Spike's Best "Man"

by Lighttone GryphonStar

Rating: teen
Tags: Gabby, Ember, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Rarity
Length: 1135

When Ember agreed to be Spike's best man, she never expected to also play wedding counselor. But as everyone start having cold feet, its up to this fearsome dragon to save the day... and hopefully not burn everything down in the process.

It's the biggest wedding of the century. The union of three species, and the ending a of a great war. All Spike has to do is be ready... he's not. Luckily, or should be said unluckily, his best man is there to help him through this big ultimate step. Ember, the dragon lord has been tasked with this impossible mission when every other choices has mysteriously vanished.

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Published 2023-06-01 21:30:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-01 21:30:00 UTC

Do I look like a man?!

The bells chimed with glee and the Sun beamed with its brightest light as commanded by its princess; Flowers bloomed and birds sang to the tunes of the opening music. Soft and impactful was the entire land of Equestria during this day. For this day would bring about the greatest change in the history books since the pegasus, unicorn, and earth pony settled in this land.

A great union was on the horizon that would bring forth massive changes to not only Equestria but all of its neighbors. Many from these places had come in attendance at this glorious moment. All wanted to see and know the significance of this event.

The event in question, a wedding. Only problem...

"I can't do it!!" Spike roared deep.

"Why?" Twilight asked. "You've been waiting years for this."

Spike snapped back at her. "No! Not that! I mean I can't get married!" He began to panic at the thought of having to marry somepony, really anypony.

"Starlight, let me handle it," Ember picked Twilight up and yeeted her down the path like a toy. She rushed over and shook Spike violently. "Get a hold of yourself!"

"But... Ember!!" He tried to stop her. "I'm about to get married!"

Ember interrupted him again. "Spike, you're getting married!" She repeated his words as if she didn't hear a single thing he said. "It's your time to shine, it's your turn to have a family, and it's time to settle down so you can start your own legacy."

"You quoted that from a book didn't you?" Spike narrowed his eyes at her.

"Do you think I can read?!" Ember raised an eyebrow and slapped across the face. "You are sounding crazier by the second."

Spike gulped and nodded his head. "Obviously, I'm getting married?!"

"To two lovely brides to be..." Ember pointed out the door. "Now which one is Rarity, again?"

"The unicorn?" Spike deadpanned.

"You sure? I could have sworn that was griffin's name. Frankly sounds like a horrible name for a dragon wife. Make her change it to Gibbon or Grizzled." Ember laughed and slapped him on the back. "You stud, catching those prizes must have taken a lot of work."

"Well... it did." Spike leaned down. "I've been after those two for years and now they agreed to share their worlds with me."

"Don't forget this move will end the war." Ember jabbed his shoulder.

"All the more reasons why I'm so stressed."

Ember looked around and saw that many were already in place. The grounds were decorated beautifully. "Just relax, everything will go off without a hitch."

"But what if it doesn't?!" Spike groaned. "What if Rarity and Gabby kill each other before reaching the priest?! What if King Sombra breaks in and demands sudden revenge on me for finally remembering that I'm the one who defeated him? What if Discord tries to kill half the guests just to make sure Fluttershy catches the bouquet?! What if there's a plague of changelings fueled by me and my soon-to-be wives?!?!"

"Calm down!" Ember wrapped her arms around her best bud. "First off, those two absolutely love and adore you. Second, I don't think Thunderlane hates you that much?"

"Sombra!"

"Yeah, yeah, the black pegasus!" Ember argued. "I know which one is which. Plus, we have my nerdy mate, Thorax, here in case of any changeling problems--" She stopped at the sight of Thorax being held down by Smolder and Gallus, as he was foaming at the mouth from the amount of love in the air.

"This is the first you've seen changelings at a wedding, isn't it?" Spike rolled her eyes at her.

"Yeah... I sort of forgot about literally chaining him down at our wedding..." Ember laughed shyly at herself. "Or he would have taken me right then and there... in front of the priest!"

"Your words are getting less helpful by the second..." Spike took a step back and looked over the proceeding. It was truly a beautiful wedding but ever since he got into place his body screamed at him to run away. "... I can't do this."

"Yes, you can!" Ember demanded him back to his spot. "You will complete this wedding!"

"You can't make me?!"

"Yes, I can!" Ember screamed at him so loud the others guests jumped back in their seats. "I am your 'best man', and while I have no idea what that title means, I know I will help you in any way I can."

"You're right..." He stopped as she lifted him in the air

"You love them right?" Ember shook him like a ragdoll.

"Yes!" Spike squirmed.

"You want to hold them?" She narrowed her eyes on him

"Yes!" Spike growled at her.

"Please them!"

"Yeah!!" Spike roared with fire.

"Then you've got to, got to, care a little!!" She threw her head back and spewed massive fire into the air, scaring everypony clear out of their seats. "Chicks love the romantic stuff?!"

"How do you know that?"

"I don't, I just got that from a movie I watched last night."

"Ember, please calm down," Starlight demanded.

"Sorry, Twilight," she apologized to the priest, again giving the wrong name.

"Ember..." Spike grumbled in her claws. "You're right, but still..."

"Still, nothing!" She smashed him into place. "Now stand there, shut up, and marry those two dames!"

"Hopefully you are right..." Spike took a deep breath and adjusted his suit. He wasn't sure of anything, yet as the music started playing and Rarity and Gabby walked through the entrance of the church, all his fears faded away. "Here goes everything."

'Uh..." Ember raised an eyebrow. "Spike, you are marrying Rarity and Gabby, right?"

"Yes..." He tried to keep a straight face.

"Then why are Shining Armor and King Sombra walking down here."

Spike facepalmed and didn't say another word until the ladies were in place. Starlight tried to hold back her laughter and opened up the good book.

"Dear, friends and family. We are gathered here to unite three species together in holy matrimony." Starlight presented Spike, Gabby, and Rarity. "If there is anyone here who has a problem with this union please speak now or forever hold you peace."

"I have a problem!!" Garble flew in with his flames blazing. "Gilda, you can't marry this horrible goofball player--" He stopped halfway at the sight of Spike, Rarity, and Gabby. "Oh, wrong wedding room."

"Thunderlane's wedding is down the street." Starlight grabbed him in her magic.

"Oh... You griffins all look alike!"

"I know, the same thing happens with these ponies," Ember complained. Flying into the air, she grabbed him by the tail and threw him out the window, hopefully in the right direction.

"Thank you, Ember," Starlight cheered.

"You're welcome Twilight."