Chances Are

by Major Mane

Rating: mature
Tags: Equestria Girls, Derpy Hooves, Violence, Main 7 (EqG), Profanity, Bulk Biceps, Slice of Life, Human, Romance, Anon, Pinkie Pie (EqG), Comedy
Length: 2694

Pinkie Pie always makes you smile whenever she's around, but you'll never let her know.

The chances are that you might be falling in love with Pinkie Po, but you'll never let her know. You have enough problems already without Pinkie, but maybe you should take the chance (Or perhaps she'll make the first move?)

All cover art is made by me.

Published 2022-08-16 03:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-10-17 04:16:36 UTC

Prologue

You are Anon, and you are in class half asleep. You hear a couple of 'Pisps' from the person next to you; as you look over, you see Pinkie Pie, the person making the loud noises to get your attention.

"What is it Ponkers?"

Pinkie scoots her table right next to yours, closing the gap, "Hey Nonnie, I want to tell you something!" she says, whispering even though everyone in the classroom could probably hear. You nod your head in acceptance of getting said information. she continues, "I know you like me, Nonnie."

Your heart sank into your stomach, but you kept a straight face. "And is that a bad thing?" You say, trying to salvage whatever this is leaning in closer.

She leans in, "Like never in a million gagillion years, Nonnie!" She says, "Because I like you too."

"Do you like me, or do you like me like me?" These are the essential questions.

"Well duh, I like you like you!" She gets closer to you, your face now crimson at this revelation. She says, "Do you want to do something super special?" She asks in an attempt at a sultry tone.

"A-and what might that be?" You said, pulling at the collar of your shirt.

"Maybe a kiss, mouth to mouth, lips to lips, tongues wrestling together like a party for two?" When you think about it, that's all the confirmation you need, and out of all the tension, you grab her cheek and pull her in for a kiss. Suddenly you hear a voice as the two of you suck face.

"Anon~" the voice called out.

Pinkie playfully bites your lip as you try to catch your breath and continue the battle of tongues.

"Anon~" you try to ignore the growing voice.

"Hey Nonnie, you want to try something else even better?" Pinkie asks, biting her lip; you shake your head up and down in a rapid motion like your trying to shake it off.

You see her motioning down to her chest as she unbuttons her shirt and reveals the best pair you've ever seen, and you can swear it has beams of golden light coming off like the suitcase from Pulp Fiction. As soon as you try to claim your prize, the voice as clear as day calls out to you.

"ANONYMOUS GALAXIA!" You shoot up from your bed with your Mom standing at the door (damn, that was a good dream...).

"Hey Mom, I'm not late for school?"

"No, but your breakfast is getting cold, and you don't want to be late for your first day as a senior," she says with a warm smile on her face, "Plus, I'm about to head off to school, so you know the drill."

"Ok Mom, I'll head down after I get dressed."

Your Mom walks over to you, smothers you with kisses, and walks out of your room, "Love you, my baby boy!"

You wipe off your face making sure you got all the saliva off your face, "Love yuh too Mom."

You get dressed quickly, struggling to put on your shoes, and then promptly walk downstairs. You sit at the kitchen table, and your Mom places a plate of sunny-side-up eggs with bacon and some toast with a smile. You think about your Mom and how much she indulges you, technically, your adoptive mother. She adopted you when you were five and has always made sure to give you as much love as she would her son, but she never had any, and that's the same for her sister Aunty Luna. They never wanted to get married, and she always told me I was all she needed.

It doesn't help that she is your principal at your high school and your aunt is vice-principal. You still remember your freshman year and how every chance your Mom had, she'd embarrass you with the amount of coddling she'd do every day. Glad that's over.

"Alright sweetie, I'm going to work now; you better be there on time. Love you!"

"Bye!" You watch as she walks out of the house, blowing you a kiss.

You finish off your delicious breakfast and decide to head out as well. You grab your book sack and your keys and head out. Oh yeah, and you have to pick up your chuckle-nut friends...

You are driving to school with your best friend, Bulk Triceps, bumming another ride off you. One of these days, he will pay you back for all the rides you've given his ass. Right now, you are focused on driving when you hear the sound of a familiar tune coming closer from behind your black Oldsmobile Cutlass.

Music

"What the hell is that?" Bulk says, confused at the accordion music coming closer and closer.

"Oh fuck, not now. I thought we'd be safe going to school early today!"

"What do you mean-"

Bulk's cut off when you both see an all-pink Volkswagen Van fly over the road hill you just passed and gained quite a bit of air as you swerve out of the way to avoid a collision. As it flies past, you see many girls screaming in the back of the van; you know the van swerving between cars and almost hitting a few.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, ANON!" Bulk practically yells in your ear.

You looked him dead in the eyes for a second and sighed, slumping at the wheel and giving a slight grin "Pinkie Pie..."

You pull up in the school's parking lot and grab your book sack out of the back seat, with Bulk getting out with you and slamming the doors.

"Does Pinkie Pie always drive like that?" Bulk says in a worried tone.

"Dude, I was in her car when a cop pulled us over, and when she got the ticket, she just told me to put it in the glove compartment; that thing was filled to the brim with tickets."

"Dang bro..."

You both start to walk away from the car when thumping can be heard from the trunk.

"Oh shit, almost forgot Derpy."

Bulk cracks open the trunk and outbursts Derpy with her bug eyes.

"Why did you want to be in the trunk Derpy? We almost forgot you." You say, confused.

Derpy looks at you absentmindedly. "It makes me feel safe when I'm in the trunk."

You rub the bridge of your nose as you think of all the possible situations she could die first in a car accident, but you'll let it slide this one time.

You and your friends walk inside the school and go to the lockers. As you put books back in your locker, take books and folders out, and wait...

Your spidey senses take over your head as something doesn't feel right. You look around to see if anyone is around or if something is about to happen, and nothing you think to yourself, 'My radar for bad shit must be going wack.'. Your face goes from relaxed to wide-eyed as you look up above your locker and see a pair of eyes staring at you.

The figure jumps from its perch and lands on top of you, sending you and the figure land on the hard marble floor below you.

"Agh! The fuck!" You say, rubbing the back of your head.

"Hey, Nonny! Whatcha doing?"

As your vision returns, you see Pinkie Pie smiling at you and staring with her blueish-grey eyes. You start to blush as you see her chest pressing against yours. You can't help but think of how soft they are.

"Nonny?" Pinkie Pie says with a worried expression.

You grab her shoulders, and you sit up, pushing her away from you.

"Pinkie! Why do you always do this!"

"I wanted to surprise you with my ninja skills!" She suddenly wraps her hair around her face in a second to make a ninja mask out of it and does a ninja pose.

Ok Anon, don't you dare break your stone-cold visage, even though it's adorable, and fuck your smirking.

Pinkie explodes with excitement "oh, I made you smile!"

"No you didn't; my mouth was just twitching." You say in a monotone voice.

"Oh, and I thought I got you this time too!" But thankfully, Pinkie Pie is gullible.

As you both get up, you notice that the halls are almost entirely cleared. As your look around, the morning bell rings.

"Oh shit, we need to get to class! See you later Ponkers." You grab your bag and take off in a sprint with Bulk, "Come on, guys! Bulk, move them chicken legs!" You yell, and Derpy does a salute.

Bulk yells back at you, "HEY, I DON'T HAVE CHICKEN LEGS!"

"Well, it won't matter if we're late!"

Derpy chimes in, "Ha ha, chicken legs!"

Pinkie sees the group run away; she smiles with a blush.

"I'm gonna get you, Nonny."

A minute of running later, they all manage to get to their class when the teacher catches them trying to sneak into class.

"You lot are late for class on the first day back too! I hope you have tardy slips; otherwise, you will walk yourself to the principles office right now!"

You and your chuckle nut friends stand there sheepishly.

"Go. Now."

All of you take off down the hallway, "AND NO RUNNING DOWN THE HALLS!" you all stop dead in your tracks and start walking down the hall. Your Mom is going to kill you for this...

First Day Back

"I thought I told you NOT to be late this morning, Anonymous!" looking to the ground in shame at your mother and principal with an annoyed face pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I know we just lost track of time."

"Honest Miss Celestia!" Bulk blurts out.

"Yeah, honest!" derpy says.

"Both of you lower your voices," her attitude calms down, and she looks at you, "Ok, I'm going to have Vice Principal Luna give you all tardy slips, and you all better not waste a single minute getting back to class, is that understood?" she says in a stern motherly voice.

Anon and his friends give a collective "Yes, ma'am" and walk out of her office when Celestia stops Anon.

"And as for you, stay out of trouble," she baby talks to you while rubbing your cheeks together and kissing you on the forehead, leaving a lipstick smear on your forehead.

Anon hears his friends snicker and makes fun of you behind your back.

He turns his head to face them, "Shut. The fuck. UP." giving them a mean face.

"What was that?" Celestia says, looking at him confused.

"Oh, nothing, Mom." he hugs her and leaves for his aunt's office with his friends.

After walking back to class, Anon takes his seat next to Bulk and Derpy; the teacher decides to give everyone a tell me about your summer and what are your hobbies, etc. Anon looks to the side to see Bulk zoning out already; he seems to be looking at something, so Anon traces where he is looking, and it appears that Bulk is gawking at Rarity, who sits towards the front of the class. Bulk seems to be taking in all her details with his staring.

Anon nudges Bulk to get his attention and whispers, "Hey, it looks like you're taking a liking to Rarity, ay?"

"Yeah, I heard last year that she could suck a golf ball through a garden hose." Anon looks at Bulk in sheer amazement.

A girl that sits next to Bulk and a guy in front of him look at Bulk with a grimace on their face and then awkwardly go back to filling their work, looking back at him very nervously. Anon tries as hard as he can not laugh, and just a few squeaks come out.

"You know Bulk; you should tell her that, maybe *wheezes* maybe she'd go out with you." Anon snickers quietly.

"You think so?"

"Oh definitely." Anon says with the biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

"I might try that, thanks Anon." Bulk goes back to his work, keeping what you said in mind.

Anon giggles and puts his hand out to Derpy, who gives you a low five. Anon can imagine it now, Bulk walking up to Rarity and saying that ending with a 'Will you go out with me!' and then a proper slap to the face. That would be the best payback for all the free rides you give him and all the trash he would leave whenever we go out to eat... fucker.

Class ends, and Anon is back in the hallways walking to his next class. Bulk and Derpy walk to their next class, leaving him alone to walk through the hallways. He feels a presence from behind him.

"My spider senses are tingling." He worls around and sees a purple smear around the corner of the hall. He thinks he waves it off and goes to his next class, advanced chemistry. Anon always loved science and chemistry especially since it means making cool shit in test tubes and getting college credit.

Anon walks into class and is greeted by your new science teacher Miss Nitrous Oxide. She's a very giggly person and always seems to be on the edge of a laughing fit. Anon guesses that's appropriate since her name means laughing gas.

"Welcome everyone! *giggle* As you all know, today is your first day back!" she giggles more, "Now you can partner up! Isn't this so exciting!"

Everyone starts talking and finding partners, and Anon sits there waiting for someone to come and ask to be partners. Anon is very unsocial and sucks; he's also dumb and stupid; he also brags about having sex with Potion Nova even though that happen- Anon knocks at the screen at me, "Hey, uh yeah, can you shut the fuck up." Wait a second, you can hear me!? "Only whenever you talk shit about me, asshole." Ok, sorry, I'll get back to the story. Anon sits at his table, waiting. "Much better."

"Hey, who are you talking to?" Anon looks over to see the one person he didn't want to see... Twiggles of the Dingley Spiggley.

"Hey... Twilight." you give her a fake smile that anyone can tell is not real.

"So you are in this class too! Wow, it's almost like you are a magnet because it always seems like we attract each other!" All Anon can hear right now is the multiple screams from the brain cells being killed in his head.

Anon can safely say that she was the one who was stalking him in the hallway a minute ago. Twilight has always been like this ever since Anon and Twilight were kids, overly obsessive and bat-shit insane for him. Anon guessed it was a combination of being childhood friends and you both being really into science. From all Anon can tell, it's surprising how she made friends with anyone because of how shit her social skills are. At least Anon doesn't attempt to make new friends... Ok, maybe that's a problem, but it's certainly better than her way of socializing.

Anon decides he might as well bite the bullet on this since she's also really good at chemistry, "You want to be partners, Limelight Fartle?" Anon says nonchalantly.

Twilight's face lit up with geeky excitement. She definitely didn't hear what Anon called her, "That would be amazing!" Twilight hugs Anon, and he pushes her off softly so she can stop.

"Listen, Twigs, don't get the wrong idea but don't be weird this year ok; just be cool."

She leans on the table gracelessly and with her head supported by her hand, with the other hand doing a finger gun, "Oh, I can be cool." she winks.

Anon's eye twitches in bewilderment, "Well, you got the spirit kid."

Twilight pumps her fist and gives a silent 'yes.' Anon rolls his eyes, "Why can't I catch a break."

Author's Note

Been a while and I might have another chapter tomorrow hopefully, so I hope you enjoy this one. :pinkiecrazy: :heart: