Too short to post. Too good to forget.

by alt-tap

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 8588

A bunch of little things i made.

This is a compilation of all of the stories I made, or helped make, that are too short for their own post.

This will never be "Complete", I will be adding to it whenever I have a good Idea and the time to write it down.

Anything that's not [random] [comedy] will have the tags on top of the story.

(rated teen cause I'm a sufferer of modifobia)

Published 2012-09-13 23:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-26 19:05:46 UTC

Just make it up

"Twilight, Twilight!" Pinkie cried in alarm, dashing through the door of the Golden Oaks library.

"Pinkie, what's wrong?" Twilight replied, nearly dropping the dictionary she was busily rereading.

Pinkie inhaled deeply, Twilight had a bad feeling about what she was about to say. "I was having a tea party with Fluttershy and Rarity." She reared up and began to shout and gesticulate wildly, "when a bunch of dragons appeared and Fluttershy screamed really loud and hid under the table and Rarity started yelling for Spike for some reason and then Rainbow Dash and Applejack showed up and did some kind of silly dance and then they said FUSION at the same time and exploded and this huge super-rainbow-apple-pony appeared and what does kerfuffle mean?" Pinkie fell back to all fours and stared expectantly at twilight, apparently expecting any of that had actually made any kind of sense.

After several seconds Twilight's brain finished grinding to a halt and rebooted. "Wait, what?"

"What does kerfuffle mean?" Pinkie repeated as if the rest of her rant had never happened.

"Ookaaayyyy." Twilight replied, looking through the dictionary she just happened to have open to the beginning of 'K' and trying to pretend the other thing never happened. "lets see... Huh, it doesn't seem to be in here. that's odd," she looked up and searched to shelves for another dictionary.

"I was gonna ask Rarity," Pinky said, entirely unable to just wait quietly, "Cause she was the one that said it, but she fainted on her magic chaise longue."

Twilight found her query and pulled it from the shelf. "This one covers more of the foreign words used in modern Equestrian." she provided to her, partly wrapped in attention partly detracted by something that may or may not have actually been real, pink friend. "Oh, here we go; Kerfuffle: a disorderly outburst, disturbance, commotion or tumult."

Pinkies eyes brightened with understanding "Oh! Wow, thanks Twilight. I think I have a new favorite word!" she chirped with excitement. "Say, you said that book was a bunch of foreign words right?"

"Well, not as such," Twilight corrected, "but it says this one come from either Dun or Roan. Those are both north of Trottingham by the way."

"Neato!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Who made it up?"

"You don't just make up a word, Pinkie," Twilight chastised, annoyed that Pinkie would think something a significant as language could just be made up.

"Oh. Well then where do words come from?" Pinkie asked with a puzzled expression.

That gave Twilight pause. Where do words come from? She pondered for a long moment. When she came out of her revery, Pinkie was about a centimeter from her face. Fortunately, Twilight had gotten somewhat used to her friends antics and managed to keep her reaction down to squeaking and falling onto her rump.

"Your so silly, Twilight," Pinkie giggled. "So did your smarty brain tell you where words come from?" she leaned closer to Twilight as she spoke.

"No, Pinkie, it didn't" Twilight replied, rising back to her hooves. "How about this, I'll send a letter to the princess and see if she knows, okay?"

Pinkie gasped, floating in the air for a moment. "Your gonna ask the princess for me? Wow, thank you, Twilight." Pinkie started bouncing in a circle. "I feel so supper special; I get to ask the princess a question!"

Twilight snorted and made that one face. Her horn began to glow. "I'll come find you when she responds." then pinkie was outside.

Dear Princess Celestia,

As you know, I have always tried to find the answers to life's persistent questions. Today, Pinkie Pie presented a question that I, even after all the things I've seen and learned, could not answer. so i put the question to you, for I can think of nopony, save you and your sister, who would be likely to provide a satisfactory answer.

Where did our language come from?

Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.

Twenty seven minutes latter. -

My faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,

I'm glad you asked, it's actually quite a funny story.

A few thousand years ago, the three pony nations depicted in the hearths warming story were all trying to decide who's should be made the national language of Equestria (They all spoke different languages you see). It was getting to the point where Luna and I feared it may start a war so we decided to make up a new one and say it was how "royal ponies" spoke. Immediately the nobles of the three pony nations begged us to teach them, so we did, and they declared it the national language as soon an they were fluent, and that's how contemporary Equestrian was made.

Your loving mentor, Princess Clestia.

P.S.
If you are interested in learning the original languages of the three pony nations, I would be happy to teach you.

Twilight stared at the paper for a long time. "It's all just made up? But, it cant, what... I'm just gonna take a nap."

"Whats the letter say, Twilight?" Pinkie asked entirely to loudly.

Twilight leaped back. "Pinkie, how did you fit under my pillow?" she asked, hyperventilating. "Why were you under my pillow!?"

"Um..."

The jar is empty...

"Oh, no. No no no no NOO no! This cant be happening." Twilight Sparkle frantically rummaged through the fridge. "Spike, come here, I want you!" she shouted as loudly as possible, shaking some leaves from the branches of her library tree.

A few second and a muffled thud latter Spike came running through the door, one claw covering a bused eye. "Whats, huh, wrong, Twilight?" he huffed, trying to catch his breath. "Did Pinkie steal all our spoons again or something?"

"Spike," The frantic mare said, levitating an empty jar in front of her number one assistant, "its empty!"

"Um, yes. Yes it is," Spike confirmed dryly. Only then did he happen to read the label. "Raspberry..." he said thoughtfully. "Wait, we're out of jam?" The tension in his voice reached new heights as he realized the implications of the situation.

"Yes, Spike. We're out of jam," Twilight replied, panic in her eyes.

"A-Are you sure?" Spike began to shrink away from the jar in terror.

"Yes, Spike. I checked the entire kitchen eleven times," Twilight said, setting the jar down on the counter. "One of us is going to have to go to," she gulped and the kitchen seamed to darken, the light trying to escape what was about to be said, "Hew's jelly shop."

Heart stopping delight

[Shipping] [Sadish]

Rarity awoke slowly. Something was wrong, desperately wrong. Her lungs hurt and she had a fierce headache. She inhaled slowly, painfully. She coughed.

"Doctor! Doctor, I think she's awake!" It was Spike's voice.

Rarity opened her eyes. She was in the hospital.

"Spike? What's going on?" she asked, fear in her voice.

It was the doctor who answered, "I'm afraid you're suffering from severe smoke inhalation." he informed her matter of factly. "Little Spike here rescued you from your boutique before it burned down. Its a good job he is fireproof" At that Rarity was about ot blow a gasket. The whole boutique? burned down?

Rarity gasped in terror. "Wait, where's Sweetie Bell?"

"She's fine, she's fine," Spike reassured her. "I saved her to." He took Rarity's hoof in his claw. "Everything is gonna be fine. I sent a letter to Celestia and she said she would cover for all of the merchandise and everything; the new boutique is already under construction. You can stay with me and Twilight until its finished. Sweetie Bell is with your parents already."

Rarity's eyes began to moisten, "You really thought of everything haven't you Spike," she said, caressing his cheek.

Spike blushed, "Well, Twilight thought of most of it."

"Spike," Rarity began with a loving smile and gleaming eyes, "you saved my life, and my sister's to. You're my hero, Spike. My dragon with shining scales."

Spike looked into Rarity's eyes and saw what he had wanted to see ever since he first laid eyes on her, love. Her eyes were shining with pure, honest love.

"Anything for you," he paused, swallowed hard and steeled his mind. Its now or never Spike. "my love."

Rarity leaned in and kissed him. It was not one of those 'Oh, you're so cute' kisses, nor was it a kiss one gives to a fole along with a cookie. This was the kiss of lovers, the kind that says 'I want to be with you forever'.

Spikes heart stopped...

Spoon Quest!

[normalish] [psychedelic adventure] [happy] [romantic ending]

(^That needs to be a real tag.)
(Reading by Duplex Fields)

"So long, Davenport. Have a nice day." Rarity said, waving her hoof in farewell before bringing her list of the day in front of her and checking off 'three dozen quills'. "Okay, I have the quills, the milk, horn polish, new pillows... Spoons? Why do we need spoons?" She starred in confusion for a few seconds, wondering if she perhaps misread it, but eventually gave up. "Oh well, spoons it is."

She trotted through the town with Spike's red wagon in tow full of all the somewhat random things Twilight had asked her to get, spirits higher then usual. Am I actually getting used to all this? she wondered, magically adjusting the childish hair clips in her entirely-to-short mane so it would grow back at the right angle for her favorite manestyle as she passed the construction sight that would eventually be her new boutique. Well, I got used to Pinky in less then a month so I guess its not that strange.

"Hi, Miss Rarity!" the head construction worker hollered in his not quite foreign accent from what would be the roof of the building.

"Good morning, Bob." She replied, stopping mostly just to be polite. "How is the construction coming?"

"I'll have it up in no time, ma'am," he assured her with a completely friendly totally non flirtatious smile. "My name is Bob the builder after all."

"Ha ha, so it is," she laughed. I wonder if hes gay? I should ask him out to tea some time after all this is over as thanks. "Thank you gain for your hard work, by the way; it does mean a lot to me."

"De nada, Rarity," he replied in his strange, mad-up language. "It's no problem," He clarified, returning to his work.

"By," Rarity said, resuming her shopping trip and adjusting the hairband in her tail. At least i managed to get my coat back to the right color. All things in time a guess.

"Good morning, Daisy," she called to her friend as she entered the market square. "Your roses look marvelous today."

"Thanks, Rarity. I see your mane is growing back nicely," she replied with a friendly smile. "I like the clips, they're cute."

"Yes, well, thank you," Rarity replied, brushing her hair back with a hoof, embarrassed to be complemented on waring her little sister's accessories. "Oh! Can I get a bouquet of eleven dark pink roses, pleas?" she asked, walking over to Daisy's rose cart. "I want to thank Twilight for her hospitality."

"That sounds like a lovely idea!" Daisy gushed, clapping her hooves together and doing that sparkly eyes thing.

"If I recall, eleven roses is six bits, yes?" Rarity queried, fetching her purse.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Rarity," Daisy said, waving a hoof dismissively. "It's on the house today."

"Are you sure?" Rarity asked, taking the proffered roses in her magic tentatively.

"Of course!" Daisy insisted. "You're my friend, and you're having an extraordinarily hard time. I want to do everything I can to help brighten up your day!" she asserted with a smile.

Rarity couldn't help but smile at her friends enthusiasm. "Well it is certainly working. Thank you, Daisy. I'll treat you to lunch or something once I'm back on my hooves," she offered before waving goodby and continuing on her way "Have a nice day!"

"You to, Rarity."

Rarity made her way to Copper Pot's Kitchen Wares, parked the cart by the steps and walked in. The door chime announced her entrance and gave Rarity a moment of nostalgia for her old shop. Oh, how i miss that sound, she thought to herself. Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where everythi- She was cut off by an excited, and obnoxiously loud, greeting. She had apparently closed her eyes at some point and they snapped open.

"Rrarrity, darrling! So verry nice to see you!" Copper Pot hollered in his rustic, northern accent that Rarity so loved to hear, emerging from behind one of the many shining, brass and copper displays in the somewhat cramped showroom. "What can I do forr you today? My daughterr hasn't been giving Sweetie Bell a harrd time has she?"

"Oh, no no. Little Silver Spoon even offered to share lunch with her yesterday," Rarity assured him. "She has been surprisingly friendly of late."

Copper laughed a deep rumbling laugh. "She's prrobably lonely with Diamond out of town with herr fatherr," he suggested. "So, did you come all the way herre just to chat, orr do you need something?"

"As much as I love talking to you, I am actually here to get something," she retrieved the shopping list and scanned to the relevant line. "I need... fourteen spoons. They're for twilight if you know if she likes any particular stile."

"Spoons ey." He looked down and rubbed his head with a hoof. "I'm afrraid I'm out, sorry."

"Well darn. Do you know of anywhere else i could get them?" Rarity inquired, a little puzzled.

"Well, you could trry Anvilight's forrge down by the rriverr," Copper suggested. "That's wherre i get most of my materrials."

"That's the house with the waterwheel isn't it?" she asked rhetorically. "I'll go see if she can help me out. Thank you ever so much for the advice, Copper," she said, turning to leave. "It was nice talking with you, ta ta."

"I will see you latterr, Rrarrity!" Copper called, never one to allow anypony else to get the last word.

Rarity hopped down the steps with a song in her heart. Everypony in town was so friendly. How could she have actually wanted to live in Canterlot? It was a nice place to visit or vacation, but Ponyvill would always be her home.

It was still before noon so Rarity felt no need to hurry. She walked through the town at a relaxed pace, chatting with nearly every pony she passed along the way. I wonder if this is how Pinky feels all the time? Maybe I should make a habit of this.

Eventually she came to the house by the river. It was a large structure, a bit larger then the average house in town and had a third story on top. The waterwheel turned at a sedate but steady pace. The wood was worn but well maintained. smoke and steam rose from a large covered area off to the side containing the forge. The proprietress, however, was nowhere to be seen.

Rarity approached the building cautiously. something about it seemed eery, not quite dangerous, but just a bit off. It's no worse then Zecora's, she reminded herself, and she is quite neighborly. Mustering her courage, she stepped up unto the porch and knocked soundly on the door.

A few moments passed uneventfully. "Is anypony home?" Rarity called from the porch, looking around. A nearby hill lit up in the sunlight in a most pleasing way and the wind made waves in the grasses of the meadow that was the front yard. Looking out from the house there was no eeriness at all, just serenity.

A brief sound of splashing brought her back to earth. a pony emerged from around the side of the house. She was an earth pony, slender but with obvious, toned muscles. her wet, green coat shimmered in the sunlight and water dripped from her, much darker, silky smooth mane which was draped across one side of her face and hung nearly to her knees. Her tail dragged on the ground behind her, it reminded Rarity of Fluttershy's, but dark, dark green rather then pink. her eyes were a striking shade of golden yellow and had a wisdom behind them that didn't seem to fit her youthful face.

"Hello," she said, brushing her mane behind her ear. her voice was smooth and light as a summer breeze and Rarity felt drawn in just by the single word. "Did you need something forged?"

It took Rarity a good ten seconds or so to remember why she had come down here in the first place. Snapping back into reality she shook the fuzziness out of her head and managed to speak. "O-oh, um, yes. Yes I do," she stammered. "I need... Oh, what was it?" She tapped her horn with a hoof, trying to remember.

"It's okay, take your time," the green pony said, lying down in the sun and closing her eyes.

Rarity took the strangers advice and took a moment to center herself, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. Finally feeling clear headed she opened her eyes and looked up. The other pony was lying on her side looking at her with a whimsical smile, her luxurious mane and tail spread out on the grass to dry.

"Spoons!" Rarity remembered, suddenly standing tall. "Yes, spoons. Ponyvill seems to be suffering from some kind of spoon shortage. Copper Pot, the kitchen wares seller, suggested I come ask Anvilight since I cant find any in town." she recounted. "Am I safe to assume that you are she?"

"Spoons?" The other mare inquired lazily from her spot on the grass. "Oh, what a curious town this is." She rolled onto her back, sprawling her legs lazily. She closed her eyes and licked her lips before opening them again to look at Rarity upside down. "Aye, I am the light of the forge; craftsmare and smithy. And you are?"

Rarity was taken aback. Had she really forgotten to introduce herself? "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, where are my manners. I am Rarity, the, ahem, former proprietress of the Carousel Boutique, up in Ponyvill."

"Oh, yer the one!" Anvilight said, rolling to her hooves and standing up. Rarity was, again, stunned by her beauty and gracefulness. "I heard what happened, sad story that. Breezies can be hard to handle, tis true. Especially the young ones."

"B-breezies?" Rarity repeated. "You mean like from those old bedtime stories my great grandam would use to frighten me when I was a foal?" she asked, taking a step forward. "You're not suggesting such creatures actually exist, are you?"

"Suggestin..." Anvilight nearly whispered, giving Rarity a squinty look. "Ponies don't know..."

"I'm terribly sorry, am I missing something," Rarity asked. she was starting to get that eery feeling again and raised a foreleg reflexively.

"An awful lot I'm afraid," Anvilight said, walking up onto the porch and opening the door. "Come in. I've much to tell, and it's all important." She led Rarity through the house to a sitting room overlooking the river. "Would you like some tea? Changing a life with not but stories can take quite a time."

"Excuse me, Miss Anvilight, but what do you mean by 'changing a life?" Rarity inquired, watching her host trot into what could be assumed to be the kitchen, unease gripping her gut.

"The kettle is on," Anvilight informed her as she returned and took a seat on a couch and gestured to another. "Please, have a seat, and consider what you wast to drink. I recommend something soothing," she adjusted herself and tossed her hair over the back of the couch. "Oh, and just call me Anny. I don't much enjoy formality."

Rarity cautiously settled into the offered couch, trying to stay calm. "So what is this all about?" she asked nervously.

"It seems you've run afoul of your neighbors without even known they were there," Anny said, her muzzle raised in amusement and licking her lips again.

"And what neighbors do you mean, exactly?" Rarity asked, still rather nervous. "I like to think I'm in very good standing with my neighbors."

"All in good time, lass." Anny said, waving a hoof to dissuade and further interruption. "First, what tea would you like?"

Rarity couldn't help but notice that, wile her hostess's coat had dried, her mane and tail still dripped with river water. the water fell through the tiny cracks between the floorboards and she could just make out the sound of the droplets striking the surface of the river.

She snapped out of her daze, realizing she had been rudely staring again. "I'm terribly sorry. I would like..." she trailed off as she realized there was a steaming cup of tea sitting on a table just in front of the couch she occupied. "Oh."

She floated the tea to her muzzle with her magic. It smelled of sweet cottonwood and pine with a hint of peat smoke. Tentatively, she took a dainty, lady like sip. The taste was like nothing she had ever experienced, she would perhaps describe the taste as that of a nap in the deepest corner of the serenest forest, or a the gentle summer breeze full of the smells of all the flowers in the Westmarelands. Her mind began to clear immediately, as if the tea were caffeinated but without the energy boost that would have brought.

"Oh, oh my," she gasped, her breath condensing into clouds despite the warm, summer air. She could feel a warm tingling spreading through her body. The tea was infused with some kind of magic, similar to the stress relief tea she had been getting from Zecora since the fire, but much, much stronger.

Anvilight smiled and took a sip of her own tea. "Enjoying your tea?"

"Quite," Rarity said breathlessly, lifting her gaze to the strange, green mare across from her. On the way from teacup to pony her eyes discovered a multitude of things she had previously missed. The couch upon which the wet pony lay was completely dry, the water simply rolling off and onto the floor. the book shelves were double thick, a second layer of tomes hidden behind the first. swirls of arcane mist floated between her horn and the cup.

She took another sip and the warm tingle redoubled. she could see ghostly swirls lifting from Avilingh's head, brown and yellow and green, the colors of the earth. Within the swirls were impressions, ideas. Oh, my stars! those are her thoughts!

"Are you ready to listen, Miss Rarity?" Pay close attention, Anvilight said and thought, clearly aware of the effect the tea was having on Rarity. "We will begin with a story you may be familiar with," The Pegasus and the Changeling.

"Okay," Rarity replied weekly, having difficulty speaking with all the new sensations this tea was forcing into her head.

She proceed to recount numerous stories and fables, and even a ballad, that Rarity's great grandam loved to tell her when she was young, but when this pony told them they felt different, some words were switched and the emphasis were moved. What Rarity knew as a story of a pegasus bedazzled by a manipulative and malicious changing became a tragic story of lovers spurned by overprotective parents, what was a terrifying tail of an evil pooka destroying a village became a mournful fable of a war spawned by discrimination, and the ballad of night terrors abducting foals that made Rarity unable to sleep as a foal became a heartwarming story of Luna building a secret paradise under a mountain for foals during the last pony war so they could know something other then suffering.

After the thirteenth story and seventh cup of tea Rarity realized the sun was nearly on the horizon. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry," Rarity said, not realizing the room had been quiet for the better part of five minutes. "I have to get back home; Twilight will be worried sick."

"I understand," I was done anyway, Anny agreed politely. "One more thing before you go, though." The real reason you're here, She called out the window in a strange language Rarity couldn't place and a tiny, blue coated, butterfly winged pony flew in and alighted in the coffee table. "This is Bitterlight," My good friend from the south, she said, gesturing to the adorable little creature. "She's the breezy you found yourself at odds with." Tantrum.

"O-oh. I-it's, ah, it's a plesure to meet you, Bitterlight," Rarity fumbled with her words for a moment. "I am Rarity, though I suppose you likely knew that already." Her great granny always described them as ugly and evil little monsters, but the creature, no, the pony that stood before her on the table was beautiful and wore an expression of shame, like a foal who knew she was about to be reprimanded by her parents.

The breezy fluttered her glassy wings and stared at her tiny hooves. "Um, hi," She's so big, she squeaked, reminding Rarity of her first encounter with Fluttershy. "I'm sorry about your house."

"Well, I suppose the first thing I need to ask is why," Rarity asked, trying to be as nonthreatening as she could. "Why did you do, what ever it was you did that started the fire?"

The little Butterfly pony shuffled her hooves for a moment and glanced back at Anvilight before mustering the courage to continue. "Well, you stole my favorite ruby out of my tree."

Rarity took another sip of tea before speaking. "Hm, I cant exactly give it back now. Everything in my house was destroyed." She paused to take another sip of tea. "Although I would say I came out much the worse in this particular exchange."

"How about this," I'm getting hungry Anvilight interjected. "You can forgive Bitterlight for her overreaction and she will grant you a miracle, does that sound fair?" Dang, I'm out of tea again.

Bitterlight looked up at the wet maned mare behind her and rarity watched as a thought drifted around her head. I can use miracles to apologies?

"What sorts of miracles?" Rarity inquired with interest, raising an eyebrow and taking another sip of tea.

*****

Rarity awoke slowly. Celestia's morning sun warmed her back and she hummed contentedly, snuggling closer to the pillow between her forelegs. The pillow mumbled and snuggled closer to her in return. It took Rarity a good twenty seconds to realize that pillows are not meant to mumble and snuggle closer to you or produce their own heat. Not to mention that her last memory was of speaking to an imaginary fairy pony and a pony whose mane seemed to never dry.

She opened her eyes and gasped. Spike lay curled up in her legs, entirely alive and murmuring little nothings in his sleep. Rarity watched as shards of dream lazily faded around his head and he awoke.

Spike yawned and stretched. Rarity sat up and deposited him in her lap, cradling him on her hind legs and hugging him. Tears of joy trickled down he face and dripped off of her muzzle.

Finally Spike blearily opened his eyes. "Mh, morning Twi-" He stopped, noticing a distinct color difference from what he was expecting. He looked into her eyes and Rarity saw every thought in his head, every memory he had, and, more then anything, she saw the deep, endless sea of love he had for only her.

"Rarity?" Am I dreaming? he whispered as he tried to proses the situation. The fire flashed through his mind, the mad dash through a collapsing building dodging heavy beams falling from the sealing and leaping over wholes in the floor, giving in to his baser self to tear a wall clean off so he could rescue his beloved Rarity. "What..." Wasn't I dead? The hospital flashed into his mind, images of burnt flesh and smoking scales, the entire staff scrambling to save a national hero, and then the kiss.

"It's okay, Spike," Rarity whispered to him. "Deep breaths, that's right." Rarity held her tiny prince close, basking in the warmth of his dragon fire and stroking his head. "How would you like to go have breakfast together, hmm?"

"OTTOMAN!" Twilight shouted at the top of her lungs as she attempted to leap out of bed. Unfortunately she had been sleeping upside down and become thoroughly entangled in the blanket before flailing her way off the bed with a thunk. "Ow."

"Twilight," Pinky wined, "why did you steel the covers?" I already gave you back your spoons.

"Huh, I guess burning my house down was worth more then one miracle." Rarity said, entirely done with being surprised about things.

The Great and Powerful Mackintosh

Big Macintosh strutted through the barn, head held excessively high. A big, blue, star-studded wizards hat sat on his head, perfectly matching the cape draped over his back. In his head the only thing louder then the fanfare and fireworks was the cheers and applause of the audience consisting of ponies from all around Equestria, and even some from beyond. With every step as he strutted across his imaginary stage his cape fluttered dramatically, accentuating his perfect masculine physique. Every few seconds a mare would faint and need to be carried off.

When he reached the middle of the stage he stopped and struck a pose, causing several more mares to faint in awe. Fillies and colts cheered in glee as fireworks shot from behind the stage.

"Behold!" he shouted, accidentally speaking out loud, "The Grate and Powerrr..." He was yanked out of his fantasy by a shout, a squeak and two thumps in the hay by the ladder to the loft.

He looked nervously over at the hay bales he was supposed to be taking up to the loft. The one on top was slightly askew and there was a small cloud of straw hanging over where the thumps had been.

After several nerve wracking seconds Apple Bloom's head popped up from behind the misaligned bale. "Mac, if you tell anypony ya found me and spike in the hay loft, I'll tell everypony ya like ta prance 'round in stolen mare's cloths in front o' the doll ya stole from Twilight," she said with a remarkably Fluttershy like glare.

Spike struggled to figure out which way was up in the sea of hay he found himself in. After finding the ground, thereby determining he was headed down, not up, he tunneled through the hay in a semi random direction. Eventually he emerged from the the hay and was met by a most abnormal sight: Big Macintosh, dressed as Trixie, next to Twilight's Smartypants doll.

"Nope," Mac pronounced decisively, spinning on the spot and trotting hastily out of the barn, "Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope..." he continued, his voice fading into the distance.

Spike watched the door, wondering what exactly he had just witnessed, until Apple Bloom dropped down in front of him. "You okay, Spike?" she asked, leaning in entirely to close for Spike's comfort.

"Ya..." Spike relied uncomfortably, glancing to either side. Apple Bloom leaned closer, ever so slowly closing the gap between them, and closing her eyes at the same time, as if she was going to...

A groan came from the base of the ladder. "Wrong universe!" Spike exclaimed before frantically tunneling back into the hay as fast as he could.

"Apple Bloom?" Spike groaned from the bottom of the ladder, clutching his head where it had hit the ground.

Apple Bloom stared at the hay for a long time, trying to figure out what just happened. "Am so confused," she finally managed as spike emerged from behind the bales. It was only now that she realized the spike in the hay was an ever so slightly darker shade of purple then her spike, and had ever so slightly sharper looking spines, and all manner of other differences that nopony who hadn't spent so much time looking at him would notice. "Ah need a nap."

Deep in the hay Spike finally found the gate to Other Space that had brought him here. Okay, how does Pinkie do this? Before he could finish his thought a stray mote of moonlight illuminated a patch of bright pink in the mass of blond hay. "Thanks, Luna," he said, grabbing hold of the pink. "Okay, pinkie, lets go."

"Spi~ke!" Rarity called from the mane room of the Golden Oaks library that was serving as her temporary home. "Spike, its almost time for dinner! Where are you?" She was starting to get worried, it wasn't like Spike to forget about one of their dates. "Oh, I hope he's not in any kind of danger," she muttered to herself, glancing around the room anxiously. "Maybe Twilight can find him for me."

On her way to the shared bedroom, beyond which was the balcony on which Twilight was currently reading something not at all romantic or interesting in any way, Rarity stopped, a nearly imperceptible scraping caught her attention. Her ears perked and spun in different directions to narrow down the location of the tiny sound and she followed it back to the mane room. behind Twilight's lectern on the bottom shelf she found a small inscription of ancient unicorn hieroglyphs. Her understanding of her ancestral language was a bit underdeveloped, but she could make out the symbols for Light, Passage and Hidden.

She illuminated her horn so she could see better, but it didn't help, she still couldn't read the inscription. As she stared she began to notes little fuzzy sparks of energy flowing through the words, familiar looking sparks. "Tea," she stated, standing and trotting swiftly to the kitchen. "I need some tea." She hadn't had a cup of tea since last night and the effects had nearly worn off.

She entered the library's modest kitchen and magically lifted the tea and press from their cupboard and the kettle from the stove. With a bright flash of magic the water was hot and the tea was steeping. After a few minutes finely manipulating leaves, twigs and something she couldn't identify and wasn't sure she wanted to, the tea was ready, and she transferred it to a mug and carried it over to the shelf that was making the strange sound.

Taking a comfortable position lying on her belly she drank deep, closed her eyes and took a moment to center herself, taking her time with the now familiar earthy, spring taste of the faery tea. When she opened her eyes and looked at the hieroglyphs again she saw the thoughts and memories of the moment of their creation.

An ancient unicorn with light green coat and mane scrawled unknowable secrets from a large book with a golden chisel. Birds chirped and danced in the warm summer breeze. A voice rang out like a laughing stream in the dreamscape of memory. "Grandmother Clover, thine supper grows cold. Wouldst thou not join thine own family at the table? The high Sun herself bade us rest after our migration, to defy-"

"In a moment, child," The elderly mare replied with a voice like autumn breeze through the bows of a willow tree. "This, too, is by the word of the goddesses."

Somehow Rarity found the answer to the inscription in that memory, perhaps feeling the intent as it was being made. She cast a simple light spell on the glyphs of Passage and Light, in that order, and a small, hidden door opened in the back of the shelf.

"Okay, Spikie, this ones yours," Pinkie said, depositing her pudgy, purple passenger on the shimmering orb of thoughts and memories that comprised the universe he was from.

"Thanks, Pinkie. You're a life saver," the little interdimensional spelunker replied with a wave.

He watched her zip away into the endless garden of realities and took a moment to gather himself before allowing himself to sink into the mercurial miasma of everything beneath him. I think that's enough interdimensional travel for, like, forever, he thought as he reconstituted in his reality once again.

Once he had fully rematerialized he took stock of his surroundings: nothing. On further inspection he discovered that it was simply really dark, and cramped, and upside down, with his knee jammed into his chin making it hard to breath, let alone call for help. Aw crud, did I end up in one of the long forgotten secret compartments in the library? With a snort of green flame he confirmed his fears, so he did the one thing he was really capable of in his tangled position; he scratched at the wall with his one free hand.

After what felt like hours, but was in all honesty probably about six minutes, the wall he was scratching miraculously opened and spike tumbled out into the library, and onto Rarity's forelegs, where he found himself propped upside down against her chest.

"How did you ever manage to end up in there, Spike?" Rarity asked with a mellow smile, magically righting him and floating him into a nuzzle.

"Long story, I'll tell you about it at dinner," once I figure out what actually happened, he replied, returning the nuzzle and hugging her neck. "I'm just glad its over." Glimpses of his travels flashed through the air: fields of many colored lights, each one a world unto itself, realities that could have been cast adrift from neglect, and Big Macintosh behaving in a most curious way.

"Well, I'm sure you had quite the adventure getting caught in a millenia old trap for interdimensional interlopers," Rarity said, lifting Spike onto her back and trotting towards the door, "but we'll be late for our reservation at this rate, so we should get going." Maybe i should just have this tea every morning...

We Built This City

Manny! Dios mio, Manny, she's talking to us! Pay attention!

What? oh for the love o. why did we have to use your name? I'll never get use to this!

Hay, this wasn't my idea, pendejo. That blue space horse said we can't have our bodies back or go home until this building is done.

But why did we have to be in the same dang horse body!?

I don't know! Look, you have the mouth today, for whatever reason, so use it before she gets suspicious!

Rarity watched the thoughts rising from her eccentric friend's head impassively. The autumn breeze ruffled her mane in a rather pleasant way. It was growing in quite nicely, her mane that is, and her tail as well. She could smell just a hint of honey suckle and ash on the wind and managed to catch a glimpse of three breezies playing something resembling tag around the beams of her future home. Well, that certainly explains a lot about him. She waited patiently for Bob, and apparently Manny, to finish bickering with... themself. Hee hee, Twilight would love nitpicking over that word.

"Oh, hi, uh, Rarity," How did I forget her name in two dang seconds? why can Bob swear in spanish but I cant swear in english!? "Uh, Bono's nachos, eh, good morning." Stupido! It's 'buenas noches', but that means 'good night'. You say 'buenos dias' for good morning. Actually, no, don't even try spanish. They said with a terrible mockery of Bobs 'spanish' accent.

"Its okay, Manny," Rarity said calmly. "I was just passing by and thought I would say hello." She smiled at him... them... whatever, trying to seem as nonthreatening as she could. Celestia knows she wouldn't want to cause him any more stress then they already had already been through, them having been astrally extruded into a strange new body and world recently and all.

"Eh- wa- how did you?" Eh- wa- how did she? ¿Cómo carajo? Clearly, he were both utterly flabbergasted.

"Oh, I can see your thoughts," the friendly marshmallow horse replied with a smile. "Don't worry, I'm mostly sure nopony else can. Well except the princesses, maybe. Oh, and the fey, but mostly just me."

Manny and Bob just stared at her for several seconds. They weren't even thinking, judging from the lack of thought bubbles. "Well... I'll see you two latter then; give you a chance to gather your collective thoughts, as it'were. Ta ta."

I don't like this town Bob.

Ya...

Big news

Rarity was looking forward to her weekly spa appointment even more than usual. Sweetie Belle was a wonderful little sister, but her strange propensity for accidentally burning things, even things that shouldn't be flammable, could be downright withering at times.

As Rarity pushed the spa door open Roxie, the mohawked spa receptionist, looked up from a fashion magazine and smiled. “Morning, Rarity,” she said cheerfully. Then she noticed the faint discoloration in Rarity’s mane and the blackened tips on some of the hairs. Her smile turned from sweet to sympathetic. “Sister trouble?”

Rarity sighed and placed a small pouch of bits on the counter. “Rather more sister-centered combustion trouble,” she clarifyed. “I do so love my sweet little Sweetie Belle, but ever since she grew into her magic it seems to be a fire a day, if not more.” She shook her head a little, her frazzled and partially scorched mane flopping limply. “I’ve managed to convince spike to keep an eye on her, at least until she gets a handle on the fire starting, but I am truly at my wits end!”

Roxie closed the bit drawer with a catching, safely securing Rarity’s money. Her supportive smile held fast. “Well, I can’t say I really understand,” she said, taping her hornless forehead, “but it sounds like I should schedule an extra long hot soak and some mane die. The twins will be ready for you in a moment, feel free to take a seat in the waiting room.”

“Thank you, darling,” Rarity said, moving towards the doors to the next room.

Beyond the door she saw Fluttershy lounging on one of the wood framed couches reading a periodical about healthy eating. “Fluttershy, darling! How lovely to see you!” she exclaimed, taking a seat across from her friend. “I didn’t realize you were back already. How was your excursion to the Bongo Bason?”

Fluttershy folded the corner of the page she was on and placed the magazine on the coffee table. “It was lovely, thank you,” she said. Her serene smile seemed nailed to her face, as if she had discovered the meaning of life and was just about to share it. “Sorry I didnt tell you when I arrived. I thought it would be more fun to meet you here so we could talk.”

There was something different about her friend that Rarity just couldn't quite exactly put her horn on, and it was bugging her. “All is of course forgiven.” Her mane was the as long as always. She seemed a bit more ‘at peace’ than usual, but that could easily be the lingering excitement from her recent three month jungle safari on the other side of the world. “Tell me about your adventures. I would just love to hear about such an exotic local.” Her wings were no larger or smaller than before, though wing size probably couldn't change anyway, Rarity reminded herself. She was still the same shade of yellow. She was just as thin… no, no she wasn’t. Either Fluttershy had somehow shaken the skinny bug or she was…

Rarity gestured to her friend's belly with a hoof. “Fluttershy, are you?..”

Fluttershy blushed and, as the name implies, shied away a bit. But her smile became a grin and she nodded ever so slightly.

Rarity sat up straighter and struggled for words for just a moment. “W-well congratulations!”

“Thank you.”

“So who is the lucky stallion?” Rarity asked excitedly, inches from falling off her couch. “Is it sompony I know? Ooh, was it a mysterious jungle pony who swept you off your hooves with his primitive charm and whisked you away to his tree house to show you the true depth of his affection?”

Fluttershy giggled quietly at Rarity’s little story. “That was... awfully detailed.”

Rarity laughed. “Well I have to do something when I’m sitting in a hot tub for an hour and my best friend is out having an exciting and apparently very sexy adventure. So who is it? I’m just dying to know?”

Fluttershy shied away even more and took a deep, calming breath. She knew she would have to tell everypony about it eventually. That didn’t make it any easier, but she had planned on telling Rarity during the spa appointment anyway. She took another deep breath and smiled at her friend. “It’s Discord. The wedding will be in about two months.”

It was not a graceful fainting that overtook Rarity at that moment. She did not dance from her couch, hoof on her head, to dramatically fall onto another couch. Or slump daintily onto the armrest. No.

Her brain stopped working, her body lost feeling, and she blacked out.

Author's Note

Fireproof

Heat permeates my body, Soaking through my scales like water through cloth. Slowly I wake, my eyes open and my lungs fill with smoke. My body is covered in ash and soot and a cough sends it swirling through the air. All I can see in the darkness is scorched bricks and blackened wood, embers still glowing.

“Twilight?” I call through the impenetrable darkness. “Rarity?” They can't be far, and I need help.

I call for them again, but still I get no reply. Owlowiscious, too, is nowhere to be seen, useless bird.

I shift my weight, carefull not to disturb the smoldering debris around me, and get to my feet turning so I can see better. A shape is moving through the gloom, coming cautiously closer. The soft glowing of the coals reveals a white coat and mauve mane. Celeste blue sparkles spread from a pale horn to light the room and Rarity gives me a confused look.

“I sleepwalked into the fireplace again,” I explain, mortified by the situation and the fact that it was Rarity who woke first. “Could you magic me to the bath so I don't get soot all over the library please?” I ring my claws nervously while the situation slowly soaks into her sleep fogged mind. I try to smile but it isn’t working very well.

Without a word she lifts me in her magic and carries me to the bathroom. “Thanks,” I say as she lowers me into the tub and turns the knob. Cold water gushed from the faucet, but quickly turns warm, them hot. “I’m really sorry I woke you, Rarity. This isn’t a common problem, I sware. It only happens whe-” Soft, supple lips end my rambling. The kiss lasts but a moment, but it’s more than enough for me to know I’m not in trouble.

She licks her lips and fiddles with her mane. “Oh, will you look at that,” she says in a conniving sort of tone. Her hair must have brushed me and now there's a small spot of soot on the edge and the curl is slightly damp with bath water. Both blemishes are highly precise clearly deliberate. “I guess I need a bath now too.”

My life is awesome.

The chicken, the bomb and the tree.

Thunderous laughter filled the Golden Oaks library.

"Ha ha ha, I didnt realize you were so funny, fluttershy," Twilight Sparkle remarked. "Oh, my sides hurt."

"Your next Pinkie," Spike said from is spot entirely to close to Rarity.

"Okay, okay," The cotton candy pony picked herself up and wiped the tears of laughter from her eyes. "So, a unicorn walks into a bar. The barcolt says, 'Hay there. you look," She paused as everypony listened intently, "horny."

Everypony except Twilight and Rarity fell to the floor laughing. Rarity stuck her nose in the air and huffed.

Twilight just stared. "I don't git it," she said in utter befuddlement.

"Horny, Twi," Applejack provided. "Yu' know, cuse you got a horn and your..." she tried to hold the giggle in until she finished her explanation but failed catastrophically, falling into a new bout of painful hyperventilation.

several seconds of giggles/confusion latter spike recovered enough to pick the next jokester. "Alright, Rainbow your next."

"Oh, gees, um," Dash tapped her hoof on her chin in thought. "Okay I got one. Why did the Chicken cross the road?" she paused briefly. "To try and get frog cutiemark!"

Silence prevailed for several awkward seconds, save for near inaudible giggling from Fluttershy, before Twilight spoke up. "Rainbow, you shouldn't call Scootaloo a chicken, its really mean," she chided. "You know she actually has a medical condition don't you?"

"Wow, wow. chill Twi," Dash said, holding her hooves up defensively. "This has nothing to do with her wing problem. She lives in Fluttershy's hen house with Derpy."

Twilight was stunned; all this time she thought ponies called Scootaloo a chicken to make fun of her wings, but she lived in a hen house? "Are you serious?"

Flitter shy piped up. "Oh, yes. Scootaloo, Derpy, Rainbow and I have poker nights with the chickens on Fridays, you should come!"

"Um..." Twilight was at a loss, this was possibly the strangest thing she had ever heard and Pinkie Pie had nothing to do with it. "Ok, why not, I'm free this Friday night. Can Spike come to?"

"Oh yay." Flutter shy clopped her hooves together. "I'll ask Henrietta to go easy on you, she can get a little competitive. Oh and Elisabeek is going to be joining us, to, i think." She squeed. "This is going to be so much fun!"

Dear Princess Sombra

Date: Post Lunar Banishment, 2.
Dear Princess Sombra,

I have come up with a way to contain that spiny crystal thing you found. It's a huge tower made entirely of crystal stairs. I think you'll quite like it. Unfortunately, your magic is so immensely powerful that we will need you to take a vacation until the project is finished. I hear Celestia banished her sister to the moon for a bit, and that she is single. Perhaps you could have a bit of fun!

The project planners insist we will need 998 years of invisibility for construction, and the accountants estimate a cost of around 18,000,000 rupees. (though I have no idea what those are.)

-Chief engineer, Sunshine Smiles Cadenza.

Date: plb, 29.
My second in command says he has a great idea for a creepy door that steals souls. I think I’ll put it in the basement.

Date: plb, 47.
Dear Princess Sombra,

We ran low on slaves and had to reroute the entrance to the stairs from your throne to the basement. Already had a door there, not sure why, routed it through that.

-Chief engineer, Sunshine Smiles Cadenza.

P.S.
Heard you turned into a giant fart monster. Sorry to hear that.

Date: plb, 81.
Dear Princess Sombra,

Sorry its pink.

-Chief engineer, Sunshine Smiles Cadenza.

Date: plb, 109.
Dear Princess Sombra,

Finished a touch ahead of schedule. Ended up consing 3 times what was projected. Decided to put a nice little spike trap on the roof, free of charge.

-Chief engineer, Sunshine Smiles Cadenza.

P.S.
Sorry about the moon thing, forgot she was evil.