😍 You Paired Me with Who!? 💓 Pipp Petals Edition

by Pipp Petals

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Random, Romance, Pipp Petals, Comedy, My Little Pony: A New Generation
Length: 1237

Hi Pippsqueaks, it’s me, Pipp Petals! And today I’ll be reacting to fan ships with me in them!

Did I sleep with Hitch?

Am I jealous of Izzy Moonbow?

What do I think about crypto and NFTs?

Find out the answers to these questions and more in this Fimfiction exclusive story, where I'll be reacting to fan ships with me in them~!! :heart:

Audio reading by the super talented StraightToThePointStudio!

Published 2022-01-10 06:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-01-10 06:40:01 UTC

Seriously, you paired me with WHO!?

So, apparently a lot of fans out there have been pairing me with different ponies. So, because I always like to give back to all you fans (and I’m desperate for more content), I’m here to give you my opinions on all these pairings.

Here goes~! :heart:

LivestreamShipping: Izzy x Pipp

Ohmygosh, I love Izzy! In the friend sorta way. I tell ya, I took one look at her, and I knew in, like, one second that that unicorn was built for the stage. Infectious smile, bubbly personality, wit and charm!

Just like looking in a mirror~!

And it was such a shame that her talent was squandered for so long being trapped in such a depressing place as Bridlewood. Glad that she’s now on social media and spreading her cheer to all of Equestria!

(Though she now has more followers than me on PonyGram and it’s lowkey kinda weird. Is this what it feels like to be yesterday’s trend? To be a has-been? To watch a new, young, shiny star eclipse your once iridescent fame?

Is this what it feels like…

…to be OLD!?)

But I’m only 21!

WokeShipping: Sunny x Pipp

Another lesbian ship, huh? Well, I guess I never said I didn’t like girls in that way…

Sunny’s cool too! She’s a worldwide hero, but of course you don’t need me to tell you all that. I’ve been giving her lessons on how to manage being a celebrity (it’s harder than you think!), and she’s such a quick learner, you know. Like, during that dance match with Alphabittle, she picked up dancing so fast, it was like, actually uncanny. Like, TBH, it took me a lifetime of practice and a dozen tutors to finally get good at dancing on stage. And she masters it in, like, ten seconds. Like, I’m telling ya, I’m lowkey kinda jealous.

I really need to get Sunny to be a guest on one of my livestreams. Help me generate new content. And, you know, it’ll kinda smooth out the whole “royals lying that they can fly” issue if I’ve got the pony who brought flight magic back to distract my viewers.

Gosh, don’t you just love getting cancelled?

…

…

NOT!

AgreeShipping: Hitch x Pipp

Hitch is a wonderful stallion. Much better than all those snooty ponies from Zephyr Heights that Mom used to set me up with. He’s more…down-to-earth I’d guess you say.

I didn’t tell you, that first night the five of us ponies were camping, Hitch accidentally fell asleep on my wings like a pillow. Oh my gosh, his head was so heavy! And it was really hot and sticky that night, and his sweat…it soaked in! And you know my downy wings can’t get wet! I mean, not that I hate him for it or anything. He was really embarrassed when he woke up the next day, and he apologized to me a ton. And that was nice. But I still wouldn’t want Hitch to fall asleep on my wings on a hot night ever again.

(Next time, it’ll have to be someplace air-conditioned.)

Hitch is a good pony. He has morals. He supports his friends. And most importantly, that perfect mane…

We’ve all parted ways, now that magic has returned. I wonder where Hitch is now. Sunny tells me he’s starting a new pet daycare. I wish the best for him, and wherever his future journeys lead him, to Maretime Bay, or Bridlewood, or Zephyr Heights—

No, he’s not in Zephyr Heights. Definitely nowhere near Zephyr Heights.

And definitely nowhere near my bedroom.

And he’s definitely, definitely not in the shower right now. 😉

HangingShipping: Zipp x Pipp

…

My sister!?

Come on, there can’t actually be fans that think we…

…oh…

…oh good lord.

How do you perma-delete your search history again? (Mental note: use BuckBuckGo next time.)

I will admit though, Zipp and I look really different, and a lot of ponies who meet us for the first time can’t believe that we’re siblings. The funniest response I remember was two years ago, when Zipp and I went on winter vacation to Buckinridge Mountain (Zipp shreds powder down the double black diamond slopes, I sit and drink hot chocolate while showing off my winter wardrobe). And the poor baggage attendant, bless his soul, said to me, “Madame, may I escort you and your husband to your room?”

And then after that Zipp locked herself in the hotel bathroom the whole afternoon and had this whole, like, “identity crisis.” (Which I may or may not have secretly livestreamed with an air freshener camera.)

The point is, Zipp and I are really different. Sometimes Zipp and I joke about which one of us is the adopted one.

I don’t know that makes this ship less creepy or more creepy.

MommysFavoriteShipping: Queen Haven x Pipp

My mom!? Seriously, enough with these.

SizeDifferenceShipping: Alphabittle x Pipp

Izzy introduced me to Alphabittle. He actually gave me a lot of useful marketing tips to help boost my album sales! Who knew that being a gambler also makes him a good businessman?

But yeah, no. Noooo way. He’s almost three times my age!

GerminationShipping: Sprout x Pipp

Ugh. What a jerk. And I hate a man with mommy issues.

Also, didn’t he make some homophobic comments at one point? Ugh, I’m so triggered.

(Not that I’m attracted to mares myself, but well…you…you know what I mean.)

SelfieStickShipping: Pipp x Pipp (self)

Okay, the biggest sin with this is, like, the implication that I still use a selfie stick.

Really!? Come on, get with the program! Selfie sticks are so, like, five years ago!

You know what isn’t “so five years ago”, though? Crypto and NFTs!!

PippTeaShipping: NFT x Pipp

Really? You just had to pick up off that last line I said, didn’t you?

NFTs are for making money, not making love. And just because I bought an overpriced NFT of the September page of Hitch’s calendar, doesn’t mean you have to, like, rub it in my face.

PippCoinShipping: Bitcoin x Pipp

Okay, first, that was for a music video. It was artistic. Artistic, you hear me!?

And second, why should you care that I rolled around naked in a pool filled with golden Bitcoins? Filly, look at your own pony self in the mirror sometime. We’re all butt naked.

FalloutShipping: Littlepip x Pipp

Why do we have almost the same name? And is she wearing a military uniform or something? It’s certainly nothing like what our royal guards wear.

PippsqueakShipping: Pipsqueak x Pipp

First of all, he’s a kid. Funny his name is Pipsqueak, because he honestly does kinda look like some of my child fans.

But why does he look so…how do I say this without being offensive…

…flat?

PopstarShipping: Countess Coloratura x Pipp

She’s a pop star like me, I guess. But what’s with all these 2D ponies?? I feel like I’m gazing into some alternate dimension.

Well, that was…interesting to say the least! Can’t say I’m all that honored by my fandom, but…content is content I guess! Remember to like and fav this story, and follow my Fimfic page for updates on my upcoming cryptocurrency, Pippcoin!

Oop, it's my turn to get in the shower! Bye for now! Pip pip hooray~~!!! :heart: :heart: :heart: