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                      The Lost Garden                      
                    -by Angel Midnight-                    
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                     The Journey Home                      
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The Journey Home
It was a cool winter’s day; a chilly wind was blowing towards Canterlot Mountain and it never relented. The sky was overcast and the weak sun, low in the sky, shone a gentle light across the mountainous landscape and the endless countryside beyond the ancient city of Canterlot.
Near the very centre of the city, beyond the hedges that surrounded the shimmering marble white castle that sat atop the hill, were wonders of all kinds from every corner of the imagination. An enormous hedge maze that stretched nearly the entire distance around all the other gardens; a paved area filled with hundreds of unique statues, each telling their own stories; and one particular garden, one of the smaller ones, in which there was very little decoration.
A large pond was situated in the centre, around which was a circular lawned area that was slightly overgrown and had really needed to be trimmed before the frost had set in. There was a minimalistic marble water feature, a simple slope leading down to the pond, with a seating area carved into it that faced south. Beyond the circular lawn the garden had been left to grow wild, with its own varieties of unique plants and flowers amongst the tall grasses. The only disruption to this was a carefully paved stone path that meandered from the entrance to the lawn and the bench. Similar to the rest of the gardens, it was surrounded by a tall hedge.
Sitting on the marble bench on this particular winter day, wearing a light blue coat against the biting cold, was a small yellow pegasus mare with a long wavy pale pink mane and tail that trailed down from the stone bench down to the ground. Fluttershy Breeze stared with large sea green eyes at the glassy surface of the pond, a small frown on her face as she observed the ripples on the surface and her immaculate reflection. Despite the wind, not a strand of her mane nor tail seemed out of place, and in this soft pale light from the winter sun not a mark or bruise or scar from her years of animal husbandry so far could be seen.
She was frowning because she didn’t quite know how she had found herself here, in more ways than one. In the literal sense, she and her friends had been visiting Princess Celestia, and there had been enough extra time for them to explore some of the gardens. Fluttershy had turned around suddenly and found herself alone and hopelessly lost, without her friends to guide her. She did not do well in unfamiliar situations and the idea of being alone in these gardens for a long period of time was an unnerving thought that chipped away at her mind, but so far she had done fairly well on her own.
In the other sense, she didn’t know how she had ended up in a situation in life where she would actually be able to visit the rulers of Equestria. Only six months ago, she was what most ponies would probably call a nopony. Someone who blended into the background, who wasn’t significant or special in any way that mattered. She was a pegasus who hated flying, a mare who wasn’t interested in falling in love, a socially awkward pony who rarely spoke to others except when spoken to, and even then would run for cover at the earliest opportunity. But then her world had been turned upside down by one of her now best friends, Twilight, arriving in Ponyville, and Nightmare Moon’s return.
Was it a good thing, that she had had her ordinary life changed completely? Oh, of course it was - she now had five of the most amazing friends that she could have ever hoped for. But there were always times that she wondered how long that safety net would last, times when she felt alone and lost. This, she decided, was one of those times.
Lost in a beautiful, tranquil, serene garden, yes. Lost in a place in life where she had the chance to have a wonderful time if only she could find her way.
But still, she was lost, and still she was alone, and still she felt the darkness creeping close.
Princess Celestia wandered through the gardens aimlessly, not exactly looking where she was going but with a general idea in her head of where she needed to be. That was always how she was nowadays: she knew what she had to do, but was never sure of the right way to do it. She was going through the motions, hoping against hope that it was the correct thing to do.
She took a wrong turn and found herself on a path that she rarely used anymore. She didn’t have the time to do so now. Strangely, she had believed that once her sister returned they would be able to share enough responsibilities that the two of them would have more free time for themselves and each other. That was not the case. Such an idyllic picture of life as a princess was the stuff of fairytales. She and Luna were forever busy with their duties, and Luna was taking much longer to adapt to modern Equestrian society than Celestia would have liked. With time, maybe that would change. But still it irked her that they couldn’t spend quality time together or sit down to relax on their own more often.
She had to keep her wings close by her sides as she walked down the path. It wasn’t terrible, but some of the plants were slightly overgrown. It was too late in the year for the gardeners to tend to them now, because the frosts had arrived and the plants would be damaged. Pruning them would have to wait for spring, for warmer times of year. As long as the frost wasn’t too cold, they would grow back strong in the spring. Time would only tell.
Celestia stopped at the old grand metal gate upon noticing that it was open. That was nothing unusual; she often found doors and gates open in the gardens, and there were a number of simple explanations. It could have been left like that by one of the gardeners by accident, yes. It could have been blown open by the wind, definitely. So why did she hesitate? Why did she fear to interrupt something? What was there to interrupt? The wind? The silence?
She cleared her throat politely, just in case anypony was there. Then she entered.
This garden in particular was unlike most of the others because much of it had been left to grow wild. This was not down to the gardeners neglecting it, but rather a conscious decision, a request from Celestia made some decades ago now. At this time of year, most of the plants were not in flower, but she noticed that some were persisting. The three plants that seemed to be thriving the most were some rose bushes, a few large lavender plants and some snowdrops dotted here and there.
Roses, lavenders and snowdrops. Three flowers that held particular significance to Celestia, and carried with them a collection of bittersweet memories that swirled around in her mind like a snowstorm. She became lost in these memories of times that had been long forgotten by the rest of ponykind. She wished sometimes that she, too, could forget, but she knew that it would be very unlikely.
It seemed to her that she would never escape.
Fluttershy heard a cough from somewhere behind her and started. Who was it? Why were they here? What did they want? Would she be punished for being here? Did she need to run and hide before she was spotted? Was it worth the risk of even looking to see who it was before she fled?
The hoofsteps were approaching on the stone pathway. If she was going to leave, it was now or never. Stay or go, stay or go? The question screamed itself inside her mind. Then she realised that in her indecisiveness she had missed her chance and that it was too late to escape whatever monsters were awaiting her. She thought of all the worst-case scenarios, realised that it was impossible to prepare for all of them and hoped that none of them would come true.
Celestia heard the slight whimper from behind the marble bench, and drew a sharp breath. So there was somepony else here. Now she knew this, she was aware that the situation could go one of two ways, depending on who she found on that bench. Think carefully, she told herself. Don’t scare them or upset them. No wrong moves.
She walked slowly around the bench and saw its occupant: none other than Fluttershy, the Element Bearer of Kindness. Sweet, young Fluttershy, who now stared at her with panic showing in her sea green eyes. They reminded Celestia of her sister’s cyan eyes, and the thought of all the times that she had seen such terror in them. She hated that look, no matter whom it came from, and she knew she had to do something about it.
“Fluttershy?” she asked calmly. “I didn’t expect to find you here.”
“P-Princess, I’m s-sorry,” the sensitive mare stuttered. ”I-I was lost and I-”
“You are not in any trouble, Fluttershy.”
When Fluttershy heard these words, she was both relieved and slightly confused. “B-But-”
“It’s fine, young pony.” Celestia sat down on the bench next to her, wincing as she felt the cold stone beneath her. Perhaps there was a more logical reason as to why this garden was only ever visited in the summer months. Cold weather was something that Celestia was more than able to withstand, but that bench was positively freezing.
She could tell from Fluttershy’s posture and facial expressions that the young mare was still nervous. She paused to think. How best to make her feel more comfortable? No wrong decisions. No mistakes.
She wrapped a friendly wing around Fluttershy. The latter was surprised, but relaxed a little knowing for sure that the Princess would not cause her any harm. Admittedly, the fact that she was alone with royalty did still make her nervous, but the little show of kindness was more than enough for her to trust Celestia. Yet now that she wasn’t panicking about royal punishments, questions aroze in Fluttershy’s head. Questions that it seemed too rude to ask, but that a small, eager, overly confident part of her wanted answers to.
Celestia, too, had questions for Fluttershy. Questions that she couldn’t ask, because it wasn’t the way for a princess to act around her subjects. There would always be that barrier between ruler and commoner.
Or at least, almost always.
“Forgive me,” said Celestia, trying to be as polite and friendly and formal as possible, “but did you say you were lost?”
Fluttershy nodded. “I turned around and there was nopony else there, and I didn’t recognise anything.”
“I can understand that. Even I sometimes find myself lost in these gardens sometimes. And as for the maze, it once took me two days to realise how to get out.”
The two mares shared a small laugh at that.
“Anyway,” Celestia smiled, “your friends will be looking for you. I know the way back from here. Shall we go and find them?”
Fluttershy hesitated, and that was enough for Celestia to realise that something was playing on the shy pony’s mind. She looked down at Fluttershy, smiling warmly like she always did, waiting expectantly for her to explain. Meanwhile, Fluttershy debated whether or not it was worth asking the question, then shook her head.
“Let’s go back to the castle,” she whispered, running her hooves through her mane as she looked away. She knew as the words left her throat that they would not convince the Princess and that she would be forced to speak her thoughts anyway.
Sure enough, Celestia lost her smile. “Is something the matter?”
“No, it’s ok, Princess. I-It’s nothing important, I-”
“Fluttershy?”
The small pegasus squeaked, looking fearful again. Internally, Celestia groaned. Now I’ve gone and done it. This is why I don’t spend time with ordinary ponies now; I intimidate them. It was all she could to prevent the sigh of frustration with herself from escaping her. On the outside, however, she had to keep her royal façade, act calm and collected, ensure her little ponies were happy even when she was losing confidence in her abilities.
Even when she felt herself that she was lost.
There they were, princess and subject, locked in a deadly stalemate. Neither one was willing to speak for a minute while they stared at each other. Each of them were searching for something in the other, something that they were both too scared to ask for and wouldn’t give easily.
Celestia, however, knew two things. The first was that while it would be difficult to get what she really wanted, it was possible to find out what was troubling Fluttershy. The second was that she was currently in charge of the conversation and could use it to her advantage.
“Fluttershy?” she decided to ask again. “I don’t want to upset you, but please, tell me. Is something the matter?”
Fluttershy gulped. She didn’t like bothering other ponies with her worries, and she felt intimidated by Celestia, and she really, really wanted to be left alone now, but she knew Celestia wasn’t about to leave. And it would be rude not to say something now that she had the chance to, now that she was being listened to…
“Yes,” she sighed.
“Is it anything that I could help you with?”
She shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Would you like to talk about it?”
“Well, I, um, I’m not very good at talking about these things, but if you think you’ll be able to help… yes.”
Celestia nodded. That’s it. Just keep talking, Fluttershy.
“Um,” she began, “you already know that I’m not very confident.” She blushed sheepishly. “I’m not very good at talking to other ponies, either. And then, um, then there’s you, Princess… I know that being a princess isn’t very easy, but you always seem so confident and I-” She stopped herself and lifted a hoof to her mouth as if she had been about to say something rude. “Never mind.”
“You don’t have to be afraid to speak your mind, Fluttershy.” Celestia gently rested a hoof on the shy mare’s shoulder.
“No, I’ve said too much, Princess, and it - it isn’t anything important anyway,” she said without much conviction. “You have so many other important things to worry about.”
“They can wait for a moment. At the minute my sole concern is ensuring that you are happy and that the burdens you are carrying are not so heavy as they were before.”
Their eyes met once again, still searching for the answers they needed so desperately. The cool north wind picked up, blowing their manes about. Celestia’s ethereal green, blue and pink mane flowed much more rapidly than usual, but retained its usual neat form, while Fluttershy’s was tossed about in the breeze and became messy. She was conscious of this, among other things, but silenced all the thoughts that ran through her mind except for the one that mattered.
“I just - I just wonder sometimes how you manage to do it,” she voiced. “How you’re always so calm even at the most stressful times.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. This was not what she was expecting. Quite the opposite, actually. But she had to answer the question now, and she had to be honest.
She looked out across the pond, at the reflection of the overcast sky above. “It is difficult to explain,” she told Fluttershy. “Much of the time in those high-stress situations, I feel just the same as everypony else and just try my hardest to act calm for the sake of those around me. In their minds, if the Princess of all ponies is worrying about something, then it is of noticeable concern. This is why I didn’t want to tell Twilight or anypony else about my sister’s return: if everypony knew, there would have been even greater panic than before and it could have been much more dangerous for everypony.”
Fluttershy looked up at Celestia. “S-So… you aren’t always so calm and relaxed as you seem?”
“No. But perhaps I am more accustomed to stressful situations, having faced so many more adversities in my life than the average pony would.”
“And - and when you are stressed - you just - don’t tell anypony about it?”
Celestia paused to think. It was the blatant truth that she didn’t speak about these things as often as she should. But she needed to give Fluttershy the correct advice, even if she didn’t follow it herself due to circumstances.
“I don’t at first,” was the best answer that came to mind. “As a princess, I have my royal duties that make it difficult to sit down and talk about anything that isn’t related to ruling Equestria. Sometimes by the time I find somepony to talk to about a concern it has already been resolved. But I would always suggest speaking to somepony who you trust.”
“So, my friends?”
“Friends, family, anypony who you think is willing and able to help.”
It wasn’t the answer that Fluttershy had been hoping for. Then again, she had been told time and again that there was no definite cure for her anxiety.
Another question arose in her mind. “But Princess, who do you speak to about-” She stopped and lifted a hoof to her mouth. She hadn’t meant to say that out loud and was now regretting it. “Sorry, Princess…”
“It is natural to be curious,” Celestia said. “I won’t punish you for it because I know you meant no harm.”
Fluttershy nodded. “Thank you.”
“As for the answer to your question… I am surrounded by royal advisers and I have a few friends who I can trust.”
“And Princess Luna.”
“Yes,” Celestia forced herself to say. Little did Fluttershy know that Luna was one of the causes of Celestia’s worries. She knew that the Nightmare still lurked somewhere inside Luna, that it would take more than what she had been doing already to repair their relationship as sisters.
There were too many things that had been left unsaid. And Celestia recognised that both she and her sister were lost in different ways.
Celestia’s glanced around the garden once again, finding the three flowers that were most symbolic to her. Roses, lavenders and snowdrops. Celestia was the rose, the beautiful but flawed rose. Luna was the lavender, equally as beautiful but seen as less than the rose. The snowdrops were those few ponies who had shattered that social barrier, those individuals who had treated the Royal Sisters as friends or even family.
These snowdrops were essential to life as a princess. They were there through thick and thin, their support never wavering. They were there even when there were no blood relatives to turn to, and made everything that much more bearable.
Twilight Sparkle was a snowdrop, that much Celestia knew. Fluttershy, and the other Element Bearers? Really, they were Twilight’s friends, but any friend of Twilight’s was a friend of hers.
But Luna didn’t have any snowdrops in her life. Not any more, she didn’t. The last few close friends she had were long gone, and really that was Celestia’s fault. At the time, she had seen good reason to do so. But without those friends in her life, Luna truly was lost, and Celestia knew deep down that it would take more than a simple apology to fix this.
Now the question was, how to show Luna that she still cared? What would be the best way to show her kindness? And not just the simple, meaningless politeness that she had to use in public. True kindness, from her heart.
Kindness…
Everything happens for a reason, so they say, the Princess thought to herself.
“Fluttershy?” she asked aloud.
“Yes, Princess?”
“How would you apologise to somepony for hurting their feelings?”
“Oh. I’d try to find a time when they aren’t so busy and ask if I could talk to them. Once they’re listening, um, I would just say sorry for whatever I did and ask if they would forgive me.” She added, “And I would also ask if there was anything I could do to make up for it.”
Celestia smiled. “Thank you.”
Fluttershy didn’t need to ask who it was that Celestia wanted to apologise to: she was more than happy enough to see that her advice had made a small amount of difference to somepony. And Celestia was grateful that although she still had a long way to go, she finally had a starting point and a direction.
Neither of them said when they were ready to return to the castle; the just seemed to know that the time had come for them to leave the garden. Celestia led Fluttershy back through several beautiful gardens, past the statue of Discord and many others who looked on as they walked in silence. Eventually the castle towered above them and one of the many entrances stood before them. Here, the five other Element Bearers were waiting anxiously, and relief showed on their faces as they watched Celestia and Fluttershy trot towards them.
And standing with them, Celestia noticed, was Luna.
Fluttershy was engulfed in a sea of hugs from her friends and smiled as she realised that she didn’t need to worry. They would be there for her through the good times and the bad, no matter what life threw at them. Come rain, shine, evil power-hungry alicorn - fine, she was hoping that they would never have to deal with that again - they would stick together, as a team. And when she was lost, she knew they would always help her find her way back home.
Celestia and Luna shared a smile and a chuckle as they watched the six little ponies together. They still had some way to go, but with time and a little bit of effort, things would change. One step in the right direction, one step at a time, was all it would take.
The sun shone a little more brightly above and the changeable north wind grew calm as the group trotted inside.
The End.
Author's Note
Hello, everypony! This little story was written as a Jinglemas gift for Captain Neckbeard and of course for my readers and friends here on Fimfiction.
Writing this was, as far as stories go, quite a challenge, mainly because life gives me lemons sometimes. I was also in a downward spiral with writer’s block. Since I didn’t know what to write with one of my other stories, I became frustrated with myself and didn’t want to write, so I was basically preventing myself from thinking of any good story ideas. Not something that I want to do again if I can help it. :twilightsheepish: https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsheepish.png
What actually helped me in the end was a bit of poetry from Coleridge and Wordsworth. A few members of my family were watching a TV programme about them and I was half-listening to it. And then… I had an epiphany. Dangerous things, they are. They encourage all kinds of strange thinking in writers especially.
I didn’t have any inspiration for new ideas, but... It felt like confirmation that the ideas I already had were worth using. My intuition told me that I was doing the right thing, that I was heading in the right direction, and the story just came together after that.
I don’t know as it’s the best thing I’ve written, but I’m not very good at judging my own work. :twilightblush: https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightblush.png So, as always, any feedback is appreciated. :pinkiesmile: https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiesmile.png
Thank you to all of my regular readers and followers for your ongoing support, and thank you to any new ponies for reading this story to the end.
A special thank-you to Shakespearicles (https://www.fimfiction.net/user/83757/Shakespearicles), the wonderful pony who organises Jinglemas each year to allow us to spread that little bit of extra cheer across the website in the festive season.
Happy Hearth’s Warming to you all,
~ Angel :heart: https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/heart.png