Author's Note

Idea for this was based on how radiation in both Fallout and STALKER and such games can be reduced by chugging entire bottles of Vodka in milliseconds. Obviously though, Littlepip has some issues with this game mechanic. Skill issue tbh

FoE: Lilpuke

Long ago, when there were sunshine and rainbows, ponies used to welcome the new year with a wild night. Full of hopes for the new year, making pledges and promises they wouldn't keep, and of course plenty of drinking until the clock hit midnight. In a sense, right now I was carrying on the legacy, carrying the torch for their scattered dreams...

"h-HOOOAAARRKK!"

...Because I was currently puking my guts out in a broken porcelain throne.

With a cough and a groan I steadied myself to sit back up as I futilely spat out the taste of bile. Even if I somehow got the flavor out of my mouth I knew I was just gonna coat it with another upchuck sooner or later. Burping as saliva pooled in my mouth, I checked my Pipbuck quickly to see how my Rads were doing: Still in 'Minor Rad Sickness' territory if the frowning Applebloom in the corner had anything to say about it.

Celestia's prolapsed ponut, I was going to have to drink even more to get rid of this!

The rancid taste of Radaway was starting to seem much more palatable than yet another beer...I really wished I had some on me right now. My rads started getting high and I thought I could keep it in check with alcohol, but apparently I didn't account for how much of a lightweight I was. It should have been obvious though: 4 beers in and my small flat stomach was feeling and looking bloated, like I was 3 months pregnant!

Another squelching burp passed my lips as my sloshing stomach started to twist again. With practiced reflex I dipped my head back into the bowl again as the hoppy mixture of beer and bile shot up my throat and splattered into the toilet. It was watery and brackish at least, and came out easily from my throat. But the ease of puking seemed to just embolden my stomach to just send up more and more...

Each burping hiccup that traveled up my throat was followed by a spray of foamy chyme, giving me split seconds to catch a breath between bouts of sickness. Finally after nearly a half a minute the last helping of the vile bile splashed into the growing pool of puke in the toilet. I coughed and gasped for air as I spat out again.

"Oouaaghh...Luna hoof me until I split in two..."

Shakily I leaned back, pulling my head away from my new year's ritual cauldron. The toilet was already half way full, and without running water there wasn't anything I could do if it became full. I could just puke in the sinks or just a random corner technically, but being able to cuddle up to the toilet and grip onto it for dear life when a really bad bout washed through you was a luxury I got used to in Stable 2.

I never had a drop of alcohol before I left that fateful day, but I was known for getting the stomach flu constantly. And with my Mom usually occupying our own toilet for her own hangover's, I had to claim a public stall as my own sometimes. One day a few mares put a sign over a certain one I habitually used. It had a poorly drawn biohazard and even shoddier written words over it in green:

"LittlePuke's Ritual Chamber, don't enter!"

I didn't make it to the toilet that time and puked in the sink.

A wet burp snapped me back to my present pukathon. A false alarm? Eh. I kept my hand over my mouth for a few seconds in case, then a sudden spell of dizziness made me lean back a bit too much, having to catch myself from flopping onto my bare back by leaning against the walls of the stall.

Despite purging 3 beers, I was still feeling drunk, making this entire ordeal even worse since I had to keep myself steady to avoid just puking all over the place. I already got some vomit splattered over my Stable 2 suit, so I didn't want to place bets that I wouldn't mess up my undershirt. Or my bra even. The only thing I had on were some lacey pink panties I found at the ruins of Coco's Secret. Which also was where I got rad poisoning.

"Why in the fuck were they storing radioactive waste in a Lingerie Shop!? Uarp..."

I was worried I'd ruin it, I was hoping to surprise Homage with it when I came back, but I was still too sick and drunk to care to endure having my bare flanks pressed against the cold bathroom tile. Luckily it seemed like it was spared, for now.

Leaning over I dug through my saddlebags looking for my liquor stash. Even looking at the bottle of "Hard Apple Brewery© Big Mac IPA™" made me gag...but I needed to get the radiation fully out of my system. I would need to somehow stomach 3 more beers of these without puking mid chug and choking to death. Great.

Hmm. Maybe...? I shuffled through the stash again and pulled out the unopened bottle of Sparkle Cola® Zigzag Seas Rum™ I normally avoided hard liquor, it gave me a much worse hangover than any beer could. But theoretically it was much less liquid I had to swallow down than beer. It was a lather large Rum bottle too, with a comically oversized plastic casing to look like a Pirate Ship.

...On the other hoof it was going to burn like Gonorrhea from Celestia coming up probably. Then again, I never tried it before or even seen it before: It was some sort of limited edition collectors drink I found in a Sparkle Cola factory a week ago...

Was it even safe? It could have been some weird failed pre-war experiment, Luna knows how many there are.

Another testing burp and a tingle in my throat added a timer to my decision making. I wanted to at least get this over with before I started doing the technicolor yawn again!

"Uurgh...Screw it!"

I swallowed a gag before popping the cork on the bottle and downing it before any interruptions could arise. The rum had a weird carrot aftertaste, but it didn’t burn that much going down. If anything my ravaged throat seemed to be soothed by it. My stomach definitely didn’t like this new invader as it groaned loudly, but the liquor numbed it as well with a warmness. That may be dangerous, but it felt sooo good to finally have some relief.

A small tingle in my throat made me pull the rum away and lean my head back over the toilet bowl in caution, but it was just another small belch. Ugh. My puke smelled awful...I pulled away and went back to chugging the rum to try and forget about the stench before it made me gag. After gulping for dear life I finally stopped to catch my breath, and check my rads: Slight Rad Exposure. That’s a lot better, but I figured I may as well hit zero before the sickness comes back. With a deep breath I went back to chugging, rubbing my stomach as I felt it start to bloat up a bit more from all the extra liquid being forced into it...

I finally pulled away and set the rum bottle down as I felt my stomach become tight, already feeling full somehow even though I just got done hurling up half of it. I checked the Rum bottle to see how far I got: looks like I managed to drink about 2/3rds. I took some short breaths while rubbing my stomach before I forced down the last 3rd with large gulps.

“Ooogh, so full...”

I had to stand up while keeping a hand on my belly to relieve some pressure on my stomach. That may have been too much...No more nausea yet but the heat of the liquor in my stomach was starting to shift and slosh around. I couldn’t sense my stomach flopping around now from how numb it’d have become. However, I could feel the rumbling and vibrations from my hand massaging my belly...Which was now looking much larger than it should have from what I drank.

And it was getting larger.

“Fuck me with Luna’s horn, something’s wron-Urrgkh!”

Somehow it was suppressing my nausea too! Dammit dammit dammit. I start shoving a finger down my throat, bringing up gags and coughs and splashes of saliva, but nothing else is coming up! Desperately, I dug through my saddlebags to look for anything to help...Anything?...There! An emergency emetic I kept around in case I got poisoned...Goddesses, this was going to suck. It really really made you turn your entire stomach inside out. Looking down though, I saw that my stomach was already starting to bloat even more. Fuck, I had to do this!

I quickly forced several of the pills down my throat and then kept digging into my gag reflex with a finger. The gagging wasn’t doing anything still, but as soon as the pills hit my stomach it got to work. Even through the numbness, I could feel my stomach doing somersaults from the drug’s effects. Then like a volcano, I could feel the pressure build and then release as my entire body seized from my stomach blasting up a large wave of the foaming Rum up my throat. I could only aim my head down just in time before it rushed out of my mouth and nose like a fire hose.

“HHUUOGOGHRRHHL!”

I just wouldn’t stop! With no breaks in between, the bubbling rum just kept flowing up and out my mouth in a constant ralphing stream. I couldn’t focus on aiming into the toilet from the intensity of the vomiting, the only thing I could do was grip the sides of the bowl for dear life as my stomach folded itself inside out to push everything out. There was no chance to catch my breath as it suddenly ramped up in intensity, shooting out of my nose with pressurized force and splattering into the now overflowing sea of vomit.

I could feel my unholy emesis overflowing the toilet now, the mixture of the beer and rum upchuck billowing over my hands and splashing down onto the floor. There was nothing I could do though, it was still coming...I could only whimper as the puke stream dragged on to the half minute mark. Was this it? Was this how I died!? Puking myself to death until I drowned? All it would take would be for me to try and breath and accidently force the stream down into my lungs...

Finally it stopped, for just a moment, immediately as I gulped down for a breath I was interrupted as another fresh stream started rising out of my stomach. I had enough time to start pulling away from the overflowed toilet and headed to plan B: The sink! I was about a foot away from the sink as the next river of hurl projected out of my mouth. It was so pressurized though that the puke traveled the distance and splashed straight into the sink. I stood there, shaking and weak as I just aimed in the general direction of the sink and chundered all over the sink. I barely got any in...most of the dark brown rum splashed onto the mirror or around the tile wall.

I collapsed to my knees just as the last of the volley splattered through my nose, fully painting the walls. I could barely breathe, belches building in my throat but unable to escape...I checked my Pipbuck one last time before collapsing and drifting away to unknown darkness.

RAD Level: No Radiation Detected

Bonus Perk: Dark Streams Rank 1 - Shouldn’t have drank that rum...You now have a stomach virus that constantly bloats your own stomach with fresh Sparkle Cola Rum, but maybe you can use this to your advantage. At rank 1, you can puke out a steady stream of Rum on command. You also gain double effects from all alcohol. At higher ranks, your Rum vomit will increase in power, eventually allowing you to propel yourself with your puke!