Chapters "just a couple of things on my brain, you know?"
Some days were better than others. There were fleeting moments where it felt like things were greater than ever, like she had never gotten the diagnosis and was still as well-adjusted as she was before everything fell apart. The days where she didn't feel the weight of the world on her shoulders, or a constant pit in her stomach from her anxiety. When she was able to willingly get out of her house and talk to more than just her closest friends. Sometimes she was genuinely convinced that things were looking up.
Maybe the pills only worked when they felt like it.
There were days where she'd spend time with her friends, but those were becoming fewer and further between as more time passed. The only pony she spent consistent time with was her marefriend. Most of the time she would tend to animals, maybe read a book if it was a particularly slow day. She rarely felt anything above contentment, but even that was pushing it.
Other days were bland and forgettable. They blended together in her mind as the monotony of it all left her feeling nothing more than numb. These were the days where she'd more often than not hole herself up in her cottage with her animals.
She didn't dislike taking care of animals or reading or whatever else she felt like doing to pass the time. What she disliked was the repetition of it. She felt like she was living the same day over and over again. No matter how much she wanted to break out of her routine, no matter how many times she told herself This is the day where I finally make a change, things stayed the same. She didn't have the strength to try to spice up her life. The sense of normalcy was one of the few things she had left.
The worst days were the ones where she didn't have the strength to get out of bed in the morning. When she couldn't do anything but stare at the ceiling and let her brain run on overdrive. The thoughts were particularly bad on those days. Even though she knew it wasn't really herself, some of the things that flashed through her mind disturbed her deeply. She had added the invasive thoughts to the evergrowing list of her faults.
Sometimes she spiraled, doing drastic things that put herself in danger. She didn't know how else to get these feelings to pass than to hurt herself, even if she subconsciously knew it wouldn't do anything good for her. Most of the time these waves of depression passed in silence, though she was still able to feel the physical effects just as much.
Her nausea, an ever-constant feeling she had grown accustomed to long ago, became much worse during these times. There was a persistent sense of dread in her at every moment. Despite how badly she wanted to cry the tears would never come. It seemed like she was only able to cry in front of others. Lucky her.
This morning appeared to be another bland one, one Fluttershy would forget by the same time tomorrow. She awoke slowly, stirring naturally and opening her eyes, though she quickly shut them again. The sun was sitting decently high in the sky, its rays providing enough warmth to keep the ponies of Ponyville comfortable. Sunlight leaked through the window, but the blinds were thick enough to diminish the light to a mere flicker. Fluttershy didn't remember shutting the blinds the previous night but appreciated the minimalness of the light nonetheless.
The pegasus stretched out, quietly groaning as her limbs began to wake up along with her mind. As she sat up her eyes scanned the room. There were faint traces of dust on each object after months of being untouched, and there appeared to be more sprawling vines on the roof beams than there was last time she had checked. She let out a low sigh. Maybe today would be the day that she decided to clean her room for the first time in ages.
But then again, the chances were never high to begin with.
Fluttershy pushed the blanket off her body and sluggishly dropped to the floor, beginning the walk to the bathroom soon afterwards. Despite her lack of motivation some days, she maintained proper hygiene for herself. As she brushed her teeth she made a point to move her gaze away from the mirror.
She had tried, she really had, to look at the mare staring back at her, but she couldn't. The image would always become distorted if she looked at it for long enough and she didn't want to go through the self-loathing spiel again.
She was so caught up in her mind that she hadn't realized she had dropped her toothbrush in the sink, continuing to brush the air until she opened her eyes. The mare blinked hard before washing her toothbrush off and spitting out the toothpaste. After leaving the bathroom she made her way to the kitchen to begin preparing breakfast for her animals. It felt nice to have something important to do, something that she knew would make others happy. It gave her something of a purpose at least.
Once that was done — not without the usual trouble from Angel — Fluttershy was left standing in the kitchen, focusing on the corner of the counter. The wood was slightly chipped, but it was otherwise in good condition. Her gaze drifted to the rest of the room.
Unwashed dishes sat in the sink, overflowing in quantity. The floorboards had faded in color over time to a muted brown, and the table had done much the same. The stones that lined the sides of the counters were slowly beginning to crack. There was a thin layer of dust covering everything besides the fridge, just like the bedroom. All in all the kitchen looked like it hadn't been used in years.
The pegasus changed her focus to a family of squirrels happily munching on some acorns, the mother and father cuddling together as their child sat next to them. A small, almost imperceivable smile crossed her face. Animals were one of the only things that consistently made her happy. One of.
It still felt weird to her that she was in a relationship. After so long of hiding herself away, afraid to be vulnerable to anyone besides a very select few, she was in a relationship. She'd had her heart broken before and she'd sworn off dating for years, but things changed because of Rarity.
Rarity. Just thinking of her name made Fluttershy feel better. The most generous, most gorgeous pony she knew was her marefriend. Asking her out was a huge challenge for the pegasus. It caused her anxiety to flare up, but the feeling of Rarity's soft lips against her own calmed her down quickly.
The past 6 months they had spent together were some of the best of Fluttershy's life. They'd spent countless nights together, doing nothing more than talking to each other, learning everything there was to know about the other. Fluttershy could listen to Rarity talk forever and she would never once lose interest. There were nights where they simply gazed at the stars, laying in each other's arms silently. Their shared company was enough.
Rarity had helped in getting the pegasus to come out of her shell even further. She had come during one of the lowest points of Fluttershy's life and acted as a lighthouse, guiding her lover through the storm. Fluttershy would be eternally grateful for that. She owed her life to her marefriend.
Sure, they had their fair share of fights, usually small squabbles that ended as soon as they began. It didn't seem to bother Rarity, but Fluttershy remembered every single one. She wasn't sure what she made of them. They were little things that didn't matter in the long run, she'd tell herself. Besides, every couple fought, right?
Shaking her head to dislodge the negative thoughts, the mare decided that she would visit Rarity after she ate her breakfast. Having her on the mind made Fluttershy yearn for her lover's touch
As she retrieved an apple from the fridge she began to imagine herself laying in bed with Rarity, mesmerized by her radiant blue eyes. Those eyes were ones she often found herself lost in, and she knew she would be content with a life where they were the only things she could see.
After she finished her apple she said her goodbyes to her animals and left the cottage. Anxiety began to build in her chest the moment she stepped outside. Fluttershy took a few deep breaths to steady herself. It was so frustrating to get anxious whenever she went outside but it was a habit she was never able to break. Steeling herself and putting on her most convincing smile, she began her trek.
The dirt quietly crunched under her hooves as she walked, giving her a consistent noise that she appreciated. Birds could be heard chirping, though she couldn't quite make out what they were saying. The sun shone down and warmed her. Its rays were bright enough to make her squint slightly, and it gave a slight glow to the buildings that she passed. There was a calm ambience to her walk that served to make her comfortable.
She noticed a pair of ponies approaching her and her chest tightened. Come on Fluttershy, she told herself, you need to stop being so scared of everything. She put on her best smile as Lyra and Bon Bon came closer, their tails intertwined. Bon Bon's face lit up as she noticed Fluttershy.
"Good morning, Fluttershy!" the earth pony beamed. Lyra lifted a hoof and waved as a greeting.
"Good morning to you tw- two," Fluttershy managed to say, her smile becoming a little more genuine after she finished speaking. Her gaze passed over the intertwined tails and a sense of longing began to fill her at the sight. Maybe someday she would be comfortable enough to do the same with her marefriend. Lyra and Bon Bon walked past her and Fluttershy felt a little bit better than she had before seeing them.
As more greetings were shared, the pegasus became more comfortable, until eventually she was able to initiate small conversations with passing ponies. Despite her relative lack of knowledge on most of the subjects she was discussing with her peers, their joy washed over her and made her feel at ease. She listened to Daisy talk about the most recent additions to her garden, Cheerilee talk about her students, even a rare conversation with Octavia took place.
It slowly dawned on Fluttershy that this was extremely uncommon for her. Unless she was with Rarity or one of her friends she barely spoke to other ponies past a simple hello, much less have full conversations with them. A feeling of pride swelled up inside her at this.
Today was looking to be a good day after all.
She softly hummed a tune to herself as she made a turn on her path. Carousel Boutique was getting closer with every step, and it was now in her field of vision. The building stood tall, basked in the sunlight at just the right angle to give it an almost heavenly glow, at least in Fluttershy's eyes. It made sense considering the pony who lived there was much the same. Maybe that was an over-exaggeration, maybe it was offensive to the gods to describe somepony as heavenly, but Fluttershy knew it was the best way to describe her mare.
Soon enough she was standing in front of the boutique. She gazed at the blooming flowers on the lawn for a few moments — they were fresh in the mind after all — before looking to the door.
The smile on her face grew a bit wider as the prospect of seeing Rarity again got closer and closer. Her eyes drifted to the window for a moment to see if she could catch an early glimpse, but all she could see was a mannequin wearing a pink skirt. Her gaze returned to the door soon afterwards.
Fluttershy lifted a hoof and knocked on the door three times.
"got my eyes open"
The whirring of a sewing machine and the faint buzzing of an in-use horn filled the main floor of Carousel Boutique. Rarity always prided herself on her ability to immerse herself in her work, even if she'd just awoken. A half-empty cup of coffee stood discarded on the table where she sat, forgotten as soon as she was awake enough to begin working.
Rarity was a pony who loved her work above just about everything else in her life. The world of fashion was one she often escaped to when she needed to, and even if she didn't need a distraction she was still overjoyed to design and create. It was an outlet that she used to fill out her days, and there were days where she did nothing but work on an article of clothing or two.
Sunrise to sunset, give or take, she was in the design room of Carousel Boutique, bringing her most recent imaginations to life in the form of clothing. It didn't matter to her that much that most ponies in Ponyville didn't wear anything outside special occasions, she was happy to make and make and make.
Creating clothes was her way of escaping her daily life. Whenever she felt upset she would immediately start sketching something down or picking out what fabrics she would need for a piece of clothing. She was able to drop everything at a moment's notice if need be, and that was something that helped during rough patches. Her job was her life and her life was her job at times, even though she knew that wasn't particularly healthy. At least things were going well now.
Rarity was currently working on a simple yellow silk dress. It was a personal design that she had been playing around with for the past few days, not intended for anyone besides herself to see. She absentmindedly held a hoof on the dress, lightly moving it forward to continue applying the stitching. Her rear hoof was beginning to ache as it pushed down on the pedal, a sign that showed that she was doing good work. This dress was going to look absolutely lovely when it was finished, she could tell.
Her eyes moved back to the sketchbook that she was holding in her magic, on a page that was slowly being covered with a drawing of a flowing evening gown. Rarity was always proud of her ability to multitask — it was one of the many reasons why she was glad to be a unicorn — as it helped her when it came to her work. The dress she was drawing was designed specifically for a pegasus, evident from the wing-holes that she quickly added after a moment of thinking. Clearly, this dress was going to be for one pegasus in particular.
Rarity was always a romantic. She was born someone who desired love and was raised to believe that it was the key to happiness. Throwing herself at whoever was desirable to her, she was accustomed to being in relationships. They often crashed and burned — whether her fault or her partner's — and she eventually grew used to relationships ending quickly. It was the ones that faded away slowly, falling out of love with her day by day, that hurt the most.
The unicorn had gone through many different partners over the course of her life. She had gravitated towards stallions for awhile, but eventually she realized that she was going through the same motions with them over and over again. Meet. Spend a night together. Honeymoon period. Fights. Breakup. She was setting herself up for failure because her expectations were too high. After taking a break from dating to reflect on herself, she spread her dating pool to include mares. Of course, she'd always been attracted to mares, but for some reason she'd never dated one. That was going to change.
Even with mares, relationships went by quickly. Rarity got frustrated with this. What was the problem here? Maybe it was her. She was the one constant after all, but it couldn't be. It was always her partner who was at fault in the breakup. Whether they cheated, became emotionally distant, or whatever else, it was never Rarity who lit the match that set the relationship on fire.
It might not have been apparent to her, maybe she was doing it unconsciously, but she grew to desire some sort of hold over her partners. After so much heartache, so much unfaithfulness, she needed some way to know that her partner would stay with her. If she was able to keep them incredibly close, then they wouldn't leave her. They couldn't leave her. Not like the others. The same was true for her current marefriend, Fluttershy.
Rarity didn't really know when her feelings for Fluttershy first started appearing. She had always been closest to the pegasus out of all of her friends, and they spent plenty of time together independently of the group. Add on top of that the fact that she was the most beautiful mare the fashion designer knew — in multiple ways — and it made sense why Rarity had feelings for Fluttershy. Maybe she had just been burying them the whole time. There's no way they only came about because of-
No, of course not. That was an idea so ridiculous it wasn't even worth entertaining with a second thought.
The unicorn quickly returned to her work, setting down the sketchbook on the table with a nearly silent noise. Her gaze went to the dress, where she saw that she was coming up to where there needed to be a curve in the stitching. She rotated the dress with her hooves, watching as the stitching followed accordingly.
Rarity examined the dress further as she sewed. It was a fairly standard dress, at least compared to some of the more out there designs she'd done before. It cut off at the ankles, and she knew it would be form-fitting based on how it was coming together. The waist was smocked, giving the appearance that it sunk in a bit, accentuating the wearer's hips. The cuffs were flared in the front. The dress was a light yellow that looked radiant in the morning light. It's material was soft to the touch, so much so that a pony likely wouldn't want to take it off for days, so to speak.
It reminded her of Fluttershy. Dainty, elegant, and a beauty to look at. It was something one would wear to a picnic, overlooking a hillside as the sun set in the background. Hooves held close, bodies held closer, food forgotten as two hearts melted together into one. That was probably why she had subconsciously made it the same color as Fluttershy's coat. She'd been doing that a lot over the past few months.
Her gaze drifted over to a mannequin, stuck in eternal mid-gallop as always, wearing a high-waisted pleated pink skirt. It flowed, reaching the top of mannequin's shins. The color was the same as Fluttershy's mane, a light pink that had quickly become one of Rarity's favorite colors.
She was so happy with Fluttershy. They had a truly deep connection that became stronger with every nuzzle, every kiss, and every other intimate moment they held together. Fluttershy seemingly held her in an impossibly high regard after all that had happened in the past, but this didn't bother Rarity. If anything, she was glad for it. Someone had to be there to praise the ground she walked on, after all.
That was overexaggeration, of course. Rarity wasn't that egotistical, but she did appreciate how much Fluttershy loved her. She knew that this relationship was different from the ones she'd had in the past. The others were too... too complex for Rarity. Maybe that was the word for it. Despite how much she enjoyed sweeping displays of affection, she enjoyed the simple things as well. Going out for walks late at night, watching the fireflies pass by in the moonlit sky, that was what the mare loved. Just being with Fluttershy was good enough for her.
The past 6 months had been amazing. Rarity had never expected to feel as good as she did when she was with Fluttershy. None of her relationships had lasted this long, except for a few which only continued out of mutual resentment. Fluttershy was different. She didn't flaunt Rarity like a trophy, she didn't stay with her for the image, and she didn't grow to dislike Rarity like the others had. They truly cared for one another, and their bond grew stronger over time.
They had spent countless nights together, doing nothing but holding each other close. Sometimes they would just lay in silence, content with just the warmth other's touch. At times it felt like Rarity was protecting Fluttershy, especially when she had to comfort her during a depressive episode. Protecting her from what, then? That question remained unanswered whenever it was pondered.
Muffled hoofsteps, growing louder as they grew closer, snapped Rarity out of her thoughts. She paused in her sewing and turned her head to see Sweetie Belle at the end of the staircase, with a tired smile on her face.
"Good morning, Rarity." Sweetie Belle stifled a yawn after speaking.
"Good morning, Sweetie Belle." Rarity smiled back at her sister. "Would you like some breakfast?"
"Ooh, could I ma-"
Rarity cleared her throat, cutting her little sister off. "Sorry, Sweetie, but I already made breakfast before you woke up." She silently congratulated herself for her forward-thinking.
Sweetie Belle put on her best puppy eyes and looked up at her sister. Rarity tittered, shaking her head and pointing to the kitchen. Sweetie Belle let out an exaggerated sigh and plodded away. She had lost this battle, but she knew someday she would be able to cook again, even if she was still technically banned from using anything in the kitchen other than the eating utensils.
Rarity smiled and shook her head lightly. That little sister of hers, always so comical. She returned her attention to the dress and applied the last bit of stitching she needed. As she lifted the needle with her magic she could swear she saw someone through the window who appeared to be approaching the boutique, but she ignored the thought for the moment. She lifted the dress in her magic and placed it on the nearest mannequin. Her eyes widened in glee as she took in the sight.
The dress looked just like she imagined. It flowed elegantly over the body, showing off the form perfectly. It was clearly easy to move around in, designed to be loose-fitting, but it was still tight enough to highlight the wearer's body. The back of it dragged slightly behind the wearer's rear legs, ruffling at the base. The yellow of the dress made it both eye-catching and relaxing to look at, like the sun through sunglasses. It was something that would catch the interest of whoever saw it for sure.
Rarity clapped her hooves together and grinned. "Oh Sweetie Belle!" she called to the kitchen. The sound of a confused "hm?" and a chair being pushed backwards could be heard before the filly in question appeared. "Be completely honest. Brutally honest. I may take offense to what you say, but do tell. What are your thoughts on this dress?" Rarity asked, motioning to the dress.
Sweetie Belle examined the dress for a moment before turning to her sister with a smile. "It looks great, Rarity! Who's it for?"
Rarity flicked a hoof dismissively. "This is simply for my personal collection," she told. "I think I might wear it out sometime soon."
"Well, it's gonna look great on you."
Rarity opened her mouth to give her thanks, but a series of knocks on the doors interrupted her. Sweetie Belle perked up and headed to the door, telling Rarity "I'll get it!" as she moved. Or at least she tried to move. She was currently held in a light blue magical aura, stuck in mid-air. She looked confused for a few moments, but a knowing smile settled on her face when she realized what was happening.
Rarity had recognized the knocks as those of Fluttershy's, and her mood instantly brightened. A visit wasn't something that she had been expecting, but it was a welcome surprise all the same. She rushed to the door and took a breath in before opening it, a smile on her face.
"cause when it all comes crashing down, i'll need you"
Fluttershy was patiently waiting in front of the door. She perked up when she heard faint hoofsteps from inside, but became confused when they suddenly stopped. A voice was heard, but she recognized it as being from Sweetie Belle. The hoofsteps resumed after a few moments, but they sounded different this time.
The door opened, and before she knew it she was swept into a hug. "Oh, Fluttershy, it's so good to see you!" Rarity exclaimed, squeezing Fluttershy a little tighter. Fluttershy made a quiet squeaking noise before hugging back.
"It's good to see— to see you too." Fluttershy nuzzled her marefriend before pulling away from the hug. Her face felt a little warmer afterwards. Even after all this time Rarity could still make her blush just from simply touching her. Her gaze went to rarity's horn, which was still glowing a light blue.
She was about to ask what she was using it for when she saw Sweetie Belle waving at her. She giggled a bit as the filly was set down, and the aura went away. After exchanging greetings, Sweetie Belle trotted away to finish her breakfast.
"So, what brings you out here?" Rarity asked.
Fluttershy turned to face Rarity and gave her a warm smile. "Oh, I was just.. thinking about you. I feel like we haven't seen each other in forever."
Rarity playfully rolled her eyes. "We saw each other two days ago, dear." The two shared a laugh about that. "But now that you mention it.."
Fluttershy cocked her head slightly.
"We haven't gone on a proper date in a while. How about tonight? My treat, of course." At Fluttershy's fervent nodding, Rarity grinned. "Then it's a date! Come here around, say, seven o'clock? Does that work for you?"
"That sounds lovely." Fluttershy stepped forward and nuzzled her marefriend again. Rarity nuzzled back and placed a soft kiss on Fluttershy's cheek.
"Would you like some tea while you're here?" Rarity asked. Fluttershy responded in the affirmative, and the unicorn soon walked to the kitchen to prepare the drinks.
When Rarity left her line of sight, Fluttershy's gaze was drawn to the expansive amount of dresses in the workroom. Some were light and prim, others tight and revealing. There were dresses for all different occasions. Formal wear, casual wear, even a half-finished wedding dress was being worn by a mannequin. She couldn't recall who the dress was for, even though Rarity had gushed about the prospect of designing it to her multiple times. They all looked beautiful to Fluttershy, just like every dress her marefriend made.
Something that caught her attention was how much of well.. her there was in the dresses. Her mane color, her coat color, there was even a butterfly on a dress or two resemblant of her cutie mark. Sure, most couples showed their bond through a colored stripe on their saddlebags — mainly couples who weren't too keen on being affectionate in public — but this was a bit much. Of course, Fluttershy had plenty of pictures of her and her marefriend on the walls, and she had taken a particular liking to white and purple over time, so she couldn't judge.
Besides, being a bit much was one of Fluttershy's favorite things about Rarity.
The mare in question entered the workroom, levitating a pair of steaming hot teacups. "I made sleepytime, your favorite," She sing-songed. When she opened her eyes, she saw that Fluttershy was staring at the yellow dress she had made earlier, seemingly entranced. A light chuckle escaped her lips, causing Fluttershy to break out of her trance and turn to face her. "I take it that you like that dress?"
"It— it's beautiful," Fluttershy responded, a smile that warmed Rarity's heart on her face.
"Thank you." Rarity put a hoof on her chest. "I do suppose I've had some more motivation these past few months, after all." She winked at Fluttershy.
Fluttershy's face warmed up at the wink. "It feels like you— you just get better with every dress you make."
"You flatter me, you really do. Lets drink, shall we?" Rarity turned to face the kitchen before walking to it, Fluttershy following closely behind.
When they arrived in the kitchen, Sweetie Belle had left, leaving a cleaned plate in the sink. Rarity set the teacups down on the table and took a seat. Fluttershy mirrored this and pulled her cup closer. "So, how have things things been with you?" the pegasus asked, before lightly blowing on her tea.
"Darling, things haven't changed at all since the last time you asked that," Rarity tittered. "I've been good, the boutiques are doing well, and I've been making dresses by the dozen." A proud look appeared on her face. "I heard back from the yaks in Yakyakistan."
"Ooh, what did they say?"
"They are in!" Rarity overexcitedly slammed a hoof on the table, causing a small amount of tea to spill. "Whoops." She levitated a tissue over and wiped down the spilt tea, absentmindendly discarding the damp tissue afterwards. "Excuse me for that." Her smile became a sheepish one.
"That's— that's great news. I'm so proud of you, Rarity," Fluttershy beamed, taking a sip of her tea.
"Thank you. I'm proud of myself too. I never could've imagined owning two boutiques across Equestria, let alone four." Rarity took a sip of her own tea. "I've come so far in the past few years.." She gained a wistful look as she spoke.
"You're happy with it, right?"
Rarity blinked, caught off guard by the question. "Of course I'm happy. Couldn't be happier." She cleared her throat. "It's just.. sometimes I miss when i was first starting out. I was such a wide-eyed idealist. I expected to reach the stars, but now that I actully have I just, I don't know. I expected it to be more fufilling, you know?"
"Oh, I'm sorry." Fluttershy's expression shifted to a sympathetic one. "I get what it's like to be— to be disillusioned with something."
"I wouldn't say disillusioned. More so, um, not exactly as happy as I expected to be when I became a world famous fashion designer?" At Fluttershy's flat look, Rarity continued. "I'm not unhappy, not at all. Just, could be happier. I'm not unhappy." She playfully jabbed a hoof in Fluttershy's direction to emphasize her point.
Fluttershy giggled in response, taking a sip of tea before speaking. "I never said you were. I'm— I'm really happy for you. Speaking of being happy.." She took a breath in. "I think that I'm truly starting to get better."
"Oh, thats wonderful!" Rarity beamed. Despite how good the news was, she felt the faintest twitch in her chest. She didn't know why it had happened, nor did she dwell on it in the moment. "What makes you say that?"
"Well, I've been feeling— I've been feeling a lot better over the past few weeks. Have I not been telling you about that?" Fluttershy looked quizzical as she impulsively fidgeted with her hooves.
"Right. Sorry, I've just been so busy with my work lately. It's like my mind is constantly buzzing." Rarity put on an apologetic look. She truly had forgotten about Fluttershy's improving mental health. That was strange. Normally she didn't up and forget something that important. Then again, maybe she was just burnt out from overworking.
Fluttershy took a sip of her tea before continuing. "No worries. This morning I talked to a few— a few different ponies before I came here." That piqued Rarity's interest. "It's so.. nice to be social again." A soft smile graced her lips as she took another sip of her tea.
"That's just lovely, Fluttershy." Rarity smiled warmly. "I'm happy to hear it. You've come so far since.. uh.." She trailed off, creating an awkward air in the room for a moment before getting the conversation back on track. "So. Do you have any plans before our date tonight?"
Fluttershy perked up at the swift topic change. "I think I'm going to spend some time with Discord. I haven't talked to him in a bit."
Rarity's eyes narrowed ever so slightly. She had never liked Discord. Sure, she tolerated him, but that was begrudgingly at best. She acted civil to him around the others, and she had forgiven him of his past actions after he proved he was trying to change, but she couldn't stand him otherwise.
He was abrasive, arrogant, mischievous, and above all else, he seemed to care a little too much about Fluttershy. An anecdote that Starlight had once told her was that, apparently, he wasn't interested in saving his friends from the Changeling Kingdom until Fluttershy was mentioned, where, to quote Starlight, "his eyes flashed red with fury."
Was she jealous? Maybe. She had reasons to be, though. Discord was always overly touchy-feely with Fluttershy, and at times it seemed like she was the only pony that he actually liked. And Fluttershy was none the wiser to his transparent attempts to steal her away. Rarity had tried telling her about it multiple times, but the pegasus brushed it off everytime. It frustrated her to no end.
"Hm." Rarity coughed into her hoof. "What are you planning to do with him?"
Fluttershy playfully rolled her eyes. "Today's our weekly tea party. He— he couldn't make it last week, so we're making up for it."
"Well, don't have too much fun, love," Rarity teased, but she noticed that Fluttershy shifted uncomfortably in her seat ever so slightly.
Fluttershy let out a quiet sigh. This constant argument was starting to get tiring. "Rarity, nothing's going on between Discord and I. I've assured you this so ma— many times." She took a sip of her tea to calm herself down before she truly got upset.
"I know that." Rarity's voice betrayed her dishonesty. "Can't a mare be insecure every once and a while?"
Fluttershy took a breath in, and softly let it out. "Yeah. I know I spend a— a lot of time with Discord, but thats because I'm his closest friend. I have to be there for him just as much as the rest of my friends."
"Can we drop this for now? I don't particularly feel like fighting at the moment," Rarity snapped, though she quickly backpedalled. "I don't want to argue just for the sake of arguing." Was that what this was, though? She fiddled with her tea cup as she thought of what to say. "I'm sorry for blowing up on you, but I just get jealous really easily."
"Theres no need to apo— to apologize, Rarity." Fluttershy put on her best smile. She didn't want Rarity to be mad at her, so she decided to apologize as well. "I know that Discord can be.. a bit much. And I know that you don't like him. I'm sorry." She began to stand up before Rarity spoke, stopping her in her tracks.
"It's alright, darling. Don't worry about it. I might have been overreacting a tad." The unicorn conceded, even if she didn't quite believe it herself. She drained the last of her tea in one big gulp as Fluttershy walked over to her.
True to her prediction, Fluttershy pulled her into a hug. Rarity hugged back, placing a kiss on Fluttershy's lips after they pulled back of it.
"Well, I think I'm going to— to head home now." Fluttershy kissed Rarity's cheek before turning away. "I'll see you later, Rarity. I love you."
"I love you too. Remember, seven o'clock." Rarity bit her tongue to avoid further comment. Things had turned around so quickly and she didn't trust herself not to start another argument.
Fluttershy silently nodded before jauntily trotting away and out the door. Once her marefriend was outside, Rarity shut the door with her magic. She sighed, the previous conversation playing in her head at breakneck speed. Her gaze went to the teacups.
Fluttershy hadn't finished hers.
Rarity thought back to the twitch she had felt earlier. Why did that happen? Was it because she didn't want Fluttershy to be happy? Of course not. She was delighted for Fluttershy. Seeing her get better was great. Why wouldn't she want a change like that to happen?
Oh. A change. Rarity had grown to associate big changes — whether it be something like a new job, a new look, or, yes, a change in attitude — with the beginning of the end. Almost every relationship she had been in had a major change happen close to the end. It always seemed to spell doom in Rarity's eyes. She wouldn't stand for that with Fluttershy.
Fluttershy meant way too much to her to fall out of her grasp that easily. This was the happiest she had been in years, so why would she let it go to waste? She would fight for this relationship if push came to shove. and it seemed like she would have to, especially if Discord tried to get in the way like she was expecting him to.
Maybe that was too judgemental towards Discord, but Rarity didn't care. If he tried anything there would be hell to pay, she would make sure of that. She wanted to believe Fluttershy's word of the two just being friends, she really did. Fluttershy had no reason to lie to her. But even then, after so much had happened in the past, her trust broken so many times, she found herself doubting things easily. Had it really been a good idea to not tell Fluttershy about any of her past relationships?
Rarity bit her lip and glanced around the room, trying to find something to distract herself. She cleaned the teacups with her magic and put them away before leaving the kitchen. Then she remembered what she always did when she needed to suppress her thoughts. "Work on some dresses! Why didn't I think of that sooner?" She left the kitchen and went over to her work space.
"Maybe I am overworking myself.." She let the statement hang in the air for a second before shrugging and enveloping her sketchbook in her magic, flipping to the page with the dress she had been sketching earlier. She stared at it, silently mulling over each different aspect of it. "Oh, I know the perfect color for this one!" With that, she set off to work, her musings momentarily discarded.
Author's Note
i based fluttershy's stutter on my own, which is why it's so unconventional and inconsistent
"i think i've fallen in love, this time i think it's for real"
Rarity stood in front of the mirror in her bathroom, brushing her mane with a comb held in her magic. She had applied the lightest amount of blush to her cheeks and a little more eyeshadow than usual to bring out her eyes. Of course, she had to look the best she possibly could for Fluttershy, even if this was their millionth date. It was second nature at this point.
Once she was done brushing her hair, she examined her appearance. Her yellow dress was a little tighter than expected, though it showed off her figure nicely. The little details she had added earlier in a particularly driven session — cutting the neckline into a V-shape, putting a bow at the waist — were flourishes she felt necessary to make this dress as good as it could be. She was a perfectionist, after all.
Rarity levitated over a bottle of perfume, one scented to smell like dandelions, and lightly sprayed herself with it twice. It was just enough to make her smell nice, but not too much to make it overbearing. She put the bottle back in her cabinet before checking her mane again. This was the third time she had brushed her mane that evening. She kept finding the littlest errors that made her see fit to start over. Fussing over herself was something that came naturally with beauty.
The constant tick, tock, tick, tock of the clock in her room could be faintly heard, until it started chiming. The hour was up already? Had she really been preparing herself in front of the mirror for that long?
Rarity pushed the thought away and left the bathroom, walking over to Sweetie Belle's room. She knocked twice before speaking. "Sweetie Belle, I'm going out tonight."
"Okay, Rarity," was the muffled response she recieved.
With that out of the way, Rarity trotted downstairs and onto the main floor. She stood near the door, tapping her hoof impatiently as she waited for Fluttershy to arrive. She was about to grab her sketchbook when the sound of three knocks made her turn to face the door. It quickly swung open, making Fluttershy jump a bit.
"Hello, Rarity. Were you— were you waiting at the door?" Fluttershy smiled a knowing smile.
Rarity chuckled sheepishly. "I was really excited to see you."
A faint blush appeared on Fluttershy's cheeks. "I was excited to see you too." Her gaze drifted to Rarity's dress. "That dress looks amazing on you."
Rarity looked down at herself and made a show of examining her dress. "Oh, this old thing?" She smiled at Fluttershy. "Thank you. I'll never tire of your endless compliments."
Fluttershy smiled back. "Then I won't stop giving them. But— but now I feel underdressed." She fiddled with a strand of her mane.
"Lucky for you, I have just the solution for that. Come in." Rarity beckoned Fluttershy with a hoof and the two went inside. "Right before you arrived I finished up a dress that I think would look positively gorgeous on you." She levitated a dress over and placed it in front of Fluttershy, waiting for the pegasus to grab it.
Once Fluttershy took it in her hooves, she began to examine it.
"Don't stare at it for too long, dear. It'll look much better when you're wearing it," Rarity flirted, eliciting another blush from Fluttershy.
After a minute of Fluttershy failing miserably at putting on the dress and getting some much needed help from Rarity, the two were standing in front of one of the mirrors. Fluttershy was gawking at the dress.
It fit perfectly, hugging all the right places. The dress hung a bit loose, making it comfortable to move around in, just like Fluttershy liked it. It was covered in small white polka dots that made the light green of the base pop. The skirt flared, and the hem of it was cuffed to show off a little more of the rear legs than normal. It looked like something one would find an elite wearing in Canterlot, what with the golden necklace that went along with it. The necklace complimented her eyes and completed the look. She looked beautiful, a sentiment that Rarity echoed aloud.
"Ooh, I just knew you would look perfect in that dress!" The unicorn pulled her marefriend into a kiss, one which went from soft and delicate to heated and passionate. Rarity pushed her tongue past Fluttershy's teeth, catching the pegasus by surprise but nonetheless putting her in a state of bliss. The moment was ended all too soon as they had to pull away for air. Both of them were flushed, though Fluttershy was clearly the more flustered.
She felt lightheaded where she stood, something that happened whenever things got especially heated between them. The dopey smile on her face made Rarity titter good-humoredly.
"Well, I guess we shall be off now," the unicorn proclaimed. She turned and began to walk to the door, but stopped when she noticed that Fluttershy hadn't move along with her. She cleared her throat, causing Fluttershy's ear to twitch slightly. "Come on, dear, there shall be more where that came from later." That caused the pegasus to turn, which subsequently made the two laugh. The night was setting itself up to be a good one.
Rarity and Fluttershy walked side by side, close enough to feel the warmth radiating off the other but not close enough to touch. Fluttershy's eyes constantly shifted from her marefriend to the other ponies they passed, specifically the couples. Her mind went back to that morning, and her gaze began to move to Rarity's tail.
"Don't think I don't see you looking." Rarity winked, sending a wave of warmth through Fluttershy's body.
"I— I was ju— jus—"
"I was just teasing, Fluttershy." Rarity looked ahead again, but her gaze returned when she heard more stammering.
"Ca— can I, I m— mean, can y— you, can we.." Fluttershy took a breath in to calm herself down. "Can we intertwine our tails?" The words came out as one, barely intelligible at the speed she had spoken.
"Well of course we can. I'm glad you asked." Rarity gave her a kind smile as she wrapped her tail around Fluttershy's, which helped calm the pegasi's nerves.
Fluttershy's face felt like it was on fire, warm perspiration sliding down her face and landing on the ground. Why had she gotten so worked up over this? It was a simple way of showing affection, yet she had broken out in an anxious sweat because of it.
They walked in a comfortable silence, no words needed to be shared between them. The soft hum of birds singing in the distance and the soft tapping of their hooves hitting the ground filled the air. The couple soon made their way to the entrance to Ponyville Café, taking their seats at an outdoors table. They made idle conversation as they scanned the menus before a waiter arrived.
"Good evening! What will you two be having?" The waiter held a notepad and a pencil in their magical grasp.
"I will have a cucumber sandwich with a glass of iced tea, please." Rarity smiled at the waiter.
The waiter nodded and smiled back, quickly scribbling down the order. "And you?" They motioned to Fluttershy.
"I— I'll have the, uh, green salad with so— with some water, please," Fluttershy squeaked out. Even after all this time she still wasn't comfortable doing simple tasks like ordering food. It was so annoying. Sometimes she felt like a helpless foal.
Don't focus on that, you're on a date right now. Just look at Rarity and remember why you're here.
She stared intently into Rarity's eyes, which helped calm her down.
The waiter wrote down the order. "Alright, your drinks shall arrive shortly." They nodded again at the two and went inside.
Rarity turned from the now-absent waiter and saw that Fluttershy was gazing into her eyes, looking like she was in an almost dreamlike state. She lightly chuckled. It seemed that this was becoming more common every day.
Fluttershy always found Rarity's eyes to be the most gorgeous thing about her. Besides her mane, and the rest of her face, and her voice, and the way she moved, and— well, maybe she liked everything about her.
But Rarity's eyes had instantly drawn her attention. Those big, beautiful blue eyes, colored like the sky and more radiant than the sun that resided there. They were like a never-ending ocean, so vast and deep. They said so much about her without having to say anything at all. The twinkle in them shined brighter than a thousand stars, and even if they blinded her one day Fluttershy would never be able to look away.
"Fluttershy?"
"Whuh?" Fluttershy's head lolled a bit, before she became fully alert of her surroundings. A red hue quickly appeared on her cheeks. "I— I'm sorry, I was just—"
"You don't have to apologize for admiring your marefriend." Rarity crossed her hooves and winked. "I don't mind, you know."
Fluttershy simply nodded. The waiter returned, carrying two glasses in their magic. They placed the drinks on the table. "Your food will be ready in a minute." After the couple gave their thanks, the waiter returned indoors.
"Why do you apologize so much anyways?" Fluttershy almost dropped her glass at the question, the she quickly regained her grasp on it. She took a shaky sip of water before answering.
"I.. I don't know. I guess I just— I started doing it a— a lot when I was a foal. It helped keep the— the peace." She took another shaky sip.
"Keep the peace?" Rarity tilted her head, confused.
"Like, if there— if there was a fight, be— between two of my friends, I would take the— I would take the blame."
"But why?"
"Is it okay if we— if we talk about this another time?" Fluttershy looked down at the table.
"Yes," Rarity replied simply. She tucked the thought into the back of her mind. The more she reflected on it, the more she realized just how often Fluttershy really did apologize. It was truly odd. But that was for another time.
She took a drink of her iced tea, gazing around the area. There was only one other table occupied outside, where a trio of ponies sat. The sun had begun it's slow descent in the sky, coating the world in a light orange hue. The clouds had begun to blend together as they evaporated, creating a near-perfect view of the sun.
That would be good for later.
"So, uh, h— how are the other boutiques doing?" Fluttershy quietly asked, attempting to reinvigorate the conversation.
Rarity returned her focus to Fluttershy and took a sip of her iced tea. "They're doing good, from what I've been told. Especially in Manehattan, surprisingly enough. If I had known how lucrative the market was there I would've opened up there years ago!"
Fluttershy smiled. She always enjoyed listening to Rarity to talk about the things she was passionate about. It was like music to her ears whenever the unicorn would ramble about the fashion industry or the latest dress she was working on. She usually tuned out what her marefriend was actually saying, instead content to just focus on the sound of her voice.
Rarity continued on, listing off the several ideas she had for clothing that would "change the world", up until the waiter returned with their food. The waiter placed their food on the table and smiled kindly at them once more. Fluttershy nodded her thanks.
"Thank you." Rarity began to grab her bag of bits out of her pocket — the newest trend in fashion — but the waiter interrupted her.
"You can pay at any time, it's alright," the waiter told her.
"No no, I insist." She placed the bag on the table, the waiter's eyes widening at the size of it.
"That has to be more than double the price of your food!"
"You can keep the change." Rarity pushed the bag to the waiter, whose smile widened as they picked it up in their magic.
"Thank you so much for this." The waiter trotted away, a little more pep in his step than before.
"What brought that on?" Fluttershy asked between bites of her salad.
"Well, I just felt like doing something nice. I'm in a good mood after all." Rarity picked up her sandwich and bit into it.
"..Uh, it— it was very nice of you." Fluttershy smiled, taking a sip of her tea.
"I always forget how delicious the food here is." Rarity was already halfway done her sandwich before Fluttershy had taken a third bite of her salad.
"Yeah, it is really good."
Rarity and Fluttershy had left the café by the time the sun was halfway done descending. The sky was a rich orange, with a hint of light pink to add to the beauty of the scene. Everything they saw was covered in an orange hue, making the world around them even more gorgeous and lively.
The couple were walking through the local park, trying to get to the best spot possible to watch the sunset. They waved to a few ponies as they passed, and they waved back. Some ponies noticed the intertwined tails and gave their support, something which warmed Fluttershy's heart further.
She felt like she was on top of the world. Here she was with her marefriend, the greatest mare she knew, about to watch the most breathtaking thing in the world besides the pony next to her. They had done this before, but every time felt like the first time she had ever done it. It was so—
"—beautiful, isn't it?"
Fluttershy hadn't noticed that she had sat down and snuggled up to Rarity until the words left her lips. The grass felt soft beneath her hooves, made even more pleasant by the pony sitting next to her. She had instinctively put a wing around Rarity as they stared ahead.
"It really is. I'm so glad we got here in time." Rarity leaned a little closer into Fluttershy, the two settling into a comfortable silence.
The sun's fading glow cast an ethereal light on the land, a mix of oranges and yellows and pinks stretching out as far as the eye could see. Everything was caught in a burning ember, like a fire on a bitter winter night. There were so many things that Fluttershy had never noticed before, so many beautiful things that were hidden away until now.
The trees looked brighter, given more life by the bright rays. The flowers bloomed taller, softly blowing in the fields below and standing out against the green backdrops. The tall, looming mountains that lead to Canterlot could be seen in distance, lit up by the setting sun. The sun blazed as it moved towards the ground, filling her with a feeling of comfort that was once unimaginable to her.
Fluttershy turned her head to face Rarity. Somehow, basked in the radiance of the scene before her, the unicorn was more beautiful than the sunset. Fluttershy slowly moved Rarity's head to face her before pulling her into a kiss, filled with more passion and intimacy than ever before.
In front of them, the sun faded into the forthcoming darkness, soon to be replaced by the moon.
"it's a low tide, i'll be fine, i found peace in drowning"
Rarity sat motionless at her sewing machine, barely able to remain conscious. What time was it now, three in the morning? She couldn't tell. The clock that hung on the far side of her room had become so blurry that she couldn't read the numbers anymore. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hooves to try and make them less bleary.
Her eyes fell onto the mess of fabric in front of her, piling up until they became indistinguishable. She let out a frustrated groan. Where had her inspiration gone? She had went to bed, woken up an hour later with a million ideas in her head, then sat at her table staring at unmoving fabric for who knows how long.
Rarity slammed her hoof against the table, as though it was the cause of her problems. She needed something to lash out at, some way to release her anger. Biting her lip, she ignored the seering pain in her hoof and went back to staring at the fabric. It was like they were testing her, waiting for her resolve to break again.
This was the second night in a row that this had happened. She would just end up sitting there, doing nothing except wishing she had the motivation to do anything. But the flame would never be reignited no matter how many times she tried to light it.
This proved to be a problem, as a regular client had placed a particularly large order that was to be ready by the end of the week.
"It'll be fine," Rarity told herself. "Everything will be just..." She hung her head and tore her gaze from the fabric, unable to stomach looking at it any longer. "...fine. Maybe I need some water."
She stood up and quietly trotted out of her room. The lamp in the hallway gave her just enough light to see where she was going, giving everything a dim grey appearance. She went down the stairs and moved to the kitchen, her hooves dragging slightly.
Faint traces of moonlight filtered in through the window, illuminating the kitchen. The stars in the night sky seemed a little less visible than usual, but Rarity paid no mind to that. She paid no mind to anything, instead just quickly getting a glass of water and trying not to cough it back up after she drank it.
"Am I coming down with something?" She asked herself, but no response came to her. Having put away her glass, she walked back upstairs, feeling no better than she had a few minutes prior. When she entered her room she made a point not to look at the fabric on her table.
"I think I should get some rest..." She sluggishly walked over to her bed, barely feeling in control of her body. After she collapsed onto her bed, she lay there pitifully, unmoving until her body yelled at her to turn over.
She ended up staring at the ceiling for an unknown amount of time before returning to her table, back to staring at the fabric.
Rarity blinked, a horrid, rancid noise coming out of her throat as she gagged on the air. As her vision began to return, her head slowly stopped spinning. A groan passed through her lips as she finally became able to see properly. Sitting in front of her was a neatly folded blue sun dress, covered in a white daisy pattern. There were 2 other dresses, the same design with slightly differing colors, sitting next to it.
"What?"
She looked around the room, only just now noticing the sunlight that came in through the window. When had it become day? More importantly, when had she made these dresses? Had she even made them, or were they some of the inspiration pieces she had stored away for when she was creatively lacking? No, these were brand new. She knew that.
What she didn't know was how she could've possibly made them. She went to sleep before even touching her sewing machine, let alone starting to design any dresses. Hadn't she?
A series of knocks made Rarity jump out of her seat. "Come in!" She attempted to put on her most level voice, but it faltered into a tired moan almost immediately.
Fluttershy gingerly pushed open the door, looking down at the floor as she moved. "Uh, hey, Rarity." She looked up, her eyes widening at the sight before her.
Rarity's mane was frazzled, in some places sticking out randomly and other places matted to her face from sweat. Her eyes hung heavily, bags under them from how long she had gone without sleeping. Little red lines hid themselves in the corners of her bloodshot eyes. She looked like she was barely awake, holding onto the table to support her tired body.
"However did you get in here? I thought I had locked the door last night."
"Your sister let me in. Are— are you alright?" Fluttershy took a few pensive steps forward.
"I'm fine, dear. I just... had one of my fashion frenzies, as they've been called."
There were times where Rarity got so lost in her work that her mind would shut down, leaving her body to continue moving on it's own. In her mind, she was simply asleep during these times, even if her body was awake. The worst case of this lead her to being hospitalized after she lost consciousness for 2 days straight.
"Oh, um, do you need anything?"
"Could I get your opinion on these.. on these dresses?" Rarity motioned to the folded dresses that rested on the table.
"They look lovely," Fluttershy responded immediately, beginning to move again. "How about you— why don't you take a— a break?"
"No! I need to finish this order." Rarity clumsily folded her hooves, almost losing her balance.
"I think that it— that it would be a good i— idea if you did."
Rarity didn't respond, instead turning to her material shelf. She hummed a tuneless song quietly as she tried to find a specific fabric.
"Today was supposed to be our spa day, you know."
In that moment, it seemed like a switch had been flipped in Rarity's head. She twisted around and finally looked into Fluttershy's eyes, an apologetic look on her face.
"Oh. I'm sorry. I just got so caught up in my work that I completely forgot." Rarity glanced away, shame in her eyes.
"It— it's alright, Rarity."
"Do we still have time to go to the spa? I could really go for a massage right about now. Something to help calm my nerves."
"Oh! Um, yes, our appointment isn't for another half an hour. I came here because we were supposed to— supposed to meet there a few minutes ago, but you weren't there."
"I truly am sorry about that." Rarity stood up, though she quickly sat down again as moving so fast made her nauseous. "Do you mind if I wash up a bit before we go? I wouldn't say I'm at my..." She looked down at herself. "...most presentable."
"Of course not, Rarity."
Rarity felt a million times better after leaving the spa. All the tension that had built up inside of her had been expertly eased away, the knots in her muscles had been treated perfectly, and her hooves and mane looked better than they had in weeks. The spa wasn't her favorite place to go to for no reason.
It gave her a place to relax, a place to let go of all the stress she had accumulated since her last visit. The feeling of laying in a hot tub, all her troubles soaking away into the water that surrounded her, that was something she loved.
Fluttershy cleared her throat, breaking Rarity out of her thoughts. "Um, Rarity?"
"Yes, dear?" Rarity turned her full attention to the pegasus.
"Your.. fashion fre— frenzy, it didn't have anything to do with our fight from last night, did it?"
Rarity was silent for a few seconds, before letting out a laugh. At Fluttershy's confused expression, she explained, "Of course not. I would hardly even call that a fight. All we did was argue a bit because we had a disagreement, say some regrettable things, then we kissed and made up. It was as much of a fight as... if we had argued over who would get the last potato chip, as it were. Something meaningless and unimportant."
Fluttershy took a few seconds to think up a response. "You seemed really mad, th— though. And when you're upset you usually— you go right to making dresses. It's like you're, um, distracting yourself-"
"I make dresses for a living." Hints of indignance started to creep into Rarity's tone. "I'm telling you that our little tiff didn't affect me as much as you think it did. Can't it just be that I had a sudden rush of motivation and have that be that?"
"But—"
"Please, Fluttershy? Will you believe me just this one time?" She narrowed her eyes, her voice hardening just enough for Fluttershy to notice. "I have a very important order that has to be done by the end of the week. That's all this is, ok?"
Fluttershy fell silent, her throat suddenly feeling dry. "Y— yeah, I guess so. I— I'm sorry." Her gaze went to the ground.
"It's alright, dear."
Fluttershy expected there to be more said, but silence filled the air once again. Her eyes remained on the ground for the rest of their walk.
"Rarity—"
"I'm sorry about earlier."
The response caught her off guard. "You— you are?"
"Yes, I shouldn't have been so snappy with you. I really thought the spa had gotten rid of all my stress, but I fear not." Rarity's eyes shifted away from Fluttershy's for a brief flicker.
"It's ok. Maybe you just— maybe you just need some rest. I hope you feel better soon." Fluttershy tried to smile her most genuine smile. Rarity didn't seem to notice how strained it was.
"Maybe you're right."
Nothing was said for a few instants, the tension in the air wrapping around Fluttershy's throat and beginning to suffocate her.
"Well," Rarity continued, "I guess this is where we part for the day. I love you."
"I love you too."
The two shared a kiss. It started out slow but as it grew in intensity, the spark in Fluttershy's chest was reignited. It made her forget about the previous unease.
Rarity always knew just how to cheer her up.
When they pulled away, the smile on Fluttershy's face had become a genuine one.
"Have a good day, Rarity." Fluttershy pulled her into a hug, her grip tighter than usual.
"You too." Rarity lightly nuzzled her.
The two separated and Fluttershy went on her way home. Rarity silently watched her walk away. When Fluttershy stopped to talk to a materializing draconequus, an indescribable feeling bubbled in Rarity's chest. She released the breath she hadn't realized she had been holding as the pegasus disappeared from her view.
She entered the boutique, her mind replaying the argument that had passed earlier. Fluttershy had brought forth such a preposterous idea that she didn't know whether or not to take it seriously. Why and how would she 'distract herself' by doing her work? That made zero sense.
Pushing it out of her mind, the lack of sleep finally began hitting her. Combined with the relaxation from the spa, her mind fell into a half-conscious haze. She could barely lift her hooves at this point, but she kept pushing as she mindlessly walked to her room. Her body led her there purely on instinct.
She yawned loudly as she opened her door, her gaze immediately falling onto her workspace. Of course, there was still things to be done, no matter how foggy her mind was becoming. She had to get this order done. That was the most important thing right now. It didn't matter if she was falling asleep as she walked, it didn't matter if she could barely move without her muscles screaming at her to stop, all that mattered was making those dresses. She had to get this order done.
And so she got to work.
Author's Note
sometimes you gotta close a door to open a window
"this 60/40 isn't working, i want a hundred of your time, you're mine"
Rarity stood on a hillside, watching as the leaves of the trees rustled in the distance. A calm breeze drifted through the air, blowing her hair just the slightest bit. The moon had long since replaced the sun, its white glow lighting up the world before her. There were countless stars in the sky, little radiant specks that seemed to go on infinitely.
The grass lightly brushed against her hooves as she stared out at the expansive mountains set out in front of her. The rocky peaks stood tall in the moonlight, the sharp summits looking like daggers. She frowned slightly at the comparison.
She slowly lowered herself until she was sitting down. She felt roses beneath her hooves, the sweet smell coming from them almost intoxicating to her. A content smile settled on her face as she took in the scene before her. She looked down — when had she moved to the edge of the hill? — and watched the river slowly run. The river was a light blue, almost teal-ish color, which drew her gaze closer. She felt like she couldn't tear her eyes away from it.
She watched the fish that occasionally jumped out of the water. Some of them were bright, almost too saturated to look at. Others were dull, like they'd had the life ripped out of them by a hook. The ones that she focused her attention on were the yellow ones. Though they didn't jump the highest, their muted yet shiny color made them contrast perfectly against the dark purples and greens of the land beyond.
Two voices, distant at first, were soon heard. They sounded vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place her hoof on who they belonged to. She could just barely make out their conversation.
"—glad we got to—"
"—such a—"
"—think that maybe—"
"—great idea."
Rarity turned her head and watched as two silhouetted ponies walked together until they stopped. One of them backed away slightly, confusing the other. The pony began to decompose from within, thick black ooze pouring out of their stomach. Their body convulsed and fell onto the floor as bile was spewed out of their invisible mouth. Silent screams rang out through the forest. Cracks of white light began to appear, starting at the hooves until there was nothing but a giant flash.
The other pony watched without moving an inch.
Where the silhouette of a pony once stood, now was the immediately recognizable shape of a draconequus. He rose to his feet like nothing had happened, stepping over the pile of acidic bile and pulling the pony into a hug. When the pony's wings shot out, Rarity realized what was happening and who the shapes has been.
She shot to her hooves immediately, shifting her body so fast that she momentarily became disoriented. She violently shook her head and began galloping to where she'd heard the voices. They had resumed speaking, but she paid no mind to what they were saying. It was white noise to her.
Every time she moved forward, the voices would move back. There was a constant space between them, no matter how fast she ran. She cried out to the disembodied voices, but they ignored her.
The figures didn't move their limbs, instead shifting backwards while remaining in the same static pose. Kissing, arms wrapped around the other. Only the occasional twitch told that they weren't statues.
Rarity caught one of her back hooves on a hidden tree root and lost her footing, crashing to the ground. Her head swam as she tried to pick herself up. The dirt was like ice to her, and she repeatedly fell back down. After what felt like a million attempts, she returned to her hooves.
The silhouettes remained where they were. They had broken their kiss and were now staring into the deep vacancy of each other's faces.
"You're so much better than my last marefriend, Rarity." The voice stabbed at her with the force of a thousand knives. It sounded so much like Fluttershy, but there were little imperfections in it. She was too low pitched, too scratchy and gravel. It was so much louder as well, making Rarity want to cover her ears.
"Rarity. Rarity. Rarity. Rarity. Rarity. Rarity." With each repetition, the voice became more distorted, crackling harshly until it become unintelligible. It was a hum of harsh noise that made the unicorn hear ringing. It continued its screeching, growing louder and higher until it was all that she could hear. "Rarity. Rarity. Rarity. Rarity. Rarity. Rar—
—ity?"
Her grip on the pony next to her grew tighter as her eyes fluttered open. "What? Fluttershy?" She glanced around the room, feeling a sense of unfamiliarity in it. There was nothing different about Fluttershy's room as far as she could tell.
"Are you okay?" Fluttershy tried to wriggle out of Rarity's grasp, but the unicorn just pulled her closer.
"I had a terrible dream... there was—-" Rarity's eyes widened. There was no way she could tell Fluttershy about the true events of her dream. All it would do was cause a pointless fight first thing in the morning. "A timberwolf invasion." Her voice faltered slightly.
"Oh my. It— it was just a dream. You're safe now." Fluttershy placed a kiss on her marefriend's muzzle. "Better?"
Rarity nodded, her stare a thousand yards ahead.
"Good. You can let go of me now. I— I have to go take a shower."
Rarity made a discontented noise, snuggling up closer.
"You and I smell awful." They did, now that Rarity thought about it. A light musk hung in the air and the scent of sweat infiltrated her nostrils.
"But I wanna cuddle with yoooou," the unicorn whined, her voice muffled as her head was buried in the crux of Fluttershy's neck.
"As much as I want to, and I— I do, we both have a busy day today."
Rarity let out her most exaggerated groan as she let go of Fluttershy. The lack of warmth hit her immediately, making her shiver imperceptibly.
"Thank you. Are you gonna leave before I take my shower?"
Rarity pondered the question. She did have some work to do, but on the other hoof, she could feel Fluttershy slipping away from her. If her dream was any indication, things were going to go very wrong very quickly. One second without her and Fluttershy would be gone, in the arms of a certain draconequus.
She wasn't going to stand for it.
"No, I think I'll stay for a little while longer."
After a talkative breakfast, Rarity had returned home to work on an order. Everything felt slightly off as she worked. Her hooves were more limp and heavy than usual, causing her to mess up the stitching on numerous occasions. Time moved irregularly — sometimes an hour passed in the blink of an eye and sometimes a minute dragged on forever. Something was definitely going on, but she couldn't quite put her hoof on what.
Maybe she had just been distracted. She had gotten caught up in her own mind on occasion, thinking about Fluttershy and Discord. Though she didn't have hard evidence, she knew he was trying to take Fluttershy away. He was pulling her, tying strings around her and tugging as hard as he could. Rarity wouldn't be able to hold on forever if he kept at it.
There had to be a way to stop this, to end this tug of war she had found herself in. She had to have a serious talk with Fluttershy about this. She knew just how badly he was going to hurt the pegasus, and there was no way she wasn't going to stop it.
The order forgotten, she turned off her sewing machine and left the boutique running, her focus dead set on getting to Fluttershy's cottage. She didn't acknowledge any greetings, nor did she acknowledge any strange looks she got afterwards. She had somewhere to be.
With every cloud of dust that rose from her stomped hoofprints, every crunch of the soil beneath her, her resolve grew stronger. She ducked her head slightly as she picked up her pace, to stop the wind from blowing through her mane as much.
Her breath began to come out in short bursts, her lungs burning and begging for a break. She could feel the strain in her legs, but she kept pushing ahead. She had to. For Fluttershy.
When the mare in question's cottage came into view, one thing immediately became noticeable, sticking out like a sore hoof amidst the serene little home.
There was a portal on the front lawn.
Rarity toppled over when she first saw it. She lifted her head from the dirt and shook it a few times to right herself out of her daze. She looked ahead and saw that it was, in fact, still there.
There was a cyan glow around it that served as a border, with little accents of sparkles and colorful dots appearing as well. She couldn't see much of what was inside of it, but she could make out a spinning vortex that lead to a forest of decaying orange trees. All of the visible leaves were blackened and seemed to be melting, thick clumps of alluvium oozing out from where they sat.
Rarity was now at an impasse. She could either talk to Fluttershy, making her realize that Discord was trying to steal her away...
...or she could enter the portal and speak to Discord himself.
Memories of her first encounter with Discord still lingered in her mind, even after all these years. The feeling of being outside of her own body, unable to dictate what she did while under his control, sometimes haunted her. Stepping into his dimension would be like when he first arrived to Ponyville, wreaking havoc and messing with the order of everything, but a million times worse.
Was it worth it?
Rarity lifted herself up and began putting one hoof in front of the other, her mind made up. She was going to confront Discord on his own playing field. There was so much that could go wrong, but she didn't care. All that mattered to her was protecting Fluttershy.
She stopped before she entered the portal. She sized it up, examining what she could see of the inside of it. The tree that she'd seen earlier had deteriorated into a simple stump. A steady flow of something poured out of a gaping hole in the middle of it, shooting up into the air far beyond her view. The short stump was surrounded by black leaves that contorted into the shapes of tiny ponies.
Rarity took a deep breath and steeled herself, telling herself that this was for the greater good. It had to be. She stepped in—
—and began falling through the air from a thousand miles up.
She plummeted towards the ground, her body shaking from the cold wind that hit her. A scream left her lips, but there was no noise. Instead a trickle of bubbles fell out of her mouth, flying upwards. She tried to scream again, but only more bubbles came.
Everything was moving like it was sped up. One second she was unable to see the unforgiving ground below her, the next she was just about to crash into it, ending her existence in an instant.
She didn't have any time to think, any final musings or realizations before she hit the cold hard earth. But it wasn't cold, or hard, or even earth. She sunk into it for a single millisecond before she landed in a pool of water.
Rarity instinctively pulled herself upwards, but the more she swam the further the surface got from her. She could see the light of the world above watching her as it grew more and more distant. The air in her lungs was rapidly depleting, and if she didn't get out quick this was going to be her tomb.
With one final burst of energy, she pushed her body as hard as she could.
When she broke to the surface, she found that she had escaped a mud hole. Her coat was covered in freezing muck, exacerbated as she clumsily walked through the mud. Her hooves felt alien to her, like she was just learning to walk for the first time. She stumbled multiple times before she reached the grassy edge of the hole.
When she touched the grass, the world around her shifted, the previous scene visibly torn apart as everything changed. A mammoth blur passed in front of Rarity's eyes before she found herself standing on top of a solitary tree.
Finally able to stop for a moment, she took in her surroundings. The bright yellow leaves she stood on clamped her hooves together, trapping her in place with an iron grip. The colors of everything around her appeared inverted. Black was white, green was yellow, blue was red. The sky was a mix of neon colors that were eye bleeding if one stared for too long. Eldritch creatures bounced around without a care in the world on the patterned floors. The patterns would abruptly shift from checkerboard to striped seemingly at random.
Well, everything was random here. That was the point.
Pigs flew while birds rolled around, incomprehensible poetry appeared on the constantly shifting buildings, giants played hoofball with each other across continental-sized fields. Nothing was in order, except that it was. Controlled chaos, Discord liked to call it.
Milk began to fall out of a nearby cloud, starting as a few droplets before devolving into a heavy downpour. It appeared to be falling upwards, though. Then it clicked.
Rarity was upside down.
The leaves released her and she fell to the ground with a thud. She felt nothing whatsoever from the impact, picking herself up immediately after. The world had turned over and became upright again, thankfully. The sky had changed to a mix of purple with hints of blue thrown in, with ghost-like beings appearing if one looked hard enough. The ground beneath her was tiled and grey, cold to the touch. She'd rather that than having to feel the leaves hold her again.
The tree that she had been standing on was perched right next to her, and she stepped away from it slightly. Behind her sat what appeared to be a pool of some kind of liquid, though she couldn't tell what and didn't want to find out. It was acid green and a whiff of it made her eyes water. She turned around and looked in the distance.
Discord's house sat on one of the little islands, a thousand miles away.
Rarity sighed. There was no chance of her ever getting to it. She had gone through all of this trouble for nothing. Great.
A buzzing from afar caught her attention, and she shot up when she saw an island between hers and Discord's. She ran back to get a head start, but found herself asking a simple question. How was she going to get there?
She pondered it, frustrated at how another hole had formed in her plans. There was no winning in this situation. But there had to be, right? She couldn't just lose Fluttershy to Discord after all of this. Everything she'd been through in his dimension was proof that he was trying to steal Fluttershy away. He was doing all of this to try to deter her, to get her to give up. No amount of chaos was going to stop Rarity, though.
Chaos...
That was it.
If there were no rules in this dimension, then she could do anything she wanted in here. She began to gallop towards the edge of the island, adrenaline taking over. Either she would die here or she would get to the other side and save her marefriend. She just had to give it a shot.
She took the leap.
The sensation of weightlessness wasn't what she was expecting to feel as her hooves left the ground. It was a feeling that was hard to describe— like a combination of the first time she flew and the elation after she made her first ever dress. She knew she was still in her body, but all she could feel was the bliss flowing through her veins.
She felt free. She was just a pony floating in an infinite vacuum with no problems to deal with, no emotions to make things complicated, nothing holding her down. She was simply there, and she loved it.
When she regained feeling in her hooves, Rarity began to swim through the air. She was light as a feather as she moved, a small smile on her face. This was the first time since she had crossed over into this dimension that she felt she could breathe.
She forgot about everything, just taking in the moment. She found a sort of abstract beauty in the scenery. There was something oddly charming about how much disarray everything was in. For a second, as she watched a peryton fly past her, she wondered if this was all worth it.
Then she remembered why she was here.
When she landed on the lawn to Discord's house, she felt slightly lightheaded. She trotted up to the front door, her determination simultaneously growing and shrinking at the same time. Now that she was actually about to do this, she was a little nervous.
There were so many ways that things could end badly for her. The possibility of Discord becoming a villain once more, beginning his reign of terror by eliminating her, passed through her head. No. She wasn't scared of him. She wouldn't be scared of him.
Everything was going to end now, once and for all. If he didn't back down now, she would make him.
Rarity lifted her hoof and knocked on the door three times.
When the door opened, Fluttershy was standing on the other side. The mug she was holding fell out of her hooves and shattered against the floor.
"Rarity?"
A BOY IS A GUN*
"why are you the best to me? i know you're the worst for me"
Of all the things that Fluttershy had expected to see in the chaos dimension, a disheveled Rarity standing on Discord's doorstep was not on that list.
Fluttershy had just sat down with a cup of tea in her hooves. Discord had gone off to do something — if she recalled correctly he mentioned "watering his books" — before any real conversation could begin. It left her with not much else to do but observe the constantly changing details of the living room.
It was never the same way twice in a row. Whenever one blinked something would turn upside down, or change color, or disappear and be replaced entirely. The patterns on the wall turned from gradient to gradient in front of Fluttershy's eyes, never an identical group of shades twice. The furniture, save for the mini-couches that were usually occupied, got redesigned with different materials or even morphed into new shapes.
The lava that burst from the miniature volcano occasionally became something else, like clear water or hot air. There were odd times where an object, such as a ball, would pop out and roll right over to one of the couches. That was usually how Discord gave things to Fluttershy.
He was—
Three knocks sounded against the door, and Fluttershy felt the calm atmosphere of the day thus far shatter into a million pieces. Alarm bells went off in her head. Why was there someone else in the chaos dimension? The only pony that had ever been given access was herself. Maybe whoever it was had entered by accident?
Fluttershy shot to her hooves at that thought. If that was the case, then that meant there was an open portal lying around somewhere in Equestria. The amount of dangerous possibilities that brought up was far too high for her to count, and she didn't want to start.
Or maybe it was just Discord, she told herself. It sounded unlikely, but nothing was ever too outlandish for him. She held onto that hope because if it wasn't the truth, something grave had to have happened.
Fluttershy walked on quick hooves. Two scenarios played out in her head — she was either going to give Discord a kind but firm talking-to, or the same to whoever had wandered through the portal to the chaos dimension. One of those was more dreaded than the others.
When she reached the door, she steeled herself. Everything was going to be fine. Whoever was on the other side probably just stumbled in by accident and walked up to the first house they saw. There was nothing to be worried about.
All of that was thrown out the window when she came face to face with Rarity. The mug she had been holding fell, clattering to the floor and smashing into innumerable little pieces.
"Rarity?"
The unicorn's mane was all over the place, sticking out in every which way. There was a slight gash on her left cheek, dripping out small slivers of crimson blood. She either didn't notice it or didn't care. She had that look in her eyes. It told that whatever was going to come out of her mouth next was not to be taken lightly. It appeared in many contexts— when she talked about the future of her business, or when the bubbling anger inside her spilled out, for example —but it always meant that she was going to initiate a serious conversation.
As soon as their eyes met, the look disappeared.
A gasp left Rarity's lips before she could stop it. "Fluttershy! What a..." She faltered for a second, her gaze going to the grass before returning to meet the pegasi's stare. "...pleasant surprise."
"Wh— what are you doing here?" Fluttershy's voice was dripping with a mix of confusion and fear. Her eyes were the size of saucers. "Is there something wr— wrong? Did something bad happen?" Her breathing picked up with each word that nervously tumbled out, the knot in her chest growing tighter.
"I was, um..." Rarity cleared her throat abruptly, hoping to stop the slight shaking in her voice. "I saw there was a portal still open next to your cottage."
"So you just ju— jumped right in?" Fluttershy took a step forward, to which Rarity stepped back.
"I wanted to make sure you were safe."
"From what?"
"From—" The question caught Rarity off-guard. What could she say here? Was now truly the time to confront Fluttershy, right in front of Discord's house? Doing so could open a can of worms that she certainly did not want to deal with, but the more she pushed things aside, the worse they got. Her relationship was on the line here.
It was now or never.
"From Discord." In that moment, everything fell away. The purplish sky that surrounded them began to shatter, cracks forming in the middle that spread in every direction. The swirling apparitions that rested in the atmosphere vanished, swept away by the breeze. A low, almost imperceptible rumbling noise came from the ground. It shook the dirt as it passed through again.
The sky was now completely gone. There was only a hollow black desolation that stretched as far as the eye could see. Vague flickers of objects appeared occasionally, but they were sucked in as soon as they appeared, decomposing in an instant.
The ground shook once more. Little chunks of the earth behind Rarity had begun to break apart and collapse, falling down into the infinitely deep nihility that hung just below. The wind that was previously inaudible was now howling, the only thing filling the silence between the two mares.
"Rarity..." Fluttershy's voice came out strained and quiet, barely audible above the wind.
"I'm worried about you, dear. I don't want you to see you get hurt by him."
"Why would he hurt me?"
"I know you, and I know what he's capable of. He's 'reformed', or so he says, but I still don't like seeing you around him. It's too dangerous."
"I... I appreciate you caring for my s— safety, but I don't... like this." Fluttershy motioned around them. The floating islands that had previously surrounded them had crumbled to pieces, now either flecks of dust hanging in the air or morsels being swept away by the wind. A kaleidoscope of colors and objects flew around in the draft, with small droplets of molten sludge pouring down from inside of it.
More of the ground behind Rarity caved in, becoming ash that flew into the encompassing storm. With each second that passed, further portions fell away, closer to pulling the unicorn down with them.
"What do you mean, 'this'?" Rarity questioned.
A loud fracture reverberated from directly beneath the unicorn, and the instant it came, the terrain she had been standing on collapsed.
"Rarity!"
She felt a familiar feeling— freefall. Her body was featherlike as it plummeted into the abyss. All the air that had left her lungs had found refuge in her head, and she felt like she was nothing more than a leaf blowing in the wind. For a moment she forget where she was, instead imagining herself immersed in an expansive, overflowing bathtub.
The hot water seeped into her fur, easing the tension in her muscles. As she floated, she could feel her nerves calming down. There was nothing else besides her, the water, and a beautiful sunrise in the distance. All of her troubles had slipped away from her mind, leaving her to glide without a care in the world. Everything was alright.
Then a pair of hooves wrapped around her torso and forcefully yanked her out of the bathtub.
A shriek escaped Rarity's parted lips. The sounds of fluttering wings and heavy breaths filled her ears as she was lifted through the air. She looked down into the hollow void, its unending gloom sending a shiver down her spine and into her hooves. She couldn't tear her eyes away from it, even as it grew distant.
"Are— are you ok?" A voice from above asked. It sounded like it was a million miles away, barely registering in Rarity's head.
At the lack of response, Fluttershy looked down. She watched as Rarity stared into the pit, her hooves idly twitching as she reached out. The expression on her face was half dazed, half vacant. Her muzzle hung ajar.
Fluttershy sighed, her breath hitting the top of Rarity's head and ruffling the unicorn's hair slightly. She turned her head and saw a small fragment of light in the distance. It was the only source of color in the now blank dimension, and as she examined it further she noticed the blue aura surrounding it.
"I— I found a portal. I'm getting you out of here."
She flew ahead, weaving between the rocks that were now being flung towards her by the wind. The portal growing ever closer, she pushed herself harder, her wings flapping as fast as they could. They were burning, and a dull pain had formed in her stomach, but she had to get there as fast as she could.
Gravel blew past her, just barely missing her as she moved out of the way. The portal was so close now, she could almost reach it with her hooves.
Her hold on Rarity was loosening.
Panic overtook her mind, and her wings began flapping on overdrive. Her body ached everywhere, but she kept pressing onwards. She was nearly there, and there was no chance that she would give up now. A seething pain shot through her body as the pair crossed through the portal—
—and subsequently fell from the sky.
The two let out a shared scream as they tumbled through the air. Fluttershy pulled Rarity closer and turned her body so that she was on the bottom. If one of them would have to take the impact from this fall, it was going to be her.
They landed in a river, their hold broken as they hit the water. Rarity drifted along, halfway between sinking and floating. Her body moved lethargically, like a weight was tied to it. She could barely lift her hooves enough to swim. Her mind was hazy, hardly able to tell where she was. It was too dark to see more than a few feet ahead of her, so she had to rely on the air bubbles to guide her. The bubbles had begun to slow down.
She heaved herself up with all the strength she could muster, but it barely made a difference. The bubbles were coming even slower now. Terror began to set into her mind. She tried to move, but her body resisted every attempt, like it was tethered to the floor of the river.
Hooves grabbed her from above, pulling her to the surface. She was dragged along limply, her limbs trying their best to drag her down.
When she reached the shore, she immediately took a giant inhalation, relishing in the air that re-entered her lungs. A horrible feeling passed through her, like she had just been crushed under the weight of countless pillars. Her stomach heaved painfully, and she felt a sudden burning in her throat.
Water was retched up out of her throat, mixed with splatters of bile. She gagged and spluttered, her chest tightening as more water was spewed. Her body slumped to the ground as the coughing continued.
"Oh my gosh!" A pony exclaimed.
Rarity mustered the strength to look over, the figure blurred through her tears.
"Are you alright?"
As the pony came closer, and the fuzz in her head began to fade, it became clearer that she was looking at Fluttershy.
"What... happened?" Rarity weakly asked.
"Do you not remember anything?"
"Do forgive me, but I don't appear to be thinking straight right now."
"...You came to— to Discord's dimension." Fluttershy lowered her head, their eye contact broken.
"Oh." A pause. "Right."
"I was having a good time," Fluttershy continued. "Well, I had just gotten there, but I was— I was going to have a good time. And then you showed up." She began to absentmindendly fiddle with her mane, something to keep her hooves busy while she talked. "I— I don't get it. Why, Rarity?"
"I..." Rarity took some time to think. "I was just looking out for you."
"I don't need you to— to look out for me. I don't want you to throw your— yourself into danger for me and—and try to..." Fluttershy's voice fell to a whisper. "...to interfere with my friendships.."
"Interfere with your friendships?"
"You keep talking ab— about how Discord isn't good for me, and how I should stop being friends with him."
"I know, but—"
"But what, Rarity?"
A sigh. "I... I think I might be a little bit jealous of him." The word felt sour in her mouth now, spreading a deep uncomfort throughout her.
"What? Why?"
"I don't know. It's stupid. I just... I see you two together, and I know that you have this, this connection. It's different than ours, and it's just platonic, but you'll always have something that we can never have."
"Wh- what do you mean?"
"You're the only pony he truly likes. The only reason he's somewhat 'nice' now is because of you. You're the one who saved him, so to speak. And..." Rarity trailed off for a moment. "We'll never have something like that. We were just two friends who started dating. No big story, no redemption."
"That doesn't change anything about us, though. We still l— love each other."
"Sometimes I wonder. Would you do it? There are times when I feel like there's not a chance in the world that it would happen. Other times I feel I wouldn't be surprised."
"I wouldn't do that to you. You know that."
"I don't, really. I'm just... scared. That he's better than me, and that he's going to end up taking you from me."
"He's not trying to." Fluttershy's tone hardened. "I don't like that you keep in— insisting that."
"I just— I want to believe you, Fluttershy. I know I should. But I can't. I'll never stop feeling like you prefer others over me. It's part of my nature, I guess."
"...I don't like having you c— constantly doubt yourself."
"Well, you're going to have to get used to it."
The water in the river flowed, burbling and splashing against the shore. The moonlight hit the water, a stream of white stretching out. There were stars hanging in the sky, but they seemed dimmer than normal, almost greyish in their appearance. The night was an inky navy, the darkest Fluttershy had seen since she could remember. It cast an oppressive atmosphere over everything, making the pressure at the base of her head grow until it engulfed her entirely.
"I th— think I'm gonna go home. It— it's late. I should probably check on..." She trailed off. "Goodnight, Rarity."
"Goodnight," came the distant response. Rarity had her eyes set on the river, watching as it gently rippled.
"I... I love you."
"I love you too." Rarity hadn't blinked.
Fluttershy trembled in place, staring at Rarity. She placed a light kiss on the unicorn's cheek and turned to fly away, but not before getting one final look.
Rarity hadn't moved a muscle.
Fluttershy let out a shaky sigh before taking off and flying away into the night.
Rarity turned her head to watch the pegasus leave. She choked back a quiet sob before regaining her composure. Breath in. Breath out. She looked down to the river again, to her slightly distorted reflection.
The reflection contorted as the seconds passed, like she was looking through a broken window. It warped further, becoming a tortured caricature of the unicorn. Her flat expression had morphed into a twisted grin, the sharp teeth reflected in the light of the moon. Her hair was entirely gone, instead having melted into her head and staining parts of it purple. Her eyes had sunken in, now empty green holes. A gaping hole sat in the middle of her chest, syrupy blood pouring out from the wound.
She slammed a hoof down into the water, erasing all traces of the deformity. A hoof was held over her chest as she attempted to quell her newfound difficulty breathing.
Author's Note
this chapter deals heavily with suicide. if you are uncomfortable with this topic, i would suggest not reading this chapter.
depression sucks.
PUPPET
"i can't maneuver without you next to me, it's so complex to me"
things will get better.
that's what everyone always says. things may be bad now, but things will get better. you're going through a rough spot, but things will get better. you may feel like you're on the brink of collapse from your emotional exhaustion, but things will get better.
it's all bullshit, really. something that people tell you so that you can bottle up your emotions even further and stop bothering them. people don't really care about your problems. they don't care about you. they just care about making themselves feel good, so they'll give you worthless advice and walk away feeling like they did something. all they did was make things worse.
therapy didn't work. no matter how many times fluttershy almost reached the brass ring, it was pulled away from her through another devastating event that brought her back to square one. the void that sat in her chest would begin to fill, but eventually it would become wider than ever. every single time. it was a never-ending cycle.
except there was a way to end it. she knew that.
it crossed her mind occasionally, sometimes solitary thoughts that were discarded as soon as they appeared, other times plans that had been formed and dates that had been selected. none of them ever came to fruition, though. she would always back out at the last minute. of course she would. she was never able to do anything for herself.
when you get to a certain point, every day starts to feel the exact same. you can't distinguish your emotions because you no longer feel any recognizable emotions. you grow too tired to do anything but lay in bed and agonize over the idea of having to go through another day.
the void in fluttershy's chest was always accompanied by a pit in her stomach, creating a black hole inside of her that sucked away all but her weaknesses. sometimes it felt like it had taken everything away from her, but then she'd feel a searing pain in her head, or the last remnants of her heart breaking into even tinier pieces, and she'd remember that she was still alive.
could she even be classified as alive? sure, she was constantly breathing, so she technically was, but she felt so disconnected from her body that sometimes she wouldn't even register what was happening around her. those moments, those breaks from the crushing reality that she lived in, were the only moments where fluttershy felt like she was truly living.
but she was just fine, wasn't she? the times where she actually felt comfortable in her own skin proved that, didn't they? obviously she was just spewing lies for attention, trying to get every ounce of pity she could out of the people she knew. that was what she did every single time, always playing herself up to be a stupid little foal that needed protection from the world. she was just using those around her for her own amusement.
that was what the voice in her head, the crackling, static-like voice that brought all of her darkest thoughts forward. the voice that told her she wasn't good enough, that her friends didn't care for her, that she was a worthless piece of shit who should have done it the first time she had the chance.
but she didn't. because she was scared. she was too scared of the finality of it all. if she went through with it, that would be the definitive end. but things would get better, right? like everyone always told her? at the time she was foolish enough to believe them.
there were so many things wrong with fluttershy that she didn't know where to start. the self-hatred was something she had come to accept as just another part of her life.
her life was aimless outside of the adventures she occasionally went on . sure, she took care of animals, but there were countless other ponies who did it miles better than her. she was just chosen because of proximity, because some animals couldn't risk traveling far to get an actually competent pony to treat them.
she was useless, only an active blight to those around her. she did nothing but hide away from everything and cry when things went wrong. she did nothing to help her friends when they needed her. all she was was dead weight.
she was a waste of air that didn't deserve to breathe. she didn't do anything but hurt the people who cared for her, the people who had to be burdened with her presence whenever she felt like getting out of the house. she could tell that her friends had grown to despise her. the looks they gave her when they didn't have their plastic smiles on told her that.
there were so many times where she had unintentionally hurt someone by saying the wrong thing, or doing something that only benefitted her, or otherwise something awful. every tear-stained face she was met with made her feel like her head was being smashed into the curb of a grimey sidewalk. someone doing that to her would be justified.
no matter how hard she tried, she would never be enough for anyone, or even herself. she was less than a pony, a horrible misrepresentation of what it meant to be good.
an overpowering feeling of anxiety, disguised as a dull throbbing in her head that never went away, filled her at every waking moments. at times it got so bad that she couldn't breathe, like a vice had wrapped around her throat and refused to let go until the life left her eyes. it wouldn't have to wait long, then.
the depression was worse. that sense of dread whenever she so much as breathed, the pit in her stomach falling deeper until she was immobile, the hollow feeling in her chest that made it impossible to feel comfortable. it was all so overwhelming, reducing her to a mess on the floor that was slowly withering away.
sometimes she would release the building emotions through something tranquil like meditating, letting her misery turn into a solitary leaf floating in the wind. other times it would come crashing out, a tidal wave that destroyed everything in it's path. there were days where she would wake up to find that she had unconsciously destroyed her house during an episode. at least cleaning the mess up gave her something to distract herself with.
one of the most frustrating parts was that there were points where she was truly getting better. it had started when her friend group had added a sixth member and they became as close as friends could be, and slowly but surely she was overcoming her depression.
good things don't last, especially not things that are good in the long run.
time and time again, fluttershy would fall back into the same pits that she had spent years crawling out of. it felt like a cosmic game was being played with her life, and the powers that be were taking great pleasure in her pain. she only moved backwards, it felt like.
her friends were always there to pick her up, though. they had been constantly supporting her, but were they really helping her? in short bursts, yes, but their solutions were always temporary at best. the pills had stopped working forever ago, and she only went to therapy for a year before giving up on it. they gave emotional support as well, but did she deserve it? did she deserve anything?
of course, she knew the answer to that.
as the days went on, becoming nothing more than disordered fragments in her mind, she began to lose hope in herself. everytime she would hurt someone she loved it would wear her down just a little bit more until there was nothing left. she was a husk of a pony, barely scraping by.
there was a constant buzzing in her ear, a constant knot tied around her lungs. it would become harder to breathe, but whenever that sweet release was just around the corner she would be filled with air once more. then it would repeat.
some days she felt nothing. not like she was trapped in a white void, floating in an empty space that went on infinitely, but a complete lack of feelings, physical or emotional. she was like a ghost, forever doomed to traverse this planet without ever truly being there.
it wasn't always bad, though. there were good things in fluttershy's life, definitely. she had the most amazing friends possible, even if she sometimes doubted how much they truly cared for her. it wasn't always smooth sailings, but her group of friends was better than her wildest dreams.
the best days of her life were the ones where she could just relax with her friends and relish in the fact that she was wanted. she could forget about the world for a few hours and surround herself with the people she loved. those were the days where she was happy to be alive.
rainbow dash had been her best friend for so long. the two had been close since they were fillies, and they had been inseperable for years afterwards. rainbow had helped her come out of her shell, helped her grow so much, and fluttershy loved her for that.
rarity was the most empathetic person she knew. she would always be the first person to check up on her, the first person to reach out if the pegasus needed somepony to help her, and fluttershy loved her for that.
pinkie pie always knew how to put a smile on her face. whenever she was down, which happened quite a bit, pinkie was there to try and cheer her up, and even if it didn't work everytime, fluttershy loved her for that.
applejack made her strive to be better. made her strive to be stronger, more assertive, more honest to herself. she was always someone she could depend on when she needed advice, and fluttershy loved her for that.
twilight had brought so much change in her life, destroying the previous monotony of her day to day. the princess had taught her just how important friendship was and how much it could truly help her, and fluttershy loved her for that.
discord showed her just how much people could grow if they really wanted to. he had become such a wonderful person after so long of hurting others. he cared for her more than anything in the world, even creating chaos, and fluttershy loved him for that.
there were other people that she loved too. her family, spike, starlight, the princesses, her students, her animals, everybody she had become close to over all the years she had been alive.
but she didn't love herself, so did it really matter?
no, it didn't.
it didn't matter, because the bad outweighed the good. the days where she was disgusted with her body, willing to tear off her fur just to feel the pain she deserved to feel, outweighed the days where she felt content. the days where she thought about ending it all outweighed the days where she thought about the light at the end of the tunnel.
if there ever was a light, it had gone out years ago.
was she ever really happy to begin with? there was a clear cut difference between happiness and nothingness, and the former got further from reach with each passing day. maybe she was a joyful kid, but her foalhood was nothing but quick flashes and horrific affairs in her memories, the rest of it torn clean from her mind.
there were only some positive snapshots that bounced around in her muddled head, otherwise only showing her the most painful moments the majority of the time. it was so stupid, to cling onto shitty things from twenty years prior. she always thought she had gotten over everything that happened in her past, but as soon as one event left her head, another returned, forcing her to relive the worst of her life time and time again.
fluttershy was tired. she was so fucking tired. any trace of motivation her bled out along with whatever other hope she may have once had. there was nothing left to look forward to in the torturous cycle her life had become. she just wanted to lay down and fade away, turning to filth that would be swept away by the breeze. the same feelings kept beating her down every day until she had finally decided that she was done. done giving herself second chances, done trying to make things better, just done with the world.
she had decided that just a few days earlier. in preparation, she had given her animals away to the sweet feather sanctuary, hiring a few extra hooves to take care of the influx. tearful goodbyes were given, but none hit as hard as angel. even if he wasn't always the nicest, he truly did care for her, and she cared deeply for him as well. she almost didn't let him leave, but she'd rather have spared him from seeing what she was going to do.
she told her friends that she was going to visit her family, and naturally a going away party was thrown for her. it was the typical pinkie pie party, overblown with confetti and trays upon trays of food, loud music splitting fluttershy's head straight down the middle.
she stood against a wall, nursing an empty cup in her hooves as she tried her hardest to shrink away into nothing.
"fluttershy, are you alright?" somepony asked. she didn't care who.
"i'm f— fine. just a bit tired," came the automated reply. she had repeated those words more times than she had smiled, she bet.
"are you sure?"
"yes."
"well, if you say so. i hope you feel better soon."
the pony walked off, leaving fluttershy in solitude. of course, the last time anyone had the chance to throw her a lifebuoy, to save her from the ocean that was devouring her, they didn't. maybe if they'd reached out, she could've grabbed onto their hoof and gotten the help she so desperately needed.
the tears came before she realized it. she hadn't felt the burning in her eyes, or noticed her vision getting blurry. only when the first tear drop landed in the plastic cup did she grasp what was happening.
another voice spoke, hushed by the ringing that was now running through her ears. the music was muffled now as well. everything seemed to darken, the flashing multi-colored lights gone to reveal the drabness of the room.
"are y'alright? you're... you're cryin'."
"i'm fine." she didn't even have to think before she spoke, the words coming out like second nature.
"you don't look fine," came a third voice.
"i— i said i'm fine." she grinded her teeth together, trying as hard as she could to calm down before she blew up at her friends. they were just trying to help, even if by this point it was futile. "i think i just..." a shuddered sigh. sagged shoulders. drooped ears. "...need s— some—" whimpering, pitiful whimpering that made her sound like a damaged foal lost in the rain. "some time alone."
"whatever you need."
"talk to us, alright? we're always—"
"—here for me. i kn— know. thank you. and— and i'm sorry. for..." she wiped her eyes and sniffled. "all of this."
"don't worry about it, fluttershy. get some rest, alright?"
"alright. i'll see you girls t— tomorrow."
after the goodbyes were exchanged, she left. that was the last time she was ever going to interact with any of her friends, or anybody for that matter. apologizing for fucking up once again, ruining everyone's fun just like always. it was fitting, really.
when fluttershy awoke the next morning, she only just found the strength to get out of her bed. she knew that if she didn't, she would fail to do what she had been wanting to do for so long.
as she walked, her limbs ached. it felt like there were chains tied around each and every one, pulling her further down the more she moved. she gazed at her body, the lack of skin on her, the way her ribs stuck out and were visible from the outside, the sickly sticks she called her legs. she was disgusting.
she didn't dare look at her face through any of the reflective surfaces. she hadn't had the willpower to look in a mirror for longer than an instant in months.
she retrieved everything she needed and entered the living room, setting the items on the table. a glass of water, and a bottle of her antidepressants. the pills were as white as the afterlife that was soon to greet her, she grimly noted.
she unscrewed the lid of the bottle and tossed it aside, before throwing the bottle back, the pills pouring into her mouth. the bitter taste hit her instantly, and she used all of her remaining strength to not throw up. it felt like there was acid running down her throat, dissolving her skin from inside. she downed the water to the best of her abilities to try and ease the pain.
sweat began to pour down her face, the heat in her body feeling like a fire that had been set inside her. she tried to wipe away some of the perspiration, but her foreleg only moved a few feet before falling numb, shaking spastically in her lap. she bit the inside of her cheek as the acrid taste of the pills returned in full force.
her breathing started out slow and labored, but as her heart began to drum faster and faster in her chest, her breaths became shallow. unease set in as she glanced around, the objects of her house blurring together into one shapeless form. edges became undefined and all color drained away, only a lifeless grey left.
as fluttershy stared, something begin to clear out in the fog. five shapes appeared in the distance, each a different color. she tried to reach out to them, but her body was too overcome with tremors to move. the shapes, the only source of chromaticity, stood unmoving.
bile ran down her chin and onto her stomach, combined with lumps of crushed up pills to create the smell of rotting flesh.
a bright white light appeared in the corner of the room. her eyes fixated on it as all sounds began to escape her, nothing but ear-piercing silence resonating. the light began to come closer, overtaking the room like it was a book closing in on itself.
she couldn't tell if she was breathing anymore. the shaking of her body had subsided as she fixated on the light coming ever nearer. it swallowed up each object in her field of view, dissolving them into flashing rays.
she stared into the void. the void stared back.
the shapes disappeared one by one, fading into nothingness. when the last one vanished, the light welcomed her, outstretching a hoof for her to take. fluttershy reached out and grabbed it.
then all was white.
rarity marched with purpose. the party the night previous had been a disaster, and something was wrong with fluttershy.
sure, the pegasus had her fair share of emotional outbursts, but she had never acted like that. it was clear that things weren't going well for her. whenever she was upset, she was always willing to accept the help her friends gave her, or at least willing to talk about her problems.
it had to be something serious.
when rarity arrived at the cottage, she immediately noticed the lack of animals outside. it was completely desolate, nothing but chunks of splintered bird houses laying in the grass to remind that there was once activity there.
that was a giant warning sign. there were always birds flittering around, or bunnies hopping about, or something. she glanced up at the cottage. cobwebs hung from every surface, though no spiders rested on them. the leaves on the roof had dulled from a vivid mix of lime and emerald to a pale, sickly green that looked more grey than anything else. most of the leaves sitting there were dead.
a shiver passed through rarity as she took an apprehensive step forward. this was easily the worst state that she had seen the home in. there was always less care put to it whenever fluttershy was doing particularly bad mentally, but it had never gotten this unruly.
she was used to comforting fluttershy, of course. her shoulder was one that the pegasus could always cry on, no matter how severe the situation. but there was an odd feeling in her chest, one that permeated the closer she got to the door.
half of her was saying to walk away, to turn around and leave her worries behind. she was just jumping to conclusions, assuming the worst without any solid evidence. fluttershy had probably left to go visit her family in cloudsdale already.
but she had said she was only leaving in the afternoon. it was still morning.
the trepidation returned, hitting rarity harder this time. she had to act now. her hoof lifted and she knocked on the door.
no response.
undeterred, she knocked again.
nothing.
"fluttershy?" three more knocks, louder and quicker this time.
she could hear her own heartbeat.
"are you home?" she asked between two sets of knocks.
if she was, she wasn't making it known.
the two options presented themselves again; leave with the assumption that fluttershy was already gone, or continue trying to reach her if she wasn't.
the images that were conjured up in her mind made her lean towards the latter very quickly.
"i think it would be nice if you answered. i really want to talk to you." more knocking, slightly slower now.
silence was the only response she recieved.
"fluttershy.."
one knock.
"i-"
her hoof slipped, causing her to fall forward into the door. it slowly swung open, revealing the scene inside.
the smell of vomit permeated through the stifling air. an unconscious fluttershy lay in a puddle of it, her mouth opening and closing erratically as she babbled nonsense. her chest was barely rising and falling, long seconds passing between each breath. whenever she exhaled, a choked sound escaped her, like she was unable to properly to do it properly.
rarity screamed.
panic set in as she rushed over to the limp fluttershy. she grabbed the pegasus and did her best to pick her up. after a few false starts, she hauled fluttershy up onto her back. her breaths came out quick and shallow as her mind was filled with a million different terrifying thoughts.
"alright... alright..." rarity muttered to herself, trying as hard as she could to stop the hammering in her chest. "everything is going to be ok. i just have to—" a hacking cough from behind her rang out. "—get to the hospital!" she galloped out the door as fast as her hooves could take her.
then all was white.
Fluttershy's mind always went back to that day. It always found its way back there, even if she couldn't remember what had happened 10 minutes earlier in the present day.
After every fight, every hurtful word and shed tear, she saw the expression Rarity held in the hospital. Concern, relief, sadness, fear. All melded together into one face that was permanently etched into her mind.
She owed everything to Rarity. She wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for the unicorn. That fact terrified her to the core.
Fluttershy could never repay Rarity for what she'd done, but she could try. The pain just came with the promise she had made so long ago.
"I'll love you forever. No matter what."
She repeated those words before swallowing a pill, followed by a gulp of water to wash it down.
"but at some point, you come to your senses"
Coco Pommel took a bite out of her sugary cinnamon bun, the sickly-sweet icing dancing on her tongue as she ate. She sipped on a glass of water afterwards to try and wash out the overpowering taste. Whenever she came to Ponyville she always forgot just how sweet everything tasted, especially at Sugarcube Corner. It was like everything was coated in sunshine and lollipops.
She glanced up to Rarity as she opened her mouth to speak, hoping to save the lulled conversation. What she was greeted with made her shut her mouth, though it didn't surprise her.
Rarity was doing exactly what she had been doing since she had got her drink; mixing the honey in her tea with a levitated spoon, spinning it around and around. She'd been doing this for the past five minutes, with her eyes firmly set on the cup in front of her. Her gaze was a million miles away, though, unfocused and unblinking.
By now, Coco guessed, there was no more honey left in the tea. It had probably all been dissolved minutes ago.
"Um, Rarity?"
The rhythmic clinking of the spoon hitting the sides of the cup stopped.
"Yes?" Rarity asked simply, her stare still set downwards.
"Do you want to talk about how the store in Manehattan is doing?"
"Sure, darling." Rarity's voice was absent, her mind somewhere else entirely.
"Well, business has been going well. We have a steady amount of regulars now, and dresses fly off the shelves pretty quickly. I feel like this next season is gonna be really big for us. We could make a really big splash in the industry, I think."
The only response she got was the resumed clinking of the spoon hitting the cup and the chatter of the patrons around her.
"Did you... get any of that?"
An inhalation, followed by a shakier exhalation.
"Rarity!"
Rarity's head popped up, and cyan eyes met blue ones for the first time in their conversation.
"Are you alright? You seem a little... distracted."
"Yes, I'm fine. Just, ah, thinking, as one is to do."
"If I were to guess, and I don't mean to imply anything, is it about Fluttershy?"
Rarity frowned.
"I just," she began, but she trailed off before she could finish the thought. A pause prefaced her next attempt. "Things aren't at their, ahem, strongest right now. But we've been through worse. Our relationship will only come out stronger than before."
A sigh left Coco's lips. "I feel like I've heard you say that every time we've talked recently. At what point is it, how do I say this nicely, too much?"
"What do you mean?"
"This has been going on for awhile. You have to give at some point, right? I know I wouldn't be able to keep going in a relationship like that." She took a sip of her water. Her eyes widened in alarm when she realized what she had just said. "No offense, of course. You're a stronger pony than I am, and—"
"It's alright. I know what you're trying to say. But Fluttershy and I have been through so much together. We're not like other couples. We can get past arguments."
"But when they happen so often, it makes you think, y'know?" Coco let the rhetorical question hang in the air as she took a bite out of her cinnamon bun. "Look. I'm your friend, Rarity. I only want what's best for you. And..." She tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out. A lump had formed in her throat, making it impossible to do anything but sit there and think until she was able to speak again.
The look on Rarity's face whenever she gushed about the good times was so warm. The twinkle in her eyes shone brightly, gleaming like it was filled with bright stars. Her smile couldn't be replaced when she mentioned a date, or something the two had done together, or just her in general. It was the happiest Coco had ever seen her. Nobody could fake that kind of admiration.
But when things were bad, they were bad. Her entire body language would become downcast. Her shoulders would slump, her hooves would drag when she walked, her mane would even sometimes become unkempt. That was a telltale sign that things were not going good. She would speak less the more that things were weighing on her. A tired air hung around her, accentuated by her dull eyes, the spark in them extinguished by whatever exchanges had been made the night previous.
The latter happened more often than the former. Coco had had to comfort Rarity during a visit after a particularly nasty fight many times. It seemed like every visit devolved into that. More about the relationship than the dresses, the reason why she traveled here.
Maybe now was the time to take a stand.
"I don't think that you and Fluttershy are good for each other."
Each word was a consecutive gut punch to Rarity. Phantom pain coursed through her as her brain was swarmed with thoughts she never wanted to have. Her head throbbed as her mind began to run on overdrive, a million different visions and memories playing all at once to create a ruined film, its strip deteriorating rapidly.
Her heart pounded in her chest like a woodpecker drilling into a decaying tree, a swift rhythm that caused her torso to tighten. She pursed her lips as each heartbeat caused a pulsating feeling in her torso, every one more painful than the last.
"What?"
"I mean," Coco began, "based on the things you've told me-"
Rarity suddenly got to her hooves, her forelegs hitting into the underside of the table as she stood. She bit her lip to suppress a pained whimper. "I'm so sorry, Coco, but I have to return some-" She shook the cobwebs out of her head and tried again. "I mean, I have a very important order to work on that completely slipped my mind."
"But what about—"
Rarity turned abruptly, knocking into the table again. Her cup spilled, sending tiny beads of green tea flying through the air. Some drops landed on her coat, the hot liquid seeping into her skin. She ignored the burning sensation it brought her.
"I truly am sorry, but I really have to go now. Do tell the others that I'm proud of their hard work, alright?"
Coco nodded, the frown on her face hidden behind her glass of water.
"Have a good day, Coco."
She galloped out of Sugarcube Corner before she could get a proper response. Her hooves blurred as they hit the ground. Her breaths came out erratic and uneven.
She wanted to be anywhere but there, in the shop, listening to somebody who didn't know a thing about her relationship try to tell her what to do in it. She didn't need any advice. Everything was fine.
It had begun raining at some point between Rarity entering and leaving Sugarcube Corner. The sky had faded from a lively yellow to a dismal grey in a matter of minutes, mist hanging in the air as the rain pitter-pattered against the ground. The raindrops came down somewhere between a drizzle and a downpour, enough to make the ground wet but not enough to make a pony shiver from the cold.
Rarity shivered regardless.
She entered the boutique — when had she gotten there? — and immediately made her way to the material shelf, her magic already holding a mess of fabrics in its telekinetic grasp. She had to do something to get her mind off this, off whatever feeling she was experiencing at the moment. What it was, she couldn't name.
Her magic weaved together the outline of a dress out of nothing but silk rolls, her mind pouring out a vision on the spot as she focused all of her attention on creating. The pattern was.. something was off about it.
Rarity frowned, tossing the dress aside.
She grabbed another set of rolls and began anew, the previous attempt forgotten as her expert craft was put to use.
This one looked even worse. She couldn't place her hoof on why, but she could tell that it wasn't right.
The third attempt wasn't any better, nor was the fourth. After the fifth she became upset, her teeth biting down hard onto her bottom lip as she binned another dress. Her hoof came against the floor, her anger having built up to a point that she felt she needed to release it. But doing that wouldn't do any good. She could destroy the entire boutique if she wanted, but she didn't. It would solve nothing.
What she needed was to be with Fluttershy.
One of them had said the wrong thing, something that hit too close to home. It always came to this, no matter what.
It was a thought that hadn't been intended to be verbalized, spoken a decibel too loudly. As soon as the words were uttered, the rock fell further down the mountain, crushing the poor soul who was vainly trying to push it up.
Fluttershy let out a whimper.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you," Rarity cooed, trying desperately to salvage the situation.
"bad that's …That's. job a as most —m you need I when me comforting —c see shouldn't you but, unpredictable —un bit a be can I know I —I"
Rarity shook her head slightly. "I..."
"...stupid so sound I, gosh ...and there be to you on rely —re always could I wish I And. this like are things when —wh, hard It's"
Rarity remained silent.
"...and …and me help actually will Who. it mean truly and okay —o be will everything me tell to able be to someone —some need I. me for there be really to someone need I —I"
Rarity placed her hooves on top of Fluttershy's and tried her hardest to smile. She wasn't sure how convincing it was.
"I'm sorry. I love you, Fluttershy. I swear that I will be better. For you. For us."
That was a promise she knew she wasn't going to be able to keep for very long. None of hers ever lasted.
Fluttershy looked like she was about to say something, but the words seemingly died on her tongue before she spoke. A bittersweet smile graced her as she sighed a calm sigh. "I love you too." Fluttershy sniffled. "⸮alright that is, bath a —a take go gonna I'm" She stood up before getting an answer. Her eyes begged for the response to be in the negative. Something, anything that would tell her that-
Rarity nodded absently, watching as Fluttershy slowly walked away, soft sniffles echoing in the hallway. Her mind was racing with a million and zero thoughts at the same time. It felt like everything was crashing around her while floating away up and out of her reach. Her head hit the pillow beneath her, and her eyes transfixed on the ceiling as the white noise in her head continued steadily growing.
Little stars, barely visible against the harsh greys of the room, appeared in front of her. One of them stood out to her, with the way it glowed ever so slightly brighter than the rest. It was like it was calling out to her. She tried to grasp it, to hold the star in her hoof so that it would light up her life.
Disintegrated, turned to specks of yellow hydrogen that flittered down and landed on her sunken bed.
It hadn't occurred to her that time was still passing until Fluttershy returned however many minutes later, her coat and eyes slightly damp and her mane wrapped in a towel.
"I feel a... a little bit better."
Rarity looked over.
Fluttershy's eyes were bloodshot, a bit puffy as well. The wind was knocked out of Rarity's chest as she noticed.
"Would you mind if we just, um, laid down t— together?" Fluttershy meekly asked. "I think that would be nice right now."
"...Sure." Rarity beckoned her over, and soon their bodies were pressed together, nary a few inches separating them.
As Rarity felt the yellow fur brush against her own, smelled the earthy scent of Fluttershy's mane, watched as a contended smile battled against a frown to take hold of the pegasi's face, she swore there was a tug at her heartstrings. She didn't feel comfortable holding her marefriend anymore. It just felt like routine, something she did out of necessity. There was no warmth. The air was frigid from the rain that poured just outside the window, and their closeness did nothing to alleviate the chill.
Her frown mirrored Fluttershy's, whatever words she could have come up with escaping her.
Author's Note
i don't know what's harder, letting go or just being ok with it
"maybe it's just a dream that i can't seem to wake up from, my love's gone, my love's gone"
Fluttershy's gaze lay on a dead flower that sat precariously on the edge of a dresser.
The plant had decayed to the point of being unrecognizabe; all color had been seeped from malnourishment, now only a sickly greenish-grey remaining. The petals had wilted until they hung over the side of the purple pot. They had withered so much that only a few dark patches remained, the rest having fallen to the floor.
Fluttershy couldn't remember the last time Rarity had watered that flower. She couldn't even remember what kind it was.
But she did know that it had been a gift from her to Rarity, for their six month anniversary.
When she turned her head over, she noticed that the space between them on the bed had grown larger.
At this point she couldn't even bring herself to sigh.
Somehow, as if she could sense the tension, Rarity rolled over and began to stroke Fluttershy's hair.
Fluttershy wasn't comforted by this. If anything, it made her feel worse.
That's how she knew something was wrong.
Her eyes widened as she spoke, "Rarity, can we... talk?"
The hoof that had been running through Fluttershy's hair froze in place.
"Whatever about, darling?" Rarity tried her best to keep her voice level, hoping against hope that no cracks betrayed her anxiousness.
As Fluttershy turned over, her muzzle bumped against Rarity's. Neither reacted to the touch.
"I— I just feel like a lot of things have gone, um, una— unaddressed. And I need to talk about this before it— before it gets worse."
Silence, nary a noise outside of the heavy rain hitting the window.
"...I'm not happy anymore, Rarity."
"What? Do you mean in general, or with..." A light tremor entered Rarity's voice. "With me?"
Fluttershy sighed, appearing to deflate as she moved away from Rarity the slightest bit. "With you." The words came out almost inaudible, nothing above a pained whisper.
The raindrops got louder, smashing against the window like a violent thunderstorm. The dull thud it created pounded in Rarity's head as she simply asked, "Why?" in a voice that was nearly as quiet as Fluttershy's.
"I don't... I don't feel good around y— you anymore. All we do is argue, then pretend like it never happened. But it— it did, and we can't keep ignoring it."
"That's not all we do, I'd say."
"That isn't important here. What is important is h- how it makes me feel, and I just... I feel so awful after every fight. It happens so often that— that I, I ask myself..." A pause. "Is it worth it?"
"What?
"I've asked myself that a lot. At first I thought, oh, that doesn't make any sense. Of— of course it's worth it. This is just a rough patch that we'll get through, cause this is— this is commonplace in relationships, right? But over time it got h— harder and harder to believe that."
Silence once more.
"Things kept getting worse and I— I just stayed quiet, because I was waiting. Waiting for things to get better, because I knew that you could be better than this, Rarity. I— I didn't like seeing you become this, this twisted distortion of yourself. I thought the possession and the anger would- would pass.. but they didn't."
Fluttershy sighed. "When was the last time either of us hung out with the girls?"
"I, um..." Rarity racked her brain, but came up with nothing. "I can't quite recall."
"I haven't seen any of them in— in months. We just kind of blocked out the world around us. That's not- that's not healthy. There has to be more to us than each other. I think that added onto everything else. Just another in the mounting problem of problems we had.
"I— I held onto this version that I had of you in my head, this angel that saved me from myself. I let my love for you blind me, and that was unhealthy of me. I shouldn't have held you up to such high expectations, let that paint my— my view of you. I ignored your flaws because I felt like I owed you, for what— for what happened last year... and I let you do whatever you wanted to me because of it."
"Fluttershy, I'm... I'm so sorry."
"How do I— how do I know you mean it this time?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It feels like any apology between us comes from me trying to end an— an argument quickly or you trying to avoid conflict, despite you being the one to start it most of the time."
"I can't say I understand."
"You always promise me that— that you're going to change, but you never do. We keep running in circles with each other and I just... can't, anymore. I can't keep waiting for you to get better because all it's doing is making both of us worse."
Another sigh, this one more tired, defeated.
"I'm so tired, Rarity. I fought for us for so long because I— I wanted us to work out, so badly. But the longer we stay together, the worse we get. We're not.. we're not good for each other."
"I," Rarity began, but she quickly had to swallow down a lump that had formed in her throat. "I..."
Fluttershy stared into Rarity's eyes, misty cyan meeting dull blue for the first time in their conversation. The tears that had been threatening to spill began to do so as Rarity shifted her gaze away. They stung Fluttershy's cheeks as they slowly rolled down, the only thing providing warmth in the otherwise frigid bedroom.
"We bring out the worst in each other. It— it's a tough pill to swallow but it's true. I wish it wasn't the case, because I really do love you, but we can't change it. No matter how hard we try to fix things, it'll never work. We're like..." Her gaze returned to the dead plant. "A— A flower."
"A flower?"
"Yes. When we first got into a relationship, we— the flower bloomed so elegantly. It was beautiful, so bright and— and colorful. I... I miss those days." Fluttershy wiped at her eyes. "Then we started putting too much water onto it, and the— the flower started to drown. Neither of us noticed, we both just saw the same lovely flower as before.
"We kept pouring more and more water onto it, suffocating it further. All the— all the oxygen it once had was gone, left only to drown helplessly. Even then we didn't understand what was happening. We thought everything was— was okay.
"Even after the flower was long dead, wilted and decaying into the dirt, we kept watering it. The- the difference now is that I was doing it because I was trying to save it, to save what we once had." Her voice broke at this, becoming higher and more strained. "I clung so desperately to that blooming flower, that I didn't realize that all it was doing was killing it even further.
"And you just./. kept on watering it, not realizing that it was beyond saving. You thought everything was perfectly fine. But—but now, we both have to accept this. The longer we stay together, the worse things will get. I've fought for this for so long, but..." The dams broke loose, sobs held back finally escaping Fluttershy's throat. "I'm too tired to fight anymore."
Nothing was said after that, no noises heard besides the rain and the occasional sob from Fluttershy as she retreated into herself. The pegasus lay with her hocks up to her chest as she cried.
All of this was too much to process for Rarity. Whatever illusions of harmony she had were decimated, shattered into pieces of glass that would cut into her if she attempted to pick them up. It felt like the walls around her were closing in, getting closer and closer to crushing her as her world came crashing down around her.
This was the end. There was no turning back.
Rarity stood up and stumbled to the bathroom, her breaths coming out choppy and heavy. When she entered her eyes went to the mirror, and in the reflection she saw a shell of her former self. Gone was the radiance in her smile, the hope in her eyes. In their place was nothing but dejectedness.
"Get a hold of yourself," she whispered to the reflection. "Everything is..." She slumped down, putting her hooves in her head. "I can't keep lying to myself." A sigh passed her lips, soon breaking into a sob. "What have I done?" she choked out. "What am I doing? Why did I... how could I... what do I..."
Rarity could feel the walls inches away from her, ready to crush her at any moment. Her breaths became rapid and her vision began to blur. "I can't do this," she whimpered. Eyes darted around the room, trying to find something to focus on in the whirlpool. "I can see..."
Curtains.
Soap.
Towels.
Sink.
A monster in the mirror.
"I can feel..."
Taps.
Carpet.
Stool.
The weight of everything crashing down on her.
"I can... oh, what did Fluttershy say was the next thing?"
She could hear crying in the room over.
"Oh my stars," she sighed, "I got so caught up with myself that I forgot about Fluttershy." She wiped her eyes and looked at her reflection one final time.
"You can't keep running away."
That was all she said before she returned to the bedroom and sat down.
Fluttershy had stopped crying, now merely sniffling as she watched the rain trickle down the window.
"Hey."
"...Hey, Rarity."
"I'm sorry for leaving, I just needed a moment to myself."
"It's okay, I— I think I needed some time alone myself."
"Oh..."
"I wish that we had talked about our problems more, or brought up any n— negative feelings we had. There's so many instances where I feel like things were left unsaid, or that the entire truth didn't come out. Like with... with Discord. Can we finally talk about him?"
"I guess if now is the time to confront things..." A pause. "Then yes, I was and might still be jealous of him. I just couldn't stand the thought of losing you, and it made me do drastic things. But I did them because of how much I care for you."
"Rarity..."
"I was scared, okay?! I was scared of losing the best thing that ever happened to me. I finally got the one thing I wanted in life, and I didn't want it taken away from me like everything else. I was scared of being hurt again. I don't think I could've handled it again."
"I guess that I'm the one who ended up hurt, then."
"I was trying to... I wanted nothing but the best for both of us. I'm sorry that things ended up going so wrong. I just did what I thought would help us in the end. But I can see now that it didn't."
Silence, again.
"Do you think that this was inevitable, Rarity?"
"What?"
"Do you think we were always going to end up like this, cr— crashing and burning in the end?"
"I... I don't know." A pause. "...Do you?"
"I think that, no matter what, we weren't meant to be together. It was never going to end well for us. I just wish it— that it wasn't this painful."
Fluttershy continued, "I thought that things were great, amazing even, for the longest time. I convinced myself that you were the best for me, purely because I couldn't handle the fact that you weren't.
"I kept holding onto how good things used to be because I loved you, and I wanted to believe you were perfect. I— I wouldn't let those days go and it blinded me to how much our relationship was crumbling. It was s— selfish of me, and I know now that it did nothing but harm. I just, I just wish that we could've been better. Maybe there's some world out there where we stayed happy together, and worked through our issues. I don't... I don't know if I want that to be the case for us.
"I'm always going to cherish the time we spent together, because when— when things were good they were some of the best moments of my life. But I— I can't keep waiting forever, Rarity. I still love you, I always will, but I think that we should stop seeing each other."
Silence fell over the room once more.
"i hate wasted potential, that shit... crushes your spirit, it really does, it crushes your soul"
The tears came before Rarity could stop them.
Her heart plummeted before she could stop it.
Her mouth moved before she could stop it.
"I think you're right."
Fluttershy's eyes widened a little. She had expected at least some resistance, but she was glad that things were ending on mutual terms.
"It's so hard to do this." Fluttershy rubbed at her eyes. "I want, so badly, to work through things with you. But it's just too much. I hope that you learn from this, and that being on your own can help you grow. I really do want to see you get better, but I don't think you can if we're dating."
Rarity wiped at her eyes. "Yeah," was all she could muster. Her head spun at speeds she didn't know were possible, the entire conversation passing her by. She hadn't been expecting a break up at all. She wanted to put the pieces of their relationship back together, not throw them away entirely.
Then, why did she agree to splitting up?
She didn't know the answer to that question. She didn't want to think about it in the moment.
Rarity forced herself to continue with, "I don't know how much you'll believe me right now but I am sorry for... for all of this."
"I don't know how long it will be before I can fully forgive you for everything."
"...Oh."
"I'm— I'm not sure if I'm mad at you, but there's too much that's happened between us for me to forgive you right away."
"I... I understand."
Fluttershy hesitated for a moment before going on. "I still care ab— about you too much to completely cut you out of my life. Can we stay friends?"
The question shook Rarity to her core, and she froze in place.
Could she remain friends with Fluttershy?
Or would it tear her apart inside to see the pony she had hurt so badly?
After everything they had been through, as friends and as lovers, could their relationship survive this?
"I... I don't know. I think I need time."
"Oh, that's alright." Fluttershy tried to smile for a moment, but it quickly faded away. "I just, um, wanted to— to say thank you. For all the good times we had."
"Thank you as well."
"Even if it hurt me a lot, I'm glad we dated. I'll always cherish the time we had together."
"...Right."
A final bout of silence.
"I think it would be best if— if I went," Fluttershy stated as she stood up. "I'll see... um, bye, Rarity. Take care."
"You too," Rarity said automatically as she watched Fluttershy walk out.
When she heard the faint click of the door closing downstairs, the empty feeling that had settled in her stomach was replaced with an overpowering tidal wave of emotion.
Everything came to the surface in one moment as Rarity was pulled beneath it.
She cried that night more than she had in her entire life.
Fluttershy did much the same.
got my eye
Author's Note
hi
"can't buy you the world, but my time is yours"
The sweet aroma of chamomile wafted through the air, mixing with the already present scent of wet grass and the smells coming from a wide array of animals. Droplets of rain lightly tapped against the window, making a quiet thumping noise every passing second. A low hum from the wind blowing outside could be heard as well.
Animals skittered around in the living room, some having found a small paper ball and deciding to make the most of it. An injured monkey was having his broken paw wrapped in bandaging in the kitchen, letting out tiny discontented grunts until it was finished.
"There, all better. Make sure you— make sure you don't use that paw too much, alright? You don't want your bandages to fall off again." Fluttershy cooed, trying to comfort the monkey.
The monkey stared back at her for a few unblinking seconds before chittering.
"No problem. Make sure to tell Angel if you need anything." She smiled and turned away, trotting to the living room. "Sorry a— about that, Rarity."
Rarity waved a hoof dismissively. "Not a problem, dear. Animals need your attention all the time after all."
Fluttershy picked her cup of tea off of the tray and lifted it to her lips, breathing in the warm scent. "I love the smell of tea on a rainy day. It's so relaxing." She took a sip, regretting it immediately as she scorched her tongue.
"Me too." Rarity noticed that Fluttershy looked uncomfortable and became concerned. "Are you alright, dear?"
Fluttershy nodded, her mouth burning too hot to speak. After a few moments she regained the ability to feel her tongue. "Burnt my tongue."
"Ah." Rarity smiled. "I always forget just how quaint this place is between visits," She remarked as she gazed around the cottage.
Everything had been well-worn over time after years of love. Every surface, from cushions and pillows to tables and walls, was covered in scratches and even a few bite marks. The colors of the wooden base had dimmed slightly, but all it did was add to the homely nature of the cottage.
There was a constant hum of noise, usually coming from the animals. No moment passed with deafening silence, which was nice. The animals who felt comfortable enough to go out in the open were a delight, always enjoying the attention they got. There were more apprehensive ones, but even they sometimes found comfort in socializing.
Rarity knew just about every animal in the cottage by name. That was probably a testament to somehing.
"Thank you. You— you did mean that as a compliment, right?" Fluttershy asked, smiling as she watched Rarity absentmindendly pet Angel. When he had appeared, she didn't know.
"Well of course. This place is homely, I'd say. Sometimes it's good to get out of the boutique and go somewhere more, uh, cozy." Rarity gently scratched behind Angel's ear.
"I know what you mean. It's nice to— it's good to get a change of scenery every once and a while."
Rarity took a short sip of her tea. A question formed in her mind, but it quickly died away in her throat when she attempted to ask it. How would she go about asking this without seeming like she was prying? It was a simple question, one that didn't need this much scrutinizing over it.
She steeled herself, silently praying that this didn't end in an argument.
"How were your past relationships, Fluttershy?"
Fluttershy blinked hard, her eyes widening when they opened again. She swallowed the tea in her mouth before giving Rarity a quizzical look. "What?"
Rarity was expecting this reaction, but she feigned confusion of her own. "You have had prior relationships, right?"
"I mean, y— yeah, but why are— why are you asking me that now?"
"I've just been thinking about it lately." A pause. "I guess my mind's been on one of my exes, and it got me wondering about yours."
Fluttershy's lips curled from a straight line to a frown. "Oh, um... do you want to talk about it?"
"There isn't really much to talk about. I thought we were in love, he cheated on me, we broke up." Rarity's voiced dropped to a mutter. "Just like most of them."
Fluttershy leaned over and placed a hoof on Rarity's arm. "That— that sounds awful. And— and you said 'most of them'?"
Rarity nodded.
"I'm sorry you went through that, Rarity." Fluttershy pulled her into a tight hug. "I— I hope you know that I'll never do that to you."
Rarity wanted to believe that. She truly did. She bit back her comment and instead pulled Fluttershy closer. "Thank you. I know you never would." She pulled away from the hug, resting her hooves on Fluttershy's arms to still keep her in her hold. "I just.. am I not enough for other ponies?"
The thought began repeating itself in her head. Was it true? Was that why ponies always left? Because she wasn't good enough for them? She felt her breath hitch in her throat at that. No, that couldn't be true. There was no way that it could be.
"You are enough. Never think otherwise." Fluttershy stared directly into Rarity's eyes to emphasize her point, her voice firm yet comforting. She placed a kiss on Rarity's muzzle, able to sense that the unicorn was becoming shaken up.
Rarity didn't respond for a few moments, her gaze drawn to the cushion under her. "..Thank you, dear. That means a lot to me." Her eyes met Fluttershy's once more. "I'm not as bad as—" She cut herself off before more words could tumble out. "I mean, it's not that bad. But sometimes I just wonder."
"I know what you mean. If— if you ever need somepony to talk to, please know that I'm here for you," Fluttershy reassured, a warm smile on her face. "Always."
"Same for you. This isn't a huge thing, so you don't have to worry about me." Rarity gently prodded Fluttershy's chest. "You still haven't answered my question."
Fluttershy averted her gaze, her expression darkening. "It's, um, complicated."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't really like t— talking about it."
"You don't have to if you don't want to, but I'd appreciate it if you did."
Fluttershy's eyes flickered to the forgotten teacups for a moment before she released her breath. The memories were flowing back quickly now, building up like the water in a dam that was on the verge of collapsing. "Alright. I— I guess I should start at the beginning.
"When I first moved to Ponyville, I didn't have any friends. All I had were my animals. One day, I was— I was out at the market, when this stallion approaches me. We hit it off immediately, cause he was a— a veterinarian. He was the first pony since Rainbow Dash to actively reach out to me.
"We started talking more after— after that. I found myself falling in love with him, and— and we started dating after awhile. Those first few months..." A blissful look crossed her face for a split second before her frown reappeared. "They were so amazing. It felt like my heart had been set on fire and the flames never once dwindled. We were so happy.
"Then things started to.. to change. One of his siblings passed away and— and he became a whole other pony. He started being distant, barely t— talking to me unless he had to. We would go weeks without talking sometimes. I just thought he needed space. But it got so much worse...
"After a bit he started getting angrier and angrier. He would yell at me until I started cr— crying, and he would keep going until I begged him to stop. I thought I was doing him a favor, letting him- letting him air out his frustrations. At times I thought I deserved it. I- I didn't even realize how bad it was until years later.
"One day, he hit me. It wasn't particularly hard, but— but it was enough to knock me to the ground. I will never forget the grin on his face as he saw the blood coming out of my nose. I— I think that was when he truly stopped caring about me. He realized how much p— power he had over me. He knew I wouldn't stop him, because— because I was too scared to do anything. All he wanted me for was to be able to throw me around whenever he wanted. And I still loved him."
Fluttershy didn't notice the tears brimming in her eyes, nor did she notice them rolling down her cheeks.
"He was th— the first pony besides Rainbow to show me any affection. I couldn't— I couldn't risk losing that. I needed somepony to care for me, even if he only did enough to keep me around. Eventually I tried to fight back, but he was so strong. That was the first time I— I got a broken wing.
"Things just kept... escalating. He became so bitter and spiteful. He would get more and m— more cruel, he hit me harder, and I kept losing hope. I be— I became a walking corpse. No emotions, nothing to show that I was still alive. I wanted to leave, so badly, but I felt— I felt tethered to him. I thought that I needed him.
"Sometimes, I— I thought that I deserved it. I'd been mistreated so much th— that I just grew to accept it. Had I done something to— to deserve this? I don't know. Maybe I did. Maybe that's what he wanted me to believe. He had broken my spirit s— so much that I thought he was doing this to help me. Sometimes I wished that was the truth.
"Rainbow was the one who— who saved me from him. She discovered what was happening when she moved h— here, and she, um, 'gave him what he deserved', in her wor— words. I never saw him again. He fled to th— the Crystal Empire, apparently."
Fluttershy let her story hang in the air, tears brimming in the corners of her eyes. This was all too much. She could feel everything all over again. The slaps to the face, the screaming in her ear, the feelings of worthlessness, the guilt-tripping, the isolation from the rest of the world—
The mare wrapping her arms around her, consoling her as the tears started coming down harder and faster.
She let out a gurgled sob as she buried her face into Rarity's shoulder. The hooves rubbing her back did little to soothe her, but they were appreciated nonetheless.
Fluttershy had thought she was over this. Why wasn't she? All of this had taken place almost a decade ago, yet all the mental scars that had seemingly healed had been ripped back open. In a way, talking about it again made her feel better about the whole situation. It made her realize how much she had grown, and how many creatures truly cared for her now. She wouldn't have to settle for an awful pony because they were all that she had. She felt good about that.
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that," Rarity whispered for the umpteenth time, wincing as Fluttershy's body heaved more. "Everything is okay now. I'm here."
Fluttershy whimpered, her grip on Rarity tightening even further. Her throat was starting to burn and she was beginning to feel lightheaded. She couldn't see a thing through her blurry eyes besides white dots, but that was all she needed to comfort her.
Her head slowly lifted, her tear stained muzzle bumping against Rarity's as she moved. "Can y— you pr— promise me something?" Her voice was watery, quivering enough to make her barely comprehensible.
"Of course, Fluttershy. Anything."
"Promise me you'll n— never hurt me."
"I promise."
The couple remained in the same spot, Fluttershy letting out every tear until she had run out of them. Her eyes had become red and puffy. She was out of breath, barely able to focus on anything. It was utterly exhausting, but it was worth it to get all her emotions out.
She didn't know how much time had passed, but the world outside had become a dark blue, highlighted with white dots and the bright moon shining down from the sky. The sight made her smile imperceptibly. She felt the most comfortable she had in so long, holding Rarity close as the stars twinkled in the distance.
Author's Note
exactly what you run from, you end up chasing. like, you can’t avoid, but just chasing it and just like trying. giving it everything that you can. there’s always an obstacle.
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I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE / ARE WE STILL FRIENDS?
"but this just might be better for us, you know?"
It couldn't have been her.
She was supposed to be holed up in her cottage, wasn't she? That's why Rarity had gone out to the market later than usual. She did her absolute best to make sure they didn't run into eachother.
But there she was, hiding her face behind her hair and barely stammering out a greeting. It reminded Rarity of their first meeting.
It felt like a hole had formed in her chest.
"Hello, Fluttershy."
"...It— it's been awhile."
"It has." Rarity swallowed, but her throat was no less dry. "How have you been?"
"I've, um, been okay."
Rarity barely mustered a smile. "That's good, that's good."
The two fell silent, and Rarity felt like she was going to suffocate.
"It's good to see you again," she finally said.
"Yeah..." Fluttershy muttered.
Rarity could feel the hole in her chest growing larger with each passing second.
"I'm—I'm gonna go now," Fluttershy said, her eyes pointed firmly to the ground.
"Oh. Oh— alright."
Fluttershy turned around and walked away. She didn't notice Rarity watching her walk away, or the tears that formed in her eyes in only a few moments.
Rarity didn't buy anything at the market that day.
"are we still friends? can we be friends?"
"Shy?"
Fluttershy snapped out of her daze, rapidly turning her head to face Rainbow Dash.
"Yes?"
"You zoned out there. You were watching Rarity dance and you had that look in your eye."
"The... look?"
"You know what I mean. Anyway, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"Rainbow, I- I think you have more important things to worry about today."
"I know, but I'm not gonna start ignoring my friends just because I'm getting married."
Fluttershy playfully rolled her eyes.
"Look," Rainbow continued, "I know this is eating you up inside, and the longer you sit here staring at her the more it's gonna hurt. So you should just go talk to her!"
Fluttershy made to protest, but Rainbow cut her off.
"You can't keep running away from her forever, Shy. Someday you're gonna have to talk again, and today's as good a day as any."
"...Fine." Fluttershy looked out to the crowd but could no longer see Rarity.
"I think she went out into the fields. Probably, uh, that way?" Rainbow pointed left.
"Ok, thanks Dash. Now get back to your wedding."
"I will! See you later."
Fluttershy nodded and walked off.
Rarity took a seat under a large tree and let out a deep sigh.
She looked up at the leaves, observing the way they faded from green to orange. As her mind went to dress designs that took cues from autumn leaves, she began to hear hoofsteps approaching.
Fluttershy sat down next to her.
"Hey, Rarity."
Rarity looked over and blanched. "Oh, um, hey, Fluttershy."
Fluttershy had an air of calmness around her that Rarity hadn't sensed in months.
"Needed a break from the reception?" the pegasus asked.
Rarity took a breath before answering to calm her nerves.
"Yes and no. I mostly just wanted some time to relax. I've been positively swamped in work because of the wedding."
"You did— you did both of the suits, right?"
Rarity nodded. Being able to talk about things like this helped put her mind at ease. "Applejack's was no problem, but I didn't expect Rainbow to be so invested in hers! She wanted every little detail of it to be perfect."
"I— I think you did a great job on them."
"Thank you."
They sat in silence before Rarity perked up.
"Oh, excuse me for being rude. What have you been up to?"
"Not much, but I'm doing a lot better now. I spent a lot of time with Tree Hugger and it helped."
"Oh, that's nice. How has she been? We haven't spoken in forever."
"She— she's started writing poetry."
"Really?"
"Yeah, we write together now. It's fun."
"You write too?"
"I was— I was always too scared to show other ponies. Maybe I'll show you them sometime."
"I'd be happy to read them. I'm glad you're doing good on your own."
Fluttershy hesitated for a second before asking, "Rarity?"
"Yes?"
"Do you think... do you think we could be friends again?"
The two fell silent, but the silence was comfortable. Rarity didn't feel a sinking feeling in her chest as she thought.
"I would like that a lot. But I don't know if we're fully ready to go back to the way things were. You get what I mean, right?"
"Yeah. We should probably take things slow."
"Maybe we could, hm..." Rarity trailed off.
"We could do something with the girls? We— We haven't done anything together in awhile."
Rarity smiled. Fluttershy smiled back.
"That sounds like a lovely idea."
Applejack passed a mug of cider to Rarity. "So, how are things with Fluttershy?"
Rarity took a sip of the cider and smiled.
"They're good, I think. We talked for a little while earlier, and we agreed to be friends again."
"Well that's great, Rares!" Applejack grinned. When Rarity didn't reply, her grin faltered. "There's a 'but', ain't there."
"Yes," Rarity sighed. "Things aren't the same as they were before we started dating. They never will be, I know that. I guess there's just a part of me that misses that."
"I think the best advice I could give you is to stop focusin' so much on the past. You're only gonna stay hurt when you're caught up on how things were. You gotta look to what the future holds, and the new memories you can make with Fluttershy."
"I... I guess you're right. It's just... things are always gonna be different between us. What if she isn't as happy as she used to be? What if things get really bad again? What if I hurt her again? What if—"
"How do you know any of that's gonna happen?"
"I./. I guess I don't. I'm just worried. She's the one who said she wanted to be friends again, but..."
"Well there ya go! She wants this just as much as you do. You just gotta take things slow."
"She said the same thing to me. Actually, after that she said she wanted to do a get-together with the girls."
"Really? That sounds like a great idea."
"When are you free?"
"Well, Rainbow and I are goin' on our honeymoon, but after that..."
Rarity looked across the field to see Fluttershy and Rainbow talking together.
She smiled, and when Fluttershy looked over, she did too.
Author's Note
this ending is a little rushed, but i wanted to get some kind of conclusion out before i completely lost interest in writing this
