‘Oh no.’
Typical. Just typical.
The minute Twilight awoke, she found Rainbow’s bed empty. The duvet cover and pillows were neatly arranged, but there was neither hide nor hair of the cyan-coloured one.
This sort of thing always happens.
‘Spike!’ cried Twilight, awakening the lump beside Rainbow’s bed. ‘You were supposed to keep an eye on Dash! You know how she’s been ever since she got back from that earth place!’
Spike dusted himself off, staring at the bed. ‘I don’t know why she’d leave. She’s got a better bed, for one thing...’
‘Spike!’ That voice, in tandem with Twilight’s narrowing eyes, quieted Spike in seconds. ‘Come on! We’ve got to find her before...’
‘Before what?’ The door to Twilight’s bedroom opened slowly, and through it peeked the head of Rainbow Dash.
‘Oh! There you are!’
‘Well, that saves me a job,’ said Spike, approaching Dash.
‘Uh, hey, you guys,’ said Dash, stuttering a little, ‘I made you some breakfast, if you don’t mind. I mean, if I’m going to be staying with you, it’s the least I can do.’
‘Rainbow Dash,’ said Twilight, ‘You didn’t have to...’
‘Oh,’ Dash leapt up, ‘And I couldn’t sleep last night, so I helped you organise your books.’
Twilight fell silent for a few seconds, right before approaching Dash and placing a hoof on the back of her neck. ‘Is that the way “Dad” taught you, Dash?’
After her own little bout of silence, Dash replied, ‘Did you really become a superhero, just because I bragged a lot?’
Twilight backed away. ‘Well...’
‘Those memories...well...I’ve been a real jerk to you guys, and I want to make it up to you, I guess.’
‘Rainbow...’
‘Breakfast is downstairs.’
So down went Spike and Twilight and Rainbow to the library, where each of them dug into a bale of hay, without any of them saying a word between them, right before there was a knock on the door. ‘I’ll get it,’ said Dash, and, true to her surname, she bolted right to the front door to greet Fluttershy.
‘Fluttershy,’ said Twilight, just having finished her hay, ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Oh,’ said Fluttershy, ‘Rainbow promised me to help me with my shopping.’
‘Rainbow,’ said Twilight, ‘I think you need to...’
‘Wh-what?’ Rainbow Dash’s head swerved to and fro, to and fro. To Fluttershy, to Twilight. To Fluttershy, to Twilight.
Rubbing her temples, Twilight replied, ‘Just...go.’ With that, Futtershy and Rainbow Dash departed, Twilight fixing her eyes on the both of them. ‘Spike, take care of the library while I’m gone.’
Before Spike could say a word in protest, Twilight burst open the door and leapt into a bush. As soon as she caught another sight of Dash and Fluttershy, she crouched on her stomach, slithering like a snake towards their destination.
Sugarcube Corner.
As soon as Dash and Fluttershy entered the bakery, Twilight pressed herself above the outside wall, her ear perked to the window.
‘HIYA TWILIGHT!’ Collapsing to the ground, Twilight looked up to see none other than...who else? ‘Whatcha doin’?’
‘Rainbow Dash,’ replied Twilight, ‘I’m worried about her.’
‘Oh, I dunno,’ said Pinkie, looking upwards in a way that made it look like her neck was stretching, ‘I think she’s become a lot nicer.’
‘That’s the...whoa.’ Twilight pressed her ear to the window again, then turned back to Pinkie. ‘Pinkie Pie, how much do two cinnamon rolls cost at this bakery?’
‘Five bits, why?’
‘Mr. Cake just charged ten bits,’ replied Twilight, ‘right after Rainbow said “This one’s on me”.’
‘Oh, that Mr. Cake,’ said Pinkie, her hoof to her face. ‘He – ‘
‘Shush!’ Grabbing Pinkie by the hoof, Twilight took her behind the bakery, watching as Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy left.
‘I don’t see why you gotta be all uptight!’ squealed Pinkie, ‘Mr. Cake’s got two extra mouths to feed! He –‘ But in a second, Twilight was sneaking up to the two pegasi again. ‘Ooh, are we playing “spy” now, ‘cause I’m a really good spy I can be quiet and sneaky and shifty I think I’ve even got a trenchcoat somewhere...’
Twilight followed Fluttershy and Rainbow to the pet shop, where they bought some food for Fluttershy’s animals. Nothing happened there, but Twilight continued to look at them, even as they left the shop.
‘HERE!’ Out of nowhere sprung Pinkie Pie again, a pair of binoculars dangling from her foreleg. ‘If you wanna spy these are really good for spying...’
Taking the binoculars without comment, Twilight looked around the town square to see Pipsqueak near an ice cream stand, finishing up a bowl. As soon as he saw Rainbow, however, he threw the bowl to the ground and began to cry. ‘Hey, hey,’ said Rainbow Dash, darting up to the little foal, ‘What’s the matter?’
‘I dropped my ice cream bowl,’ said Pipsqueak in a voice whinier than usual, ‘and I have no money left.’
‘Hey, don’t worry, little guy,’ said Rainbow Dash, pulling some bits out of a satchel. ‘I’ll buy ya another.’
‘No!’ In darted Twilight Sparkle, landing right between Dash and the stand. ‘I mean...I’ll pay, don’t worry.’ So, in a few seconds, Twilight was a couple of bits poorer, Pipsqueak was one ice cream richer, and Twilight was walking with Rainbow and Fluttershy.
‘Rainbow...’ Twilight twitched. ‘You really shouldn’t let ponies take advantage of you like that. I mean, it’s good that you’re trying to be nice, but...’ All of a sudden, she noticed Rainbow shrink behind Fluttershy. ‘And cut that out too!’
‘I-I’m sorry.’
Rubbing her face with her hoof, Twilight attempted to regain herself before saying, ‘Anyway, Zecora asked me to come over to her place to help her with the magic-enhancing potion. Fluttershy, you have a good knowledge of plants, maybe you would like to come with? And maybe she can do something to help you, Rainbow Dash.’
Dash meekly replied, ‘Okay.’
Unbeknownst to poor little Twilight, she was being watched. As she spoke to Fluttershy and Dash, a little figure sat on a cloud above her. Pegasi were usually the only creatures in Equestria that could manipulate clouds, but this little eavesdropper was a small man in a purple suit and a matching bowler hat.
Mr. Mxyzptlk was no stranger to the universe of My Little Pony. He had been known to occasionally join the Joker in watching a couple of episodes, but then, one day, he brought none other than Discord into Gotham just for a game of wits. Well, more a game of wit, really. Who could cause the most chaos, who had the most imagination. It was the Joker and Stupidman that beat the draconequus, but Mxyzptlk still had to prove he was superior.
So he tried to remember what Discord had done, and think about how he could improve on it. Discord made Rainbow Dash a babbling, pathetic lump of blue goo for a few hours, so Mxyzptlk decided to do one better and make it so Dash was a babbling, pathetic lump of blue goo for life. Using his magic, he sent Rainbow Dash onto Earth as a baby, where she was found by none other than the Joker. He couldn’t let him be happy though, so Mxy sent Dash over to the lamest person he could find.
So Dash spent fifteen years being raised by a self-pitying, sappy brony, and she had changed for the worse. Hah, said Mxyzptlk inwardly, that unicorn’s sparkly horn-thingy couldn’t stop this, could it, Discord?
Mxyzptlk’s fun wasn’t over yet, however. If Twilight and her zebra friend were up to something, Mxy had to know about it – so he could tarnish it completely. A wise, bearded man had advised him once that working “behind the scenes” had its advantages, so he kept invisible as he followed Twilight, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash to the Everfree Forest.
When he got there, he saw a giant, transparent wall covering it. It looked like he could pass through it, but he didn’t, just to be on the safe side.
‘What’s that?’ Mxy heard Rainbow say.
‘Don’t you...oh, this wall was created by my brother and the other unicorn guards, with the help of Zecora’s magic-and-concentration-enhancing potions. It will alert Celestia and the guard if any enemy tries to get through, especially a Changeling. Do you remember those?’
Both Fluttershy and Dash shuddered in place.
‘You know, I don’t blame you for that reaction,’ said Twilight, quivering a bit herself, ‘I think Chrysalis was worse than even Discord.’
Mxy sprung into the air like a rocket.
He had seen that episode. It was initially just to laugh at the glamorisation of the wedding- he knew from experience that married life was hell – but if this Chrysalis was really worse than Discord...
He knew what Chrysalis looked like, sounded like, acted like, so all he had to do was think of her, and he would teleport himself to her location. All it took was a second of scrunching up his face really hard and –
‘P-U!’
Mxyzptlk was no longer floating in the sun-dappled fields of Equestria, but rather hovering above a selection of dark brown mountains, surrounded by gas that would be toxic to him if he were mortal. No trees or flowers bloomed, rather there was little to see except for the cracked ground and the jagged towers of the castle.
‘Who’s this chick’s decorator? HR Giger?’
Outside the castle gates stood two figures – Changelings. The Changelings Mxy saw looked like ponies with insect wings, but these guards were humanlike creatures with six elongated limbs, their faces so much of a mish-mash you couldn’t tell their eyes from their noses.
‘I think I’ll be taking the back door,’ said Mxy to himself, teleporting himself inside.
The castle’s interior had a little more colour than its exterior, if only because of the blazing torches that lit the halls. Tattered tapestries depicting warped beings were draped over blood-red bricks, and the air was filled with a rather irritating buzzing noise. Mxyzptlk floated through a random door in hopes of escaping that noise for a few seconds.
He found himself in another room illuminated by torches – torches held by the skeletons of little bunny rabbits. In the centre of the room, however, there were cages filled with rabbits that were actually alive – if they could be called that. Two emaciated rabbits huddled together in one cage, shivering violently. In another cage, a rabbit yelled at his partner, ‘Get away from me! I hate you and you hate...’ before breaking down into tears. Only one cage had a rabbit in solitude, a silent creature with a crown far too big for his head. Above them fluttered a worn and ragged banner –LUPTOPIA FOREVER.
The rabbit with the crown stirred when he saw Mxyzptlk, ‘Run.’
‘Whoa!’ Contrary to the creature’s demands, Mxy floated closer. ‘What happened to you? Ain’t bunnies supposed to be all lively and hoppy?’
‘Quiet!’ yelled the rabbit, grabbing Mxy by the bowtie, ‘The witch is everywhere! She hears all, sees all!’
‘You mean she’s like Santa Claus?’
‘This is no time for cracking jokes!’ The rabbit threw his crown to the ground. ‘My beautiful land lies in ruins! She and her monsters will be back to feed from us!’ All of a sudden, the rabbit collapsed to the floor of the cage, a quivering pointing towards a painting Mxy had overlooked – a bunny with greenish-grey fur, ears riddled with holes, fangs where buck teeth should have been, and a Cheshire smile.
‘So this is Chrysalis?’ asked Mxy. The rabbit nodded. ‘Wasn’t she a pony or somethin’?’
Do you not know what I am?
Mxy turned around to see a bubbling black blob emerge from the crack of the door. It rose, revealing itself as a writhing collection of mucus, tentacles and eyeballs.
‘Ooh, someone forgot to put on their makeup this morning! So, what’s with the bunnies?’
One of my finest moments. Feeding on the love of Queen of Luptopia until she rotted away into nothing. Taking on her form until my lovelies were able to penetrate the castle. Oh, how tasty the King’s love was. As was the power it gave me.
‘Hiya Queenie!’ said Mxy, using his magic to change his attire to a baseball cap and a t-shirt reading “Yay Chrysalis”. ‘I’m a big fan!’
That magic...you are not of Discord, are you?
‘What? No, I hate that blowhard!’
Chrysalis rubbed together two of her tentacles. Do you now? She leaned closer to Mxy, some of her smaller tentacles wriggling. Yes...that dislike does seem genuine.
Changing back into his usual attire, Mxy asked, ‘What do you have against him anyway? Not that I object.’
I need love to survive, and all these happy fantasy lands with their bunnies and puppies are ideal to feed from...and conquer. Equestria should have been the crown jewel of my collection, but Discord conquered it before I could, and I hadn’t the means to defeat him. Then those two alicorns did the job for me, but they were far too powerful...
‘What about the wedding?’
Chrysalis shot out a tentacle and tried to squeeze the life out of Mxyzptlk. Do not mention that incident in my presence!
‘Oh, come on!’ said Mxy, teleporting himself out of Chrysalis’ grip. ‘I don’t like Equestria much either. I think you’d be a much better ruler than Celestia. I’d certainly hang out with you over those six chumps.’
The bearers of the Elements of Harmony? They would have made perfect recruits for my Changeling army.
‘What if I told you I could you what you want?’
Chrysalis in her most natural form had nothing that resembled a mouth, yet it was still obvious that she was smiling. Go on.
‘So that’s also why you’ve come to see me? A change in your friend’s personality?’
‘Yeah, Zecora,’ said Twilight, nudging a still-cowering Rainbow Dash to come forward. ‘Do you have anything to help her?’
‘You may believe your friend is insane, but I do not like to alter the brain.’
‘Yeah, Twilight,’ said Rainbow, taking a quick look at Zecora’s many supplies – the potions, the vials, other assorted unknown things, ‘I’m happy the way I – why are you staring at me like that?’
‘Aside from your friend and her new-found fright, I sense something else isn’t quite right.’ Zecora stroked her chin with one of her forelegs. ‘What happened to this pony girl, and how did she end up in that other world?’
‘I told you,’ said Twilight, ‘It was one of my spells...’
‘It was not you, is what I say. She got to Earth some other way.’ Turning around, she peered at the many potions and books she had. ‘My kind has seen several places, with new magic and new races. I sense yet another world on Rainbow Dash, I’ll study her and do so fast.’ With her mouth, she took down a purple vial and then poured it into a large vat of some kind, giving the water within a greenish hint.
‘You want me to drink that?’ said Rainbow, her head jerking upwards.
‘I’m not asking you to take a sip,’ said Zecora, nudging Rainbow a little, ‘I’m asking you to take a dip.’
Before Dash could fly away, Twilight pushed her into the vat, causing greenish water to splash everywhere. The water in the vat, however, changed...tartan?
‘Oh,’ Zecora backed away until she hit a wall.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘It was not you who lost Dash, like I did mention. It was a being from the fifth dimension.’
‘What?’
‘A world that is feared and is abhorred. It’s full of tricksters not unlike Discord.’
‘A whole world of Discords? Come on Rainbow, I’m keeping my eye on you twenty-four seven!’
‘Harley! Harley!’
The sirens wailed outside, and the museum was now bathed in alternating red and blues, but Joker had been calling Harley long before the law arrived. It was supposed to be a quick in-and-out job – she was the one with the acrobatic training, so she was usually the fastest when it came to general thievery. Yet, while Joker was occupied with his own theft, Harley was taking her sweet time.
‘Harley!’
‘Comin’ Mister Jay!’ In sprung Harley, over her shoulder a bag with the classic dollar sign emblazoned on it. That never got old.
‘What kept you?’
‘Oopsie!’ said Harley, placing a finger on her lip.
‘Oh, you. Anywho, we gotta get out of here!’
‘Why?’
Joker furrowed his brow. ‘I’m not even going to bother justifying that with a one-liner.’
Harley looked at the flashing lights outside the museum, and then back at the Joker. ‘Why don’t we let them come, pudding? Then they’ll see what a great couple we are!’ Suddenly, she pinned the Joker down onto the ground, purring as she rested on him. ‘They’ll see we aren’t all bad.’
‘Harley, are you cra...are you stupid? We gotta...’ Harley smiled that suggestive smile. ‘Oh, I could never stay mad at you. Come here...’
A giant green beam appeared. Two of them, in fact.
Both beams emanated from Harley’s pom-poms, both aimed at the Joker’s face. Joker did nothing to fight it, not only because he was paralysed, but because it felt like harmful chemicals were being removed from his body.
‘Freeze!’ In burst the police, the bobbies with their guns and bravado.
They fell in seconds.
Launching more pom-pom beams, Harley stood triumphantly as she took down each and every cop. The fat one, the muscular one, the one that sort of looked like John Cleese if you squinted a bit.
‘Harley!’ said the Joker as he was finally able to move. ‘Where’d you learn that? It wasn’t Ivy, was it?’
With a smirk, Harley turned to face the Joker again, and launched more beams at him, paralysing him again. ‘The gnome was right. You are special.’
Gnome? The Joker’s first thought was that perhaps David was real, but his second thought...
‘Hiya!’ The little blighter himself. ‘I see you’ve met my new associate!’
As the beams disappeared, so did Harley. Her bright costume eroded away to reveal a tattered black dress. Her cap burst open to let loose a mess of floppy purplish hair and two twisted horns. Her clown make-up faded into her now-rotting skin.
‘Whoa,’ said the Joker, ‘You sure know how to pick ‘em, Mxy.’
What stood before Joker was a zombie, whose black dress hung as loosely from her body as her skin hung from her bones. Giant fly wings jutted from her back, making her look like a vandalised Christmas tree angel, and a bent crown rested atop her head.
I must thank you, human, she said, as she revealed her jagged teeth. Your love tastes...exotic.
‘Well,’ said the Joker, placing a hand on his chest, ‘I don’t like to boast...’
Silence! I have the resources and the army to overthrow this world, but fortunately for you, it has too little love to feed my children. The fun in domination is corruption, and your world is quite corrupt already.
‘Ooh! I love to dabble in corruption!’ Joker sprang up, placing a hand on the zombie’s shoulder. ‘Maybe you’re my type of woman after all!’
Human, I am Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings! You will obey me! She rose into the air a few centimetres, but the Joker stood where he was. Just then, Chrysalis descended, smirking slightly. You will accompany me on my little outing, a little...food for the trip, as it were. The love you have is special, and it might be just what I need to rule Equestria.
‘Equestria!’ Joker threw his arms in the air. ‘Oh pur-lease! I am so done with that place!’
‘Oh come on, Jokey, baby!’ cried Mxyzptlk, teleporting right in front of the Joker.
‘It’s your fault I’ve gone off ponies! You and Discord and Rainbow Dash...’
‘Speakin’ of ol’ Rainbow Dash, wouldn’t ya like to see her again after fifteen years?’
‘What? It hasn’t been...’
‘Comic book characters, remember? Knight and Squire?’
‘Ah, of course. Old Father Time’s a tricky customer...’
SILENCE! Joker was grabbed by the collar and brought face to face with Chrysalis. From what Mxyzptlk has told me, you are considered the greatest force of evil in this world. So are you not tempted to transform a lush, green abomination of a world into a more satisfying wasteland?
‘Hmm,’ said the Joker, placing a finger on his chin, ‘When you put it that way, maybe I can see myself assisting you.’
Excellent. Now, imp, could you use your teleportation, please?
With that, Mxyzptlk clicked his fingers and made him, Joker and Chrysalis disappear, sending all three of them to a field in Equestria. When they had arrived, Mxy and Joker stayed as they were, but Chrysalis had become a horse, only with her coat the same sickly colour as her “human” flesh, and with holes in her legs.
‘Ooh! Nice trick there!’ Joker looked in Chrysalis’ direction. ‘Clayface does it a little better but I dig the little holes...’
Another beam burst out from the unicorn horn Chrysalis now bore, slowly draining away some more of Joker’s love. Ah. Most delectable. And just what I need for my plan. Now where is Rainbow Dash?
‘From my skilled sleuthin’,’ said Mxyzptlk, making a deerstalker hat appear on his head. ‘I have deduced...’
‘Mxy!’ The Joker tapped Mxyzptlk’s head.
‘What?’
‘The hat!’
‘What about it?’
Pointing a finger into the air, Joker responded, ‘Everybody knows Sherlock Holmes only wore a deerstalker when he went to the countryside! He didn't wear it all the time! It was made fun of in the BBC series for Pete’s sake!’
‘Oh, pardon me for not being Mr. Literature! Sheesh, this is the type of thing I’d expect from Jervis...’
Enough! Where is Rainbow Dash?
‘She’s wit’ Twilight. Then again, I could just “poof” her here and...’
Chrysalis smiled. You could, but you should know, where’s the fun in that? If we capture her too quickly, we won’t get the satisfaction of feeling her heart slowly shatter. Then her love will be at its most scrumptious.
‘I’ve told you, Mxy,’ said the Joker, raising his arms, ‘These things must be given the care they deserve! I mean, murder is best done at a leisurely pace, as then...’
‘The victims show you who they really are. That last phrase was said by the Joker and Chrysalis in unison.
I have an idea on how we can capture Rainbow Dash and have a few laughs at the same time, continued Chrysalis, turning away from the Joker. Mxyzptlk, would you mind providing a distraction?
Making a pair of cymbals appear, Mxy smirked. ‘Distraction is my middle name.’
‘You sure this is a good idea?’ said Spike as he delivered another coffee to Twilight.
‘We can’t take any chances, Spike! One Discord was bad enough!’
‘But wasn’t it being kept inside for fifteen years that made Rainbow Dash like this in the first place?’
Rainbow Dash squirmed, but made sure to keep it subtle; she was pretending to be asleep, just to please Twilight and Spike. As much as she wanted to talk to them, to raise a point, she kept her eyes shut and breathed in and out, in and out.
And she thought.
Did Discord, or something like Discord, really bring her to that world? She quickly remembered when Twilight had restored her memories, right after she left Daddy and her warm cosy bed and her toys and his love. Discord, the mitch-match demon with the blazing yellow eyes, turning her and her friends against each other was the first memory to return. Just thinking about his reality-warping powers and his maniacal laugh made Dash’s skin crawl, just like the roar of the Manticore or the rotting body of Queen Chrysalis.
Discord and Chrysalis and Nightmare Moon weren’t in Daddy’s world. Daddy’s world was safe.
‘Didn’t Zecora say there was a way to defeat them?’
‘Yeah,’ said Twilight, ‘but seriously? Getting them to say their name backwards? How are we gonna do that?’
‘Well...’
Just then, there was a loud crash outside. Then another. Then another.
‘What the heck?’ Twilight leapt up, almost denting the ceiling with her horn.
‘It’s probably just Pinkie Pie.’
‘We can’t take any chances, Spike! Go downstairs and take a look! I’ll keep guard over Rainbow.’
Spike went downstairs, and after Twilight finished off her coffee, he came back. ‘That was quick.’
‘Twilight! There’s something you need to see outside! Come quick!’
Rainbow Dash so wanted to run down and help them, but Twilight said to stay in bed. Twilight was smarter than her. Twilight knew best. If Twilight had to go down by herself, Rainbow had to stay in bed.
‘Dashie?’
That voice?
Could it be...
Slowly, Rainbow Dash blinked open her eyes and saw the figure looming over her.
Yes, it was.
Chubby. Short. “20 percent cooler” t-shirt. Same fedora, same stubble...it could be no other.
‘Daddy! You came back!’
‘Of course,’ he said, holding out his hand, ‘You are my world, Dashie.’
She let him hold her hoof. This was it. Daddy had come to take her back. Away from the mean ponies and the monsters of this world and back to the safe home in the country he had. She wasn’t the same confident Rainbow Dash Twilight had befriended. That was a different pony completely. Dashie didn’t belong in Equestria. She belonged with Daddy.
‘Let’s go home,’ he said, and in a literal flash, they were back where they belonged.
Were they?
Dash didn’t see any white walls or neat vinyl flooring. She didn’t see any pictures of herself and Daddy cuddling. She didn’t see her toy cars or game controllers littering the floor.
She saw blazing red stone. She saw fiery torches. She felt hot air sting her body.
‘What’s wrong, Dashie?’
‘W-where are we?’
‘This is our home.’
Dash leapt from Daddy’s arms and took a look around. A variety of rancid stenches clutched at her nose, making her wince. ‘Nuh-nuh-no. W-what are you doing, Daddy?’
Daddy was gone.
His arms had elongated into slimy tentacles. His amount of eyes had multiplied. He had grown even fatter than before.
‘Wh-who are you?’
Don’t you remember me? Maybe this will jog your memory.
In a second, the writhing blob transformed. Standing before Rainbow Dash was a sight even more familiar than that of her father: a gangly carcass of a horse, with legs riddled with holes and a horn as bent as her mind.
Queen Chrysalis.
Dash remembered facing her, or at least she remembered the other Dash facing her. The other Dash bravely fought alongside her friends, battling an army of monsters, all to protect Canterlot.
Dashie, though? All she could do was shiver.
Isn’t this precious? Chrysalis came closer to Dash, the latter still frozen. Aw, is poor little Dashie afraid? With a blast of green energy from her horn, Chrysalis threw Dash to the other side of the hallway. Did that hurt?
‘Stop...’ Dash rubbed her face, biting her lip in an attempt to stop the tears from coming. Chrysalis came closer to her, moving at superhuman speeds.
You’re the hero. I’m the villain. Why don’t you fight me?
‘Nnnhh...’
Nnnhh? That’s all you can say? Moving at swift speeds again, Chrysalis kicked Dash in the stomach. You disappoint me. I was hoping for a battle. And to think, this is a pony who believes she can join the Wonderbolts?
Dash shielded her eyes with her hooves.
You are a barrel of laughs though, so you will likely provide amusement for my new associates...
‘...and after I found Spike tied up outside the library, I went back upstairs and found the note.’ Twilight read it out again:
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Thanks to some help from the fifth dimension, your little friend is now being held in my castle. If you wish to see her alive, you and your four other allies must join my army as Changelings. You have forty-eight hours to decide. If you bring the cops the royal guard, your friend will be a shrivelled husk by the time you see her. Decide quickly, I may get hungry while I wait.
Love, Chrysalis
‘This situation is indeed very grave, we must act fast if Dash is to be saved.’ When Twilight had found the note, she had not only gathered her friends, but brought them over to Zecora’s, in hopes that she might be able to help them.
‘So we got a whole world o’ Discords, and one of ‘em is workin’ with the Changeling Queen,’ Applejack sighed. ‘Some days I just wished I stayed in bed.’
‘Okay, Zecora,’ said Twilight as she turned to the zebra, ‘Do you have any potions or magic relating to changelings?’
‘Indeed, I do, Twilight, my friend, though I can’t guarantee you won’t meet your end.’ She grabbed a large pot from a nearby shelf. ‘Rub this lotion onto your skin, when entering the queendom of evil and sin, the beings will be unable to drain you of your love, a great benefit if you are brave enough.’
After Zecora brought out the lotion and the ponies rubbed it over their bodies, Twilight turned back to the letter, which had an enclosed incantation that would teleport her and her friends to the land of the changelings. She silently read over it thrice, noting the part that said it could only work once and how one of the words sounded a bit like a naughty word she had heard once. Nonetheless, after Applejack and Rarity and Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie all steeled themselves, Twilight read out the incantation and in a second –
‘Wow! This place is really, really dull! I mean, why do villains have to live in such boring brown places I mean at least when Discord took over he made everything all colourful and fun and...’
‘Pinkie!’ Twilight would have sighed, but the smog of Chrysalis’ world could only make her cough. Holding her breath, she lead the other four ponies towards Chrysalis’ castle – it was not hard to find, considering how it loomed over all the land.
‘Why, hello. Big fan.’
When the five ponies had reached the gates, they saw not Changeling guards, nor Rainbow Dash in a cage or anything of that nature. Rather, they saw a human whose noisy clothes clashed with the browns around him. His pale white face seemed to glow in the fog.
Twilight stepped forward. ‘Who are you?’
‘Allow me to introduce myself. I’m The Joker.’
‘You ain’t one of them dern fifth-dimensional weirdoes, are ya?’
‘Of course not! Though my little amigo comes from that area, I have nothing to do with it. I hear the parking there’s really expensive!’
‘Shut up!’ cried Twilight, her foreleg slamming against her forehead. ‘Where is Rainbow Dash?’
‘And here I thought you were the bookworm, Twilight! Didn’t you read the note? You must surrender yourselves and join Chrysalis’ army before you can see your friend again.’ Joker said before holding his head in his hands and crying out in pseudo-agony, ‘Oh, what a hard choice to make!’
Twilight charged.
She darted towards the Joker with a glowing horn, but all it took to stop her was the Joker waving his finger. ‘Naughty, naughty! If you hurt me, Dashie will di-ie!’
Sighing, Twilight replied, ‘Take us to the Queen.’
And that was what the Joker did.
After walking through dank hallways with flaming torches, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie all entered Chrysalis’ throne room. To Rarity’s disappointment, there was no lavishly-decorated and elegant throne, but rather a gigantic blob the colour of emptiness sitting in the middle of the room, its tentacles reaching into strange tubes hanging off the ceiling. The tubes detached as soon as Twilight set hoof within the throne room, and the blob shrunk down before transforming into a form Twilight was more familiar with.
Ah. I was afraid you wouldn’t come.
‘Where’s Rainbow Dash?’
Lifting her decaying hoof, Chrysalis gestured towards the end of the room where Dash lay in a cage. There she is. Now, are you going to be good little ponies and get in the transformation pods?
Raising an eyebrow, Twilight asked, ‘Just one last thing; may we see your associate from the fif...’
‘I thought you’d never ask!’ In a puff of smoke, there emerged a little man in a purple suit and bowler hat. ‘Yes, this whole scheme was my idea, includin’ puttin’ that blue wingy-ding in that other world! She wouldn’t even be here were it not for me! Are you impressed?’
‘Why did you do it?’
‘Because I’m evil! I’m a baddie! Much more of one than Discord, I might add.’
Enough chit-chat! I said I’ll let your friend go if you join my army! So, are you going to? Or would you rather watch as Rainbow Dash slowly wastes away into nothing?
Before Twilight could open her mouth in response, Applejack leapt to the centre of the group. ‘Listen here, queenie, I ain’t gonna stand by while you and your...’
‘Applejack.’ Twilight hung her head and sighed. ‘We’ll be your servants.’
‘Um, Twi, what in tarnation do ya think...’
‘Quiet.’
Very good. Mxyzptlk, escort them to the transformation pods.
With a click of his fingers, Mxyzptlk teleported Twilight and friends to another room – one the same colour as the other rooms of the castle, but holding a variety of what looked like giant pea pods. Each of them resembled the mouth of a hungry dragon.
‘Geez, clicking your fingers?’ said Twilight, rolling her eyes, ‘That’s original.’
‘Shut up and get in the pods!’
‘Oh sure,’ said Twilight, ‘we’ll get in the pods, help Chrysalis take over Equestria but she’ll take all the credit for our conquests. So, we’ll basically be like you.’
‘What are you talking about?’
‘Celestia told me all about Chrysalis. She has such an ego; there’s barely enough room in this castle for it and you. So despite all the evil and chaos you’ve created, she’ll still take the credit for it. The history books will say she weakened Rainbow Dash. It’s just as well, I mean, you’re certainly no Discord...’
‘What? You take that back!’
‘She’s right, you know,’ said Rarity, stepping forward, ‘Discord had a certain je ne sais quois to him. You’re just a pale imitation!’
‘He’s an imitation of me! In fact, he’s an imitation of an imitation of me!’
‘Yeah,’ said Pinkie, ‘but you’re not as fun as Discord was.’
‘What do ya mean? I can be fun! You want chocolate milk, here!’
A small pink cloud hovered above Pinkie, raining chocolate milk that she then guzzled. ‘Nope, doesn’t taste as good.’
‘What a pathetic little thing,’ said Twilight, ‘if he was really all-powerful, he’d overthrow Chrysalis. He’d change Rainbow back to her old self and have her beat up Chrysalis and the Joker. But...he can’t even make good chocolate rain, so...’
‘Oh yeah? Well, I’ll show you!’
You may go, Rainbow Dash. Chrysalis, still in her moth-eaten pony form, unlocked the door to Dash’s cage, but Rainbow Dash still cowered. But, you’ll have to make your own way out. Rainbow Dash slowly trotted out of the cage, shuddering all the while.
Boo.
Dash dove right back into the cage.
‘Ooh, good show, Chrysy!’ The Joker clapped his hands, nearing the cage himself. ‘Now let me have a go!’ He stuck his face right in front of Dash’s, allowing her a good whiff of his breath.
‘What...’ Dash spoke, shuddering in a different way. ‘...are you doing...to my friends?’
‘We’re just giving them a little makeover.’ The Joker placed a hand on his chest. ‘I daresay they could use a new look.’
Then he fell over backwards.
Rainbow Dash had zipped out of the cage, and kicked the Joker right in the stomach. ‘You stay away from them, you hear me?’
Insolent little brat! Chrysalis flew to Rainbow Dash, only to get a hoof to the chin, making her disorientated enough to crash to the ground right next to the Joker.
‘Oh, look at how my little angel has grown up,’ said the Joker, ‘I’m so...’ Then he got a hoof jammed into his mouth. ‘Talk about your hoof and mouth dis...’ Another hoof in the mouth.
Rising, Chrysalis spat in Dash’s face. You dare defy me? The Queen of the Changelings? Her form inflated back into the humongous blob with myriad eyes and writhing tentacles. If you really believe yourself worthy enough to face me, why not battle me like this?
‘Bring it,’ said Rainbow Dash.
A tentacle shot out towards Rainbow, but Rainbow darted away from it in an instant. Flapping her wings as quickly as she could, she made her way towards Chrysalis’ biggest eye, with every intent on poking it. Before she could, however, another of Chrysalis’ tentacles ensnared her and threw her around the room. Still, she managed to slither free, and kick another, smaller eye.
And all of this was being viewed by a little man and five ponies.
‘See, I told ya I could do it!’
‘But you’re not brave enough to fight Chrysalis yourself, are you?’ said Twilight, ‘She’s a right...kil...tip...sey...zim.’
‘She’s a Kltpzyxm? What are you...’ Mxy’s eyes grew wider. ‘Ah...’
In a second, Twilight and her friends were back in Equestria. They, including Rainbow Dash, had just appeared before a rather startled Zecora.
‘Good to see you had success,’ said Zecora, before lowering her head, ‘Now will you please pick up that mess?’ Twilight looked down to see her teleportation had upset some of Zecora’s bottles and slowly began to pick them up.
‘What in the hey did you teleport us back here for?’ Rainbow Dash yelled, raising her forelegs. ‘I was about to cream Chrysalis! That changeling didn’t stand a chance! I was about to give her the old heave-ho! Rainbow Dash, conquerer of the Changelings!’
‘Well,’ said Applejack, ‘It’s good t’ have the old Rainbow Dash back.’
‘Good to be back. Now let me tell you about how I would’ve finished her off...’
Meanwhile, back at Chrysalis’ castle, the Joker had begun to dodge some tentacles himself, as Queen Chrysalis, still as a giant blob, chased him. ‘Ah! Stop!’
Stay still! If I can't have Dash's love, I'll have yours!
‘Harley!’
In the basement of the Gotham museum, a poor woman lay, tied to a chair.
‘Help! Puddin’! Mister Jay! Heck, I’ll take Bats!’ She paused for a minutes. 'It's those darn ponies again, isn't it?'
