Twilight Sparkle Plays Call of Duty
An estimated one thousand five hundred years away from Earth, somewhere within the horsehead Nebula on the planet Equus, the towering physique of Princess Twilight Sparkle the mighty alicorn was sat down upon her plump, pony backside upon a soft leather black couch. The sheer weight of her tremendous backside created an imprint of her butt on the couch. Held in her magical grasp was her white XPone Controller.
Across from her lay a huge plasma screen TV. Twilight simply wanted to relax. She heard a lot of sad stories about the plight of humanity. She had every intention to help them survive in their cruel world. Earth seemed to have many friendship problems and needed a big fat pony butt like hers to make it better.
From what she could gather the only intelligent life forms in the entire Milky Way galaxy were located on Earth. Everything else was radio silence. Twilight had sent a colony ship to make personal contact with this alien species. A forward extension of her consciousness was on board this ship. The humans were apparently suffering an upcoming environmental collapse, and Twilight promised that she would come to help them in their time of need. However, for the next thousand years, she wanted to play video games to get to know them better.
Twilight Sparkle decided to play a most patriotic game known as Call of Duty. However, when Twilight Sparkle joined the lobby of the game she was bombarded with profanity and insults.
“Looky here fellas, some fat faggot horse joined!” spoke some hillbilly,
“Hey! I lost weight recently!” she exclaimed, looking back at her plump, bubbly backside for a brief moment, before turning her attention back to the game.
Everyone in the lobby simply laughed and threw more insults at her. “Fucking gay faggot pony coming onto our game! Just going to talk about friendship and other bullshit while owning us!” came some young Irish boy’s voice.
“Young colt, do you not have any manners? That’s not how you speak to a lady,” Twilight spoke sternly as if she was his mother. Twilight smiled upon hearing his mother yelling at him and telling him to get off the game for insulting her.
Unfortunately, some other asshole decided to insult her with a deep voice changer over his microphone. “Yeah well! Fuck you, Twilight Sparkle! I’ll fuck your mother!”
Twilight gasped in shock. “That’s not very nice! My mother died one thousand years ago.”
“I can't wait to teabag you in this game!” he simply said.
The moment the game started Twilight Sparkle left the garage with her teammates in some generic Middle Eastern City. Her teammate seemed to move in slow motion as Twilight raced ahead of her team with a heavy sniper rifle. Her character was literally Twilight Sparkle holding a sniper rifle. This digital avatar of herself was only about 4 feet tall and was nowhere near as big and thick as she was outside of the game.
Twilight proceeded to go on a rampage through the enemy team, getting headshots, and calling in multiple airstrikes. Her team more or less sat back in spawn, and let Twilight do the work. Twilight was a true pro gamer far beyond that of a mere mortal human.
Twilight smiled when she heard the human players on her team give her encouragement, such as ‘Wooo! Way to go, Twilight! You showing them assholes where their mouth is!’, ‘Ponies are superior!’, ‘When you get to Earth, can we hook up?’
Each human player she killed on the other team shouted profanity at her and cursed her name.
“Aaaaaahhhhh! Cyka blyat! Stop simping for her you faggots! You are only encouraging her! You won’t get any pony pussy!” said some Russian guy.
“Actually they can. I like to clone myself so I can have sex with multiple people at once.”
Suddenly, all the humans in the lobby, even those on the enemy team began to simp for her. They showered her with praise. The few humans that continued to insult Twilight Sparkle were drowned out by a legion of white knights defending the fair maiden. Subsequently, they were soon kicked from the lobby.
“See?” Twilight said with her large purple eyes sparkling, along with tears of joy falling down her cheeks.”The magic of friendship is in nearly all of you. Unfortunately, I won't be able to see any of you. It will take me at least another thousand years to reach Earth. But do you mind if I resurrect you, and bring you back to life so you can meet me?”
Everyone in the lobby shouted ‘Yes!’ Twilight blushed profusely, She was getting many human boyfriends in the future.
Twilight decided to check her Twitter feed on her pone-phone and found that she was being insulted by angry, jealous women. Who said things like ‘Stop stealing our men!!’, ‘You whorse!’, ‘All the men who love you are incel virgins!’
And even threw several insults her way, such as; ‘You are fat and ugly!’, ‘Fat ugly nerd!’, or ‘No human will ever love you’, among others.
Twilight was moved to tears from their insults. She closed down Twitter to get away from it, and with a flash from her horn, Twilight summoned a huge bucket of extra fattening, creamy cookie ice cream upon her lap. She conjured a large silver spoon into her right hoof, and then she began to dig into the ice cream and eat it while wailing in grief.
“Mmmm!” she moaned, swallowing down the ice cream. “I’ll show you! I’m a pretty pony! I’m not fat! Some human will love me!” she wailed in grief.
With tears in her eyes she looked over very is porno magazines lying next to her on the couch. She could see Nicolas Cage in various handsome poses as he displayed his massive cock. “One day, Nicolas Cage. We will meet and be together,” she said in a low voice.
She then turned her head to look behind her to see a poster of Mel Gibson in his mighty Braveheart form. He was dressed as a Scottish Barbarian and wielded a mighty claymore. “One day, Mel Gibson. We will meet and be together.”
Twilight shut down the XPone with a flash from her horn and grabbed her Commander Shepard plushie. She hugged the plushie, wishing it was the real Commander Shepard. She pulled the string attached to the back of his head and he spoke in a manly voice. “I'm Commander Shepard and you have my favourite butt on the Citadel!
