Chaotic Heart

by tursi

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Fluttershy
Length: 2252

Discord gets a visitor after a long time alone who wants to hear about his special somepony.

Discord receives an unexpected visitor who wants to hear about his life with Fluttershy.

This one was in my mind as I woke this morning, and I really had to write it down. It's short, it's non-canon (of course), but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Fair warning - sad content.

Published 2021-12-31 19:40:00 UTC
Last updated 2021-12-31 19:40:00 UTC

Chapter 1

How the hay did you get here?

Haha… ‘how the hay’! I haven’t said that in eons! Well, I suppose I should invite you in. That’s what she would want, and I don’t like the way those azaleas are looking at you…

Now then… where are my manners…? Ah! Here they are, under the sofa! It’s always the last place you look, isn’t it? Would you like some tea?

No? I suppose you don’t care for the poodle tea kettle? It was always a little too much for her friends, but she loved it.

Who? Why, Fluttershy, of course! Oh dear, I wonder if that chestnut storm rattled your brains? Do you know where you are? I’m Discord, how many claws am I holding up?

Well, yes, twenty-seven, there’s clearly nothing wrong with your vision. But you could have a sense of humor about the whole thing. She would have laughed.

You want me to tell you about her…?

…

…

All right.

The first time I met her was shortly after I escaped from the despicable stone prison that Celestia and Luna encased me in. Celestia! Luna! Leaders of Equestria for thousands of moons?

It was a terrible, horrible punishment - I was completely conscious for hundreds of years in a body of solid rock. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t use my magic or even scratch an itch.

Now that I think about it, I suppose it’s fortunate that stone doesn’t itch. Small favors.

But there she was, one of the new element holders. Oh, good heavens, do stop interrupting. The Elements of Harmony, of course. It seems that Celestia and Luna had passed them on - some kind of silly squabble, and now six little ponies held them.

Fluttershy was the yellow one, and she was just a pegasus. But she was the only one of those six who resisted my mind magic. Just a few words each, and all the others let the negative feelings in. But when I told Fluttershy that she was alone, she was confident that her friends were searching for her. When I told her that her friends thought she was helpless, she was proud that her friends supported her anyway. Can you imagine? I thought that she was the weakest one, but she trusted so much in her friends that I couldn’t turn her. I had to use my strongest magic to force my will onto her… I apologized so many times…

Eventually, they all got together and figured out my game. I played it a little too loose, and they were able to re-cast the same spell. I was trapped again. This time Celestia kept a close eye on me.

I suppose I was lucky. It wasn’t that long, comparably, before they set me free on purpose. Celestia was convinced that these good friends could find a way to reform me. They, in turn, put their hopes on Fluttershy. What a laugh I had! As if this meek, timid little mortal could influence me, the god of Chaos!

She invited me to live with her, and I played along. That’s when I learned how strong she really was.

Bat cupcake? Just grab one as it flies past. No? Mmm.. they are delicious!

She treated me with so much kindness… even as I was deliberately trying to get under her skin. She let me turn her house upside down - hahaha! No, I mean literally upside-down! But she didn’t mind! She wanted me to be myself…

I guess that’s when I fell in love with her… worst mistake an eternal can make. She was mortal. But I didn’t care. She tamed me and I loved every minute.

Until…

Until the last one.

I think she always knew I was using my magic to extend her life. Her friends grew grey, got a few wrinkles, but it never seemed quite as quick for Fluttershy. Even I can’t control life and death itself… but a little chaos energy can certainly slow the process! Order weakens me, but… it didn’t take very much. At least… I didn’t mind. And I kept her surrounded with pets - some from Equestria. Some from universes she’d never even heard of. I think it kept her distracted.

She laughed a lot. It was the most beautiful sound in the universe.

She came to me one day… or maybe it was night. It’s sometimes hard to know in my world. I could tell something heavy was on her mind, so I balanced a ten ton weight on her head. But this time she didn’t laugh. She looked… tired.

I can’t remember how she started the conversation. She was always very hesitant to say anything that might hurt someone’s feelings. But I remember when I finally understood her.

“You have to let me go.”

My jaw dropped - to the floor, of course. She picked it up and handed it back to me. She wasn’t even phased. How could I not love her?

“Discord, please. I know you’ve been using your magic on me. I mean… I don’t understand exactly how, but look at me.”

I surrounded her with copies of my eyes. The truth is, I loved to look at her. But it was getting harder to make jokes, the more she spoke. She knew me so well… she did smile at that one, though, and my heart gave a little leap of hope that she wasn’t going to say what I was expecting.

“Pegasi don’t live this long,” she started, then she paused. “Princess Twilight’s reign is nearly over, and I’m… still young.” She paused again, then spoke so quietly I could barely hear her. “All of my other friends have passed.”

My jokes evaporated, but I still hoped she didn’t intend to say it out loud. If she didn’t, I could deny understanding. We could keep going forever. But I couldn’t help myself. She didn’t like it when I was jealous of her friends, but I just couldn’t help myself.

“But why aren’t I enough for you?” I asked her, bluntly.

And then the tears came. They were always so close to the surface, and she was so tragic and beautiful when she cried. She never tried to hide them - I think that’s why she was so strong.

“Oh Discord!” she sobbed. “All these years, and you still don’t believe how much I love you?”

I wrapped my arms around her and held her against me, and believe me I know - ten million fanfics screamed out in jealousy. But it wasn’t about that. All that mattered was making sure that she knew, that I knew. I stroked her mane as her tears wet my fur, and I purred softly. I would mix up different animal purrs, and she liked it when I did that. I didn’t have to say any words, she knew I always had trouble with them. I wrapped the two of us in a little pocket universe, where it was just Fluttershy and Discord, and I held her until her tears slowed.

When her head came up, the tears were still flowing slowly, but they were different now. They were sympathetic tears. She put one hoof on my chest, and the other went to her own.

“I can feel the time in my heart,” she explained, softly. “And it’s so tired. I feel… stretched, like part of me is on my normal life, and part of me is here. It’s harder all the time.”

I tried to interrupt, and she stretched her head forward and kissed me, so softly. I was helpless.

“I know it’s hurting you, too,” she continued. “Order hurts your magic… and what is more orderly than trying to keep things the same?” She paused, then added, “I hear you whimpering when you think I’m asleep, and I know you try to hide it from me. Discord, it’s been nearly a thousand years.”

“Let me go, please.”

I really didn’t want to look, but how could I avoid her gaze? I looked down into those bright cyan eyes, and all at once I saw everything. I saw how many lifetimes she’d lived, and how the pain of all that loss was hurting her. I realized, suddenly, that mortals were never meant to experience so much in one lifetime.

I saw her joy too, all the moments lived to the fullest. And I saw how I had helped make that possible. Me, of all creatures! I got to relive all those moments with her, in that single instant, and it filled my heart so full of love that I thought it would burst. If it wasn’t so serious… I might have let it. But not this time… I was going to keep every second of it.

“Do I have to?” I asked. It was my last defense… my last stall. Could she possibly convince me? I didn’t think there were any words that could.

But she knew me better than that. She closed her eyes and leaned up again. She kissed me deeply and passionately, and she held there. I could have frozen time and stayed in that instant for eternity… and maybe I should have. I closed my own eyes, so they wouldn’t leak, and I raised my claw…

Snap!

I gasped as all the energy came rushing back… I hadn’t realized just how much I’d given her - how I had to add a little more every year to hold back time itself. My eyes opened, and I watched her age catch up to her. Her mane greyed, and the fur around her eyes wrinkled. Her ears sagged. But her smile never faded and though her eyes were tired, they were full of the grateful love that I’d been lucky enough to receive for so many years. She was so beautiful.

I created a luxurious bed, the most beautiful poster bed I could conceive of, and lined with the softest, warmest down. Gilded comforters and the biggest, softest pillows you’ve ever seen. Rarity would have wept with jealousy. Never mind who she was.

I laid Fluttershy down as gently as I could, and I stroked her mane as I pulled the covers over her. She was so old now, but she still smiled, watching me all the while. Even though her eyes faded, they never stopped tracking me. At last there was nothing more to do but sit beside her.

“Discord?” she whispered.

I leaned in closer, her voice was so soft. But now her face was serious… almost angry.

“Don’t you dare take this out on Equestria,” she warned me, her voice hard. I knew that voice, and I had never disobeyed that voice. “Promise me.”

I felt my heart catch, but… I was only allowed one answer to that order. In truth, I never wanted to answer anything else. “I promise.”

She relaxed, then, settling back into the pillow. Did I mention how soft it was? She sank so deep she was almost hidden from view. It was adorable.

I took her hoof into my paw, and looked into her eyes - so tired now. It took me a moment to gather up the courage, but, I dared not miss this chance.

“Fluttershy?”

“Mm?”

“I love you so much.”

She smiled so wide, it was the last time I ever saw that.

Excuse me… I… I have a meteorite in my eye…

Of course I was angry afterwards! I dropped from the sky into the middle of Equestria, surrounded by my rage. Above my head I held a black sphere crackling with lightning a hundred feet across - a chaos storm to cover the land for a thousand years. Oh, I had the power now! How dare they keep living and laughing when she was gone!? I’d fix that! All I had to do was throw.

But she was still watching me, wasn’t she? Not that I believe in any of that. But I just happened to glance down before I threw… and what should I see there? I’m sure you’ve already guessed, but yes. A little pair of pink butterflies, fluttering among the dandelions. Oh, what else could it have been?

You don’t understand the significance? Well, you see, all little ponies have a pattern in the fur on their hindquarters. It identifies them, and she had three pink little butterflies.

So there it was. She loved this land, and I promised, didn’t I? You didn’t break a promise to Fluttershy, unless you were a monster. And I wasn’t a monster. At least… I wasn’t a monster anymore. All that energy vanished, and I dropped to my knees. I cried - she wasn’t afraid to, and I wasn’t going to be now either. I think some ponies saw me, and I wished to be turned back into stone again, but in the end, I came back here.

I’ve been here for a long time now, by myself. Oh, I tried to make some companions to remind me of her… but life is tricky. It was always wrong, and… let’s face it. It was always something I made, and not something that lived. She lived and she loved and she shared that with me. Oh yes, I know how much she loved me. And I loved her.

But that brings us back to you. I think I know why you’re here. It’s time to go, isn’t it?

Do you think we’ll see her?