Trottin' around the Christmas tree
Even though he would never admit it to his new best friend Fluttershy, Discord thought that being reformed was probably among the most unbearably boring things he had tried in his long life (and he had once briefly taken up knitting, when he was younger). Granted, it was marginally (and only marginally, mind) less boring than being encased in stone - he could finally deploy some of the hilarious jokes he had thought up during his thousand years of imprisonment, for example - but still some days Discord wondered if this whole ‘benevolence’ thing was really worth it.
It had only been a few short months since Celestia had taken him to Ponyville and placed him into the custody of a certain shy yellow pegasus. At the time, Discord had assumed she would be a pushover - a pony that he could manipulate and control like all the rest. Somehow, though, she had managed instead to control him, ending up filling a special hole in his heart that he didn’t even know he had.
Aww.
Now, Fluttershy was the only thing keeping him on the straight and narrow, and keeping his handsome features from being turned back to granite. Every time he felt inclined to let loose and indulge in his favourite pastime of unravelling the very laws of nature itself, he would think of her upset face and disappointed scolding and he would sigh and decide to remain good, at least for one more day.
If he did ever slip up, Discord only had to knock on her door, at any hour of the day or night, metaphorical (or sometimes literal) cap in hand. She would say, “Oh dear, why don’t you come in and tell me all about it?” and offer a sympathetic, non-judgemental ear as he recounted how he had made a filly’s pet dog grow six feet high, or transformed the rain in the Cloudsdale Weather Factory into lemonade and gummed up all their machinery, or accidentally turned the Statue of Friendship in Manehattan upside-down.
Fluttershy was a good friend like that.
But that wasn’t why Discord was coming to see her today. No, in fact he had been good as gold (or maybe even some rare, magical metal even more well-behaved than that) all week. He hadn’t destroyed any buildings or turned any animals into freakish abominations - and the only chocolate milk he had drunk was some he had bought, like some mortal who couldn’t just summon soft drinks at will, from a shop in Canterlot that Celestia recommended.
(It had been rather tasty though, and the look on the cashier’s face when the God of Chaos himself had walked through the door on an otherwise sedate Monday afternoon had more than made the whole experience worth it. Discord had pulled a pair of glasses out of nowhere and spent at least five minutes slowly reading and re-reading the fairly short menu, as though struggling to choose, while the poor mare had tried her best not to look completely panicked.)
No, the real reason Discord was coming to see Fluttershy just before noon on this freezing December morning was because, as mentioned, he was completely and utterly bored. He had tried completing a jigsaw puzzle (too many pieces), tried getting into the latest Daring Do book (he found the prose too pedestrian), tried baking bread (that one had been a complete disaster - he must have used some bad yeast or something, because it had sprouted legs and run away). Now, he was fully out of ideas - he just hoped Fluttershy would have something for him to do.
As he materialised in the centre of Ponyville, Discord glanced around his one-time Chaos Capital. It looked a little different to how he remembered - and not just because all the buildings were the right way up this time. Firstly, there was a fresh blanket of snow covering all the buildings and fields, largely undisturbed apart from on the main thoroughfares. It must have fallen during the night. Looking around, even Discord had to admit it made the town look very quaint.
But as well as that, Ponyville looked a lot more… decorated than usual. Many of the houses, he noticed as he walked, had candles, branches and holly wreaths in their windows and on their doors. In a few places, he passed under pegasi hanging brightly coloured garlands and bunting from the tops of the houses. Many of them stopped to stare at him, which he found a bit hurtful.
In fact, one pony - a grey mare with a blonde mane and mismatched eyes - was so distracted that she backed into a building and dropped the star decoration she was carrying onto the head of a unicorn stallion below. It stuck on his horn like some sort of strange ceremonial headwear and ended up taking three ponies to get it off. Discord found the whole spectacle hilarious. It seemed he was not the only being capable of causing chaos.
Continuing to walk, he idly wondered what the occasion was. Maybe the ponies had heard he was coming to visit, and wanted to show him the respect he deserved. No, probably not. More likely, Sparkle and friends had ‘saved the world’ for the sixth time that week and needed another party to show off.
Getting to the outskirts of town, houses and ponies became sparser and Discord found himself having to put real effort into traipsing through the heavy snow. He stopped and thought for a moment, until a lightbulb (yes - a real, actual lightbulb) appeared above his head as an idea hit him.
Discord clicked his claws and suddenly a four-foot-long column of fire shot out in front of him as several cubic metres of snow was vapourised instantly. “I call it… the ‘Snow Away’!” he shouted, even though there was nobody around to hear him. Discord did this a few more times as he walked forward, giggling madly. This was certainly one way to enjoy himself.
After a few seconds he stopped, looking down at the deep gorge he had carved in the snow. Discord frowned. The now-exposed path was all blacked and burned. Whatever grass and wildflowers might have been growing there, buried under all the snowfall, had been incinerated.
Discord’s frown only deepened as a nagging voice at the back of the head began to tell him that maybe he shouldn’t be doing this. He was sure he had never heard this voice at all until he met Fluttershy. Ugh - what did ponies call this killjoy? Conscience? Discord thought it was something to file under ‘pony inventions I could do without’, along with the Elements of Harmony and canned cheese.
“Ugh, fine!” he exclaimed eventually. “I suppose Fluttershy wouldn’t like it if I accidentally burned down the Everfree carving a path to her house anyway. I’ll just do this the old-fashioned way.” He began to take a few heavy steps through the snow, but it just wasn’t the same without his fire lance. He soon gave up.
“I mean really - shouldn’t this town be hiring somepony to keep the roads clear? I thought I would make an effort and walk to Fluttershy’s, and this is how I’m repaid. Alright, I’ll do this the old old-fashioned way. I should have just done this to begin with.”
Discord clicked his claws and de-materialised, reappearing in the same moment inside Fluttershy’s cottage. The sight cheered him up immediately, and he began to forget all the day’s annoyances so far.
Helpfully, at that moment a new annoyance appeared in front of him.
“Discord!” shouted a pegasus who definitely wasn’t Fluttershy. “What are you doing here, huh? Come to cause trouble?”
Discord tried not to let her get to him, for Fluttershy’s sake. This was one of her friends, after all. “Oh hello there,” he said cheerfully. “Why, it’s…” He tapped his chin, as though struggling to remember her name. “It’s… the blue one.”
“Rainbow Dash,” she said. “You should remember - I helped turn you to stone before.” She smirked smugly and crossed her hooves. Discord just shrugged.
“Hey, I’ve been turned to stone on several occasions, I’ll have you know. I can’t be expected to remember the ins-and-outs of every single time.”
Before Rainbow Dash could offer some sort of retort, Discord heard the sound of soft hoofsteps from behind him. He whirled around, smiling when he saw his good friend Fluttershy enter the room, then scowling when he saw who was with her. Twilight Sparkle - Celestia’s pet. Discord harrumphed - what were all these other ponies doing here?
“Discord!” Fluttershy exclaimed, happily. “What a nice surprise! I didn’t know you were dropping by today.”
“Well, I was in the neighbourhood and thought I’d say ‘hi’,” he said. He nodded to Twilight, then to Rainbow. “I do hope I am not interrupting anything?”
Twilight looked as though she was about to say something, but Fluttershy answered first. “Oh no,” she said. “We always have time for a good friend like you.” Her two friends looked decidedly less convinced, but Fluttershy smiled very genuinely and Discord decided to take her at her word.
He looked around the room - more decorations, like the ones he had seen while wandering through Ponyville, hung in the windows and from the ceiling. A moderately-sized pine tree had been squeezed into one corner of the room. Rainbow sat next to it with boxes of tinsel, baubles and candles scattered around her.
“What are you ponies up to, anyway? I know you like trees, Fluttershy dear, but don’t you think this is a bit much? Those pine needles will get everywhere.”
“Don’t be silly, Discord. I’m not keeping it in my home permanently - this tree is for Hearth’s Warming.”
“Who’s that?” he asked. “I swear, these pony names are getting weirder and weirder.”
Rainbow gave an exasperated sigh. “It’s not a pony, it’s… Hearth’s Warming! You must have heard of Hearth’s Warming, dude - it’s the best time of the year!”
Discord gave her an unimpressed look. “In case you hadn’t noticed, until recently I spent most of my free time trapped in stone, so forgive me if I didn’t have the chance to attend many holiday parties.”
That got Twilight to pipe up. “Well, if you’re interested in learning more, we have a first edition copy of Feasting, Festivals and the Formation of Equestria: A Brief History of Hearth’s Warming at the library. You’re welcome to borrow it.”
“Erm… maybe later. I’m still working through the latest Daring Do,” he said. “Can’t you give me the abridged version? What is this tree for, exactly?”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “It’s for decorating, of course!” She gestured to all the boxes around her on the floor. “See? You put tinsel on it, and these things, and lights and candles.”
“Oh, I see,” Discord said. “Well, if it’s for decorating, I can have a much more impressive tree than this mangy-looking thing in here in an instant.” He lifted up his claw, ready to click. “I think you ought to stand back though, unless you want a pine tree in your flank. I’ll try to make sure this thing doesn’t go through the roof, but no promises!”
“Discord, wait!” Twilight exclaimed. “You can’t just summon a tree in here!”
“What, why not?” he asked. “It looks like you ponies did it.”
“No, no, you don’t understand. We cut this tree down ourselves and dragged it in here,” Twilight said. “It’s a fairly common Hearth’s Warming activity - it’s fun going out with your friends to select the right tree.”
“With friends! Well, now I know you’re lying,” Discord said. “Fluttershy is my best friend, and she didn’t invite me to any tree chopping.”
A guilty look came across Fluttershy’s face, and she suddenly found her front hooves very interesting. “Umm, you see…”
Discord huffed indignantly. “Oh, I see how it is. Et tu, Fluttershy? I’m hurt. I mean, really. Our friendship is strong enough that you will tolerate me for a spot of tea once a week, but not strong enough that you’ll invite me to the annual Hearth’s Warming pine tree murdering.”
Fluttershy tried to placate him. “No, no, it’s not like that at all! It’s just, I hadn’t heard you mention Hearth’s Warming even once, so I wasn’t sure if you’d even be interested in-”
Discord summoned a handkerchief from nowhere and began dabbing at his eyes. “No no, I understand. Really, I do. Why would you want old Discord to help you cut down a tree when you can have Celestia’s own Twilight Sparkle and Rainboom Crash over there.”
“Rainbow Dash!”
“Indeed.” Discord turned on his heel and began to walk towards the door. “Well, Fluttershy, I shan’t keep you any longer. Happy Hearth’s Warming.” He barely managed to choke the last words out. Slowly, he reached out his paw towards the doorknob.
“Discord, wait! Don’t go,” Fluttershy said. A smirk flashed across Discord’s face, which he tried not to let them see. “Sorry that I didn’t invite you to come select the tree with us; that was wrong of me. But we still have to decorate it! And it would mean the world to us if you would help - wouldn’t it, girls?”
They both mumbled some vague agreement, although perhaps with less enthusiasm.
Discord darted back across the room in one rapid motion and began vigorously shaking Fluttershy’s hoof. “Why thank you, Fluttershy, thank you! You won't regret this! Oh, it feels so good to be included.”
With a flash, he vanished then appeared behind Rainbow Dash, causing her to yelp. He dived headfirst into one of the boxes, throwing tinsel and baubles over his shoulder as he rifled through the items inside. “Ugly, tacky, junk, junk - say, where did you get this stuff from, Fluttershy?”
“Oh, well lots of it is stuff I bought when I first moved out of my parents’ house. The rest of the items would have been given to me as gifts. I think Rainbow got a lot of it for me when she first moved to Ponyville.”
“Pfft, I can tell. It would take a pony with a mane like that to think that some of this stuff is acceptable.”
“Hey!” Rainbow shouted. “And what makes you such an expert, huh?”
“Well, if you must know, back when I ruled Equestria with an iron hoof, I was quite the interior decorator. My castle won ‘lair of the year’ a record 121 times, keeping that slob Tirek out of the top five. The judges just loved all the floating and spinning furniture, as well as my innovative use of cotton candy as a building material!”
“Oh, that’s… nice,” said Fluttershy.
“Yes,” he said, tapping his chin in thought. “Maybe there is a way some of this could be spiced up, Discord-style.”
He picked up the first decoration he saw, a golden bell suspended from a piece of red ribbon. He smirked, clicked his claw and suddenly the bell had two eyes and a mouth.
“Wait, what did you do?” Rainbow asked, sounding slightly unsure.
“You’ll see” was all Discord would say. He was grinning like a madpony. The bell let out a little cough, then drew in a deep breath. It opened its mouth as wide as it could, and-
CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG
All the animals in the cottage, which had been quietly minding their own business until that point, started rushing around in a panic. Rainbow and Twilight had to duck as squawking birds and chattering squirrels flew over their heads and ran around their hooves. Fluttershy desperately tried to calm them.
“What do you think?” Discord shouted over the racket. “This is much more interesting than some cheap plastic bell that doesn’t even do anything!” Twilight and Rainbow just glared at him. “Fine, I see you’re not fans. Fluttershy, what do you think?” he said, trying to get her attention.
Fluttershy bit her lip for a second or two. “It’s… quite loud,” she shouted - or, the closest to shouting that she could do.
“Is it going to do that all the time?” Rainbow asked.
“No no, that would be silly! How would Fluttershy ever get any sleep?” Discord waved his paw dismissively. “It will just do it at random intervals. Do you like it, Fluttershy?”
“Umm…” was all she could say.
“Well then, I’ll get it on the tree!”
It was Twilight that finally stepped in. “Discord, no! This is meant to be a peaceful activity, with traditional Hearth’s Warming decorations. This - this is neither peaceful, nor traditional.
Discord looked between Twilight and Fluttershy for a moment. “Ugh, fine,” he eventually moaned. The bell stopped ringing, and returned to normal. “If you want a boring Hearth’s Warming tree, be my guest.” He leant over and placed the bell decoration on a central branch, about halfway up the tree, with an affected flourish. “There.” He stood back and admired his handiwork. “What do you girls think?”
“It looks… nice.” Fluttershy looked over as she continued trying to corral her critters back into their homes. Discord beamed at the praise.
“Yeah, well, that’s just one decoration out of, like, a thousand we have to get on there, so maybe we should hurry up a bit?”
Rainbow seemed to be getting a bit impatient, but Discord didn’t let that bother him. “Now now, Rainbow,” he said. “You can’t rush beauty. Perfection takes time. Canterlot wasn’t built in a day, you know.”
Rainbow just rolled her eyes and got to work hanging baubles and tinsel. Twilight and, eventually, Fluttershy joined in too. Discord hated to admit it, but he was actually quite enjoying himself. He hummed as he worked.
“Say,” he eventually asked after a minute or two of relative quiet, “what is this Hearth’s Warming holiday all about, anyway? I know you ponies decorate trees, but why? What is it in aid of?”
He could practically sense Twilight about to launch into a lecture. “Hearth’s Warming celebrates the founding of Equestria and the coming of harmony!” she said.
Discord dropped the decoration he was holding and it bounced off the wooden floor with an audible thunk. “The coming of… harmony? Ugh, why would you want to celebrate that?”
Twilight looked a bit confused by his question. “Well, it’s to celebrate the three pony tribes overcoming their differences and coming together to live as one nation. It’s to remember the prosperity and security that it brings us, as well as the dangers of conflict and disharmony. It’s to say thanks for-”
“Yes, yes, I get it,” Discord cut her off. “Harmony, friendship, ponies living in peace and sisterhood for evermore. But what’s to celebrate? I’ll have you know that, for me, being the God of Chaos, the formation of Equestria was actually quite a considerable threat to my livelihood!”
“Well,” Rainbow said, slightly indignantly, “for those of us who aren’t supervillains, harmony is something to be deeply thankful for.”
“Rainbow, please. I’m a reformed supervillain.” He placed his claw over his chest, trying to look very hurt.
“Yeah, whatever,” Rainbow said. “If you really think that harmony isn’t worth celebrating, maybe you’re not so reformed after all.” It sounded almost like an accusation.
“Now, Rainbow,” Fluttershy scolded, coming to his defence. “Discord just has a different perspective on things, isn’t that right?”
“Why thank you, Fluttershy. That is indeed correct. Sorry I don’t always share your values, but I am doing my best to fit in with you ponies.” Rainbow just rolled her eyes. “Why do you care so much, anyway?” he asked her.
“Because Hearth’s Warming is the greatest time of year! The food, the decorations, the presents - and the, y’know, harmony or whatever. So don’t be rude about it!”
Discord was about to continue being rude about it, but something Rainbow Dash had said caught his attention.
“Wait, presents? What presents?”
Fluttershy giggled. “That’s right. On Hearth’s Warming, you give presents to the ponies you care about the most. You wrap them in shiny paper, put them under your tree, and then on Hearth’s Warming you all gather and open them, together.”
“Oh, I see,” said Discord. He suddenly seemed slightly bashful. “And is that something good friends do for one another? Get each other presents for Hearth’s Warming?”
Fluttershy smiled. “Of course it is!”
Discord knew he should find the whole thing stupid, but he found himself quite excited at the idea. “So you’ll be getting a present for me?”
“What would you even get for Discord?” Rainbow asked. “Surely his whole thing is that he can summon anything. I can’t imagine there’s anything more he needs.”
“Oh, Rainbow Dash, please.” Discord’s smile didn’t let up. “Sure, I could summon almost any object. Sure, I could snap my fingers and fill this whole house with presents if I wanted. But if I did that, there wouldn’t be any joy in it. Do you know why?”
Rainbow scrunched up her muzzle in confusion. “Why?”
“Because they wouldn’t be from Fluttershy, of course! Why is it that I seem to understand this ‘friendship’ thing better than you ponies?” He turned to face Fluttershy. “I will have to make sure I pick something spectacular in return, to show you how well I know you.”
Fluttershy blushed. “Oh Discord, you don’t have to make all that effort…”
“Nonsense, Fluttershy! I won’t hear it! I shan’t be out of the shops between now and Hearth’s Warming until I have found the perfect gift for my best friend.” He clicked his claws and his arms suddenly filled with empty tote bags. “And gifts for my other friends, of course,” he said, staring at Rainbow Dash.
Hmm… for that one, I’m thinking a Wonderbolt’s jersey full of itching powder. No, too juvenile. A Zebrican stink beetle? Or are they endangered? Oh, so many possibilities!
“Well now, if we’re done with the tree, it would seem I have some shopping to be getting on with.” He turned to leave.
“Actually, I think we’re only half done,” said Twilight. “We haven’t even started on the back yet.”
Discord tutted and rolled his eyes. “Honestly Sparkle, never satisfied.” He clicked his claws and the remaining contents of the boxes of decorations appeared on the tree, somewhat haphazardly. He smiled as he inspected his work.
“It was good to see you, Discord,” Fluttershy said. “And will you be joining me for tea on Thursday?”
“Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Now - ta ta!” As he clicked his claws and disappeared again, Discord thought about what he could possibly get Fluttershy to show how much their friendship meant to him.
Matching t-shirts possibly? Or a dinnerware set with his face on each item? Surely she would like that.
As Discord continued to consider and discount various gift ideas, at least one thing became clear in his mind. Despite all the questionable harmony stuff, he was really looking forward to spending his first Hearth’s Warming with his new best friend.
