Derp Of The Daleks

by Quoterific

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Science Fiction, Comedy, Derpy Hooves, Doctor Who, Crossover, Doctor Whooves
Length: 2806

Time is running out for Equestria as one pony stops a ship coming towards the kingdom's atmosphere

Inspired by the fanart Dalek
By mysticalpha

With some unexpected guests, his trusty TARDIS, a faithful companion and his witts, the Doctor find himself in a precarious situation on board a ship above the kingdom of Equestria. It's what onboard this ship that makes the Doctor realise that it's a race against time to save the kingdom of Equestria before the ship arrives.

Can he save Equestria from this alien threat?

First crossover experiment for me, but I hope you enjoy it.

Published 2021-12-29 12:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-29 12:40:00 UTC

Guards, Spaceships and Aliens, Oh My!

Run.

That was the only thing there was to it.

No distractions. Just place one hoof in front of the other and look straight ahead.

Time was all that was needed. Just slow it down in your mind and concentrate. When the odds are against you, that’s the best odds you have. When you see that light at the end of the tunnel, you reach out for it. This was one of those chances. Right here. Right now.

The Doctor had one thing on his mind, and that was to save the planet. He didn’t want to be praised or worshipped; he just wanted to do a good deed for the sake of many and move on. Nothing more, nothing less. Right now, right here and now, he just wanted to save the planet. No plans, no backup, no weapons, just save the planet the best way he can. Here, in the present, he was going to stop the darkness from coming and shed some light.

The good thing is that he wasn’t alone in defending the planet. Not today.

"What’s the plan, Doctor?" His faithful companion flew beside him. The grey pegasus with wonky eyes and bubbles for a cutie mark looked down at him from above, "The Daleks are onto us! We can’t run like this forever!"

From behind them, an explosion could be heard. They were gaining on them.

"My legs are killing me," A grey stallion pegasus with a white and blue mane and tail said with a grunt.

"When I stumbled upon you and your friend, I never imagined that I would get myself into this mess," A red pegasus stallion panted from behind them, "Is this really what your life is?"

"We’re currently being chased by one of the most dangerous threats in the universe, with explosions right behind us and complete random strangers running beside me? If that doesn’t sum up my life in a crazy nutshell, then I don’t know what will!" The Doctor called from behind him. That made the two guards annoyed.

"Doctor, be nice," Derpy persuaded from above the group.

"We’re not strangers! We have names, you know!" The pegasus with the blue and white name shouted.

"Sorry, I kind of deleted you from my mind," The Doctor said, as if it was completely normal for him, "I just find names to be a distraction when I’m trying to save a planet."

"It’s Steady Lance and Swift Sword," The red stallion pointed to himself and then to his comrade, "What were you even doing in Canterlot? How did we even get here? All I remember was a big blue box."

"Great, as if those names won’t be confusing sometime later," The Doctor rolled his eyes as they continued to run down the corridor. "I love a castle, all fancy and arty with its architecture. I thought I would go around for a nice walk with Derpy here-"

"Hello!" Derpy waved to the guards.

"-Next thing I know, the TARDIS sounded the cloister bell, a warning alarm if you don’t get it, saying that something was happening above the planet’s higher atmosphere. What I didn’t take account of was for two castle guards to stumble into the TARDIS or the fact that the threat was an approaching Dalek fleet ship. There isn’t a manual for uninvited guests, which there should be!"

"We were patrolling the ground as we were told when we saw this TARDIS of yours," Swift Sword explained. "We were checking for anything amiss on the ground."

"Well, remind me to park my TARDIS somewhere secluded then, or maybe the perception field is waning," The Doctor pondered out loud.

"Well, we stumbled in, then you and Derpy showed up in your mad, bigger-on-the-inside TARDIS-"

"My TARDIS is not mad, it’s brilliant!" The Doctor scolded.

"It’s weird," Steady Lance countered, "One thing led to another, and now we’re here, stuck on what you would call a spaceship, being pursued by Daleks, and if what you claim is true, trying to invade Equestria."

"INTRUDERS HAVE BEEN IDENTIFIED! THE DOCTOR IS ON BOARD THIS SHIP! SEEK! LOCATE! EXTERMINATE!"

"They seem to know you a lot, Doctor," Derpy said as she flew as fast as her wings could flap.

"I have somewhat of an ugly history with them," The Doctor said as they skidded to a halt as a group. The Doctor found a storage area and ushered them all inside, just in time for several armoured tanks to go past them.

"And what exactly is a Dalek?" Steady asked in a whisper. The Doctor’s face turned cold as he turned towards the guard who asked the question.

"Forget the Queen Chrysalis and her Changelings, forget Discord, and forget Nightmare Moon or King Sombra from your planet’s history," The Doctor told him, with a serious expression on his face, "Yes, I read through the castle’s library, though I wished it could have a shop next to it. Anyway, a Dalek is something far worse than you could possibly imagine. A cold mutated creature, trapped inside a colder metal armour. And like the creature and the metal they are in, they are both heartless. Heartless in a sense that they despise all other lifeforms apart from themselves. Anything that isn't a Dalek is wrong in their minds, and their minds alone."

"That’s horrible," Derpy gasped as she put her mouth to her hooves.

"Not to a Dalek," The Doctor turned to her companion, "And now they're branching out, and Equestria has become their next target. The next place to assist in their goal of becoming the new masters of the universe."

“They are really the worst muffins to come out the oven,” Derpy gasped again.

“Or even this universe,” The Doctor agreed.

"We have to warn the Princesses!" Swift hissed, causing the Doctor to turn to the guard.

"Do you think their magic could stop the Daleks? You think they can hold them back long enough?"

"They’re some of the most powerful beings in Equestria," Steady countered with a glare.

"And from what I’ve seen, your technological advances don’t seem to stand a chance against the Daleks," The Doctor argued back.

"It’s magic we’re talking about here," Steady added.

"Any advanced form of technology is indistinguishable from magic, and any advanced form of magic is indistinguishable from technology," The Doctor quoted.

"What?" Swift looked confused.

"It’s called Clarke’s Law," The Doctor shrugged, "The case is this: the Daleks will stop at nothing with their tech to overcome your magic."

"So this is it then? It’s up to just us to stop them, whilst every pony down below is unaware that some threat is hanging above their heads?" Steady argued.

"Would you want to draw panic to your citizens when they hear that there’s such thing as aliens?" The Doctor countered.

"Fair point," Steady muttered.

"The best thing we can do right now is is stop them from entering the lower atmosphere, then they can launch their smaller fleets and do some proper damage," The Doctor explained his plan, which Derpy picked up on.

"We’re going to go out with a bang?" Derpy eyes sparkled.

"We’re going to go out with a bang!" The Doctor declared.

"Wait, you mean-" Steady said but was interrupted.

"Yep! When I say bang, I mean bang," The Doctor answered simply.

"Are you mad?" Swift’s eyes went wide.

"Glad you just noticed I am," The Doctor quipped, "Derpy, you’re a quick flyer. Can I put you in as a distraction?" Derpy looked at him with worry.

"Can I say no?"

"No."

"Yes then."

"Thank you," The Doctor smiled before turning towards the guard.

"But still no," Derpy muttered.

"Swift you and I are going to head down to the engines, which every spaceship has. Using a very clever thing I call reversing the polarity, we are going to push the Dalek ship’s fuel and energy into itself, collapsing the warp drives in on itself and then it’s goodbye Daleks," The Doctor explained to the royal guard, who nodded.

"And what about me?" Steady asked with a hoof raised. The Doctor simply smiled and placed a hoof on his shoulder.

"Steady, I am tasking you with a very important task that guards do best at," The Doctor smiled. The red stallion’s eyes lit up.

"You will be guarding the engines for me," The Doctor said, causing Steady’s smile to drop and form a scowl.

"Right, every pony got that? Everything must come together perfectly for this to work perfectly!" The Doctor warned.

"Like baking the perfect muffin," Derpy hungrily answered.

"Like baking the perfect muffin," The Doctor copied, "Wait, what?"

"Let’s just save Equestria," Swift hurried, and the group went their separate ways, Derpy flying close to the ceiling as she ventured deep into the ship’s corridors, and the Doctor and two guards making their way to the engines. Eventually, they made it down, dodging Daleks patrolling the winding corridors.

"Right," The Doctor patted Steady on the shoulder, "Remember what I told you?"

"Yes, guarding," Steady rolled his eyes.

"There’s a good guard," The Doctor cooed and ushered Swift into the engine room.

"Guard the door, always guard the door," Steady muttered to himself, "All those years of guard training for this."

Meanwhile, the Doctor and Swift were in the heart of the engine room.

"Bypass the second valve through here, creating the warp fracture to reverse in on itself. Cross-section to the tertiary warp drive which should aid in the full warp implosion and there we go," The Doctor fiddled about the various wires, buttons and switches while Swift helped out when he was ordered to.

“The only thing I haven’t factored in is the size of the explosion,” The Doctor muttered.

“What?” Swift gulped.

“But we’ll cross that bridge when we get there, right?” The Doctor chuckled sheepishly.

He was almost done when there was an almighty bang from up above them. The Doctor and two guards looked up simultaneously.

"What in the name of Celestia was that?" Steady said from outside the engine room. That was when the wall next to him exploded and a strange sight came into view.

A Dalek trundled out, seeming to look dizzy, confused and spinning like a filly’s toy. It was on top of the Dalek that caught Steady by surprise, causing him to almost stumble off a stool he managed to find on a Dalek ship of all places. Do Daleks even have use of chairs and stools?

On top of the Dalek was a happy Derpy, holding on for dear life as the Dalek spun around.

"UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE CREATURE ON ME! YOU WILL RELEASE ME! YOU WILL RELEASE ME!" The Dalek screamed as Derpy clung onto it.

"This is like the time I went bumper-carting at a fairground once!" Derpy shouted in joy.

"I AM NOT A BUMPER-CART! I AM A DALEK AND YOU WILL RELEASE ME!"

The Doctor finished the final switch and came out to see what was happening. His eyes widened at the sight.

"Derpy?! What are you doing?!" The Doctor shouted in pure shock and horror.

"I’m being the distraction!" Derpy squealed gleefully from on top of the out of control Dalek. Then the Dalek started firing madly as Derpy covered the eyestalk with a wing.

"MY VISION IS IMPAIRED! I CANNOT SEE! MAXIMUM EXTERMINATION!"

The Doctor and guards had to duck and dodge the mad Dalek’s firing to avoid getting hit.

"Derpy! Keep that Dalek still!" The Doctor ordered.

"I’m trying!" Derpy cried out.

"Right! New plan!" The Doctor said, "Derpy when I say let go, you let go, and we will push the Dalek into the engine room. The explosion will be quick, but the Dalek may help delay the explosion as a barricade."

Derpy nodded as the Doctor, Steady and Swift positioned themselves behind the rampaging Dalek.

"Let go!" The Doctor shouted and Derpy spun dizzily off the top. The Doctor and the guards gave a strong shove and pushed the Dalek into the engine room. It screamed as it went on impact with the engine. Sparks flew and the Dalek exploded. What remained of the Dalek was flickering flames and smoke.

"Derpy!" The Doctor ran over to his friend and said, "You okay?!" Her friend was leaning upside-down against the wall, eyes swirling in their sockets.

"I think I’ve lost my muffins," Derpy winced as her friend helped him up.

It was then that the alarm from the engine room sounded, flashing red.

"That’s our cue to get out of here!" The Doctor pushed the others ahead of them, "Run! Luckily I landed the TARDIS away from here as the explosion could have off-balanced the ship."

"Lucky coincidence," Swift sarcastically said to him as they ran.

"Coincidences are my speciality," The Doctor said happily.

"IT IS THE DOCTOR! MAXIMUM EXTERMINATION IS REQUIRED!"

"Of course they would have located us by now!" The Doctor shouted, "Just keep running!"

There was an almighty bang from the engine room, causing the whole ship to shake and the group to lose their balance.

"Just keep going!" The Doctor scrambled to their hooves and raced back to the TARDIS. The Doctor fiddled around in his pockets for the key.

"I must invest in some clothes with fewer pockets!" The Doctor shouted to himself.

"HALT, DOCTOR!" A Dalek came in front of them. The Doctor, Derpy and guards.

"THERE IS NO ESCAPE, DOCTOR! SURRENDER TO THE DALEKS!"

"Ah yes, I must give credit to you for your persistence to admit that you haven’t lost!" The Doctor mocked.

"DALEKS NEVER SURRENDER! YOU HAVE FAILED, DOCTOR!"

"I'm afraid you've got it wrong," the Doctor mocked, "I think you've lost track of where you're standing. I think you’ve forgotten the gravity of the situation right now, or more like the wrong angle, to put it another way. The explosion has taken out the engines, which probably mean it took out the ship’s stabilisers. Which would mean-"

As if on cue, the ship began to lean sideways, causing the Dalek to slide along with it. The Doctor gripped tightly to the floor whilst the pegasi hovered to not feel the effect of the ship’s awkward angel. Conveniently, the TARDIS began to slide towards them by knocking the Dalek out of the way. The Doctor quickly opened the door with his key and pushed every pony in and slammed the door behind him.

"You knew that the ship would tilt at the right angle, didn’t you? You knew the TARDIS would hit the Dalek and come towards us?" Swift panted and collapsed onto the console room’s floor.

"I consider myself very lucky!" The Doctor said as he rushed over to the console. Flicking the switch and pulling the lever, the TARDIS was heard dematerialising off the would-be exploding spaceship. The TARDIS materialised a safe distance away from the ship. The Doctor ran over to the doors and opened them.

The others rushed over to him and watched as the ship exploded.

"Oh, it’s like Princess Cadance’s and Shining Armor’s wedding fireworks display," Derpy smiled.

"I wouldn’t compare it to that," The Doctor chuckled and then turned towards the two guards.

"Right, time to send you back. Your Princess must be wondering why you two have gotten off to… You won’t tell her about me, will you?"

"That’s we’ve been to space and stopped an impending alien attack?" Swift paused to allow Steady to complete the rhetorical question.

"The other guards and the Princess will think we’ve gone mad," Steady answered, “Probably wanting us to go on provisional leave.”

"After all the excitement, I think we will stick to being royal guards," Swift nodded.

"Very well then," The Doctor nodded, "But adventure is always out there. It’s just a matter of finding it."

With that, he pushed the TARDIS’ lever, and the TARDIS dematerialised to send the two random royal pegasus guards back to Canterlot Castle.

Author's Note

I've been a long-term Doctor Who since the show's revival in 2005, and it has always had a special place in my heart. Now, science-fiction is not my strongest genre to write about, but I just couldn't resist the chance to write something different. Something that screams Doctor, yet also MLP as a crossover seems a good place to start.

Just to let you know, Matt Smith (11th) Doctor is my favourite. Just in case you were wondering. He will always be my raggedy Doctor to the end. And yes, I have no issues with Whittaker's Doctor. The more human, fallible, techno-babble Doctor that reminds me of the Fifth Doctor.

Anyway, hopefully, you will enjoy my attempt at this crossover one-off. Nothing special, but since it's the Doctor Who New Year's special soon, I couldn't resist the chance of it.

Quoterific