Blind-bag Pony Challenge: Bumblesweet

by thewaffler

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Iron Will, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Princess Luna
Length: 2297

A day in the life of Ponyville's bee keeper: Bumblesweet as shown by Glitchy Hooves.

As for my suggestion of creating a short story using a random blind-bag pony.

Join Bumblesweet through her day of pollinating Sweet Apple Acres and watch her fend off hungry bears.all while she drags along television show host and failed opera star Glitchy Hooves.

This is all done in a parody of Dirty Jobs with Glitchy Hooves as Mike Rowe.

If you guys have read any of my other stories then you'd see that I tend to put the cycloptic blue stallion in a position of a reporter of some kind..

Published 2012-11-03 22:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-03 22:20:01 UTC

Chapter 1

"Hello I’m Glitchy Hooves and this is my job." A cycloptic earth pony said as he wore an elaborate bee keeper’s suit. "Every day there are millions of hard working creatures from all walks of life that to do the jobs that make life comfortable for the rest of us. These are the Unsung Heroes of Equestria."

Cue the theme song and two minute commercial break.

Commercial Break

"HELLO, IT IS I YOUR PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT HERE WITH ANOTHER FANTASTIC PRODUCT!!!" Luna spoke in the royal Equestrian voice as she appeared behind a counter wearing a blue polo shirt.

"NOW PRESENTING NEW AND IMPROVED HORN-GLOW!!!" The lunar alicorn levitated a tub with the name on the side in bright white and yellow lettering.

"I KNOW WHAT THOU ART THINKING, PRINCESS I'M AN EARTH PONY, I HAVE NO NEED FOR SUCH AN AMAZING PRODUCT. WELL, FEAR NOT DEAR CITIZEN FOR NOT ONLY DOES IT BRIGHTS AND STRENTHS HORNS, BUT HUZZAH, IT ALSO PROTECTS AND STRENGTHENS HARDWOOD FLOORS. IT LEAVES A WONDERFUL CITRUS SCENT AND IS SAFE FOR USE AROUND PETS!!!"

"NORMALLY, A TWENTY OUNCE TUB OF HORN-GLOW COST THIRTY BITS, BUT CALL THE NUMBER DOWN BELOW AND PAY ONLY TWENTY BITS AND WE'LL GIVE THOU ANOTHER TUB ABSOLUTELY FREE!!! THAT'S RIGHT THE TUBS HAVE BEEN DOUBLED, CALL NOW!!!"

The screen faded to a blue background as a number and product information appeared while montage footage of Horn-Glow being used played in a small square in the upper right corner.

End of Commercial

Fade in to Glitchy standing in the middle of a field as he walks toward a small cottage. "I'm here at the Honey Suckle Bee Hives just outside of Ponyville."

The camera backs away to medium distance. "Various farms depend on bees for pollinating their fields. Spas rely on wax for its various lotions and creams. The same wax is used to make candles and seal letters."

"Last there is honey which is a very common in many dishes and meads, but if anypony were asked were all these products come from, most wouldn't be able to give you an answer. The truth is here at Honey Suckle a small group of family owned hives supply fifty-six percent of all bee related services and here with us is a bee keeper who is part of a that great tradition of bee keepers in Equestria."

The camera zoomed out as the cycloptic television host/failed opera singer was joined by a curly orange and yellow maned earth pony that giggled as she introduced. "Oh, hello Mr. Glitchy."

"This is Miss Bumblesweet and she has been the head of this farm for the past seven years."

"Don't use the whole 'miss' thingy, just call me Bumble and today we're gonna have a super duper day working with the bees. Yay!!!"

The blue one-eyed stallion blinked a few times, clearly not use to Bumble's overly happy attitude. "So, Mi...errr Bumble who do you begin your day."

"Weeeell, first I take care of my clients."

"Clients?"

"Yep, silly. The farmers that need my bees and today is super special because it's the day I pollinate Sweet Apple Acres which is an ginormous apple orchard." The yellow mare squeed.

"For our viewers at home, why don't you explain a little of the process involved in the pollination process."

"Okay, first I get my bees and I ask them really nicely to fly from flower to flower and that's it."

"That's it?"

"Yepperoni!!!"

The mare bounced to the area behind her cottage as Glitchy and his camera crew and sound guy followed her. When they rounded the corner they were met with hives the stretched to the sky. It quite frankly looked like some sort of bee metropolis.

"Do you require all your bees for a pollination job?"

"Nope, just one hive and the size of the hive I use depends on the size of the job like Sweet Apple Acres is like two hundred acres."

Glitchy followed the yellow mare into the city like hive configuration. Once again his host's behavior confused him as she trotted into the area wearing no bee suit what so ever.

"I have to ask are you in no danger of being stung?"

"Nope, these bees have ultra, super, domesticated since well...my great, great, great *five minutes later* great grampy Sourwood started the first hive."

"Ummm...okay." At this point his mind was completely broken and you could vaguely hear the sound of his crew snickering.

Eventually, Bumblesweet stopped at a three story hive and knocked on the front door as they waited she turned to the camera. "For a really big place like the Apple orchard, I'mma gonna need a lot of bees, like a whole bunch of bees."

As Glitchy was about to make his usually sarcastic remark to get a cheap laugh out of viewer bees came pouring out of the structure and formed a massive cloud. What was special about these were their size with each of them roughly the size of a ping pong ball, they were the biggest bees he and his crew had ever seen in their lives.

"These bees aren't gonna snap and go all Wicker-Colt on me are they?"

Bumble giggled. "No, silly they're friendly, see?"

One of the bees buzzed happily as it made its way towards the mare and perched itself on her head. "It's nice to see you Freckles."

"You named that bee, is it special?"

"They're all special, I named all of them. That was hard to do because I ran out of names and words."

The producer of the show in post production decided to run a counting gag for how many times Glitchy rolled his eye at Bumble's odd behavior.

"Now that we got our bee's we can go to work."

The pair with the cloud of giant bees made their way out of the hives as towards the road into town.

The screen faded to the title card for the show that read: We'll be back after a word from our sponsor.

Commercial Break

A group of old senior citizen creatures were making idle conversation. "When Copper Kettle's husband passed away, the insurance company said his insurance policy didn't cover them."

"They had no bits to pay for the funeral."

"It's so hard nowadays with all the invasions, gods of chaos, parasprites, gangs, rap music--" She was interrupted by the ancient griffon to her right.

"What about robots?"

"Oh, they're everywhere."

"I don't know why the scientists make them."

Cut to video footage of Twilight Sparkle looking very confused. “What?”

Cut back to the old creatures talking.

"Starshine and I have a policy with Super Royal Insurance that covers us in case we're attacked by robots."

"An insurance policy with a robot plan?"

"Mhm."

"Surely, I'm too old."

"Super Royal Insurance covers any sentient creature in their old age against robot attacks, regardless of current health."

A familiar blue minotaur appeared in a black business suit and tie in front of library like setting. "Hi, I'm Iron Will fitness guru and motivational speaker. I'm here to school you suckas in a growing issue in Equestria: robot attacks on senior citizens. As a senior citizen you're probably aware of the treat robots pose!"

(Cut to footage)

Dramatization

A metallic blue robotic pegasus burst into a bedroom that housed a pair of old donkeys. The robot's eyes turned glowing red and attacked the elderly couple.

"Kill, crush, destroy, swag."

"Robots are everywhere..." The same robotic pegasus threw the old couple against the wall and started to throw their pills into its mouth. "...and they eat old people's medicine for fuel."

"Fuel acquired. Kill, crush, destroy, swag, kill, crush, destroy, swag..."

(End of footage)

"Well, now there's a company that offers coverage in the unfortunate event of a robot attack: Super Royal Insurance. Super Royal Insurance will cover you with no check up or age consideration."

"You need to feel safe and that's harder to do nowadays as robots may strike at anytime." Will said as a chart appeared on screen.

"And when they grab you with those metal claws, you can't break free because they are made out of metal and they are strong."

"Now for four bits a month you can feel alright in a world full of crime and robots with Super Royal Insurance. Make a choice, Super Royal Insurance for when the metal ones come for you."

A disclaimer appeared on screen that read: Ponies or persons denying the existence of Robots may be Robots themselves.

End of Commercial

The screen cut to Glitchy, Bumblesweet and about three hundred bumble bees all of whom had changed location as the screen's text read: Sweet Apple Acres.

"So now that we're here what do we do now?"

"We talk to the owners and tell them that we're here, duh."

At this point Glitchy wondered if he could get a job doing voice work for cartoons.

One not safe for television conversation with a certain farm mare and her grandmother later

The cloud of bees descended upon the orchard and as they proceeded to dance from apple blossom to apple blossom the stallion's mind also wondered what was so dirty or difficult about bee keeping.

"Bumblesweet I gotta ask, but where is the hard part of your job?"

"Hard part?"

Resisting another joke, he sighed. "You know the part of your job that isn't easy."

"Oh, you mean dah Bears!"

"Yeah, the...wait a minute...bears?"

"You seem surprised that a bee keeper wouldn't have to deal with animals trying to steal honey." She said in stern tone.

This was the only time during to the whole day that Glitchy has seen her even remotely serious and quite frankly he was a little scared. "Yeah, anyway about them bears."

One jump cut and they were back at Honey Suckle Bee Hives in a small clearing facing the Everfree Forest.

The loud rumble could be heard and nearby birds flew away. Glitchy Hooves and his crew watched in awe and Bumblesweet ran off to get ready.

"RAWR!!!!"

With that battle cry, an army of pissed off grizzly bears descended upon the bee farm from the forest.

They made their way into the bee metropolis and commenced their attack which resembled something out of a Toho monster movie as they started to demolish streets and smash buildings.

The cycloptic television host hid behind a conveniently placed boulder and instructed his camera crew to keep filming as he one thought played through his mind. 'This is gonna get me an Emmy.'

Bumble sent forth an army of bees wearing military apparel in an attempt to stop the bears. Just like a Toho film the attack of the soldier bees was completely useless as apparently the opposing force had developed immunity to bee stings.

"It's time to summon the big guns." With that she climbed a large tower to the west of the farm and blew into the large alpin-esque horn at the top. It wasn't just any large horn; it was "The Horn of Urgency."

Music started to play through the air as if it were the theme song to some kind of forest dwelling super hero.

The oddest thing Glitchy has ever seen appeared before him. It was a mythological hoo-man in green tights, boots, welding a bow and arrow. He rushed the remaining grizzly bears and hurled them past the horizon.

Bumblesweet climbed down from the tower to greet their new guest.

"Glitchy and everypony , this is my bestest friend: The Huntsman."

The blue stallion regained his composure. "Um...why are you here?"

"There's that darn crime drought in my city.” He said in a matter of factly manner through his impressively shiny teeth. With the greetings out of the way, the hoo-man ran back into the forest.

"See, you at the office Hearth's Warming Eve party!" The yellow mare called out to Huntsman as he disappeared from sight.

"Will, do!"

The confusion tally was up to about fifteen on the bottom of the screen. "Office party?"

She giggled. "You get confused very easily."

The Bees began to assess the damages to their homes and buildings.

"I think I'd like to end this day with some honey."

"Okie, doki." She scooped up some of the amber sticky substance from the rubble and brought it to his face.

"Wait a minute, I meant in the farm ho--" He was interrupted when she shoved the glob of honey into Glitchy's mouth. He was about to yell, but he'd be damned if it wasn't some of the best wild flower honey had ever eaten in his life. "Mmm."

He turned to his camera-colt. "With its giant bees, tough clientele and bear attacks, I hope those of you at home can appreciate the work that goes into your honey, lotions and other assorted cosmetics. This mare is is just one of the many unsung heroes of Equestria."

Fade to black and roll credits.

Producer: Gorgo

Excutive Producer: Dug Southpaw

Camera-colt: Flash Point

Sound editor: Strato Caster

Writer: Glitchy Hooves

Host: Glitchy Hooves

Director: Sure Shot

....

....

The rest of the names went by really fast because they were television credits.

Meanwhile on the deck of his private yacht on the other side of Equestria, Prince Blueblood was soaking in some sun.

"This is the life, just me, my masseuse, my mistress, my chef, my butler and my yacht captain. What more could I ne--" *CRASH*

Blueblood looked over and saw three familiar looking dazed and pissed off looking grizzly bears.

"RAWR!!!" The bears roared in unison as they spotted the prince.

The unicorn let out a scream not too dissimilar from that of a terrified filly. "NOT AGAIN!!!"