The Unicorn Owl

by Gnarlwood

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Derpy Hooves, Slice of Life, Main 6, Princess Luna
Length: 5516

With the sighting of a new species of owl near Ponyville, the town has caught ornithology fever and the only cure for the madness is Twilight Sparkle. Naturally, she never stood a chance.

With a never-before seen unicorn owl having been sighted near Ponyville, everypony in town is competing for the opportunity to get a sighting and a picture of this suddenly-legendary avian. The only defense against the obsession and madness of the citizens is, as usual, Twilight Sparkle, but will even her mighty scientific acumen and academic discipline be enough to restrain the amateur ornithologist hysteria before it's too late? Will she be able to save her friends from their misconceptions and mistakes about the scientific method? Of course not. But dear Celestia, she will try.

Takes place between 'Luna Eclipsed' and 'A Canterlot Wedding.'

Inspired by the creature of the same name from the Red Green show, and with many thanks to the kindness of ScribbleStick, who provided some truly excellent pre-reading services. And additional thanks to EverfreePony for the artwork.

Published 2021-12-21 23:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-21 23:20:01 UTC

The Great Unicorn Owl Hunt

It was a lazy summer day and that was the downfall of Twilight Sparkle. Had the weather been different, or had Ponyville’s library been open to the public that day, she would have gotten up earlier and perhaps been able to stop the insanity that was to come. In hindsight, she suspected this was no coincidence. But so it went. She finally dragged herself out of bed at ten-thirty and went through her morning routine with the kind of languid sloth she would have loathed in herself at any other time, but today was her day off and she had become quite accomplished at relaxing since her arrival at Ponyville. Once the clock struck eleven, then it was back to business.

Still rubbing sleep out of her eyes, she made her way downstairs to find Spike unexpectedly solemn. The little dragon was busy flipping through the books in the biology section and muttering to himself.

“Good morning, Spike!” she said, peering over his shoulder. Much to her relief, this wasn’t a repeat of the dragon anatomy incident. He seemed to be looking through the section on birds. “What makes you interested in birds today?”

“Not just me, Twilight,” he said, shaking his head. “It’s a good thing you slept through the fuss earlier. Half the town was here trying to get into the library after the article in today’s paper. I think one or two of them brought a battering ram.”

“Article?” Twilight said, already feeling her heart making a closer acquaintance with her throat. “What article?”

He wordlessly handed her the newspaper sitting beside him and her jaw dropped like a stone.

UNICORN OWL SIGHTED IN WHITETAIL WOODS, the front page blared, showing an artist’s rendition of what appeared to be a cross between a pelican and a narwhal.

“Keep reading,” Spike advised her. “It gets worse.”

Twilight’s eyes raced over the words below, certain phrases leaping out to deal another crushing blow to her intellect. Never before seen…possible new species…confirmed reports from visiting journalist Nightly News…has offered a reward for the first photo taken!

“Spike,” she said, in a voice terrible in its tranquility, “When the half of Ponyville wanting books on ornithology left earlier today, where did they go?”

He sighed. “Judging from the dust trail, Whitetail Woods. It’s all anypony has talked about ever since.”

“And do you know what this means, Spike?” she asked, some new and terrifying emotion seeping into her voice.

He let out another sigh, turning to face her. “Pinkie Pie was right, you can never have too many lemonade stands?”

“It means,” she said, “That ponies will not be searching for the owl properly!” This last came in a rising shriek that made the young dragon flinch slightly. Then the newspaper fluttered to the floor as Twilight galloped off, horn flaring as she began gathering surveying equipment.

“I have to get to Whitetail Woods!” she went on, babbling to no one in particular. “This is a disaster! Do they have any idea the kind of trouble they could get into? No! They just run blindly into the forest with a camera! Oh, this is terrible! Where are my saddlebags? And where did I put my binoculars?”

“Um, Twilight?” Spike said, “Do you really think you need to be there? I mean, nothing bad’s going to happen just from ponies visiting the woods, right?”

Her head snapped around as she gave him a confused look.

“What? Of course I have to be there!” she protested. “With half of Ponyville running around the woods willy-nilly with no care for proper scientific discipline or any idea what they’re doing, I just know something terrible is going to happen!”

“Yeah, they could run into Angel Bunny’s extended family,” Spike said with a snicker. “Or find the unicorn owl without your help.” Twilight scowled at him.

“My concern is entirely related to the scientific method and amateur ornithologists making fools of themselves. Stop looking at me like that. This isn’t like last time.”

Spike nodded, valiantly trying to keep the smile off his face. He was not entirely successful and Twilight growled in frustration, turning back to her packing. I can’t believe so many ponies just ran off without waiting for an informed, professional opinion! What are they thinking? I just hope they haven’t gone too far.

Twilight had no problem following the trail the would-be unicorn owl hunters had left. The trail out to Whitetail Woods wasn’t wide enough to hold them all and their hoofprints littered the softer ground to either side of the hard-packed earth of the trail. However, her undue haste had left her short of breath and so it was with some relief that she passed over the border of Sweet Apple Acres and into the patchwork of shade cast by the towering apple trees. Whitetail Woods couldn’t be more than a fifteen-minute walk away by now. Then her contentment instantly vanished as she saw the rudimentary bird blind set up off to one side of the trail and Applejack waving at her from within.

“Howdy, Twi!” the farm pony called to her. “I thought you’d be along once you heard the news. Whatcha think of my little unicorn owl-catching rig?”

Twilight restrained herself from facehoofing with difficulty and trotted over.

“The blind looks fine, Applejack,” she said, “But what makes you think that the unicorn owl is going to come to this particular spot?”

“Well, I ain’t exactly sure,” Applejack admitted, “But I set out all kinds of bait over there. You see up in Leaflock’s branches there?”

Following her pointing hoof, Twilight saw several things tied to one of the higher branches of the tree. Then she sighed heavily, one eye beginning to develop a twitch. “I suppose that’s your interpretation of a unicorn owl?”

“Sure is!” the earth pony said proudly. Perched upon the branch was a roughly carved wooden statue that vaguely resembled the drawing in the paper with feathers glued to it. “I ain’t exactly a dab hoof with a woodsaw,” she went on, “But I reckon it’s close enough to get the feller to come in for a look-see. And if that don’t catch his eye, there’s the rest of it there. Had the bird feeders before, but the rest of it is borrowed.”

“Leaving aside the fact that owls are nocturnal,” Twilight said, “And that while rodents are one of their preferred foods, those rodents aren’t stuffed or found hanging from strings, I’ll admit that part was thought through. But why the rest of it?”

“It’s shiny,” Applejack said. “Foil, a few gemstones, them mirror shards. Oh, and that there foal’s magic book Spike let me borrow from your library this morning. Birds like shiny things, and most unicorns like magic, right?”

Twilight once again resisted the urge to facehoof. “I…understand the idea, but the application could be improved,” she grumbled. “If that book comes back with a single grass stain or torn page, I—hold on, what was that?” The rustle of hoofbeats across the grass was clearly audible and Applejack yanked Twilight inside the blind. A moment later, Rarity emerged from the underbrush, dressed for a safari in khaki pants, jacket, and a pith helmet, and carrying a net and birdcage on her back. Upon seeing Applejack’s unicorn owl mockery, she squealed in glee.

“A-ha! I knew it! I have found the mysterious unicorn owl!”

Twilight gave into her urges and smacked her forehead with a hoof. It felt refreshing, so she did it a few more times while Applejack shook with silent laughter. Meanwhile, Rarity attempted to stealthily creep up on her prey, bird net held firmly in her telekinetic grip. However, as she was simultaneously attempting to keep her mane and tail out of the dirt, the effect resembled a giant, fashionable cat attempting to scare away predators. Twilight opened her mouth to speak but Applejack managed to whisper, “Wait for it!” And so the two continued to observe the spectacle.

At length, Rarity made it up to the base of the tree. Raising her net, she flung it downwards and actually managed to dislodge the wooden owl from its perch. As the weight was more than she had expected, it promptly cracked into her helmet and she tumbled to the ground, more from shock than any harm, but with a blood-curdling screech as she hit the dirt. Applejack then pulled on a string Twilight hadn’t noticed when she first entered the blind and a much bigger net unfolded from up in the tree branches, gently falling down to drape itself over the stricken unicorn. Then the earth pony burst out laughing at last until tears came to her eyes. Twilight’s eye twitched some more and she shivered slightly as she repressed the urge to scream along with Rarity. Think of science! Calm! Professional! Educational!

“What on Equestria is this…this fiendish, diabolic horror?” Rarity demanded of the air as she struggled to her hooves. Then her eyes narrowed as she heard the roaring laughter. “Applejack! This is not amusing in the slightest! Get me out of this accursed net!”

“Well, lookee here,” the earth pony said as she came trotting out of the blind, a huge grin on her face. “Looks like I done caught me a genuine unicorn owl!” She let out a low whistle. “Sure is a powerful loud creature! I never heard such sounds come out of a bird before, neither! Watcha reckon, Twi? Should I throw this one back and hope for better next time? Guess I should.” She began distangling Rarity from the net while the seamstress spluttered in outrage.

“What is the meaning of this atrocity, Applejack?” Rarity asked, hissing in frustration as the net caught on her horn. “Nopony is taking this unicorn owl from me! Quick, before it flies off, catch it!” She flung off the last of the entangling strands and frantically looked around for her own net, only to find it being held by the earth pony, with the owl mock-up still within.

“Sure thing!” Applejack agreed. “Here y’go. Guess I can always make another if you like it that much.”

Rarity beheld the truth of her prey and her eyes went wide. “It’s a fake?” she shrieked. “But the gemstones! How could they have led me astray like this?”

Applejack wordlessly gestured upwards and Rarity looked up to see the sparkling gemstone shards. Another discordant wail followed.

“This is the Worst! Possible! Thing! I have never been so humiliated in my whole life! Applejack, please! You can’t tell anypony! Oh, hello Twilight.” Twilight had in the intervening time also emerged from the blind.

“Hello, Rarity,” she said. “I promise we won’t tell anypony.” She tactfully neglected to inform the other mare of the coating of dust Rarity had acquired or the sizable dent in her pith helmet.

Rarity relaxed at once with a deep sigh. “Thank you. It’s just…oooh! Just thinking about it pains me to no end!” Then a thought struck her and her voice went dangerously flat. “Applejack, darling,” she said. “I take it this is your own method of hunting the owl?”

“Eeyup,” Applejack replied innocently.

“Then, dare I ask, why did you sit there and watch me make an utter fool of myself in this fashion?”

“Sorry, sugarcube,” the earth pony said with a chuckle, “But you should’ve seen yourself. That was just too funny not to let it play out.”

“You…!” Then Rarity deflated as quickly as she had puffed up, and a little smile touched her lips. “Well, yes, I do see your point. I imagine it was quite amusing. However!” She drew herself up and retrieved her net and birdcage from where they had fallen. “I must continue my search.”

“About that, actually,” Twilight put in, keeping annoyance out of her voice with a degree of effort that could have burned Ponyville off the face of Equestria, “Why are you looking for the owl by tracking gemstones?”

“Not whole ones, dear, gemstone dust,” Rarity corrected her, her eyes lighting up. “You see, no pony has ever seen a unicorn owl before. Where could it have come from? How does an ordinary creature attain such a strange form?” She paused a moment, looking expectantly from Twilight to Applejack and back. The earth pony shrugged silently.

“The Everfree Forest is the most obvious place,” Twilight said.

Rarity nodded excitedly. “Exactly, dear. And the reason is also obvious: Poison Joke! So, I have sprinkled a light dusting of gemstone powder over all the patches of poison joke known to Ponyville. The owl eats the plant, and I track the only gemstones that move of their own accord. I suppose it must have been the wind moving these ones that deceived me.”

“Rarity, poison joke comes from deep in the Everfree Forest,” Twilight groaned. “That’s much too far from here, owls don’t migrate that far. And what if some other kind of animal eats it? You could end up tracking a manticore!”

“Details!” Rarity said, her eyes taking on a somewhat manic gleam. “Inconsequential in the grander scheme of things! No, I shall prove my theory correct by the end of today! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must away.” Holding her head high, she turned and trotted off back into the orchard, towards the woods.

Applejack shrugged. “Well, guess I ought to get this here critter set up again.” She picked up the owl replica.

Twilight looked over to the earth pony with an expression of dawning horror. “You’re still going to try and make this work? Applejack, you’re a great farmer, but I don’t think your fake owl is going to attract anything but woodpeckers.”

“Not just an owl, Twi,” Applejack said, a broad grin splitting her face, “A unicorn owl. Nopony knows nothing about this critter, so I reckon I’ve got as good a chance as anypony of getting one this way. Unless any of your books has got anything on it?”

“Well…no,” Twilight admitted, “But—”

“And there you go,” Applejack said, as if that concluded the matter. “New critter, new rules.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to completely disregard common sense!” Twilight cried out desperately as the earth pony walked off towards the tree.

“I ain’t ignoring it,” Applejack called back over her shoulder, “Heck, my idea is downright sensible compared to some of the other folks I saw heading north. Oh! That reminds me, Twi, would you mind rounding up my sister and her friends? I think they’ve had about enough time to gallivant about. Twilight?” But when she turned around, all that remained of the librarian was a rapidly departing trail of dust as Twilight galloped northwards as if pursued by timber wolves. Applejack shook her head. “That mare is just like a bumblebee in a bucket of tar, working hard and getting nowhere.”

Twilight had to slacken her pace after a scant two minutes of sprinting, particularly since that took her out from under the orchard’s shady reach and back into the blazing summer sun. Also, her breathing was making noises like bagpipes with bronchitis and she was reasonably sure her legs weren’t supposed to shake like that. Wiping sweat from her brow, she plodded onwards, driven by thoughts of the Cutie Mark Crusaders somehow burning down Whitetail Woods so they could find the unicorn owl in the ashes. With visions of tree sap and matches dancing in her head, she completely missed the rainbow streak heading her way until it was upon her.

Then Rainbow Dash’s slipstream almost knocked her off her hooves. The pegasus executed a broad , sweeping turn, bleeding speed, and circled back around to execute a perfect skidding sideways landing in front of Twilight. Or rather, she totally would have, and it would have been awesome, but Twilight had staggered back upright and just into her way, blinded by the dust cloud off the road. So instead, Rainbow smacked headlong into her friend and the two mares tumbled into the grass, rolling along for a short distance. It was not, sadly, awesome.

Spitting grass stalks and dust, Twilight blinked her eyes clear to find Rainbow Dash grinning down at her in a particularly pained fashion.

“Uh, heya, Twilight,” she said. “Did you like the breeze? You were looking pretty beat down there.”

“Rainbow Dash!” Twilight exclaimed, leaping to her hooves and planting both forehooves on the pegasus’ shoulders in a vise grip. “Thank Celestia! I need you to get me to Whitetail Woods so we can stop this unicorn owl insanity in the name of logic! Ponyville has to know the truth! It has to end!” Then she noticed the fake unicorn horn tied on to Rainbow’s head and her eye twitched again.

“So…this is a bad time to ask you what you think of my idea to find it?” Dash asked.

“No, by all means, tell me your idea!” Twilight said, a pleading expression on her face as she squeezed Rainbow’s shoulders harder. “Your wonderful, logical, reasonable idea! Right?”

“Uh, Twilight, that kind of hurts,” Rainbow muttered, and the unicorn let go at once, her whole head twitching.

“Oh! Sorry about that,” she said, laughing nervously. “Just, you know, I’m a little worried about half of Ponyville wandering around the forest like this.” She took a few deep breaths. Reason! Discipline! Patience! Actually, with so many ponies around, maybe the Crusaders will be all right. See, I just needed to stop and think. Things can’t be this bad in the actual forest. Just the boredom should convince most ponies to turn back by midday.

“Yes, I’d like to hear about your idea,” she went on, and Rainbow’s face lit up.

“Awesome! See, I figure I’ve got the edge here, because I can outrun any owl once I find it. I’m betting this is some kind of super-rare animal, so he hasn’t seen any unicorn owl chicks in a long time. Sooo, I do a pegasi mating dance with this bad colt here—” She tapped her fake horn. “—and he comes flying right over! Or, if it’s a female owl, I could show her some awesome unicorn owl moves to get the stallions. Or, y’know, whatever you call male unicorn owls. Check it out!” Without waiting for an answer, she beat her wings and took to the air once again.

Those who have not seen a traditional pegasus mating dance would have been astonished at the sight. Those who had seen one would have been absolutely disgusted at how it was being twisted and improvised with in the name of awesomeness. Twilight had, in fact, seen one before and read about the subject. She felt as though she was watching a majestic eagle slowly nosedive into a cliff and she was powerless to stop it. I did not think pegasi could make sounds like that.

The mating call of the pegasus had to be loud to be heard over rushing winds, or even thunder and lightning, if need be. It was, however, very much an acquired appeal to non-pegasi and Twilight had never felt the need to do so. Now she privately renewed that decision, given that Rainbow seemed to be trying to combine it with an owl’s hoot and a popular song from Ponyville’s sparse club scene. At length, Rainbow finished her aerial routine and came back down to alight in front of her, forelegs raised as if expecting applause.

“So, what do you think?” she asked Twilight, grinning ear-to-ear, “Pretty cool, huh? Actually, don’t tell anyone, but I was really inspired by Ditzy-”

Twilight was saved from replying by the second pegasus who burst forth out of the tall grass like a panther and took Rainbow in a flying body tackle so fast that all Twilight saw was a grey blur. Glancing over, she saw the town mailmare holding Rainbow in a Half Neighson.

“Izzat you, Ditzy?” Rainbow groaned, shaking her head.

“I accept!” the other mare squealed delightedly, nuzzling into Rainbow’s mane, “I never knew you thought of me that way, but that was the most beautiful confession of love ever! You took my essence and turned it into a sky-dance! I can’t promise anything, but I really want to see where this goes!”

Rainbow’s eyes almost popped out of her head and she turned to look at Twilight with a wordless plea for help. Twilight raised her hooves helplessly.

“Um, well, it looks like the two of you have a lot to talk about” she said, backing off. “So...I should just...leave you to it, then? Unicorn owl business to attend to and all that, yes, heh-heh!”

“Thanks, Twilight!” Ditzy said, “If we work out, you’re invited to the wedding!”

Rainbow managed a terrified squeak before Ditzy promptly slung the other mare over her shoulder
and merrily trotted off back towards Ponyville.

Well, Twilight thought, That does simplify my search. I’m not going that way for a while.

Two hours later found Twilight walking wearily along through the cool shade of the forest with the enthusiasm of a career bureaucrat and the blank, glassy stare of a combat medic who had decided they had seen enough. She walked because she was afraid of what might happen if she stopped. I no longer fear Tartarus, I have been to Whitetail Woods in unicorn owl season. She still shuddered at her encounter with Angel Bunny. The foul-tempered rabbit had his own ideas of getting ponies out of the woods and they involved a sizable supply of rotten eggs.

Abruptly, a piercing scream echoed through the forest, causing every animal for a hundred feet to either dive for cover, go silent, or take flight and making Twilight jump a foot in the air.

“Don’t move! Keep that hoof in the air!” A second later, Fluttershy came skittering through the air towards her like a hummingbird on pixie dust, mane frazzled and eyes wide and rolling in terror.

“Uh-“ Twilight tried, but was promptly cut off.

“You’ve just destroyed that beautiful spiderweb and were about to step on that poor ant!” the pegasus shrilled, reaching down and carefully moving the ant in question to a safe place before delicately distangling the snapped webbing from Twilight’s other foreleg.

“Fluttershy-“ the unicorn tried again, but the other mare’s head snapped up to fix her with a look resembling a quarter-strength Stare, more than enough to pin her in place.

“Twilight! Have you seen Angel Bunny? I’ve been trying to find him all morning, but there are just too many ponies running around and scaring everything and crushing ants and spiders and…and…and…” She seemed just as much at a loss for words as Twilight, who shrugged and pointed in the last direction she’d seen the lapine-shaped demon.

“Don’t suppose you’ve seen the unicorn owl?” Twilight asked dully, but Fluttershy shook her head.

“No, too busy!” The sound of faint hoofbeats drifted through the trees and Fluttershy leapt into the air again. “Sorry, Twilight, I have to go!” A moment later she heard another deafening bellow. “How dare you come so close to that hornet’s nest! Is that gemstone dust on it?” There was a familiar piercing shriek and an audible buzzing that made Twilight briefly pick up the pace before falling back into her slow, ponderous walk.

What really was on the verge of breaking the unicorn’s mind was the fact that almost none of the ponies she tried to explain the situation to were listening. Between She heard a loud hooting sound and her ears twitched. Another owl call whistle. If I find out who sold those to ponies, there will be a reckoning. Then it sounded again, closer, and the glass over her eyes began to crack. Wait a minute, that doesn’t sound like any owl call I ever heard. Have I been out here so long I’m hearing things? Or have I actually found the unicorn owl? A third hoot echoed through the woods and Twilight held her breath as she waited for its origin to emerge. Instead, a fourth hoot cut off in mid-call, followed by three familiar voices shouting in alarm and soft hoofbeats drumming against the forest floor. Then Owlowiscious burst through the foliage and into her face, startling her.

“Gah! Oh, wait, it’s you!”

Her pet hooted delightedly and fluttered over to perch on her back. Twilight’s happiness was short-lived as she saw the string tied to one of his legs and her eyes began to narrow. Sure enough, the Cutie Mark Crusaders were the next wild beasts to come crashing through the undergrowth, covered in tree sap again, wild-eyed, and the owl whistle clamped firmly between Sweetie Belle’s teeth still sounding with each breath she took. As the three came to a halt, the unicorn filly spit out the whistle and started gasping for breath.

“Oh, thank Celestia, you got him!” Scootaloo exclaimed, seeing Owlowiscious. Then she saw who he was sitting on and chuckled nervously, going very pale. “Uh…hey, Twilight! Nice to see you!”

“Scootaloo’s…idea,” Sweetie wheezed.

“Hey!” the pegasus objected, “We all agreed on it, it doesn’t matter whose idea it was!”

Twilight cleared her throat and all three fillies flinched and fell silent.

“I have so many questions it’s hard to decide where to start,” the librarian mused. “How about the big one? When, exactly, did it seem like a good idea to kidnap my assistant and drag him around the forest looking for a rare animal?”

“We asked him first!” Scootaloo protested, “And we’re looking for a unicorn owl! He’s an owl that lives with a unicorn. Isn’t that what that is? We thought he’d be able to find the other one everypony’s talking about. The string was so the other unicorn owl couldn’t carry him off, we were afraid he’d like finding another one so much he wouldn’t want to go back to the library!”

“I still don’t think that’s how it works,” Applebloom muttered. “I think he’s more of an alicorn owl.”

“Not this…again,” Sweetie protested, beginning to catch her breath.

Twilight sighed and looked over to the other unicorn.

“Where did you get that whistle? I’ve never heard one like it.”

“Zecora’s house,” the filly replied. “We said we were looking for a bird that no one had ever heard of and needed a whistle for it, and she said she was sure this one wouldn’t attract any kind of bird she knew about and she’d never heard of the unicorn owl. She was really nice about it.”

Finally, Twilight looked over to Applebloom, who swallowed hard.

“And what was your idea?”

“Well, you know I’ve been studying alchemy, and I found a recipe for a potion of true seeing! I think I messed up on it, though, now everything just looks blue. So I traded off holding the string with Scootaloo.” She perked up a little. “The others have seen the unicorn owl, though, even if I haven’t. We’ve been trying to follow it.”

“And you were going to do what, exactly, once you found it?” Twilight asked, her frown deepening.

“Just take a picture and get the reward,” Scootaloo said, nudging at the camera stuffed into her oversized saddlebags, “We promise!” She sighed. “But it looks like all we’re gonna get is in trouble again. We’re really sorry, Twilight!”

“You’ll have to apologize to your parents, not me,” Twilight informed them. “Since nothing happened, I’m willing to forgive you, but they may have other ideas in mind. And…” she blushed slightly. “Just where did you see the unicorn owl?”

As the setting sun lined the horizon in fading red, Twilight Sparkle found herself trudging wearily home under the shadows of her namesake, head hanging low and barrel sore from the weight of her saddlebags. As her beloved library drew into view, she heaved a mighty sigh. Dear Princess Celestia, she mused. Today I have learned that unicorn owls aren’t worth whatever it takes to find one and have discovered yet another way in which Ponyville’s citizens can lose their collective rationality. Case in point… She raised her weary head. “Pinkie, what are you doing?”

The other mare grinned back. “Hiya, Twilight! I spent the day making party invitations for the unicorn owl and now I’m posting them all around town. I would’ve put some in Whitetail Woods, but I don’t have enough party supplies on hand to throw one for all the animals there. Besides, we’re short of muffins after Rainbow Dash stopped by.” She gestured proudly to the tiny, owl-sized brochure hanging from the nearby tree branch with equally tiny tear-off tickets at the bottom. Owlowiscious promptly let out a triumphant-sounding hoot, hopped off Twilight’s back and fluttered over to nip one off.

Twilight chuckled weakly. “Well, I guess you’re sure of at least one guest.”

“Nah, I’ve got at least two!” Pinkie assured her, whipping out an owl-sized party hat from her mane and securing it atop Owlowiscious’ head. “The unicorn owl got one earlier on this evening but I thought I could at least try and get some other owls so they had fun. See, it’s right over there.”

Following Pinkie’s pointing hoof, Twilight froze in place, mouth open in a strangled gasp. There, sitting on one of the branches of Golden Oaks, sat an avian that could only be described as the most magnificent unicorn owl she had ever seen, resplendent in shades of grey, blue, and black, complete with a spiraled horn atop its head, next to another of Pinkie’s deliberately askew party hats.

“But…but…how?” Twilight managed to splutter.

Pinkie giggled, taking on the ruthlessly cunning expression that so many had learned to both fear and anticipate.

“Well, if I were a unicorn owl and everypony was looking for me in the woods, I’d hide right here in Ponyville, silly! It’s the last place anypony would expect! You’re welcome at the party if you like. Speaking of, gotta go!” The earth pony zipped off, leaving Twilight alone with the object of her search at last. Shaking off her shock and lethargy, Twilight carefully levitated the camera out of her saddlebags and took aim. I can’t believe it! I did it! Completely unintentionally and I guess we’ll have to name it after Pinkie, but it still counts!

“Make sure you get my good side,” the unicorn owl advised, and Twilight fumbled the shot as her aura stuttered, almost dropping the camera. Wait a minute…I know that voice!

The owl hopped off its branch and with a puff of unnecessary smoke, Princess Luna stood smiling in front of her, still sporting the party hat.

“’Tis heartening to see that this particular jape still works as well as ever it did in my time,” she remarked innocently. “Truly, Twilight, I must thank you. ‘Twas our late discussion on my dislike of astrologers that inspired it all.”

Twilight Sparkle occasionally wished for a less remarkable memory, if only to avoid moments such as this, where the exact phrasing from said conversation, already traumatic enough from learning that Luna once moved a constellation as a prank, immediately popped into her head.

“…moreover, this talk has put me in mind to try a lesser, quite harmless jape of some sort from my younger days to see if they still work.”

At that point, across Ponyville, there was heard a horrible, heartstopping Scream, stretching on into a seeming eternity, which caused at least three false reports of murder, five dropped breakable objects, and three fillies with a guilty conscience to theorize that somepony had found the mess they’d left when sneakily extracting a certain owl from a certain treehouse. Across town at a just-begun party, Pinkie Pie underwent an eye-shattering array of twitches, kicks, and hairstyles, then slung a foreleg around a visibly unnerved Rainbow Dash and pulled her in close.

“Dashie, do you hear that?” she asked, ears twitching. “That is the sound of Ultimate Suffering. My heart made that sound the day I reached the end of the Complete Dessert Lover’s Cookbook. Twilight Sparkle makes it now.”

“…Right,” Rainbow said, shifting uneasily. “So…should we go help her or something?”

Pinkie laughed. “What, are you kidding? I just discovered that you can deep fry ice cream today!”

And so the first (and only) unicorn owl hunt came to an end.

Author's Note

This is a very old piece of mine, as I'm sure you can tell, written during S3 or so, but I hope the idea has aged sufficiently well for it to still be funny. The inspiration came from the episode of the Red Green show entitled 'The Owl Project,' and Rainbow Dash's flight seemed to fit fairly naturally with the scene from a seaplane pilot. From those humble beginnings, this story pretty much wrote itself. I don't usually do comedy and don't expect that to change, but it's good to challenge one's horizons every so often.

And to take a page out of Terry Pratchett's book, for those who caught a certain D&D-related pun, I never said 'potion of blue seeing.' You did that. :twilightsmile: