A gift straight from the heart.
In the past ten years, Equestria had seen many changes. Ponyville was one of many towns that had shifted from pony-exclusive populations to include Kirin, Dragons, and Griffins, to name but a few. The streets of this town have had every kind of foot, shoe and claw stride across them.
The long and pointed black leather shoes that stepped out of a portal, however, belonged to a creature this world had never seen before. After the portal blipped out of sight, the long-horned Imp closed the large grimoire and looked around. His shark-toothed smile grew wide as his yellow eyes adjusted to the mid-day sunshine.
“Well, Los Angeles should be . . . crap-nuggets!” His pupils widened when he saw rolling green hills that were topped with concrete buildings. That part didn’t throw him for a loop so much as the fact that he didn’t see one human anywhere. Instead he saw, well . . .
“Ponies? With tattooed butts?” He smacked the book with the back of his hand in frustration. “This isn’t Earth! What the Heaven is going on? What’s wrong with this stupid portal spell?”
“Well, you didn’t drop into the ocean, so that counts for something, right?” chirped a cheerful voice behind him.
The Imp shrieked, jumping several feet straight up. While in mid-air, he reached into his black jacket and pulled out a gun. When his feet hit the pavement, he pointed the weapon at a blue-eyed pink pony with a cotton candy-like mane and tail.
She sniffed the barrel, wrinkling her muzzle. “What’s that thing?”
He tilted his head, the way a dog does when hearing a new word. “You don’t know what a gun is?”
The mare giggled. “No. Do you know what a Gazornanplatt is?”
The Imp blinked. “Can’t say that I do.”
“Well, of course not!” Her already large eyes widened even further as she grinned, tapping the barrel. “You can’t know what something is unless you see it at least twice! And since a Gazornanplatt is just something I made up, there’s no way you could know what it is! Do you follow me?”
Normally the Imp would have simply pulled the trigger without a second thought. Something stayed his hand, however. This Pepto-Bismol equine seemed about as harmful as a cotton ball. Ending her would feel as wrong as finishing the life of the Hellhound he adopted.
Slipping his gun back into his coat, he shrugged and said, “Yeah, I get it. Barely.”
Stepped closer, she stuck out a welcoming hoof. “Welcome to Ponyville, stranger! What’s your name?”
“Blitzo,” he replied as he shook her hoof which vibrated like a massive tuning fork.
“Just Blitzo?”
“Yeah, most Imps don’t get last names.” He broke off the frantic hand/hoof shake, massaging his semi-numb fingers.
“That must make it difficult for you to get your mail delivered,” she said with a giggle. “ I’m Pinkie Pie!”
Blitzo raised an eyebrow. “Really? Your parents named you that on purpose?”
Pinkie nudged his hip with a hoof playfully. “Hey! Don’t name-shame! Your name sounds like something I’d see in a circus poster!”
“Er . . . yeah. Imagine that.” Coughing away his flush of embarrassment, he waved a hand around him. “What country am I in, anyway?”
“Equestria. ”
He flinched in surprise. “As in a world of horses?”
“Ponies, silly!” Pinkie started hopping on all four hooves around the Imp. Somehow she also generated a cartoonish poinging noise. Blitzo wondered if this bizarre mare had dog squeak toys implanted in her legs. “Not just ponies, either! We have Griffons, Yaks, Changedlings, Seaponies and even dragons! And that’s just in this district!”
The world seemed to tilt a few degrees. Blitzo convinced his feet to walk towards a nearby bench under a large oak tree. Perhaps some shade would help straighten him up.
Pinkie plunked herself down next to him. “You look a little off-kilter. Do you need a sugar boost?”
Blitzo’s stomach perked up and poked his ribs at the suggestion of food. “Yeah, that would be great, but I don’t see any food trucks or . . . where did you get the soda and muffins from?”
Putting a tray that held an ice cold glass of root beer and two lemon muffins onto his lap, she answered, “They’re from me, you big silly! Free of charge! Dig in!”
The inner voice that warned him of poisoned food was drowned out by the welcoming scent of fresh lemon drifting from the sugar-crusted topping of the muffins. He took a cautious bite from one. The flavor was . . .
was . . .
Imps are born into the world of Hell. This ugly, often psychotic world has its own eco-system, currency and culture. What it lacked, however, was the ability to make decent food.
Blitzo was sobbing as he devoured his meal. He gulped down the soda as crumbs flew from his mouth.
Pinked yelped, “Slow down, Blitzy! You’re going to give yourself a stomach-ache!” Peering closer at the feeding frenzy, she asked, “Are you crying?”
Cutting loose with a throat-shaking burp, Blitzo whimpered, “I-I’m not crying! You’re crying! I just got crumbs in my eyes! And don’t call me—BOOORP—‘Blitzy’! Only my lo . . .er . . .friend calls me that!”
Handing him a napkin, which also appeared to have phased into existence, she replied, “Okay, sorry. Just take it easy, okay? I don’t want my new friend to hurt himself after only being here for five minutes.”
He wiped the moisture from his eyes with the napkin. Licking his fingers clean with his forked tongue, Blitzo asked, “Friend? Kiddo, I only just met you.”
“Yeah, but we’re getting along just fine, aren’t we? I’m friends with everycreature! Even when I don’t feed them.”
“Speaking of which, how did you do that little trick with the muffins and soda?”
“Oh, I got them from my Hammerspace,” Pinkie replied, matter-of-factly, pointing a hoof at her mane.
Sticking a finger in one ear, Blitzo tried to recover his obviously reduced hearing. “Who to the what now?”
Pinkie held a hoof to her muzzle as she snickered. “They all say that. It never stops being funny! It’s my storage space where I keep everything I need to get through the day, Blitzo.”
“Do all of your kind have this . . . talent?”
Rubbing her chin, she pondered, “Well, Twilight says I’m a special case because my Hammerspace doesn’t seems to have limits. She has this theory that with the right spells, I can grab stuff from other realities.”
A light bulb went off in Blitzo’s mind. “Say, Pinkie? Is it possible for me to take a peek and see or is that too intrusive?”
She shrugged, “Nah, I don’t mind. I’m glad you asked first, though.” She pulled away a portion of her mane and said, “Just don’t touch anything.”
That same voice that squawked at Blitzo for eating food from strangers was now barking about putting himself in danger. The gun in his jacket holster called to him for a brief instant. He mentally shushed both voices. Something about Pinkie made the Imp trust her unconditionally. Maybe it was the mare’s kindness that made him feel more relaxed than he had been in weeks. Perhaps it was the idea that she could be a homicidal lunatic was too ludicrous for him to consider. Taking a deep breath, he pushed his head into her mane.
“How in Satan’s sweet name did you get an apple cart in here?”
“It wasn’t easy. The wheel’s splinters kept catching in my mane.”
“It looks like Loo-Loo land exploded in here! Is that an Espresso machine?”
Pinkie snorted. “I keep forgetting to get rid of that thing. It’s been busted for weeks.”
“Crap, I was hoping I could maybe buy it.”
“Oh, do you like coffee?”
Blitzo looked past the machine and saw a door in the distant shadows. Did he just hear the door click shut? He found it hard to breath in the Hammerspace, so he pulled his head out before he could hear anything else.
The Imp replied, “Well, my friend likes a cup of Joe occasionally.”
Adjusting her mane to its original shape, Pinkie asked, “Is that why you’ve traveled to another reality? You’re shopping for a present?”
“How do you know I’m not from this world?” He grinned his shark-toothed grin. “Maybe I’m from a foreign country. Why else am I able to speak your language?”
Pinkie smirked and rolled her eyes. “Riiiight. And maybe I’m Princess Celestia and I can raise and lower the sun at will. You referred to Heaven in a negative way. Yeah, we ponies believe in that place. You mentioned someone named Satan in a positive way. I know everycreature’s name except his.” She stepped closer and poked a hoof at his coat. “Plus, there’s the big honking clue that you are the only Imp that I had ever seen!”
Normally when someone got that confrontational with Blitzo, his instincts would compel him to pummel the intrusive foe and run off with all speed. In Hell, only the quick and savage survived. Yet his hands stayed at his sides. His shoes remained firmly planted on the ground. What was happening to him?
Blitzo looked around, making sure that they were out of everyone’s ear-shot. “Okay, you got me. I come from Hell. I’m here because Stolas’s birthday is coming up soon and I . . .”
“A BIRTHDAY?” Pinkie lit up like a grenade blast. “Why didn’t you say so? I’m Ponyville’s premier party planner! I’ll give your friend the best party . . .” Her mouth was suddenly covered by Blitzo’s hand.
His other hand was waving Pinkie’s idea away. “Shh! No, that’s not what I need to get! I’m not even supposed to be here! For some reason Stolas’s book sent me here instead of the human realm.”
Pinkie’s mane deflated a little. After Blitzo removed his hand, she whined, “Aww, poo! Why wouldn’t you want a birthday blow-out for your pal?”
“He’s not really into social events, even though he’s a Prince.”
“Oooh, Royalty! I’m friends with royalty, too!”
“He’s . . . more than a friend, actually.” Why was sweat beading around his neck? “Stolas is my lover. We’ve gotten over a rough patch recently and I wanted to find something extra special for him.”
Heart shapes drifted in her eyes, for reasons unknown to science. “Aww, that’s adorable! I hope you two will stay close!”
Blitzo shook his head, his eyes widening. “Wait, hold up! So, you’re not bugged by the fact that I sleep with a guy?”
Blowing a raspberry, she waved a hoof dismissively. “Half the mares around here are gay! A third of the colts are bisexual! Don’t get me started about the Griffons!”
Wiping the sweat from his neck, he breathed a relaxing sigh. “That’s a relief. I wish I could be this open about what I am to more people.”
“Is it that different where you’re from? Is Hell really that bad?”
Staring at Pinkie, Blitzo replied, “If you lived there, you wouldn’t ask that. I come from Earth’s spiritual dumping ground. Every bad human that ever lived gets dumped there, gets some kind of demonic body that’s based on their worst crimes and then is allowed to run free and crazy.”
“That sounds both awesome and terrifying. Like a roller coaster that never stops no matter how much you beg it to.”
“Imps like me are born in Hell, so we’re raised in that loony world. The constant noise wears you down, though. No one can stay dead, so bloody violence and hate are the daily norms.”
Pinkie nodded. “Well, Equestria’s history has had some pretty crummy times, too. Sombra was a monster that once enslaved ponies. Tirek practically blasted Ponyville into the stone age. We’ve taken our lumps and have gotten over our pain, but it sounds like your world never gets any better.”
“It’s not easy for a high-ranking Prince of Hell like Stolas. My guy can only rule, but can never make life easier or less painful for anyone. He can only keep people in line. His daughter loves him, but I swear his ex-wife wants him dead.”
“Family dynamics are hard,” said Pinkie. “That’s what Fluttershy tells me.”
“Love is really, REALLY hard to find in Hell. What Stolas and I have is great, but gay guys like us have to stay in the closet or else our already hard lives would get ten times tougher.”
Pinkie dug a groove into the dirt as she shook her head. “I’m sorry your lives are like that. Blitzo?”
“Yeah?”
“You don’t have to leave soon, do you? Maybe a guided tour around this town will help you find a cool gift.”
Blitzo patted the Grimoire. “I don’t know, Pinkie. I’d feel better if I knew that I could get back to Hell without any more screw-ups. I don’t want to end up in a land of Centaurs after I’m done here.”
“Well, if the worst comes to the worst, I can have Twilight check out your book. Maybe she’ll be able to fix it.”
Rubbing his horns, Blitzo queried, “Are all ponies as nice as you?”
Pinkie got up and walked towards Ponyville, waving Blitzo to her side. “Well, no. There are a few meanies that I’ve known in the past. You’ll like my friends, though. Let’s talk about this present for Stolas. What does your guy like?”
“Crap, that’s a good question. He’s rich, so he’s not hurting for material goods. He doesn’t like to drive, so I can’t get him a car.”
“What’s a car?”
Sighing, Blitzo grumbled, “Never mind.”
“Is Stolas an Imp like you?”
“He looks a lot like an owl, but doesn’t have wings. Just long arms and fingers. He’s almost twice my height and has four glowing red eyes.”
Pinkie stopped in her tracks. Looking sideways at her friend with a raised brow, she smiled. “And people call Fluttershy weird because of who she married.”
“Who did she get hitched to?”
Pinkie started walking as she replied, “Oh, nopony you know. Oh, I got it! Does Stolas like clothes?”
“Well, he does like black silk scarves.” Blitzo froze in place as he gasped. Grinding his teeth, he stamped a foot, startling Pinkie. “Shoot, I don’t have cash for this world! I only have ten grand in Earth money!”
“Oh, don’t worry about that! Rarity’s the most generous pony I know. If you find something Stolas will like at her boutique, I’m sure your two can wrangle some kind of deal.”
Shrugging, Blitzo relaxed a little and followed the pony into the city of Ponyville. On one street a blue male Griffon with the plumage of a rooster was nuzzling the cheek of a green pony colt. On the other side of the road, a dragon was juggling tennis rackets while large multicolored bugs clapped their hooves to the thumping beat of a nearby boom box.
A block later, he witnessed a pony with scales on its back and a jagged horn on its head suddenly burst into blue flame. Pinkie waved a hoof at the scene. “It’s okay. She’s just venting some anger. She’ll cool off soon.”
Blitzo tried not to devolve into a gawping tourist as he followed his guide, but his jaw kept dropping at every new wonder. A pony skeleton with bright blue hair walked into a store. Winged ponies flew in perfect formation overhead. Large cats walking on their hind legs shared a fish sandwich.
And none of these people looked at him twice. No one told him to go back where he came from. They didn’t sneer at him, call him “Imp-shrimp” or throw garbage at him. Blitzo wasn’t being shunned, he soon realized. Ponyville was simply a busy place, full of people living their (non-violent) lives and getting (constructive) things done. The Imp was merely another guy, on the same level as everyone else. Not a lower class citizen. Not street trash. A person.
Pinkie said, “Well, we are at Rarity’s . . . are you crying again?”
“I swear, this place is turning me into a marshmallow!” Blitzo wailed as he wiped his eyes with a sleeve.
“That’s what they call Rarity behind her back, but don’t tell her I said that or I’ll deny it.”
He took a few deep breaths, struggling to regain his composure. Finally, Blitzo said, “Okay, let’s do this.”
Pinkie smiled. “That’s the spirit!” She opened the door to the boutique. As they stepped inside, Blitzo enjoyed the sudden temperature drop.
A distant voice chimed, “I’ll be with you in a moment, my dear!”
“Rarity, I’ve got a real treat for you!”
A white Unicorn with a swirling blue mane stepped out of a nearby room. “It’s not another Ghost Pepper muffin is it, Pinkie? I swear, I was in the restroom for ages . . . oh, my goodness, gracious me!”
Blitzo smiled shyly. “Umm, hi?”
“Welcome to Rarity’s Boutique, good sir! May I ask where you are from?”
“Let’s just say I come from a rough neighborhood. I’m Blitzo. Pinkie says you might be able to help me look for a present.”
Rarity’s eyes sparkled as she walked around Blitzo. “Ooh, tall, dark, handsome and mysterious to boot!”
He whispered, “Handsome?”
“What were you looking for in particular, Blitzo?”
“My man likes black silk and anything owl themed. I was thinking maybe a scarf?”
Rarity’s horn glowed blue as her magic picked up distant bolts of fabric. “Owls are common symbols of wisdom. Is he an avid book reader, perchance?”
“Stolas is one of the smartest guys I know. He wrote this Grimoire that brought me here.”
Rarity put red-rimmed glasses on her muzzle as she peered at the book’s cover. “Hmm, I like that crescent design! I think some of Luna’s old moon-themed cloth might do the trick.”
Blitzo was two inches away from mentioning his adopted Hellhound daughter Loona, but thought better of it. He didn’t want to spend the entire day explaining his history.
The unicorn floated a black cloth sample onto his hands. The fabric gleamed like oil and was softer than a body pillow. Numerous moon phases were stitched into the sample with silver thread.
Blitzo smiled. “Oh, yeah,” he said as he handed the cloth to Rarity. “He’ll love it.”
Clapping her hooves with delight, Rarity chirped, “Splendid! Will a ten hoof length be sufficient?”
Blitzo winced a bit. “Uh, could you just make that one hundred and twenty inches long? Stolas is pretty tall.”
“Perfect! I’ll get this done in about ten minutes. Have a seat, would you?”
Blitzo sat down in an easy chair that was in a corner of the room. Pinkie sat next to him. Apart from the sounds of Rarity’s cheerful humming and the whirring of her sewing machine, the place was fairly quiet.
“I’m glad you’re relaxing,” remarked Pinkie.
“I got to admit, I have a smile that I just can’t seem to lose.”
“Your shoulders have dropped down, too. When you first showed up, you looked like a tiger, ready to pounce!” Pinkie waggled her hooves at her friend, baring her teeth.
“I feel more like a kitten in a sunbeam, actually.”
“When we’re done here, I can take you to a Griffon restaurant. Your pointy teeth are made for meat, after all. My muffins are top shelf, but you need more than that.”
He leaned back into the chair. “That would be great. Thanks for everything, Pinkie. I never expected any of this.”
Pinkie beamed. “It’s my pleasure! You’re really happy, aren’t you?”
“I haven’t been this happy in a long time.”
A familiar and silky voice came from Pinkie’s vicinity. “I’m very glad to hear that, my dear Blitzy.”
Blitzo’s heart did a flip-flop. “S-Stolas?!”
He looked at Pinkie, who was giggling,”Your feathers tickle!” Two long grey-feathered arms slipped out from her mane. The hands reached down to the floor. Stolas’s head emerged from along with the rest of his body. After tumbling out onto the floor, he bent his back, making his spine pop .
What made this Lovecraftian entrance even stranger to behold was the fact that the prince of Hell was wearing blue khakis and a Hawaiian-style shirt that showed off a blue sky and palm trees. The pink sandals were not unnoticed by the gawping Imp.
A moment later, Blitzo’s brain re-booted. “What the frick are you doing here? How did you do that? Pinkie, are you okay?”
“Oh, I’m fine, Blitzo. I’ve had much bigger things pop out of my head.”
Stolas said, “You almost spotted me earlier, dear. I was the one that closed the door in Pinkie’s Hammerspace. I’ve been listening to everything you’ve said since then.”
“Hammer . . . ooh, you two know each other?”
Pinkie blushed a little as she rubbed one foreleg against the other. “Yeeaahh, it’s time to come clean. Stolas came to me a few days ago. He needed somepony to be your guide when you showed up so you wouldn’t go bonkers on your own.”
Patting Blitzo on the shoulder, Stolas chuckled. “It wasn’t mere coincidence that she was standing behind you when the portal opened.”
Blitzo asked, “So you altered the portal spell to send me here instead of Earth?”
“Yes, your daughter Loona told me that you were looking for a present for my birthday. She also told me that you’ve been awfully depressed lately. And since I’ve known about your love of equines for a while . . . “
“You sent me on a surprise vacation? Not that I’m not grateful, but I’m the one that’s trying to get you a present!”
Stolas slowly shook his head as he wrapped his arms around his lover. “Oh, Blitzy. Don’t you see? You’ve already given me the best gift I could ever want.”
“Huh?”
After planting a kiss on Blitzo’s lips, Stolas said, “My gift is the sight of you finally being happy.”
Pinkie held her hooves to her muzzle as she sniffed. “Awww, that’s so sweet! Now I’m crying!”
Blitzo wiped away his third set of tears. “Yeah, I know the feeling. Happy Birthday, babe.”
As they hugged each other even tighter, Rarity walked out of her sewing room, saw how tall her new visitor was, and said, “I had better add a few more inches. He is a big fellow.”
After they finally broke off the hug, Blitzo rubbed his chin. “I gotta know, honey. How did you find out about Equestria in the first place?”
“Oh, a colleague of mine visited me after my divorce. I told him about my relationship with you and he showed me how to send you here. He also told me about Pinkie and how her Hammerspace works. Travelling through her head is faster than my personal method. Less destructive, too.”
“Is this guy another demon?”
“No, but he looks like one. Let’s just say he knows a thing or two about unusual shippings. He’s married to someone in this reality, as a matter of fact. Some Pegasus beastmaster.”
Pinkie jumped into the air and gasped.
Blitzo asked, “What’s her name?”
Pinkie’s eyes widened as her lips parted.
And then Stolas answered, “Butter Crumpet, I think.”
Author's Note
"THAT'S FLUTTERSHY, YOU FEATHER-BRAINED GOOBER!!!"
It's been over two years since I've written a story for this fandom. I had never written a crossover story before. This tale is also the closest thing to a romance story I had ever done, so that's two firsts.
I hope you liked it.
