A Banan Pone

by The Psychopath

Rating: everyone
Tags: Applejack, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3054

A small wooden stall pops up in Ponyville out of nowhere. Its owner sells bananas. Only bananas. Bananas are love. Bananas are life. Everything is better with bananas.

One day, a stall opens up in Ponyville. No pony knows where it came from. All they know is that it is staffed by a single salmon-colored stallion with a fluffy, curly brown mane and a big smile for all his potential customers and friends.

He sells bananas and banana paraphernalia.

He only says 'banana'.

He likes bananas.

Not apples though. They're stinky and smelly.

Made for a sapient banan from askbananapie.
Also has an account here

Published 2022-01-30 22:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2022-01-30 22:40:02 UTC

This Banana For You

Quilted Towel stepped outside of his home. It was still very early in the morning. The sun had barely started to illuminate the horizon, leaving the sky a dark shade of purple that engulfed the stars. The stallion shivered. The cold of the winter morning had yet to dissipate, and frost was still covering the grass lining the streets of Ponyville. Foggy breath escaped the stallion's mouth and nostrils while he breathed in the freezing air and looked around. His miniature garden was still green in its long, wooden basin to his right. The leaves of the bushes had frozen over, but a gentle swab of his hoof pulled off what he was afraid was ice. The stallion heaved a sigh of relief and looked ar--

"Wh-GAH!"

Startled, he had flown backwards into his plants. Legs flailed about, taking leaves and small dead branches with them until the pony managed to pull himself out of the basin and roll onto the floor. He grunted and rubbed his head, slowly turning around towards the culprit. There was a simple wooden stall installed right in front of his home and store. He couldn't see what was written on the semi-ajar wooden plank hanging on two sticks of wood, but the stallion could at least see the stall owner. They were an earth pony with a salmon-colored coat and a brown, curly, and puffy mane and tail. They looked familiar. This pony's cutie mark was a banana. That was it. Perplexed, the stallion walked in front of the stall while the other inhabitants of Ponyville got out of their homes to see what the noise was.

The sign of the stall had 'banana' crudely written on it with yellow paint that had dripped down the material and stained the counter. On the counter was nothing but the crossed forehooves of its owner waiting patiently for potential clients.

"Hey!" Quilted shouted. "You can't install this...stall here!" he shouted angrily as he slammed his hooves onto the counter. the wood creaked in protest. "It's in front of my house! The marketplace is over there!" Quilted pointed behind him.

The salmon-colored stallion looked at him with a smile. "Banana?"

Quilted was taken aback. "Wh...No! I don't want a banana! I want you to leave!"

"Banana!" the stall owner insisted. He went underneath his stall and started rummaging around. He was quick to pull out a banana and extend it towards his 'customer'. "Banana."

"No. I don't want a banana!" Towel exclaimed angrily. "I want you--"

The stall owner pulled out a second banana. "Banana!" he said with a smile.

"Wh-di-gh! I'm going to see the mayor about this and have you forcibly moved away!" He paused and his eyes darted about. "As soon as the town hall opens..." he muttered in defeat. "But then you'll be moved away!"

While Quilted stomped away angrily, the stall owner leaned out and waved a foreleg at him while shouting 'banana!' again.

Banana Pie thought that this place seemed nice. He was glad he set his stall up here. It was a place that was woefully lacking in bananas. He took in a deep whiff of air and his muzzle curled. Apples. There was a whole bushel of them in this town. Apples were nasty. They leaked juices everywhere and the skin would get stuck in your teeth making it seem like you had paper in your mouth. Bananas were far better than that. You could just peel it then eat the contents, and it was delicious. The smushiness of a ripe banana would coat your mouth and be easy to pick out later, and bananas could be used in more things than apples! And they tasted better to boot! Especially curry pizza!

There were plenty of ponies around. Plenty to experience the joys of the banan. From the corner of his eyes, Banana Pie noticed an elderly mare walking around, visibly distressed. The stallion overheard belly rumbling and got to work almost instantly. He threw a banana at the mare's mane, lodging it in there whilst keeping on a serious expression. The pony hesitantly removed the fruit and, upon realizing what it was, gave the stallion a nervous smile then bolted away.

Banana Pie took in a deep breath. He was now ready to serve up banana and banana accessories to everypony in the town and make them happy with the best fruit ever.

Ponies watched the stall silently. There was just a smiling, salmon-colored stallion waiting patiently behind it as though he were expecting somepony to come by. One of the observers pulled out his pocket watch from his saddlebags. He glanced at the stall owner, perhaps expecting him to do something unexpected, then looked down to see that it had become eight o' clock a few seconds ago. Eyes nearly bulged from their heads. In under a second, the stall owner had set up all their produce. Where did everything come from? Where had he procured them? Who knows?

This was the time for the salmon-colored stallion to spread about the joys of banan in all its delicious, ice-cream enhancing glory.

As the day moved on, ponies started gradually approaching the stall and purchasing the wares the stallion had on hoof. When he was out of regular bananas he put out more exotic stocks. Blue bananas, pink bananas, bubbling red bananas. It was a strange display, something that didn't escape a certain mare's eyes.

Standing in front of Banana Pie's stall was an orange mare wearing a cowboy hat. She looked, intrigued, at the many versions of banana that the salmon earth pony had on display.

"Wow. Gotta say, ya got a lot of produce here." She took a closer look and narrowed her eyes. "Ah can see these bananas are the cream of the crop."

"Banana!" the stallion responded and gave her a huge grin in return.

This new mare raised a brow at the stall owner. "Ya look awful familiar. Have ah met you 'round here before?" she asked inquisitively. Banana Pie shrugged. "Well, normally we ain't s'posed to open our stalls here, but if ya got the right ta do so from the mayor herself then all's fine." She extended a hoof. "Here's ta some friendly competition."

The salmon-colored stallion extended his own hoof and shook the mare's. "Banana," he said firmly.

The mare chuckled. "Ya sure are a funny feller. Ah'm Applejack, by the way. What's yer name, newcomer?" The stallion pointed to a banana pie on his counter that still steamed as though freshly plucked from the oven. "...Banana Pie?" Applejack asked quizzically. Banana nodded, giving Applejack pause. "Y'ain't related ta Pinkie Pie perchance, are ya?" Banana frowned and shrugged. "Well, alrighty. Have a good day, ya hear?"

Applejack waved the stallion off after reconnecting to her wagon and pulling her own produce. The stallion imitated the gesture, then froze. There was something...in the air. He sniffed his hoof and his muzzle scrunched. Apples. Disgosting! Not enough juice, slippery, has skin that peels off and gets stuck in the mouth and between the teeth. Not to mention they get really gross when they rot or get damaged. All brown and squishy. With a banana, even if there are black splotches on the peel or the banana is damaged, they're still good to eat! Especially when used in pie and sundaes.

Thinking more on it, the stallion realized that this whole town seemed to be bathed in apples...and carrots to a lesser extent. The stallion gave a few regular bananas to a client and pocketed the bits without getting out of his pensive reverie. He tapped the frog of his hoof with the other in sudden realization. The best way to make ponies realize that bananas were the best and apples gross and icky. Banana Pie needed to directly confront that apple store owner. What was her name again...Applesmack?

With a kick, his entire stand and all its amenities were neatly compacted into a tiny wooden suitcase that Pie grabbed in his mouth to take to where Applejack had gone. The Bananas would win the day...this day!

"See, he's over here!" Quilted shouted angrily.

"Who is?" Mayor Mare asked.

Quilted's eyes widened and he faced his house. The stall was gone. He was at a loss for words.

"Well, it looks like that issue resolved itself!"Mayor Mare stated happily. She waited a moment, then her smile and good mood turned dour. "For once," she grumbled.

"But..."

Applejack had installed herself on the outskirts of the town where only a few houses were situated. Several others had installed themselves there as well. Much like Banana, the creatures had stopped by to make a small market. Several were selling pottery, dishes, tableware, and other decorative knick-knacks for the home. A few, like AJ, were selling produce. Others decided to sell comforters and even old relics from decades past, like old weaponry or half-rusted jewelry of some 'long, lost noble family'.

Banana looked around for the apple pony. She was situated between two griffins selling pastries from their homeland. Didn't griffins like battle? Conveniently, there was an empty space directly in front of the apple pony. Without taking his angry eyes off of her, Banana Pie dropped the case, and his stand unfolded immediately back into place, startling the other sellers. Now was the time to start the competition.

"Bananas!" Banana Pie screamed at the top of his lungs, scaring everycreature around.

Many ponies, intrigued, moved towards his stand, reveling in the strange fruits he had on display. There were even several platters with free samples on them. One of them was a green banana slice that gave off a strange, greenish fog. Most stayed away from it, but one stallion was so bold as to try it anyways, and his face puckered up into a singularity.

"That's the sourest fruit I've ever tasted," he mumbled. He pulled out several bits and dropped them on the counter. "I'll take twenty."

Several of the ponies at Applejack's stall noticed the ponies grouped around the banana stand and moved to join them, intent on tasting something new. The mare looked on, surprised, then noticed Banana giving her a smug grin as he raked in the bits.

"Oh. So that's how it's gonna be," she said underneath her breath. "The day's still new. Time ta get out Granny's new treat."

The farm pony reached into her wagon and pulled out an old chest carved from apple tree wood. She undid the locks made from partially corroded brass straps wrapped around the body of this object and unveiled a new type of apple: Red with a blue line swirling about the body from the center of the base to the stem.

"Come on everypony! Got ourselves some brand new apples ta try out. Granny Smith's newest experiment. First one is free, on the barn!"

Most of Bananas clients went back to the apple stall in a hurry. A lot of them noted that the apple had a sweet-and-sour flavor with notes of bitterness accentuating the flavor, and the firm texture of the apple made the flesh crunchy. Banana frowned while Applejack raked in more cash. He wasn't one to be beaten by apples of all things.

The stallion pulled out a BananaPie™ banana creamer: Perfect for making banana smoothies with any kind of banana. He even had recipes for it all, but those were still a secret. He chuckled to himself. The loud noises attracted the attention of the ponies at the market, once more causing a stampede.

One of the griffins there leaned towards her minotaur neighbor. "Is there some sort of feud going on between the two?" she wondered.

The minotaur scratched the side of his head with a finger then crossed his arms and heaved a loud sigh. "I figured this town in the middle of nowhere wouldn't have much happening with it. They'd all be mostly interested in food, but this is something else." He narrowed his eyes and hummed. "I think this is the start of a food feud. Apparently, this place once had that kind of thing long ago. My friend is a business tycoon in the farming industry. Said strawberries had started to make strides here but didn't go far."

The griffin stared at the bipedal bull with an annoyed expression. "I didn't ask for a backstory of this place, you dullard."

Applejack was taking in a large sip of water when she noticed Banana attaching something to his stand. She spat out her drink when he moved away. He had just attached a poster with a red apple covered in a 'forbidden' sign with words above and below it.

Apples are stinky and smelly.

Banana hopped over his counter and landed heavily amongst his produce. He peered over the counter, chuckling as he watched the apple pony seething at seeing his post. Some of the potential clients chuckled when they saw the poster. The farm pony left, and Banana cheered behind his counter, out of view, at his victory. Fifteen minutes later, when he sold a few sweaters covered in tiny red bananas, a tiny little filly with a giant bow in her mane accompanying the orange mare came into view.

The monster! Using cuteness. He leaned in to see the filly being whispered something by the big one. Eventually, she started selling a bunch of products using a tray far bigger than she was. The pony stumbled about clumsily.

"Are ya sure about this, Applejack?" she asked her sister.

The farm pony nodded. "As sure as ah am that apple rot ain't never touched our farm."

The stallion dug deep into his idea box. He was too old to do that sort of stuff, but maybe a mascot? Hmmm. Would take too long. He waited patiently as he rearranged his stand to show weird bananas in the shape of penrose triangles and several teeny weeny yellow bananas no bigger than a cat's nose.

"Come, everypony! Our apples are the best around! Better than any bananas," Applejack hissed playfully.

"Looks like things are getting heated," the griffin stand owner noted.

"Reminds me of when the ponies here--"

The griffin raised her talons to interrupt the minotaur. "If you're going to share another long-winded tale irrelevant to the immediate situation I'm going to strangle you with your own comforters and shove those table cloths so far down your throat you'll--"

She was met with the bull's hands rising up rapidly. "Okay okay! I'll stop!" he promptly reassured. "Sheesh. You're moody. I didn't realize griffins could be so irritable to such an extreme," he whispered under his breath.

The two food stall owners continued to slander each other, becoming something of an amusing distraction to everyone there.

Apple Bloom got a face full of banana pie when she tried to stealthily remove the posters saying apples were smelly. She wiped the cream off her face to see an angry salmon-colored stallion glaring at her from above. The filly expected to get yelled at, but she only heard 'Banana!' and was surprised to see the stallion giving her an immense smile while handing her a banana pudding pie. Stunned, she returned to the other stand and shared the treat with her sister.

The stallion danced behind his counter, taunting the mare with his 'good eye'. As the day darkened, the other stalls started tallying their profits and began to pack up, as did Banana. He packed everything back up the way he had done before and stared at the apple ponies. He gave them a salute, then dug into the case, pulling out a BananaPie™ banana-shaped wagon. Banana Pie stuffed several bananas into a hole on the side of the vehicle, struggling to get everything in there. The stallion wheezed and slumped against the side of the wagon. Taking a moment to get his breath, Banana Pie climbed into his vehicle and waved goodbye to everypony with a smile after licking the smushed bananas off of his hooves, seemingly having already forgotten the feud he had started before driving out of the town.

Apple Bloom looked up to her sister. "Who was that, Applejack?" she asked.

The orange mare took her hat off and snorted. "Ah have no ahdea. Thought that feller was tryin' ta start a feud or somethin'. Didn't even go far. Was just a weirdo is all. Ah don't get it. Was like he already forgot who ah was." The mare's mouth shifted from side to side. "Ain't never seen nopony hate apples that mu..." She caught herself and thought hard. "That's the second pony ah know who hates apples that much."

Apple Bloom's face distorted. "Wait what? Second? Who'd hate apples that way 'cept somepony who's never tried 'em?"

Applejack turned dour and she shrank briefly. "Don't wanna talk about it, but help me get the cart all packed up, will ya?"

The filly shrugged. "Sure, sister." As they started their work of counting and stuffing the apples into boxes, Apple Bloom realized something. "Ya know, ah missed a day 'a school fer this."

Applejack waved her concerns away. "It's alright, Apple Bloom. Ah said it was a farm emergency."

Apple Bloom tilted her head to the side. "Well yeah, but, what'll happen when Granny Smith learns about what ya did?"

The farm pony froze in place and paled. "W-we'll get there when we get there!"

Applejack noted the tin container for the pie they were given and noticed an oddity with the bottom covered in cream. She cleaned it up after tossing out the rest of the pie onto the floor, licking up everything that was left and enjoying the mixture of cinnamon, cream, and banana. Her face turned red. At the base of the tin was a poorly made drawing of her with exaggerated proportions and a big head with stink lines coming off of her. Next to the etching was written 'Big, smelly appul'.

"Ah don't look like that, and that ain't even how ya write 'apple', ya pox-ridden varmint!" Applejack yelled out loudly.

Apple Bloom looked at the wasted dessert. "Mah pie..." she lamented.

Author's Note

Apparently they had a ninth anniversary coming up and I didn't even know it.