden box with several big windows. A door on the side opened, and the pony from the buffet emerged. "Hello?" he called. "Hold the train! Hold the train!"
"Whatever for?" shouted a member of platform staff. "We've finished loading and the train's due out!"
"You can't go! There's a pig loose on the tracks!"
"A pig? Don't be daft!"
Suddenly, there was a great squealing from underneath the train.
Twilight looked down, and saw something pink between the wheels of one of the vans. "He's right! There is a pig down there. You can't move with it there, or else the pig will get squashed and make a mess of the track!"
"Twilight's right," Sunset added. "It'd make the track very greasy. We'll help to extricate the pig from the train."
Two members of staff hopped down to the side of the van to see an exceptionally fat piglet down below the train, squealing as it had no idea which way to go. "We'll need to coax it out. But what with?"
"How about food?" Twilight suggested. "Almost all animals follow food when it's held in front of them. Even ponies!" She knew this point well, having seen many a colt or filly obey their parents in return for a reward in food. This strategy should work.
They placed a trail of edible items from the underneath of the van to the platform ramp, where the pig could climb up and escape to safety. After all, the underneath of a train is a place where a pig should not be. So it scampered up and along the track, snorting happily as it went along.
"Why is the goods still in the station?!" asked a familiar voice. Clean Slate had emerged from his office, and blasted his whistle to signal the train to move.
However, the passenger train which Twilight and Sunset had been waiting for arrived, and they scrambled aboard a compartment to ensure privacy on the long journey home. However, as the train rattled away into the darkness, the engine shovelling steam over its shoulder, neither of them would forget the bizarre shenanigans that had befallen them on that night on a little rural station in the middle of nowhere.
Author's Note
Oh! Doctor Beeching was a short-lived sitcom from the writer of Dad's Army, which depicted the misadventures of the staff of a rural railway station somewhere near Birmingham. In this story, I have attempted to capture some of the farcical nature of the show's writing, combined with Sunlight per the author's request.
I wish you all a Happy Hearth's Warming.
