Pomf!
The snowball splattered harmlessly against a plaid-sleeved forearm as its owner loosed a shout that was definitely masculine in every way and didn't sound at all like Sweetie Belle.
"Holy crap that's cold!" Anon squealed, digging snowball shrapnel from the collar of his coat. He reached a hand behind his back in his exaggerated panic as a snowball gathered in green magic. He flicked his fingers and sent it zooming at the offending unicorn.
Starlight laughed as his snowball flew wide and exploded into a fine powder. "Take your time. Focus on your aim," she said as she packed more snow in her own magic. "Even the fastest unicorns are useless if they can't hit anything. Levitate it, pick your target, will it in that direction, and release."
"Oh, like this?" he asked as the glow disappeared from his hand, burying Starlight under a pile of snow. Anon fell to the ground, laughing.
Starlight tried to teleport, but the shock of the sudden cold surrounding her made it difficult. Her horn glowed brighter and brighter as she tried to escape her frosty tomb, until Anon's laughter faded from worry.
With a blinding flash and the crack of an overcharged spell, both of them disappeared.
"Uh, guys?" Rainbow Dash fluttered down from her nearby perch to investigate and confirm their sudden absence.
With a crack, Anon landed on his bed. The wind was knocked from him a moment later as something landed on top of him. Something soft. And a little squishy.
Oh no.
Anon scrambled out from under the woman and stood next to his bed.
Wait. My bed. There's a woman in my bed.
He looked around the oddly familiar room. The walls themselves were mostly bare, but the shelves lining them were far from, carrying the weight of years of seclusion and social awkwardness.
In my room…
Anon's stomach churned in realization as panic started to set in. He ran from room to room. Everything looked just as he remembered, from the bag of Cheetos next to the couch to the cereal bowl waiting in the sink.
I'm home. But… I don't want to be home.
He leaned against the wall and sank to the floor.
All of my friends. Starlight. Everyone's gone and I'm trapped back in this hell hole again.
His face fell to his hands, and, quietly, he wept.
Anon eventually moved to the couch, leg shaking as he tried to come to terms with his situation.
I'm home. Three years there and it's the day I left.
He checked the date on his phone for the eighth time in as many minutes.
Was it all a dream? It'd be my luck. I find someplace to belong. I make friends. Hell, I even fall in love, even if I didn't nut up and say something. Now here I am, and none of it ever even happened.
He looked out the window. Snow drifted down lazily, piling up on the wall of his porch. Across the way, he could see the soft glow of colored light bulbs. He looked down and checked his phone again. The date hadn't changed.
A soft creak echoed down the hall from his room, drawing his attention. "Anon?"
That's right. There was a girl in there.
"I'm in here," he called back.
His bed creaked again, followed by the floor. "Where are we?" she asked as she stepped into the open. "And why does my head hurt?"
He looked up and was greeted by bare skin. Not the strange rainbow of skin tones he'd been greeted with in that weird mirror either. An honest-to-God brunette with a pale body. He cocked his brow as he tried to remember the last time he'd been here.
"I know this is gonna make me sound bad, but what happened last night?" he asked.
"You were helping us decorate the Hearth's Warming tree," she replied. "But where are we now?"
Anon stiffened.
It was real?
"Starlight?" he asked, almost fearful of the answer.
"Who else would I be? Are you okay?"
"B-but… Y-you," he stammered before taking a few deep breaths and averting his eyes. "You're naked," he said simply.
"Oh, right." She looked herself over. "Humans and clothes." Her footsteps retreated and she returned a few minutes later, wrapped in the blanket from his bed. "Better?"
He looked up and nodded as she sat next to him.
"So what happened?"
"I don't know," he said. "We were practicing levitation and I dumped some snow on you. Next thing I know, we're here, in my old home."
"You mean Earth? The place with no magic whatsoever?"
He nodded. "The very same."
"So we're stuck."
"Yeah."
"Crap."
"Yeah."
She let out a sigh and leaned back. "So now what?"
He thought back to when he'd first been shanghai'd by the universe. "Well, housing is already taken care of. You'll stay here. So first things first, we need to get you some clothes."
ONE YEAR LATER
Anon stepped out onto the sidewalk and into the brisk December breeze, shivering as he made his way to his car. "Reservations: confirmed," he said to himself as he played with a small velvet box in his pocket. "Now we just need to get through Christmas."
He got in and started the forlorn little Honda, engine squealing in protest, and made his way back across town, hitting every possible stoplight on his route.
"Oh, rust and smoke, the heater broke," he sang to himself. "The door just blew away…"
He pulled into the apartment complex, wincing at each expensive noise the speed bumps made, and parked before heading inside. His limbs thawed in the warmth of the small abode and his heart melted as he saw something new.
Starlight reached up, hanging the last ornaments on a plastic tree before spotting him. "Welcome home," she said before turning and hugging him.
He wrapped his arms tight around the mare woman.
This is more difficult to unlearn than my own damn language.
He pulled back and stole a kiss before taking a moment to admire the gentle swell of an early pregnancy that had taken over her belly. "How often do I tell you how beautiful you are?" he asked.
"Only every time you look at me," she said before stealing a kiss of her own.
"Good. I'd hate for you to forget it."
"What do you think of the tree?" she asked, turning around in his grasp. "Since we're stuck here, I figured we'd try celebrating the way you humans do."
"It reminds me of when I was a kid." He turned and looked at the rest of the apartment. "Hey, uh, when did we get a fireplace?"
She followed his gaze to the new hole in the wall. "That wasn't there five minutes ago."
A small comet of light raced from the opening and over to the tree before transforming into a bearded man with a red coat and bag. He bent over and started pulling festively wrapped packages from the back, one of which seemed much too large to have fit.
They watched in shock. The legends had all been wrong. Santa was apparently about eight feet tall and built like a wet noodle.
"D-Discord?" Starlight was the first to speak. "How did you get here? How do you still have magic?"
Discord stood up and a snapping sound came from within his hat as it touched the ceiling. It fell to the floor with a pair of broken horns inside. "Only the same way you did. I used my magic. As for me keeping what's mine," he said, licking his finger – Claw? Talon? – and holding it up as if to test the wind, "the reason you don't have any is because this world is stretched too thin. It's really been giving Loki a hard time."
"Wait, you did this to us?" Anon asked.
"If by 'this' you mean 'put you both in a situation where you two would take the next step', then I suppose I could take credit."
"We've been here a whole year!" Starlight shouted. "And you're saying you could've picked us up at any time?!"
"Be honest," Discord crooned with more than a hint of self-satisfaction. "Would either of you have actually admitted yourselves to each other?"
"Yes! Maybe…!" she replied, suddenly uncertain. "Alright, fine. Probably not."
Anon just shook his head 'no'.
"See? Oh, I'm so proud of me. I did the friendly thing and helped."
The two of them just gawked as words failed them.
"Well, I must be off. I told my brother I'd help him with delivery this year. Apparently three billion cookies in one night is too much appreciation. Tata!" With a flash, Discord zoomed back the way he came, though the fireplace remained.
Anon picked up the hat the creature had left behind. Inside was a note and his two horns.
When you're ready to come back, gather your things and my horns will see you safely home.
"Well, looks like we're not trapped anymore."
"You're WHAT?!" Twilight shouted. "How can you be getting married?! You two haven't even been on a date!"
Starlight giggled, hoof wrapped in Anon's hand. "Should we tell her about the other thing?" she asked him.
"Oh, you mean about how you're three months pregnant with my kid?"
Twilight looked between the two of them, eyes wide as she sputtered and tried to form a sentence. After several attempts in only a few seconds, she fell out of her chair, comatose and twitching.
"Wedding's on Thursday, Twig. Hey, Spike, can you make note of that so she doesn't forget?"