Understudy

by DrakeyC

Rating: everyone
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Cloudy Quartz, Pinkie Pie, Igneous Rock, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pie Sisters, Comedy
Length: 6450

The Pie Family partakes in a Hearth's Warming play

When the Pie family visits Maud for the holidays, their holiday plans are interrupted by a panicking Starlight Glimmer who finds her friends meant to put on the yearly Heart's Carol performance for the School of Friendship.

With only Pinkie spared, Starlight needs five new actors. Pinkie happens to have five family members visiting. It's perfect!...hopefully.

Written for TCC56 for Jinglemas 2021

Published 2021-12-25 14:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-25 14:30:01 UTC

Chapter 1

A long red carpet sprang out from seemingly nowhere and rolled out over the thin layer of snow on the forest floor. When it reached the end, Pinkie Pie jumped out of it to the side, pulled a trumpet out of her mane, and blew a short fanfare. She then looked expectantly at the other end of the carpet.

Standing by the stairs into her cave, dressed in a red suit with white trim, Maud cleared her throat. “Welcome to Maud’s Hearth’s Warming Eve Spectacular Celebration Extravaganza,” she droned. “Prepare yourselves for a week of family fun and festivities unlike anything you could ever imagine.”

“Hooray!” Pinkie let out a burst of confetti and began to raise her trumpet to her lips again, when a hoof shoved into her mouth and stopped her.

“Don’t you dare,” Limestone said with a glare. She withdrew her hoof and trotted down the carpet towards the cave, followed closely by Marble.

“Pinkamena, wouldst thou give me a hoof?” Igneous Rock gestured to a large sack on a cart behind him.

“Ooo, what’s in here?” Pinkie scrambled over the sack, eyeing it and putting her ear against it. “Presents? Food? Grandpa Granite?”

“Rocks.”

“Even better!” Pinkie slung the sack onto her back and immediately gasped and slumped as the weight bore down on her. “That’s a lot of rocks!” she wheezed.

“Indeed.” Igneous held up a hoof. “We brought them from the farm, so as to give Maudileena a reminder of home.”

“Are you sure you have that by yourself, dear?” Cloudy Quartz asked, looking Pinkie over as she slowly walked by. “We could help you.”

“No...I got it...fine…” Pinkie groaned out, her tongue rolling out of her mouth.

The three made their way down the carpet and Igneous and Quartz descended the stairs. Maud effortlessly lifted the sack of rocks from Pinkie’s back and followed them. Pinkie pulled the carpet up, rolled it up, and trotted down. A wooden hatch was pulled down and clicked into place behind her.

Maud’s cave had been prepared for the holiday. Strings of lights hung from the ceiling, most of them carefully positioned to make sure they reflected off of nearby gemstones, giving the walls and ceiling a colorful glow. Heat came from several glowing rocks gathered in crates of sand around the edges of the main room, keeping the chill away. A decorated tree stood on the ground below the main room, a pit dug out around its base and filled with soil. The waterfall had frozen over and had planks of wood put in place to allow safe travel across its flows, and the lake had a shelf with sets of skates waiting for use.

Igneous looked around and nodded. “Thou hast made a prosperous choice in dwelling, Maudileena. We approve.”

“Thank you, dad.” Maud nodded. “I like it, too. And thank you for the cavewarming gift.” She untied the sack and lifted out several large rocks, lustrous silver with streaks of brown.

Cloudy smiled at her as she inspected the gift. “We chose your favourite.”

“A pyroxenite blend of augite and bronzite, with hints of enstatite and diopside.” Maud lifted one of them and peered closer at it. “They’re perfect. Thank you.”

“This place is freezing.” Limestone grabbed a blanket off the back of the sofa and wrapped it around herself. “How do you stand it here?” She looked at Marble sitting next to her, idly examining one of the heating rocks behind them.

Maud glanced at her. “It’s only this cold in winter.”

“Yeah, so how do you keep warm?”

“I use a blanket.”

Limestone rolled her eyes and said nothing more. Marble gave a small giggle and sat back onto the cushions.

Cloudy looked around the cave. “Maud, is that young stallion who was courting you going to be attending? We’ve yet to meet him and approve of this relationship you’re in.”

Maud set one of her new rocks into place by the stairs leading into the cave. “No, Mudbriar won’t be coming. He doesn’t recognize Hearth’s Warming Eve. He considers it a celebration of systemic stick abuse.” She gestured her hoof to the tree. “I must admit, he makes compelling arguments.”

Pinkie jumped onto the sofa between Marble and Limestone and unrolled a long scroll across the floor. “Now, I have a loooong list of family activities to do over the next week. One, welcome you all to Maud’s home – check!” She pulled out a pencil and crossed off the entry. “Two, show you all around the cave.”

“What do you mean ‘show us around the cave’?” Limestone asked. “It’s a cave, we can see it all from here.”

“Check! Phew, we are flying through these! Better leave something for tomorrow. Let’s see...three, ensure nothing interrupts precious family bonding time.”

There was a loud thud as the hatch above the stairs was flung open. “Pinkie!”

Pinkie groaned and furled up the scroll. “I shoulda quit when I was ahead.” She threw the scroll over her shoulder to bounce along the ground.

Starlight rushed down the stairs and stopped in front of Pinkie. “You’re not sick, are you?”

“Uh, no.”

“Good, good!” Starlight gave a nervous laugh, her left eye twitching. “Okay, one out of six isn’t zero. Great, just great…”

“What’s wrong?” Maud asked.

“I’m supposed to direct the school pageant tonight. Usually Twilight and her friends play the parts – well, just her friends and Spike now, since she’s off being ruler of Equestria. But somehow all of them are telling me they’re sick!” Starlight groaned. “Spike said they were all over at Rarity’s yesterday helping her with some holiday dresses.”

“Yup, that explains it.” Pinkie nodded. “I couldn’t go, I was helping Maud get ready for our family to come in.”

“Well, that’s something…I don’t suppose you can play all six parts, can you?” Starlight gave Pinkie a hopeful look.

Pinkie sputtered and waved a hoof in the air. “I can’t be in two places at once, silly!”

“Yeah, right…” Starlight groaned. “What am I going to do?”

Cloudy approached her. “Pardon me, dear, exactly what do you need?”

“Actors.” Starlight shook her head. “The only ponies I know who could help me are Pinkie, Maud, and Trixie. But you two are with your family, and I am not going to be the director of any play where Trixie takes the stage. But the students are all either too young or not ponies so they wouldn’t know the story of Hearth’s Warming well enough to perform.”

“Ah, you have been speaking of the Heart’s Carol.” Igneous raised his head. “Tis indeed a glorious celebration of Equestria’s heritage and founding.”

Starlight stared at him. “You know the story of Hearth’s Warming Eve?”

Cloudy gave a warm smile. “Of course we do.”

“We would shame ourselves if we did not.” Igneous shook his head. “Tradition is of the utmost importance to the Pie family! How could we call ourselves proper Equestrians in good faith if we were ignorant of the circumstances of our founding?”

Limestone shuffled under her blanket. “Dad insists on reading us the Heart’s Carol every Hearth’s Warming.”

“Mm-hm,” Marble chimed.

“So, you all know the story from memory?”

The Pies nodded.

Starlight scanned the group and counted under her breath. “Five...six...there’s six of you…” Her mouth slowly split in a large grin, her eyes going wide. “Pinkie, are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“I think so, Starlight, but how would a rock that big even fit into the oven?”

“...I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that and move on.”

Sunburst peeked out the curtains at the amphitheatre and gave a low whistle. He pulled back and stepped into the wings of the stage. “The seats are almost filled. Seems like most of the student body is attending.”

“Great.” Starlight nodded but didn’t seem to actually have heard him; she was busy looking around the costume racks at the six new cast members.

Igneous adjusted the hood of his pale brown cloak and looked himself over. “I approve of the tailor that oversaw the creation of these costumes. Clover the Clever’s attire is of a suitably dull and drab design.”

“That’d be Rarity, and I’ll tell her you like it.” Starlight looked to the side where Cloudy was pinning a purple cape with a wide trim into place around her neck. “Thank you so much for agreeing to help. You don’t know how much stress you’ve saved me.”

“Of course.” Igneous gave a stern nod. “I have heard thy school’s students come to Equestria to study friendship. It is practically our duty to portray the circumstances of our founding accurately.”

“Indeed.” Cloudy lifted a crown onto her head and turned to a mirror. She wiggled her body around to see the dress and cape she had on shuffle over her. “I’m not used to such finery, but I confess, I’m getting a bit nostalgic.” She smiled and looked around the area. “It’s been so long since I’ve been on the stage.”

Starlight was taken aback. “You act?”

“I used to, in my youth. I was in all the school plays, took part in some community productions.”

Igneous spoke up, “I recall thy performance as Princess Amore in The Tragedy of Hope. Thou were truly a thespian of remarkable skill. No mare in all the school could command a stage such as thee.”

Cloudy blushed and waved a hoof. “I was not that good. But thank you.”

“How come you stopped?” Starlight asked.

“In my senior year, it was time to be chosen by the Pairing Stone. It foresaw that Igneous and I would be a perfect match, and after a few days together, I knew it was right. We were betrothed and I moved to the farm to help him and accommodate myself to life.” She rocked her head and thought. “Truth to be, at the time I thought about auditioning for a Bridleway show or two. But if they got picked up for a tour, that would take me away from the farm for far too long. I had to choose between love and career. I have no regrets over my decision, but…you know.” She gave a small sigh. “As so many do, I sometimes ponder the road not travelled.”

Starlight smiled. “Well, consider this one last show. A chance to reclaim the glory, you know?”

“Perhaps it is.” Cloudy turned back to the mirror and stood up a bit straight. “I am rather fond of the costume…”

Starlight nodded and walked to the back of the curtain. A series of ropes and pulleys had been put in place to lower ponies from the rafters to give the illusion of flying pegasi. Limestone and Marble were getting into costume, harnesses over their torsos to connect to the pulleys.

“How are you two doing?” Starlight asked.

Limestone grunted as she popped her head through a suit of dark grey and gold armor with a thunderbolt on the collar. “This costume is too tight. And it’s heavy. Isn’t there something else I can wear?”

“Sorry, Commander Hurricane wore traditional pegasi armor, so that’s the costume. There should be straps to loosen it, but I can’t do anything about the weight. ” She stepped closer and used her magic to adjust some strips of cloth between the collar and the body. “Did that help?”

“Not really.” Limestone lifted a helmet with a grey and black plume. Her nose wrinkled and she sniffed the inside. “This whole get-up smells like cheap body spray and vanilla shampoo.”

“That would be Rainbow Dash.”

“...Figures.” Limestone tried to put the helmet on; it stuck part of the way down. She huffed and pulled it off. “Does the helmet have straps?”

“No.”

“Darn.”

Starlight turned her attention to Marble. “Everything okay with you?”

Marble nodded. “Mm-hm.” The earth pony was wearing a pale grey and silver suit of armor with a skirt trailing over her flank.

Limestone looked at her and scowled. “Why does Private Pansy’s armor look so much nicer than Hurricane’s?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t dictate pegasi fashion in ancient times.” Starlight rolled her eyes. “Do you need anything else?”

“A stunt double,” Limestone grumbled.

Starlight ignored her and walked towards the other end of the stage.

Limestone examined her helmet and glared at it. “I can’t wear this thing, it’s not gonna fit.” She glanced at Marble as she put on her own helmet – a wide, circular covering with an upturned trim. “Lemme see that.” She held out a hoof and waited as Marble passed the costume piece to her. Limestone slipped it over her head and smirked.

“Oh yeah, this is way better. And smells nicer, too” She looked down at her own helmet. “You’ve got a smaller body, this might fight you fine…”

Limestone paused and slowly raised her eyes to Marble.

Marble’s eyes widened and she backed away.

“I’d imagine you two are doing just fine, right?” Starlight looked between Maud and Pinkie.

“Absolutely!” Pinkie grinned widely and did a twirl. She was wearing a brown and yellow outfit with a large white ruffle around her neck and a massive hat with a brown bubble in a cake pan on top. “It’s just like old times! Eeeee!”

“Maud, you okay?” Starlight turned to her.

Maud looked herself over. She was wearing a brown top with puffed orange shoulders and a white collar, and a matching brown hat. “I’m not used to dressing up like this. But, if it’s to help a friend, I’ll do it.”

“Thank you.” Starlight hugged her. “Pinkie, you’re sure your family can handle this?”

Pinkie sputtered and waved a hoof. “It’ll be a snap! Mom and Dad will be fine in their roles, and Limestone’s already grumpy and Marble’s already quiet, so they barely need to get into character.”

“And you really don’t think you guys need more time to look over the script?”

“I told you, we all know the Heart’s Carol like the back of our hooves!” Pinkie held up a hoof and did a double take. “Hey!” She reached to the back of her hoof and pulled off a bright blue lollipop. “How long has that been there?” She shrugged and popped the candy into her mouth. “Lih I wam fayin, ve go dis!”

“Good, good.” Starlight took a breath and smiled. “Thank you so very, very much. You’ve no idea how much stress you saved me.”

“Starlight?” She looked behind her. Sunburst, clad in a brown coat with a striped hat and fake beard, gestured a hoof to the curtain. “It’s almost time.”

“Right. Good luck, everypony!” She trotted to follow Sunburst, giving a way to the Pies as she passed.

The students of the School of Friendship grew silent as the magical crystals lighting the area dimmed. The curtains of the stage rose, revealing a painted backdrop of hills covered in snow with a blizzard rushing about them.

Sunburst stepped out from the wings and approached a podium with a microphone a few hooves away. He gently cleared his throat and looked down at his script on the podium.

“Long ago, before the rule of Celestia and Luna and the founding of Equestria, the three pony tribes lived separate from one another. It was a dark time in history, when ponies cared only for themselves and not one another. The three tribes were forced to rely on each other to live, but there was no trust or friendship between them. Even less between their representatives that spoke on their behalf. The earth pony representative was…”

Sunburst looked onto the stage and waited. A spotlight pointed on one side of the stage.

Pinkie Pie bounced onto the stage on her tail, rolled onto her hooves, and gave a stern stare at the crowd. “I am Chancellor Puddinghead, ruler of the earth ponies! We’ve been told we have to grow all the food and share it with those snooty unicorns and air-headed pegasi!” She instantly broke into a grin and giggled. “Hey, I still remember my lines from last year!”

The crowd gave a light chuckle. Sunburst gave a light groan.

Maud slowly walked on-stage behind Pinkie. “I am the chancellor’s right-hoof mare, Smart Cookie. The chancellor trusts me to help her with her affairs and keep things orderly.”

“Good luck with that one!” someone in the crowd called. Maud turned her head and saw Pinkie slurping on a red lollipop she had found somewhere.

At his podium, Sunburst took a breath. “The unicorns were represented by…”

Another spotlight pointed to the opposite side of the stage. There was a loud gasp and a light breeze as Cloudy Quartz swirled onto the stage, her purple cloak flaring around her. She stopped and put a hoof against her forehead, her eyes wide and brimming with unspilled tears.

“The daughter of unicorn royalty, Princess Platinum! It is under my father’s reign that we unicorns raise and lower the sun and moon to preserve the cycle of the day! Though you may think such a royal life ought to be one of luxury and comfort, I despair, for my subjects live in eternal fear of what the next day will bring, uncertain of the morrow! Woe be that I can do naught to alleviate their fears, but put my hopes in the other tribes, that they show compassion and ease my burden!”

Sunburst adjusted his glasses and flipped through his script. “Maybe I turned over two pages at once…” he mumbled.

Igneous Rock stepped up beside Cloudy. “And yay, I be the princess’s faithful aide, who is called Clover the Clever. It be mine duty to offer the princess wisdom and insight in times of duress.”

“Great job so far!”

Igneous and Sunburst both blinked and gave a small frown at the heckling. Igneous glanced at Cloudy, and she lowered her hoof and gave a small cough.

Sunburst continued reading from his script. “And finally there were the pegasi, ruled by…” He looked up at the rafters. A third spotlight lit up the top of the backdrop.

Marble Pie slowly lowered into view, wearing a suit of dark grey and gold armor with a small, plumed helmet.

On the other end of the stage, Starlight’s jaw dropped. “What is she doing?” she whispered. She looked over at Sunburst, who looked just as confused as she was. He caught her eye and shrugged.

Sunburst lifted his head and repeated his line. “And finally there were the pegasi, ruled by…”

Marble stared into space, eyes wide, her hooves hanging limp. Sunburst leaned closer into the microphone and cleared his throat; she didn’t show any reaction.

Next to her, clad in the gleaming silver armor of Private Pansy, Limestone was lowered into view. She grunted and took a breath. “I am Private Pansy, squire and attendant to the ruler of all pegasi…” She didn’t look at her sister but lifted a hoof to sharply nudge her in the side.

Marble yelped and snapped her head up. “I AM COMMANDER HURRICANE, THE SWIFTEST PONY IN HISTORY! MY PEGASI OVERSEE THE WEATHER FOR ALL THE LAND!” When she finished, she snapped her hooves over her mouth and squeaked.

Throughout her bellowing declaration, Limestone held her hooves over her ears and grimaced.

“Okay…” Sunburst rubbed his ears and winced. “At least projection isn’t going to be a problem…” He sighed and went back to the script. “Though the three rulers did not get along, they regularly came together to ensure the other tribes were seeing to their duties. Alas, they never went very well. One year, the winter seemed to last longer than it should have, and the arguments were worse than usual.”

Pinkie and Maud, and Cloud and Igneous, walked closer to the center of the stage, and Marble and Limestone were lowered further down.

Cloudy vigorously shuddered and thrust a hoof at Pinkie, giving her a fierce glare. “Earth ponies hoard all of their food for themselves, caring nothing for the suffering of others! How can you be so cruel and heartless? The whole of you are a cowardly, selfish lot, and you, Chancellor, are the worst of all!”

Pinkie’s jaw dropped and her eyes watered. “Mom!”

Cloudy slightly lowered her hoof and tilted her head.

Pinkie shook her head. “Oh, right. I mean…” she glared back. “We have to hoard our food! With the winter coming earlier every year, we can’t grow as much as we used to! It’s not our fault the weather is bad, blame the pegasi!” She gestured above her and raised her head.

Marble shook in her harness and looked away from her sister.

Limestone mumbled under her breath, and then projected her voice to the crowd. “Commander Hurricane is insulted that you would even suggest such a thing. He can barely contain his anger.” She lifted a hind hoof and gently spurred Marble.

“THE PEGASI ARE DUTIFUL AND HONORABLE!” Marble roared. “WE WOULD NEVER STOOP TO SUCH DECEIT! IT MUST BE THE MAGIC OF THE UNICORNS!”

Limestone gestured a hoof to Marble. “See, he’s furious,” she deadpanned.

The crowd laughed heartily.

“How dare you!” Cloudy’s eyes rolled back and she swooned; Igneous stepped to the side to catch her before she hit the stage. Cloudy thrust a hoof in the air. “It pains me that you even think us capable of such foul manipulations. Though we have our differences, we are all ponies at heart! It speaks more to your own selves to make such accusations, that you would so quickly assume others are scheming and greedy. We unicorns are altruistic and selfless, alas that the earth ponies and pegasi are not so inclined.” She shook in Igneous’ hooves and gave an exaggerated sniff of her nose.

“Even with snow blanketing the land, the tribes could not agree on what to do. They each went home to decide for themselves.”

The three pairs of ponies on-stage moved apart. Two of the spotlights turned off, leaving only Limestone and Marble illuminated.

“Oh, Commander Hurricane,” Limestone droned, “it seems the winter snow will never cease, and the other tribes will not listen to reason. What are we to do?” She glared at Marble.

“IT IS CLEAR WE CANNOT RELY ON THE OTHER TRIBES TO HELP US, PRIVATE PANSY! WE MUST HELP OURSELVES!” Marble inhaled deeply when she finished.

Limestone nodded. “I agree, Commander. But how do we do that?”

“WE CANNOT LIVE HERE ANYMORE! OUR ONLY HOPE IS TO FIND A NEW LAND CLEAR OF SNOW, WHERE WE CAN BE SAFE AND WARM AGAIN!” Marble exhaled and coughed.

Limestone ignored her. “Good idea. Let’s go search for a new land to call home!”

Their light turned off, and another came on over Pinkie and Maud.

Pinkie began pacing back and forth as Maud sat in place. “I tell you, Maud – I mean, Smart Cookie – those other ponies are so mean! How can they think we’d hog all the food for ourselves! I mean, I share all the time!”

Maud slowly nodded. “I know, Chancellor Puddinghead. But we may have no choice but to work with them. Our food supplies are almost out, and we will starve soon.”

“What?” Pinkie stopped and her jaw dropped. “We’re all out of food? Even the reserves behind the china cabinet?”

“Even the reserves behind the china cabinet.”

“Aw, nuts.” Pinkie rubbed her chin and thought. “Then it’s time for Plan B!” She reached under her hat and withdrew a scroll. She unfurled it and read. “Plan B – evacuate the tribe to somewhere warmer. Makes sense to me. It doesn’t snow in warm weather, right?”

Another roar of laughter from the crowd. Starlight slapped a hoof to her head and gave Sunburst a pointed look across the stage; he looked back and shrugged.

Maud continued the scene once the crowd fell silent. “No, it does not snow in warm weather.”

“Then it’s settled! We must find a new land!”

The spotlight turned off and the third illuminated on Cloudy and Igneous.

“Alas, it seems the other tribes will not aid us, Princess Platinum,” Igneous recited.

“I know! I can’t believe them!” Cloud scoffed and tossed her head. “The scandal, the impudence! They would leave us to suffer in the cold and darkness while they sit in their ivory thrones on high gorging themselves on sweets. I say, no longer! The other tribes are unruly and overseen by unfit rulers!”

Igneous nodded. “If things are as you say, what can we do to save our ponies?”

“We will do the only thing we can – search for a place where there is no snow, where we can be free and independent!” Cloudy flung her cloak out and thrust a hoof forward. “We must strike out and find a new land to call our own!”

“So it was that the six of them went on a great expedition.”

The crowd softly applauded as the curtain closed. When they came together, stagehands emerged from the wings and began to wheel away the backdrop, revealing a new background of a dark cave with a blizzard outside.

Starlight charged onto the stage. She passed Pinkie and Maud and seized them in her magic, bringing them with her. She stopped in front of Cloud and Igneous and dropped the sisters on the ground.

“What was that?” Starlight cried. “Rarity has done subtler performances, and I don’t mean the play!”

Cloudy fanned a hoof in front of her face and nodded. “I am inclined to agree. I think perhaps I got a little carried away with the role. I always imagined the tribe leaders to be exhausted and pained by the stresses of leadership. I simply wanted to express that inner conflict.”

“Mayhap, thou were mistaken,” Igneous said. “Princess Platinum was belligerent and arrogant, as all the tribe leaders were. That was the point of the story. Yet thou are portraying her as a tragic and sympathetic character.” He pressed a hoof to his chest and bowed his head. “I feared I might burst into tears at a moment from the emotion of thy performance.”

“Yes, they were arrogant, but surely they had softer sides if they saw reason in the end. And of course I’m sympathetic. If the audience is not emotionally invested in the character, they won’t care what happens to them.”

“Well, maybe try and tone it down, ‘kay?” Starlight looked at Pinkie. “And stop improvising jokes!”

“What are you talking about?” Pinkie held up her hooves. “I’m saying the same lines I did last year.”

“They were improvised then, too. I also told you not to do them next year!”

“Okay, I won’t do them next year.” Pinkie grinned widely.

Starlight grunted. “Just stick to the script, please!”

“I think her jokes were hilarious.”

“Thanks, Maud!”

“Not helping!”

As the previous backdrop finished being removed, Starlight ran to the center of the stage and craned her head up. Limestone and Marble were being lowered to the ground; Marble waited patiently and Limestone was already trying to unhook herself. Starlight glared at her.

“Why did you switch roles?”

“Marble’s costume is more comfortable!” Limestone snapped. “You want me to hang here like a piñata and spout these dull old lines, fine, but not if my head feels like it’s in a vice!”

“Marble can’t play Commander Hurricane, she’s too meek and quiet! Er, no offense, but you know I’m right!”

“Mm-hm.” Marble quickly nodded her head.

“Well we can’t switch back now, the audience will get confused.”

“I know, I know…” Starlight watched the two touch down in front of her and unclasped the ropes from their costumes. She then took a breath and tried to calm herself. “Marble, we can’t have Limestone kicking you or glaring at you every time it’s your cue! Please?”

“I…” Marble swallowed heavily. “I don’t like shouting, or screaming, or being noisy, or being angry, or–”

“You’re not, you’re just playing the part of somepony who is. Acting, right? And trust me, nopony will get upset, it’s what’s expected of the role. So just get into character and say your lines and this’ll be over quicker and easier.”

“Mmm…” Marble shrank back.

“Just try, okay?” Starlight pleaded. “You can at least try, can’t you?”

Marble looked up at her and gave a short nod. “Mm-hm.”

“Starlight!”

She looked down and saw Sunburst. “We’re back on!”

“Right!” Starlight floated off-stage and to the ground. She took another deep breath and groaned.

I’m only halfway through the show and I already regret this.

“By happenstance, the three leaders of the tribes came upon the same unexplored region of Equestria, and all three tried to lay claim to it. As they bickered, a blizzard came upon them, and with no other shelter in sight, they had no choice but to take refuge together…”

The curtain opened on the six ponies standing in pairs across the stage. Limestone stood in the center with Marble, turning her eyes back and forth. Pinkie busied herself with some piece of her costume that had come loose on her collar, and Maud sat in front of her, looking across the stage. Finally, Igneous pretended to read from a prop book as Cloudy paced behind him.

“What cruel trick has fate visited upon us?” Cloudy groaned. “Am I meant to die, cold and surrounded by enemies, in a dark cave in the middle of nowhere?”

“Be at peace, Princess,” Igneous said. “We have enough supplies to last two weeks. But we will need to ration the foodstuffs.”

“Two weeks of rationing?” Pinkie exclaimed. “And what do we do after that?”

“We wait for rescue,” Maud replied, “or we starve.”

Limestone opened her mouth, but didn’t get a chance to speak.

“COMMANDER HURRICANE DOES NOT ACCEPT THIS!” Marble yelled. She began to pull away when the other five ponies – and the audience – looked in her direction, but she stopped and stood up straighter. “WE SHALL WAIT FOR THE STORM TO CALM AND THEN RETURN HOME!”

Limestone turned her head. “And what if the storm doesn’t calm, Commander?”

“THEN…THEN…” Marble coughed into her hoof. “Um…I don’t know…”

Limestone slapped a hoof to her forehead. “Not a great plan.”

“You voted for him!” a heckler shouted. The crowd laughed loudly and Sunburst scanned to see who it was.

“Yay, but the Commander’s idea is sound,” Igneous spoke up. “We cannot wait here and pin hopes on rescue if we can save ourselves.”

Cloudy’s jaw dropped and she swept in front of him with a twirl of her cloak. “You’re taking her – er, his – side?” She scoffed. “The foul sting of betrayal! I have come to expect it among the nobility, but not from my own aide!”

“I speak only the facts.” Igneous kept his voice even. “If no rescue is to come, we condemn ourselves here.”

Limestone stepped forward. “Or, some of us can stay here and somepony else can go back and get help.”

“I think not!” Cloudy cried. “I will not allow you to abandon us under the pretext of procuring aid! Do you think I'm as foolish as to fall for such an obvious ploy?”

Igneous held up a hoof. “Now, hold a moment…”

“I didn’t mean it like that!” Limestone snapped. “I meant just one of us, it’ll be easier than flying in pairs. I’ll go, and–”

“WHAT?” Marble cut in, stepping up beside her. “YOU WOULD ABANDON YOUR COMMANDER HERE WITH THE ENEMY?”

“No!” Limestone grunted angrily. “I’m trying to save us!”

Pinkie smirked. “Look at you! Torn apart by treachery and deceit! Unicorns and pegasi can’t be trusted!” She put a hoof around Maud and pulled her closer. “Not like us earth ponies. We always stick together.”

“I think Pansy is right,” Maud said.

“What’d you call me?” Limestone snapped. She did a double take. “I mean, what?”

“Yeah, what?” Pinkie pulled back from Maud.

“Pegasi can fly, they could get back to civilized lands more easily than anypony else,” Maud explained. “And Commander Hurricane shouldn’t risk himself in the storm. Pansy should go.”

Igneous nodded. “Then we are in agreement.”

“I agreed to nothing!” Cloud said, marching across the stage. “I’m not going to trust my life to the filthy hooves of a pegasus!”

“DO NOT SPEAK SO OF COMMANDER HURRICANE’S SQUIRE!” Marble stepped in front of Limestone and glanced at her with a small smile. “I get why you talk like this, it’s kinda fun,” she whispered.

“I do not talk like that!” Limestone grated.

“Why, afraid of the truth?” Pinkie cut in.

Limestone couldn’t figure out who she was directing her comment to, but in a moment it didn’t matter. Cloudy, Marble, and Pinkie, closed in on the stage, talking over each other.

Sunburst let out a relieved breath and read his script. “As the three began to argue, the storm intensified, sending an icy chill through the cave. And suddenly…”

On the other end of the stage, Starlight lit her horn and concentrated. Magical shards of pale green crystal rose up around Cloudy, Marble, and Pinkie, moving slowly until they were covered hoof to head.

Igneous raised his head and gasped. “Look!” He pointed a hoof, and Limestone and Maud looked up.

From the rafters descended a swirl of magic that coalesced into three horse-like spectres with glowing eyes.

“What are they?” Limestone growled.

“Windigos,” Igneous said firmly. “My mentor, Star Swirl the Bearded, hath told me they are spirits of winter that feed off anger and hate!”

“Then…we did this?” Maud asked. “All this time, the storm was going on because the tribes hated each other.”

“You sound really torn up about it!”

Another bout of laughter from the audience,

“But, I do not hate thee,” Igneous said, stepping closer. “Thou art loyal and faithful retainers to thy lieges. Such conduct is deserving of respect, but not hate.”

“Thanks.” Maud nodded and approached him. “I respect and not-hate you, too.”

“Eeeh…” Limestone shrugged. “I don’t hate you guys, either. And if you work like me, then I guess I respect you too.”

The two closed the distance between them on the stage and embraced.

Sunburst gave a soft sigh and smiled, and then began to read. “United by their…not-hatred of each other, the three came together, and were suddenly surprised when a great flame emerged from between them.”

A plume of fire tinged with green light erupted from the stage and the three jumped back. The fire rose up into the air and dispelled the windigos, and formed the shape of a glowing heart.

“The three knew this warmth and light was a result of their newfound friendship, just as surely as the cold and darkness had been brought upon by their hatred. Through the night they kept the fire burning as they shared food, songs, and stories, each learning about the other tribes. Eventually the fire of friendship burned so greatly, it thawed out their frozen leaders.”

Sunburst continued to narrate as the magical ice covering Cloudy, Marble, and Pinkie, receded. They blinked, looked around, and approached their aides.

“The three realized the way to true peace and harmony was in happy co-existence, and understanding and embracing the things that unite us instead of the things that separate us. Together, they decided the new land they had found would be a place where all three pony tribes would live together. And they named it…”

The Pie family lined up and faced the audience. As one, they called out.

“Equestria!”

The crowd applauded and the curtain closed.

Starlight held her hooves to her head and groaned loudly. “That was a disaster!” She looked up as the Pies came off the stage.

“Truly?” Igneous asked. “I thought our show was of above-adequate quality.”

Starlight thrust a hoof at them. “Two of you overacted, two of you underacted, and there was also Pinkie Pie.”

“Hey, what about me?” Limestone said defensively. “I didn’t overact or underact!”

“No, you just acted the total opposite of how Private Pansy is supposed to.”

Cloudy rocked her head. “True, perhaps we were not the most accomplished thespians. But we enjoyed ourselves, and I think the audience did, as well.”

“I know…and I am grateful that you agreed to help me, but…” Starlight groaned again. “That could not have gone any worse unless one of you forgot their part.”

“Starlight?”

The Pies parted and turned. Sunburst stood on the stage with a young griffon, a dragon, and a hippogriff. “Some of the students wanted to talk to you about the performance,” Sunburst explained.

Starlight stepped between the Pies. “Let me guess, it was–”

“Fantastic!” The hippogriff cheered, thrusting his claws into the air. He flew up and circled the Pies. “You guys were hilarious! I’ve heard the story of Hearth’s Warming before, but never that funny!”

The dragon nodded. “Yeah. I mean, last year’s performance was totally lame. All this namby-pamby friendship stuff is boring. But this year you made it fun, and Commander Hurricane is the coolest!” He looked at Marble and grinned, causing the pony to shriek and back away. “You don’t even need to talk for yourself, but when you do, you don’t take backtalk and you put your minions in their place.”

“Her what?” Limestone’s jaw dropped.

“And you two.” The griffon pointed a claw at Igneous and Maud. “Perfect straight men to these two hams. If Princess Platinum and Chancellor Puddinghead were anything like this in ancient times, I dunno how Clover the Clever and Smart Cookie put up with them.”

“I hope you six come back for next year’s show,” the hippogriff said.

The Pies looked at each other.

“I wouldn’t mind,” Maud said.

Cloudy smiled. “It was quite an experience to relive my old days as a thespian.”

Igneous nodded. “I believe given more time to go over thy script, I could make this show much more historically accurate.”

“Sure, as long as I get a properly fitted costume to play Commander Hurricane,” Limestone said. She eyed Marble. “Unless you wanted to play him again?”

“Mm-hm,” Marble hummed and smiled.

“Well, it’s up to Starlight,” Pinkie reminded them.

The six looked at Starlight and waited.

Starlight threw up her hooves and headed off-stage. “Let’s discuss it over some hot cocoa and take it from there.”

Author's Note

When I got my prompt for a fic featuring the Pies, I wasn't quite sure what to do. I began with the idea of them visiting Maud for Christmas and she gets help throwing a party for them, but conversations with RTStephens led to me conceiving the play angle and it worked much better.