Stop the Humans!

by Thunder Seethe

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 1516

Too many humans in Equestria, Celestia decides to put an end to this.

After years and years, specifically this past year, too many humans are entering Equestria! GET RID OF THEM!

This is to no offense of anyone or anypony who has written or reads HiE fics. This is purely made of stupidity, and atrocities.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-16 04:11:40 UTC

Ch.1 TO THE MOOOOONAAAHH!!

Stop the Humans!

For many years in Equestria -- almost two years, humans have somehow made their way to this magical land. Most would find it fun, and will remain optimistic should horrifying events occur, and that it should be an honorary discovery for finding an existence with high intelligence, which one might call, alien. An alien that seems to always - ALWAYS know what to do, and end up becoming a hero.

However, whenever a new human is brought upon us, despite their discoveries and progress, they bring their problems here and risk bringing back chaos. A few specific events already had to do with Discord, and he's been shut away about thirty times this month! I can't imagine what it would be like for the next few months, or even weeks... or hours.

To make it worst, Celestia had sensed it from years to come. She just hadn't thought it would really be that bad. When she envisioned it, she saw one human, maybe two, and one of her faithful ponies, Lyra, who had almost fainted at the sight of one. In the princesses eyes, they were guests, and should just be welcomed here. However, now that she sees just how much there are, and how troubling they can be, that just wasn't an option anymore.

So she came up with a plan.

Once upon a time in the magical land of Equestria, humans had thrived throughout the land, some of them as ponies, some as alicorns, and some as mules or of another species that wants to threaten their existence.

"No." Said Celestia as she turned down another human.

His blue eyes grew large as he continued to plead, "Please Princess Celestia!" He got down to his knees on the castle floor. "Luna!" The human said as he whiped his head. "Please!"

Both princesses looked at each other with slight grief and saddened eyes. Then, the older sister motioned her to tell him, "No. If you excuse me, I have to get back to my game. I don't want to be kicked for inactivity again." She left the room, leaving the human who called himself a brony, and Celestia alone.

After a few moments of silence, the human who had been weeping for a few minutes had finally spoke up with pleading eyes. "Please?" His voice cracked as more tears escaped his eyes, hoping to win Celestia's sympathy, which, there was no chance of. He realized that the moment he said that word, and so, he tried other solutions.

"So..." He started again wiping his tears and standing back up with seductive eyes. "You know what, maybe I really don't want to stay here." He moved towards her slowly, and still keeping the seductive look. He wiped his eyes once more, then his entire face, trying to be rid of tears. "Maybe we should do something before I leave hmm?" He crept up to her side, she shivered at the presence.

She locked eyes with him, and he started his way behind her. "You know." the princess started.

"Yes?" The human said, now stopping in place.

Celestia turned around and locked eyes with him, and made her seductive eyes. At this point, the human had thought he'd done it. He'd unleashed princess Molestia who would first molest him, and keep him around as a molesting toy. He smiled in his brain, but wouldn't dare show it just in case it brought the real Celestia back.

She walked even closer to him, and almost made contact before she whispered, "I'm usually the one that does the giving."

His eyes went wide. Had he been wrong? Had he misinterpreted Molestia's presence, or maybe she was making an exception to the rule. He opened his mouth to talk, but was interrupted.

"So, I guess I'll be seeing you on the MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONAAAAH!"

A sudden hit of reality and disappointment hit the human brony. With one more long and echoing "No!", Celestia's horn began to glow brightly and emitted magical sparks of bright yellow energy. With a large burst energy, a beam of light shot in the direction of the human.

He let out a final scream, not knowing what it would feel like, or if he was even being shot to the moon yet. Then with a bright flash, he was gone.

Her sister reentered the room with a worried frown on her face. "You do realize that humans can't breathe on the moon right?" She tried to put on a smile as if it were a joke, but she was serious.

Celestia paused at her victory smile. "Yea... He went... Back to... Earth?" She smiled half heartily, and her sisters only reply was a facehoof.

"We need to get rid of all the humans." Celestia said bluntly.

Luna just rolled her eyes and replied, "Yea, but maybe next time, don't send them to the moon."

"Hey!" Celestia replied angrily. "How was I supposed to know that humans can't survive on the moon? I've seen a video of one of them doing it, you know, with guns and stuff!"

Luna facehoofed again, and was certain that it wouldn't be the last. "Firstly, that was a video game I was playing. It wasn't even on the moon, it was in a space ship! The moon is inhabited!"

The older sister just rolled your eyes. "Sorry I never visited the moon."

"... It's because you sent me to the moon without knowing what was even there!" Luna felt like slamming her head into a table and breaking it in half, then throwing the remains out the window, and hoping it would land on her head.

"Well, where was I supposed to send you, the Everfree Forest near Ponyville?" Celestia said sarcastically.

Luna's eyes sparked. "Yes. That would have been preferable. Maybe then I would've had more friends that aren't online friends."

"Oh yes, maybe then you could visit Ponyville!" Celestia said obviously playing along at this point.

Luna nodded, imagining the outcomes with much optimism. "Yes! That would have been desirable!"

Celestia decided to end it. "Yea, then if you were still Nightmare Moon, you could have taken over Ponyville and have even more ponies hate you in the future! Oh-oh, even better. You recovered from that state, and you were Luna again, but suddenly everypony started hating you because you used the old language as well as the Royal Canterlot voice! Then, nopony would know you were back to normal! This is a marvelous idea! If only I could go back in time- where's the Time Lord when we need him-"

"I'm right here your majesty!" Said a brown earth pony with a hourglass cutie mark. Celestia facehoofed, and Luna was fuming with anger because of her sisters sarcastic behavior.

"Uh, I think this is a bad time. I'll be back if you need me!" The Time Lord began to slowly dissipate from existance, and move to another year or something. Even the narrator doesn't know...

Both sisters stared at each other for a bit longer, and Luna spoke up. "I hope you know how much of a bitch you're being right now."

Her sister gasped from the use of crude language. "Luna! You should know not to use such language!"

Luna just sighed. "You wanted me to learn modern language of the ponies, so I decided to talk to ponies online to learn."

Celestia just paused, not sure what to say. She thought of a few replies, but all of them seemed to be inadequate to Luna's probable reply. So she stayed silent.

"Yes, that's what I thought. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to play some Modern Warmare II to get my anger out by imagining every pony I obliterate is you." She made her way towards the door, and Celestia's jaw dropped to the floor. Luna turned around once more and said, "Bye!" With a sing-song voice, and she waved her hoof back at her sister before leaving her alone.

It wasn't long till she realized she had a big job to do. A very big one indeed. She needed to get rid of the thousands humans she let into Equestria. Not to mention the hundreds of Seventh Elements being introduced everyday in the Everfree or some other epic area.

She needed a strong unicorn to stop the portals from reopening and sucking in humans at random. Yet, it's not just the humans she has to worry about. She knew that all too well. She, and all of Equestria would pray to never have another Mario incident again. Just one more reason why to close up all the portals leading to other dimensions or worlds.

She needed something, somepony. Somepony who knows what he or she is doing, and is intelligent when it comes to different worlds. Not the Doctor, no, she didn't need the Time Lord. She needed somepony knows about the other world.

A pony who is a twenty-four seven hyper pony with a pink mane and coat, and specializes in parties.

She needed Pinkie Pie.