Self-Inserted

by AtomicClop

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Porn, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Moondancer
Length: 2180

Twilight gets stuck in Moondancer's erotic fanfiction. Escaping will be a pain in the ass.

Twilight gets stuck in Moondancer's erotic fanfiction. Escaping will be a pain in the ass.

Kinks/triggers: Yes.

From a brainstorming session with Steel Quill. Prereads by Steel Quill, Graymane Shadow, Samey90, and RDT.

Published 2021-12-28 18:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-28 18:10:01 UTC

Suspension of Disbelief via Horny

"Moondancer!" Twilight snapped. "What did you do?" Twilight looked at herself. She was a crudely drawn illustration, as was Moondancer.

"Uh-oh," Moondancer said. "I think I accidentally got us stuck in my book."

"This is a Haycartes' method spell!" Twilight's horn sparked. "The counterspell isn't working."

"...yeah," Moondancer said, bright red patches of what were probably blush appearing on her cheeks.

"Why isn't the counterspell working, Moondancer!"

"This book, might, uh, well..."

Twilight looked around. "What book is this, anyway? I thought I'd read everything in the library."

"This isn't a library book," Moondancer said.

"Well, that's a statement that could go fifty shades of wrong," Twilight said flatly, cocking an eyebrow.

"It's a book I'm, well, writing. Wrote? It's just a few revisions away from being done."

Twilight squeed and danced. "You wrote it? That's so great! A history of magic? A study of the arcane mathematics of higher-order polynomial spells? What is it?"

"I am working on a history of magic," Moondancer said, blushing brighter, "but this, um, ah, is a novel."

"Oh! How nice!" Twilight said. "What's it about?"

"It's, well, it's about a bookish unicorn mare who doesn't have many friends..."

"You have friends!" Twilight snapped.

"It's not a self-insert," Moondancer huffed. "She's a fictional protagonist!"

"What's her naaaaaame?" Twilight said, in a teasing, singsong tone, flaring her wings and waggling her butt.

Moondancer mumbled.

"What?"

Moondancer fidgeted in place before answering. "Star Prancer, okaaaay?"

Twilight turned a laugh into an unconvincing cough. "Wait—you never actually answered why the counterspell isn't working. Why are we stuck in the book?"

"This book was written to be experienced only by Haycartes' method. We have to get to the end of the story and then it'll toss us back out of its own volition."

"Oh no," Twilight gasped, spinning in a circle. "No no no no no. This is Spike's 'Power Ponies' comic all over again!"

"What?"

Twilight wrapped her hooves around Moondancer's throat. "What sort of novel is this? If you say 'superhero,' so help me, I will—"

Moondancer looked Twilight in the eyes and choked out, "Erotic!"

Twilight held the grip for an extra second longer before letting go."...Oh."

"Yup."

Twilight stared at Moondancer. "And my character?"

"Gigue." Moondancer pronounced the Prench as jig.

"A gigue is a dance very similar to a minuet," Twilight noted all too casually.

"Please don't tell Minuette?" Moondancer pleaded.

"What's chapter one in this story?" Twilight said.

"Very simple," Moondancer said. "Gigue, who's a dentist, anesthetizes a stallion and Star Prancer ruts him."

"Oh, hey, I'm not okay with this," Twilight said. "And how does one even rut an unconscious stallion?"

"Gigue only watches and, uh... rubs off."

Twilight blinked. "I'm sorry, what."

Moondancer poked her forehooves together. "This book might be, well, Wonderbolts fanfiction. For all the chapters except the last, Star Prancer fucks one Wonderbolt stallion after another while Gigue just watches and gets more and more horny. Well, in Chapter Eight, Star Prancer might get spitroast by Thunderlane and a mirror-pool Thunderlane, so two stallions?"

Twilight asked, took a deep breath, her belly sinking, and asked, "...and in the final chapter?"

"Chapter ten?" Moondancer explained about Chapter Ten.

"I'm not a lesbian," Twilight said. "I don't do... that."

"Gigue is, though."

"I would like to leave the book now," Twilight growled.

"Then you better find your inner lesbian, 'Gigue'."

Seventy-eight thousand words later, Moondancer/Star Prancer and Twilight/Gigue stood in front of the castle that contained the final obstacle to their escape. Well, Twilight stood there. Moondancer’s hind legs were wobbling worse than Rainbow Dash in cider season.

"Who's this?" Twilight asked.

"Ow," Moondancer said. "I'm going to take the cervical penetration out in the next draft."

"Gallus isn't even a Wonderbolt," Twilight observed.

"And the catlike dick barbs. Ow, ow, ow. Next draft, out."

"I'm not sure I approve of how you wrote Gallus still living in my School's dorm. How old was he supposed to be?"

Moondancer mumbled indistinctly.

Twilight shook her head. "So will this last chapter be where I get tagged in?"

Moondancer nodded her head.

"Are there dickbarbs?"

"No."

"Is there cervical penetration?"

"No."

“Whipped cream and mismatched socks?”

Moondancer grinned sheepishly. “No.”

"Pity. So what horrible surprise am I in for?" Twilight said.

"Do you, uh, like anal?"

"Hmmmpf. Sometimes. Depends on the stallion. Who's going to be going up my butt?"

"The character is named... Flyin'."

"Flyin'," Twilight deadpanned. "If Dash finds out about this, she will murder you."

"Actually, I interviewed her. That's how I know he has a birthmark under his foreskin."

"Which will be in my butt."

"Only if you want out of the book."

"So it will be in my butt."

"Yes," Moondander said.

Twilight sniffed. This was chapter ten. Moondancer had spent thousands of words describing the smells of the nine previous stallions and, especially, the smells of the different stallions' ejaculate. The melange of scents coming from Moondancer's—Star Prancer's—well-used vagina were shockingly real; indeed, more real than any scents Twilight had previously experienced in the real world, the smell far more forward and distinct than any such smell outside of the book. Twilight had friends-with-benefits arrangements with several stallions—Thunderlane, Davenport, Doctor Hooves, Sunburst—and she knew what cum actually smelled like, and it wasn't this. "Why so much word count on the cum smell?"

"So, when we were in school, and I roomed with Twinkleshine, and the morning after she had a date, her bedsheets..."

"Did you smell the wet spot in Twinkelshine's bed?"

"Then, I, uh, took a nap on it."

"WoOooooOoow."

Cum dripped from under Moondancer's tail, making a large puddle on the stone walkway. Needless to say—since it was porn—no amount of drippage actually reduced the amount of aggregate cum inside her. She seemed to have a bottomless vagina of cum. A vag of holding. Was this porn, or Ogres and Oubliettes?

"I hope you're hungry," Moondancer asked.

"Moondancer, I swear to Celestia—"

There was a soft ding-ding sound, like two tiny brass bells ringing.

"—Moondancer, I just heard your nipples get erect."

"Look, this next part is really hot."

"The part where I have to eat nine stallions' cum out of you."

"Well… yes."

"Does Minuette have any idea you like her, Moondancer?"

"No. Please don't tell her."

Twilight wasn’t sure what to make of it that Moondancer had no qualms in taking on the entire Wonderbolt roster unprotected, yet one childhood friend stopped her in her tracks cold.

The castle door opened and Soarin'—Flyin'—whomever—stood in the doorway. His cock hung beneath his barrel, already so erect it projected out past his nose.

"No stallion has the blood volume for an erection that size," Twilight said.

Moondancer fanned herself with a hoof. "Look, my disbelief is suspended."

"Can you please just do this step?"

"I honestly can't," Moondancer said. "In the story, as written, Gigue has to eat all the cum out of Star Prancer while Flyin' rails her ass."

"Did you write her as having lube, at least?"

"She's a dentist."

"If you say 'toothpaste'—"

"So," Flyin' said, gesturing for them to enter, "You two have arrived."

"That doesn't even sound like Soarin's voice," Twilight complained.

"Flyin'."

"I really don't want to do this, Moondancer," Twilight said.

"So," Flyin' said, gesturing for them to enter, "You two have arrived."

"He's just going to keep repeating that until we go in," Moondancer said. "The story can't move forward."

They entered the castle which was a bare, gray space. "Five thousand words about how painful Gallus's dickbarbs were, and none for how the castle was furnished?"

"Sue me," Moondancer said, flopping on her back and propping herself up on her elbows.

"Not even a futon?"

"Ew, I don't like mare penises."

"Not futa! Futon. A thin mattress!"

"Next draft," Moondancer said. "Promise."

Twilight laid down on the stone floor, between Moondancer's rear legs, and was momentarily grateful that Moondancer hadn't described the cold or the hardness of the stones.

Then Flyin' hopped up on her back, mounting her, and slid his cock in—

"Hey!" Twilight said, half-surprised and half-pleased. "I thought he did my ass?"

"He does your vag first," Moondancer said. "Don't worry, Gigue is as wet as she can get from watching Star Prancer get all the bareback creampies over the last nine chapters."

Twilight clenched herself down on Flyin's enormous dick. She was, indeed, very wet. "Well, thank goodness for small favors."

He slid in, the shaft longer than a pony's torso easily fitting into her, its tremendous girth lighting a fire in her belly and pleasure washing up her spine, into her head, the sensation better than any sex she'd previously had before in her life. He started pumping that enormous slab of stallion meat in and out of her. Twilight's eyes crossed and ears perked up as she came instantly, squirting copious marejaculate all over Flyin's huge shaft.

"Moondancer! Did you write me as easy?"

"No, you just like sex and have a short fuse."

Twilight came again.

"Okay, yes, I wrote you as easy."

Twilight screamed, cumming hard once more as he fucked her merrily. She started slamming her hips backwards, getting into the rhythm.

"If you want out of the book... get eating," Moondancer whispered. "Before he cums, you have to make me cum!"

Twilight closed her eyes, counted to ten in four different languages, and licked Moondancer's pussy. The taste of nine stallions' cum exploded across her tongue and into her sinuses, and Moondancer promptly squirted into Twilight's eyes.

"Is that biologically possible?" Twilight asked, wiping away marecum.

"It's in all the porn I've read." Moondancer moaned and her magic crammed Twilight's face deep against her pussy. Twilight choked, gasped, and then started licking up between Moondancer's pussy lips and up into her channel. The taste wasn't like cum but actually rather more pleasant than real cum. Almost savory, not too salty, and it mixed well with the bright honey flavors that flowed from Moondancer's pussy. Twilight's entire face was matted and sticky with the sharp-smelling (but good-tasting) cum and Moondancer came again, squirting into Twilight's eyes once more.

Twilight liked stallions and had never actually been with another mare before. Given the general inaccuracy of Moondancer's writing about every other aspect of sex, she doubted really going down on a mare would be like this experience, but Twilight wagged her tail and dug in, enjoying herself. She, too, came again and again as Flyin' rutted her with his impossibly large member, the sensations of her own channel being filled with stallion meat driving her into a high peak of pleasure as she licked and swallowed wad after wad of cum from Moondancer's pussy, Moondancer cumming continuously, the two mare's eyes locked together as Moondancer panted.

"I love you, Minuette!" Moondancer said.

"We'll talk about that when we're baaaaaAAAAAACCK!" Twilight screamed as Flyin' crammed his dick from her vagina to her ass. "What the fucking fuck!"

"Sorry, that's how it's written!" Moondancer panted, her pussy clenching and spraying another load of thick marejaculate that hit Twilight in the left eye.

"What the hell! You said there would be lube!"

"I did not! Gigue's a unicorn dentist! She casts 'novicorn' on herself!"

"Are you fucking kidd—if sex is a pain in the butt, you're doing it wrong!" Twilight screamed.

"Spell! Spell!"

Twilight's horn discharged—there seemed to be all kinds of discharge today—and the novicorn spell quelled the pain of Flyin' rooting her canal.

Flyin' came, an unreasonably huge load of cum filling Twilight like a water balloon as he thrusted deep into her.

She glared up at Moondancer. As Twilight opened her mouth to make a snarky comment, Moondancer shot another huge wad of marejaculate, this one going down Twilight's throat and making her cough and choke.

And with a flash of magic, they were out of the book, back in the living room of Moondancer's house.

Twilight turned in a circle, looking at herself. No injuries, no cum, no blood. No smell, no tastes in her mouth, no girl cum in her eyes. Moondancer, too, was clean and neat.

"Moondancer..."

"I'm sorry, okay? It was an accident."

"That's not what I'm mad about. I love books and always enjoy Haycarte's spell."

"Then... why are you mad?

"It was biologically inaccurate!"

Moondancer's magic pushed her glasses up her nose. "What?"

"You're a virgin and wrote that based on other bad porn written by other virgins."

"I... you... no comment."

"I'm getting you laid," Twilight said. "Sunburst, I think. He's actually a pretty good fuck. And I'm watching while he does you to point out everything your book did wrong. In fact, before that, you're watching me and Sunburst have a go."

Moondancer looked at her forehooves, her face blushing. "Okay."

"But first!" Twilight said. "Into the bedroom, now. I have no idea how accurate the pussy eating scene was and we can find that out right this minute."

Author's Note

Twilight is friends with Davenport because they test out his futons (in a fashion Moondancer wouldn't like).