Author's Note
I... Am not entirely proud of this, for many reasons.
This is the only story out of four drafts to make it to a 'finished' state, and even that's reaching because I couldn't really proof read it. So it's bound to be full of glaring errors. I couldn't even draw a cover, so I just went and snapped a pic of two of my own toys.
I hope it's okay.
Ovens Were a Mistake
“And this-” Princess Cadance whipped out a box, setting it on the table among all the other bits and bobs upon it, “Is a sugar cookie.”
The former Queen Chrysalis blinked boredly, saying, “That’s a box.”
“Well, yes. The sugar cookies are in the box.” Cadance opened it and grabbed one, passing it to the Changeling. She made no effort to take it, so the princess set it in front of her. It was round and fluffy, coated in a generous amount of green frosting, with an even more generous pile of sprinkles on top of that, “These ones are store bought, because I haven’t been able to make any just yet, but they work in a pinch! Flurry Heart seems to love them, at least. Would you like to try one?”
Chrysalis just eyes the cookie, making a face. Cadance knew very well that she wasn’t fond of physical food, but hadn’t had a filling meal in months due to the ‘No Draining the Crystal Ponies or My Family’ rule. It was so unfair, and downright cruel. They were starving her!
Reluctantly, she grabbed the cookie. Cadance stood happily beside her, watching intently. Chrysalis could tell that she was so sure this plan was going to work, even if the past dozen times resulted in the same outcome. She took a bite of the cookie.
She spit it out.
“This cookie was not made with love.”
Cadance’s smile dropped, but only slightly.
“Okay!” She said, slapping her hooves together, “It’s okay. There’s plenty more where that came from.”
“I wish there wasn’t,” Chrysalis said plainly, tossing the cookie to the side.
“Don’t worry, I’ll bake the next batch. There ought to be plenty of love if I make them, I am the Princess of Love after all,” Cadance winked, and Chrysalis gagged dramatically, “I’ll go get the supplies for the cookies.”
“A title does not make good cookies.”
Halfway to the door, Cadance stopped to say, “Perhaps not, but the right ingredients do, and I got this recipe from Pinkie Pie. So you know it’s going to be sweet.”
“Gross.”
“Y’know, with that attitude, I should make you help with the cookies. Maybe see if you can add any love.”
“I would much rather be turned back to stone.”
“Yep, sounds like you’re helping. I’ll take you to the kitchen after I go pick up some sprinkles, have fun with your leftovers!”
She slipped out the door before Chrysalis had a chance to object, smile dropping fully.
Six moons. Six moons of working with Chrysalis, trying to get her to stop attempting to ruin everypony’s lives. After her acquisition of the throne, Twilight had thought it’d be a wonderful idea to redeem the four beings that had tried to take over Equestria not even a year before. She’d chosen her friends carefully, trying to determine who’d be the best at teaching those power hungry creatures about friendship.
She’d assigned Chrysalis to her beloved Sister-in-law due to the Empire’s success in befriending Thorax, as well as because of the two’s more… Personal relations with each other. It was fine though, really. Chrysalis had made some progress. She wasn’t trying to escape anymore, for one thing, and she hadn’t tried to drain Shining Armor or Flurry Heart in the past couple of weeks. Though, the last one may have had something to do with the fact that Cadance had recently forbidden them from going anywhere near Chrysalis without her being with them.
Shining Armor hadn’t been particularly fond of this rule, but Cadance assured him that she wasn't giving him a choice. Twilight had asked her to rehabilitate Chrysalis, not the both of them. It did feel wrong to exclude him, but she didn’t like the idea of putting the two of them in the same room.
It was fine though, really. As hard as everything had been, Cadance had a plan now.
Hearth’s Warming was only about a week away, and though it was no Hearts & Hooves Day, it was probably the most loving time of the year for everypony. Though the Crystal Empire didn’t celebrate Hearth’s Warming in full, Cadance still loved to decorate the castle and bake sweets if she had the time. It had confused the Crystal Ponies at first, but once they learned the history and facts of the holiday, and some other ponies from around Equestria had begun to move to the empire, they’d shown some interest. Of course, the majority had stuck to their own holiday as well, which was perfectly understandable.
Cadance had taken her time to learn about their holiday as well, and even held a Crystal Ball every Winter Solstice. Last year, she had invited Twilight, but this year she’d chosen to visit her friends, so Cadance was on her own. Well, that wasn’t entirely true, she still had Shining and Flurry, and maybe even Chrysalis.
It was going to be a very eventful holiday, that was for sure.
“Do you know how to make cookies, Chrysalis?” Cadance asked, pulling out all sorts of bags and cups and whatnot. She’d changed her attire since the last time Chrysalis had seen her, now wearing an apron instead of her typical regalia. It was pink and cutesie.
Eyeing her and the materials in confusion, not quite understanding what the point of any of it was, Chrysalis only said, “I don’t eat physical food.”
“Now that’s a lie, you’ve mentioned eating Cozy Glow’s cupcakes before.” She poured some white powder into a bowl, topping it off with a little more white powder, but from a different container, “What were those like, anyhow? Is Cozy a good cook?”
“They were edible. What is all this?”
“All what?” Cadance poured yet another white powder into the bowl, but only a small amount, “You mean the ingredients?”
“If that’s what you call them, yes.”
“This is flour,” Cadance pointed a hoof at each one as she explained, “Sugar, baking powder, baking soda, butter, eggs, vanilla extract, milk, and sprinkles. I’ll be using some of this to make the frosting as well.”
“And you need all this for cookies?” Chrysalis asked, genuinely confused. Cadance nodded, “Why?”
“Because just like you need to live life to love, you need to mix sugar and butter to make sweets.”
Chrysalis blinked in confusion, but stayed silent as she watched. Cadance threw some more white powder into a separate bowl, and then a lump of something yellowish. She squished it up with a spoon, then cracked an egg and added a few drops of some sort of liquid. She then slowly mixed in the powdered mixture, and held up the bowl.
“Do you want to help me shape them into balls?” She asked.
Glancing between the cookie goop and the princess, Chrysalis very quickly said, “No.”
“Alright, but I think they’d taste better if you did help.”
“No.”
Cadance said nothing at that, turning to the sink to wash her hooves. Once done with that, she turned back to the table, scooping small amounts of goop into her hooves and rolling each chunk into a small ball. She set each one on a sheet of metal, until the bowl was empty.
Grabbing the metal sheet in her magic, she turned to the hot box that Chrysalis had heard was called an oven. Then she frowned.
“Oh dang it,” She said.
Astonished by such vulgarities from the Princess of Love, Chrysalis inched closer and hummed in curiosity.
“I forgot to preheat the oven.”
“Does that really matter?”
“The cookies won’t cook right if the temperature isn’t specific.”
“Oh.” Chrysalis watched as Cadance fiddled with the knobs on the oven, setting the cookie sheet back on the counter, “So, how long will this take?”
“Just a few moments, would you like to lick the spoon?”
“What.”
“Lick the spoon?” Cadance held out the mentioned item, covered in cookie goop, “I always let Twilight do that when I foalsat her, and I’ll probably let Flurry do it once she’s old enough to help in the kitchen without teleporting weird things into mixtures.”
“I do not want your spoon.”
Cadance shrugged, “More for me.”
Sticking the spoon in her mouth, she began to tidy up. Chrysalis almost had the urge to help, almost, but stayed put. She was not about to do anything nice for the pony that was starving her.
*Ding*
“Oven’s ready!” Cadance shouted, jolting Chrysalis out of her brooding. She tossed the spoon into the sink, and levitated over the sheet over to the oven, sliding it in, “And while we wait, we can start to work on the frosting.”
“You do that,” Chrysalis muttered, catching a glimpse of Cadance shrugging as she turned to stare at the oven.
Other than being a hot box that would probably melt her carapace if touched, Chrysalis knew very little about ovens. In fact, she knew basically nothing about the typical set up of a pony’s special ‘kitchen’ room. What little she did know she learned from her Changelings, before they’d been unfairly stolen from her, that is, since they’d acted the part of a pony more often than she had.
She probably should’ve asked more, but it had never interested her. Who needs a hot or cold box when you could eat your meals fresh? Ponies were all so very complicated.
“Do you want to like this spoon?” Cadance asked suddenly, sticking another glob covered utensil in Chrysalis’ face, “It’ll taste much better than the first one.”
“No.”
“Suit yourself.” Cadance set that spoon to the side, instead of putting it in her mouth like Chrysalis had expected.
Glancing to the oven again, she asked, “So how long is this going to take? It’s dreadfully boring here.”
“Just a couple more minutes,” Cadance assured, gathering up the dirty dishes, “Sugar cookies only take about 10 minutes to bake.”
“Really? I thought we’ve been here for an eternity.”
She went ignored, Princess of Love and Disrespecting Changeling Queens continuing in her tidying. She only paused to finally take the cookies out of the oven, then turning to her pile of cooking supplies to put those away. Chrysalis rolled her eyes at that.
“Don’t you have servants to clean up your messes?” She asked.
“Well, yeah. But this mess is mine, so I’m going to clean it up.”
“How incredibly embarrassing.”
Once again, she was not given a response. That silence always bothered her. Cadance had started off their little ‘friendship’ with just as many quick remarks and dirty looks her way, but that attitude seems to have faded away recently.
Chrysalis didn’t like it. She wanted conflict. She wanted to sense more than just tolerance from the crystal princess. It seemed as if she was getting harder and harder to read, and that was a problem for an empathic love eater. Had she cast a spell over herself?
“So, are you going to frost the cookies?”
She really needed to stop initiating the conversation.
“We actually can’t do that quite yet,” Cadance answered, setting the eggs in the refrigerator, finally done with her basic cleaning, “The frosting will melt everywhere if we don’t let the cookies cool first.”
“Then what was the point of making the frosting already?”
“Doesn’t hurt to start early. Besides, these cookies are just as good without frosting!” She lifted one off the pan, offering it to Chrysalis, “Would you like one?”
“Not really.”
She held it closer, a heart changing little smile on her face, “Please?”
“Fine.” Chrysalis snatched the cookie, staring at it in disgust, “What was even the point of making these?”
“I just felt like it,” Cadance shrugged, “Consider it a practice run for Hearth’s Warming.”
“Hearth’s Warming?”
The princess seemed to perk at the question, explaining, “It’s a holiday! The Crystal Empire doesn’t really celebrate it, but I do, and I figured it’d be good to raise Flurry on both. The day’s about-”
“I know what Hearth’s Warming is,” Chrysalis spat, making Cadance flinch, “It was always one of the best times to drain ponies, so much love around it was practically euphoric for all of us. It had always been a highlight of Winter, a moment of strength for all of us. A shame you took it all away.”
Cadance did not waver at the accusation, much to Chrysalis’ annoyance. Instead, her gaze was on Chrysalis’ hoof. The former queen followed her gaze, eyes widening in horror.
There was a bite taken out of the cookie.
Had she bitten it while rambling about the good times?
Why hadn’t she eaten it all at once?
She threw it on the ground, suddenly aware of the sugary sweetness in her mouth. Cadance frowned.
“It was worse than the first one,” She lied.
“I still can not believe you didn’t like my cookies,” Cadance pouted, frosting the cookies. Her daughter was attempting to help her, jar of sprinkles in her magic, having decided she was lonely and wanted her mother. Chrysalis had only hissed at her once.
“I still can’t believe you don’t realize that I survive off love,” Chrysalis shot back, “I do not eat physical food, and your cooking is disgusting.”
“Lies, all lies,” She sing-songed, half feeling like a mockery toward Chrysalis. She was ready to hiss at the insolence, but saw the princess offering Flurry a freshly frosted cookie. The tinier princess accepted it without so much as a single thought, “See, Flurry likes them.”
“That child would eat a bug in the dirt if someone dared her.”
“Hey, insult me all you want, but do not insult my daughter.” She pointed an accusatory hoof at Chrysalis, who only scoffed at the action, “And a bug wouldn’t even be one of the worst things I’ve seen a foal try to put in their mouth.”
“I do not understand you ponies.”
“We’ll have you learn in due time.”
Chrysalis just mock gagged, turning away and wordlessly thinking about Cadance’s cookies. She had enjoyed them, and she didn’t like that one bit. Was it the sweet taste that had gotten to her? Was it the fact they were made with love? She’d merely tolerated Cozy Glow’s cupcakes, those were always loveless, or made with some other odd emotion.
She’d still eaten them, for some reason. She must’ve been desperate. Or she didn’t care enough about Cozy Glow’s feelings, and making her sad was pointless, because she was never sad. Just angry.
Not that it mattered anymore, she wasn’t anywhere near Cozy Glow. Just with a princess, who apparently also liked to bake, and made really good cookies. Ones that she wanted more of, but was not about to admit it out loud.
Dang it.
She was going to have to figure out how to make those herself, wasn’t she?
It couldn’t be that hard, right?
Getting into the kitchen had hardly been a problem, Chrysalis had been given full range of the castle after she’d stopped trying to escape. Tonight would probably have been a good night to do so, considering nearly every guard was home for the Winter Solstice. She couldn’t imagine there were too many ponies outside this time of night, but she wasn’t about ready to risk being caught.
It would be easier if she could change her appearance, but no, little Miss Princess of Friendship and Element of Magic had somehow found a way to dampen her natural magic. Just another unfair cruelty to Changelings.
Once in the kitchen, the true problem arose.
She had no idea what she was doing.
How was it again that Cadance had made those cookies? Chrysalis remembered various white powders, bird eggs, and a hunk of refrigerated yellow. Digging through the ridiculous amount of cabinets and cold boxes the kitchen had, she found some of those, but whether they were the correct powders had yet to be seen.
She really should’ve listened better. At least the bowls had been easy to find. She remembered Cadance using more than one, which had confused Chrysalis somewhat. What was the point of dirtying an extra bowl?
Understanding the stupidity of that, she set out the biggest bowl she could find.
Now she just had to remember which powder was which, and how much she needed. Cadance had used little cups to measure the ingredients, but Chrysalis didn’t understand their significance, or even remember which she had used for what.
So, being the brilliant bug queen that she was, Chrysalis was going to wing it. What was the worst that could happen?
A lot, apparently.
She could hardly tell the difference between sugar and flour, and what was up with the baking stuff? Powder and soda? What was the difference? What was extracted from vanilla to make vanilla extract? She might’ve gotten some eggshells in the mix, but she’d never cracked an egg before, just the initial thought of a cracked egg was awful to her.
Cooking was an awful hassle, ponies should really consider switching to a more emotional based diet.
It didn’t take long for Chrysalis’ simple pile of various powders to turn into a wet pile of doughy mush. She must’ve missed a step somewhere, maybe forgot an ingredient? Perhaps she added too much milk? Was milk even supposed to be an ingredient?
It probably didn’t matter, but just in case, she licked her spoon. She didn’t have anything to compare it with since she’d refused Cadance’s offer earlier, so she wasn’t sure if it was supposed to taste the way it was. It wasn’t inedible, at least, but there was certainly no hint of love. Then again, it was her making them, and she was as loveless as they came.
Searching around for one of those metal sheets Cadance had put dough on, Chrysalis realized she’d made a mess. One that she couldn’t leave to the servants, lest she suffer the happiness of Cadance’s assumption that she was changing for the better. She’d also have to find her way to a shower for herself as well, what with how much she spilled on herself. How humiliating.
Finally finding the cabinet with the metal sheet needed, Chrysalis chastised the ridiculous amount of hiding spots in the room, then turned back to her bowl of dough. Reaching into the blob, she took out a hoof full, rolling it into a ball. It came out looking a bit more like a melting cylinder, but she supposed that was good enough.
Plopping it onto the sheet, she got started on another glob. This one ended up a bit rounder, but was still unlike what Cadance had been rolling out earlier. Somehow, the glob after that looked triangular.
It really should not have been that hard to roll dough into balls.
Finished with that, she shoved the cookies into the oven, and plopped down in front of the glass to watch the magic work. Cadance said it only took a few minutes for them to cook, right? Maybe they’d taste better than they looked after a bit of heating?
Ten minutes of no progress later, Chrysalis realized something incredibly important.
She’d forgotten to turn the oven on.
One groan of annoyance later, she was fiddling with the knobs on the oven. Cadance had pre-heated it, but since she’d already shoved the cookies in it, Chrysalis didn’t see a point to another added step. It was already annoyingly complicated, why make the wait longer?
Miraculously, she didn’t start a fire in the kitchen. She did gain a new distrust of this flaming hot box, however. At least the cookies were finally baking now.
“Stupid magical pony nonsense,” She muttered, Shaking a scorched hoof. Now she was frustrated, and she wanted the overglorified hot box to know it, “I’m better than you, and the things that created you. I don’t need to cook or eat or do anything that’s such a hassle, that makes me superior to you.”
“Then why is the room covered in flour and sugar?”
Oh shoot.
Turning with a yelp, Chrysalis saw a familiar pink princess in the doorway. Her regalia was missing and her hair was a bit tangled, but she was definitely there, awake and curious. Chrysalis needed an excuse, fast.
“Because it demanded a sacrifice?”
Why did she say that?
“A sacrifice of what, exactly?”
“You. Get in the oven.” This was humiliating.
“Chrysalis.”
“I wasn’t trying to make your disgusting cookies.”
“I didn’t say you were,” Cadance grinned, and Chrysalis resisted yelling in frustration, “But thanks for the confirmation.”
Trying to hide that frustration, she asked, “Why are you even here?”
“Flurry Heart woke me up. She said there was a Windigo in the castle. I see now that it was only you.”
Chrysalis didn’t think she could frown deeper, but she did, “I am far more sophisticated than those beasts.”
“I didn’t say you weren’t.” She walked into the kitchen, gracefully avoiding the mess on the floor. Stopping at the sink, Cadance grabbed a cup and filled herself a glass of water. Sipping it casually, she looked over the mess, then to the Changeling, “So, about those cookies…”
Chrysalis crossed her arms, “I thought they tasted good.”
“Oh wow, I did not expect a confession that quickly.”
“You were going to pester me for one anyway.”
“True.” Cadance set her cup on the counter, looking over the mess again, “Again, about those cookies… You should probably take them out of the oven.”
Blinking, Chrysalis was suddenly aware of a smell that wasn’t quite right. Turning to the oven in alarm, she opened the front and saw her doughy lumps had turned into darkened chunks.
“What?” Chrysalis yanked the pan out with magic, the searing heat unable to affect her that way, “I just put them in!”
“You also spent quite a few minutes yelling at the oven.”
“Hush, you.”
For some reason, Cadance actually listened to that demand, while Chrysalis tried to scrape one of her burnt cookies off the pan. She burnt herself a few times in her attempts, only stopping long enough to snatch a spatula from Cadance. With that, she finally managed to free one of her sad excuses of a cookie.
It was much darker than the cookies the princess had made, but maybe that didn’t affect the taste? Chrysalis wasn’t exactly willing to taste test it, so she did the unthinkable.
She offered it to Cadance.
“This one’s for you,” She said simply. Cadance eyed the cookie unsurely, eventually grabbing it but not even attempting to take a bite, “Try it.”
“I’d love to, but…” She made a face, one that Chrysalis knew was disgust, “Did you wash your hooves before making these?”
“Is that really your concern here?” Chrysalis asked, mood switched to annoyed. Cadance nodded.
“Not washing your hooves before preparing food is very unsanitary. We can’t eat these if you didn’t.”
This time, Chrysalis frowned, “Just say they’re horrible.”
“Okay, fine,” Cadance’s tone shifted, her true feelings finally unveiled, “They probably are awful, but you really do need to wash your hooves before cooking anything. What did you even do? They hardly look like cookies, did you measure everything properly?”
“Probably not.”
Cadance sighed, “Fine, let’s start fresh then. Would you like some help cleaning up?”
“Fresh start?”
“Of course.” Cadance was already wetting a rag to start scrubbing the counter, and passed it to Chrysalis, “You need some cooking lessons, and you like my cookies. So this is a good place to start.”
“You’re going to teach me how to make cookies.”
“Yep. And with any luck, we’ll make a perfect batch for Hearth’s Warming! Now, how do you think you'd feel about making hoofprint cookies?”
