Definitely Unfit for Print

by Thought Prism

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Daring Do, Sex, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 3075

Daring Do turns up a lead on an artifact stolen years ago, but the culprit is not someone she expects to meet: her future life partner, a mare more than wild enough to keep up.

Daring Do turns up a lead on an artifact stolen years ago, but the culprit is not someone she expects to meet: her future life partner, a mare more than wild enough to keep up.

An entry into Bicyclette's Crackshipping Contest. Coverart by nazonazopowerfu.

Published 2022-01-27 02:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2022-01-27 02:00:00 UTC

An Emotional Thrill Ride

With the wind beneath my wings - thankfully not sprained or broken this time - I flew past the edge of a different sort of jungle, an urban one. Sprawled out in all directions was the largest city in Equestria: Manehattan. Where threats came not from mysterious monsters or traps left by the ancients, but crooks and conmares. Certainly not my usual type of destination, but then again, this wasn't my usual type of adventure.

Because, well, my life had changed. I'd worked out my differences with Dr. Caballeron and Ahuizotl, the two of them joining me in the authorial pursuits. And I'm not as young as I used to be, not having quite as much endurance for months-long expeditions in foreboding environments. To top it off, Twilight was doing a much better job of wrangling dangerous magical relics than her predecessor.

Yet there was still work to be done. One of Caballeron's old criminal contacts had turned up a lead - more of a rumor, really - on a historical artifact that had been stolen from the Manehattan Museum of Magic and Science a decade ago. Called the Corset of Concealment, the stiff, black garment was enchanted to grant the wearer the ability to cast high level illusion magic on themselves, regardless of whether or not they had a horn. Hence why the thing has stayed missing all this time. The problem wasn't the danger it posed, which was honestly less than that of an ordinary changeling, and everypony seemed to accept those creatures into Equestria just fine after their reformation. No, the problem was that it had been stolen from a museum. No chance I'd let that stand.

Hence where I found myself in that moment, swooping in for a landing in an alleyway just off of the fashion district. After adjusting my jacket and pith helmet, I trotted out into the crowd on the street, acting casual as I kept a sharp eye out. Sure, I didn't quite blend in, but A.K. Yearling was still more recognizable, somehow, and there was no way I'd wear anything less practical when things might get ugly. Besides, I could keep my distance until the action arrived.

Soon, I reached my destination, a lifestyle magazine studio. Inside, according to the schedule I'd memorized, my target was hard at work. Some investigation had turned up a name: Violet Blurr, one of the famous Photo Finish's most valued assistants in lighting and makeup, credited in numerous publications. She'd been spotted wearing a corset matching the appearance of the Corset of Concealment to a ball some weeks back. She'd gotten complacent. Time I took advantage of that.

Leaning casually against a brick wall, I pulled out the latest issue of the aforementioned magazine and pretended to read it, though I was actually keeping my gaze trained on the building's ornate entrance like a hawk. Photo Finish and her ponies never used a rear, employee entrance, period. She loved the spotlight far too much.

After about an hour, Photo Finish emerged, drawing plenty of stares with a bombastic shout of 'I go!'. However, mine was locked on the mare to her left. She matched Violet's description: Earth Pony, pale, sky blue coat, long, three-toned pink mane, sapphire eyes. Oddly no violet at all. Perhaps she was using the corset to change her natural colors? Aside from the company she kept, the only thing particularly unusual was her buttermilk yellow dress, which had a very long train that dragged along the ground, like a wedding dress.

Their work finished for the day, Photo and everypony else split up. Obviously, I tailed Ms. Blurr from a distance, keeping to the ground to avoid suspicion. Thankfully, she made things easier by not stopping anywhere along the way to her residence, a nice apartment building, high class but not extravagant. The lobby wasn't guarded, so I simply acted casual and walked inside. Violet was waiting for the elevator, and I joined her, idly tapping my hoof. When it arrived, both of us stepped inside.

The door softly closed, leaving just me and her alone in the cramped space. I watched as Violet pushed the button for her floor, getting a real look at her up close and in the flesh for the first time. She was honestly rather cute, with soft cheeks bracketing a sharp muzzle. No, Daring, stay focused. It's quippy confrontation time.

I emphatically cleared my throat, and Violet glanced at me sidelong in mild curiosity. My eyes met hers, and I grinned slyly. "That's a pretty outfit you're wearing, miss. But I wonder... what could you be wearing underneath it? Maybe the Corset of Concealment?"

Oh Celestia, that was way too forward, no way I can write that in.

Still, Violet Blurr didn't seem to notice, as she was too busy reeling in shock. She stared at me with wide eyes, confusion giving way to comprehension, then resolve. My brows rose, I'd been expecting her to panic.

As elevator came to a stop, she and I both burst into motion, Violet wordlessly making a break for it down the hall as I reached for my whip. She only made it a few body lengths before I'd snapped the leather out in a flash with a practiced flick of my hoof, wrapping it around her forelegs and yanking her to a stop. Another yank, and her hooves slipped out from under her, Violet falling to the floor. Experience had taught me that it didn't matter how strong you were if you had no leverage. Therefore, it was already over, and she knew it, too, not bothering to struggle.

Taking the few paces necessary to leave the elevator, I watched Violet carefully. Sighing with acceptance, Violet turned her head around to face me and did the unexpected again: she actually smiled, seemingly taking all this in stride.

"Well, looks like you caught me," she began. Her voice was like velvet, rich and smooth. "So, am I under arrest? Or are you going to rip off my clothes and have your way with me now that I'm bound in leather like this? Right in the hallway, no less?"

I froze, feeling heat rise to my face. "N-No! I wouldn't do that!" Not until the fourth date, at least.

"Aww, that's a shame," Violet pouted, still lying on the carpet. "You got me all excited for nothing."

Still blushing, I forced myself to maintain a cool composure. "I-I just want you to return the Corset you presumably stole, that's all."

"Ah, of course that's all you want," Violet said. "You're Daring Do, right? The adventurer from the storybooks, rumored to be real?"

"Yes," I confirmed, shaking my head. "And you, my little thief, are something else."

Violet laughed at that. It sounded like the melodious tinkling of chimes. Once her laughter subsided, she added "You have no idea how right you are."

Well, that wasn't ominous at all. "Let me guess, you're the last scion of some dynastic lineage, hellbent on retaking what was once yours," I deadpanned. "That, or you're a S.M.I.L.E. agent and this whole exchange is a joke at my expense."

"Neither," Violet replied, amused. "But if you really want to know, you're going to have to untie me." She slowly got her legs back underneath her and stood, making no attempt to flee as she looked over her shoulder at me. "I can't exactly disrobe for you otherwise."

"Don't say it like that," I insisted. "You're just going to make amends by returning what you stole, Miss Blurr."

"Of course, of course," she nodded. "Just the two of us, soon to be alone in my place, swapping undergarments for purely noble reasons. You'll have to be prepared to deal with the results, though."

When she put it like that, it certainly sounded like something which belonged in an entirely different sort of genre fiction. I grumbled, pursing my lips. This mare was driving me crazy. Still, unable to argue with her logic, I loosened my whip's grip on her legs with a practiced twist of my hoof. Stretching languidly, Violet Blurr adopted a more normal posture.

And yet, being more than a little flustered at this point, I had to ask. "Is all this transparent flirting really necessary?"

"Oh, it wasn't. Not until just now, when your reaction all but confirmed it's working," Violet answered, smirking smugly. With a swish in her step, she made her way over to her apartment. I stuck close the whole way. You know, in case she tried to make a break for it again. Yep, totally the reason.

Violet fished out her keys, unlocking the door and ushering me inside. By reflex, I immediately began surveying the potentially hostile space for the subtle signs of a trap. But it seemed to be a fairly ordinary single mare's residence, with only a few unusual touches. Abstract art had been hung on every wall, and a space heater provided additional warmth. Instead of a bed, the side room had a futon, and there wasn't much furniture overall besides that, just a dining table and an ottoman.

I closed the door behind me. "Alright, so, what's this big secret? Why steal the Corset? What have you been using it for all these years?"

"There's no rush, Daring Do," Violet quietly insisted. "Everything will be revealed shortly," she declared, batting her lashes.

Rolling my eyes, I stared at Violet in a purely academic manner as she sat down on the ottoman and reached for the ribbonlike straps of her dress, slipping out of it one sleeve after the other. Underneath was the Corset of Concealment, the only aspect of the pony wearing which they could not change the appearance of. Plus, well, it was certainly slimming in a very good way. I also couldn't help but notice Violet's Cutie Mark, a rose in front of a violet star. Heh, that's funny, mine was technically also a sort of rose. What were the odds?

Next, Violet began carefully unlacing the Corset. Hints of trepidation bled into her expression as she met my eyes. "Okay, so, given your experience, I imagine you won't, but just in case, don't freak out."

'Don't freak out'? Who was she kidding? You could count on one hoof the number of creatures better at staying cool under pressure than me. My brows rose of their own accord, my curiosity mounting. What could possibly—

The Corset came off, and with it resounded the pop of a spell's effect vanishing. For a blissful split second, I didn't notice anything different about Violet. Then my focus went lower, and every muscle in my body locked up.

"S-S-Snake!" I squeaked.

Violet's body from the croup back had been completely replaced by that of an unnervingly large, sinuous reptile. Striped scales of purple and dark purple wound down, down, down from her torso to the tip of her tail, which was flicking near my hooves. The puzzle-solving archeologist part of my brain put together in the background that this was why her dress had such a long train, so other ponies wouldn't step on the hidden extent of her true form. All the other parts were busy with the bubbling panic rising in my gut. Damn irrational phobia; why did it always have to be snakes!?

Still, I was no little filly. In but a few instants I'd gotten a handle on my fear. Well, mostly. My heart was still racing as Violet rose onto her coils, spinning the Corset idly around a hoof as she slithered towards me, soon within arm's reach.

"You're a Lamia," I uttered, wings clenched defensively at my sides. Even I thought Lamias were a myth, until now.

"Wow, got it in one," Violet said, flashing me a coy grin. With teeth. Which were fangs now. As she licked her lips, I noticed her tongue was forked. Oh boy.

Despite the fact that her mannerisms hadn't changed from her previous, atypical playfulness in the face of crisis, Violet was nonetheless now putting out extremely mixed signals here. What was it that kids these days called this feeling? Scaroused? The descriptor certainly felt apt now. Half of my instincts screamed at me to flee, the other half to melt into her embrace. Thankfully I was able to push them both back before my tail got sore from flipping up and down so fast. Judging by the look in her eyes, Violet seemed to be quite amused at my expense. How embarrassing.

Gulping, I spoke up, refusing to be kept on the back hoof. "You'd better give me a very good reason not to pass you off to the Princess for time in Tartarus. All the surviving stories say Lamias eat children."

Violet sighed theatrically. "Daring, you can't believe everything you read. Do I eat meat? Certainly, but nothing a Griffon wouldn't. Still, it seems you understand the predicament you've put me in."

Here, she began looping around me, brushing my chin with an outstretched hoof as she passed, sending shivers down my spine. "As you can see, I won't quite be able to blend in with the rest of Manehattan's high society without this corset. Many ponies will likely assume the worst of me, as you did. Somewhat disappointingly so, I might add." I continued following Violet on her circuitous path with my gaze, and her face fell. "I won't be able to keep my wonderfully fulfilling position as Photo's assistant."

"I'm not an expert, but from what I can tell, you seem to do good work in your field," I noted.

"Thank you. But that won't change the facts." Passing me the Corset, which I took automatically, Violet gestured to her snake half, wiggling in a manner both unnerving and hypnotizing. "Forget my job, it'd take months of those new-fangled friendship lessons before the average pony town would stop greeting me with torches and pitchforks."

"Oh." My ears drooped empathetically as the reality hit me. Having Violet return the Corset was tantamount to upending her life completely. But I couldn't just let her keep the thing and compromise my lifelong principles. What was I supposed to do?

In an act I'd be supremely glad for later, my mouth moved before my brain could finish processing, giving voice to my subconscious desires. "Well, uh, my cottage is pretty isolated. You could move in with me." The instant the suggestion passed my lips, my blush returned in force. Cadance's flanks, what was with me today? Somepony else's flanks, most likely.

This was met by another peal of Violet's melodious laughter. "Wow, that's a bold proposition, inviting a mare you just met to move in with you," Violet quipped. "However, I happen to like bold mares. There's a reason I've been supporting Photo Finish in particular all this time. And to be honest, I've had a bit of a crush on you from the moment you ensnared me, in case I wasn't being obvious enough."

"That's— Um—" I stammered as she leaned in close, looming a head above me on her coils. She smelled like morning dew.

Suddenly, Violet crossed the last of the distance between us, kissing me on the cheek. "Gosh, you're surprisingly easy to tease. This'll definitely be fun."

My nerves were alight beneath where her lips had touched. I idly wondered if Violet had venom, though I was almost certain she hadn't bitten me. Yet. The numbing kind might actually be—

I rapidly shook my head to clear it. Bad Daring, jumping the blowgun. One step at a time. Violet was watching me intently, waiting. "Aren't you moving a little fast, here?" I finally asked.

She tilted her head to the side, concerned. "Do you not like the idea? 'Cause the vibes you were putting out made me think the attraction was mutual."

"No, I do, and it is mutual, it's just... it's been a long time since I was last in a relationship," I admitted, adjusting my helmet. Not since my college days, in fact, but she didn't need to know that. "Shouldn't we test the waters a bit before jumping in? There could be metaphorical piranhas."

Violet snorted cutely. "I agree. Either way, I'm going to need a week or two to get my affairs in order. You know, hang onto that a bit longer." She gestured to the Corset, which I didn't even remember setting down. Either I was getting sloppy, or Violet Blurr was just that good at sapping my focus.

Well, fine, she wanted my attention? In that case, she could have it. My fire returning, I reared up and pulled her into my side, eliciting a soft squeak of surprise. Her face, more beautiful than any gilded pyramid, now floated mere inches from mine. Our eyes met.

"Sounds good to me. For now, I'll stay here, keep you company," I whispered. Running a hoof through her mane (way softer than mine, mmm), I pulled Violet in for a much deeper second kiss. I eagerly explored her exotic anatomy with my mouth, and after a beat, she did the same, our tongues entwining as we leaned into eachother's bodies.

Both of us were breathless when I pulled away, and now it was Violet who looked adorably flustered, a rosy hue coloring her muzzle despite her efforts to maintain appearances.

Not missing a beat, I continued. "Then, when you're ready, we can dress up and travel together back to my place. How's that sound?"

Violet shifted, snuggling her serpentine body against my legs. The electric thrill and warm contentment that coursed through me at her touch felt right in a way I had no chance of accurately penning. Violet seemed to be overcome by a similar feeling. "I think I'd like that," she eventually said, softly.

My smile at those words reached from ear to ear. "Then I believe it's safe to say that this could be the start of my greatest adventure yet."

~ Fin ~

Author's Note

For the record, Violet Blurr isn't an OC, she's a minor background character from Rainbow Rocks. But apparently not that minor, as Hasbro actually made a doll of her. The only bits I had to work with besides her appearance were 'in a band with Photo Finish' and 'open to messing with people'. Obviously I took a few creative liberties for her partially-equine counterpart, haha.