With, And Without You

by Hakuno

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Pipp Petals, My Little Pony: A New Generation, Sunny Starscout, Hitch Trailblazer
Length: 2478

Hitch had been preparing himself for years. It wasn’t enough.

Hitch has always loved Sunny.

The circumstances never allowed him to say anything.

And now it's too late.

Published 2021-12-30 06:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-30 06:20:01 UTC

Always, Never, Together

It had been on one summer afternoon that Hitch first saw her in the playground. That beautiful filly of the bright orange fur and glimmering purple mane. Even today he wasn’t sure what had attracted him first; her smile, her laughter, her friendliness… He only knew that he had fallen for her.

He had always known he had a big crush on Sunny. Sprout made sure to tease him about it all the time. That had been the only reason Hitch had denied it. Being a young colt, he had thought that his friend’s opinions were more important than his own feelings. That had been the first of a long, long list of mistakes he had made. Mistakes he now regretted with all his being.

By the time Hitch grew out of that particular phase and was ready to confess his feelings for Sunny, the worst thing happened. He remembered holding Sunny close to his chest as she screamed and cried. Hitch couldn’t relate to the pain of losing a parent, but he had also cried with her. Mr. Argyle had been the kindest stallion around, even when others badmouthed him.

Hitch had decided not to tell Sunny about how he felt for her. Not while she mourned, not while she hung on to him for dear life. He had reasoned that, if he had tried something then, he’d be risking not only their friendship, but Sunny’s mental health too. So he remained silent and simply kept being her friend and being there for her.

Time passed by, and Sunny started strongly following in her father’s hoofstepts, trying to spread the message of unity and friendship amongst the races. Despite the craziness of her statements, Hitch still loved her. He loved her positive attitude, her optimism, her strength, and her intelligence. He had wanted to side with her, to support her again.

But he had been an utter coward. Becoming a sheriff had been his dream since foalhood, and he loved every second of it. But ponies now looked up to him. He had an image to maintain. And that image would be greatly tainted had he decided to side with Sunny’s insane attempts to convince everypony that Pegasi did not want to swoop down and take ponies away. He had remained her friend, of course, but he hadn’t supported her. Trying to convince himself that it was because he himself didn’t believe her was futile. Deep down, he had just been scared of what others could say. Of what it could do to his career.

Oh, how he regretted it now.

Ponies had finally started looking past their differences, sharing cultures and histories, wearing magic for the first time in centuries. Sunny had achieved her goal, she had made her dad proud. And Hitch had been an utter ass the whole time. Fully joining her when there had been no other choice to make, when he had been forced to look away from his own snout and to the gorgeous mare that only wanted to help.

But everything had turned out alright. More than alright, even. Hitch had been promoted to ambassador, with the respective paygrade update, and a lot more ponies looked up to him. Sunny had become some sort of beacon of hope to everypony, and he had never seen her so happy.

Something told him this was the time. Now that there were no more excuses, Hitch had to come out and confess his feelings to Sunny!

But just as he was about to reach the rebuilt lighthouse, he stopped himself. What if Sunny didn’t like him back? No, that one fear was something his younger self had already come to terms with. This time, he had another, greater fear. What if, because Sunny didn’t like him back, she started talking less and less to him? What if, on the other hoof, in an attempt to not hurt him, she started dating him? That would be worse!

Maybe it was best to wait for a little while longer. Maybe, he could start dropping hints to her and see how she reacted. Maybe, he could ask his new friends for advice!

Pipp had given him one of those wonderful smartphones, and so he had contacted her to talk. She had been more than ecstatic to know about his crush on Sunny, and she’d been ever more eager to help him out. And so, for the following year, the two of them had come up with plans to put Sunny in a position that she’d, either accidentally or on purpose, confess who she liked. Hitch had to admit that it had been pretty fun, feeling like they were being smart and cautious. He even felt like a foal again, and he had welcomed the experience.

That is, until Sunny stopped by his house. He instantly knew something was amiss. Which was weird, because Sunny was smiling broadly, and had a spring to her step. Her eyes sparkled in a way Hitch had never seen, and even her body language was giving off a vibe of… giddiness? But why did he feel something was wrong?

The answer did not wait to come.

“Izzy’s coming to live in Maretime Bay,” Sunny said as she sat on Hitch’s couch.

Hitch raised an eyebrow, and felt a very odd heat in his stomach. “Really? Did she finally get tired of all those trees and the general sense of gloom?” Even his own joke didn’t make him feel better. What was going on?

Sunny giggled, and that heavenly sound completely lifted all of Hitch’s worries. He sat down next to her as she turned to face him. “You could say that…” She then looked away and bit her lower lip. “But… Well… It’s been a year and…” Her eyes twinkled and then looked up at him while her cheeks reddened. “She said yes.”

Hitch blinked and cocked her head. “Yes to what?”

Sunny snorted and threw a hoof behind her head. “You know what!”

“No, I don’t,” he said. The strange feeling returned with a vengeance.

Shaking her head, Sunny took a couple of seconds to answer. “She said yes to marrying me.”

Some ponies said that, when receiving knews like this, it felt like the world stopped and everything went black. Some others mentioned it was a shock so sudden, the reaction could be anything from crying, to fainting, and even laughing. Hitch did not feel any of that. He simply furrowed his brow and glared at Sunny for a moment.

“Who?” he asked.

“What do you mean who?” Sunny asked with a laugh. “Are you even listening? Izzy said she’d be my wife! That’s why she’s moving here, to Maretime Bay! I wanted you to be the first to know about this. I’m telling Zipp and Pipp later, when I get home.”

It was like her words stopped making sense as soon as they reached Hitch’s ears. He knew the words, but the message was being muddled by some sort… barrier, or something. When he finally managed to understand, he looked away with a frown.

“When did this happen?” He said, feeling his mouth going dry.

Sunny gave out another chuckle. “What are you talking about? Izzy and I started dating right after we got magic back.”

“No, you didn’t,” he replied. How had this happened right under his nose? Pipp had been helping him, so she didn’t know either. Was Sunny having some strange case of amnesia and was making up things? “I would’ve known if you had.”

It was Sunny’s turn to lose her smile. “Come on, Hitch. Izzy and I have been coming and going between cities all the time. We’ve had dates in pretty much all the restaurants in the city!”

Hitch stood up hastily and looked at Sunny with wide eyes. “No, you haven’t!” His legs felt weak, and his knees wobbled, but he remained standing. “W-Where is this coming from? You and Izzy?”

Sunny frowned. “Hitch, don’t tell me you still think Unicorns are evil…” But before he could reply, her eyes widened as she gasped. “Or is it because we’re both girls?”

That gave him pause. He hadn’t even thought about that. “You… I didn’t even know you liked girls like that…” Which was true. They had been friends forever, but Sunny had never shown any interest in anypony. He had just assumed…

“Well…” She started, and her cheeks blushed brighter. “I like both fillies and colts… I just thought it was normal…” She looked away and spoke up barely above a whisper. “I used to have a crush on you, after all.”

That was when the shock came. Slow, steady, like the ground was moving beneath his hooves. “... What?” he breathed out.

She closed her eyes and giggled. “When we first met. I thought you were really handsome. Why else do you think I kept putting up with Sprout whenever we played?” She looked at him and shrugged. “But you never showed any interest, so I moved on.”

The air felt cold, and he started trembling. “What?”

“In any case,” she continued talking. “I guess I should’ve been more open about my relationship with Izzy, huh? Zipp and Pipp will probably react the same way you did.” She giggled again. “Well, I won’t take up much more of your time, oh, Mister Ambassador! I’ll send you the invitation to the wedding later this week.” She stood up and walked up to the door. Turning her head back for a moment, she added, “And you better be my best colt, you hear?”

He turned to her, and she must have interpreted that as a nod, for she smiled and left the house.

Hitch stared at the door for… some time. The sun had already set when he finally found the strength to sit down. So many things had crossed his mind in all that time, but he couldn’t recall any of them. It took him some more time… minutes, maybe, to finally decide to call Pipp. He needed to talk to somepony.

When he reached for his phone, he saw that he had about a hundred calls from Pipp, hundreds more of text messages, and a weird symbol that looked like a number eight from side to side where the number of video calls should be. He stared at the screen for only a moment when yet another video call request from Pipp came about. He tapped to answer.

“Hitch!” Came Pipp’s frantic voice. “Are you ok? Why haven’t you been picking up?!”

He opened his mouth, but no reply to those questions came. Instead he noticed something weird in the background of the image. “Where are you?” He asked.

Pipp looked behind her for a moment. “I’m going to your house. I thought you’d…” She shook her head. “Are you ok?”

“I…” He felt a tear form in his right eye. “No…”

“Are you home?”

“Yes…”

“Wait there, I’m just a few minutes away!”

“Sure…”

Pipp didn’t end the video call, and she kept talking to him. Hitch only gave her one word replies. He was feeling really strange. Shouldn’t he be feeling like the world was ending? Shouldn’t he be shedding more than one single tear? Was something wrong with him? Had he… Had he not loved Sunny as much as he had thought?

After a few minutes, Pipp knocked on his door. He simply told her to let herself in.

She closed the door behind her as she ended the call. “Hitch… I swear I didn’t know…”

“I know,” he said.

Pipp made her way to the couch and sat down next to him. “What are you thinking?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know… I just…” his lip trembled. “I don’t know.” He felt Pipp’s hooves hugging his head and pulling him, and just let her guide his head to her chest. He felt a knot in his throat and a throbbing pain behind his eyes. “She’s getting married…” His voice cracked, and, as if it was the work of magic, he felt the too familiar pressure in his chest.

And he cried.

Pipp held him in silence as he let everything out. He didn’t scream, no matter how much he wanted to. He simply sobbed on his friend’s fur, and he found herself hugging her back. Sunny, the love of his life, the only mare he had ever had eyes for, had chosen another pony to marry…

He knew he was being selfish. He knew that Sunny was happy, and she seemed happy when she had delivered the news. And Hitch wanted nothing more than Sunny’s happiness… But, he couldn’t help but ask why. Why couldn’t it be him? Why hadn’t he confessed his feelings during all those years? He had had plenty of opportunities, but he had been too much of a coward.

And now he had lost her.

She had never realized his feelings for her. First because he hadn’t even tried, and then because she had already found her special somepony.

Hitch cried on Pipp’s chest. He hated himself for never saying anything, for never doing anything. He hated not having been there for Sunny when she had tried to do the right thing. And he hated that he could do nothing about this sudden wedding. Despite how much he now wanted to dislike Izzy, he just couldn’t. She was a good pony and a better friend.

He was torn in two. A part of him didn’t want those two to work out just so he could once again have a chance. But a slightly bigger part of him still wanted Sunny’s happiness over everything else. Even his own.

And so he would say to Sunny that, as long as she was happy, he would be happy for her. It was probably the biggest, fattest lie he had ever told. But, despite everything, he still knew very well that anything, even this, was better than losing Sunny completely.

In a few months, he would have to see Izzy occupy the space he had always dreamed himself in, beside Sunny, speaking their vows and sealing their lives together. And, even if he was sure he’d do it for her, right now, he hated every single part of that thought.

Nothing would ever be the same. Nothing would ever feel the same.

Sunny would never love him.

And he would have to live with that. For himself.

For her.

Author's Note

I'm sorry for any mistakes. I wrote this in two-ish hours.

My best friend, the love of my life, told me today she's getting married to a guy I didn't even know she had been dating for years.

I needed to get it out of my system.

Feel free to downvote. I'll probably just delete this later anyway.