Applejack and the Pear

by Obalie

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random
Length: 4767

Applejack is forced to eat a pear if she can hope to survive in a desert. Twilight gets drunk.

Applejack is stranded in the San Palomino Desert, and help should be there in a few days or less. However, there's no food or water anywhere, except for a lone pear tree sitting in the distance…with one pear left. Will she take the risk of starvation or will she fall in and eat the horrifying pear?
Meanwhile, Twilight parties. A lot. And bad things may come from it.

Ah, it's good to be writing simple stories again. Oh and yes, the San Palomino Desert is in fact, in Equestria. Check the map if you don't believe me.
Applejack is saying wat because she thinks that I'll make her eat the pear. She might be right…but she might not…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-27 09:14:01 UTC

Pears and Parties

"Twilight? Twilight can ya hear me? Twilight, please, answer me!" Applejack's voice crackled as she spoke into the transceiver, awaiting an answer desperately.

"Applejack? Applejack this is Rarity! Where are you darling? And why are you talking into this old thing? I found it on the ground of your farm!"

"I...I'm not sure Rarity. I think I'm in some sort of...desert. It's really hot and there's sand for miles and miles!"

"Oh my! Applejack, how did you ever get there?!"

"It's a long story Rarity."

"Howdy Twilight, what can I do for ya?" Applejack was busy bucking apple trees when Twilight walked up to her, with a saddle bag and a smile.

"Hi Applejack! Hey, I need your help with a new spell. Well, it's not exactly new, it's more of an...upgrade. It'll only take a few minutes, do you mind?"

"Of course not Twilight. I'd be glad to help ya. So, what's this spell of yours?"

"It's long-distance teleportation. I can teleport short distances, but I wanted to see if I could do it for, well, almost a mile. It works perfectly fine with me, but I want to see if I can do multiple ponies at a time. You in?"

"Sure! So, where we heading?"

"Hm...let's try going to the library first, okay?" Applejack nodded. She fished around in her bag before bringing out two devices with her magic.

"Now what in the hay is that?" She looked closely at them, confused.

"These are handheld transceivers, known to foals as walkie-talkies. In case anything goes wrong, just press down this button, and speak into the microphone. Once you let go of the button, you can receive messages from me." They did a short test beforehand, then she gave one to Applejack.

"Okay Applejack, you get this one, I get this. Now I'm going to try to teleport us to the library, and in case we go different ways, just talk into this and tell me where you ended up. Twilight's horn glowed with a purple aura, and then white. A flash engulfed the two, several sparks lashing out before they were gone. Something opened up, and one of the transceivers fell to the ground.

"And that's how I ended up here! She must've dropped her walkie-talkie thing when we teleported." Applejack was sitting on a flat rock in the middle of nowhere. Sand dunes were all around her, and a few dead trees, plant and healthy cacti were there too. She sighed, terribly worried.

"Oh dear, do you think Twilight is trapped in that desert with you?" Rarity asked, concerned.

"Maybe. Now listen here Rarity, I need ya to go inside the barn, and immediately turn left. There should be a map of Equestria there, and I want ya to grab it and look for possible deserts. Bring the thingy with ya."

"Oh, of course Applejack." Applejack waited patiently, placing the transceiver down on the rock. Sweat poured down her face from the intense heat, and her hat didn't make much of a difference. She was starting to pant like a dog when she heard Rarity's voice.

"I have it Applejack. Now let's see here...Macintosh Hills, no...Badlands I hope not...ah ha! The San Palomino Desert! Near Los Pegasus! It's the only desert on the map. But it's huge; I doubt you're right next to the city. Oh dear, I'm so sorry, but I don't know what to do! Oh wait, yes I do! I'll tell some of the pegasi to go searching! I'm sure they'll find you. Now Applejack, do you see any big mountains or anything?"

"Well, um." She looked to her right, and in the distance she saw a landmark. "I see something big, to my right." She examined the figure in front of her. "But it looks more like a canyon then a mountain. It's gotta weird shape though. Anything like that on the map?"

"Ah, yes! I need you to walk over there right now! Then the Pegasus will be sure to find you! The only problem now is how to find Twilight. I'm not sure how to reach her. Well anyway, I have to go, can you handle yourself Applejack?"

"I'm not a foal Rarity. Go on, get the pegasi." She turned off the transceiver and took off her hat, since it wasn't helping at all. She put the two items in the hat and grabbed the rim with her teeth, beginning her long and dreadful journey.

"WOO HOO!"

While Applejack was stuck in the middle of a desert, Twilight had found herself in Los Pegasus, and well, she just couldn't resist spending some time there. So now she was on a slot machine in a casino.

"50 bits! All mine! HA! Suck it Night!" A blue unicorn with a dark red mane sat next to her, frowning. She had met Twilight at a party and the two instantly become friends, both exploring Los Pegasus together. She did a lot of performances in the city, so she knew a lot of good places.

"Awwww damn it. I swear Twilight, you just have good luck!" Twilight beamed.

"Uh huh. So, since we've been on these machines for an hour, want to do something else?" Night Show nodded.

"Definitely. It's getting boring here." She took one last spin, failed, and got off her seat. "I know a good bar just a few blocks away from here, it's great. They got karaoke and I'm craving some hay fries. You in?"

"Of course! Let's go!" Twilight excitedly followed Night Show out of the casino. They jumped into her carriage, and Night gave the driver instructions.

"This. is. awesome! I've never been to Los Pegasus before, thanks for everything!" Twilight exclaimed.

"No problem Twilight. You seem really cool, and your magic's brilliant. You got to show me some tricks. I'm sure I can convince the other mares I perform with to use them for the show tonight. If you do, you're invited, free of charge."

"Wow! Of course, thanks again!" Twilight giggled.

"This is going to be the best. Night. Ever!"

"Ugh..." Applejack groaned, trudging her way through the hot sand. It burned her hooves, she wish she wore shoes. She walked toward a huge rock, as big as a Ponyville house, and sat under its shade.

"This is harder than I thought..." She muttered. "I'm so hungry. And thirsty. I hope there's water somewhere around here..." She picked up her transceiver and pressed the little red button.

"Rarity? Rarity are ya there?" No answer. She sighed and put it down, pulling out small twigs to pass the time.

"Applejack?! Applejack! Rarity here! Answer darling!" She snatched the transceiver.

"Rarity it's me! Have ya sent the pegasi to search for me?!"

"Yes, they're on their way. How are you doing?"

"Tough. Hey, do you know if there are any rivers or lakes around?"

"Sorry, but I don't think there's any near you! Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. There are the cacti. Are ya sure that the pegasi will find me?"

"Well of course! Um, if you know how to start a fire, that would be fabulous dear."

"Of course she assumes I can start a fire, me not being a fancy pony." She muttered. "Alright Rarity. In this heat, startin' a fire is as easy as apple pie. See ya later." She turned off the transceiver and, although not wanting too, picked up her hat, put the items in it, and went out from under the rock, heading towards the huge shadow of the canyon...thingy.

She gasped as she spotted, out in the distance, a tree. A tree with some fruit on it. She dropped her hat and ran towards it, desperate. She froze though when she saw what was on the tree.

Hanging on a low branch, all alone, was a single, ripe, bright green pear.

"Wow! These are really good Night!"

Twilight stuffed a bunch of hay fries, and took a sip of her water, certainly fresher and cleaner then what Applejack would have to drink.

"See? I told you so. This bar's got the best hay fries in all of Los Pegasus. So anyway, are you gonna sing?"

"Me?! No way! I wouldn't sing in front of a crowd of ponies if my life depended on it." She chuckled nervously.

"Ha ha ha. Don't worry, I won't force you to. I would, if there wasn't a certain some pony sitting right there..." Night Show glared at an orange earth pony sitting at a table right next to the stage. He had a short yellow and blue mane and a fat hay burger for a cutie mark.

"Who's he?" Twilight asked, popping more hay fries in her mouth.

"Humph. That's Grease Crop. He's a total pervert, just wait until a mare goes on stage. Sometimes he's at my shows, and he makes me so nervous, just grinning there. The first time I was so scared I waited back stage until every single pony had left, then ran out as fast as I could."

"Wow...that's so, well, creepy. His name's weird too. Uh oh, there goes a mare."

Night Show sighed. "I feel so sorry for her. Just wait, you'll see."

A pink pony with a lavender colored mane entered the stage, and Grease and a few other ponies cheered. She blushed and grinned sheepishly, looking in a binder for a song she knew. She whispered something to the DJ, who nodded.

Night Show gulped. "Okay, here we go." Twilight nervously watched as the song started, and Grease whistled. Her face was a deep crimson, not expecting all this attention from the orange stallion.

She was a good singer, but with all the grinning and whistling from Grease Crop, she stuttered at some parts, obviously scared.

"She had a good reason to be frightened." Night Show whispered.

Throughout the whole song, Grease gave the mare weird looks, cheered, winked at her, and even rubbed his hooves together a few times. The mare shook a little at the end, her face filled with fear. Twilight glared at him, growing angrier with every perverted motion.

The last straw was at the end of the song, when he took a few bits and threw them on the stage, winking again. A few ponies gasped, glared, or muttered at him. Twilight however, jumped out of her seat, ignoring Night Show's pleas.

"WHAT THE HAY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" She screamed. Every pony turned to her, including a very angry Grease Crop.

Uh oh.

"OH NO! NO, NO, NO, NEVER!" Applejack shouted at the pear. It was silent, hanging there, ready to be eaten. Applejack glared at it.

"Your kind nearly made the Apple family homeless! Ya replaced our precious apples for a while and put my family in jeopardy! And you’re disgusting! Absolutely disgusting!" She turned her back on the pear, who continued to look delicious.

"Grrrrrrr. I'll never eat ya, I swear! As the Element of Honestly, I swear that I will never eat you, pear!" She walked away, not once looking back at the green fruit. She ran over to her Stetson and picked it up, walking towards the canyon thingy, ignoring the pear.

But after a few minutes, she stopped to rest, and sure enough, Applejack slowly turned her head, the tree coming into view. She snapped back her head and growled, scowling at herself.

"Applejack, ya are NOT gonna eat that there pear! It destroyed us!" She closed her eyes and tried to rest under the intense heat, but, she opened them and glanced back at it.

The pear shone in the bright light, and Applejack stared at it, ravenous. Memories of Pear Tart and her cart of fresh pears filled her, how ponies would line up just to buy that stupid fruit.

"GAAAAAAAAAAH!" She screamed, pounding her hoof into the sand, spraying it everywhere. "I will not, I will not!!!" She grabbed her hat and stormed off, not once looking back, afraid of being tempted. She decided not to stop until she reached her destination, where the pegasus would find her and bring her home.

After half an hour of walking, she fell into the shade of the humongous landmark. Collapsing on the dirt, she dropped her hat and sighed, laying back. After a while she fell asleep, falling into the land of dreams, the pear tree still looming in the distance.

                                                                         ~~~~♦~~~~

Applejack found herself dying, wheezing and ravenous, in the heat of a volcano. She lay on a piece of molten rock, her body being burnt badly, and she was surrounded by lava, a few other platforms floating near her. She could easily jump over them to the surface, and escape death, if only she weren't so weak.

And hungry.

With her, planted somehow into the rock, was the pear tree. The single pear lay on it, but it was the most beautiful food ever found. It was a shiny green, gleaming in the sunlight from the spot of sky above her. It was the size of a pineapple, but much tastier looking. Drops of water glistened on it, making it look refreshing as well. Applejack drooled at the simple sight of it, wanting more then to taste it.

She rose on her front hooves, crawling towards the beauty. She punched it, and the pear fell slowly towards her, like a goddess. It glowed with light as it rested in Applejack's hooves. She stared at the glowing, sparkling, watery, bright green pear, her eyes wide. She moved her muzzle towards it, opening her jaws, and as they hovered above it, they swiftly closed with a loud, fast...

CRUNCH!

The volcano land around her was blown away, replaced with a bright field of the greenest grasses, the best lighting and the most pleasant weather. Birds sang around her, a chorus as she ate the most delicious fruit in the universe, swishing it around her mouth, chewing, tears flowing down her face. She swallowed it, opening her eyes only to say,

I love this-

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Applejack screamed. She woke up, jumping out of her spot. "NOOOOO!" She shouted. "NO, NO, NO, NO! I WILL NEVER EAT A PEAR, EVER! EVER!!!" She gasped, panting.

She glared at the tree laying the distance, shaking her head. "Never." She whispered. Her stomach grumbled loudly, and she realized how hungry she was. Suddenly, her transceiver switched on.

"Applejack, dear? Are you there? Listen, the pegasus aren't flying as fast as I had hoped, but they said they should be there in two days. Can you live that long? There should be water and food somewhere; oh I hope you'll live. Oh, what, really? now? Oh, okay. Listen darling, I have to go. Survive!"

The transceiver switched off, and Applejack was shocked. Two whole days?! Without food or water?! She recalled what Twilight had told her one day, in the library.

Ponies can live without food for three whole days without starving.

"Think, think AJ. When did you last eat...?” She had been working the whole day, and had refused lunch, saying that she would have a big dinner. So she had last eaten for...

Breakfast. Earlier that day.

"Oh no, no, no no. I could starve!" She exclaimed, looking back at the pear tree, which was now her only hope for survival.

I hope Twilight's wrong.

"Excuse me?" Grease Crop got out of his seat, glaring at Twilight. "I'm just minding my own business, you should try it sometimes."

"Heheheheh." Twilight chuckled nervously. Night Show gulped and sipped on her drink. Ponies cleared the way as Grease Crop walked up to her, still mad.

"I'm just tipping this young lady for her wonderful performance. What's so wrong about that?"

"Well I think most of the ponies here will agree with me that what you call 'tipping', is inappropriate and that karaoke is NOT a form of prostitution! So every pony here would appreciate it if you just left!" She pointed her hoof towards the door, glaring at the orange pony.

"Oh I'm sorry miss fancy lady, but I think I'll stay!" He shouted. "I don't care if I'm a small cafe or an opera show, but I'll do whatever I want!"

"Well, um, then don't be such a pervert!" Twilight shouted back.

"What did you call me?" He said, pounding his hooves together.

Night Show noticed the upcoming fight and stood up, pushing her drink back. "I think we've had enough of this, c'mon Twilight, let's go." But Twilight stayed where she was, Grease Crop right in front of her.

"No. I think I'll stay. You wanna rumble, Greasy?" She growled, lowering her head. Grease Crop took a step back and pounced at Twilight, who teleported out of the way. She appeared on the stage, a microphone in her hooves.

"Come at me bro!" She shouted in the mic. Grease Crop spun around and charged right at her, all the other ponies standing against the walls of the bar, amazed. Twilight created a door in front of the stallion, slamming it in his face. He fell back, his eyes spinning. She grabbed a bottle with levitation and dropped it over his head, which shattered onto his stomach.

"Ugggggh." He groaned. Throwing off the shards of glass that had fallen on him, Grease Crop lunged at Twilight, producing a game of chase. He jumped on the stage, and she teleported behind the bar counter. He ran and leaped over the counter, but she teleported onto one of the tables. He jumped up and crashed into the table, Twilight teleporting back on the stage.

Grease Crop collapsed onto the floor, panting heavily. "I...give up!" He gasped. Several of the ponies that had been watching went over to help him, a few others cleaning up the mess.

"Oh my goodness, you did it!" Night Show squealed, hugging Twilight.

"Wow, I guess I did...” She said, a little tired from all the spells. "It felt good standing up to him.

"Of course it did! So, is this still the best night ever for you?"

Twilight smiled. "Definitely. Let's go!" The two friends skipped out of the messed up bar, several parties waiting for them to attend.

"Oh no, oh no, oh no." Applejack nervously paced back and forth on the rock ground. "I can't starve! What about ma family, ma friends, ma business! I won't allow myself to die!" She shouted out, to no pony in particular. She found herself staring back at the pear tree. "But I can't eat that stupid fruit either. It would destroy ma pride."

She decided to search for a cactus or something, with water inside. A fat cactus was sitting nearby, and near it was a dead tree. Applejack tore off a sharp branch from it and stabbed the cacti. She dove to the ground and held out her tongue to catch the stream of water pouring out, savoring every warm drop.

Once she had drunk everything inside the plant, she searched for more, still parched. She found another, smaller one and poked a hole into it, repeating her previous process. After draining out two more cacti, she returned to her spot, where her transceiver was. She took off her hat and wiped off the sweat on her face.

"Well I think I've got enough water to survive, but now I need food..." She hadn't found any other fruit anywhere besides the lone pear tree, it was her only hope.

"Nope. I'm not doing it. I'm just gonna search more, that's it." She rose up again and left the shade, going towards the east, where she hoped to find food.

Dead trees, empty bushes or small flowers were all she could find, and the flowers were nowhere near satisfactory. But she continued on, determined to find something. More bare trees and flowers is what she found.

"Gosh darn it, how come a stinkin' pear can survive here but nothing else can?! This ain't fair!" She scowled. With no choice but to head back or get lost in the desert, she stormed off, furious. The sun had started to set, it would be night soon. Heck, it was probably the middle of the night in Ponyville already.

I wonder how Twilight's doing. She thought. What if she's dead? Or in a worse condition than me? Applejack sighed. I've been so selfish. Twilight might be dying, with no choice of food at all, and here I am willing to die just because I won't swallow a dumb pear.

It took her an hour to return back to the landmark, and she instantly, without thought, grabbed her hat and headed for the pear tree.

What are ya doing! That pear's revolting, horrible, it ruined ya! Ya can't eat it! One side told her.

No, you have to do this, or else you'll die! Do it for Twilight! She might be in a worse condition then you! Another said.

No way! Ya can't! You're a member of the APPLE family! APPLE! Not some stupid pears that'll destroy ya!

Don't listen to that side of you. This is a gift, a blessing! You're lucky to have food right now, so don't be picky and eat it!

"SHUT UP, ALL OF YA!" She shouted. "Voice number two is right! I'm gonna eat this...fruit, so I survive and be able to see ma friends again. Ma family. No pony's around, no pony has to know. It'll be a secret." She walked up to the tree and kicked it hard, the pear plopping down on the sand.

With a deep sigh, Applejack reached down and picked up the nasty fruit. "Here we go." She said to herself, gulping. She slowly lifted it up to her open jaws. She closed her eyes, and prepared to take one dreadful bite, one that would change everything. She put it in her mouth, and her jaws prepared to shut close on the terrible, evil, awful-

"HEY APPLEJACK! APPLEJACK!" Applejack dropped the pear and looked up to see about fifteen pegasi staring at her. This included Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Thunderlane, Derpy Hooves, some royal guards and even the Wonder Bolts themselves. They had come early.  All of them had seen her about to eat a pear.

Damn it.

Loud music filled Twilight's ears. They were in a club, celebrating Twilight's victory against Grease Crop. Strobe lights flashed all around them, and ponies danced in the center of the room, a disco ball hanging above them. The sun had set an hour ago, but they had a long night ahead of them.

"To Twilight!" Night Show cheered, holding up her glass of wine. She clinked it against Twilight's hay shake, as an egghead she didn't like alcohol.

"You sure you don't want any?" She asked Twilight, pointing to her drink.

"No thanks Night. I don't really...drink." She slurped up her hay shake.

"Oh come on Twilight, it's just wine! Librarians can drink it too, it's not like you're drinking beer from the bottle. It's classy." She made a fancy face and pretended to sip her wine elegantly, getting a giggle from Twilight.

"Maybe later. And just a small glass!" Night Show rolled her eyes and continued to sip her wine.

"So, are we gonna just sit here or are we gonna dance?"

"Well...I don't know Night. I'd feel kind of nervous dancing in front of all these ponies."

"Hm...I have an idea." She called over the bartender and ordered something Twilight couldn't hear, due to the loud music playing. A few minutes later a bottle of alcoholic apple cider and a glass was given to her, much to Twilight's dismay.

"Night Show, I said I didn't drink, especially this!" She pushed the bottle away. "One of friends makes the NORMAL kind, and I really don't want to think about her right now..." She exclaimed, feeling a bit guilty inside, unseen by Night Show.

"C'mon Twilight, just a small glass! It'll help your stage fright. It works for me all the time! In fact, I think that's how I do all my shows!" She pushed the bottle back towards Twilight.

"..."

"Please? Pretty Please? Just a small, small glass. Just one." Night Show levitated the bottle towards the cup, pouring in the alcohol. She offered it to Twilight, who just stared at it.

"...Just this glass, okay?" Night nodded. Twilight grabbed the cup and took a tiny sip, then slammed it back on the table.

"I don't like it Night." She refused to pick it up again.

"Twilight you'll get used to it. Just take a couple more sips, you'll see." She did as she was told, levitating it up to her mouth and taking a larger sip. Then another. Then another.

After just a few minutes Twilight put the empty glass back onto the table.

"Okay, I'm done. That's the last drink of tonight. Now we can dance."

Little did she know that that was far, oh so far from being the last drink. And so started the longest night of Twilight's life.

Back in Ponyville~

"Good mooooorning Applejack! You there darling?" Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash entered the barn, and found Applejack sitting in front of a fan, resting on a chair. In front of her was a bucket of water. It was a day after they had rescued her from the desert, and she still felt hot and stuffy inside.

"Oh, hi there gang, how y'all doing?" She hopped out of her chair.

"We're fine Applejack, but what about you?" Fluttershy asked.

"Yeah! I mean you were trapped in that awful place for like, hours! Without cupcakes!"

"I'm fine fellas." She turned to Rainbow Dash. "And thanks again for saving me Rainbow! I thought I was gonna starve!"

"No problem Applejack. That's what friends are for. And I must say that pear you had there looked like a good friend." Rainbow Dash snickered, earning a slap from Applejack and a hoof on her mouth.

"Shut it Rainbow! If ma family hears that I was 'bout to eat a pear, they'll kick me out of here faster than ya can do a Sonic Rainboom!"

"Yeah, yeah yeah." She pushed Applejack's hoof away. "I won't tell any pony, okay? Although I can't say that all those other pegasi will." Applejack gulped.

"Dear, it's no problem that you were eating a pear, you could've starved if you hadn't!"

"So anyway," She said, trying to change subject. "Why in tar nation were there some royal fellas? I never got an answer."

"Well, when Spike heard that Twilight and you were missing, he told the Princess, who sent some guards to join the search."

"Oh, alright, so have y'all found Twilight yet?" Applejack asked.

"Sadly, no. We can't find her anywhere! And we searched the whole desert, including Ghastly Gorge. Some ponies are looking around the Macintosh Hills, and a couple in Los Pegasus."

"I...*hic*, I'm here rainbow...

"What the-who's there?!" All five ponies spun around, but found no pony else but them.

"W-who was t-that?" Fluttershy asked, nervous.

"Um, hello?!" Applejack called out, confused.

"Hi girrrrls!" The water in the bucket flashed purple, causing Applejack to yelp and jump back. There was a white explosion when a horrifying, messy, obviously drunk Twilight appeared splashing in the bucket, startling everypony.

"AHH!" They shouted.

Twilight was holding a beer bottle in her left hoof, explaining everything. Her cheeks were a crimson color, and her eyes were slightly...derped. She attempted to climb out of the bucket, but instead fell down face first, a Los Pegasus souvenir bag dropping on the ground, spilling its contents.

What Rainbow Dash saw first was the dozens of pictures of her and the Wonderbolts, one of them with Twilight in one of their outfits.

What Applejack saw first was several bottles of alcoholic apple cider.

What Rarity saw first was her awful mane, tattered and tangled, and her tail, looking like one part had been ripped off.

What Fluttershy saw first was the animal hide laying on Twilight's back, with several alcohol stains on it.

What Pinkie Pie saw first were the sunglasses on her head, the Los Pegasus t-shirt she was wearing, and the colorful balloons strapped around her, each one saying Los Pegasus on them.

But what everypony saw, whether first or last, standing out from the rest, was the thick, golden ring on Twilight's horn. She slowly rose up from where she fell, snickering.

"Hey, *hic*, hey guys, I think-*hic*, I think I'm married!"