“Huh!” I scrambled to pull off my sleeping mask. “what?”
My slumber was interrupted by a frightful crash. What sort of disturbance was going on now? It was Hearth’s Warming Eve, for Celestia’s sake! I pulled off my sleeping mask in a hurry and made sure my mane was in the most beautiful, yet still slept in, look. Rarity couldn’t disappoint anypony by not looking her best.
I left my nightgown on. After all, I had been asleep. No need to disguise that. A few dabs of my powder puff and I was on the way. For some reason I was one of the last to arrive.
The great hall of Twilight’s castle. It still made me giddy she had her own castle, where there were a lot of ponies standing in a semicircle around nothing. Which was odd because there was supposed to be something.
The tree, the presents, the decorations — they were all gone! A large black spot stained the carpet from the chimney and the hallway towards the door was in atrocious condition.
“Oh my, what a mess,” I cried. The look was so shocking that I looked around for a chaise to faint on. Luckily I have stashed a few just in case. I pulled one close and laid on it so I didn’t faint on the floor.
“What happened? Where are the decorations? The gifts? What happened to all my hard work?!” I cried. I could feel my heart breaking.
“They’re gone!” Spike said.
“I can see that! But why?”
“Nopony knows. We all heard a crash and found it like this. It looks like it’s been stolen.” Spike’s little fist was clenched tight in front of his tiny chest. He looked so dramatic. It was a little silly for him to make such a fuss.
“Stolen?! By whom?!”
“We don’t know that either!,” Spike said, throwing his arms in the air for emphasis.
“A mystery you say. It sounds like I am required!” I jumped off the couch. After all, most knew how well I solved the last mystery. Ponies would look to me for answers. I couldn’t disappoint them.
But as I opened my eyes to receive the relieved looks from my adoring fans, I noticed no pony was looking at me at all. All their eyes were turned toward a tall purple unicorn.
“Tempest?” I cried in surprise. I had forgotten she was invited to our Hearth’s Warming celebration. I don’t know how I forgot. She was wearing a hideous Hearth’s Warming sweater. It was red with lights and ornaments. Twilight wanted her to get used to more ponies and feel included in our traditions by making that sweater herself. It looked like the others weren’t trusting her yet. But I knew better than to jump to conclusions like the ponies in front of me.
“Come, come now, friends,” I began in my crowd-commanding voice. No pony could resist it. “No need to blame Tempest. She’s reformed, so we should give her the benefit of the doubt.”
They weren’t looking at me at all. Why were they so convinced it was her? Apart from the obvious, being an ex-villain and all of course.
“Miss Shadow?” a small unicorn asked in a small squeaky voice. I couldn’t see who it was. “Could you find our Hearth’s Warming tree and presents?”
“What? What? What?” I couldn’t contain myself. “But I am going to determine the guilty party! Remember? I’m a great detective!”
The crowd turned on me with looks of confusion. “You are?” asked Berry Punch. She hardly looked the type that would remember something as important as that.
“Of course I am, darling. I solved the case of the framed Wonderbolt.”
“You did?” asked Roseluck. Did ponies remember nothing that was important?
“But Tempest is a real detective,” Lilly Valley argued. “She also is really good at finding things.”
“A… a real detective? Whatever do you mean?” As far I remembered, Tempest Shadow was the pony that hunted us down and foalnapped Twilight from us.
“That’s actually my job, Rarity,” Tempest clarified, stepping up and looking intimidating as usual. I wondered if she meant it or if it was just a habit. “I’m a detective in the Crystal Kingdom with my old friend from foalhood.”
“Oh. Of course you are, darling, I remember now.” I hadn’t. “But surely some extra assistance from an equally qualified detective would help solve it quicker?”
“Qualified?”
“Of course. As I said, I helped clear Rainbow Dash from false charges and have read all of Shadow Spade’s novels.”
“Shadow Spade novels?” Tempest’s tone held the familiar sense of doubt, but I knew my abilities. If there were any clues in any of the fabric, I would find it. And the hallway was carpeted.
“Yes, I understand that you might have more life experience, but do not discount those who have a natural talent.”
She cocked an eyebrow then snorted. How crass. I was just offering my assistance. To be treated like a foal and catered to… well Miss High and Mighty will understand soon enough. I’ll prove my merit.
“I shall begin my investigation as soon as I change into the most appropriate attire,” I explained. My companion rolled her eyes.
“I’ll just start then.” She turned away from me and started to trot to the scene of the crime.
“No no, you must wait, I don’t want to miss anything,” I cried. I couldn’t prove my abilities if she started without me.
“Is this one of those friendship lesson things?” Tempest asked curiously. She paused.
“Yes, of course. If a friend wants to help you mustn’t discount her. Just wait. I shall be quick.” I was about to leave when a hoof touched my shoulder. I nearly laid down on the chaise again but the pony began to talk before I could.
“You don’t have to investigate this,” Lyra Heartstrings said in a hushed voice. “I know who did this. The Grumpus.”
“The- the Grumpus!” I cried then was shushed by the accuser.
“Not so loud. We don’t want it to hear.”
I moved away from Lyra as if that would put further distance from her idea. I bumped into Tempest behind me. I froze. Then relaxed when she finally spoke.
“What’s the Grumpus?”
“Oh, you don’t know?” I felt a marvelous sense of satisfaction being more knowledgeable. This will prove my value to her. If not, my talents will surely be obvious. “The Grumpus is a horrid creature. They say he looks like a goat with wings. He wears a garish wool suit that’s red with white trim. What a combination for this season. There is nothing that clashes with the nice blue toned snow quite like red. Oh yes, the Grumpus. It’s said that he hates Hearth’s Warming. The whole Hearth’s Warming season! Don’t ask me why: No pony knows the reason. But he swoops down the chimney with his wings and steals all the decorations and gifts. Then he destroys them all with hateful glee.”
“And he’s been seen around here? Where does he live?” Tempest implored with her notebook out.
“He’s never been seen,” I clarified. As I said it her face dropped and that infernal eyebrow raised. “Well he’s been seen, but not around here. And he’s left a few homes ravaged. Or, umm, so I heard.”
I could feel my validity and usefulness breaking on that harsh look. Surely we should consider all the possibilities. It seemed narrow minded to discount something like the Grumpus, especially since this fit his modus operandi.
“Ok, let’s look at more known ponies first, or better yet, let’s begin questioning the witnesses. It seems to bring the best results.”
“Well, just wait. I still must change into the proper attire.” I flicked my perfectly adjusted “messy” mane and strode back to my room.
I knew how to change quickly. Especially in dire circumstances like these. I found my detective clothes and hat and quickly adjusted my mane to its pristine state. A few more pats from the puff and a quick reapplication of eyeshadow and I returned to the scene of the crime.
“20 minutes is quick?” my grumbling partner replied before I even crossed the threshold.
“Now, now, I shall more than make up for it with my assistance. Two heads are better than one. And if this is, indeed, the Grumpus, I know the signs of his influence.” The glare I received was hardly called for.
“Fine, let’s just start questioning the witnesses—”
“No, we should start with the physical evidence.” It was the only way to show off my skills. I could talk to ponies any time.
“Ok, fine,” Tempest spat. She seemed to be rather hesitant about simply looking for clues. It was odd. If she was a detective in real life surely she would understand that physical evidence disappears over time.
I began to survey the scene. Most of the floor was covered in thick soot. It was obvious where it came from. A large semicircle formed around the hearth’s entrance. Then hoof prints were all over the place. Most were smudged. They could very well be the Grumpus skulking around.
I decided to start at the point of entry. I just wished it wasn’t so filthy. Still the harshness of detective work wouldn’t daunt me. I also had a shawl to wrap my mane in in case of occasions such as this.
“Rarity? Did you find something?” my companion asked as she wandered in.
“Half a moment, darling, I think I see something.” I had put my head in the flue and could see a bit of some material on the textured edge. My magic grabbed it and brought it out. It was a small bit of red cotton or wool. I looked closer and it was definitely wool.
“What is that? Fluff?”
“Wool... like from a sweater. And it’s red.” I stared at it in unnerved fear. “Like the Grumpus wears.”
“That thing again? Plenty of ponies wear red. And that chimney is definitely pony sized.” Tempest looked up at the large chamber above me.
“I shall search the rest of the room for clues,” I exclaimed, placing the evidence in a clear plastic bag from my pocket.
“We will search the rest of the room for clues,” reminded the unicorn staring at me with an annoyed expression on her face.
“Oh course, darling, I naturally meant us.” She was so testy. I decided to focus on the carpet. The hoof prints were easily visible to me by the way the carpet bunched. Though the soot scattered made the actual print indiscernible, I could still track each movement.
The thief had moved from the chimney towards where the tree stood. Then they stepped all over the place. Grabbing the presents I suspected. From the contours of the carpet I could tell the tree pitched forward towards the hoof prints. I glanced at the wall and, sure enough, there was an indentation of the tree trunk striking the wall. Probably when the Grumpus pulled the tree down. But why would he pull it upon himself?
“Rarity,” Tempest nearly bellowed from across the room. I shuttered involuntarily. Such a crass tone. I shall have to give her some lessons on indoor court etiquette.
“Yes, darling?” I trotted to her as she bent close to the ground. I didn’t miss the glow as she placed something in her pocket.
“Look, a trail.” She said, pointing a hoof down the corridor. “Also I found this.” She pulled a small fluff white ball. It looked like the same material that the red one was.
I shuddered. This was looking more and more like the Grumpus with each clue. I looked down at the carpet and easily spotted the trail of pine needles heading toward the main doors. Well, it wasn’t as obvious as a thick layer of needles, but there was enough of the occasional needles to lead to the door.
“You can see it ends right by the door,” the far-seeing unicorn pointed out. I followed the trail and noted that the carpet had been bunched in the same way down its length until we came to the abrupt end. I could tell a large mass had laid there but the tree was nowhere to be seen.
“Well, that’s peculiar,” I said mostly to myself.
“What is?” Tempest bumped into my flank as I came to a stop. “You should warn me before you do that.”
“Mmmph. Well I had thought you were paying attention. But look at the indents on this shag. It’s large enough that it could have easily been a tree. Yet where did it go?”
Tempest’s mouth skewed up in thought. Then she glared at the offending rug as if it would tell her it’s secrets if she intimidated it enough. Well, I certainly found it intimidating.
“I suppose you think this is Grumpus related too, huh?” she finally demanded of me.
“Well, the Grumpus does have those wings. It could have flown off with it.” I was met with another snort of disdain. Though I wasn’t ready to bet my shop it was the Grumpus, I thought Tempest was being quite dismissive of it. Legends tend to be based in reality, at least partially.
“I think it’s time we did my method,” she said with a decisive glare. “We have some evidence but it doesn’t give us the perp. Time to start asking questions.”
I didn’t like the way she said that. And the look in her eyes was far from comforting. It was like a manticore about to strike. I was hoping whoever she questioned survived it. Not even the Grumpus itself could stand up to that look. I doubt any pony would lie to that.
Tempest strode up to the nearest doors in the hallway. Many guests had been put in the castle. Despite them living in town, Twilight opened her home to them. She felt that sharing together as a town helped everyone feel like one large family. I was inclined to agree.
The way she knocked on the first door made my teeth rattle. Even her knock was intimidating. I almost felt like the guilty party and yet I knew I wasn’t.
“H-hello?” The timid voice called out from the other side of the injured door.
“Crystal Palace Police,” Tempest said in a tone that echoed through the hall and back.
“Crystal Palace?” The door opened and Strawberry Sunrise peeked out. “I haven’t been there. Why are the police looking for me?”
“I’m asking the questions little filly,” Tempest barked as she brushed past the startled mare. “Now did you hear the disturbance last night?”
“Y-yes, but I didn’t do any…”
“Oh, a guilty conscience, huh?”
“No. I just heard the crash and rushed to the door.”
Tempest’s eyes were sparkling gems of interest. It felt like the room got darker and only her eyes emitted any light. But they were still half slits as she scrutinized the pegasus in front of her.
“Ok, ok, I opened the door and I saw the tree just sitting there.” Strawberry was sweating. I could understand her trepidation. Those eyes would give Fluttershy’s stare some pointers. “And, uh, then it lifted off the ground and just vanished.”
“Vanished,” Tempest echoed with an eyebrow raised.
“Yeah! Just poof. Gone.”
“Did it glow beforehand?”
“I don’t think so… well, I was still groggy from the party but, …maybe?” Strawberry’s eyes darted around the room.
“Maybe,” Tempest was looking at her hard again. “Is that the official answer you want to give!”
“Yes... no… maybe. .. I already said that. Please don’t petrify me!” Strawberry paled. “I didn’t see the glow. I might have had too much eggnog with Berry. I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok,” I interjected. “You were just enjoying the party. It’s tough to know your limits. You’re not under suspicion. But any other thing else you can remember might be helpful.”
“Something purple…”
“Purple?” I glanced at my companion, who was purple, for clarification. The stone face of the detective told me nothing. I looked back at the swaying form of Strawberry. “Perhaps you should lie down, dear, it might help you think.”
“Oh, umm, thank you,” Strawberry nodded. She slowly climbed her shaking body into bed and I helped tuck her in. She looked quite dreadful.
“So this purple thing?” I prodded. Strawberry looked at me with eyes that swam. She wouldn’t be awake much longer.
“Oh that… I think it was just me. Some sort of flash. I think it was just the eggnog.” She laid her head down, closing her eyes.
“Like a teleportation spell?” Tempest demanded. But it was too late. The pegasus had succumbed to her drink and was easily dozing.
“Well… we might not have gotten everything we need, but we certainly got something,” I said optimistically as we left the room. I didn’t want the poor dear to be disturbed further.
“You let our witness fall asleep,” accused the detective.
“I was looking out for her well-being. She was teetering on the edge of collapsing on the floor.”
“It gave her good motivation to tell us the truth.”
I stood still shocked. It sounded diabolical and highly manipulative. Strawberry wasn’t even a suspect in my mind. Why she would try to lie? Perhaps Tempest was used to dealing with much harsher cases than this.
“What?” she asked, reading my face. Not that I was trying to hide it.
“Nothing, it's just that your methods seem quite harsh.”
Tempest nodded as if she expected this observation. “Sometimes going hard on ponies helps them respond better when another goes soft.”
“Good colt, bad colt? I see.” She was playing on my charm. It was well known how generous and charming I could be. I couldn’t blame her for that. “Very well. I suppose I could continue this routine, if need be.”
We came to the next door in the row. And felt the sharp rap on the door through the floor. Tempest was very harsh on the furnishings. But the door was opened by a yellow mare with a blue mane and a white Stetson. She was definitely an Apple relative, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember her name. Apple something to do with fiddles. Apple Bow? Apple Sonnet?
“Oh hi y’all, Ah was wonderin’ when ya would be knockin’ on mah door,” the Apple twang was unmistakable. Apple Chord? No no. That was AppleJack in a strange, gaudy outfit. “Come in, come in, Ah got something ta show ya that will help.”
Tempest took a step forward into the room and I followed. Something about the way it was lit didn’t seem quite right. Apple… something’s smile was a little too wide.
“You two are official detectives right?” she asked.
“Yes, ma’am.” Tempest said with a judging glare at me.
“Good,” she sighed. “Mah name is Special Agent Fiddlesticks. If y’all are official officers Ah don’t mind telling ya. Ah’m here on vacation but ma job is huntin’ down things that most ponies don’t know about. Ah work for the Supernatural Bureau of Defense.”
“The SBD?” I had never heard of such an organization. Why did it exist? Were there that many supernatural terrors that we don’t know about to defend against?
“Yup. Me and mah partner study creatures ponies only whisper about. The Grumpus has been in our case file fer years. Ah never thought he would appear here. Ah have all mah files right here.” She pointed to a large board set up against the wall. It was full of pictures and places connected together with bits of red string. I was a little taken back. I had no idea the Grumpus had been seen so often and affected so many.
Tempest was a little cooler in her assessment. She casually glanced at the pictures and connecting locations. “I noticed that you don’t have any pictures of the Grumpus itself. Only drawings.”
“Well, it’s not like the Grumpus stays long enough fer a photo. Most of these pictures were drawn by witnesses. But if ya notice they all look the same.”
Fiddlesticks frantically began pulling the renditions off the board and lined them up together. Though the art greatly varied, they did seem to be of the same thing: A light gray creature with a white head. It had unsightly horns and the whole thing looked unhealthily gaunt. Except for the drawing made in crayon.
“How horrid!” I couldn’t contain my reaction. The thought of this sickly creature entering the castle while I slept made my tail nearly lose its neatly brushed form.
“That’s not the half of it. Ah found this in the hallway before the little purple feller cleaned it up.” Fiddlesticks produced a chilling display of light gray feathers. They were ratty and mangled. The aura of them was pure evil, I could feel it. I nearly fainted again.
“So, how do we catch this monstrosity?” I wanted this to be over. Done with. Gone. I couldn’t bear the idea that something like was skulking around.
“Wait,” Tempest said calmly. How could she be so blasé? This had to be dealt with immediately. Or I may never sleep again.
She took the feathers from the agent’s hoof and looked at them closely. Those eyes of hers sparkled as she squinted. Then she sighed. Her pocket glowed and a pair of spectacles appeared from her pocket and placed themselves on her snout. The squinting stopped.
“These could still be pegasi feathers,” she finally concluded. Then quickly placed her glasses away.
“Glasses?” I said, rather beside myself.
“No, they’re feathers,” Fiddlesticks aptly corrected me.
“What’s wrong with wearing glasses?” glowered Tempest. Her stare dared me to say something negative.
“Nothing at all, darling, I wear them myself. But I am surprised that you don’t wear them more often.”
“They’re for small things close up. I can see things far away just fine.” Tempest stood straighter and defiant. Yet she was still squinting. “Can we get back to the case now?”
“Of course. My apologies. What do you make of the feathers, Detective Tempest?”
I earned a snort and a glare from using her full title. I don’t know why such things would upset her. I meant them in a respectful manner.
“They look like most feathers I have seen from flying ungulates. Pegasi, griffons and hippogriffs all have very similar feathers. But I don’t think I have seen a flying goat so I can’t say they aren’t. But in all likelihood, it belongs to a pegasus or griffon.” Tempest nodded to herself rather than us. She placed the feathers in an evidence bag.
“But what about the presents and Hearth’s Warmin’ stuff?” Fiddlesticks was adamant. She glanced around at all her papers and pictures. “Can’t ya see? This thing has struck. It’s another sightin’ and matches all the others.”
“I’m not ruling it out, but I don’t see anything that says it couldn’t be a pegasus or Griffon,” sighed the unicorn.
I was torn. Indeed it was very clearly looking like the Grumpus. But there was still doubt. And I couldn’t ignore that. We needed more evidence and knowledge before we could proceed with a “monster hunt.”
“Now,” Tempest said to the frustrated cowpony. “You said you got this before some pony cleaned it up. A ‘little purple feller’, I think you called him.”
“Spike?!” I gasped. “But why would he destroy evidence and clean a crime scene?”
“Guess we’re going to ask Spike.” With that, the detective strode determinedly to the door.
“But-but what about mah research and drawin’s and stuff?” Fiddlesticks desperately cried. She began hurriedly wrapping up her papers for us to take.
“Don’t worry, darling, I’m sure if we find that it was the Grumpus, your research will be invaluable in catching him.” I didn’t know if my words would calm the mare but she slowed in her packing and began to think.
“Well alright then. Jist remember, Ah’m here and ready ta take down that varmint! Ah’ll keep these papers ready fer y’all.”
I nodded then followed the driven detective. We had to find Spike. I couldn’t understand why he would do something like this. Impeding an investigation is an unthinkable act. Still, he is my friend. I should give him the benefit of the doubt.
Spike was in his room looking at the floor when we came upon him. He looked tired. His little wings dipped down and his ear… uh things were also down. My word, I never knew what those were. Were they ears? I suppose those are the best description of them.
At any rate, he looked like an emotional mess. My first instinct was to cuddle him and cheer this dragon up. Tempest had other plans.
“Spike!” she shouted. “What have you done?”
Spike looked at Tempest and I with eyes full of guilty tears. “I’m sorry!” He cried, breaking instantly. “I cleaned up the trail! I knew it was evidence! If Twilight hadn’t said… oop!”
He went quiet but I could tell he felt awful. Such a horrible position. To be caught in between the truth and what a friend asks for. I melted immediately.
“Oh Spikey Wikey, why would Twilight ask you to do that?” I picked him up in my hooves. He immediately latched onto me. It had always been this way between Spike and I. I was aware of his little crush, but took great pains not to lead him on…too much.
“She said she didn’t want to cause a panic. She didn’t want the Grumpus to ruin everypony’s holiday.” The little dragon sobbed into my chest. It was both heartbreaking and adorable. “She said she would do her own investigation and that everypony should leave it to her. But when you two began to look into it, she kind of panicked and worried you might think she’s the culprit.”
“I thought she learned to come to us for these things,” I sighed. It wasn’t like Twilight to try to do it herself any longer. But it was probably a misguided attempt to let us enjoy the holiday.
“She wanted you guys to enjoy the holiday,” Spike explained. I thought so.
“Still, she could have saved us a lot of trouble by telling us what she found already,” Tempest grumbled.
“Well, her investigation was really quick.” The little dragon climbed out of my hooves looking much better. “Everypony came out really fast, so she grabbed the tree with her magic and told me to clean up the trail of pine needles. She didn’t want ponies like Rainbow Dash and Applejack running after the Grumpus.”
“That… is a real possibility.” I confirmed. Applejack and Rainbow Dash do have a nasty habit of galloping off without much sense. It might have been a brash decision to keep it from us but it least bought enough time to gather our wits.
“I think it’s time we talk to the Princess,” snarled the much too agitated unicorn. I quickly kept pace with her. My hope was that the walk would lessen her hurt feelings. It didn’t and she barged into Twilight’s meeting room.
“Want to tell us what’s going on?!” she barked. That compelling gaze found Twilight sitting in her chair reading. So, a normal scenario. Some ponies never learn.
“Oh, hi,” Twilight said as innocently as possible. “What have you girls found out?”
“We found out you’re hiding evidence!”
“No, well not from you two anyway,” Twilight sighed. She closed the book that I noticed was on myths and legends. Studying the Grumpus no doubt. “I brought the tree up to make sure no pony panicked. I was going to tell you but you already started your investigation and I didn’t want to interrupt it. I figured you’d find out eventually.”
“Indeed we have,” I said, cutting off whatever sharp retort Tempest was about to say. “And we would appreciate anything you discovered.”
“Well, I’ve scanned the tree pretty thoroughly. It was found by the main door, the top was pointed at the door and some of the branches were sheared off. And I found this.” Twilight pulled up a plastic bag containing some long white hairs. She looked nervously at her find. “If the Grumpus is white and gray, this looks very much like him. I think it’s some of his beard.”
“Come on Twilight,” sighed Tempest. “I thought you of all ponies would be more impartial than this. The evil Grumpus? It’s a foal's story. Used to get foals to fall asleep on Hearth’s Warming Eve. I thought you would see reason.”
“If all the clues point to him,” Twilight began.
“Are you sure you are looking at it objectively?” the detective spat.
I don’t like conflicts such as this. I moved to the table to arrange the evidence we had gathered. A red piece of fluff and a white piece of fluffy, both made of the same material. It was true the Grumpus was rumored to wear a suit of this color but any pony could. A set of gray feathers. Again it could be from the Grumpus’s wings but as Tempest pointed out all feathers were similar. Lastly, a few strands of white hair. Wait. Something about the hair wasn’t right.
I looked closely at the strands as the two smartest ponies I knew argued over legend versus truth. They seemed quite long to be from a beard. They were too smooth and straight. Most beards I encountered were small, thick and kinked in odd manners. These were more like locks of mane. Goats don’t have manes.
I placed the evidence bag on the table and nearly gasped. They landed on a piece of paper Twilight was working on and the truth was revealed. They weren’t white beard hair at all. They were a very light blonde and most certainly from a mane.
“Wait!” I cried, cutting off the heated debate that looked like it could grow violent. “We’re wrong.”
“About what?” Tempest quickly asked. “We can’t agree on anything to be wrong about.”
“These strands are neither white nor beard,” I said determinantly. “They are very light blonde and probably mane or tail.”
I held the evidence bag up against the piece of paper with my magic. The others walked closer to examine it. Their faces showed they came to the same conclusion I had.
“So it is a pony,” Tempest declared in a rather stuffy, smug manner. I hope I don’t look like that when I know I’m right.
“A blonde pony with gray feathers …” Twilight’s mind was working and I was sure she would come to the culprit I had. “Oh dear...” she finally cried.
“I thought so too,” I nodded.
“Where do you think she’d be?” The concern was palpable in Twilight’s manners.
“If I ventured to guess, her home or the post office,” I responded. Both seemed equally likely.
“Want to fill me in on who we’re talking about?” Tempest growled, literally stepping into the conversation.
“Oh, I’m sorry, most ponies know her, Miss Derpy Hooves,” I informed my lost companion. “She has a propensity for trouble. She’s quite clumsy and can make a quagmire of things.”
“So, you think this Derpy stole all the presents and tried to take the tree?”
“No. If it was Derpy, most likely it was some sort of accident. Perhaps many. She doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body.” It was true. As infuriating as she had been to me in the past. Especially around this time of year, she never was so purposely.
“I’ll check her home, you two check the post office,” Twilight suggested. “If she did this by accident then she’s probably pretty upset. Don’t kick in the door or anything.”
Tempest snorted at the accusation, unless it was a snort of annoyance that she didn’t get to use her mighty legs. I couldn’t be sure.
The lights were on in the post office. I figured it was more likely she would go there. No pony wanted to go there if they didn’t have to. It was the perfect hiding spot. That or getting herself stuck up in a tree.
I knocked on the door and heard a gasp inside. It was followed by a soft voice. “No pony’s here.”
“What?” I found the very notion of obviously lying to be almost humorous. But it was Derpy.
“I said no pony is here.” It was barely enough volume to make it through the door.
“Then who am I talking to?” I would hope this game would end soon. It was frightfully cold at this point and the snow was sogging into my new Oogs.
“To me.”
“And who is that?”
“Derpy… but I’m not here.”
“Well, can I at least come in from the cold?” I whined a bit. The snow was causing my hooves to shake. “That way I can check if you’re really not there. I have something important to talk to you about, and if you’re not there, I have to look for you somewhere else.”
I felt ridiculous for speaking such a roundabout thing. If it got the door open and saved my boots, I would gladly sound ridiculous.
The door opened with a click and a small face poked out. She had been crying and there was tape stuck all over her.
“Are you mad at me?” She immediately asked as she opened the door wider.
“Good heavens, what happened to your face and tail?” I should have known but I still prefer an explanation. She was simply covered in tape and some sort of paper.
“I can fix them. I can fix them all,” Derpy hurriedly explained. I had no idea what she was talking about until I stepped into the office. Tempest said nothing as she followed. All around us were the many gifts ponies had left by the tree. Most of them were in various stages of damage.
“I can fix them,” she repeated looking around at the disarray in front of her. “I’m a postal pony. I know how to wrap things. It’s just taking me a little longer. There are so many.”
“What happened?” Tempest asked, sounding truly considerate.
“I’m sorry,” Derpy wailed and she flung her body at our hooves.
“It’s ok, darling, we forgive you. Just tell us what happened and we shall set things right.” The little pegasus looked… er up? at me. And wiped the tears from her eyes.
”Really?” she asked. I nodded looking at all the debris. The presents looked crumpled and battered. Like the packages she normally delivered. All except a small box that sat away from the rest.
It was a red wooden box with dark black staining. Very elegant for a room littered with refuse. I didn’t wish to pry but I was really curious to see what was inside.
Derpy followed my gaze. Or at least I think she did. It’s hard to read exactly where she’s looking. “That is what started it. It’s my present. It was trying to put it under the tree for a very special Princes… pony but I tripped. I stepped in that box, fell onto that gift, then I fell into the tree. It tipped over and fell on me instead, then my tail got tangled in the lights and I tried to run away. The tree followed me and grabbed the presents and started passing them out. I knew it wasn’t right to give gifts yet so I turned around and grabbed them. I thought I could rewrap them but … it took longer than I thought. They were all squished and dragged. And that’s what started this mess.”
“I see.” So the infamous “snuggle princess” rumor was true. I had heard that Derpy had called Princess Luna the “snuggle Princess” in a public place and implied that they slept together. I doubt it was anything more than actual sleep but still it hinted at a strange relationship between the two. I felt it best to use discretion.
“What can I do? I ruined everypony’s Hearth’s Warming!” Derpy began to bawl again.
“Now, now, it isn’t ruined. Everything is still here and we are all still together.” I wrapped the little pegasus in my hooves.
“We can help rewrap all the presents and put the tree back up,” Tempest consoled, leaning down to Derpy’s level. “Rarity knows how to get things looking pretty and is quick about it. I’m sure you two will have the presents wrapped in no time.”
“Er.. perhaps,” I stammered. I could work some miracles, but with Derpy’s help it might slow me down considerably. “Maybe you should take your gift and give it to the Prince… pony yourself. Then you can tell the rest of the castle there was no Grumpus activity. It will definitely cheer them up.”
Derpy perked at this prospect and I nodded approvingly as she grabbed her small gift. She and Tempest made their way back to the castle while I felt my confident smile crumble. This was a nightmare! Tags were missing, presents were smashed, and there was an exorbitant amount of tape over everything.
A knock at the door pulled my attention from the carnage. Tempest had returned with the rest of my friends. They all jumped to attention and wrapped the night away doing the best they could with what they had.
As the morning sun began to rise, we finished all of the gift repairs. Rainbow and Applejack raced one another to see how many gifts they could return to the castle.
I followed the mad mares at a much slower pace, of course. The gifts looked divine. At least on the outside. The ones that were broken Twilight mended with her magic. All in all, it was a most rewarding case. I could not wait to see looks on the ponies faces as they opened presents they thought were lost forever.
First, my bed still required me. Or rather I, it. My detective outfit placed safely on the rack, I set myself into the warm sheets and blankets that lined my bed. My head grazed the pillow when it popped up again. There was one more gift to wrap!
Finally after the sun was well on the horizon I drifted off.
The afternoon finally woke me as my excited sister and her friends could not contain their glee any longer. I graciously allowed them to drag me from my slumber and joined them in the main hall.
Ponies were still unwrapping and excitedly talking about the Grumpus. Though most knew it was Derpy last night, the rumors spread nonetheless. Everypony acted like they had their first true adventure after the dangerous goat. It made the hall alive with life.
I noticed Princess Luna and Derpy in the corner. Curious, I crept over. After all this present was what started all this fuss. I felt justified in finding out at least what it was.
Luna slowly opened the lid and her face was bathed in a silvery glow. Her eyes widened and a glimmer of something round reflected in her eyes.
“Derpy, do you know what this is?” gasped the Princess. Derpy nodded in reply. I crept closer.
“This is a truly wondrous gift. I do not know if it befits me. Our relationship is so new and I would have thought you would have waited until its future was more secure.”
Was it what I thought it was? Was Derpy proposing already? I needed to know. This was too good and promising to pass up.
Luna swept the little mare in her mighty wings, blocking my view. A pout found its way to my face. But was quickly retracted as a purple hoof touched my shoulder. I nearly jumped then fainted. I quickly looked for a chaise but finding none I decided to remain standing.
“There you are,” Tempest said with a mighty yawn. Apparently, she decided to forgo sleep altogether. Such a practice produces wrinkles that couldn’t be removed.
“Ahh, Tempest, you startled me, darling.”
“Some pony looked a little nosy.”
“Excuse me. I’m making sure the most precious gift was secure. Oh, before I forget, I got you something as well.” I placed the last minute inspiration into her hooves. It was wrapped in glistening fabric and used a hidden knot wrap to give it that nearly seamless look.
“Oh uh.. thank you,” Tempest looked at the parcel in confusion. She turned it this way and that. Then looked at me uncertainly.
I sighed and showed where it needed to be pulled to unravel. My work is so underappreciated. I watched as the look on her face turned from apprehension, to confusion, then finally to a smirk.
“Diamond Spade?” She grinned.
“Of course. I figured it could help you understand the need for seeing small details. Plus, it’s a detective story. I’m certain you will appreciate it. Let me know when you finish it and I shall send you the next volume.”
“Actually,” Tempest said, looking at the book thoughtfully. “I have a gift for you as well.”
The wrapping was haphazard and shoddy but still done with love. Some ponies are all left hooves, but it’s the thought that counts. I carefully tried to remove the parchment with great delicacy but Tempest began to laugh.
“Just open it already. I had it specially delivered.”
I pulled at the paper much harder and found a framed certificate inside. “Official Detective Consultant of the Crystal Police,” I read aloud. “Is this what I think it is?”
“Yup. You’re now a certified detective.” Tempest gave a wink.
“Why, thank you! This is amazing!”
“Well, you earned it as far as I’m concerned.” She patted my shoulder and walked away leaving me holding the mighty gift. I stared at her as she left with a small smile on her face. I made a new friend that Hearth’s Warming. And such a thing was better than any gift I could receive.
