Nightmare Moon Marries the Night
By iAmSiNnEr
“Not. Another. Step.” Luna growled at Celestia.
Celestia hesitated, looking at her sister with pleading eyes. “Please, sister, we can talk-”
“Did you really expect me to sit idly by while they all basked in your precious light?!” Luna bellowed. “There can only be one princess in Equestria! And that princess…will be me!”
The room started rumbling as Luna was consumed in a pitch-black ball of magic, before the magic unraveled to reveal a taller and larger alicorn with a black coat. Blue armor formed as the alicorn laughed, baring her fangs.
“Luna,” Celestia said resolutely. “I will not fight you! You must lower the moon, it is your duty-”
“Luna?” The alicorn bared her fangs and grinned. “I am Nightmare Moon! I have but one royal duty now - to destroy you!”
“You brought this upon yourself!” Nightmare Moon spat. “Nopony appreciates my night and loves it as much as I do!”
“Wait,” Celestia paused. “Love. Wait, wait, wait. You love the night, right?”
“...yes?” Nightmare Moon tilted her head in confusion. “Have you been listening to my grand and evil speech?”
“No, it’s just that I had this idea,” Celestia rubbed a hoof on her chin. “You see, the ponies are supposed to love us, princesses, right? And whatever royalty there is.”
“I don’t see where you’re going with this-” Nightmare Moon said, before Celestia interrupted her.
“Technically,” Celestia continued. “If any of us two ever married somepony, they’d be royalty too. They’d be loved by the population, right?”
“...sister, no.” The dark alicorn deadpanned.
“What?” Celestia protested. “You said you loved the night. If you married the night, she’d be a princess like us, and the ponies would love the night!”
“...wat.” Nightmare Moon stared at Celestia.
“Don’t you see it?” Celestia grinned a crazy grin. “This way, the night will be a princess and be loved! You’d get everything you wanted!”
Nightmare Moon facehoofed. “Sister, there are two things. First of all, the night’s pronouns are they slash them.”
“I apologise,” Celestia looked up at the sky. “The night will be royalty and be loved.”
“Second of all,” Nightmare Moon glared at Celestia. “How do I marry a time concept?”
“...I see what you mean.”
“There you go,” Nightmare Moon nodded. “So can we return to me killing you?”
“Wait.” Celestia held up a hoof as she hmmed.
“What is it this time, sister?” Nightmare Moon growled through gritted fangs.
“What if you married the moon?”
“OH NOT THIS AGAIN-”
“Well, you said it yourself!” Celestia protested. “You can’t marry a time concept! So technically, if you marry the moon and stars, you’re marrying the night. And therefore ponies will love the night because they’re royalty!”
“Another two more things, sister.” Nightmare Moon facehoofed.
“Yes?” Celestia tilted her head.
“First of all, you have a very skewed perception of what the ponies would love. Next, wouldn’t marrying both the moon and stars count as me being unfaithful to one of them?” Nightmare Moon grumbled.
“Well, we’re royalty. We can just make a new law so we princesses can marry more than one entity.” Celestia suggested.
“...I hate that I’m actually considering this, sister.” Nightmare Moon muttered.
“So you won’t kill me?”
“Jury’s still out.”
“We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of two beloved ponies or entities,” The Mayor of Canterlot nervously said as he stood between Nightmare Moon and a painting of the moon and stars. “Princess Nightmare Moon and the night!”
Nightmare Moon dipped her head, before looking out at the crowd. She had exchanged her armor for a dark blue dress and onyx regalia. She had refused to wear whatever had belonged to Luna, and insisted on an entirely new wardrobe.
Celestia wiped a tear away from her eyes. “Aw, this is adorable.”
Sister, I swear on Faust, I will murder you in the future if this goes wrong. Nightmare Moon thought.
Nightmare Moon stared out at the crowd who had gathered for the wedding, before looking up at the sky. “My night, moon and stars. Long have I arranged the stars to beautify you all, and tried my best to allow the world to love your splendor. Today, I have initiated this union as I would do anything for you, my love.”
The crowd was deathly silent, most of the ponies had a poker face except a few who were crying at the adorable and ‘loving’ scene. Whether it was tears for the beauty of it all or tears of laughter, it was yet to be seen.
“And thus, I love you, my night.”
The Mayor nervously looked at the painting. “Would you like to say a few words?”
The painting remained silent.
“Very well,” the Mayor nodded. “Who gives away Luna Asteris Selene to be wed?”
“Nightmare Moon,” Nightmare Moon corrected.
“Right,” the Mayor smiled weakly. “I correct my question. Who gives away Nightmare Moon to be wed?”
“I do,” Celestia called out. “As her sister and Princess of Equestria, I give away Princess Nightmare Moon to be wed.”
The Mayor nodded. “Who gives away the night to be wed?”
“I do,” an illusion of Luna suddenly appeared. “As Luna Asteris Selene, the Princess of the Night, I give away the night to be wed.” The illusion disappeared.
“Now, please face each other and join hooves-” he paused. “Actually, please face each other will do. Now, under the eyes of Faust and all that is holy, do you take each other to be lawfully wedded?”
“I do,” Nightmare Moon said. The night said nothing.
The Mayor sweated. “Um…”
A booming voice came from above. “I do.”
The Mayor started. “Oh! Oh! Okay, okay, that will do.”
“Do you promise to honor each other in love, to be sensitive to each other’s needs, to comfort each other in difficulty, and to put your full and complete trust in each other, so long as you both shall live?” The Mayor asked.
“I do,” Nightmare Moon replied.
The same booming voice spoke again. “I do.”
“Very well,” The Mayor nodded slowly. “Then, by the power vested in me by Princess Celestia and Faust, I declare you two lawfully wedded.”
The crowd burst into cheers, and everyone whooped and laughed as they cheered for their new member of royalty.
“See, sister?” Celestia whispered. “I told you it would work.”
“I’m still going to kill you,” Nightmare Moon hissed.
“Kill, mill schmill,” Celestia grinned. “It worked!”
“And that was how Nightmare Moon married the night,” Twilight read out. “And the night became a member of the royalty. The ponies loved the night from then on, and some decided to sleep throughout the day and stay up at night to honor the new royal.”
Spike snored.
Twilight sighed. “So, Princess Celestia, you want me to what again?”
“My sister is returning from her honeymoon on the moon in,” Celestia looked at the clock. “Three days. It’s almost been a thousand days. I want you to help me welcome her back.”
“I’ve known Princess Nightmare Moon for years,” Twilight sighed. “And never once did I figure out she was married to the night.”
“Oh, it’s not your fault,” Celestia assured Twilight. “It’s still official, but ponies have mostly forgotten why some sleep in the day and some sleep at night.”
“So basically-” the moon suddenly glowed. Twilight frowned. “Wait, is that normal-”
Nightmare Moon teleported into the room. Celestia looked at her.
Twilight blinked in surprise.
“SISTER, THE MOON IS OUT OF MOON PIES AND WE REQUIRE MORE!”
"Of course you are," Celestia grinned. "Welcome back, sister."
Author's Note
when I said I would shitpost more
I didn't know I would write this
blame Sunlight
