Twilight is In My Closet

by Spazz Kid

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, My Little Pony: A New Generation, Self Insert, Profanity, Random
Length: 1042

Guys, I'm serious, she's been here the whole time!

Guys, I'm serious, she's been here the whole time!

Published 2022-02-17 14:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-02-17 14:30:01 UTC

Guys! I can't believe it!

Click!

"Hey, nice to talk to ya, it's been a while...

Yeah, I know. So, you saw that new MLP movie, right?

Yeah, I know right?

Anyway, I got something to tell you, and you're not going to believe it at all!
Okay, so first, before I actually tell you, let me set a scene real quick...

Yes, I know that's not how you say that, shut the fuck up.

Anyway, the scene....

So, I had just finished watching the movie, right? I was doing my thing in the kitchen, it's 8pm, raining pretty hard, and I was getting myself some cheesecake. I opened the container, and put it on a plate, that whole thing. I was bringing it back to my room so I could turn on NieR Automata or something, when I walked past my closet, you know, the one with the sliding door I never use? The one in the hall leading to my bedroom?

Now, normally, I'd just walk past it without even so much as looking at it, but something caught my attention... Something shimmered for split second.

...

Yeah! It was pretty weird, and I thought to myself, what could have been in there, right? I mean, I don't use it, so I either put something in there or forgot...or someone else did. Now, either could have been true, because I'm stupid and forget things a lot, you know me, I'm an idiot!

...

Okay, that's a bit harsh. Anyway, I decided I needed to check it out, right? So, I grab the handle, and pull the closet door open. Now, again, I want to reiterate, you are not going to believe this.

Whew, okay.... inside my closet, staring back at me, was Twilight Sparkle.

"Who"? The hell you mean "Who"? Okay, you know the protagonist of Friendship is Magic, the purple one?
Not the lizard, god dammit!

...

You're fucking with me? Oh, y-yeah, I knew that.

Okay, anyway, back to what I was saying, Twilight is in my closet. Yeah, keep laughing, laugh it up!
At first I thought the obvious; at some point, I thought that I had bought a giant stuffed Twilight Sparkle, and had shoved it into the closet, but one, I don't have the money for that, and two, that wouldn't explain the shimmering.

...

Yeah, and she started to ask me questions and shit, like "Who are you?" and "Is this your closet?" I was barely focusing on that, though, because a fucking cartoon character is in my closet.

Did I get a picture? Well, fuckin' duh! Do you think that when a character from a kid's show just pops up in my closet, that I don't get a picture? Didn't I send it to you?

Anyway, I tried to get to get her out of the closet, but she refused, and used her weird horny magic to try and close the door, but I kept it open, and I began to do what any fellow brain dead idiot would do.

Yep, bombard her with various questions. Now I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I think I beat my previously established record of fourteen questions in eight seconds by like, two, I don't know.

Surprisingly, she answered a good majority of them. Except my "Are you gay" question. Not sure why I asked that.

...

Yeah, I didn't ask that one, that would have been a good one.

One thing that's kinda been sticking with me, was that she told me about the downfall of Equestria. So, initially, it began with the advancement of technology-

Huh? You don't care? Oh, o-okay.... Yeah, it wasn't that interesting anyway...

Anyway, yeah, that's about it. I left her alone, and closed my closet door.

Well, yeah! I'm not gonna try and ask her to leave, she was very adamant about staying in my closet. Why? Well, that's another question she wouldn't answer.

So, yeah, that's it. Sorry for bothering you, I just had to tell somebody. Night, man."

Click!

Spazz Kid set his phone down, and sighed.

"You done already?" Twilight said from behind him, her voice muffled from the chunks of chocolate she was greedily shoving down her gullet.

"Yeah. Are you?" He said, irritatingly spinning around in his swivel chair. "Why are you still here?"

"It's comfy."

"It is not 'comfy'!" Spazz Kid exclaimed, before thinking about it. "Well, it is, but you shouldn't just be sitting in my house! You live in Equestria, or whatever!"

"Yeah, but-" Twilight shoved more chocolate into her mouth, "-They don't need me yet."'

"'Yet'?" The young man rubbed his head, annoyed. "What?"

"I'm supposed to come in when Sunny calls me, and, as you probably tell, that hasn't happened yet." She looked into the bag she was eating from, seeing that it was empty. She looked back up at Spazz. "You have anything else I can eat?"

Spazz sat for a second, deadpanning, before sighing again, and pointing at the mini-fridge in the corner. Twilight teleported over to it, and began to search through as Spazz spun around in his chair, and turned on his non-specified console. Twilight zapped back over to her spot, which was a small pile of pillows and blankets she had summoned. She now had a large pack of licorice. "What're playing?"

"For Honor." Spazz selected said program.

"Ohhh, sounds fun!" Twilight walked over to his side.

"I guess so." Spazz Kid stared at nothing for a few seconds. "Why did you choose my house, of all places?"

"Plot convenience." Twilight said, opening her licorice.

"....Okay." Spazz entered a match.

"Oh, and something to look forward to, I've invited a few ponies over for a nice little meeting, so I hope you don't mind." Twilight said, which caused Spazz Kid's braincells to spontaneously combust. "I'm sure they'll be excited to meet you!"

"Can't... wait..." Spazz Kid said, wanting to kermit sewer-slide.

"Great!" She majicked his phone over to her, holding it in her aura. "Imma go study this." She walked back over to her pillow pile.

Spazz Kid just barely resisted the urge to throw himself through his television.
Just barely.

Author's Note

Heh heh, self insert go brrrrrr